Another Father's Advice

Chapter 14

Madeline had run to the store when the items from Darcy arrived. Mike unpacked the box and put the pictures in frames he found. He arranged all the items, including three pictures, the ball uniform and a sleeper that Trent had used when he was a baby. Madeline had made a remark that morning that she shouldn't care so much about things, but Mike understood it. He couldn't hold Kaitlyn or Lucas again, but he did have things they both liked and had touched. Those things were special to him. The thing he understood best was losing a child. The sadness it caused, the desolation, the anger and jealousy. Mike remembered being jealous of other dads that he knew that still had their kids before Hannah had turned up and there were times, he still felt it.

He had stayed home with Elizabeth while Madeline, Hannah and Joey had gone to the store and she woke up shortly after he had gotten Trent's things set up. She was less then thrilled with the bottle that Mike offered her, and he texted Madeline that Elizabeth was all but refusing her bottle. Ten minutes later, Madeline and the kids were home. She had been on her way when he texted and settled in Elizabeth's room to nurse her.

"When you get done with that, you might check our room. There's something on the dresser for you." Mike suggested with a smile. Madeline had a suspicious look on her face but concentrated on Elizabeth. She hadn't bothered with a cover-up since the older kids were downstairs.

"Okay. I think these teeth are getting to her. Poor baby girl." Madeline said as she rubbed Elizabeth's cheek. The baby wasn't even latching on well and just looked miserable.

"It felt like she had several coming in and she hates that teething ring." Mike stated.

"The frozen one? Trent and Joey both loved those." Madeline asked. She had repositioned the baby in hopes that she would be more comfortable nursing on the other side. It wasn't working.

"Yeah…you know…I wonder if they still have them…when Kaitlyn was this age, she didn't handle teething well either and Christine found these rings that could be ran under hot water. It was the only thing that she would take." Mike stated.

"I think I've seen those. I've only ever used the cold ones, but I will see if I can order the others. Were they gel?" Madeline asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Want me to take her? She just isn't latching on." Mike asked.

"Yeah. I don't think she got her fill. I may try and give her some food. Maybe she'll take that. I'm planning mashed potatoes for supper tonight. I may mash up a sweet potato for her. Here you go." Madeline said as she handed Elizabeth over and fixed her clothing. Mike cuddled the baby who was making her opinion known. Elizabeth was hating everything. It made Mike worry, knowing that he would be deploying in the next couple days. Madeline had a lot to deal with. Madeline followed him into their bedroom and gasped when she saw the dresser.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted done with that, so I framed the pictures and you can decide what to do with his clothes." Mike stated. Madeline had picked up one of the pictures and was sitting on their bed. Mike laid Elizabeth down and positioned pillows, so she wouldn't roll and then sit down next to Madeline and pulled her into his arms. She put her head on his chest and continued sobbing. Mike kept an eye on Elizabeth and rubbed Madeline's back. It was something he understood. He had definitely had his moments in the last six years and never had anyone to hold him. He could do that for Madeline. Just hold her. They sat like that for a little while and Madeline finally stopped crying. She raised up off his chest and smiled through the tears.

"Sorry about that. I keep doing that to you. Seeing his face…it was surreal." Madeline commented as she stood up and put the picture back on her dresser.

"Maybe I shouldn't have framed them…I just thought…" Mike stammered.

"No, its perfect; don't worry about it. I just don't understand you. You are the most caring person I have ever met but you refuse to admit your feelings. I wish I understood why." Madeline stated as she rubbed his arms.

"I…am afraid, I guess. I loved Christine, Kaitlyn and Lucas and then I lost them. I am afraid to admit that I love you, Joey and Elizabeth because…I am terrified I have some sort of curse on me and I will end up losing you all…and Hannah too." Mike admitted quietly. Madeline had a look of shock on her face but reached up and stroked the side of his face.

"We are not going anywhere. You won't lose me." Madeline told him simply.

"I get that, and I appreciate it but there was a time that I thought the same about Christine." Mike stated.

"And I thought the same about my first husband but that doesn't mean that I am afraid to love again. The adage that it's better to love and lose then to never love at all applies. I know I will never have the love that you had for Christine; she was your wife. You choose her to grow old with. I was chosen to help you with Hannah and to keep her safe. I know somewhere under all that bravado, you do care about me and I have accepted that I will always be the second choice and…" Madeline stopped because Mike had began kissing her. He hated hearing her talk like that even if there was a basis of truth to it. He just didn't know how else to stop it. He finally stopped but kept Madeline close.

"You are so much more then that to me. Christine and I had our problems. The love I have for you is so much different but that doesn't make it less special. And yes, I just said it. I love you. I wanted it to be more special than this, but I need to say it and you need to hear it. Is it the same as what it was with Christine? No, but it is just as strong." Mike told her and then gave her another kiss. Elizabeth was watching the ceiling fan and was entertained.

"Special enough for me. I only wanted you to say it and mean it. Sounded like you did." Madeline said between kisses.

"I did. No doubt." Mike agreed.

"I would love to continue this, but we do need to get downstairs. Tonight, maybe?" Madeline asked.

"Sounds like a good idea." Mike agreed and gave her another kiss. She picked Elizabeth up and they walked down the steps. Hannah and Joey were working on their jigsaw puzzle and Elizabeth was half asleep.

"Mike, why don't you sit down with to get her to sleep. I am going to work on supper." Madeline suggested.

"Sounds good to me. What is supper?" Mike asked as he sat down.

"Beef roast, mashed potatoes, cream corn, rolls and a salad. I also have a recipe for apple dumplings that I want to try." Madeline told him as she helped him settle Elizabeth on his chest.

"Oh, that all sounds good. My favorite." Mike told her.

"I did kind of promise you a home cooked meal. You good?" Madeline asked.

"Perfect." Mike told her as he pulled her down for another kiss. She finally stood back up and walked into the kitchen. Hannah followed her, and Joey looked a bit forlorn. Mike shuffled Elizabeth to his one side and nodded at Joey. "Come on, I have plenty of room up here." Mike told him, and the little boy climbed up next to Mike, being careful not to wake his sister up. The little boy cuddled close to Mike and Mike pulled a lightweight blanket over the three of them.

"I don't wanna take a nap." Joey said between yawns.

"Good luck with that, buddy." Mike told him, knowing that he would be asleep in less then five minutes.

Mike was correct because within just a few minutes, Joey and Elizabeth were both sound asleep. He could hear Madeline and Hannah in the kitchen, talking. He felt like he had gotten a lot off his chest, where Madeline was concerned. It felt natural and easy. It made him worry about deploying even more.