I woke up to find myself back in my room. Soo-Won was at my side, holding my hand tenderly. I was instantly glad to see him, but that feeling was swiftly replaced by pain as sharp as a knife. I withdrew my hand, but he didn't seem to notice.
"Thank goodness," he was saying in a voice filled with emotion that I now knew was feigned. "I'm so glad you're alright, Lily! You have no idea how worried I was."
Yes, I think I do, I thought wryly, but remained silent.
"If it weren't for the children," he continued, "I don't want to think about what would've happened."
"The children?" I asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
"Yes," he explained, "I had a feeling that something like this might happen, so when we visited them a while ago, I asked them to keep an eye out for you. When you were captured, a couple of the children saw what happened and followed you; then ran back to the palace to get me."
I felt a pang in my heart as I realized that even that precious memory had been calculated. It must have shown in my face because Soo-Won looked at me intently and asked, "Lily, what's wrong? Are you in pain?" His beautiful face was etched with concern, and I couldn't help thinking what a great actor he was.
"I'm fine," I replied icily.
"I see…," he said, but I could tell he wasn't convinced. "But something good did come out of all this," he continued eagerly. "We were able to catch Hiyou, the man who kidnapped you. He's in prison now, so you don't have to worry anymore."
My eyes narrowed. "Well, I'm glad I served my purpose, your majesty," I said, my voice biting with sarcasm.
"Lily…what are you talking about?"
His look of innocence and confusion was enough to push my simmering anger over the edge.
"How could you?" My voice shook with rage. "How could you lie to me about everything?" I practically screamed at him.
His face changed, and I saw an unmistakable expression that confirmed my suspicions. Guilt. So, it's all true then, I thought to myself bitterly.
"Lily, I...," he began.
"You used me," I cut him off. "All along I was nothing more than a pawn in your eyes." I began to speak louder and faster as my words flowed out like a torrent of rage. "That in of itself is awful, but what infuriates me the most is that you told me loved me. You didn't have to do that. So why? Tell me why, Soo-Won!" Tears were streaming down my face, and my voice was hoarse by the time I finished.
"Because I truly do love you," he said softly.
"Liar." I spat the word out, all the while hating my heart for jumping a bit.
"Lily, please…," he looked crushed, but I was determined to never fall for his tricks again.
"Just answer this one question," I interrupted harshly. "Is it true that from the start you intended to use me to find Hiyou?"
I would never admit it, but somewhere deep down inside I hoped that he would deny it. That he would say it was all a lie, and take me in his arms and kiss my fears away. The tension in the room was palpable as I waited for him to speak. Finally, in a voice that was barely audible, he said, "It's true."
Those two small words were the final blow. Like a hammer and chisel, their impact shattered my heart into a million pieces.
"But Lily," he said with an edge of desperation, "if you would just let me explain…!"
"I don't want to hear it," I said in an exhausted voice, feeling completely defeated. "Please just go," my voice trembled with this last word.
Soo-Won hesitated for a moment, but in the end, he stood silently and walked to the door. He turned around and gave me one last, tortured look, but I quickly averted my eyes. After a moment the door closed with a thud of finality, and unable to control myself any longer, I burst into sobs.
Ayura and Tetora, who had been standing in the corner, came over and embraced me tenderly. I wept in their arms for a long time, but at last all my tears were spent, and I wiped my face and turned to Ayura. I knew what I had to do.
"Ayura? Will you please bring a message to Soo-Won for me?"
"Of course, my lady. What shall I tell him?"
I thought for a moment before answering. "Please tell him that I will be leaving the palace tomorrow morning. And…please tell him to take care," I added in a near whisper.
Ayura's face was lined with sadness as she bowed her head, "Very well, my lady."
As soon as she left, Tetora threw her arms around me. "Must you go, Lady Lily?"
I looked into her warm hazel eyes and smiled. She really did remind me of a puppy, so vulnerable and yet unwaveringly loyal at the same time.
"Yes, I'm afraid so," I stroked her hair gently as I spoke. "I can't stay here any longer. But I'll never forget you, Tetora. You've been a very dear friend to me, and for that I will always be grateful."
She began to cry, and I hugged her tightly. At that moment, Ayura opened the door and said that she had delivered my message successfully.
"Also, Lord Soo-Won sent you a message in reply," she continued. "Would you like to hear it?"
Finding that I was unable to speak, I simply nodded, my heart pounding with apprehension.
"He says farewell, and hopes that you will take care as well."
"That's all…?" I asked in disbelief.
She nodded once in affirmation. "Yes, my lady."
"I see," I said slowly, unsure how to feel. "Thank you, Ayura."
After that, I forced myself to stop thinking about Soo-Won and put all my energy into preparing for my journey. Before I knew it, the morning of my departure had arrived. I was at the palace gates saying a tearful goodbye to Ayura and Tetora, when Hak strode up to me.
"So, you're going then." It was more of a statement than a question.
I nodded. "I've already made up my mind, so please don't try to stop me."
"Relax. I just came to give you this." He thrust a heavy canvas bag into my arms. "It's from Soo-Won," he said, as if that explained everything. I opened it, and nearly dropped it once I saw what was inside. It was filled to the brim with gold coins, more than most people would see in a lifetime. I stared at the vast amount, feeling my eyes fill with fresh tears. Even after everything that had happened, Soo-Won had kept his end of the deal. Freedom and compensation, just as he had promised.
"This is too much," I attempted to hand it back to him, "I can't possibly accept all this."
He made no move to take it from me. "It's yours, Lady Lily," he said, still using my old name. "He wants you to have it."
Seeing that he wasn't budging, I said, "Fine. And Hak," I added softly, "it's just Lily now."
He smiled at me strangely, and bowed slightly in response. With that, I hefted my luggage and waved goodbye as I headed down the path to the capital. With each step my heart—and my bags—grew heavier, but I knew that this was for the best. I was finally free to live how I wanted, and thanks to Soo-Won, I had enough money to live comfortably for a long time. Actually, I thought in annoyance as I bent under the weight of the bag that he had given me, I'm fairly certain this money could last me even if I lived a thousand years.
Finally, I could bear it no longer. With a grunt of effort, I tossed my bags on the ground and stretched my aching back. This is ridiculous, I panted in frustration, there's no way I can carry all this! Unsure of what to do next, I looked around and immediately recognized the alleyway that Soo-Won and I had used to visit the children. A brilliant idea struck me, and with renewed vigor I gathered up my bags and started walking again.
The children greeted me with smiles that grew even wider once I showed them the contents of my bag. I thanked them each by name, and handed out the coins until every small, grubby hand held a shining piece of gold. I also gave them the empty bag to use as a blanket. Just watching their happy faces as they danced around the square and showed off their treasures made me feel a bit better.
I wasn't too worried about money anyways. I didn't mind working, and if I really needed to, I could always sell one of the kimonos that Ayura and Tetora had insisted I take.
"Um…miss?" a small girl's voice interrupted my thoughts. "I found this at the bottom of your bag."
She was holding an envelope addressed to me in a loose scrawl that I knew well. Soo-Won's handwriting. My hand shook slightly as I took it from her. I didn't even know what was inside, yet all of the raw emotions from yesterday hit me anew.
"Miss Lily? Are you ok?"
I started, and realized that I had been staring at the letter in a daze. I took in the concerned faces around me, and knew that I had to pull myself together.
"Yes!" I said in a voice that sounded too cheerful even to my own ears. "I'm fine, Yui. Thank you very much."
She looked relieved, and I was awarded with a bright smile as she skipped away. I knew that I couldn't open whatever Soo-Won had given me here, with all of them watching. I said farewell to the children, and eventually found a deserted alleyway. Sitting on an upturned carton, I stared at the envelope as if that would somehow give me the power to see through it. I knew that I should just throw it away and move on with my life, but for some reason I couldn't tear it from my hands. I sat there in indecision for several minutes, unable to open it, yet equally unable to get rid of it.
Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. It's not like I'm ever going to see him again, I reasoned as I ripped it open, so what's the harm? Holding my breath, I pulled out a bundle of folded papers. It was a letter. And a rather long one, at that, I thought to myself as I settled down and began to read.