(eating disorder, suicide, death tw)

Back at the cabin, Underdog was heating up two Pizza Kid Cuisines. Lewis emptied his pockets on the counter. Underdog looked down at the noise and immediately grabbed the Nutella.

"Oh, Lewis, this is great!"

Lewis looked at him, quizzically. Neither of them brought anything that could be dipped in Nutella.

"I used to eat this by the cupful." He went on, opening it.

"...with what?"

"A spoon, I'm a heretic, Lewis."

Lewis laughed. After he stopped it was silent as they waited for their food to heat up. In the meantime, Lewis dug through his bag, bringing the snacks in. It was mainly granola. Underdog didn't seem to interested, but he nodded vaguely in Lewis' direction as he did. Soon enough their was food was done, and they ate in silence on the couch. After they finished, Lewis brought up their car conversation again.

"So… um… did you used to eat Kid Cuisines alot, as a kid?"

He tried, anyway.

He snickered a bit, "I was in my twenties when these came out. They came out in the 90s." He added on when Lewis just quietly stared at him.

Lewis hummed, "...so um… what was that about your family again?"

He immediately prickled, then calmed. "I guess I did promise you, huh?" He grabbed Lewis' tray, stacked it on his own and got up and set them in the kitchen. He sighed as he slumped back down.

"So… 1973, right? I was born, and my moms name was Molly and my dad was named… well," he motioned to Lewis, "Lewis, if you can believe it. I had a brother, too, his name was William but he's…. He's not important."

He cleared his throat.

"Back them my name was Meriwether. My family called me Merry. My dad was… a coal miner and my mom was a poet, she wound up in newspapers alot. '87 was… a busy, busy year. My brother and I were just about to enter highschool, so your age, and um… I came out to my parents as a boy who never planned to have kids or get married and that was… not a thing you could do, in the 80s."

"...you mean you weren't already?" Lewis asked softly, nervous.

"Not physically. And not socially, either. Your Underdog's a transgender asexual- bet the articles you saw never said that, huh?"

Lewis shook his head, shamefully.

"Yeah, not really a known thing. Some Hollywood execs that tried to buy the rights to my entire life told me that if I ever made either of those things open it'd ruin my image and I was… twenty-one when they did and that absolutely crushed me ever being open to really anyone. But anyway," he shook his head, eyes closing, "'87, at our little cabin, my parents accepted it but… were scared to be public about it, because I was 14 and some of my other family members didn't have the best reputations and my parents didn't want the town to think they or one of their siblings fucked me up somehow. And I… changed my name to Lewis, after my dad, and they started calling me Junior. A week later my brother told them that he did indeed plan on marrying, just not a woman. Which went over just about the same. A week later someone escaped from a prison not too far from here.

"Being in coal mines most of his life messed up my dad. He was hard of hearing and sight when he was in his mid-forties. But he had a degree in law and was related to a bunch of bloodhounds, distantly, so he was sent on the case to catch them. And succeeded! And that continued happening for the next four years."

"People stopped breaking out of the prison?" Lewis asked.

Underdog's peaceful expression dropped immediately, "I guess. But that's not why my dad stopped. So the guy who escaped was an unlicensed dentist, and my dad had a personal vendetta against him. So they set him on the case, to which he followed this dentist into the woods. And… this is West Virginia in the middle of a forest, there were a few unprotected train tracks." His voice softened, starting to break, "And… It was dark and storming and my dad couldn't see very well to begin with and… his car broke down over one of the tracks. And… and he didn't hear the train whistle because he couldn't hear very well either and-" he inhaled deeply to try to stop himself sobbing, "-he only noticed when he saw the light coming into his car but by then it was too late… he got hit."

Underdog stopped talking for a bit after that, sobbing as quietly as he could, not even turned toward Lewis anymore. His voice was just as broken when he started again.

"Luckily the train had cowcatchers so he didn't get dragged under and luckily the driver was breaking from the moment he noticed him and he called a hospital as soon as it was fully stopped but… After he got to the hospital and we got there it was too late and… he died. Which absolutely destroyed all of us, but the police wouldn't get off our backs about that dentist, because clearly if our dad had such a good nose me or my brother had to but," he sniffled, "It was a learned trait and we all knew it. But the cops didn't believe us.

"A few months later my brother decided to move to New York. He wanted to be a jeweler and there's no jewelry places around here, not then. That just tore us up even more. After that my mom told me it was my job to go catch this dentist. So I did, because she was the only person I had left and I thought if I did it would make her just a bit happier, she needed it.

"It was… a very stormy night, again. I got led into one of my dad's coal mines and got trapped in there with a ton of laughing gas. So I was in the cave, laughing because of the gas and crying hysterically because I wasn't ready to die and my mother needed me so I couldn't. Then in some… random act of miracle magic the cave got struck by lighting, turned all the coal around into diamond and gave me those superpowers. I only realized anything had happened because after then when I tried to break out it worked

"I felt too guilty having something my dad didn't so I didn't use them while capturing the dentist and giving him to the cops. I just… figured out what I could do for a few months alone before finally bringing it up to my mom. She didn't understand but at that point didn't care enough to disagree," just as his voice started getting stronger it broke again, "And that was… the last conversation I ever had with her. She was sad, she was terribly sad. She got sadder after my brother and I were born and her husband dying and her son leaving were the final straws so… that night she took her own life."

He sobbed quietly again, shorter this time, as if he used all his sobs on his dad's death.

"She was a poet. Instead of a suicide note she wrote one last one… Lies are like doors, and quickly we learn, when doors lock behind us, we can never return… So I buried her next to her husband, and swore on their graves I'd always use these powers to stop criminals and try and make people happy. Then I moved to New York in hopes I would find my brother."

Lewis and Underdog were silent for a very long time. Then Lewis worked up the courage to ask something else.

"...did you?"

"...no, I didn't. But I wish all the best for him… I hope he found the perfect job… I hope he married the man of his dreams…"

"...then how did you wind up back here?"

Underdog sighed. "I wanna say I was in New York for ten years. And the first half was great! I got the medicine and surgery I needed to transition, I met my best friend, I could finally have a place to live that wasn't infested with termites half the year! After the first three years Gamma Productions and I signed a contract where they could use my name and reimagine things I've done and make up things I've done for that cartoon you love so much! And I met so many great people they were also making cartoons about and everything was fantastic!"

He sighed, sadly, "Then some Hollywood execs wanted to make a movie about me… no they wanted to make a movie about Underdog. And they wanted to reinvent my backstory so that I was just some lab product Simon Barsinsiter made and they completely refused to acknowledge that it was nothing like that, they refused to acknowledge that I am not cis they refused to acknowledge me and Polly's relationship was anything but romantic! Which hurt. And I started getting really sad again. So I relapsed and started cutting myself, and starving myself, but New York City needed me so I couldn't die.

"Polly took me to a psychiatrist as Shoeshine where I got diagnosed for depression, general anxiety and PTSD. Which means I just got more drugs. One was antidepressants and one was for when I had panic attacks, my regular doctor even suggested I try testosterone tablets because he didn't trust me with needles anymore. And… I got so tired of myself I bought a six-pack of beer, wrote up a suicide note, got absolutely wasted and took as many of my drugs as a I could. But I didn't die, because I still had powers. So I jumped out the window I flew back here and hoped I could change again but… I've only gotten worse, and I don't have anything or anyone to help me anymore."

Lewis gently grabbed his arm, "You've got me."

"You're going to leave the second you get what you want out of me. You're going to get me to drive you to Manhattan and then you're going to send me to a homeless shelter where I'll live out the rest of my days even worse because I thought trusting one kid was a good idea."

Lewis jumped a bit at his tone, backing off, silent for a long time.

"I was going to invite you to live with us, my mom says she used to know you."

"...well you thought you used to know me too, didn't you Lewis? Why would she know anything more than that goddamned cartoon of me."