Hello again... so SVUXX just stared and honestly I'm shocked, that abortion thing I just... WTF! But anyway I'm sorry I haven't updated but school is killing me... literally. Here is a new chapter hope you like it!

Weeks had passed since that talk they had. Pam had died and Peter had been distant recently, Olivia knew he was going through a bad moment, but she didn't know what to do, how to help him, make him feel better.

New cases had kept them busy enough to keep them away from each other, and the newest one was a chaos. A kid that had been raped, an abusive father, it was a mess.

On the other side Amanda was acting strangely, she wasn't being herself, and that worried Olivia, she had to ask her. When she did, she was shocked, happy, but shocked. Then the doubt, Amanda not knowing what to do, it brought back memories, bad ones, the demons she had fought so hard to keep inside, locked and captive. "You have to know me" she had told Peter that day, she wanted to tell him the secrets she hadn't told anyone... well now she had, she didn't exactly say it but Amanda wasn't stupid and she knew it.

Peter didn't eve know what was happening. It didn't make sense, he was questioning his existence. He felt so bad after sleeping with two women that weren't Olivia, the woman he loved. He didn't know how to talk with her about anything else that wasn't work related, it was hard for him to even look at her eyes.

Noah pushed her. Olivia loved that boy with her life, she always told him to respect others, to respect her. He didn't say I love you back, he didn't even looked at her. She walked to the the kitchen, her mind was screaming she wanted a glass of wine, just one, it was one of those days, it's always one of those days. Just when she was about to grab a bottle there was a knock at the door. She looked at the clock, it wasn't late but still she wasn't expecting anyone. She went to open the door and when she did he was there, no expression on his face, he just looked at her.

"Peter" Olivia opened the door a little more and signed for him to come in.

"Olivia... I..." he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how he got there in the first place. "I'm sorry I don't even know what I'm doing here..."

"It's ok come inside"

They sat on the couch and looked at each other for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say.

"Liv... I... need to talk to you" Peter was trying so hard to of a way to tell her his mistake.

"If you need to talk about Pam..."

"No" Peter interrupted her "I... Liv I made a mistake... I, Liv I slept with someone else..." he looked at her waiting for a reaction, but there was no emotion on her face.

When Olivia heard those words the only thing she could feel was emptiness. Once again she had trusted someone, she had given her heart to something she knew wasn't going to work. A family she had said, it was a lie, they weren't a family, it was an alternative universe her mind had created. Once again her heart was broken.

"Oh" that was all that came from her mouth. There wasn't a lot to say. There was nothing to say.

"Liv, I'm sorry, I've been trough a lot and I just..."

"It's ok Peter, look you are younger than me, you need to find someone your age, someone who understands you better than I could ever do"

"No Liv it's not that... I, I didn't mean for this to happen. I felt..."

"Peter stop, just let it go, let's just pretend this never happened" the words she had say years ago came back with such power 'this, us, never happened' she made the same mistake she made years ago. She committed to a relationship too early, with someone she shouldn't, and what happened?, nothing happened, maybe she was supposed to be alone.

"I'm sorry Olivia" he stood up and waited for her to say something, but she just offered him a sad smile. When Peter was out of her apartment she finally let go and tears flooded her eyes. She screamed at herself, she shouldn't be crying for him, she doesn't need him. She doesn't. Right?.

She wasn't crying just for him. She was crying for everything, the memories, the mistakes, Noah pushing her, the feeling of getting old. Every emotion of the week came with such power that each sob contained a moment, a memory, and with each memory came regret.

Maybe she wasn't meant to be happy. Even Noah, the only person she thought was always going to be by her side loving her, failed and disrespected her. Maybe happiness wasn't meant for Olivia Benson. Maybe Olivia Benson wasn't meant for happiness.

Okay guys I know it's short but I have a lot going on right now, and I swear I'll fix it. Don't forget to leave a review.