A/N: Hi everyone! I didn't want to keep ya'll waiting too long, so I whipped up the second part to this chapter. More coming soon so R and R please and thank you!... (Did I seriously just rhyme?...Wow...Sad.) Enjoy!
Finding the strength to once again settle into her bed, Helga groaned miserably as she once again threw her head into her wastebasket.
"Criminy…I think I'm going to DIE!" She cried dramatically as she threw a pillow over her head. The doorbell, followed by knocking, once again sounded from downstairs; making Helga ultimately chuck her pillow across the room in frustration as she stumbled out of bed once more.
"Scratch that…I think I'm going to commit murder first, THEN die!" She growled and stomped downstairs, wondering if she should arm herself with her pink punching gloves or some other type of household object that she could effortlessly turn into a weapon to ensure that her so called beloved friends would leave her alone in peace.
Finally deciding that nothing could top Ol' Betsy, her fists balled up as she threw the door open and roared.
"THAT. TEARS. IT! WHAT. IN. THE.-?!" Her outburst was interrupted by a sudden tight embrace and a semi high-pitched voice filled with concern.
"Oh Helga! Look at you!"
Helga's temper slowly started to calm down as she recognized her best friend and the feel of her slightly extended stomach touching hers.
"I heard that you weren't feeling well, but I had no idea of the severity of your condition! You look awful!"
Helga just blinked at the woman.
"Aw Pheebs, come on. It's just a cold that's all. A very rotten, diabolical, cold from hell…But a cold nonetheless."
"Helga! This is far more severe than the nasopharyngitis, rhino pharyngitis, and acute coryza! (Medical term for common cold) Have you even taken the time to observe your appearance?! Your face is flushed, you look like you haven't slept an inch, and no offence, but you reek of regurgitation, and look like you are about to pass out any second!"
At that moment, Helga had to hold on to the door frame to balance herself, trying to once again fight the bile that threatened to make its appearance, and just sighed.
"Helga, please help me understand your reasoning of why you're refusing medical care? We are all very worried about you."
"Yeah. I gathered." Helga deadpanned with a scowl. "Seeing how you bozos just won't leave me the heck alone to recover! It's no wonder this stupid flu is getting worse! I told you, I. Can. Take. Care. Of. Mysel-"
"Could it be that you are…afraid to go?" Phoebe interrupted.
"W-what?! Don't be stupid! What dope would be afraid to go see some dumb doctor?" Helga crossed her arms.
"My question's exactly Helga. I know that you cannot be oblivious to the fact that your condition requires certain attention. Especially...now that I think of it…your symptoms…"
Phoebe put a finger to her chin in deep thought, her eyes widening as realization struck her.
"Helga! You have to go to the doctor!"
"I already said no." Helga stated dryly.
"But Helga! You-"
"Ugh! Look. Phoebe." Helga put a hand to her head, attempting to calm a migraine. "If I choose to pathetically waste my time in some stuffy ER room, will you and every other chucklehead promise to leave me the heck alone, less I pummel you all to your graves once I find out that I'm going to pay over hundreds of bucks on some stupid visit that's going to require me to do nothing but hit the Pharmacy and get some rest?!"
Phoebe, knowing the case was more important than what she was saying, desperately nodded.
"Fine then. Let's go."
"W-what? Really? You mean you'll go?"
"Why not?" She shrugged. "I already promised the Football-Head anyways; but you gotta come with. No way am I going to go through this crud alone…If you don't mind that is." Helga softened.
"Of course! I…Wow…" Phoebe marveled.
"What's your deal Phoebe?" Helga raised an eyebrow.
"I apologize...It's just that...I thought the task of convincing you would prove a lot more difficult..."
"You realize I can still change my mind at any ti-"
"T-that won't be necessary! I'm simply suggesting that perhaps drastic measures of persuasion from our part are not entirely necessary after all..." Phoebe looked nervous all of a sudden as she glanced around the corner.
"Drastic measures? Phoebe what the he-"
"Oh Helga...G-Gomennasai!" She squeaked.
"Sorry? For wha-"
"YEEE-HAAAWW!"
Helga was interrupted by the feel of her arms suddenly latched at her sides, bound by a thick rope.
"WHAT THE FU-?!"
"I got her fellars! Hogtie her down!" Stinky drawled, tightening his lasso. At his cue, Sid and Harold rushed with extra rope and tied the sickly woman where the only thing moving was her mouth...
Along with multiple curse words that would melt soap itself and make the crudest of sailors blush...
"Hang on to her tight now! She's a squirmy rascal!" Stinky advised as he ducked Helga's flailing yet constricted limbs.
"You don't have to tell me twice!" Sid cried, struggling to secure the knot on the rope.
"OW! SHE HEAD BUTTED ME!" Harold whined.
"AND I'M ABOUT TO HEAD FU** YOU UP TO DEATH IF YOU DON'T UNTIE ME RIGHT NOW YOU SORRY TUB OF LARD CURDS!" Helga roared.
"Please go easy on her guys. Helga, please try to understand that this is oh so for your own good. I'm ever so certain that once you see the doctor, you'll feel much better! Just think of this as an ever so guaranteed insurance policy that we'll know for certain that you're going to get the care you need without delay." Lila reasoned, walking up to the scene.
"BY TYING ME UP LIKE SOME SORRY FU***** SNEAKER?!" Helga roared once more.
"Call it a support method?" Lila offered nervously.
"I CALL IT AN INCENTIVE TO KILL ALL OF YOU!"
"Oh Shi-Did you hear that?! She's gonna kill us!" Sid panicked still trying to gain control of his hold on her.
"DA** STRAIGHT POPSICLE NOSE! I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOUR A-"
A sophisticated honk sounded as a long stretch limo pulled up on the scene.
"Oh, wonderful. They got her...Does this mean that I can go now? If I hurry, I might be able to catch my Spring Edition showing in Time Square!" Rhonda smiled.
"The point is to get Helga to the hospital Rhonda. The only thing that got done so far it looks like is the job of pissing her off...badly." Nadine winced at the scene.
"Hmph! Well they better get a move on it then!"
"HEY! WHAT DO YA MEAN US GET A MOVE ON IT! CAN'T SHE RIDE WITH Y-?!" Harold protested.
"OH! Dear heavens NO! I mean really? Don't get me wrong, she's one of my dearest acquaintances, dare I say friend; but the likes of her in MY limo?! Think of what that will do to my image! Even more so, to my plush interior! I really don't think that blood would be a suitable color in which no doubt she looks ready to shed some..." Rhonda winced, taking in Helga's expression.
"WELL WE CAN'T JUST CARRY HER LIKE THIS ALL THE WAY THERE!" Sid, Stinky, and Harold cried in unison.
"Oh! Not to worry, I believe Curly mentioned something about providing the transportation needed to get her to the hospital safely...Though it's oh so strange that he wasn't specific on what kind of car he would be driving." Lila chimed.
All of a sudden, the piercing sound of screeching tires, a revved engine, and various sounds of mooing and neighing, alarmed the gang as a giant horse trailer pulled up to the scene, barely escaping a full on collision with Rhonda's stretch limousine.
"Not to worry everyone! The lady's chariot awaits!" Curly exclaimed while Brainy waved to everyone from the front seat.
Everyone was stunned into silence while Helga's eye started twitching severely once more.
"CURLY?! WHAT. ON. EARTH?!" Rhonda shouted while her eyes widened in horror.
"Think nothing of it dearest ruler of the dynasty of my heart, just contributing to the cause since I heard you guys needed a set of wheels! Plus some cowboys at a rodeo didn't look like they'd be needing their truck anytime soon, leaving these poor creatures all cooped up and detained...So I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and come to their rescue. " Curly smiled.
"SO YOU STOLE A HORSE TRAILER?!" They all chorused.
He scoffed. "Stealing is such a cruel, callous term of a word. I'd rather deem it a classified loan." He cackled as he assisted Harold, Sid, and Stinky.
"You FU***** PSYCOPATH! IF YOU EVEN THINK OF FU***** PUTTING ME IN THAT I. WILL. MOTHER-"
Helga's outrage was shortened by her suddenly being hoisted into the back of the trailer.
"I. AM. GOING. TO. FU-" Helga's violent threats were drowned out by the sound of mooing and the door slamming, securing her capture.
"Well then, that's taken cared of! Let's get a move on shall we gentlemen?" Curly announced in an overly formal tone.
"And just WHAT am I supposed to do when the authorities come barging down my door looking for you?! Because I am telling you right now Thaddeus C. Gammelthorpe, that I REFUSE to use MY company savings on my latest project to bail you out of the slammer AGAIN due to another one of your deranged endeavors! " Rhonda shouted.
"Calm yourself my chic, curvaceous cutie, I practically am the law so what's the worse that could happen?" He smirked, flashing his badge.
"HELLO? YOU'RE A STINKING PET DETECTIVE! THOSE REGULATIONS HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE NORMAL LAWS OF CIVILIZATION, NOR GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO BREAK THEM!" She retorted in an outrage.
"...Well guess I better live in the moment then before I'm screwed! YOLO FOR THE WIN BABY! MUAHAHA!" Curly laughed maniacally as he sped down the road.
"NADINE! remind me AGAIN OF why on EARTH I ever decided to join in matrimony with that- that- psychotic, atrocious freak?!" Rhonda demanded.
"Cause with time you found out that deep inside he wasn't that bad of a guy, but was just majorly misunderstood by society and meant well so you couldn't help yourself...That, and you couldn't get enough of the sex..." Nadine deadpanned then smirked.
"NEVER MIND NADINE!" Rhonda cut her off, clearing her throat uncomfortably. Once all the women joined her in the limousine, she ordered the driver to follow after the speeding horse trailer.
Meanwhile in the horse trailer...
"Man I cannot believe we agreed to this suicide mission!" Sid complained.
"Yeah I'll say! Why do we have to go through this shi-" Harold's stomach growled. "AWW AND I'M STILL SO HUNGRY! WHY NOT GET WOLFGANG OR IGGY TO DEAL WITH THE CRAZY MADAME FORTRESS MOMMY BI-! "
"...Uh...They chickened out..." Brainy wheezed.
"No way! I saw Wolfgang not to long ago get booked for assulting a higly dangerous motorcycle gang, a Crips gang member and a Blood gang member, and some loan shark from a mafia! What the heck is scarier than that?!" Sid demanded.
"...An angry Helga..." He wheezed in reply.
Harold, Sid, and Stinky gulped in unison.
"Oh come now, how mad could she be?" Curly rolled his eyes, focusing on the traffic.
"THEN, I'M GOING TO RIP ALL THE MEAT OFF YOUR BONES, TEAR OUT ALL OF YOUR GENITALS AND GRIND THEM TO DUST TO THE POINT WHERE NOT EVEN THE WORMS WILL WANT TO CRAWL IN YOU FU-"
Brainy quickly shut the peephole he opened in that moment, his complexion turning pale to match the other men as they cowered in horror.
"Oh, just a little hissy fit...No biggie." Curly shrugged. "Helga? Let's use our indoor voices please? You're scaring the cows...MUAHAHA!" Curly called back to her, laughing maniacally once more as he continued to drive.
Helga continued to pour out R rated details of torture and death threats, as well as tried to ignore the horrid stench of the farm animals that only worsened her nausea, hoping in the back of her mind that the craziness would soon be over.
If only she knew that it was just the beginning...