Disclaimer - I don't own ZOMBIES or any of the characters involved. Copyright to Walt Disney Studios. Names of BG zombies are mine, characters themselves aren't. The song Epiphany is by Bowling For Soup.

And we're back with some more angst~ What a wonderful gift, just in time for Christmas ^^ (I'm sorry for ruining your holiday...)

Only a couple of chapters left on this story. Then we can pretend it never happened. Btw, the "Under The Mistletoe" prompt I wrote for the Screw Sleep Circle's Christmas week? The next Limelights featuring the BGZ ships will lead on from that so give it a read if you haven't already ;)

Chapter 8

THREE MONTHS AGO - MAY

"You know what that's called, Roz?"

"Zephyr, don't."

"Hypocrisy."

They sat with their head in their hands while Zephyr glared at them.

"It's not the same thing."

"It basically is. You're keeping a secret from Al because you know he'll blame himself for it."

Roz dropped one hand, brushing their hair aside with the other. Zephyr didn't move.

"The difference is I'm only asking you not to say anything because I'm going to tell him myself. When the time is right. And you've been lying to him to cover your mistake up. I never lied to him. I haven't even mentioned Keira to him these past couple of months."

He looked at them, holding back every snide comment he could make, "Still. You gonna get off my back about the fight now or what?"

Roz returned his gaze, "No. He's your boyfriend. And you're lying to his face. You need to tell him the truth."

"... Fine..."

– TATTOOED MISTAKES –

On the day of Alonzo's release, Zephyr was up bright and early. Way too early for Rizzo's liking, but she was still forced to get up and accompany her brother to his boyfriend's house. They waited outside, Rizzo sitting down on the sidewalk trying to at least rest her eyes while Zephyr refused to keep still for even a second. He was too anxious to see Al back home at last to just sit around and be patient. Before too long though, a face appeared at the window and Al's mom came out to join them. Soon after, Zach and Roz arrived and eventually Zane was there too. The only one out of their circle of friends not there was Paizley. None of them said a word about it. They all knew why she wasn't coming.

Lindzey came running over excitedly and her mom had to catch her before she crashed into a wall or something. What surprised everyone, though, was that her father was with her. For most of Alonzo's life, their relationship had been rather strained, to the point that Al was actually glad to see his parents split up, only for him to end up bitter over his dad getting custody of Lindzey. He hadn't even once visited his son in containment, and yet he was showing up now.

None of the young zombies gathered there cared to talk to him and kept their distance, but Zephyr couldn't help shooting him a dirty look. If he saw, he ignored it. And anyway, everyone's attention was now on the approaching zombie patrol van that had just turned onto the street.

The doors were opened and Alonzo climbed out, a little unceremoniously but to Zephyr, the world seemed to stand still. He was home. Finally, finally, he was home. This was what Zephyr had needed: Alonzo back home again, in Zombie Town, with him. His skin was still unusually pale, and he was still thinner than he probably should be, and he looked weak overall, but he was home.

His mother was the first to greet him, running to hug him the second his feet touched the ground. She clung to him and pressed kiss after kiss to his face and he tried to resist until he was laughing through tears. When she stepped back, wiping her own eyes, Al saw Zephyr behind her and the two smiled, but then Al's gaze drifted a little further and his face fell. Zephyr frowned and turned to find Alonzo's dad standing there, watching his son pretty much emotionlessly. He held onto Lindzey's hand tightly and she looked nervously between the two of them. She needed to diffuse this situation. She slipped her hand out of her dad's grasp and ran to hug Alonzo. He crouched down a little to return the hug and murmur in her ear.

"How's things going with that girl?"

"It's alright now."

"You sure?" he pulled back, his hands on her shoulders, "'Cause school's about to start again. You gonna be OK?"

Lindzey nodded, "Yeah. I can handle it."

That wasn't entirely reassuring but she had already moved to let his friends swamp him. They were hugging him from all sides and Zephyr's head was nestled in the crook of his neck. Alonzo closed his eyes and let himself bask in the love surrounding him. He hadn't felt so at peace since before the incident, but then he lifted his head and saw his parents speaking in hushed tones. Arguing again. Probably over how his dad didn't seem to have anything to say to him. Nothing new.

Instead of dwelling on it, though, Al tilted Zephyr's chin up to kiss him and Roz and Zach laughed and cheered. Rizzo pretended to gag and Zane shook his head affectionately.

Then came the inevitable question.

"... Where's Paizley?" Al asked once they were done with their welcome and they all looked off in different directions. They seemed anxious, "What's wrong?"

Everyone turned to Zane at the same time. Of course. He was closest to Paizley of all of them. With a sigh, he took a step forwards.

"She hasn't been taking it well," he started, "The patrol hadn't actually been inside her house like that in over ten years, Al. She didn't talk to anyone but her parents for a while. She's been having more episodes over the last year, more flashbacks..."

"What...?"

Zane hesitated to continue but he knew he had to hear about it sooner or later, "She didn't want to see you in case it triggered anything worse."

Alonzo's mouth hung open in shock and his eyes fell to the ground, "... You're saying she remembers..."

When Paizley was 7 years old, the patrol had raided her house, taking back all the so-called 'stolen' items her parents had brought home from the recycling plant where they worked, tasered her when she tried to stop them, and then burned them all on a bonfire. Ever since that day, Paizley had kept the memories of it locked away, but she had remained uneasy at the mere sight of the zombie patrol. She stood watch every night when they came to enforce curfew. She was terrified of them; that was why she was home-schooled, and never joined the others at Seabrook High. To keep her interactions with the patrol to a minimum and not trigger any flashbacks or panic attacks.

But now...

"... This is my fault," Al muttered and Zephyr stepped forward, "I need to talk to her."

"Al, I don't think that's a good idea," Zephyr said gently.

Al sighed and shook his head, "I have to. I can't act like I have nothing to do with it!"

Zephyr took his hand, "Really. It's not gonna help."

"I know I can't do anything about it, but I have to at least apologise to her, Zeph."

"Al..."

"I'm gonna go find her."

He kissed Zephyr's forehead and left before he could make any other attempt to stop him.

Paizley only lived down the street from the twins and when Al reached their block, he spotted her on her way down to the cauli-brains stand with her wagon.

"Paiz...?"

She froze at the sound of his voice, then her head snapped up and Alonzo stopped in his tracks when he saw her face. She looked scared at first then her expression quickly changed to one of hurt, then of anger. Next thing he knew, she had turned on her heel and was striding away down the street, pulling her wagon behind her as quickly as she possibly could. It took Al a minute or two to register what was happening before he followed her, calling out in desperation.

"Paiz, c'mon, just let me-"

"I don't want to talk to you," she said firmly. She didn't even turn her head. She just kept walking. Al faltered. She was almost at her house now.

"Paizley...!"

She dropped the handle of her wagon and finally turned to look at him, but all she said was "I don't want to talk to you...!"

Alonzo gave up and stood in silence as she left the wagon by the porch, climbed the steps and opened the front door. She shot him one last look; he had never seen her so upset. Not since the raid all those years ago.

"I don't...!" her voice shook and she covered her mouth with one hand, hurrying inside before she could start to cry. The door slammed shut and Alonzo was left with no clue how to react.

"I don't blame her!" a voice shouted from across the street and he turned to see Suzanne watching him with a hand on her hip and her usual holier-than-thou attitude. Azure and Inez were with her, though they each had very different stance. Inez was clearly on Suzanne's side, glaring at Al with cold, unforgiving eyes while Azure seemed more sympathetic towards him, her anger being directed at her friends. Suzanne continued, "If the person who dug up all my most painful memories came along thinking I'd forgive them, I'd shut them out, too."

"It's not my fault she remembered," he said, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince them, "It's not my fault the patrol treated her like they did."

"It is your fault they were here in the first place, though," Inez stepped forward, "And she got hurt when you didn't. And I got grilled when you didn't. And Riza. And Izabelle. And Topaz."

"Inez, stop. Leave him alone," Azure frowned and shoved her lightly, "The others don't blame him. You need to get over it, it's been a year."

"Yeah, and a year don't mean jack compared to what we could still have coming to us now 'cause of him."

She sneered at Al, as did Suzanne, but Azure wasn't about to accept it. She screwed up her face in disgust and determination and marched over to Alonzo to hug him.

"Don't listen to them. They're being so ungrateful when they might not even be here if it hadn't been for you."

Al hesitantly returned the hug, "Thanks, Azure..."

– TATTOOED MISTAKES –

"When have you ever cared what Inez or Suzanne or any of those guys think of you?" Zach asked, being serious for once, "You never let that kind of negativity get to you before."

Alonzo had gone straight to Zach's to talk to him about his run-in with the girls earlier that day. He needed to get it all off his chest, but he didn't want to trouble Zephyr any more than he already had. He was laying on Zach's bed, his hands covering his face, while Zach sat spinning back and forth in his chair opposite. Al sat up.

"Maybe not the rest of them, but what about Paizley? Paizley is friends with everybody," he was getting almost frantic, tears forming in his eyes, "Paizley smiles at everyone and talks to everyone and it doesn't matter what you did, she'd always still like you. So how do you think it feels when Paizley of all people is mad at you? And all she says is that she doesn't want to talk to you?"

Zach couldn't answer that. He was right. This was Paizley Reilig, everyone's goofy big sister figure. She practically never stopped smiling. But that was because she had kept all of her childhood trauma locked up inside, and it had all been released in a short time. She had managed, for the most part, to get through the year with minimal problems but Alonzo returning home really must have stirred up her emotions. He couldn't escape his guilt, in whatever form it took.

He hurt people. Not just one single human. He hurt people who he cared about, who he loved, who did nothing wrong. That was why he had deserved to be locked up. That was why he deserved to be shocked by his band. That was why he deserved being made sick every time he a-

His body convulsed and he quickly turned away, trying and failing to be discreet as he clapped a hand over his mouth. Zach stared at him, concerned.

"Al...? You OK?" Alonzo ran from the room and Zach jumped up to go after him, "Al!"

He found him throwing up in the bathroom.

A moment later, Al was sitting on the floor against the wall, breathing deeply with his arms propped up on his knees and his head in his hands as Zach waited for an explanation.

"... It's been like this... all year..." he was shivering.

"What? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want you guys to worry. Things were already bad enough."

"How have you been sick all year?"

"It's not some kind of illness," Alonzo gave a humourless laugh, "They don't exactly have much variety in zombie containment, Zach. Everything they feed you in there tastes of bra-" he gagged again and Zach reached out a hand in alarm but he pushed him away, "... Brains... Just thinking about it makes me sick... Zach...?" he lifted his head and Zach looked at him, "You can't tell Zephyr."

"Why not?"

"I told you. I can't make this any harder on him. He's gonna find a way to blame himself or feel guilty about it," he went quiet for a second or two, "Everybody keeps treating me like I'm fragile. I think you might be the only one who doesn't feel like you need to be walking on eggshells around me."

"I'm your best friend, right?" Zach shrugged. Al rolled his eyes and opened his mouth but Zach stopped him, "Well, your best friend who you aren't completely in love with..." he trailed off and raised an eyebrow at Al cautiously, "You're not, are you?"

"Zach, this isn't the time..."

"Sorry, I just..." Zach shook his head, "I dunno what to say! Humour's pretty much my only coping mechanism."

There was a pause as Alonzo thought. When he finally answered, he spoke slowly, his eyes fixed on Zach's.

"Tell me I'm an idiot. I don't care anymore, say it! Tell me I ruined everything and I deserve to be hated. Tell me Inez and the others are right, because I can't stand trying to pretend like they're not."

Zach stared right back at him, taking in Alonzo's desperate and confused expression.

"You're an idiot," he stated, "You ruined everything and you deserve to be hated. And Inez is right," his face stayed completely neutral and Al still turned away guiltily, "See, that's not really what you want to hear."

"... I don't know what I want to hear."

"This is way too complicated for you to want the same thing from everybody. There's things you want to hear and there's things you need to hear. From a lot of people. I can't fix everything for you with just a few words."

It wasn't every day that Zach gave such potent advice but the more he thought about it, the more Al wondered how true it could be.

And what exactly it was that he needed to hear.

– TATTOOED MISTAKES –

A couple of days later, Alonzo heard the first of the things he needed to hear while he was over at Roz's house.

"Hey, Roz...?"

"What?"

"You haven't mentioned Keira lately," he turned to look at her from his spot on her beanbag. Sitting on the end of her bed behind him, Roz chewed her lip nervously, "Did something happen?"

She shrugged. Then nodded.

"They aren't... segregating us again, are they?"

"No, it's nothing like that, she, uh..." she couldn't look at him, "Me and Keira... aren't..."

Sometimes – sometimes – Al could guess what was going on without it being spelled out for him. It took him a moment, but he could. His jaw dropped open ever so slightly when he caught on.

"She broke up with you?"

"Yeah."

"Because of me."

A statement. Not a question. Roz's eyes fell to the floor and she bit her lip.

"... Yeah."

"I'm sorry..." Alonzo sighed and ran a hand down his face. He was so tired of saying he was sorry all the time, but he was always at fault.

"Don't be, you've got enough on your plate," Roz tried to comfort him, "You don't need to worry about my relationship problems."

"It's not just you!" Al still couldn't forget the words of Inez and Suzanne and Paizley, "This could still change so much, absolutely everything we worked for since we started going to Seabrook High..."

"Alonzo!" Roz suddenly snapped, her eyes closed and her hands on her temples, and he stopped, "You need to calm down. I'm not saying it'll all work out. I'm not blind, I can see how serious this is and I know there's other zombies in town who blame you and OK, I'll admit it, they're right! It is your fault." that made him blink in surprise and frown. That was what he had thought he needed to hear, but he felt conflicted now that he heard it for real and not just to make a point like when Zach said it, "I won't sugarcoat it, you screwed up, it got bad and now we're all paying for it. But I can't hate you for it! You did it for the right reason," she offered him a small smile but he turned away and Roz's heart dropped, "Zephyr is alive. We're all still alive. And anybody who can't at least be grateful for that is not worth beating yourself up for. We don't hate you. No-one who actually matters hates you."

Al looked back at her with a blank face.

"Paizley."

"Paizley does not hate you, she just had a really bad reaction. She'll get through it."

"You're my friend. Of course you're gonna say that."

Roz rolled her eyes, "Alright, then what about Zephyr?"

"What about Zephyr?"

"He loves you, Al. If you can't believe we don't hate you, you've got to at least know he still loves you."

"... Does he?"

It came out as barely a whisper but it broke Roz's heart. Zephyr had gotten himself so lost, he was making his boyfriend second-guess him.

"... I'm not gonna lie, I was questioning if he really did love you a while ago, but honestly, look at what happened. He watched you kill and start to eat a human, and I'm sorry I'm bringing it up, but he saw you do that and how'd he handle it?"

"... By covering for me," Al's eyes were down, "And staying with me the whole time."

"Yeah, and by loving you, unconditionally. He's putting all his energy into supporting you. And, Z, he really needs you, Al, he changed so much without you. He's so happy when you're around, he's calm, he's... normal... When you're not around, though, he's just plain scary. He got so mad at people. When he got suspended from the te-"

Alonzo's head snapped up, "Wait, what?"

"... What?"

"He got suspended from the football team?"

She sucked in a breath.

He didn't tell him.

"Yeah," she nodded, "And he was in counselling for, like, two months."

"He never told me that."

Alonzo didn't know how to respond. Roz paused then leaned closer to him but he didn't so much as look at her.

"These kids at school were talking about you. Rumours get around, y'know? He flipped out."

"Why didn't he say anything?" he frowned, speaking more to himself, it seemed.

"Because he doesn't want you to keep blaming yourself for things. If he breaks, then you could break and that's the last thing he wants."

"He's a little too late."

– TATTOOED MISTAKES –

He was outside the Styx family's house soon after. Rizzo answered the door and was surprised to see him there, especially looking so mad, but she just stepped aside and told him "He's upstairs." The sound of guitar music was coming from his bedroom.

"Stop before you get me started, maybe I'll just go. I'm not exactly broken-hearted and I think you already know that there's more to this story than I'm givin' up, and maybe I should just grow up..."

Alonzo had never bothered to knock when entering Zephyr's room but he usually at least announced himself somehow. Now, though, he burst through the door without a word. Zephyr jumped when he did, quickly relaxing when he saw it was Al and putting his guitar down to spring from his chair and embrace him.

"Al!"

He had missed the simple act of holding him, touching him at all, really, while they were separated, and he couldn't get enough physical contact. Even after he'd been transferred to lower security, they didn't get the time together they really needed. He craved it. However, after a couple of seconds, Alonzo placed his hands and Zephyr's arms and pushed him about a foot away. His intense stare bore into Zephyr's questioning eyes and he was lost for what to do.

"So now we're keeping things from each other?"

Zephyr squinted, "What are you talking about? What would I ever have to hide from you?"

"The football team? Counselling? You didn't think that was important for me to know?"

Zephyr was speechless for a moment, eventually stammering out a reply, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry about me. It's not a big deal, though, Al..." he reached for him again but Al stepped back.

"Two months of counselling sounds like a pretty big deal to me. You gonna explain how that happened?"

"Where did you even hear about that?"

"I was just talking to Roz," Al told him and it all clicked into place, "First I find out I got her dumped then it turns out I got you-"

"This was not your fault. I got myself suspended and I got myself into counselling."

"How? What did you do?"

He may have already heard it from Roz, but he needed to hear it from him. Zephyr had to admit to this himself. But he wasn't saying anything.

"You lied to me, Zeph. You were just gonna let me keep believing all that vak you were spewing about football. So come on, you owe me an explanation. What did you do?"

"... I got into a fight."

"Over what?"

Zephyr scoffed and waved a hand dismissively but Alonzo pressed on, coming closer.

"Zephyr."

"... Over you, OK?"

They stood looking at each other, both quiet, both angry and both hurt. Al shook his head and finally broke eye contact, "I knew it," he muttered and turned away, not seeing how Zephyr's face softened.

"You didn't hear what they were saying about you," he said with tears pricking his eyes. He walked over to Al and tugged on his hand to turn him back around, "It was horrible."

"So what did they say?"

"That it would've been better if he had killed us. And everybody. That you meant to kill him when you took off your band. That I shouldn't still be with you aft-"

"I get it."

"They're wrong, though, Al," he laced their fingers together, "You know they're wrong."

"... I know..."

"Al, it was months ago, and I'll get back on the team again once school starts. You don't have to worry about it."

"... What did your counsellor say about it?"

"Do we have to talk about that?"

"I thought we didn't keep secrets."

"I'm not keeping it secret, I just... I don't think I'm ready to talk about that yet."

"Zeph?" Al frowned and cupped his cheek, his anger melting into concern, "Is it bad?"

"It can wait, OK? If it was really bad, it couldn't wait, right?"

"Swear to me, Zeph."

"I swear," he promised. He couldn't tell him those details. Not yet. He covered Al's hand with his own, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just didn't want to make things worse for you. I didn't want you blaming yourself for anything else."

As Zephyr rose up on tiptoes to kiss Alonzo's cheek, Al bit his lip.

"I can't make this any harder on him. He's gonna find a way to blame himself or feel guilty about it."

Hey.

You know what that's called, Alonzo?

Hypocrisy.