Chapter 40
"You ate a lot for not being hungry," Kaidan said standing up from the couch in Shepard's quarters.
He reached over the wine glasses and grabbed her plate off the glass coffee table. The fork scrapped across the plate's surface as he walked over to the sink. He glanced over his shoulder to see her twisting to watch him over the back of the couch.
"Between our two appetites," she said, "the chicken came damn close to extinction tonight."
Kaidan clattered the dishes into the sink. "Think that's what happened to Earth's dinosaurs?"
"Depends on how good their eggs were scrambled."
"A fair point. Probably not a lot of Neanderthals recovering from biotic fatigue though."
Kaidan turned on the faucet.
"Kaidan, just come back over here."
"Why?" He glanced over his shoulder. "Takes two minutes."
"You're showing me up in front of my hamster, Kaidan. Now he'll know it takes two minutes to clean a dish instead of a week. Those beady eyes are going to judge me."
"Just be glad I'm not showing you up in front of some fish too."
He stacked the last plate by the sink to dry and wiped his hands on a dish towel. He nodded at the hamster cage standing on an end table beside her desk.
"That's the judgmental hamster? Same one I'm to 'beware of'?"
"Your fear's blood in the water, Kaidan." Shepard slouched against the couch's armrest with an arm draped over the back cushions. "You may have impressed him with your dishwashing skills, but at the end of the night, he's still loyal to me."
Kaidan tossed the dish towel on the counter and crossed back to the couch. "Hope your faith isn't misplaced, Shepard. Hate to see you get double-crossed by a hamster."
"It would be a low point."
Shepard pulled her knees up as Kaidan fell onto the opposite end of the couch.
"Tired?" she asked.
"Yeah. No use now." He checked his Omni-Tool. "Four hours."
"Any ideas for finding a missing nuke?"
"We could start tearing HQ apart indiscriminately."
"If we knew it was here."
"If we knew Terra Firma really had it."
Kaidan slumped further into the couch and rested his head back against the cushion. The sky was lightening faintly in front of them. A spectrum from pale navy at the top of the window darkened into a black on the horizon.
"Hey." Shepard poked him with her bare foot.
Kaidan's head tipped over lazily to look at her.
"I have sharpies," she said.
"Just make it dressy enough for the Summit. You owe me that much."
"So, the black sharpie, not the orange?"
"Obviously, and not a curly mustaches or handlebars. A goatee or something classy."
"A classy sharpied goatee?"
"That's all I ask."
Shepard scooted into the middle of the couch and wrapping her arms around her knees.
"Hey. You really think Mason was the Scorpion?"
Kaidan glanced over at her. "I don't know. What do you think?"
"I think they're a lot of holes."
Kaidan straightened in his seat. "I do too. The Scorpion wouldn't have been invited to that meeting. They had something up their sleeve for him."
"If the Scorpion's still free," Shepard said, "what happens? He'll have pieced together what happened to the Alliance moles."
Kaidan put his arm across the back of the couch and settled into the corner. "If he knew about their duplicity, maybe the Scorpion was using them back this whole time. The datachip shows they didn't know about the floor. The Scorpion's motives may never have been the same as Terra Firma's."
"You still think revenge?"
"Why not?" Kaidan shrugged. "Why have the floor at all? A bomb would be easier if it's just about taking out your enemies. Instead he get to see their fear, demonstrates his supremacy, uses them as an example with the entire galaxy is watching."
Shepard rested her chin on her knees. "If that's true, it's about more than Terra Firma's cause. It's about his own cause. We were worried about scaring him off, but maybe he doesn't even care about the wider attack. He doesn't need to regroup and plan another strike, he only cares about his own agenda and what happens onstage."
"And the floor is still there."
"Think he has the nuclear warhead?" Shepard asked.
"Yes."
Shepard's face stiffened.
"I think he intercepted his package," Kaidan said.
"Return to sender?"
Kaidan nodded. "You showcase yourself singlehandedly killing a roomful of the galaxy's most important people, you don't just slink away."
Shepard sighed and hugged her knees in tighter. "Evacuate the city, leaving a nuclear warhead to drive your point home? It would teach a lot of people a lesson. But," she lifted her chin and looked at him, "we stop the Scorpion on stage, act two doesn't happen."
A chill ran down his back. It must have shown on his face.
"Kaidan," Shepard said. "We can do this. We'll stop him."
The solid look in her eyes made his breath release, and he gave her a slow nod. She'd accomplished the impossible so many times, and he'd trusted her through all that. A corner of her lip turned up as she hugged her knees studying him.
His gaze drifted back to the window. In less than twenty-four hours, they'd be on the other side. Everything he'd worked for in the last year would have an answer. Win or lose. And they had to win. They couldn't have won the war just to lose the whole point in winning it. Though, that was narrow minded. He frowned. There was more beyond Earth. Even the beyond the Council, all the alien leaders, the greatest minds in the galaxy - there was still life beyond Sol. The war was always still worth the winning.
His eyes focused on the reflection staring back at him in the dark glass – Shepard beside him on the couch - and the air congealed in his throat. In less than twenty-four hours, they were done working together. For a long time. Maybe forever.
"Kaidan." Shepard dropped her legs into an Indian style sit.
"What? I'm not falling asleep. Just thinking."
"Can I sit next to you?"
Kaidan's brow pinched. "You are sitting next to me."
Shepard's legs slid off the couch, and she scooted up against him. His arm folded in on the back of the couch, and he sat up taller with a straightening spine as she tucked under his arm. It was a light touch as she rested against him as if hesitant to settle her full weight. His fingertips ran across his lips as he gazed down at her with tight, shallow breaths. The vanilla scent of her hair pounded blood through his veins, and her eyelashes blinked softly as she stared out the window. Warmth expanded and contracted against him with each breath and pulled his fingertips from his lips. Slowly, he lowered his arm and slid it down around her shoulders. He forced his breathing to slow as his body throbbed with a heartbeat.
Her warmth, her smell, the weight of her against his side - it felt like before. It made him feel heady and alive. But 'before' had been a long time ago. Years now even. So much lost time. It was another lifetime when he'd served under her command on the Normandy SR-. So brief in the scheme of things. Coming together just in time to be torn apart. All those lost years as time just bleed away. Then to find each other again and be together, this impossible thing he'd yearned for all those nights in the dark alone picking at old wounds he was afraid to let heal. Then, he'd lost it again. Lost her. Again.
That night in Anderson's apartment all those years ago, she'd broken down in front of him. The only time he'd seen her cry. She'd wanted something she couldn't have, but wasn't this it? Not countering a terrorist attack, but the being normal, together, happy. The future had unfurled in front of him of their whole life together - things they'd do and see, laughter and probably heartache, a shared life defined by the same experiences. All those dreams, hopes, plans, and longings welled up inside him. But dreams were just dreams, and what Shepard dreamed didn't have a place for him.
Shepard tucked her feet up and slouched against him. She turned her face into his chest, and an arm slid across his stomach. It pulled him in tight, and his heart fluttered in his throat. He settled back into the couch and rested his head back on the cushion. Maybe James was right. He should just live in the moment. Anything else just made him sad.