Hetalia Meets Wikipedia: Italy
Okay people, no note being done here! Well, not really.
ML: We want to get through this note as fast as possible.
Yeah because I'm self-aware enough to know that if I stop writing for a significant amount of time, I will not get back to it until my procrastination literally smacks me in the face.
ML: At least you know yourself that well.
Yep yep. Alright, enough self-reflection, time for some more writing. ML!
ML: (Takes out a megaphone) Hello? Can everybody hear me-chazu? Good. Everyone, please be aware, Taiyo-chan does not own Hetalia Axis Powers or Wikipedia. She will never own these entities. No matter how much she wants too.
Hey, don't out me, sis! (Hides drawings and writing of Canada, Hong Kong, and Prussia behind back)
ML: You're not very subtle-chazu.
Okay, on with the chapter!
Chapter 2 : The Italian Namesake came from Greece?
"Okay~." Taiyo-chan said as she looked along her laptop.
After the initial excitement and surprise died down, the nations decided to settle back and watch how the young human's presentation played out. Although some of the countries who actually wanted to finish the meeting complained (Austria, Switzerland, England, blah blah blah….) they were quickly shot down by the threat of suffering the same fate as France.
And Taiyo-chan had been stroking the large pencil she carried around in a very dangerous manner as she spoke the threat. They shut up.
(Later, America and Prussia would laugh at how they were scared of a girl centuries younger than them.)
Besides, it's not like they were doing anything important in the meeting.
"What to do next? What to do next?" she asked herself. The girl scratched behind her head, avoiding her feline appendages.
"I need an opinion." Taiyo-chan turned towards the Italy brothers, who were back in their seats. "Feli? Roma? What do you guys think I should do next?"
Feliciano smiled in his usual ditzy manner. "Ve~. I think Taiyo-chan should choose whatever she wants. Anything she picks would be molto bello." He said.
Taiyo-chan perked up at the comment. "Thank you Feli! So nice! What about you Roma?" she turned her attention to the older Italian.
Lovino scowled at the girl. "You should just choose whatever the fucking hell you want, idiota ragazza."
Taiyo-chan smiled calmly but one could tell she was annoyed by her twitching eyebrow and how her tail had gone completely still.
"Thank you …. Romano. Thank you, both of you. In fact, I'm so thankful that I'm going to give you a little fun fact." Here, her smile went a bit more sadistic and her eyes gained a somewhat evil glint.
She rather not have Feliciano caught up, but Lovino needed to learn some manners.
("...I feel a disturbance in the force."
"...Norge, did you just quote Star Wars?")
Russia, being the moderately demonic individual that he was, sensed the evil vibes that Taiyo-chan was giving out and smiled. He let out his doom aura, suffocating those unfortunate enough to be sitting near him. His smile spelled menacing thoughts.
From his seat, Latvia fainted from sheer terror.
("LATVIIAAAA!"
"Estonia, no!")
Alfred's 'Evil Evil' senses started tingling from the combined menacing of Taiyo-chan and Russia. It looked like these people needed a Hero to save them!
But before he could go through with his heroic plan, Arthur grabbed his chair and pulled it back, sending America tumbling down with it.
"Don't even think about it, you git." He muttered at his former charge.
Lovino shivered from the look but stood his ground. He was not going to be intimidated by a little human girl; he's dealt with Mafioso tougher looking then her. He could do this. No matter how fucking dangerous she looked with that giant pencil near her fingers, ready to grab at a moment's notice.
What the hell was up with that thing anyways and where the hell did it come from? But he digressed.
"What?" he asked wearily.
"Did you know that your name Italia came from the Greeks?"
...That was not what Romano was expecting.
"WHAT?!" Romano shouted and Italy actually opened his eyes wide, his surprise was so great. Every other country turned their heads towards the Greek nation….
….Who was currently napping out in his seat, with two orange and white tabby cats curling between his legs. How he stayed asleep with all the chaos that was going on shall remain a mystery.
"Y-You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Lovino stuttered out, pointing an accusing finger at the most likely insane girl. It couldn't be true, right?
But sadly, Taiyo-chan shook her head in the negative, her smile switching from sadistic to cheerful in a span of five seconds. "Nope! I am absolutely 100% sure about this! And I can prove it. Oh Matt~!"
Canada (who was named Taiyo-chan's official assistant, without his knowledge of course) jumped when his name was called. "Y-Yes Taiyo-chan?"
"Could you load up the etymology link for me, please?"
"Sure Taiyo-chan…." Matthew clicked on the link, everybody else watching as it loaded up on the projector screen. Ludwig suddenly felt a chill go up his spine.
"What's the matter, West?" Prussia asked from his seat next to his brother.
"I have a feeling that something possibly scarring for life is about to happen."
Taiyo-chan fixed her glasses and grabbed her giant pencil (which she had lovingly named Cheez) from its resting place on the wall. She pointed the pencil at the first sentence and began.
"Hypotheses for the etymology of the name "Italia" are numerous. One is that it was borrowed via Greek from the Oscan word Víteliú meaning 'land of calves'." The human girl tilted her head to the side in slight confusion. "I guess that has to do with all the cows and bulls in Italy." She pondered.
"Ve~! I remember when we were little, we would look at all the cattle. Don't you, fratello?" Italy insistently poked his brother in the shoulder, waiting for an answer.
Romano frowned sulkily. "Don't fucking remind me." He said.
(Do You Know What a Flashback Is?)
It was one of Spain's visits to Austria, bringing along with him Chibimano. Chibitalia was so overjoyed that his brother was visiting, so he took him along to observe the countryside. Chibimano grudgingly agreed.
"Ve~. Come on fratello, this will be very fun I promise you!" Chibitalia stated as he waded through the tall grass stalks.
"Damnnioza! Wait for me, you bastardo! What the hell do you want to show me anyways?" Chibimano yelled as he angrily swatted away spokes of vegetation from his face.
"Ve~. It's just behind this patch, Romano! Come on!" Chibitalia hurried his pace, Chibimano following after him moodily. When they found a break in the grass, they were met with….
"Cows." Chibimano deadpanned. He came all this way to see a bunch of cows. Chibitalia nodded vigorously.
" Si,Si! Lots and lots of cows. Mother nature's bovine friend!"
"Cows." Chibimano said again. But Chibitalia was no longer listening, as he was rushing towards the cattle. "Wait for me, idiotta!" the young nations played with the cattle for the rest of the day, Chibitalia riding on their backs, and Chibimano reluctantly petted some of the beasts. It was all going well until…
"V-Ve? Fratello, is that you behind me?" Chibimano looked up from his petting and frowned "Hell no. That is not me behind you, stupido." That was when he got a really good look at what was behind Chibitalia.
A bull. A very, very big bull.
"Ve? If that is not you, then what is….?" Chibitalia looked behind himself and froze in terror.
"U-Uwaaaaahhhhh!"
"Chiiigiiiiiiiiii!"
When Antonio and Roderich came back for them, they were very much surprised to find both Italies being chased by a bull, screaming for their lives.
(You All Saw How That Flashback Went?)
"It's not fucking funny!"
A majority of the nations were laughing at the recount they just heard. America was holding his stomach as he guffawed, banging his fist on the table. Prussia was nearly crying, almost falling out of his chair. The more stoic people didn't do anything, though their eyes showed their mirth. At the end of the table was Ludwig holding his head in exasperation, Feliciano smiling confused as to why everyone as laughing, and a scowling Lovino, who was trying to be cuddled by Spain.
Spain didn't get very far.
"Shut the fuck up, you bastards! We could have been killed by that thing!" Romano shouted angrily.
"But Lovi~. SenorToro didn't mean any harm. He just wanted to play with you and Feli." Antonio added. Senor Toro was one of his most precious pets after all.
"Play my ass! Your bull was crazy!" Romano stated huffily, slumping in his seat.
Taiyo-chan blinked and looked towards Spain. "Senor Toro?"
Spain nodded his head in comfirmination. "Si. That is his name. And he is so cute, just like Senor Tortuga!"
"Your turtle? Hey, I have a turtle too! His name is Speedy!"
"Really?" Antonio asked happily.
Just as the two were about to go into a very long discussion on turtle care, Ludwig decided to stop them before it was too late.
"Can we please return to the center of focus here! Taiyo-chan, continue your presentation at once or else." Germany commanded, appearing behind the young human girl. He would be damned if he would have this meeting interrupted and then the source of the interruption get distracted because of turtles.
"Huh? Oh shoot, the presentation! I nearly forgot hehehehe~." Taiyo-chan punched herself on the head playfully, sticking her tongue out. "I'm such a ditz….."she muttered, skipping back to where Canada was seated at her laptop.
"Taiyo-chan?" Canada asked. The named looked back towards the Canadian. "Yes Mattie?"
"Why am I helping you again?" he questioned nervously. Matthew was wondering out of every single person present here, she chose him. It wasn't like he didn't mind being useful, he wondered why she didn't choose someone who could match her personality. Like Alfred, Gilbert, Yong Soo, maybe even Francis.
Taiyo-chan smiled brightly and hugged him. "Aw, 'Nada you really shouldn't question every single thing that happens. It's not good for you. But for your question, I chose you because you are a very cool person to me. And besides, you're awesome! So don't worry about it!" Matthew blushed brightly at the compliment.
'Maple…. Wait did she just call me 'Nada?' They were soon interrupted by a gruff voice.
"Oi, Fraulein. I believe you have misunderstood a little detail." The two looked up to see Gilbert smirking at them.
"Wha? Oh, of course nothing could be as awesome as you Gilbert." Taiyo-chan stated, tail swishing lazily. If possible, Gilbert smirked even wider. "Ya damn straight! Although, Birdie does come to a close second, after the awesome me of course." The Prussian man stated. (Here, Canada blushed even further)
"Who?" Kumajiro asked. "Canada, the one who takes care of you every day." The trio deadpanned, as if they were used to it.
"Oh."
"Can we get a fucking move on?!" Romano shouted irately. "Fratello, you shouldn't be so mean~." Italy whined.
"Ah don't worry! Most insults bounce off of me real easily anyways. But I digress. Moving on now." Taiyo-chan continued on with her show.
"The bull was a symbol of the Southern Italian tribes and was often depicted goring the Roman wolf as a defiant symbol of free Italy during the Social War
("Ve~. Big brother Romano always said bad things about Nonno."
"Oh please, it's not my fault he was so crazy.")
Greek historian Dionysius of Halicarnassus states this account together with the legend that Italy was named after Italus, mentioned also by Aristotle and Thucydides. The name Italia originally applied only to a part of what is now Southern Italy, according to Antiochus of Syracuse, the southern portion of the province of Bruttium peninsula, which should be ummmm… modern Calabria, the province of Reggio, and part of the provinces of Catanzaro and Vibo Valentia.
"Viva Valentino?" Alfred asked confused. All of these names were hard for him to keep up with.
Before Taiyo-chan could correct him, Romano beat her to it. "It's Vibo Valentia, you hamburger bastard."
"Oh, right. Thanks!"
"Right, well then. But by the time Oenotria and Italy had become synonymous, and the name also applied to most of Lucania as well. The Greeks gradually came to apply the name "Italia" to a larger region, but the Peninsula and its borders-" Abruptly, Taiyo-chan stopped mid-sentence, eyes widening "Holy shit."
"Pardon?"
"Holy. Shit. Holy shit! Holy shit!"
"Just get on with it, you cagna stupida!" Romano interjected.
"I just had a brain baby!"
Everybody blinked. What?
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" Arthur asked, his large eyebrows furrowing low, trying to figure out the strange term the teen just used.
Taiyo-chan waved her arms frantically. "No, no, no! That's not what I mean! I just had a thought! A really epic thought! An epiphany!"
"Ohonhonhonhonhon. Well what are you waiting for, mon cheri. Tell us this grand thought of yours, non?" Francis stated, staring at the girl with an intense look on his face.
Taiyo-chan wrinkled her nose at the French nation"Please don't look at me like that France. It's creepy and it makes me feel like a need some hand sanitizer or something" England snickered gleefully at how the soundly rebuffed the frog had just been.
"But seriously, the thought! Okay, so remember how I said the Greek found the Italies name, right? Well then, that would mean they would have had to have settled their first, right? So, like, doesn't that make Greece, like, technically the Italies brother or something?"
All of the people froze at the idea. They all slowly turned their heads to Greece, who was finally waking up from his pre-determined nap. Heracles yawned slowly, scratching his brown locks of hair. His eyes roamed the room where he noticed that everybody was gaping at him.
"What is…. the matter? Did… something happen?" he asked slowly, still half-asleep.
Naturally, it was Feliciano who broke the silence first.
"Huh….?" He spoke, still confused.
But Lovino didn't have the same reaction. In fact, he wasn't having any reaction. He was just standing there, his mouth gaping open like a fish, trying to figure out what to say.
"Neeeehhhh? What's the matter, Roma? Cat got your tongue?" Taiyo-chan joked. But then she got a little worried when he still didn't say anything. "Romano?"
"Lovi?" Spain called out, patting Lovino on his shoulder softly.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, he reacted.
And what a reaction it was.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!"
Ha! I told you I would get through this chapter quickly, sis
ML: I never doubted you for a second.
Hmph. The sarcasm is strong within you. But I don't have time for sarcasm. I have more updating to do!
ML: Then you better get to it-chazu.
I am, I am. Bye everyone! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.