Okay, let me start by saying I am so sorry this is kind of late.
There are two very important reasons for this. The first is that I was in a play, and we were kind of hitting crunch time (and we only had about a month to throw the whole thing together and an incredible three (count 'em, three) total rehearsals where everyone was actually there. But the performances are done now (as of two days ago) and I'm caught up on sleep (as of today), and I can actually start writing again!
The other is the bane of us all: writers block. Well, not exactly, more like another story not getting out of my head until I'd written a significant portion of it. Finally, fourteen thousand words into a very, very long one shot, I think it's let me go long enough to get caught up on this. Yay!
Just one little note before we begin: the holidays. Harry refers to it as Christmas in the story, as all of the Ghostbusters (as in X-Mas Marks the Spot) celebrate that. I have gone a little bit further into this (because why not?) and had it so the busters celebrate a bit more of a conglomeration of holidays, though they still typically refer to it as Christmas, just for the ease of understanding. In this story, Winston is the big Christmas celebrator. Peter was raised celebrating Christmas, but never much cared for the holidays until very recently and is more into the gifts than anything else. Janine's Jewish and celebrates Hanukkah. Ray's family celebrates the Pagan holidays, so he celebrates Yule. And Egon has Jewish ancestry, but never really celebrated anything in particular growing up. The result is a confusing mix of religions and celebrations that somehow satisfy everyone and involve a lot of odd things. Some of which will be further expanded upon in the next chapter.
One other thing. I did some research, and in 1991, Hanukkah really did start on December 1st, which makes it so the Hogwarts students missed it by the time they got out of school. This is not meant to be a slight on the holiday, it's just a timing thing. I'll probably expound more upon the traditions they get into for it next year... (Though for now I'm worried enough with the Yule stuff, because I did my research, but I was raised on Christmas, so... I'll do my best and please feel free to correct anything I get majorly wrong. Just don't get too mad if I screw up. Sorry.)
And now, on with the chapter!
Chapter Six: In Which There is a Cerberus and Christmas Vacation Begins
"Harry, you know I am your friend, right?" Hermione whispered.
"Yes," Harry agreed.
"And you know I want only the best for you, right?"
"Yes."
"Then please listen when I tell you that this is a very bad idea. About as bad as you've ever had in a long line of-and I love you when I say this-very bad ideas."
There was a pause.
"I should get that on a T-shirt," Harry muttered. (1)
"Harry!"
Hermione was right to be frustrated. Currently the two of them, along with Evie, had slipped out of the Ravenclaw dorm and were sneaking along the third floor corridor, looking, as Harry had put it, "for a very painful death".
"After all," he'd said, "it's really not out of bounds if you're actively looking for a painful death. It's only if you aren't that you shouldn't venture in."
Peter had taught him to be very careful of his words. It was a lesson he'd learned well.
Hermione, on the other hand, had much less experience with contracts. She was much more worried about following the spirit of the law than the letter.
Harry really felt this was her loss.
Evie, as per usual, paid little attention to their argument, focused more on the map she was following and the PKE meter she occasionally checked. Harry wasn't sure what exactly she was checking for.
"Which door was it again?" Harry asked quietly as he walked down the hall.
"That one," Hermione said, pointing. "But I don't think-"
Harry tried the door, the rattling cutting her off. "Locked."
"Oh well," Hermione sighed. "We'll have to give up, then-"
"Nusku Sekkuru Peta," Harry cast, tapping the door. With a click, it unlocked.
"You've memorized that phrase, haven't you," Evie observed flatly.
"I admit nothing," Harry said cheerfully, pushing open the door.
They stood at the door. No one went in. They didn't have to. It was quite clear what lay beyond.
Harry let the door shut on its own.
There was a long pause.
"Did I just see what I think I saw?" Harry asked Evie, unemotionally.
Evie was focused wholly on her PKE meter. "I know I did."
"Papa Ray's gonna be so jealous!" Harry grinned, finally turning away. "He's never seen a real cerberus before! A construct, sure but a real live-" He paused. "It is live, isn't it?"
"Yes," Evie agreed, a twinge of amusement slipping into her voice.
"A real live cerberus!" Harry repeated. "This is so cool!"
"Harry," Hermione said, voice faint, "is there really a cerberus in our school?"
"And it's just on the other side of that door!" Harry agreed.
"Harry," Hermione repeated, "why is there a cerberus in our school?"
"Traditionally, the cerberus is considered a guard dog," Evie lectured. "It shows up most prominently in Greek mythos as a guardian of the underworld. Of course, no living cerberus would actually be able to take up that role, but there is some speculation-"
"Evie?" Harry interrupted. "Don't care. Cerberus. In school. Best day ever."
"No, Harry, Hermione is correct," Evie argued. "We have to ascertain exactly what this cerberus is doing here. And the fact that it's locked up and we were warned away suggests that Dumbledore is well aware of this beast, and means that we can't bust it."
Harry deflated at that. "Not even a little busting?"
"No."
"Damn. That takes all the fun out of it." Harry pushed the door open again to take a better look at the cerberus. "We should come back with a camera later. Papa Ray'll never believe this without a picture… Hey, there's a trap door under its foot!"
"The traditional guardian," Evie reminded calmly, reaching forward to pull the door shut. She pulled a runestone and tapped it against the door, locking it. "We should try and figure out what it's guarding."
"That's no fun," Harry frowned.
"Maybe the library has something?" Hermione offered, getting back into an area she was comfortable with. The three turned from the door and started heading back to their dorm. "We can check tomorrow, but I'm not sure how much-"
"I was thinking more along the lines of going down the trap door and looking," Evie admitted.
"Evie, I love you," Harry declared. "I can't wait."
"Of course, we'll have to figure out how to get past a cerberus, first," Evie mused. "Perhaps Uncle Ray knows something. Or I could check the 'Moreci Bestiary'. (2) I'm sure Hogwarts has some useful literature as well…"
"I'm not going down that hole with you," Hermione declared quickly. "But I'll help search the books."
"Good, because I won't," Harry said firmly.
"Reading is an essential part of being a Ghostbuster," Evie reminded him.
"Yeah?" Harry asked. "Tell Papa Peter that. Besides, I did read those books. I'm just not going to re-read them. Ever."
"Ooh, ickle firsties out of bed?"
The three turned to see a floating man drifting towards them with a big grin on his face. "Peevesy should tell Filch, he should."
"Poltergeist," Evie murmured.
"Ghostbusters," Harry said loudly.
The poltergeist immediately seemed to pale and did a flip in his rush to get away. The three watched him vanish through a wall.
"So, our resident poltergeist?" Harry asked Hermione.
"I haven't seen anyone terrify him like that before," Hermione said, shaking her head.
"What can I say? We're famous," Harry shrugged.
"More like our containment unit is," Evie said dryly. "Though I suppose the Ghostbusters do have a bit of a reputation."
"An awesome one," Harry agreed. He paused as they came to a set of stairs. "Uh, the common room entrance is up, right?"
Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose.
HP/RGB
"So, Hermione, any plans for Christmas?"
Evie and Hermione had not taken no for an answer, meaning Harry had quickly found himself forced into a chair with a heavy book in his hand. This just meant he had to come up with more creative methods of dodging work.
"I'm going home, if that's what you mean," Hermione said, glancing up.
"Your family do anything for Christmas?" Harry asked. "I mean, really, family get together or anything?"
"No, not really," Hermione admitted. She turned a page in her book, "Daemons and Dragons: A Comprehensive Guide to Magical Beasts". "I really just have my parents. They were both only children, and my grandparents passed away several years ago."
Harry lit up. "Then you should come to the Firehouse for Christmas!"
Hermione blinked. "Harry, I don't think we could afford to drop everything and buy plane tickets to America."
"But what if that wasn't an issue?" Harry asked, a gleam creeping into his eye as he started getting excited. (A dangerous sign.) "What if you didn't have to pay for plane tickets or for a hotel?"
"Harry…" Hermione began.
"No, really!" Harry insisted. "Just humor me."
"I suppose I've always wanted to see New York…" Hermione said slowly. "But I don't think-"
Harry whooped. "Great! That's great!" He tossed his book to the side and made a beeline for his dorm. "Evie, where's my phone?!"
Hermione groaned. "...It's going to be Thanksgiving all over again…" (3)
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Not entirely unsurprisingly, a pretty much free trip to New York City to stay with the world famous Ghostbusters was, indeed, something the Grangers were interested in. As it turned out, Hermione's father was a bit of a fan, and was more than a little shocked to receive a call from Peter Venkman inviting him, his wife, and his daughter to New York.
Hermione was also more than a little shocked to receive a letter from her father informing her of this fact.
"Harry! What is this?"
Harry glanced over at the letter she was waving at him. "A piece of paper with words on it?"
"Not that, you prat!" Hermione snapped, hitting his shoulder. "My dad just wrote telling me that we're going to New York over Christmas!"
Harry gave a pathetic jazz hands. "Surprise?"
"Harry!"
"Hermione? You're coming to Christmas, then?" Evie asked, approaching the two.
"Apparently," Hermione grumbled. "You're not even going to be there to protect me from Harry, are you? What are your parents' plans?"
"My parents are currently onboard the ISS," Evie said with a frown. "I will also be spending Christmas with my uncles." (4)
Hermione blinked at that. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Evie, I didn't mean-"
"It's fine," Evie said with a shrug. "They're doing important work. It could be much worse."
"She could be spending Christmas with Great Uncle Cyrus," Harry agreed.
"Great Uncle Cyrus is perfectly nice," Evie shot back.
"He's boring and makes us feed mice," Harry complained.
"And Uncle Egon plays music for his fungii," Evie returned, raising an eyebrow.
"And chases down demons and undead creatures!" Harry retorted. "Like there's even a contest!"
Evie deflated. "...No, not really."
"Who's your Great Uncle Cyrus?" Hermione asked, lost.
"He's our grandfather's brother," Harry explained. "A squib, not that that really makes a difference to the family. He runs Spengler Labs, out in the Mid-West." (5)
"He is brilliant," Evie added quickly. "If a little…"
"Boring?" Harry offered.
"I was going to say prosaic," Evie said flatly.
"Eh. Same thing."
"No it's not."
Hermione looked between the two of them. "So my family is coming out to see your family? And celebrate Christmas with them?"
"Well, to be honest, it's not exactly Christmas we celebrate," Harry mused. "It's a strange conglomeration of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Yule. But there's food and gift giving, so there you go."
"Personally, I'm quite excited," Evie admitted. "I've never been able to attend a Yule celebration before, traditional or not."
"Papa Ray's whole family does it," Harry explained to Hermione. "It's a very neat experience."
She looked intrigued by that before she shook her head, clearing it. "But what about transportation?"
Hermione looked to Evie, who shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure."
"We have it covered, no worries," Harry assured with a grin. "Do we ever have it covered."
"That's it, I'm scared," Hermione declared.
"I love Christmas," Harry sighed happily. "Still need to go shopping, though. What do you think would happen if we got Dumbledore laxative laced chocolates?"
"Very scared," Hermione amended. "I'm very scared."
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Evie had originally been against slipping Dumbledore laced chocolates, even if she didn't like the man. Then he'd tried to insist that Harry should stay at the castle over Christmas "for his own protection".
...Suddenly, laxative laced chocolates seemed like a wonderful idea.
...They may have had to send some anonymously to Snape, as well. Of course, he was already under investigation by an international team sent in to secure the safety of his classroom (due to pressure from the American Magicals) so maybe they didn't need to further torture him…
On the other hand, neither Harry nor Evie liked Snape at all. In fact, they really didn't like him.
But Christmas snuck up on them before they were expecting it. Mid terms were given (and, for the most part, not taken) and then everyone was caught up in a whirl of packing and preparing to head home.
Or, in Hermione's case, to New York.
The train ride back to King's Cross was filled mostly with reading. Even Harry, who had realized he hadn't read one of the texts his dads had assigned him, shut up and buried his nose in a book.
There was an attempted visit from Malfoy, who was still sore about the lost duel, but Evie (who had hit a brief period of boredom) had spent twenty minutes carving new runic clusters on the door, half to drive off any attempted visitors and half to see what would happen. Malfoy had ended up with a burned hand when he tried to open the door.
And the door had ended up as ashes just minutes before arrival. Clearly, wood remained a poor carving medium.
"I really need to figure out how to fix that," Evie mused as she pulled her trunk from the overhead rack.
"Yeah, that would probably be good," Harry agreed, stepping gingerly over the still crackling remains of the door. "You haven't seen the conductor around, have you?"
"No," Hermione frowned.
"Excellent. Let's get out of here before we do."
While Harry certainly had the most experience vacating the site of a disaster, that was not to say Evie and Hermione hadn't picked up a little as well. So the three very quickly hurried themselves off the express, and into the crowds.
"Do you see them?" Harry asked Hermione and Evie.
"No," Hermione frowned, looking around for any sign of her parents. "They can't be-"
"Oh no," Evie interrupted suddenly, voice more amused and resigned than actually worried.
"HAWWY! EVIE! HE-MI-NEE!"
And then all they could see was slime.
"Eyuck!" Harry shouted, desperately wiping the green slime from his face. "Slimer! What have we told you about that?!"
"This is so gross," Hermione groaned, doing her best to clear her vision.
"Towel?" asked a calm voice behind them.
Harry turned immediately, grinning at the sight of his dads, Egon holding out a towel. "Dads!"
"We thought Slimer might get a little excited," Ray admitted as Harry took the towel. He passed another one to Hermione and Evie. "He's been missing you these past couple of days."
"Well, we thought it would be better to send him on ahead than let him ride the train," Harry explained, finishing wiping himself relatively clean. His hair still stuck up wildly. "Plus, we didn't want to take that full trap on the train. Turkey ghosts can be nasty."
"Yeah, we had a couple of those here, too," Peter agreed.
"There really is always a reanimated turkey?" Hermione whispered to Evie.
"I told you," Evie agreed. "Always."
"Hermione!"
Hermione looked up at the cry with a big smile. "Mum! Dad!"
She moved to embrace the two adults approaching. They also carried suitcases, clearly ready for the trip to New York.
"So, you must be the Ghostbusters," Hermione's father said, sticking a hand out to shake. "It's great to finally meet you in person."
"Yes, yes, everyone's happy," Peter agreed. "But come on, we've got a long trip home."
"Peter!" Ray scolded. "Don't mind him, he's always like that. I'm Dr. Ray Stantz. That's Dr. Peter Venkman. This is Dr. Egon Spengler. And over there is Winston Zeddemore."
"Nice to meet you," Winston agreed with a nod. "And, of course, it's hard to miss Slimer." He nodded upwards, to where Slimer was making happy sounds and flying in circles around the group.
"Yes, I can see that," the man agreed. "Well, I'm Dr. Wendell Granger, and this is my wife, Monica. Of course, you seem to know Hermione already…" (6)
"Oh, we've never met," Egon said with a shrug. "But she's a good friend of Harry and Evie's and Harry thought it would be nice to spend the holidays with her."
"And possibly get her a proton pack?" Evie murmured to Harry.
"I admit nothing," Harry whispered back.
"Peter is right that we should get going, though," Ray spoke up. "It is a bit of a long trip and… I think people are starting to stare."
"It's me," Peter sighed dramatically. "What did I tell you? This face just wasn't meant for obscurity."
This brought a round of exasperated head shaking to the other Ghostbusters, even as Winston and Ray helped Harry, Evie, and Hermione with their luggage.
"Er, Dr. Stantz?" Wendell asked as they headed back into the main part of the station.
"Just Ray is fine," Ray said easily. "What is it?"
"Ray, then," Wendell agreed. "You weren't very clear in your messages about how exactly we'd be travelling. I was just curious…"
He trailed off as they exited the building completely. Suddenly, he didn't have anything to say.
"Oh my God," Hermione moaned.
"Oh my God!" Evie exclaimed gleefully.
In front of them, parked like someone would a car (though it took up several spaces) sat a sleek, dark grey jet. Harry had a knowing grin on his face. Evie looked like Christmas had just come early. Hermione looked exasperated.
"We thought we'd take the Ecto-4," Ray said cheerfully. (7)
Evie and Harry exchanged a glance, each already knowing what the other was thinking.
"Shotgun!" they shouted together.
"You don't get to ride shotgun in a jet," Egon said dryly.
"Aw…" Harry groaned.
"No, Harry. It takes two people to fly it well, and you're not trained," Egon reminded firmly.
"You just want to take shotgun for yourself," Harry complained.
Egon raised an eyebrow. "Harry, it's a supersonic jet that we don't get to use nearly as often as we'd like. Of course I do."
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The trip was kind of fun. There wasn't a whole lot of space in the jet, but with the souped up capabilities Egon and Ray had built the engine to perform, the ride was only a couple hours. Most of that time was spent playing cards. Even Slimer joined in, aided by a pair of special gloves to assist in not sliming the cards.
It also, Harry informed the others, prevented Slimer from cheating. Apparently the spud was quite the little card shark, and had a nasty habit of tucking cards up his "sleeves". Of course, as he wasn't sliming all the cards, this made it very difficult to pull off.
"I learned how to cheat at cards from him," Harry reminisced. "He's very good at it. In fact the only reason we caught him was he let his guard down around Janine…"
But playing fairly was still difficult. Both the elder Grangers were surprised to find themselves losing rapidly. (It was a game of poker, using pennies as chips.) Harry had an excellent poker face, Evie (almost unconsciously) counted cards and worked equations on the calculator that sat next to her, and Hermione had learned how to play from Harry and Evie and therefore had figured out how best to respond in most situations.
Winston and Ray had both bowed out a while ago, and Ray had his nose buried in a copy of "Nameless Horrors and What to do About Them" (8) (an out of print book Evie was already eyeing). Winston was enjoying himself watching the game.
In the end, Evie's calculations narrowly beat out Harry's instinctive grasp of the game, just as they were coming in to land.
"That puts me one game ahead," she informed Harry.
"Not for long," Harry told her, determined, as they exited the Ecto-4. Once again, Ray and Winston helped with the bags, Egon and Peter getting off for flying the plane.
It was honestly a surprise that the jet hadn't landed at some airport. The controls of the Ecto-4 were delicate enough to land carefully on the roof of the firehouse. Harry was the only one who seemed completely unphased by it, which made sense if he'd seen it in action before. Even Evie had blinked in surprise, which Hermione had only caught because she knew the other girl so well.
Janine was waiting for them on the roof.
"Mum!" Harry shouted as soon as he caught sight of her, running to embrace her.
Janine ducked slightly to catch him in a hug. "Harry! I missed you!"
"Janine?" Winston asked in surprise. "What are you doing up here?"
"Greeting you," she replied dryly. "And reporting on a rather important phone call I received." She looked back down at Harry. "Your grandmother is coming to New York to celebrate the holidays."
Despite having five parents, Harry really only had one real grandmother and one real grandfather. Janine's family was completely insane (he'd met cousin Victor once and that was quite more than enough for him), Ray's parents had both died when he was a teenager, and Charlie Venkman was kept as far away as possible from any impressionable youths. But Winston's father, despite having his own reservations when it came to both magic and ghostbusting was a pretty cool guy (Winston's mother had long since passed away). Egon's father was… well, strict was an understatement, and Harry really had as little to do with him as he could, but his mother was awesome.
Also, the ultimate helicopter parent, which kind of said a lot about Egon right there, but she was still one of the coolest people Harry had ever met.
Evie was of much the same opinion. And she'd never seen the woman chasing down a possessed Slimer with nothing but a ghost trap. (9)
Yes, Mrs. Spengler was not a woman to be trifled with, one of the strongest women Harry had ever met, and the absolute epitome of everything Harry ever wanted to be (with the possible exception of more ghostbusting and the whole gender difference). You just had to keep her away from the blender.
"Grandma's coming?" Harry repeated excitedly. "Best Christmas ever!"
Egon had a slightly different reaction. "Mom's coming?"
That would be the fear of the helicopter parent coming through again.
"Yes, and it sounds like she's determined to find you a girlfriend," Janine shot back, eyes narrowing. "Speaking of which, I think we need to talk."
Egon swallowed nervously.
"That doesn't sound good," Hermione murmured to Evie.
"I wouldn't worry too much," Evie whispered back. "It's just the standard 'Uncle Egon did something stupid again' talk. They have a lot more of those than you'd think."
"But that's a bad sign, isn't it?" Hermione asked.
"Not really. Aunt Janine knew Uncle Egon for years before they got together. She knew what she was getting into when this started… and somehow, that didn't send her running for the hills."
"...Oh."
"You must be Dr. and Dr. Granger," Janine said suddenly, changing the subject with a smile. "I hope you don't mind we've set you up in Harry's room. Harry with be rooming with the guys, and Evie and Hermione will be on the fold out sofa."
"I'm sure that will be fine," Monica agreed, matching Janine's smile. "You must be Miss Melnitz, then?"
"Janine is fine," Janine said easily, leading them to the roof entrance, Monica coming to walk beside her.
"Then you must call me Monica…"
"Well, that's the women taken care of," Wendell joked, nudging Egon. "Let's just hope they don't start swapping stories, eh?"
Egon blinked. "...I beg your pardon?"
Peter swung an arm over Wendell's shoulder. "Don't worry about Egon. He doesn't really get human emotion."
"Peter, I dislike your attempts to suggest that I'm not fully human, or that I do not comprehend emotions," Egon said calmly. "Shall I remind you just which one of us is currently attached?"
"Egon, do you know what Janine was angry about?" Peter returned, just as calm.
"...No, but I'm sure she'll inform me later."
"And there you go," Peter told Wendell cheerfully.
Evie sidled up by Harry. "Harry? Precisely what was Aunt Janine angry regarding?"
Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes skyward. "Evie, Janine said Egon's mother is looking to get him a girlfriend."
"That does not seem unusual," Evie frowned.
"It implies that she doesn't know that Egon and Janine are together," Harry explained.
"...I understand the implication, but not the problem."
Next to them, Hermione sighed. "Evie, it's considered really rude to not inform your family when you're in a relationship. It implies that the one who didn't is ashamed of their… significant other."
Evie blinked. "...Oh. Someone should probably put that in the book."
Harry nodded sagely. "Someone probably should. I'm surprised no one has yet."
"Book?" Hermione asked. "What book?"
Evie pulled a small but thick, well thumbed book from her pouch and passed it over.
Hermione read the title aloud. "'The Spengler Guide to Dating'? Nineteenth Edition? What the hell?" (10)
"As a general rule, Spenglers aren't so good with romance," Harry explained. "To the point of, it's a fucking miracle they haven't died out. And years ago, one of them went to a friend who studied social interactions and asked him to write a book about it in language that they could understand. It's been updated since, and, well…"
"It's very useful," Evie offered. "At least, as far as I can tell. I know my parents would never have gotten together without it."
"Didn't your father go up to your mother and tell her that she 'distracted him from his work' and that he 'believed that implied a potential romantic attraction'?" Harry asked dryly.
Evie nodded. "She says it's the most romantic thing he's ever said to her."
There was a pause.
"I suddenly understand the need for a manual," Hermione whispered to Harry.
"Oh, it gets worse," Harry remarked dryly. "You haven't heard how our grandparents got together."
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The Grangers settled in pretty well, all things considered. The guys were only there half the time (the other half being out on busts) and Harry frequently went with them ("I'm losing my touch, stuck up at a castle in Scotland!"). Evie joined in occasionally, but spent more time in the lab, reading Egon's notes and blueprints, and taking notes of her own.
Hermione, for her part, spent quite a bit of time with Evie. She was genuinely curious how the packs worked, and Evie was… well not happy, exactly, but certainly not unhappy to show her.
Egon pitched in on occasion as well.
This left Wendell and Monica spending most of their time with Janine, who was happy with the distraction from filing. (Her new magazines hadn't come in yet.)
Or, at least, it did until the end of the first week, when Peter came storming into the garage with a pack strapped to his back.
"Okay!" he yelled loudly. "Who wants to learn to shoot a proton pack?!"
It was actually funny how quickly Wendell made it to the pole. He'd done a good job of acting normally, but he couldn't contain the fanboy inside completely.
Hermione was another floor up, and yet just behind him.
Monica was content to watch.
It was quickly determined that Evie and Harry could use some practice as well, so Peter took the four of them out to one of the two warehouses they owned. The first was where they usually kept Ecto-4 and Ecto-8 (a boat they, again, rarely used) as well as a few other vehicles and other larger things that needed to be stored. The second was where Egon and Ray conducted their more… volatile experiments, and, as such, was the perfect location to learn to shoot a proton pack.
Hermione, who'd been learning to shoot magic around, was able to quickly pick up how to aim, and aim well. Harry would probably always be a better shot, but she was soon matching Evie shot for shot.
Wendell took a bit longer. He hadn't expected the kick-back of the throwers, but soon enough he too was at least hitting the targets Peter had strung up around the warehouse.
"And it's just the four of you that do this?" he asked after an hour of shooting, getting quite tired. "All day?"
"Hey, it's a tough job," Peter said with a shrug. "But someone's got to do it. And Janine occasionally pitches in, though she prefers sitting behind a desk."
"I think I might, too," Wendell admitted. "I thought I heard rumors about a fifth Ghostbuster a while back, though."
Peter frowned thoughtfully. "Uh… Oh! You're probably thinking of Louis. He was our accountant for a while. Didn't last. There was a thing with Janine that didn't end well, and then his nephew getting pulled into a portion of the spirit world was kind of the last straw… He moved out to Florida a few years ago." (11)
"Good riddance," Harry added. "I don't think he ever actually did anything other than sit in the basement and tell us how we were losing money."
Peter grinned. "That's what I said."
Wendell looked between them. "...Really?"
"Not really, they're being asses again," Evie informed him matter-of-factly. "Louis saved their lives on more than one occasion. It's just that he never quite fit in with the others, as I understand it."
"How is it you understand that, but not the concept of telling your parents when you're in a relationship?" Hermione asked incredulously.
"I understand that concept," Evie argued, before pausing a moment. "Well, I do now."
"Yeah, okay, Louis helped. A bit," Peter grumbled. "You want a better account of him, talk to Janine. She liked him, for some godforsaken reason."
"She liked him because he helped around the office," Evie said. "And he liked paperwork."
"And you can pick up on that?" Hermione asked.
"That's not so much picking up as actually knowing," Evie replied. "I asked Janine awhile ago."
Hermione groaned. "You are impossible, you know that?"
Evie blinked at that, then looked down at herself in mild confusion.
"Figure of speech, Spengs," Harry sighed, before taking another shot at a target, hitting it dead center.
"I knew that," Evie said quickly, firing at the same target and hitting just off of Harry's shot.
"Well, it doesn't look like your skills have deteriorated nearly as much as you said," Peter observed with a grin. "Keeping in practice?"
"The only thing we've busted was a troll," Harry complained. "And yeah, it was big, but it was stupid."
"Speaking of magical creatures, you wouldn't happen to know how to tame a cerberus, would you, Uncle Peter?" Evie asked.
"Uh… no, that's really more Ray's area," Peter frowned, eyes narrowing. "Why do you ask?"
"Because there's one guarding a trapdoor at our school and we're curious," Evie reported. "...I think we forgot to tell you in the excitement of the holidays."
"A cerberus?" Wendell demanded. "In a school? Hermione?"
"We only just found out about it," Hermione said quickly.
"Yeah, if we had known about it any sooner, we'd have come raving to you guys," Harry agreed. "Any tips for busting a cerberus?"
Peter scratched his chin. "Watch out for all the heads? I dunno, Ray would know better."
"That's what I said," Evie reminded.
"Fine, fine, we'll ask Papa Ray," Harry agreed. "In the meantime, I bet I can hit more bulls eyes than you."
"Hang on, aren't we going to talk about the fact that there's a cerberus in a school?" Wendell demanded.
Harry, Evie and Peter exchanged glances.
"Well, no, we weren't really planning on it," Peter said slowly. "Why?"
"Because it's dangerous!" Wendell cried. "Someone could get hurt!"
"Well, it's a British magic school," Harry said, as though that explained everything. "They're all really weird."
"Not Britons, but British magicals," Evie clarified.
"Plus, no one's been hurt," Harry added. "So it's probably okay. And we're doing research on how to stop it if something does happen."
"Exactly," Peter agreed. "See? All under control."
"And if it does hurt someone, then it opens the school up to all kinds of lawsuits," Harry added gleefully.
Hermione groan. "Oh my God, Harry, not helping."
HP/RGB
Of course, Ray knew exactly what they were looking for.
"Music soothes the savage beast," he recited sagely.
"Really?" Harry demanded. "That's it?"
"Well, it's not a certain thing," Ray admitted. "Some owners train their cerberus out of it, but most don't bother. It's not exactly well known, but was recorded in ancient legends, when Orpheus ventured to the underworld and was able to turn the Cerberus away with his lute."
"Yes, but that was the Cerberus, not a cerberus," Evie pointed out with a frown.
"What's the difference?" Hermione asked.
"One's a lot more powerful than the other," Harry explained to her. "Probably, at least. We may have cerberus in the magical world, and they're probably offspring of the original Cerberus, but there is a distinct difference."
"Precisely," Ray agreed. "The guardian of the underworld had the tail of a snake, for one."
"It also was claimed to have up to a hundred heads, most of them of snakes, with an undetermined number of dog heads," Evie added. "And the plant aconite first grew from its vomit." (12)
"Why would we need to know that?" Harry complained. "Seriously, why do you know that?"
"Why don't you?" Evie asked.
"My point is," Ray interrupted, "just because the Cerberus and modern cerberus aren't the same thing doesn't mean that they don't share several traits. One of those would be a weakness to music. Most of them will fall asleep almost immediately upon hearing it."
"So…" Harry said slowly, "I don't suppose you'd be willing to help teach me a musical instrument?"
"Sorry, Harry," Ray apologized. "You know I'm completely tone deaf."
"Yeah, and the less said about Papa Peter's musical abilities, the better," Harry agreed. He glanced at Hermione and Evie.
"Don't look at me," Hermione said quickly. "I never learned. It never came up before."
"I have had precisely three piano lessons," Evie said flatly. "I am not particularly talented, and even if I were, I would question the feasibility of transporting a piano or keyboard to Hogwarts' third floor corridor."
"Point," Harry agreed. He thought for a moment. "Say, what do you think about getting a little music player? It wouldn't take much to ward it, would it? Provided you don't accidentally melt it into slag."
"I don't think I'd melt it," Evie argued. "You know, probably."
"We'll need a good CD," Harry mused. "Any suggestions?"
Ray tilted his head. "Well, the psychomagnotheric slime always liked Jackie Williams."
There was a pause.
"I was thinking something a little more relaxing, thanks," Harry said at length. "There's got to be a decent lullaby out there. And we're going Christmas shopping later, so we can find something."
"You know, now that you say that, that's probably a better idea," Ray agreed. "Unless you end up wanting something classical. Egon's got a good collection of records. And a few of rap Shakespeare for some reason we were never able to quite understand." (13)
HP/RGB
Christmas shopping turned more into sightseeing for Hermione. There was a lot to see in New York City, and Harry was happy to keep up a running commentary.
Not that the commentary was anything like she would have gotten from anyone else.
"So, over there's Rockefeller Plaza. My dads once got zapped by the statue of Atlas there. It threw a globe at them and chased them across the skating rink." (14)
"That's Grand Central Station. Papa Peter once got Shanghaied by the ghost of Casey Jones there. The others had to chase after him in the Ecto-1. Ended up all the way out in New Jersey trying to prevent a train crash." (15)
"There's the UN. They don't like the Ghostbusters very much, not since the incident with the possessed flagpoles. There was an explosion involved." (16)
Hermione couldn't keep a small grin off her face as they wandered the streets. Harry really had the most incredible stories, and the sad thing was, they were probably all true.
"We'll have to make sure to see the Statue of Liberty while you're here," Harry added cheerfully. "I can point out exactly which cracks on it we caused."
Hermione laughed at that.
"No, really," Harry repeated cheerfully. "Couple dozen, right here." He raised his foot to tap on the side of it. "It's a funny story, really. Involves an art museum. There's a few scorch marks inside we're responsible for, too." (17)
Hermione shook her head. "You really love New York, don't you?"
Harry shrugged. "It's my home. I grew up here. I know most of the British magicals want me to drop everything and come back to Britain, but I have so many happy memories here. I don't want to leave."
"I don't think I would, either," Hermione agreed. "At least, not if I'd grown up here."
"Yeah, it has its ups and downs," Harry agreed.
Behind them, there was shouting at an intersection. Hermione blinked at the profanity.
"So, we should probably get back on the subway if we want to get back to the Firehouse before people start panicking," Harry continued, checking his watch as he ignored the furious yelling. "I know your parents will be worried if we aren't back within twenty minutes."
"Yes, you're right," Hermione agreed. She cast one last look behind her before Harry started for the nearest subway station.
"I'm just curious," Hermione mused as they headed down the steps. "I thought you said that your family usually celebrated an amalgamation of Christmas, Yule, and Hanukkah. I've seen plenty of Christmas stuff, and I know Ray's been prepping for Yule, but I haven't seen anything for Hanukkah."
"Well, no," Harry agreed. "I'm not surprised you didn't realize. Hanukkah actually started December 1st this year. It ended before we arrived."
"Oh," Hermione realized. "So they already celebrated it?"
"Yes. Nothing big, or anything, but there was a series of celebrations. I'm kind of disappointed I missed it, to be honest. But we should be here next year."
Hermione mused on that as Harry read the train schedules and mapped out the fastest way for them to get home.
HP/RGB
When the Ghostbusters were out working, Monica and Wendell could frequently be found gathered around Janine's desk.
As they were currently.
The conversation had started as a discussion of differences in the magical communities, and had somehow reached the topic of gardening. Looking back, no one was quite sure how that happened.
At about that time, Harry, Hermione, and Evie came sliding down the pole.
"Mum, it's about lunchtime," Harry called. "We're gonna head to the fast food place on the corner, if that's okay."
"That's fine," Janine agreed.
"You guys want anything?" Harry asked.
"My usual," Janine answered with a smile, before looking towards the Grangers.
"Surprise us," Monica decided.
"And get something for Slimer, too, or he'll pout all day," Janine advised.
"Will do," Harry agreed. "See you later." He led the other two out of the Firehouse.
"It's so good to see Hermione with friends," Monica sighed happily. "She always had trouble, growing up."
"Harry, too," Janine admitted. "He was home schooled, so he didn't know many other kids."
"And now they're getting up to the oddest things," Wendell said, shaking his head. "I'm not sure what to think about that, to be honest."
"Just be glad they're not getting into the really weird stuff," Janine advised.
"Really weird?" Wendell asked. "You mean…" He wracked his brain for the current case the guys were out on. "...fighting the ghost of a Japanese Warlord isn't weird?"
Janine shook her head. "Honey, you ain't seen nothing yet."
"But they fight bizarre things on a daily basis," Monica frowned. "How does it get any weirder than that?"
"Oh, I really wish you hadn't said that," Janine sighed. "Because whenever someone says something like that, then-"
She was interrupted by a man sliding down the fire pole. "Oh, Ja-ni-ne!" he practically sang. "I was in the neighborhood, and I just couldn't not stop by and see my favorite secretary…~"
Janine fought the urge to bury her head in her hands. "Oh for Christs sake."
This probably wasn't going to end well.
A/N: I am honestly curious to see who can guess the man and how he got in the upstairs of the firehouse without coming in the front door. I should also say that I was totally not planning to put it in here, but damn if he didn't sneak in anyways. Eh, it's probably funnier this way...
(1) I want that on a t-shirt.
(2) A reference book listed by Ray in the IDW comics.
(3) Yes. Yes it will be.
(4) Evie's parents are a little hands off when it comes to actual parenting. Her father takes after her grandfather. Unfortunately. She... does not have much to say on the subject.
(5) Uncle Cyrus was introduced in the RGB episode "Cry Uncle". He doesn't believe in ghosts and gets Egon to come back to work with him in the labs... and immediately puts his genius nephew with two doctorates to work feeding mice. No, I am not kidding. He then tells him that if he keeps up the good work, he'll be running them through mazes in no time. Egon... is less than excited about the prospect.
(6) I decided to stick with Wendell and Monica for names. Because I guess I never understood why Hermione would bother to change their first names if she was giving them new identities...
(7) In the old NOW RGB comics, the Ecto-4 was a jet and, therefore, the coolest thing ever. It's kind of the Blackbird from X-men, only it can shoot proton streams and belongs to the Ghostbusters, meaning it's even more awesome. It apparently was originally going to be the Ecto-3... but then someone realized there already was an Ecto-3, and there you go.
(8) Reference book named in RGB episode "Loathe thy Neighbor".
(9) As in RGB episode "Ghostworld", where we all learned just how kick-ass Mrs. Spengler is. Unfortunately, we don't have a first name. So I'm sticking with calling her Mrs. Spengler.
(10) This probably only exists in my head cannon. But it would explain so much. Also, let's face it, the family could really use it.
(11) Louis was last seen in the RGB episode "Busters in Toyland", and it doesn't seem off the mark that having his nephew kidnapped like that wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back. No one seems to like him much, with the sole exception of Janine, so Harry's rude remarks don't seem too out of place, if he's picked it up from the others. (Though he probably wouldn't say it to Louis's face.) He did help save the guys on more than one occasion, though. The idea of him moving to Florida in particular is from the IDW comics, where he moved to Ocala, Florida after the events of the second movie.
(12) This is true. I cannot make this stuff up.
(13) In the RGB episode "Three Men and an Egon", Egon goes on about his new tunes: Rap Shakespeare. "To be or not to be; like, that is the question, yo." (Also, as this is Egon quoting it, the whole thing just becomes about ten times funnier.) Then he pulls out his pimple-seeking-rocket-helmet, and all attempts at seriousness just go out the window.
(14) From RGB episode "Janine Melnitz, Ghostbuster".
(15) From RGB episode "The Last Train to Oblivion".
(16) I made this one up. :)
(17) Yes, Harry is referencing the events of Ghostbusters II.
Okay, after the unusually long number of notes, this is done! Finally! Thanks for reading, and please review!
I really do want to see how many people can guess who the guy at the end is. Good luck!
Next Time: The Ghostbusters Deal with Visitors of Many Types.