Harry Gets Real

by Sogo

After being abandoned in New York by the Dursleys, Harry is found by the Ghostbusters. When he turns 11, he's not quite as eager to go to Hogwarts as one might think... But if nothing else, the year will certainly be interesting. Contains some exploration of magicks and magical American politics. Rated for language.

14. Chapter 13

So, sometimes you get writers block. Sometimes you get really bad writers block. And sometimes you get really bad writers block and look back at your stuff and realize, "Holy crap, I haven't updated in over a year!"

And then you feel guilty and immediately try to figure out how to continue the story.

What happened was I went through a lot of changes in my life very rapidly. (Nothing bad. Things just changed.) And then I found a new fandom that I didn't so much jump into as go plunging of the edge of a cliff screaming wildly and loving every minute of it. You know. Like you do.

Despite these troubles, I am committed to this story. And though I still have a terrible bit of writers block, I think I can at least manage to finish up the year. You all deserve that much at least. Expect another chapter in a relatively short period of time.

Sorry again for the wait, and enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Thirteen: In Which Harry Meets the Minister and Goes Through a Trapdoor

"What do you think dragons think about?"

Hermione looked slightly incredulously at Harry. "What?"

"Dragons," Harry repeated. "What do you think they think about?"

The three of them sat in Hagrid's hut, Evie in a chair near the door, writing in a notebook, and Harry and Hermione both cross-legged on the table. Norberta was curled up in front of the fire, and Harry often tossed her small pieces of meat she happily snapped up.

"Is he serious?" Hermione asked Evie. "I think he's serious."

"It's likely, but I wasn't paying attention," Evie admitted, looking up.

"Why, what are you doing?" Hermione questioned. "More work on those equations?"

"No, I have those finished," Evie answered. "I'm working on a very important paper for my daemonology course."

"On?" Hermione asked curiously.

"The leading causes of destruction of powerful daemons," Evie explained. "Current number one is pissing off the Ghostbusters."

"Excellent advice," Harry said sagely. "But that doesn't answer my question."

"Because clearly that's so much more important," Hermione deadpanned.

"Exactly," Harry agreed.

Hermione and Evie exchanged a glance.

"So, dragons," Harry continued. "What do you think they think about?"

"They have no higher brain function," Evie said flatly. "I doubt they consider more than food and sleep and territory."

"Maybe, but that's no fun," Harry complained. "You have no imagination."

"We really need to discuss your need to be the most important person in the room," Hermione commented.

The conversation was cut short when the door of Hagrid's hut opened, letting several people in. The first two were Hagrid and Dumbledore, but Harry didn't recognize the next four. The first was a plump man in lime green robes (why was it that British Wizards seemed completely colorblind?), the second a stern looking woman, the third another woman with a more relaxed demeanor, and the fourth a tall, slightly sinister looking man.

"...Hardly think there's a dragon, here, Dumbledore, if there was…" The man in green drew up short at the sight of the three kids and the small dragon in front of the fireplace.

There was a long pause.

"Hi," Harry greeted.

Next to him, Hermione rested her head in her hands.

"That's a dragon," the man said, looking like he was in shock. "What is a dragon doing not attacking people?"

That, of course, was when Norberta let out a roar and dove across the room at the new visitors.

"No!" Harry shouted, diving for her. "Bad dragon! No attacking people!"

The adults watched in surprise as Harry wrestled Norberta to the floor. Norberta whimpered when Harry pinned her against the rug again, looking like a scolded puppy.

The man in green whimpered.

Evie straightened up. "Yes, there is a dragon here, and you are extremely fortunate that Harry is well trained in how to subdue one. I would suggest no sudden movements."

"Harry?" the man asked. "Not… Harry Potter?"

"Hello!" Harry greeted cheerfully. "This is Norberta!"

"That dragon is attacking Harry Potter!" the man cried, pointing. "We have to take care of it!"

"What?!" Hermione demanded.

"What?!" demanded the stern looking woman next to the man in green.

Evie rolled her eyes skyward. "Enlil."

"I'm afraid that because Mr. Potter is in no immediate danger, killing a Norwegian Ridgeback is considered illegal," the second woman reported. There was only a moment's pause before she added, "Sir."

"Sit," Harry instructed, standing. Norberta remained low on the rug.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling. "This is the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge. With him are the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Amelia Bones, Harriet Ramier, a member of the Department of Protection of Magical Creatures, and Walden Macnair, from the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures."

"Nice to meet you all…?" Harry said slowly, obviously not quite understanding what was happening. Next to him, Hermione shot to her feet, wide eyed.

Evie cleared her throat. "Minister, Director Bones, Ms. Ramier, Mr. Macnair? My name is Evanna Spengler, and I am Harry's adopted cousin. Next to Harry is our close personal friend, Hermione Granger. And, of course, you know Harry Potter."

"And this is Norberta," Harry introduced again. "Hagrid found her in the woods."

Bones had a slight coughing fit, showing just how much she believed that story.

"I fail to understand just why Mr. Macnair is here," Evie added.

"He's here in case things went… downhill," Ramier said easily. "Now, Minister, with your permission, I'd like to remove the dragon? The reserve in Wales is expecting us."

"I knew I was forgetting a reserve," Evie muttered.

"Wales is in Britain?" Harry asked, looking shocked. "Well, you learn something new every day."

The adults all looked at him.

"Hello, American here?" Harry reminded. "Evie, why is everyone looking at me like I'm Slimer at a fancy party?"

"They still consider you British," Evie explained easily. "Also, you're speaking to the head of the government of magical Britain."

"...Ah. That would explain it."

Ramier cleared her throat loudly.

"Yes, yes, Ramier, get the beast out of here," Fudge said, waving a hand dismissively.

Hermione frowned as Ramier stepped forward to catch Norberta firmly around the neck and remove a silver medallion from her pocket. "I'm sorry, do I know you from somewhere?"

Ramier tilted her head, blue eyes studying Hermione. "...Perhaps." Then the portkey in her hand activated, and both she and Norberta vanished.

Hermione continued to frown, trying to recall why the woman looked familiar.

"Minister, forgive my curiosity, but why are you here?" Evie asked. "A dragon hardly seems the sort of problem to require your attention."

"Why, nothing is beneath my attention," Fudge said, a little too quickly, smiling. "I would never presume that-"

"My name was on the letter," Harry reminded.

"Ah. Yes, that would do it," Evie agreed.

Bones held a hand to her mouth to hide a grin.

"Regardless of whether or not someone's name appeared on a letter (and that someone's visible importance to the country), I am here to smooth over any potential difficulties," Fudge continued. "Difficulties which we are lucky seem not to have arisen."

"How fortunate," Evie deadpanned.

"Hagrid, you said that you found the young dragon already hatched in the Forbidden Forest?" Bones asked.

"Er, yeah," Hagrid agreed. "Little tyke was just explorin'."

Harry cleared his throat loudly. "But, hypothetically, we could explore a situation where he didn't find her. All hypothetical, of course."

"...Of course," Bones agreed, picking up on what was going on. "Hypothetically, I'd want to know where the dragon egg had come from, as the black market for dragon eggs is rather costly for the reservations they're stolen from."

"Well, hypothetically, Hagrid may have won it off a stranger he didn't recognize in Hogsmeade," Harry offered.

"Hogshead," Hagrid clarified.

"Hogshead," Harry repeated. "Hypothetically."

"Well, if this hypothetical were a reality, I'd thank you, Mr. Potter," Bones said with a tight smile. "Unfortunately, I have work to do. Minister? Mr. Macnair?"

The look that passed between her and the sinister man was loaded with something Harry couldn't quite identify, but Fudge smiled and nodded genially. With a nod to everyone else, she swept from the hut, no doubt headed for Hogsmeade.

"I suppose, then, we won't be needing Mr. Macnair's particular brand of skills," Evie mused. "Such a shame."

There was something in her tone, too, that made Harry frown, but he couldn't place it either.

"Ah, Macnair, would you give us a moment?" Fudge asked, perhaps picking up on the tone, perhaps just asking for his own reasons.

Macnair grunted but stepped from the hut. Dumbledore shot a look at Hagrid, who followed him, speaking loudly about showing him some of the animals in the area.

Harry was still pretty sure he was missing something going on underneath the surface.

"Mr. Potter," Fudge began, getting closer. "Harry. May I call you Harry?"

"No," Harry frowned.

Fudge faltered for a moment. "Mr. Potter, then. Enjoying your time at Hogwarts?"

"Eh," Harry allowed. He'd probably have said no yesterday, but he had just wrestled a dragon. That was pretty cool.

"Given any thought to what you'll be doing in the future?" Fudge asked cheerfully.

"Uh…" His first reaction was to say that of course he knew what he was going to be doing, he was a Ghostbuster, for God's sake, but he could see something that Fudge couldn't: Evie shaking her head wildly. "Well, I'm not entirely sure. That's a long way away, you know?"

Evie signed something, and Harry found himself very thankful Egon and Ray had thought to teach him sign language. It really was useful, especially when facing ghosts sensitive to noise. And, apparently, dealing with nosy politicians.

"I've been thinking I might do something exciting," Harry continued, glancing to Evie every so often. "Like being an auror. Or a dragon tamer. That dragon was pretty neat, though I don't think I could wrestle a full grown one!"

Fudge laughed at that, as Harry had intended him to. Honestly, though, there was no way Harry would have been able to wrestle a full grown dragon. They were far too big. He was feeling tired just from wrestling Norberta.

"Well, it's good to hear you're enjoying things," Fudge told him. "If you ever need anything-anything at all-don't hesitate to give me a call."

"Sure," Harry agreed, forcing a smile. He hated politics.

"Harry," Evie said, coming to his rescue, "I believe you have a paper to write? We should really get going now that Norberta's gone."

"Right!" Harry agreed quickly. "Great to meet you, Minister, really, but Papa Egon will be disappointed if I don't finish my paper on the history of necromantic rituals-" (Evie stepped heavily on his foot) "Oooow...I mean history of auror tactics! You know, how they've changed over time! Fascinating subject, come on, Hermione, time to go!"

With that, Evie had finished pushing him from the hut, Hermione following close behind.

As soon as the door shut, Hermione couldn't keep herself from snickering. "Necromantic rituals?"

"One, did you see Dumbledore's face?" Harry laughed. "Two, I actually am studying them right now. And the dangerous creatures that can be released by them."

"Oh, yes, let's get another person in the family run out of the country for studying necromancy," Evie said dryly.

"Hey, that would mean that I get to go back to schooling in the states!" Harry cheered. "That's a plus!"

"And you'd lose the Ghostbusting team," Evie reminded.

"Well, you'd probably come back too," Harry pointed out. "And Miskatonic isn't that far from New York. And Hermione would probably follow us."

"I would not!" Hermione denied immediately.

Both Harry and Evie gave her a "look".

"Is it that obvious?" Hermione sighed.

"Just a bit," Harry grinned. "And come on, the worst of the move would be that your parents would have to leave the most dangerous organization on Earth."

"What?!" Hermione demanded.

"You know, the BDA," Harry explained. "Of course, I'm sure with their experience, the ADA would be happy to welcome them with open arms, but they'll probably always be labelled traitors-"

"Harry!" Hermione hissed. "The British Dental Association is not the most dangerous organization in the world!"

"Well, if your parents join the ADA, the secrets they bring with them will no doubt allow them to get a leg up on the BDA," Harry mused. "On the other hand, the BDA has a badass factor that the ADA doesn't. Hm. I'm going to have to think about this. Hermione, how far up in the organization do you think your parents ar-"

He ducked a swing from Hermione and ran for the castle, her in hot pursuit.

"Harry!" Hermione shouted.

Harry responded in the most mature possible way: he broke into song. "Lemming, Lemming! Lemming of the BDA! Lemming, Lemming! Lemming of the BD, Lemming of the BDA-A-A-A-A!"

"The maturity of a five year old," Evie frowned, watching the two. "Sometimes, I swear…" (1)

HP/RGB

"So, what was going on with Macnair?" Harry asked later, as he and Evie hung out in her lab. Hermione was missing, as she was studying for her Charms final the next day.

"What do you mean?" Evie asked. She could be forgiven for not immediately picking up on what was going on, as she was going over the improved horcrux equations. Egon had picked up on her problem almost immediately (apparently he'd had a similar problem when he was first designing the PKE meters) and sent a series of things to fix. She was pretty sure she'd figured it out now, but there were still a few things to tweak.

"You and Whatsherface, the MDP woman-"

"Amelia Bones. And she's an Auror, not a MDP officer." (2)

Harry waved a hand dismissively. "Stupid name. Regardless, you were both looking at Macnair oddly, and so was Dumbledore. What's up with that?"

"He was on Uncle Peter's list of people who were with Voldemort during the first war and got off by pleading imperius curse. Coincidentally, he's banned from visiting a significant group of countries, including the US, along with a number of… former colleagues." Evie turned to look at him. "...We may wish to do something about this if we get a chance."

Harry thought about that a moment. "What did you have in mind?"

"At the moment? Nothing." Evie looked unhappy at the thought. "The ICW would stonewall anything really significant, as Britain practically controls them, and the British Ministry is rotten to the core."

"What government isn't?" Harry shot back.

"Not this bad," Evie clarified. "The point is, legally, we can't do anything at the moment. However, you're the Boy-Who-Lived. That gives you significant political power… after you get old enough to actually use it."

"No…" Harry groaned. "Not politics!"

"You don't have to," Evie admitted. "It's possible just turning your back on Britain would be enough to shake things up. It's why Fudge was so interested in your future. He's fairly desperate to keep you in Britain."

"You're hurting me, Evie," Harry complained. "This is seriously like some sort of kryptonite."

"Meanwhile, the Americans are hoping you do chose to leave Britain so they can hold something over the heads of British politicians and possibly even the rest of Europe, and take the place of world leader," Evie continued, ignoring Harry. "It's likely you'll be getting a lot of interest from a lot of covens this summer, hoping to use your membership to make them stronger in the AMC. It's quite likely that whichever coven you choose will end up controlling most of the magical world. If you do choose to go that route."

Harry was flopped over a table, making gurgling sounds.

"And to think you're going to choose the next leader of the magical world," Evie said dryly. "The maturity you display is astounding."

Harry rolled over, still mock dying, to fall to the floor.

HP/RGB

"I have a brilliant idea!"

Hermione, half asleep after a long day of exams, jerked awake, the book on her chest falling to the floor. "Oh my God, are you bored?"

Harry grinned wildly. "Maybe. A little. Why do you ask?"

"Because that's when you get all of your worst ideas," Hermione said, as though it were obvious. (It really was.)

"You mean my best ideas," Harry countered. "The Forbidden Forest was fun, wasn't it?"

"We really need to discuss your definition of that word," Hermione groaned.

"What, 'forbidden'?" Harry asked.

"That one too," Hermione revised, thinking of their trip to see the cerberus. "But I was thinking of the word 'best'."

"Does that mean you're not coming?" Harry asked, giving her puppy dog eyes.

Hermione squinted at him a moment, mentally calculating the chance of him giving up anytime soon. "Ugh. I'm going to regret this."

"Yay!" Harry cheered, clapping his hands. "Now I just need to find Evie! Take a nap and be ready to go after lights out!"

"Definitely going to regret this," Hermione sighed, reaching down to pick up her book. She was going to take a long nap.

HP/RGB

"Hermione!"

Hermione rolled over, intent on continuing to sleep.

"Hermione!"

Finally, the jabbing at her shoulder woke her enough. She jerked to the side, glaring up at Harry's face. "What?!"

"Time to get up," Harry whispered. "We're going."

Hermione blinked, brain trying to catch up with what was going on. It took her a moment to remember what Harry had said earlier. "...Oh. right." She looked around before realizing something. "Are you in the girl's dorms?" she hissed.

"Yes, and let me tell you, the runic scheme locking them to boys is a beaut," Harry informed her cheerfully. "Very tricky to bypass. But let's get going. We have a mission to go on!"

With a sigh, Hermione did pull herself from the bed, thankful she hadn't undressed earlier. Seeing her dressed, Harry grabbed her hand and practically dragged her from the dorm and down the stairs.

"You have a very powerful grip," Hermione informed him, rubbing her hand gingerly. Evie was sitting in one of the chairs, in a Ghostbusters uniform, looking excited (or, about as excited as Evie ever got). "Where are we going?"

"Forbidden corridor on the third floor," Harry said cheerfully. "We're going to see what's through the trapdoor."

Evie patted the boombox on her lap in agreement, Hermione only just realizing what it was and what its presence signified.

"Okay, we definitely need to address your definition of the word forbidden," Hermione sighed, before a thought occurred to her. "Wait a moment. Why did you come to wake me up? Why didn't you send Evie?"

"Because Evie was holding the boombox," Harry said, as though it were obvious.

"Then why didn't you hold the boombox?" Hermione returned.

"Because I was waking you up," Harry explained. "Come on, Hermione, I know you're tired, but please try to keep up, here."

Hermione shot him a deadpan look.

"Right, to the third floor!" Harry cheered, opening the wall and heading out.

With a sigh, Hermione followed Evie through the wall.

"How did you even get that thing to Hogwarts?" she asked Evie as they walked, looking at the large boombox.

"I put it in my pouch with the rest of my ghostbusting gear," Evie answered.

"And it fit?" Hermione asked, slightly incredulous.

"We keep proton packs, slime blowers, numerous traps, and a variety of rare books in there," Evie pointed out. "Harry even has a flamethrower in his pouch. Is this really the one object you choose to take an issue with?"

"Well, when you put it like that," Hermione sighed. She wasn't even going to ask why Evie was now physically carrying it, instead of removing it when they got to the corridor.

They made the trip to the third floor with little fanfare. Harry hummed a song under his breath the whole way. Hermione managed to keep from strangling him. Somehow.

Reaching the door, Harry again was the one to unlock it, with his memorized Sumerian door opening phrase. Evie shared a glance with Hermione as he did so, Hermione looking like she was failing to hide a grin, Evie just raising a single eyebrow.

And then they saw what was through the door.

"Urbat," Harry cursed.

Inside, the cerberus lay on the ground, fast asleep. In the corner of the room, a harp stood, silent.

"Shit," Evie agreed. She set the boombox just inside the door as the ears of the cerberus began to twitch. She hit the play button, and a gentle lullaby filled the room. The creature quickly settled back down.

"Who do you think it is?" Hermione asked.

"Ten bucks says Squirrel," Harry said sourly. "I was hoping for puzzles and mayhem tonight, not an exorcism."

"I have salt," Evie offered helpfully.

"Yeah, me too," Harry sighed. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped. Let's go do something dangerous."

"Your mum is going to kill you," Hermione commented quietly as they entered the room.

"Oh, I know," Harry said sourly, thinking of the brief but angry lecture he'd received for the horcrux thing. "I was hoping it'd be worth it. This is kind of a let down."

"What part of diving down a potentially dangerous trapdoor is a let down?" Hermione demanded as Harry easily slid the paw of the cerberus from the trapdoor, using kinetic magic.

"You know, you do have a point," Harry admitted thoughtfully. Evie threw the door open, and all three peered into the darkness below.

"...Who's first?" Hermione asked.

"Do you know any kinetic magic to ensure you don't splat on the stone floor several floors below?" Harry asked.

"No," Hermione frowned, not quite processing the meaning behind that statement.

"Then no complaining when I do this," Harry said cheerfully, before dropping through the hole.

"Idiot!" Evie near snarled after him. The cerberus twitched in its sleep.

"What?" Hermione asked, looking up at her in surprise.

Evie held out a runestone, before pouring a small amount of magic into it, causing it to light up with a bright glow, casting strange shadows in the dimly lit room.

"...Oh," Hermione realized.

As Harry yelped below and then cursed, Evie let the stone fall from her hand, dropping through the hole, illuminating the walls below.

Suddenly, the bottom of the hole lit up, before the stone got there, and both could see Harry standing and shooting flames at a vine around him that actually moved from the flame.

"Devil's snare," Evie realized, before Harry yelped again.

"Fuck, Evie, you didn't have to drop your goddamned runestone on my head!"

"Not apologizing!" Evie shouted back, before frowning towards Hermione. "One moment… Nusku suqallulu maqatu." (3)

Before Hermione could puzzle that one out, Evie shoved her down the trapdoor.

"Oh my, God, Evie!" Hermione cried as she fell, before realizing she was falling at a rather sedate pace. That must have been the spell. She was still going to kill Evie for that later.

Hermione hit the ground without too much trouble, to find Harry using his flamethrower to eradicate the last of the Devil's Snare. Next to him, Evie's runestone, still glowing, lay on the ground.

"I take it all back," Harry said cheerfully, as a slightly shell shocked Hermione stared at him. "This is a lot more fun than I thought."

"You know, the light would have driven the plant away," Hermione said dryly. "You didn't need to incinerate it."

"Yes I did," Harry returned, still cheerful.

Evie dropped to the ground next to them, just as lightly as Hermione had. "That would be, I believe, a challenge involving Creatures and a challenge involving Herbology. I posit that there is a challenge for each of the main courses at Hogwarts."

"Only one way to test that hypothesis," Harry pointed out, heading for the only exit to the circular pit they were in, already heading towards it. Evie and Hermione followed, Evie picking her runestone up as she passed it.

"Does Care of Magical Creatures count as a main course?" Hermione wondered.

"It may actually be a substitute for history, as I doubt Binns would be able to create an adequate protection," Evie mused. "He is only a class two repeating shade."

"Point," Harry agreed. "Though from what I understand, with that curriculum, I have no idea how that's even labelled a core class. And with the way Defense apparently jumps around year to year-"

"Not that you care, since you never go-" Hermione broke in.

"I can care about the ignorance of my fellow students without attending the class-" Harry returned.

"Sh!" Evie hissed to the two of them. "Do you hear that?"

Both fell silent, listening.

"Wings," Harry determined after a moment. "Like, insect wings. Any blips?"

Evie checked the PKE meter hanging at her hip. "No. Wait- there's something farther ahead, but nothing in the next room."

Harry nodded, hefting the flamethrower again. If he didn't need to, he wasn't going to swap it out for the proton pack.

Despite his thought pattern, Evie removed and strapped on her own pack. She flicked it on, and, holding her glowing runestone high, followed her cousin down the corridor. The least well armed, Hermione, brought up the rear.

Harry was on guard as they entered the next room, but relaxed as he realized that there were not actually insects… or anything trying to attack them.

"Keys?" Hermione asked. "That's… unusual."

"Not really," Harry and Evie both said together. They had a rather different standard of normality.

Harry crossed the room and tried the far door. "Locked."

Hermione's eyes fell on several older broomsticks lying against the wall. "So, what, are we supposed to fly up and catch the key to the door?"

Evie dug out her runestone allowing her to see the magic in the room. She squinted at the brightness. "I see they've warded against summoning the keys. The door's warded against destructive spells and unlocking charms, and it's been strengthened to prevent someone breaking through physically. But… I believe they've missed something."

Harry stepped back and gave a little mocking bow towards her. "Feel free, then. If it doesn't work, though, I claim the chance to field test the Ecto-6."

Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose. "...You keep that in your pouch, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Harry looked surprised. "Where else would I keep it?"

Hermione looked skyward, deciding it wasn't worth it.

As they spoke, Evie had pulled a knife from her runestone pouch and crossed to the door. She leaned over it with a frown, thinking, before swiftly carving several runes on the door. When it was done, she tapped her chin, considering how best to activate it: she could do it with or without blood, but doing it with blood meant she'd use less magic in the activation, and they weren't sure what was still ahead. Deciding, she pricked the tip of her finger, brushed it across the runes, and activated the cluster.

The door burst into flames.

"Wood remains a poor carving medium," she informed the other two, returning the knife to her pouch. "Does anyone have a bandage?"

Harry pulled a Band Aid from his pocket and proudly offered it.

"Thanks."

Evie unwrapped it, shoving the paper in her pocket and wrapping the bandage around her finger.

Hackles rose again as they crept into the next room, everyone holding tight to their various weapons.

They got three steps in before flames rose around them, revealing that they were standing on a massive chess board.

Hermione was the first to realize: "We have to play our way across the room!"

"Not chess!" Harry groaned. "Why chess? Why did it have to be chess?"

Evie holstered her thrower, eyes lighting up at the sight. "Harry, you're king. Hermione, take the queen position. I'll be a rook."

Hermione took a step towards the queen before faltering. "A what?"

"Castle," Evie amended flatly.

"...Ah."

The three took their spaces. Hermione stood bouncing slightly on the tips of her feet. Evie stood firmly, studying the board and thinking carefully. Harry laid down on his square and took a nap.

Hermione shot an incredulous look at him before deciding to yell at him later, because Evie probably didn't need the distraction. She was studying the other side.

A pawn moved two spaces forward. Hermione swallowed nervously.

"...E7 to E6."

The game began.

To be honest, Hermione was not a chess player. Intellectually, she knew how to play. That didn't mean she was any good at it, or even interested in becoming good. All she knew was that the next ten minutes were the most terrifying of her life so far. Worse than the cookie invasion, even (and that had been pretty terrifying) because she couldn't do anything.

Harry still hadn't moved.

Finally, after a ten minute game, Evie had her remaining knight take the opposing team's king. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately ran to Harry.

And kicked him in the side.

"Harry! What do you think you're doing?!"

"...Napping?" Harry said groggily, waking quickly to roll away from Hermione.

"We were just in a chess game for our lives!" Hermione shouted. "Why on earth would you think it was a good idea to take a nap?!"

"Because Evie put me in the king position because she wasn't planning on moving me," Harry frowned. "Because chess games bore me and she knew I'd probably take a nap."

"What?" Hermione asked, looking towards Evie, approaching at a slower pace.

"That's true," Evie agreed. "I put him in a position unlikely to need to be moved."

"And you could just sleep through that?" Hermione demanded.

"Well, yeah," Harry frowned. "I trusted Evie to get us all through. She's an excellent chess player. Now, if she'd needed to throw a curveball…"

Hermione deflated, anger fleeing. Some part of her wondered at how much trust had to exist between the two for that to be able to happen and neither to be upset at the other. Another part was jealous of that trust. She shoved that part away.

"...Oh."

"So, we're cleared?" Harry asked, pushing himself up.

"Doorway's opened," Evie agreed, nodding at the other side. The chess pieces that had previously blocked the way had moved aside.

"Let's do something fun, then!" Harry cheered, charging ahead.

Evie, shaking her head, followed. Hermione trailed behind.

At the door, Harry froze.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"That smell," Harry answered. "It's troll."

Evie drew her thrower. Hermione fell silent, and moved behind the two people with weapons that would actually hurt it.

Carefully, moving slowly, the edged forward.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief as he caught sight of the troll. "Clear. Troll's unconscious."

It was in the corner of the room, a patch of blood on its head. It snored deeply.

And stank. It stank awfully.

The three moved quickly across the room and through the far door.

The next room, as soon as they got a few steps in, lit up, in much the way the chessboard did. But this time the flames were a thick purple, cutting them off from the door they'd just passed through. On the other side of the room, black flames rose, making it impossible to get to the door.

In the middle of the room sat a low table, with seven bottles sitting on it in a line. A roll of parchment lay next to them.

Evie walked forward with purpose, looking like she was making a beeline for the table… until she walked around it and headed for the far side, focused completely on the flames. "Fascinating."

Hermione watched her, as though she was crazy. She, instead, stepped to the table, Harry next to her, and picked up the parchment. With a frown, she read the message on it.

"Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,

Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,

One among us seven will let you move ahead,

Another will transport the drinker back instead,

Two among our number hold only nettle wine,

Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.

Choose unless you wish to stay here forevermore,

To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:

First, however slyly the poison tries to hide,

You will always find some on nettle wine's left side;

Second, different are those who stand at either end,

But if you would move onwards, neither is your friend;

Third, if you see clearly, all are different size,

But neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;

Fourth, the second left, and second on the right,

Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well," Harry said after the pause. "That's different."

"It's a logic puzzle," Hermione said, eyes flicking between the bottles. "That's brilliant. Most wizards don't have an ounce of logic between them."

"Well, it's not so bad stateside," Harry told her. "But that's a really cool puzzle, nonetheless. It even rhymes!"

"Yes," Evie commented dryly from across the room. "Because that's how to measure the worth of a brain teaser. Whether or not it rhymes."

"No, that's how you measure the worth of the writer," Harry snarked back. He paused, peering at the parchment again. "Who do you think wrote it?"

"Likely Professor Snape," Evie offered.

"This puzzle sucks and so does he," Harry recanted immediately.

"You have such a high opinion of him, don't you," Hermione deadpanned.

"It's probably higher than Evie's," Harry shot back.

"Probably true," Evie agreed.

"Okay, back to the puzzle," Hermione said, shaking her head. "It's clever, but…" Her eyes flicked across the assembled bottles again. "This one." She pointed to the smallest bottle. "This one sends you forwards, and… this one backwards."

Harry picked up the little bottle and swirled it around, holding it up to the light to get a better view. "That's what I thought."

Hermione blinked at him. "Really? Why?"

"It's half empty," Harry explained. "None of the others have been drunken from, and we know someone else has come through already."

"...That's well reasoned," Hermione admitted. "And we haven't come across them yet, so logically, they have to have already been through here and gone on."

"Exactly," Harry agreed. "The only problem is, there's only one dose of potion here."

"That's not good," Hermione frowned.

"No, it's not," Harry agreed.

"Is this where you try and do some self sacrificing thing to go on alone?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Of course not," Harry said, giving her a wide eyed innocent look. "I'd never break the number one cardinal rule of ghostbusting: Never go alone."

"Of course not," Hermione agreed, voice dripping sarcasm.

"Evie, what have you got?" Harry called, ignoring her.

"This," Evie said, from where she had ended up next to the wall near the flames. She drew her knife, and, in one quick motion, slashed it across something Hermione couldn't see. Immediately, the flames vanished.

"Impressive," Harry declared, setting the bottle of potion back on the table.

"A runic cluster," Evie explained, tapping a finger on the wall. "I just disrupted it."

"Makes life easier," Harry decided.

"Also, I have to say that I believe I was correct," Evie added. "We've passed a challenge for Creatures, Herbology, Charms, Transfiguration, Defense, and Potions."

"What was Defense?" Harry frowned.

"I think that was the troll," Hermione mused.

"Then what was Creatures?" Harry asked.

"That was the cerberus," Hermione reminded.

"Right, forgot about the cerberus," Harry agreed. He paused a moment. "...What was Transfiguration?"

"The giant chessboard," Hermione told him.

"Really?" Harry asked, looking surprised. "I would have thought Charms for that."

"No, the animation is something used in Transfiguration," Hermione explained. "So someone can transfigure a non-living creature from something and then animate it."

"That… makes sense," Harry allowed. "So then the keys were Charms?"

"Yes," Hermione sighed.

"Got it." Harry looked towards the far door. "So… That would mean that we've beaten all the challenges. If Evie's hypothesis was correct."

"If," Evie agreed.

"Well, I don't think Creatures is a core class," Hermione frowned. "There could be a challenge for all the classes."

"I'm not sure how they'd weaponize 'Muggle Studies', Harry pointed out. "Or divination, for that matter." He paused. "Though I'd love to see them try." (4)

"I'd love to see the rune challenge," Evie added.

"But didn't we agree that the cerberus might be a History challenge, not a Creatures one?" Harry asked. "That would mean all the core classes."

Hermione considered that. "Okay. I guess that means Evie's right."

"Technically, none of this proves or disproves my hypothesis," Evie frowned. "We've found a correlation, yes, but no proof of causation."

"What?" Harry asked, looking lost.

"We have correlation, but that doesn't equal causation," Evie repeated. "It's a situation most often found in statistics that explains that just because two variables seem to fit together doesn't mean that one causes the other. For example, did you know that in the early elementary years, students have higher or lower grades based on their astrological sign?"

"That can't be true," Hermione frowned. "That's ridiculous."

"It is true, though," Evie said. "The problem with such an example is that at first glance, it appears that the astrological sign determines the student's academic prowess. However, there is a hidden variable-an underlying cause for the correlation: age. Students born earlier naturally learn much better at first, as they are older. However, as they move through the grades, the discrepancy vanishes."

Hermione blinked. "That… actually makes sense. Just… astrological sign? Really?"

"Interesting, isn't it?" Evie asked. "Similarly, did you know that the more firemen that are dispatched to a fire, the more damage is done to the property? Or that the more ice cream is sold in a given time period, the more prevalent drowning is?"

Hermione looked rather aghast at the thought. "But that makes no sense!"

"The more firemen dispatched to a fire, the worse the fire is," Harry sighed. "And ice cream sales and drowning rates both go up in the summer and down in the winter. There are a lot of ridiculous correlations out there… Which is why I hate statistics! Can we please get back to the challenges?" (5)

"Yes, sorry," Hermione said, giving him a smile. "It's just interesting-"

"No it's not."

"-and I do want to hear more about it later," she finished, shooting Harry a scowl at his comment. "Not everyone's allergic to learning."

"Time to go, then," Harry agreed, stepping to the door, holding tight to his flamethrower. Evie once again drew the thrower of her pack, and Hermione clutched her wand.

All three exchanged glances as they took a steeling breath.

And then Harry opened the door.

AN: AND SO WE APPROACH THE CLIMAX OF BOOK ONE. I wonder how actually climatic it will be...

Okay, the actual notes!:

(1) Harry remains the only person with the near super human ability to drive Hermione to attempted murder. This amuses Evie. Most of the time.

(2) Magical Department of Police. The American Auror equivalent.

(3) Invocation, suspend, fall

(4) A Muggle Studies challenge would involve completing an electrical circuit to unlock the door without overloading it with magic. A disproportionate number of British Wizards would fail it. A Divination challenge would involve bullshitting your way through. Though I'm not exactly sure how.

(5) This is all true. It's also why I hate Statistics.

That's all of them for this time. Not a... not a lot of notes. I think I'm out of practice. Eh, if you're confused on anything, feel free to leave it in a review. I'll probably get back to you in a timely manner. Probably. Thanks for reading, either way!

Next time: A shot is missed, and Evie steals a Philosopher's Stone. (Sort of.)