A/N; Oh gosh I am so sorry everyone. It's been ages since I've uploaded. I am so honestly very sorry. Things have been getting really stressful and I couldn't keep up. But not a day went by without me thinking of this fanfic and also two more potential ones I was thinking of uploading, would you all like that? Sorry again for taking so long, enjoy! –HerondaleThoughts xx

Chapter 7

Will had always hated funerals. Since Ella's death he hated them. He hated black, he hated the mourning and the sadness that was everywhere. He hated how his sister cried and how he was powerless in controlling it. He stood there looking at the gravestone. His mother's gravestone, he corrected himself. His mother was gone, she was dead. He hadn't cried yet, he knew he would soon though. Tessa stood next to him the entire time, she had gotten better now, he noticed. He saw her smile more often and she seemed more at ease. She took care of James and helped around the institute but as for Will? He buried himself in his work. He woke at half six each morning and worked until half nine that night, only stopping for dinner or lunch or if Tessa demanded he did. He knew things had switched now, the sadness she had was now his. And he couldn't move it. He felt like stones were weighing him down, every movement was a strain on him and most nights he fell asleep never wanting to wake again. He listened to people speak about his mother, how she was a great person and how she would be missed. He wanted to scream at them that they didn't even know her well enough to say that. He wanted to scream that none of them cared, they were only here because they wanted to mock their lost. He wanted to scream at everyone, but he couldn't. Tessa held onto his hand throughout the entire ceremony. She was buried like a mundane but Will thought she deserved better. His mother always deserved better than that. He felt tears running away from his eyes, he didn't have to speak. He didn't want to. He knew his words would be fake and mean nothing. He knew to really explain how much you missed someone, you shouldn't have to explain yourself like a schoolboy in trouble. He watched them lower her coffin into the ground and stood there looking blankly at it. Underneath there was his mother. Magnus Bane was there as well, claiming that without him Linette and Edmund would never have met so it felt right. James never knew his grandmother, of course Will had told her all about him in his letter, but what could was that? She was dead now.

He felt a spiteful fire raise inside him but allowed Tessa to guide him to their carriage. They had their own carriage, lead by Balious of course. James sat opposite them, he was growing into a fine man now, Will thought. Those liquid sapphire eyes, he never could get over them. He admired them from the moment he was born. Will sat looking blankly out the window. God when had Yorkshire become such a pit? He thought bitterly. Tessa was speaking to him but he didn't actually process what she was saying. Why did she want to talk? Could she not understand he wanted silence? He rubbed his head and buried his head in his hands, his stomach was flipping inside him. He felt vile raising inside his mouth, a dryness forming in his mouth. He noticed he had began to tremble and soon he flung the door open, leaping out of the carriage and throwing up the contents of his stomach. He heard Tessa scream at Cyril to stop before sprinting after him. Her warm arms wrapped around her, they were both on their knees in the mud. The rain was pouring down, streams and rivers in full flow. Will leaned into Tessa's arms before screaming

"SHE'S DEAD!" he clutched onto Tessa who didn't seem to object. She held onto him as tightly as he wanted. His sobs were heart shattering, he couldn't stop them

"She's dead. Why? Why was it her?"

"Will," Tessa soothed. She kissed his forehead and cradled him like he needed. He didn't know how long they stayed there for. He knew he felt a blanket being wrapped around him and someone else guiding him away. He was placed in a bright carriage with glitter on the roof, Magnus. The warlock sat cross legged and looked at Will with a tilted head

"William, when you consulted me a few months ago about Tessa I did as you requested and spoke to her. She explained a lot"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you need to the same treatment. God, Will look at yourself. When was the last time you bathed?" When Jem instructed me too, Will commented mentally but not actually saying it aloud

"You look like death, you do nothing but work, you are upset. I understand that, but please don't bottle it up"

"There is no demon here, Magnus"

"There is! In your mind! A darker demon than you can possibly imagine"

"Who are you to lecture me on how I control my emotions?"

"I am your friend. I know you don't have many, but it was Jem's final request that I take care of you" Will looked at Magnus with little interest. He ran a hand threw his hair and pulled at it

"I don't need help"

"I know. And I don't care. I was polite when Tessa declined, but I'm not being polite with you. You are dying from the inside out"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Will snapped at him. Magnus felt something in his heart break. To hear Will, his blue eyed lover, say that crippled his heart. Magnus rubbed his face

"It is the worst"

"Really? I thought it was for the better"

"And who are you benefitting? Your wife? Your institute? Your son?"

"Don't you bring James into this"

"Then accept my help! Accept you need help, it's hard. I know but please Will, just talk to me, talk to someone"

"I will talk to Jem" Magnus looked at him, his head still slightly tilted, he looked carefully at the Shadowhunter. Depression, a mental illness with physical effects. It was an illness that required attention, it needed to be treated before it spread over his body. They had already seen what happened to Tessa when her depression had gotten to her core, would Will be the same? Magnus scratched his chin and then nodded, putting his hands up

"Alright, I will personally write to them and explain your illness is one I cannot cure"

"I'm not ill"

"Keep reminding yourself that"

"I'm being serious, Magnus"

"And so am I. Depression is not an illness, it's an imbalance of your mind, not an illness" Will nodded and looked out

"We're at the institute"

"Right"

"I'm leaving"

"Ok, but I'm writing for Jem. And if I find you are not talking to him, I will be angry"

"When are you not angry?"

"When I'm with Woolsey" Will sighed and nodded. He exchanged goodbyes and walked up the institute steps wearily. Jessamine stood loyally at the top step, waiting for Will

"You should take his opinion"

"Should I?" Jessamine nodded

"You remember how you were when Tessa was bad? Tessa is like that now. You're making everyone worried Will so please, talk to someone" she bowed before fading away. Will stood there, he wished he could do that. Just fade away, become nothing but shadows, Pulivs et Umbra Sumus, he recited, We are nothing but Dust and Shadows. He wandered aimlessly up the stairs to his room, he longed to be in Tessa's arms. His sweet Tessa. He opened the door and found her there reading, her face was shadowed by the candlelight. He walked over and sat down at her feet, resting his head against her leg. She didn't speak, she just held onto him, kissing the top of his head and reminding him that he was not alone, no matter what he felt, he was not alone in his being alone. Will turned and started to cry but she didn't make a scene, she gently kneeled in front of him and used her tissue to dry away his tears, the gentleness in her touch and voice reassured him. He let her cup his cheek with her hand and he let her hug him. He heard her singing gently, a soft lullaby that lured him away to a sleep. He remembered falling asleep to the sound of the fire crackling and Tessa singing. He didn't remember being moved to his bed or being tucked in. Henry had done that. Henry had come to check on the couple, he found Tessa cradling Will and offered to carry him to their bed. She gladly accepted and said she was going to check on James. Henry had tucked Will in and made sure he was comfortable, he filled him up a glass of water in case he got thirsty when he woke up again. He closed the blinds and put a guard over the fire, Henry had his own children now. He loved them of course, and he was grateful for them. But he had been a father to Will before he had been a father to them. He still needed to care for the wild boy he knew. He had heard the whispers, that Tessa was no longer depressed and instead it was Will. He understood that, he understood that Will felt every emotion like an earthquake. He knew that if Will couldn't control something he blamed himself and that lead to self-loathing. He tucked in Will, making sure he seemed peaceful and sighed. Why was it Will and Tessa who got punished like this? Why? What had they done to make the world hate them so much? He prayed one day they would be happy. Just one day of happiness, and then maybe all the pain they suffered would be worth it.