I'm so sick of the desert, you guys. Can we just donate the desert to charity? Please.

Please take a moment to read the author's note this time, I've made an important decision regarding the future of this story.

Warning: minor character death ahead.

Chapter 14. Don't Fear the Reaper.

'Razor's Edge', Kakashi thought, was a terrible name.

It was, however, also painfully accurate.

Their little group had made it a few hours into the pass when the first sandstorm finally hit. Their best option had been to dig themselves a hole into the sand and pray that the thin protective layer Gaara could now muster would be enough to protect them from the rest.

It wouldn't matter for Ebizou, either way.

The old man was dying.

He lay pressed in between Kakashi and Shikamaru, deathly pale and wheezing with every breath. His fever had risen steadily over the past few hours.

It was just a matter of time, now.

Gaara had accepted Kakashi's quiet statement with a stoic nod. Respectful, but not surprised.

Shikamaru had looked wrung out and exhausted.

Ebizou hadn't been surprised either.

Kakashi pressed his shoulder back against the old man's. It was a tight fit, but none of them could really bring themselves to mind the proximity. It was one thing to die out here, in the middle of nowhere – it was another altogether to do so alone, without support.

Funny, the places life took you. Once upon a time, Ebizou would have killed him just for existing. Now, Kakashi could offer him some comfort as he died – just as he had for Ebizou's sister, years ago.

He wondered, not for the first time, what his parents would have thought of what the world had turned into. Was it a better world? Or just a different one?

He still had questions for Ebizou. About the woman he had mentioned. Could it really have been Kakashi's mother? His stomach churned. He knew very little about his mother, aside from the little Sakumo had told him. And even those stories had faded in his memory. His father had died so very long ago. The older Kakashi got, the less he remembered of those seven years they spent together.

The storm was too loud for them to speak.

Well. So be it.

By the time the storm finally passed, Gaara was wilted with exhaustion from holding up the thin wind shield. Even so, they had to keep going to avoid getting caught up in another storm. Kakashi took Ebizou this time, the heavier of their two burdens.

At some point during the track, Ebizou started to hallucinate. He moaned quietly, called out unfamiliar names in a weak voice, and confused Kakashi for an old friend.

At least he didn't confuse him for Sakumo again.

They cleared the pass just before twilight. Once again familiar with the terrain, Gaara led them to a small cave stocked with supplies.

"This is sometimes used as a resting place for patrolling shinobi," Gaara explained. He kept his voice low. There was something oddly reverential about his tone. "We can't stay here for a little while."

Ebizou's eyes had cleared up a little, but he wouldn't last much longer. No one had to ask under what conditions they would leave the cave again.

Kakashi sat down against the wall next to Shikamaru and Ebizou, stretching out his tired legs before him. He raised his eyebrows at Shikamaru. You okay?

Shikamaru nodded. "Leg's feeling better," he said softly.

Ebizou coughed again, drawing their attention, and then hooked weakened old hands around Kakashi's upper arm. "Did you manage it, then? To open the scroll?" He rasped. Already his cheeks seemed sunken in, his eyes glassy. "Ever since I got it… I couldn't help but wonder…"

Gaara turned his face away to give them some semblance of privacy, expression unreadable.

"I haven't yet. I'm sorry," Kakashi said gently.

Ebizou's eyelids fluttered. He let out a sigh. "I see. No, I am sorry. My sister was obsessed with him, you know. I thought I was better at letting go, but perhaps I wasn't." His inflection shifted on every word, his voice losing strength.

Kakashi was silent for a moment, thinking it over. Grudge or not, why would anyone hold onto something that had belonged to their worst enemy for so long? He spoke on a hunch. "You knew, didn't you? That my father had a son."

Ebizou's chin sank to his chest. "He let it slip one day, when I was treating his wounds. I don't think he even realized… And his wife, your mother, she had such strength. I knew even before your father came to us that there was something keeping her strong. Knowing your father had a family, people he loved… That was the first time I thought of him as a human being."

Kakashi had to swallow past the lump in his throat. So his mother had been there, somehow. Ebizou seemed barely aware of where he was what he had or hadn't said, but he was clearly still sitting on a treasure trove of information.

"She was there, then? My mother?" He asked.

"...Yes. I suppose it must have been captured her a month before him. I think she was the reason why he came to us at all. White Fang, in love. Can you imagine?" Ebizou smiled.

"You held her in that prison. My father let you capture him so he could... Free her?"

"I imagine that was his plan, yes."

"But it didn't work," Kakashi said. He heard Shikamaru's small intake of breath.

"No. I'm sorry. We had already executed her."

Kakashi stilled. For a moment, he forgot to breathe. Execution. He had wondered, for so long. His father had never told him and he had never gathered the courage to look at her file. Execution.

His mother, with her gentle smile and the eyes he had inherited, had died alone, a long way from home.

And his father had been just a little bit too late to save her.

Yet another family trait.

He breathed again.

"Sensei," Shikamaru said. He sounded young. Uncertain. His hand was on Kakashi's shoulder, white-knuckled and ready to pull him away. Kakashi barely felt it,

Across from them, Gaara watched Kakashi with dark eyes.

Perhaps Kakashi should have gotten angry. Perhaps he should have raged against these people for taking away his mother. Perhaps he should have reached out and finished what the pneumonia had started.

Perhaps.

But what was the point?

"I always knew it was Suna. I just didn't know how," he finally said, more for their comfort than his own. Shikamaru's grip loosened.

Was it quick, he wanted to ask. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Better to imagine that it had been.

Better to imagine that his father hadn't seen it happen. That he had only found out after it had already been done. That he had wallowed in that prison out of grief, until he remembered he had a son waiting for him at home.

That perhaps, Kakashi's existence had been enough reason for Sakumo to withstand so much pain. That Kakashi had had a family, a family that loved him, once. Something deep within him relaxed for the first time in decades.

He gave Ebizou's hand a light squeeze. His mother's murderer, now. How odd. "You asked me earlier how my father died. Who killed him. The answer is… No one, and everyone," Kakashi said slowly. "He didn't live an easy life, and Konoha blamed him for starting the war. The war that killed your nephew. They treated him so badly that, well… He ended up taking his own life."

Ebizou went very still. His features were frozen. "Oh, oh." Tears came to his eyes. "I had thought… Hearing it would make me feel better. But it does not. Not at all. That is not what I imagined at all."

Kakashi bent his head, uncomfortably aware not only of the lump in his throat but also of Shikamaru's eyes on his back, and Gaara, still unreadable. If he had had the choice, he would've gotten up and walked away then and there just to avoid whatever kind of sympathy or disdain they would show. But Ebizou was dying, and there was no walking away from a dying man.

Ebizou blinked away his tears. "Thank you for telling me. I am glad… I was able to speak with his son on peaceful terms, at least. And… I'm glad to leave the world in hands like yours and Gaara-sama's."

Ebizou turned his head towards Gaara, who gave up the polite fiction of not overhearing their conversation. "You are truly… remarkable. I don't quite understand this new world, but I I think you do. Thank you."

Gaara finally moved, no longer a statue, and bent his head over Ebizou's thin, wrinkled hand in a sign of respect. "Thank you for your dedication. We will not forget you, or your family. You may be sure of it."

Ebizou nodded, once again moved to tears. Then he looked back up at the sky, blinked a few more times, and released his final breath. His hand went limp in Kakashi's grip.

And that was that.

xXx

They buried Ebizou before the cave, so that a patrol could return later to take him home. They didn't talk. Too much history, perhaps.

(His mom –)

Shikamaru didn't look at Kakashi, just stared across the makeshift grave and into the distance, and said, "Not an awful lot went right for you when you were a kid, huh?" He kept his voice quiet so as to give Gaara at least a choice of whether or not he still pretend not to overhear. He didn't sound pitying, just… Pained. And older than he had any right to be.

(She'd been executed.)

Kakashi sighed. "You're not wrong there," he admitted. It wasn't so hard to say. They'd already finished the hardest part.

Shikamaru nodded slowly. "Took me a while to figure it out, though. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve as much as some of the others. I figured you were just…" He shrugged.

"Weird?" Kakashi smiled.

Shikamaru smiled back. "No offense."

"None taken. I can be weird and tortured in equal measure, right?"

"If anyone can, it's you."

They grinned.

"You said 'the others'. I take it you like reading people?" Kakashi asked after a moment. "Figure out what makes them tick?"

"Can't help myself. I know making assumptions is risky, but some people just radiate pain. Like Sasuke," Shikamaru said. "And sometimes, I pick up on more subtle hints, too."

Kakashi leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Great minds think alike, or something along those lines. He had similar habits. "What gave it away? For me, I mean?"

Shikamaru smiled. "Not anything you did. It was more the way the others watched you. Asuma and Kurenai, sometimes even Gai-sensei. Like they were waiting for you to crack," he said. "But you don't, do you?"

(She'd been alone.)

Not often. Certainly not in public. Not since Rin, anyway, when Kakashi hadn't been able to stop crying even when he tried. He smiled faintly at Shikamaru's description of his friends, and their well-intended but often unwanted worry. God, he was a terrible friend.

"People expect me to stay strong, so that's what I do," Kakashi said instead. "I imagine you do the same thing." He turned to meet Shikamaru's eyes at last, and found recognition and something close to humor in the younger man's eyes.

"Well, to borrow a phrase of yours, you're not wrong," Shikamaru said.

Kakashi smiled.

(Exe-)

Gaara joined them, hands folded behind his back. "Kakashi-dono. I would offer a formal apology, but –"

There would be no point. Harsh perhaps, but true. Gaara's predecessor had ordered the execution of Kakashi's mom, yes – but they had been at war. How many Suna shinobi had she taken down before she was captured?

Kakashi's mom had never been an innocent.

(Executed –)

-dono, though. Uncharacteristically formal. Perhaps that said more about Gaara's feelings on the matter than the rest of his words.

Kakashi sighed. For a while, when he was younger, it seemed like lives were inconsequential. Like it didn't matter how many he took, or how, because no one had cared how his people had died either. It took him a long time to remember the value of life, to remember murder is not normal, should never be normal. Sometimes he thought his perspective was still skewed. But if they ever wanted to change the world, it had to start somewhere. No vengeance, no apologies for the actions of our predecessors.

"There is nothing to explain. I'm… Glad to know the truth, at least," he said. He reached for his pocket and pulled out his father's scroll. He turned it around in his hand. "Gave me an idea for how to open this thing, too. But that will have to wait."

He pushed himself up onto his feet. "We should go. We've lost a lot of time."

Gaara stared at him for a moment, and then nodded. "… Yes. But – should you want to see the documents detailing your parents' interment – you need only ask."

Kakashi's jaw clenched. It made the fracture ache. "Thank you," he said softly. And now – push it back down. Forget everything that's just happened. Let it simmer somewhere underneath the surface until there he had the time and space to let it out. Bury his mother all over again, to save himself from having to feel the pain. Push it down. "Shikamaru, are you ready?"

Shikamaru blinked at the sudden change in topic. "Yeah – I'm fine. The wound is clean and starting to close. Just don't jostle me around too much."

"Sure thing, Captain." Kakashi threw him a mock salute.

(His mom – push it down.)

Shikamaru frowned and opened his mouth as if to say something. He closed it again. Good man. Kakashi knelt down and helped the young man onto his back. He didn't want to talk. He wanted – he wanted to fight, to –

(His mom executed – push it down.

Don't feel anything.

Not until he was alone.)

AN.

Me and my cheesy chapter titles. Also, what is it with me killing off old council members? Honestly.

Now, you may have noticed this chapter is uncommonly short. Basically, I've hit a dead-end. I'll be honest, I'm not as convinced as I used to be that I will be able to finish the story. I think I got tangled up in the complexity of the plot and lost sight of what actually motivates me: the characters. I'm not sure if I can 'fix' it enough to regain motivation for the story. In hindsight, I would have done things differently, and by now I can't really think of a way to take the story where I want it to go within a reasonable timeframe. This chapter is basically all I managed to write for it over the past couple of months.

(Please note that was not an invitation for you to tell me what you dislike about the story – which, I might add, is not the same as giving constructive criticism. Yes, this has happened before!)

I'm kind of considering canceling the story and telling you guys what I had planned, to be honest, including the final chapter, which I had actually written out. I want to give you guys a satisfying conclusion but by now it's become a burden more than a joy. I might write a much shorter remix along the lines of Other Ghosts, but I haven't decided yet.

Either way, thank you all for your kindness and patience. I'm a little disappointed the story didn't work out, but at the same time I'm glad I tried!