"How the hell does anything work around here?" Rey grunted.
She slapped the screen and it gave a mellow beep. There was a strange keyhole dented into the wall and she was trying to tinker with it. Even years of experimenting with technology on Jakku gave her no success as the lock refused to budge.
"Computers," she sighed. "Wouldn't put it past him to be spying on me."
Her attention was diverted to a ball of lint resting on the carpet. Rey pounced on it and quickly threw it away. She lifted her head and scoured the room again.
She didn't know how to feel. The room was entirely against everything she had expected and beyond fancier than anything she could have anticipated. Her bed was coated in rich red covers that that were so slick and shiny that they slipped out of her fingers if she tried to grab them. The first night, she had immediately fallen asleep not a minute after her body sunk into the loose sheets. The pillow was even softer and automatically conformed to the shape of her head instead of after a few punches; Rey had let loose a quick squeal of delight at how functional it was. The headboard consisted of a dark wood from Maker-knows-where, but it was strong enough to support the entire bed. The mattress rested on four legs that each had ornate designs on them once she looked closer. They were nothing compared to the hard bunkers that the Resistance called beds, ones with crinkly sheets and hard pillows. At least on Jakku, she was by herself and didn't have to tolerate the incessant snoring.
If she was staring at the door, then the open space to the left were her drawers, directly facing her bed oriented against the wall. Rey had resisted the urge to dig through them last night and had slept in the clothes she had woken up in, but today was a different story. It was already early afternoon, and even though Rey craved to leave the confines of her room and explore, she took his warning to heart. A few times she took it with a grain of salt and had opened the door and peered on either side of the hallway, but she quickly received cold feet at the prospect of what would happen if someone caught her. Kamino was on the outskirts of the Outer Rim, and she was sure he would be too far away to come and rescue her in case if she did sneak out and run into trouble.
Rescue her! She was already starting to rely on him. Maker, she was caving already. Pitiful.
The other space to the right of the door sat a tiny table, no greater for two people. Two small, cozy lounge chairs complemented the black, shiny surface of the table. Tucked in the corner were two coniferous plants that towered halfway to the ceiling. Rey had been jolted from her deep sleep in the morning from two robotic hands that whirred out from the wall and watered the plants.
Even though the bed was divine, if she sat in bed all day, she would die from boredom. So she turned to the drawers, ignoring the large mirror that complemented the storage unit, and took her sweet time digging through them. Each one that she opened held pieces of garments. The top drawers had underwear and socks, the middle drawers had clothes for her upper body, and the row below held pants. Everything was in black except for the last drawer, and when she pulled it open, she sat in stunned silence. Inside were nightgowns of every color and pattern; she pulled all of them out, running her fingers through the soft material in adoration. Never before had she seen nor felt anything so luxurious. Some had straps, and others had shoulders. Colors from creamy white to charcoal black, from baby blue to lush forest green, were present. But the one that caught her eye the most was the one she pulled out with trembling fingers: a fiery red dress that seemed to melt in her hands.
Rey smiled, and she taunted herself. But her smile slowly slid from her face. The luxury, combined with her harsh, minimalist lifestyle and Kylo Ren, pressed tears to her eyes instead. Yes, she'll admit it. There was a mixture of emotions that were inside her, all unwarranted. Especially when she had heard him mention the Knight he was with. Jealousy had struck her without a moment's notice, and hurt was even quicker to replace it. Even though yesterday's conversation with him felt real and normal, she was not ready to come to terms with it.
Throwing the red nightgown back into the depths of the drawer, she uncrossed her legs and stood back up.
As she made her way through the opposite wall of the door into the small room off to the side, the refresher, her sadness gave way to anger. Did he think she was his slut now? Everything in the room screamed exotic, expensive, or both. Did he think that he could sway her to his side through his riches?
Never been with a woman, she replayed in her mind. Right.
Rey started the shower. The cleansing should have been a privilege, but she hardly felt the water drops. They seemed to evaporate the moment they touched her burning skin. Kylo Ren said he was her guest, and her room was certainly reflective of that statement. But until she had unwavering freedom to do whatever she pleased, she would be his prisoner.
Yesterday felt like a change in their relationship. For the first time, Kylo Ren wasn't his usual rude, condescending self. Although there were a few bumps in their conversation, most of it went smoothly. In fact, it wouldn't be exaggerating if she said she had enjoyed it, even. His concern for her was obvious, that much she knew. But in the end, it didn't matter if this connection pulled her to him. It didn't change the fact of the matter. She was his slave.
Even the stupid shower knob was expensive, made of some transparent crystal that sparkled whenever water slid down it. Rey grabbed the thing and screwed it, turning the shower off.
For a solid minute before she wrapped herself in a towel, she stood there dripping wet, refusing to accept the clothes he had provided her. Severely tempted to throw on her dirty clothes, she instead went for a new change of clothes, growling at how her logic outreasoned her irrationality. Her choices were limited, and there was absolutely no way she would succumb and wear a nightgown. So instead, she yanked articles of clothing out of the drawers until she combined pieces that contributed to an outfit strikingly similar to what she had been accustomed to wearing her whole life.
A pair of capri-length pants? Check. A tunic secured underneath a billowy wrap dress? Check. Knit gloves that wrapped snugly over new arm wraps all the way to her elbows? Check. A belt that could extend and wrap several times around her waist? Check. There was even a pair of boots that fit her perfectly. In fact, she would look almost as she had a few days ago except for one distinct difference: everything was black.
Curse the man.
Rey stood up, testing out the boots. They seemed sturdy, but she made sure by pacing back and forth in the room. She was confident that they were comfortable enough when her eye caught the mirror. Her pacing slowed to a crawl and she tentatively took a step forward until she could clearly see her reflection.
Was that her? She extended her fingertips to the cold surface, watching her reflection do the same. The definition of her skin, her wet hair, and sharp hazel eyes were all familiar, but the environment they were in were not. She looked alien, dressed in all black. It complemented her skin differently from what she was used to. The usual greyish tan clothes she usually adorned sinked in like camouflage to her slightly sun-kissed skin, but this black that covered her from neck to toe exaggerated the shade of her skin and made every wrinkle, every bit of her cheeks and jawline more pronounced. She looked vivid. Fiercer. Poised and confident. Elegant.
Rey couldn't put her finger on it at first, but then it came to her. She looked lethal. She glowed with purpose. And she found eyes glowing in the mirror. She liked this look.
A unique exuberance flowed through her veins. Whatever languidness she had been feeling while cooped up in this room vanished, and she found herself wanting to do something to dispose of this extra energy. She couldn't just sit, locked inside for another day and night. She was too excited.
The door was taunting her. Rey stared at it, contemplating her choices. She could spend the next half day examining the bedsheets or patterns of the carpet, or she could leave the room and explore. She could even meditate and try to reach out to Kylo. No…she wouldn't give in.
Just acknowledging her stubborn refusal made it all the more clear that she was in serious denial. Rey growled.
Exploring it was. It would be like her and wreckages on Jakku, but with one major difference: everyone on this ship were enemies.
But would they be her enemies? She was dressed like one of them, and no longer stood out like a sore thumb. If she kept her head down and walked with motive…
Rey convinced herself. She walked to the entrance and palmed the screen. The door made a whooshing sound and slid to the side. Peering her head out, there was emptiness.
"Good enough for me," she muttered, stepping out. She wished her staff was with her. It would provide her some defense in case she absolutely needed it, but her opinion changed when she realized that it would only serve to arouse more suspicion if members of the First Order spotted her armed with an unorthodox weapon.
She could choose to turn left or right, but Rey took the route that she was familiar with: the same one she memorized when Kylo Ren and she walked from the interrogation room to her quarters. Maybe she could find a training room and some training dummies to spar with. It wouldn't be betraying the Resistance if she used First Order resources to her benefit. She needed keep her agility and strength up so that when the day comes, she would be ready.
It took another few paces before it suddenly hit her. The Resistance! Rey slapped her forehead with one of her hands. She was aboard the Finalizer. Imagine how easy it would be to send a message to Leia! All she would have to do is encode the communication. Why didn't she think of this earlier? Idiot!
With her mind set on a new agenda, she took off, pacing herself even faster. A few hallways passed by before she realized she had no idea where she was going. Her stomach dropped when she thought about Kylo. Was he monitoring her? The Supreme Leader was bound to busy, but even she knew he held almost an obsessive attachment to her. He might already know that she wasn't in her room. He could even be spying on her right now through the hallway cameras. Her face wouldn't need to be shown for him to identify her; he was bound to recognize her outfit and the way her hair was tied in three buns behind her head.
He doesn't need cameras to spy on you, Rey told herself. Or have you forgotten already? She clutched at her chest. Kylo was there, but unless she intentionally willed herself to focus in on him, his presence was not ascertained.
Rey shook her head and set her mind to the task ahead. It didn't matter. She pressed her attention toward his faults and found that it reassured her. She already knew that he was a madman with some deluded fantasy that she was his to control and to turn into an ally of the First Order's. Last she checked, they were enemies, and she intended it to stay that way.
Rey walked and walked for what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes, before she rounded a hallway that was unfamiliar to her. Nearing the end stretch of it, she heard the sound of controlled boots clicking against the floor.
Stormtroopers.
The shadow of their uniforms started to grow larger and larger around the corner, and Rey began to panic. She backed up a few paces and began running in the opposite direction, but came to a stop. She was in all-black, a common look amongst people of high rank. And Kylo Ren didn't seem like the kind of person who would share more news than necessary of her capture to the rest of the First Order for sake of revealing their unorthodox connection. There was no way for low-ranking Stormtroopers to know who she was, right?
She took a deep breath and turned around and began walking toward the sound of the voices. It had better work, otherwise she would be in deep trouble.
The Stormtroopers rounded the corner and abruptly stopped when they saw a strange woman dressed in all black walking toward them with long strides.
"Halt," the Stormtrooper voiced, raising his gun. The woman stopped a few steps in front of them.
Who are you?" the same Stormtrooper asked, his voice full of skepticism.
Rey hesitated for a slight second, and then narrowed her eyes. She could feel the waves of nervousness radiate from the other Stormtrooper who had yet to say anything.
"You should know well not to disturb a woman who is walking with purpose…RS-2678 and 3042," she spoke, mustering her voice with as much authority as she could. Imagine how she sounded to the Stormtroopers if she herself sounded alien to her own ears.
The silent one, RS-3042, recoiled slightly under her dangerous glare, but RS-2678 refused to be menaced. He took a step forward and jabbed the blaster rifle into Rey's side.
"Identification. Now."
"I recommend you remove your weapon from me, now," she commanded in a voice so frightening that she felt RS-2678's grip loosen. "I have no time for me to dwell on you or this pointless confrontation."
"Who are you?" he asked again.
Rey willed her brain to come up with a believable answer, and she breathed an internal sigh of relief when it did.
"I am a Knight of Ren," she lied. "That should be enough information."
The pressure of the blaster rifle was removed from her side.
"I see. Where is your helmet?"
RS-3042 finally spoke up, and Rey was surprised when the voice she heard belonged to a woman, and not a man.
"Maybe we should back off…I'm sure she is who she says she is."
The male Stormtrooper waved her off.
"You should do well to listen to RS-3042. Otherwise, I will see to it personally that you are sent to reconditioning." Rey's voice still held animosity, but inside, she was getting worried.
"We have to make sure no Resistance scum is aboard this ship. You heard about the information leak, 3042. The Supreme Leader made it clear. Follow protocols and allow no leniency."
Rey tucked this piece of information in for later.
RS-2678 turned his attention back to her. "We need to see identification."
She was certain that if it was Kylo being questioned, he would have snapped the Stormtrooper's neck already at his nosiness, but she was not him. Internally, she cursed. Even though she felt the Stormtrooper's fear at the thought of reconditioning, he still stayed true to his orders.
She was trapped. She had no badge on her, nothing that even implied that she was a part of the First Order. There was nothing but her own words and how the Stormtroopers chose to interpret them. A pit of despair blossomed in her chest when she realized there was only one thing left to do.
Closing her eyes, she tapped down deep within. Her predilection toward the Force was improving, but it had yet to come at her mere will. Finding the source, she opened her eyes.
The Stormtrooper's hands flew to his neck and he began choking. A moment later, his feet lifted from the ground and he flew to the side, his back crashing against the wall with a loud smack.
Rey's held her hand in front of her and squeezed even harder, feeling the invisible cords tighten around the Stormtrooper's neck. She could feel the race of his heart as it struggled to pump blood into his brain and the wheezing of his chest as he struggled to ingest air for his lungs.
RS-2678 was twitching now. His hands were futilely trying to pry his helmet off his head in a poor attempt to try to loosen the imperceptible grip fastened around his neck.
"Please, Miss Ren!" the other Stormtrooper pleaded, dropping to both knees in front of Rey. "He was just following orders! Don't do this to him!"
The female Stormtrooper kneeling at her feet filled Rey with a sense of control. For a serious moment, Rey was tempted to raise her other hand and choke her as well. Some of the darkness that was stored away had begun to seep out of the crevices in her lockbox, and part of her wanted to see the female Stormtrooper scream and choke until her voice was permanently silenced.
But as quickly as it came, it disappeared.
Rey dropped her hand, and the Stormtrooper came crashing down on his back, where he made contact with the ground. He slumped to the side lifelessly. RS-3042 scurried past Rey and over to her comrade, and she began checking for signs of life.
The female Stormtrooper turned her head to Rey and stared silently behind her helmet. Rey could feel her eyes piercing through her soul, seeing her for what she truly was. A monster.
Rey stumbled backwards. "I—I'm sorry," she choked, in disbelief. RS-3042 peered at her for a few more seconds, then refocused her attention back on her injured friend.
All Rey could hear were her own footsteps as she staggered backward behind their line of sight, and then she turned around and began running away. She ran down several flights of hallways before she stopped, unable to move anymore. The nausea escalated to a point where she couldn't hold it down anymore, and Rey gagged. But she hadn't eaten anything this morning, so all she could do was dry heave.
She was a monster. She was a monster.
She was no better than Kylo Ren. Convincing herself that she had to do what she did for the sake of her preservation slowed down her heartrate for a moment, but then shame washed over her at how selfish she was, at how she would injure others to protect herself.
Maybe her years on Jakku is what led to her mentality. Old habits die hard.
The wall seemed like a good surface to vent some anger, and she balled her hand into a fist and punched it. A spasm ran through her arm, but the pain felt gratifying. Self-infliction was her release.
"Stop justifying your actions," she muttered to herself. "You have a mission. Find Leia."
Rey took a deep breath, steadying herself. Then she took off again.
It wasn't long before she came to a new corridor. Rey wanted to see if scanning her hand opened the door at the end of the hallway, but she jumped in pleasant surprise when sensors beneath her feat automatically detected her presence and automatically opened the door.
Inside was the communication system.
She pumped her fist in celebration before moving to the lit panels. An attempt at immediate Force-pulling a nearby chair lead to a flimsy shake of the furniture. She gave a small huff and manually slid it over to the system, where she then sat down and digested the complex machinery and its operational status.
Years of a lonely life on Jakku didn't lead to nothing. Often times, to escape death by boredom, she would salvage bits and pieces from collapsed ruins that were too invaluable to trade for a small amount of portions. A flame of anger flickered inside her at how unfair Unkar Plutt was, trading piles of useful scavenges for only a measly amount of portions.
While she was waiting for encryption to complete, Rey couldn't help but continuously reflect on the odious junkboss, reviewing how grubby his hands felt on her arm the one night she tried sneaking in and stealing. How the welts on the back of her thighs stung so much she was limping for the next week.
Maker, she was so hungry back then. The gnawing sensation inside her stomach that was indefinite, so severe that she regularly cried herself to sleep at night after tallying another mark on the hull of her AT-AT...a childhood that had to be completely focused on grueling hours of work, leaving no time for socializing, rendered her awkward around other signs of intelligent life.
Rey's nails dug into her palm. She wanted to blame her parents, but there were no corporeal faces to designate her hatred towards. There was only one person who oppressed her life and kept her hungry at all times, for years on years. Hate didn't even come close to describing her feelings for him.
Unkar Plutt.
The system beeped, diverting Rey's attention from her muse. A few seconds ensued in which she spent flicking a few switches and tapping in the channel coordinates for the broadcast. After she was satisfied everything was correct and the encryption was secure, she pressed a red button on her right. A timer began on the screen, and Rey blankly stared at it for a few seconds as she pulled her thoughts together.
"Broadcasting to the Resistance, this is an urgent message for General Organa. This is Rey. I'm currently abroad the Finalizer. Please let Finn, Poe, and BB-8 know that I'm okay." She paused, then resumed. "Kylo Ren is Supreme Leader; he has been since the battle on Crait. According to him, the Resistance is currently off the First Order's radar."
She twiddled her thumb nervously.
"I'm in one of their communication rooms, and I have to be careful as to not get caught. Don't worry. I'm safe. I wish I knew the First Order's endgame, and I swear I'll do my hardest to find out. But until then, please don't send a response. I don't know when I can find time for my next message, but if you get this…may the Force be with you."
Although Rey was tempted to end the transmission, she knew she had to confess one more thing, or the guilt would eat her alive.
With a shaky breath, she turned her mouth back toward the microphone.
"I—I'm so sorry, Leia," she choked, thinking back to her last private moments with the General. "I'm sorry for how things are. I'm sorry for how I hurt you. And—"
The control panel around her blurred after tears sprang to her eyes.
"And I'm sorry for Luke's death."
There, she said it.
Before she lost control, Rey ended the transmission. The inevitable guilt climaxed and edged over the brim and she brought her hands to her face and began sobbing uncontrollably. Every demon that she had locked away resurfaced and they angrily attacked, breaking her mind into little shards. She saw Leia's face when she pushed her down, and the overwhelming sadness mixed with betrayal etched on her worn features. She saw Luke shaking, losing his calm expression, when she was defeated. But what broke her the most was the closure Luke felt right before he was executed. Even in war, he was at peace.
All of this was because of her. How many more would die for her before the war was over? Just how many more would sacrifice their lives for her safety?
Her burdens weighed on her shoulders like heavy boulders. She thought she was strong, but the reality was that she was not. Rey didn't feel like a Jedi. She felt like a small child. Lost. Frightened. Terrified.
And at that moment, she hated who she was. She hated everything about life, as if it was mocking her. Why was it that she, out of the trillions of beings in the galaxy, was the one whose destiny would permanently sway the course of the galaxy? Ripped away from her life on Jakku and thrust into a war she didn't want, fighting for survival in a much different way. All of this burden that she had to carry, a scavenger from junk trading parents. A nobody.
Responsibility. She was not ready. Those were the words Luke said to her on Ahch-To. Never before had they held as much meaning as they did now. She fully understood what Luke meant.
She didn't know how long she sat there, but by the time she lifted her head from the panel, her tears had already caked on her cheeks. After checking the time, she rose to her feet and scolded herself. If anyone had walked in while her defenses were down, then that would've be the end of her.
Poking her head out of the room, she saw that the hallway was empty. At first she started to walk back to her quarters, but then her feet turned the other way. She wasn't ready to return into the confines of her cell, and rather settled for a walk with no destination.
Her misery slowly gave way to anger with a further step she took away from her room. Rey had always originally approached the root of problem with one thing in mind: that her weakness was what led to their downfall.
The soft pattering of her footsteps stopped. What if it wasn't her? What if her sadness was misplaced, and the root of the problem lay in the enemies she fought, and not herself? The more she thought about it, the angrier she got. If there was no war, no sides…if she could grow stronger to hold her own and defeat everyone that stood in her way…then she will reach her purpose. Then there would be no opposition, and there would be no grief. There would be no heartbreak. There would be no burden if there were no problems.
There may be another way, but for now, this is what she would settle with. Instead of sulking around, she should allot of her available time training mentally and physically, growing stronger.
Rey's mind was set, her spirit renewed with similar energy that led her to leave her room in the first place.
She approached an unfamiliar hallway and walked halfway the distance before she realized she was in a place she should not be. The sound of voices began to slowly permeate her ears, but instead of walking away from them, she closed the gap, curiosity having gotten the better of her.
To her right was a large opening that led into a massive enclosure. Her head peeked around the edge. The platform in front of her gave way into a few dipping stair steps that led to a numerous amount of computers with First Order employees sitting behind each chair. Somehow, she had sneaked her way to the main deck.
Her eyes flickered across the room. She took the tired, haggard faces of men and women alike as they worked overtime, sipping coffee to funnel as much energy as they could into their bodies before they expired for the day. The only exception was a couple of young First Order officers laughing at some inside joke they only knew. Rey couldn't get over how normal they were.
"Maker, they're so similar to the Resistance," she whispered to herself. And they were. The core of their existence was the exact same.
"Of course they are. Did you think we were barbarians?"
Rey spun around faster than a blaster shot to a man towering over her. She didn't need to look into his face to know who it was. His voice was altered and robes replaced, missing the tears that were present in Snoke's throne room, but his stature was the same. And who else would wear a pleated surcoat?
Kylo Ren continued, ignoring her look of shock at his artifice.
"Hello, Rey."
There was something about his helmet that intimidated her. His true face lay behind that mask of his, and it was very easy to envision him as an evil stranger than the one she felt like she knew. Kylo Ren.
"They all have families. Friends. Loved ones they would die for. Just because we are the First Order does not mean we are soulless."
"No," she spat, backing away. "But their Supreme Leader is." This was the first time she alone had seen him with his helmet on since he tried to pry her mind open, and it did nothing but rouse bitter memories inside of her.
"What are you doing here, Rey?"
"Can you take off that stupid helmet of yours?" she asked, looking away. She could feel his eyes appraising her outfit.
"You don't like it?" he asked, his voice piqued in curiosity.
"Not particularly."
"The fewer people who know my face, the better. The Supreme Leader is a symbol of power, not a lone man."
He took a step forward. Rey tried to take one back, but could not when she felt the cold wall press against her back.
"What are you doing out here? I already told you trying to spy on us is fruitless."
"I wasn't trying to spy on you!" she argued. "You had me trapped like some rabid animal. I've been locked in a room for two days. There's no way I can do another. I need air. So I decided to explore."
"Explore?" he asked. She could feel him raising his eyebrows behind that helmet of his.
"Yes." It wasn't a complete lie.
"I sense that you are robust." He took his gloved hand and gestured to her arm wraps. "What's this?"
"Clothes from the quarters. You should know, since you put them there," she retorted with a soft snort.
"Your quarters. Resourceful."
"Well, my options were severely limited. It seems like all you provided for me was one color."
She could feel his stare on her tunic. "Black becomes you, Rey."
She turned her head off to the side and could feel a shade of pink blossoming over her cheeks.
"Thank you," she finally settled. She found herself shuffling her foot back and forth and immediately stopped.
"Now that you've directly disobeyed my orders, I guess I have no choice but to show you around," he said stiffly. "To fulfill your…explorative appetite."
Rey couldn't help the smile. "Kylo Ren," she teased. "Are you bantering?"
"Perhaps. I leave it up to your interpretation."
He offered her his hand. Rey was about to take it, but jumped back in the last second. Her head darted to his, and even though his helmet was shadowing his features, she knew he was simmering at her rejection.
"You already know what will happen if our hands touch. Until I figure out more about our connection, I'd like to keep the contact to a bare minimum, unless absolutely necessary. Please understand that."
Communicating to him from within was entirely different than physically touching him. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. It was overwhelming.
He stared at her, but then surprised her by stiffly nodding. She was certain he wouldn't adhere to her request. Walking forward, she tagged along by his side.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked, her brisk, small strides easily overshadowed by his lengthy ones.
"Since you were so adamant on exploring, you may walk alongside me while I fulfill my duties for the remainder of the day," he replied, almost desultorily.
The two of them walked down the few stairs onto the bridge. The walkway was right in between both operation panels, and Rey couldn't help but notice how chairs swiveled around not to acknowledge the Supreme Leader, but the company at his side. Suddenly, owning a helmet didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.
"Supreme Leader, our reports from Numina have just come back in," a man said, approaching the two. There was something familiar about his flaming orange hair…
"Proceed, General."
The general stopped tapping on his tablet and looked up, straight into the face of Rey.
The next scene unfolded in slow-motion.
Rey caught a glimpse of the general's pale skin and the widening of his eyes. His mouth slightly dipped, but then erected itself into a firm scowl, his teeth bared. She saw the slight tilt of his body to the left as his right hand went to grab at the blaster clipped onto his belt.
But she was faster. Before he could unstrap his weapon and shoot her with it, Rey took two steps forward and stretched her hand out behind her, calling Kylo Ren's lightsaber to her. She closed the remaining distance between them and pressed the cold, hard tip of the hilt into his chest.
To any spectator, it would appear as if the close proximity between the two was the start of a long-awaited tryst.
"Remove your hand from your belt," she warned.
General Hux's eyes flitted to the weapon pressed against his uniform, then to Rey's eyes.
"You wouldn't dare," he challenged, but she saw a flicker of fear behind his indomitable mask.
Rey's grip on her hilt tightened and he grimaced at the increased pressure. "Test me," she whispered threateningly. If he was a general, then he was one of the leaders of the war. That meant he was one of the many responsible for the deaths of her friends. She pushed the hilt further up into his ribcage and he visibly grimaced this time.
The man glared at her for a long time, but his shoulders finally lost tension and he slowly removed his hand from his hip. A few seconds later, Rey followed suit, tucking the lightsaber into her belt and cautiously backing away.
"Hux, this is Rey, from Jakku. Rey, General Hux." It was apparent by the tone in Kylo's voice that he loathed the man.
"I'm well aware. This area is off-limits to all but First Order personnel. What is the scavenger doing here?" he sneered, after straightening his front.
"My apprentice and I were merely discussing training lessons for tomorrow."
Rey whirled around, about to give him a piece of her mind, but then caught herself.
"Your apprentice?" Hux asked, staring incredulously at her reaction. "I don't believe it."
"Believe what you want, Hux," Kylo Ren said. "Her responsibility belongs solely to me."
If Kylo lied to General Hux, then that meant…
"Now, the report."
Rey saw the general's jaw clench, but because he was either smart or scared or both, he followed orders and grumpily yanked the tablet up to his chest and began tapping. Kylo turned around to face the front of the ship and Rey followed suit.
"Reports for help have come in from within Rost's government. Our sources say they are rebelling."
"Who?"
"The principal leader, Damesh. Yesterday, he led a group of over four strong, attacking the First Order's supply chains."
"The Resistance?"
Rey sucked in her breath. She was sure Kylo Ren could sense her reaction.
General Hux glanced at Rey before answering.
"No, Supreme Leader. It seems as if Damesh was growing wary of the First Order's governing methods. He had been a public enemy of the First Order since our formation. Never hesitating to slander our name with his reckless denouncings on the Holonet, he had built up quite a bit of support. Although small in number, they were quite efficient. Twelve of our transport ships, responsible for delivering supplies and sustenance to the Star Destroyers, were destroyed during a brief refueling stop on the east side of the city." Hux scrolled his fingers on the screen and the larger hologram version of it zoomed in to a small sector in the city that Rey could not follow fast enough.
Rey couldn't even begin to fathom how much food that was, but it seemed like Kylo Ren could.
"Twelve?"
"Y—yes, Supreme Leader."
"And where are the culprits now?"
"We initiated a lockdown immediately after the destruction of First Order property, and there are now curfew regulations in place. Damesh and his cronies could not have made it out of the city without notice."
Kylo Ren nodded.
"Plot a course immediately for the Middle Rim. I want to be there within two days. Do not release the hold on the city until we get there. I will handle matters myself."
"If I may, as Supreme Leader, you need to assert your leadership with large masses for intimidation and protection—"
"Protection?" Kylo Ren turned to Hux, voice dangerously low.
"Not to undermine your strength, Supreme Leader, but Damesh has proven to be quite formidable—"
The General suddenly found it difficult to talk.
"You undermine my authority, Hux."
He stared at him a few more seconds before flicking his head Rey, who was standing by his side.
"On second thought, I will take someone," he said, relinquishing his hold on the poor man. "The girl. My apprentice. She will accompany me to the surface of Numina."
"Supreme Leader…sir?" Hux gasped, coming to a stand. "Against over fifty men?"
"You underestimate me, Hux."
"With all due respect, Supreme Leader, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance—"
My decision is final," he commanded. "You will now busy yourself by setting coordinates for the planet."
The ginger man finally nodded, a permanent dirty look etched on his face.
"Of course, Supreme Leader." Then he left.
Kylo Ren turned to Rey and was not surprised to find her brimming with anger at him. But before she could shout at him, he held up his hand.
"I do not wish to draw attention to us," he said.
Rey managed to keep herself in check. Although it would be a relief to give him a piece of her mind, doing in front of dozens of people was the last thing she wanted. The two of them began their walk back to the entrance of the main cabin.
Hushed whispers rose around him and Rey tried her best to tune them out, but to a limited extent. A few officers on one side of the room admired her lithe figure, to which elicited the hairs on her arms to stand up and a menacing growl to escape from her lips. Kylo Ren turned his head to her but did not say anything. Her ears also picked up questions asking why a Knight of Ren was present without their helmet on, to which she found herself disgusted by. But there was one personnel that she heard bitterly say something that caused her to snap for the third time today.
"Seems like the Supreme Leader has been preoccupying himself with a lowly damsel."
Rey spun around and stared at the man who uttered under his breath. His eyes grew wide as he realized his mistake too late.
"I am not his escort!"
She saw the man lift his bottom out of the seat and try to stand, but she Force-pushed him back down. His back slammed into the upholstery of the chair.
"Stay where you are," she hissed, stomping over to him.
"I—I didn't say anything," he pleaded, and his denial only served to further piss her off.
"You lie," she seethed, burning in a torrent of white-hot rage.
She didn't know why she did what she did. Perhaps the day had been more taxing than she thought. Maybe being near Kylo Ren had its detrimental side effects. Regardless, Rey lost control one more time and lifted her hand.
"Enough."
The young officer's back arched and his hands flew to his throat, but before she could squeeze harder, her power vanished and the man fell back into his chair.
She gasped, lowering her hand. It was far worse than the first time. Her disheveled face lifted and darted to Kylo Ren, who stood still with his hand outstretched, waiting for her next move.
"Rey." The voice was filled with barely suppressed anger, but not at her.
"Maker, what's happening to me?" she choked. She brought up her hands closer to her face and saw nothing but dark, red blood.
"No, no, no," she panted, wiping her palms against her pants before bringing them back up to make sure they were clean. More blood began oozing the crevices between her fingers.
"No," she backed. "I'm sorry, please—"
She couldn't face the guilt. She couldn't face another person looking at her with genuine fear. So she did the only thing she could do.
She ran away.
Kylo
"Someone pull up the security feed. I want to know where she is."
He paced back and forth for several minutes until he heard one of his personnel's voices.
"Supreme Leader, she appears to have disappeared inside her quarters. Instructions?"
"Continue our course for Numina!" he snarled at one of the pilots. The man shakily responded, but he ignored him.
As shameful as it sounded for an almost thirty year old man, Kylo Ren had never had held a relationship of any magnitude with any women. He found himself unsure of how to proceed. The scavenger was crying, and part of him was pulled to her—he wanted to go to her, but another part of him was, in a sense, wary. He had never been a compassionate human being, and during rare times where he did allow for emotions to briefly crack his composure, the feeling was unknown.
"Screw it all," he said, to no one in particularly. Whirling on his feet, he left the main deck. His duties could wait.
Why were her quarters so damn far away? Kylo paced himself with long, brisk strides through hallway after hallway. On-duty Stormtroopers stood sentinel, saluting him the moment they saw him round the corner, but he paid them no heed.
Before long, he was at the front of her door, unsure of how to proceed. He took his helmet off his head along with the glove off his hand and prepared to scan it, but then thought better. Knocking would be the right thing to do.
He knocked. Silence greeted him.
He knocked again.
Kylo Ren was just about to blast into her room after knocking for the third time when the door suddenly slid open to reveal a very distressed, red-eyed, and tear-stricken Rey. He didn't miss how a look of surprise appeared on her widening eyes, or how she tentatively retreated a step back into the shadows.
"May I come in?" he asked, feeling strange.
"Uhm…" Her voice was timid. "Okay."
She parted to the side and allowed him in. The two of them could have gone to the table and sat in the chairs, but instead they stood in the middle of the room. Unmoving. Unbreathing.
A long silence ensued. Kylo wasn't sure how to approach the matter at hand. He could sense a torrent of conflicted feelings threatening to rip her from the inside out. Finally, when the silence was no longer bearable, he spoke.
"Rey, it is perfectly acceptable."
At his voice, she looked up.
"No, it's not!"
His voice seemed to be the hammer that cracked open the dam, and she began spilling out everything she had been holding in.
"It's not okay! What have I done? What have I done?" she lamented. He saw her look down and freeze at his lightsaber, still strapped to her side.
"Rey—" he stopped short when she began fumbling with the strap.
"Take this damn thing, take it. Just get it off me!" she cried, unstrapping it and chucking it to the ground. Kylo flexed his fingers and called his weapon over to him, clicking it to his side.
Giving up with words, he Force-pulled her closer to him. She didn't seem to notice, for her face was buried in her hands.
"My emotions are manipulating me, Kylo! I'm not stable! Do you want to know what happened to me earlier today?" she cried.
"I know."
"You know?" she asked. "How much?" He saw a look of panic replace her devastated one, but he brushed it off, thinking nonetheless of it.
"Enough. Even if those Stormtroopers had not filed their reports, I still would have known. The connection we share opens wider whenever you are in a vulnerable state. Your anger was easily palpable."
Rey's face crumbled. "I'm a monster."
"Rey, look at me."
Rey brought her bloodshot, tear-filled eyes to Kylo Ren's.
"You are not a monster, Rey," he said, taking both of her hands into his. He felt her lean her body into his, and the feeling was quite pleasant. "That I can guarantee."
"B—but I can't hold on to my emotions, Kylo," she sobbed. "I'll just keep losing control over and over again. I don't want that to happen. Today, in the hallway—I almost lost myself. After I began choking him, I didn't want to stop. And today, on the deck, with the officer and Hux…I got so angry with him at everything he's done to the Resistance, and I wanted to teeter off the cliff. I wanted to kill him."
"And me too, when you woke."
She gasped for breath and took a deep gulp of air.
"The worst part of it all is that you're right," she continued. He tensed at her confession, but she didn't let him go. If anything, she pulled him closer.
"Maker, you're right. Everything you've said about me, it's all true. This darkness you mentioned, it's there. I knew it was there but I had always denied it, telling myself that it was a figure of my imagination if I wasn't busy irrationally justifying it. But now I know…it's in me. It's a part of who I am, and I don't want any more people to be hurt because of it. I don't want to lose control."
"You won't," he said, voice full of reassurance.
"But how do you know? Maker, I need help," she admitted, eliciting a choked laugh.
"Training," he answered. Rey lifted her head and gave him a skeptical look.
"I already said—"
"This is not about your likes or dislikes. Harnessing your emotions is no easy task, and takes mental fortitude along the likes of which you do not have."
Rey narrowed her eyes but let him continue.
"What is important is to understand how to let these emotions take over you and use them to your advantage. That is one of many lessons you will learn under my tutelage—for you to achieve a higher grasp on control."
Rey bit her lip. "I don't know…"
Kylo didn't allow his exasperation to show. "It is acceptable to be this way. You cannot help what you feel. If you could, then you would no longer be your true self. Denying who you are will only remove you further from the path you are destined to walk on. Trust me," he told her.
He could see her thinking.
"No dark side stuff?" she finally asked.
"No dark side stuff," he repeated. Then, feeling snarky, he added, "Unless you desire so."
"Kylo!" Even in her devastated state, the man in front of her could make her laugh.
He found himself smiling too, before growing aware of how they were touching. His eyes flitted to their clasped hands—hers on top of his—and he saw her eyes do the same.
Her fingers twitched, but before either of them could pull away, he was launched into a memory.
"Ben!"
"What is it now, Kira?"
The young girl twirled around and gave a short bark of laughter.
"Look what I can do!"
A boy with messy hair and green eyes standing opposite to her shifted his attention from his lightsaber to Kira's hands. A small insect lay on its back in the palm of her hand, obviously struggling for life as it twitched.
At Kira's countdown, a small glow of green aura surrounded the insect. Ben couldn't see what was going on the in the palm of her hand, for the green light held a translucent hue, but he had seen the other older Padawans practice in front of Luke.
He gazed as the light dimmed, and then gasped when the insect fluttered its tiny wings. It turned its face to Kira and gave her a small buzz and then took off from her hand and flew away.
"Finally, something that I can do better than you!"
Ben felt a tinge of annoyance, but allowed it to fade away at how happy she looked. The girl across from her was much younger than him, and sometimes he had to tell herself that her train of thought was not the same as his.
"Have you told Master Luke yet?"
Kira shook her head. "No, this is the first time I've seen something injured! I don't know why there aren't more bugs around here…"
"Insects are a rarity in this biting weather."
"Biting? Who's biting?"
"Never mind."
Small, slender arms wrapped around his lower waist.
"Now you don't have to protect me anymore. I can protect you!"
"Is that so?" he chuckled, sticking his hand into her dark brown hair and rubbing her scalp. "I don't need protection, Kira. You do."
"I'm smarter than you think, Ben. I can see the other children here are mean to you. You feel left out. But I will always be here!"
She let her grip around him go, and then took his hands into each of her own. He let her without any complaints.
"Come on, I'm hungry. It's time to eat!"
His mind was jerked back to reality at the same time Rey's was. Her touch left his and he let out a whimper so quiet that even he couldn't hear.
"What was that?" he heard her ask. "Was that…was that you?"
Kylo shook his head at the past. Anger was beginning to rise in his chest. "Not tonight."
"But I saw—that boy had the same eyes as you. And you were talking to someone…was that—"
"I said I don't want to talk about it!" he shouted at her. Rey took a step backwards at his unexpected outburst.
"Your training begins tomorrow at dawn. I will arrive to escort you to the training rooms."
"Kylo," Rey whispered. Her voice was filled with caution and disappointment, amongst other things, but beneath all those layers, he detect something else that shook him to the core: sympathy.
He didn't want to discuss it. There was a storm brewing inside him, but seeing her in her vulnerable state, combined with a memory he spent years suppressing unlocked something in him. Suddenly, he felt very tired.
Knowing she was going to hate him for this, he brushed his hand in the air. Rey's eyes widened for a fraction of a second as her brain caught up to what was happening.
He caught her before she fell.