Hetalia Meets Wikipedia: Italy
Here is the third chapter! No time to waste!
ML: You can at least spare some time to greet the readers who are new to this story.
….Oh crap, yeah. Forgot about that. (Waves to the audience) Hello everybody! Hope you like the story so far!
ML: Forgive her-chazu. She's been ignoring her sleep in order to get this done.
I want this done ML and I will ignore my sleep if I have to. Only once I finish all of this will I sleep for about 48 hours.
ML: Taiyo-chan….sis, that's a coma.
(Shrugs) That's just how it be in this world. Now do your thing.
ML: You worry me-chazu. Taiyo-chan does not own Hetalia Axis-Powers or Wikipedia. If she did, I'm sure she wouldn't be exhausting herself like this.
Don't call me out like this, ML!
Chapter 3: Ancient Italia… Wait Ancient?
"Ve~! Fratello! Speak to me, fratello!"
"Lovi, please open your eyes!"
"Kesesese~! I can't believe he fainted! What a wuss!"
"Ano, but does anybody know how to wake him up?"
After his initial freak-out, which lasted for a total of five minutes, Romano did the only thing he could do at the moment.
He fainted.
Now the nations find themselves trying to wake up the prone Italy brother. Italy tried hug therapy. Spain put Senor Tortuga on Romano's face to try and wake him up. China and Japan suggested herbal tea. France thought of groping him, but was quickly smacked upside the head by England and Spain. America said a hamburger would work because it's a cure for everything – OW! Iggy, why did you have to hit me so hard!?
All of this left Germany to watch from the sidelines. Germany could feel a twitch developing near his eye. He was going to have a migraine by the end of all this he just knew it. Why was this happening? He sighed warily and began massaging his temple with his left hand. How was it that a simple World Meeting could descend into such chaos? (Even though chaos was natural, but he could control it those times.)
'Oh yes' Germany thought darkly as he stared at the human girl who was laughing alongside his brother. 'It was her.'
Yes, it was her doing. This woman had managed to walk around the UN building without getting picked up by the security guards (he would have to take a look at the security cameras). Then she barged into the room as if she owned it and decided that she was going to 'teach them'. How will she teach people who are centuries older than her? He could have thrown her out in the beginning, oh yes he could have, but he didn't. Ludwig had seen that look in her eyes when she grabbed him. It was the same look Russia got when whatever small amount of sanity he had left crumbled. But this girl's look was on a far, far darker scale.
Germany was no fool. He wasn't poking that beast.
'When will this end?' Germany wondered in despair.
"Well that all depends on what you would consider "the end". 'Cause there's a lot of history I still have to go over. And that history branches out to other subjects too."
Ludwig nearly jumped into the air in surprise, but he kept the urge back. Right there beside him was Taiyo-chan, standing innocently, watching the other's attempts at waking . How she managed to sneak up behind him was something he may never figure out. Germany then remembered that she had somehow answered his question when he hadn't said it aloud.
'Can she read minds too?' The blonde-haired man backed away slightly. Taiyo-chan smirked. "Oh don't worry Luddy. I don't read minds." She paused and her forehead furrowed in thought. "At least I don't think I can. Man, would it be cool if I could actually read people's minds." She shook her head. "But yeah, I don't read minds. Just people."
Germany just stared at the easily distracted teenager.
"Right" He cleared his throat. "Well, Taiyo-chan. How do you plan on continuing when one of your representatives is out of commission?" He pointed at the spectacle of Feliciano waving a bowl of pasta under Lovino's nose. Where he got that bowl nobody knew but he was an Italian after all, so nobody questioned it very hard.
Taiyo-chan scratched behind her right ear (her human one, not the cat one), a thoughtful face on her… er face. She snapped her fingers in triumph seconds later.
"Be right back." Was all she said before running back over to the conference table. She reached her backpack (not before saying hi to Canada who was standing quietly by the table) and began rummaging through it. Taiyo-chan let out a cry of triumph and pulled out a small plastic bag.
Germany wondered what was in the suspicious plastic bag as he saw Matthew's eyes widen and he shook his head frantically in the negative. Taiyo-chan simply paid no mind to him and (after hugging Matthew goodbye), jogged over to Romano. She casually flicked Gilbert in the head when he tried to give the Italian a wet willy.
("Verdammt! What the hell was that for?"
"I like tormenting younger siblings as much as any older sibling, but now's not the time.")
She kneeled over and pulled something out from the bag. Japan, who was kneeling beside her, looked in shock at what he saw. "Taiyo-san-!"
"Taiyo-chan is fine." The girl replied nonchalantly.
Japan's cheeks reddened a bit. Such an informal use of the term between strangers was rarely seen in his country. " Taiyo-chan. Is that not a little too much for Romano-san?" Kiku asked tentatively.
Yao, who was right next to Kiku, was curious as to what they were talking about. "What do you have in your hand-aru?" China asked. Taiyo-chan giggled and showed whatever it was she was holding.
"Aiyah! Those are very strong-aru! How did you get such a thing? They do not sell it just to anybody here in America! Especially young girls!" the Asian nation yelled.
America looked up when he heard his name mentioned. "I don't sell to just anybody what?" he asked.
But it was already too late. Taiyo-chan opened the bag and waved it underneath Lovino's nose and waited for it to take effect.
Feliciano tugged on her jacket sleeve. "Ve? Ve? What does that do Taiyo-chan?" he asked her. He hoped that it doesn't heart his fratello badly.
"And what is that horrible stench?" France commented, waving his hand in front of his face.
As soon as France said that, Lovino gasped loudly and sat up quickly, nearly knocking his head into Antonio's. "Motherfucker!" the Italian yelled angrily. "What the fucking hell was that smell?!" he shouted, choking slightly on his breath. Jesus Christ, what the hell was that for?
"That, dear Roma, was the Jujimufu Smelling Salts. Alternatively called AHHH! by those who have ever used them before. " Taiyo-chan answered as she got up from the carpet and put the smelling salts back where she retrieved them in her backpack.
"How were you able to get such a thing – aru?" China asked. "They are only sold to professional athletes and the like, not to a random teenage girl.
"Oh I know…people." The girl said cryptically. The nations around her shuddered. They really did not want to know.
"Ve! Fratello, you're okay!" Italy reached over and hugged his brother tightly. Romano frowned and pushed Italy away from him. "What the hell happened?"
"Oh, you had fainted after Taiyo-chan told us we're related to Big Brother Greece." Feliciano gestured towards the Greek nation, who was sitting next to them with a cat in his lap. Lovino froze after that particular sentence. He hoped that it was all just one hallucination that was brought upon by drinking too much tomato juice before bed.
But no. The nightmare was real.
"Hello…there." Heracles waved slowly at Romano with his right hand, his eyes still barely open.
Romano felt his eye twitch erratically and he looked back at Taiyo-chan. "Why?" he asked angrily. Taiyo-chan simply shrugged her shoulders. "It is my job as a lover of history to bring out the truth no matter how hurtful or mentally traumatizing it may be." She then patted Romano on the head. Antonio had to quickly grab hold of the Italian nation before he decided to go on a homicidal killing spree. " Hopefully you understand, Roma."
"Ve~. Such a noble cause." Feliciano added in.
Alfred nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah! That is awesomely heroic of you! And I should know since I'm a hero!" Alfred made the appropriate heroic pose. Behind him, Arthur rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"Let us all go back to our seats and resume the presentation!" Germany commanded. All the nations got up and went back to their seats. Spain carried away Romano while covering his mouth to prevent the curses spilling out of his mouth from being heard. The sole human returned to her platform.
"Mattie! Hand me Cheez!" she requested.
The Canadian only looked at her in confusion. "Cheez? What's a Cheez?" he asked. The dark-skinned girl waved her hand in the air. "Cheez. You know my giant buster pencil that I threatened Luddy with and use to point out things?" Germany twitched and Canada paled a bit at the mention of the writing utensil.
He was wondering how pencils that size was made and why would she need it. Why was it a 'buster pencil'? And why did she name it Cheez?
Matthew shook those thoughts out of his head. 'Maple, I probably don't want to know.' He thought as he walked towards the wall and grabbed the pencil. He was surprised with how light it was. It looked like it weighed over 60, maybe 70 pounds. Matthew carried Cheez back to its rightful owner. Taiyo-chan nodded in gratitude and took it away from the Canadian.
"Now then, If I may?" she began, adjusting her glasses. The girl looked between Italy, who waved cheerfully at her from between Greece and Germany, and Romano, who was sitting moodily next to Spain. "Thousands of Palaeolithic-era artifacts have been recovered from Monte Poggiolo and dated to around 850,000 years before the present, making them the oldest evidence of first hominins habitation in the peninsula. Excavations throughout Italy revealed a Neanderthal presence dating back to the Paleolithic period, some 200,000 years ago, while modern Humans appeared about 40,000 years ago. The Italic tribes of Pre-Roman Italy, such as the Umbrians, the Latins, Volsci Samnites, the Celts, the Ligures and many others, were Indo-European stock. The main historic peoples of non-Indo-European heritage include the Etruscans, the Elymians and Sicani in Sicily and the prehistoric Sardinians."
Taiyo-chan slowly walked around the table, gesturing to the Italy brothers and Greece. "Between the 17th to the 11th century BC Mycenaean Greeks established contacts with Italy and in the 8th and 7th centuries BC Greek colonies established all along the coast of Sicily and the southern part of the Italian Peninsula became known as Magna Graecia. The Greek colonization placed the Italic peoples in contact with democratic government forms and with elevated artistic and cultural expressions. Also, the Phoenicians established colonies on the coasts of Sardinia and Sicily." Taiyo-chan turned towards Feliciano, Lovino, and Heracles. "I bet the three of you sort of remember that, don't you?"
The three Mediterranean countries faintly did remember that encounter.
Stop! Flashback Time!-
"Now Heracles, stay close to me alright?"
"Yes Mother."
Ancient Greece nodded in approval before walking forward, young Greece's hand clutched securely in hers. The nation watched as the Mycenaeans unloaded their items for trading. It was a very pleasant experience for them to be able to explore outside of their island home. Also, it would prove beneficial for them if they were to become allies with these so called 'Sardinians'.
Right next to her, Heracles was staring around at all of the workers with a sleepy expression on his face, but she could see the hint of curiosity in his eyes. A snow white Rag doll was slinking closely at his feet. Heracles absentmindedly reached a hand down to pet its head.
"Hello there!" came a loud, booming voice. Mama Greece and Young Greece looked up to see a large man come running towards them. It was a large man, who towered above most of the men there. He had tanned skin and chocolate brown eyes that twinkled cheerfully. His curly dark hair hung lightly on his head and he wore a simple white tunic with a leather belt tied around his waist and leather sandals on his feet. He was waving frantically at them from a few yards away.
Mama Greece rose an eyebrow while Young Greece barely paid attention as he was still preoccupied with Rag Doll at his feet.
"Oh it is so nice to finally meet you! My name is Rome but you can call me Romulus!" Rome exclaimed as he reached out and took Mama Greece's hand. "And what may I call a lovely lady such as yourself?" he asked as he held her hand.
Mama Greece smiled patiently. "I am Hellas." She stated as she extracted her hand from Rome's grip. "And this is my son Heracles." She motioned faintly to the young boy standing at her side.
Rome looked down at him. "Awwww! He is so adorable!" He kneeled down and ruffled the young boy's hair. Heracles didn't even bat an eyelash at the gesture, just looked boredly at the man before him. "And that reminds me, I have to show you my grandsons. They are the cutest things ever! Rome reached behind himself and pulled out two white blobs.
Wait- One of the blobs just made a strange Ve~ sound. The Grecian nations looked closer and realized that the white blobs were actually two little toddlers. One had auburn colored hair underneath a white cap with a small curl on the left side of his head. Strangely, his eyes were closed. The other one looked exactly the same, except he had dark brown hair and the hair curl was on the right side of his head. They were both wearing white little dress shirts with green ribbons at the collar of the dress-like garments.
"These are my grandsons Feliciano and Lovino." Rome stated as he nuzzled both boys on the cheeks. "Aren't they just the most adorable little things you have ever seen!" The one with the darker hair made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat while the one with his eyes closed made the Ve~ noise again.
Mama Greece smiled softly as she stared at the two toddlers before her. " Very cute." She said lightly. Heracles tilted his head to the side slightly as he watched the twins. "How about we begin discussing our business for the time being. Heracles can look after them if you would like?"
Rome made a thoughtful sound before nodding his head. "Okay, I guess that's fine." He gently set the two boys down on the ground. "Now Feli, Roma, you two be good little children and be nice to little Greece, all right?" Feliciano nodded his head, cooing softly, while Lovino just huffed and tried to kick Rome in the shin.
As the two older nations began the topic of the settlementation, Little Greece stared down at the little baby nations before him. Lovino was staring around kicking his legs up and down in the dirt, while Feliciano was wiggling around making those little Ve~ noises again.
Suddenly, Feliciano giggled loudly and Heracles saw that his attention was set on his cat. Little Greece rose an eyebrow slowly. "You want to…. play with the cat?" Feli nodded his head eagerly. Next to him, Lovi seemed a bit interested in the Ragdoll kitten as well.
Little Greece lifted up the kitten gently into his arms and walked over to the brothers. He sat down in the dirt, laying down the cat in his lap. Feliciano excitedly crawled over and started to pat the kitten vigorously. Lovino settled beside him and tentatively started to pet the feline as well.
They spent the rest of their time together like that. When Romulus and Hellas came back, they found the two toddlers and young child sleeping, with Heracles between him and still holding the Ragdoll.
"Can I play…. With them again?"
Stop! Flashback Time! –
"AWWWWWWWWW!"
Everyone was so enraptured in the tale of cuteness they just heard.
"That was, like, so totally adorable!" Poland commented. "Like, right, Lit?" Lithuania smiled at Poland and nodded his head in agreement.
Denmark, America, and Prussia were laughing somewhere. Hungary was squealing. Japan was taking down notes for a new manga of his. Italy and Greece were messing around with cats that seem to have appeared out of nowhere. And Romano was fuming.
"Oh Lovi, your face is turning all tomato-like again." Spain murmured as he looked over his mi amour's face. Like he said, Lovino face was steadily turning a shade of red that no person should possess. In fact, one could just imagine steam coming out of his ears if he turned any redder.
And Antonio's hand was still covering his mouth. And he did not take this very well. Not at all.
"Lovi? What's with that loo- AAAAAHHHH!"
The nations (and human) were startled and looked up to find out what was wrong.
"HE BIT MEEEEEEE!"
Gilbert was laughing so hard right now that his pale features turned red and he fell out of his chair, laughing so hard. France, America, Germany, and Italy got up and tried to separate the two. But it turned out to be harder than expected.
Once you got Italy Romano started up on something, nothing will stop him from inflicting his anger on the poor slob who garnered it.
Taiyo-chan looked on boredly, though she was grinning a little.
"Well then..." she began "While they deal with that, can I keep going?" Since the event was (sadly) frequent, mostly everybody else turned away and turned back to the human girl.
"Now then, where was I? Oh yeah~!" she shouted as she took out her pencil (Where does that thing even come from?) and pointed at the screen again. "Rome, a settlement around a ford on the river Tiber conventionally founded in 753 BC, was ruled for a period of 244 years by a monarchical system, initially with sovereigns of Latin and Sabine origin, later by Etruscan kings. The tradition handed down seven kings: Romulus, Numa Pompilius, Tullus Hostilius, Ancus Marcius, Tarquinius Priscus, Servius Tullius and Tarquinius Superbus. In 509 BC, the Romans expelled the last king from their city and established an oligarchic the wake of Julius Caesar's rise and death in the first century B.C., Rome grew over the course of centuries into a massive empire stretching from Britain to the borders of Persia, and engulfing the whole Mediterranean basin, in which Greek and Roman and many other cultures merged into a unique civilisation."
"The long and triumphant reign of the first emperor, Augustus, began a golden age of peace and prosperity. The Italian Peninsula was named Italia and, as the territory of the city of Rome, maintained a special status which made it "not a province, but the Domina (ruler) of the provinces". More than two centuries of stability followed, during which Italy was referred to as the rectrix mundi (queen of the world) and omnium terrarum parens (motherland of all lands)."
(At the end of the table, Russia felt a spike of irritation. Only he could hold the title of Motherland.
Nearby, Latvia fainted again.)
She tapped her foot in a staccato rhythm. "The Roman Empire was among the most powerful economic, cultural, political and military forces in the world of its time, and it was one of the largest empires in world history. At its height under Trajan, it covered 5 million square kilometres. The Roman legacy has deeply influenced the Western civilisation, shaping most of the modern world; among the many legacies of Roman dominance are the widespread use of the Romance languages derived from Latin, the numerical system, the modern Western alphabet and calendar, and the emergence of Christianity as a major world religion. The Indo-Roman trade relations, beginning around the 1st century BCE, testifies to extensive Roman trade in far away regions; many reminders of the commercial trade between the Indian subcontinent and Italy have been found, such as the ivory statuette Pompeii Lakshmi from the ruins of Pompeii."
"In a slow decline since the third century AD, the Empire split in two in 395 AD. The Western Empire, under the pressure of the barbarian invasions, eventually dissolved in 476 AD, when its last Emperor Romulus Augustulus was deposed by the Germanic chief Odoacer, while the Eastern half of the Empire survived for another thousand years.." Taiyo-chan looked at the information again and whistled. "Hot damn… Grandpa Roma was an old man and yet he managed to stay so hot over the years."
"THAT'S MY NONNO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, PSYCHO BITCH!" Romano yelled from across the room.
"Ve~! Fratello, you shouldn't talk to a lady like that!"
"Oh, what the hell do you know?!"
"Ita-chan is right, Lovi."
"Shut up, bastardo! I'm not FINISHED WITH YOU YET!" And Lovino focused his rage back on Antonio once again. Poor, poor, Spain.
Taiyo-chan looked at the carnage happening in front of her, shrugged, and walked over to Canada. She didn't see a problem, so she was content to ignore it.
"So Mattie." Taiyo-chan asked, resting her elbows on the northern nation's chair. "You want to go have some pancakes with loads of maple syrup?"
Matthew just stared at her wide-eyed, aghast. There was a fight going only a few feet away from them and she wanted to go get pancakes?!
Gilbert suddenly appeared between the two of them. "Did someone mention maple syrup?"
Taiyo-chan nodded rapidly. "Yeah! We're gonna go get some pancakes!"
"Kesesesese! You're bringing the awesome me along with you, fraulein!"
"Of course!"
And then they both turned to Matthew with the most dangerous weapons in existence.
The Puppy and Kitty Eyes Jutsu.
(Somewhere along the edges of the brawl, Kiku felt his Naruto senses start to tingle.)
"Food." Kumajiro murmured as he pulled on Canada's pants leg.
Canada looked at the three sets of eyes focused on him. Then he looked at the melee. He could just about make out what looked like England suplexing France into the floor. Russia looked seconds away from pulling out his pipe.
….. Well, pancakes were the best food of all time.
He sighed. "Well, you need someone with the real maple syrup to be with you."
Taiyo-chan and Prussia squealed as they grabbed Matthew and bolted for the conference doors, off to the kitchen.
Taiyo-chan stopped for a second and looked at Hong Kong who was standing near the wall, silently taking pictures of everything. Blackmail was such a wonderful concept.
"Want to go get pancakes?" she asked.
Kaoru stared at her for a few seconds before shrugging silently and following after her.
Taiyo-chan could hardly contain her squeals. Her three favorite nations coming to eat pancakes and real real maple syrup with her?
Score!
'I knew this plan was going to be awesome!'
Ha! I told you I would get through this chapter, ML.
ML: I will only be impressed when you manage to create a new chapter for this story.
Will you ever be pleased with anything I do?! I cleaned the chapter up! I updated the information for Italy from the Wikipedia page! I fixed my typos and spelling mistakes! Doesn't that count for something?!
ML: It's not very hard to improve. You were hardly into writing, hadn't even taken any creative writing classes, when you first started this story.
Just watch me, I'm going to give out some totally new content that you'll have to be impressed by the what I do.
ML: I wait with anticipation-chazu.
Joke's on you, I'm bringing it out today! Look out!