A/N: And so it continues! Special thanks to dvd123 for the insightful reviews, I really appreciate it. Part of me wishes now that TJM came out that I DIDN'T make my own little "What if" version flashbacks in the past chapters as it is now kind of inaccurate with the current events of what actually happened…DANG ME…But, since it can't be helped, I'm going to at least add some elements from the movie in it for the heck of it so…Meh. Anyways, I notice that a lot of you are very close in guessing the mystery of what's going on here, but haven't hit the nail on the head yet. Oh well, plenty of chapters to go!
"One…Two…Three..."
"Criminy, I can't believe I'm actually doing this stupid sh-"
"-Four…Five…Six…" Helga droned as she counted behind her hands, pushing down every possible curse word at her current predicament.
Despite the humiliation at the time, I couldn't help but find my situation rather…humorous. See, In the past, if anyone ever even had the very stupid thought of trying to get Helga G. Pataki to do something for them or with them such as spending quality bonding time, and that said person was not named Arnold and or Phoebe, or any other individual that was deemed "worthy" in my book, that said person would then have been let down and very disappointed within seconds…on top of possibly sporting an injury of some sort for even daring to ask me. And even with my undeniable best love and best friend, I didn't hesitate to give them a hard time for the heck of it; no big deal since that's just the Helga Pataki way.
However, when it came to Halenie Shortman…
Well…Criminy! I don't know if it was that-that stupid mile wide sh** eating grin of hers that wouldn't go away, or if my guilt actually managed to kick my generosity's a** into full gear…or if I was just randomly poisoned or delirious somehow, but whatever the case was, the next thing I knew, I somehow ended up standing, face towards my living room wall, counting stupid numbers, breaking the rule of not looking from behind my hands only to see a small energized, giggling football headed female behind me run back and forth, anxiously trying to find some sort of place for concealment as she awaited me to reach the number "ten" in my counting sequence…
In other words, I, Helga G. Pataki got suckered by a 5-year-old into playing the classic, dumb ol' game of hide-and-seek like a chump.
"Ten. Alright Kiddo, ready or not here I come…Again." Helga deadpanned as she left the wall and started walking around the living room. "You'd better have found a better hiding spot than those poor excuses of places you tried to hide in earlier otherwise this game's gonna' be over again real-"
The sound of poorly stifled laughter made Helga roll her eyes.
"-quick…" She finished and sighed tiredly, following the cheerful sound to its source.
The mother didn't know whether to smirk or face palm as she saw the hallway door to the closet slightly ajar once more, only with a blonde pigtail sticking out from the side. She then casually opened the door wider, ignoring the squeak her daughter made.
"Game over. Again."
"Aww…how'd you find me so fast?" Halenie whined as she walked out of the closet.
Helga rolled her eyes once more. "The same way I found you the other last ten times, DOI! Man you must really suck at this game, huh?" Once the harsh words left her lips, she immediately slapped a hand over her mouth and dared not to look at the little girl's expression.
"Nice going Helga! Way to score points for mommy of the year, you dope!" Helga scolded herself inwardly.
"Yeah…Philie and all the other kids said the same thing." Halenie frowned sadly with her head down.
"Oh great! Now look what you've done, you brute! You made her sad! Fix it!" Helga bit down her lip, trying to swallow a good dose of her pride without choking on it. "W-well…I-I could maybe…y-you know…help you get better at it…if you w-want?" She forced out albeit in a softer tone of voice.
"Really? You mean it?" Halenie gasped excitedly as she clasped her hands together.
Helga just nodded, making the girl hug her once more. "Thank you, thank you! That'd be so great!"
"Wow, it really doesn't take much to get this kid giddy again does it?" Helga wondered silently with a little smile, before patting her on the back briefly, only to push her away right afterwards.
"Alright, alright no need to get mushy about it, yeesh."
"Oops, sowwy Mom." Halenie giggled, not sounding the least bit apologetic.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. First step is to find out the problem of why you suck so much at this game." Helga declared semi-seriously before putting a hand to her chin, taking a moment to examine her daughter as she circled her. "Hmm…Psh, well no wonder. The answer's obvious."
"Really?! W-what is it?!" Halenie's eyes widened and she pulled on her pigtails dramatically. "Why do I suck?!"
Helga felt a snicker escape her, but tried to pass it off as a light scoff. "Well besides the fact that it's actually better to count to 100 instead of 10 as it gives more time for a person to find a decent spot to hide, you always hide in spots you've hidden before like almost every single time which is just stupid since you're practically begging to be caught, and you multiply the chances of getting caught by a thousand by giggling like an idiot all the time instead of keeping your yap shut like you're supposed to do, and finally, last but not least-"
"-Y-yeah?! What else?!" Halenie asked, hanging on to every word of her mother's logical conclusions.
"Well doi! You're a football head!" Helga shrugged.
"Mo-mmy…" Halenie whined at the nickname, giving her mother a half-lidded look of annoyance.
"No, I mean seriously. You're a football head. That's the problem. Your head's so freaking huge and wide that its shape makes it easier for others to spot you thus making you the loser of the game." Helga explained.
"Ooh, I get i-HEY! W-wait a minute!" Halenie nodded grasping on to the information before vigorously shaking her head and putting her hands on her hips in protest. "That can't be wight! Philie's got the same head as me and he does a good job at this game! What's his secwet then?"
"Well, maybe he found bigger and better areas that helped to hide him completely since he knew that he had a giant head that would stick out like a sore, bleeding thumb." Helga replied calmly despite the heavy sarcasm in her voice.
"That…that makes awot of sense…I guess…" Halenie said slowly as if coming to a realization, before her eyes widened with disgust. "WAIT! So it's not a super power?!"
Helga blinked incredulously, wondering if she should elaborate on her daughter's sudden outburst or stay quiet. "Uh, what?"
"Philie told me that his secwet of being so good at hide and seek was because he had a cool super power of hiding and blending himself in the shadows! That liar!" Halenie huffed as she folded her arms.
Helga couldn't stop the chuckles that escaped her lips at that sentence. "He told ya that, huh?"
Hal nodded with a glare and pout.
"Aww the poor loveable, dense little damsel…" Helga thought while smiling lovingly at her daughter until she caught her actions and slapped herself, looking away in confusion.
"What is WITH me today?" She mumbled before smirking. "Still, gotta say, didn't think gullibility was THAT much hereditary…"
"I can't bewieve I fell for that!" Halenie grumbled.
Her mother bent down to pat her shoulder. "Meh, don't be too hard on yourself little Bucko. It's not entirely your fault that you can be a little clueless. Besides, look on the brigh-ER, I MEAN-look at it this way, now that you know what to do, you can actually be good at this game. Heck, maybe even better than your brother; especially since I'm helping ya." Helga said proudly, trying to recover from her earlier slip up.
"Yeah…I can…can't I?" Halenie smiled mischievously at the thought as she rubbed her hands together.
This caught Helga off guard as she her eyes widened at her daughter. "Wow…devious much?"
The mother felt a sense of pride swell in her heart at that before replying. "W-well yeah. So, what say we give it a test run and see how ya do this time?"
"Okay!" Halenie's innocent smile was back in full force before throwing a thumbs up at her mom and waited for her to go back to the wall. "And pwease, no peeking this time, Mommy!"
Helga's eyes widened as she turned to look at Hal. "Wait, how'd you-?! "
"-Philie does it all the time. I can always tell when he's cheating. It's not nice 'cause it's not playing fair or being a square." Halenie said seriously.
"Fair or square…" Helga mentally corrected, before putting her hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, okay! Spare me Ref, ya caught me." She then relented, "No peeking this time. Promise."
Halenie nodded sharply before waiting for her mom to turn back around.
"One…Two…Three…" Helga counted, hearing the pitter patter of her daughter's frilly socked feet run in various directions.
"Ninety-nine…One-hundred." Helga shook her head in disbelief at the actual patience she had to count that far before shouting, "Ready or not, here I come! Let's see what ya got, girly! Don't fail me this time!"
Helga started looking in the obvious places her daughter hid in before only to discover that there was nothing there.
She merely scoffed and mumbled a, "bout time she caught on" under her breath and continued her search.
She then checked in the obvious and closer areas such as the living room, under the sofa, behind the television, and then made her way into the kitchen and dining rooms. She checked various cabinets, storage areas, under the tables, and in the corners, even behind appliances.
There was no one there.
She listened closely for the sound of any give-away giggles only to hear complete silence.
Her monobrow raised as she hummed with amusement at the little girl's progress.
Needless to say, she was impressed.
Helga continued the search upstairs in the bathrooms, hallway, and guest bedroom, looking under every possible spot and crevice her daughter could fit in.
Nothing.
"Ookay…maybe she got a little too good…" Helga scowled, an uneasiness started to fill her stomach, but she pushed it away and continued searching. She went back downstairs and tried to search her backyard. Being that the house was still in the midst of the city, the area wasn't vast. After scanning possibilities, she quickly went back inside.
"Criminy! Where is she?!" Helga thought in frustration. Now anxiety was making its presence known as she rushed back up the stairs after remembering that she didn't check the master bedroom or office. She checked her office and even started looking under unreasonable places to hide out and strained to listen for any possible sounds.
Nothing.
Helga's eyes widened as the feeling of dread hit her at full force.
"WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?!" She gave a quick search in her bedroom as she flung clothes from the closet and drawers, books from the bedside tables and shelf, baskets, hampers, and whatever items that were in her line of sight around the room as if she was vicious tornado.
She had enough of the nonsense.
"HALENIE?! WHERE ARE YOU?!" She shouted impulsively, before trying to put up her nonchalant front once more. "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP! YOU WIN! NOW COME OUT ALREADY, WILL YA?!"
Not waiting for a response, Helga crouched down on her knees and was ready to flip over her king-sized bed when she suddenly felt her back being hugged from behind and finally, a continuous giggling sound.
For some strange reason, it was like a beautiful melody in her ears…
"Did I do good this time, Mommy?" Halenie smiled innocently not noticing her mother's frazzled state.
The little girl was suddenly swept up into a very tight embrace.
"CRIMINY! WHERE THE HECK WERE YOU GIRLY?! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU! WHERE. WERE. YOU?!"
"M-m-mommy?" Halenie blinked, surprised at the unfamiliar attention and concern her mom was displaying, while trying not to suffocate under the pressure of the hug.
"Oohh! My precious little darl-"Helga caught herself and backed away before clearing her throat. "I-I mean well…umm…yeah. And so, as you can see from my completely intended and exaggerated performance just now that…THAT is the kind of reaction you want that defines you as a professional in hide and seek. So…yeah. Good job Kid." Helga concluded smoothly while patting her daughter's head.
"Wow really?! Gee thanks Mommy!" Halenie smiled.
Helga rubbed the back of her head nervously as her heart rate finally came back down to normal levels. "Uh, yeah sure...Um…just f-f-or the record…I gotta know. Where the heck WERE you hiding anyways?"
"Silly Mommy, I was in the cwoset." Halenie pointed behind her towards the empty closet, still smiling.
"Uh, no. No you weren't!" Helga said matter-of-factly. "There's no way you could have been in there. I checked!" She pointed at the disheveled clothes and hangers that were now scattered all over the floor to prove her point.
"But I was Mommy! I was in the secwet part of the cwoset! Here I'll show you!" Halenie proclaimed while taking her mother's hand and dragging her inside before she could protest otherwise.
For some reason, it was like everything suddenly went in slow motion for Helga as the little girl excitedly tugged her to the back of the closet where she pulled on the little chain light switch. A familiar yet long forgotten "whirring" sound made Helga's heart drop into her stomach as the floor panels slid apart and opened up a secret passageway to another part of the closet. Helga remembered it being her most proud, secret renovation feature of the house yet when she first moved in with her husband. Her body robotically continued to move forwards, following her daughter to her secret hiding place, despite her already damaged, traumatized heart begging for her not to otherwise.
"It doesn't smell vewy good down here…at all, but it's okay because it's the best secwet hiding spot ever!"
Halenie's voice seemed to pass right through her mother's ears as Helga suddenly felt like she was walking in front of the line of a firing squad.
She nearly tripped over the "Love" box.
"See! It's wight there under the football statues! Just watch out for the fruit one…that's the one that weally stinks…" Halenie explained while she pinched her nose with her fingers for emphasis.
Helga's eyes glazed over in sorrow as she watched all of her weathered and now eroding fruit, gum, and animal various sized football headed shrines stare lifelessly back at her.
It was an expression they all had in common with her apparently...
Nostalgia's purpose of being a blessing for me as the memories of my sacred, beloved shrines once provided a warmth in my heart, instead, quickly proved to be an icy curse for me in that moment as I then remembered how I used to keep up my little on-the-side hobbies whenever I needed to get the creative juices out that didn't involve writing and needlework. I remembered how I prided myself in even selling little miniature versions to the Green Eyed civilization. I remembered the love and pride I had in tending to updated versions of my heart and hand crafted shrines of my precious soulmate. And most of all, I remember the life that would flood my veins whenever I came into their presences.
But now…
Now all I could feel was the very abrasion that each hand crafted model was suffering through.
Would it lead to termination?
Eventually…
"See mommy! Look! I was wight here all the time!" Halenie exclaimed as she crawled underneath two of Helga's past remodeled football headed shrines, grumbling as she tried swatting away all of the gnats and flies that nested in the areas. Helga watched her silently, trying to fight the ache that pounded away at her insides by looking away, only to freeze completely at the sight of a particular shrine and the cleverly yet poorly constructed waned figure that was beside it…
Flashback to 19 years ago…
"Dang it, Arnoldo, I swear! If you don't stop beating behind the bush and tell me what the heck this is all abou-"
"-Helga! Will you please just calm down? I told you what I have to show you isn't bad. Why are you making such a big deal out of it?" Arnold couldn't help but chuckle a little at his girlfriend's spazzed out state. He knew that the 11 and a half year old was in full-defensive mode.
"YOU ASKED ME WHERE I KEPT MY SHRINE OF YOU!" She exploded before recovering. "I MEAN M-ME?! H-H-HAVE A SHRINE OF YOU?! HA! LIKE I WOULD REALLY WASTE MY TIME AND ENERGY DOING SOMETHING AS PATHETIC AND OUTLANDISH AS CRAFTING HAND MADE, SIGNATURE, MODELS IN YOUR IMAGE! WH-WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK I DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT?!"
"You told me you did. Remember? The FTI rooftop?" Arnold replied, not missing a beat, resisting the urge to smirk.
"…Well-I-I mean- that doesn't-"Helga tried to defend.
"-Aand…" Arnold interrupted her rant, holding up a finger for emphasis. "I saw it…I'm sure you remember that, right?"
Helga scoffed, dropping her charade as she folded her arms. "Well doi! How could I forget…We practically DIED as a result."
Arnold wanted to roll his eyes. "Helga, we did not die…I mean…Okay, so maybe the excitement of the moment at the time kind of got to us a little…" He uncomfortably rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. "…A-and we kind of passed out as a result, but we-"
"-Ah, ah ahp! Correction, YOU passed out from shock at the fact of my statement about 'building shrines to you' being true, while I, DIED of embarrassment when you saw it." Helga stated matter-of-factly.
"If you were dead, then how exactly do you explain being here right now?" It was Arnold's turn to fold his arms, while trying to hold back his amusement at his girlfriend's dramatics.
"What! So miracles happen! I don't question it!" Helga snapped while looking away.
"Helga…" Arnold droned, not amused.
"Oh, don't Helga me you, Dolt! We're getting off topic! I wanna know why you're so curious about the location of my…erm…I mean…where I used to keep...my shrine and I. want. To. Know. Right. Now." Helga demanded pointing her finger to her boyfriend's chest for emphasis on each syllable.
Arnold just smiled. "Of course…right after you answer my question of where you still keep it. Which I know you still do because I saw one the other day in your math book when we crashed into each other in the hallway.
"H-how did you?!" Helga stammered, remembering the moment, before exclaiming unintelligently, "I-I slammed that book shut!"
"Yes, you did…AFTER I got a good glimpse at what was inside…" Arnold snickered.
"B-but I... I mean... but you?!" Helga stuttered as she failed to rebut his statement. Blushing in embarrassment, she glared at the amused smirk that formed across his lips. "Why you, you stupid little nosy no good yellow haired shrimp! I oughta-!
"-Helga! The location please? I just want to know if you still keep a shrine of me in your closet or not." Arnold cut her off promptly.
After a moment if silence, Helga conceded with a sigh and muttered, "Yes Hair boy, I still keep it in the back of my closet..."
Arnold's smile grew wider before going sheepish. "Good! I- I mean... I was hoping that was the case since that means...I put it in the right spot after all..." He rubbed his neck nervously once more.
Helga blinked and gave a look of confusion. "Put what Arnoldo?"
Arnold took his girlfriend's hand as he opened her closet door and led her inside towards the back. "Your surprise."
"Helga let herself be dragged but scowled with impatience. "What surpri-" Her stubborn question was suddenly stiffled behind her loud gasp as she stood frozen in front of her shrine... and the medium sized doll that was positioned snuggly next to it.
It was a poorly constructed yet purely inspirational stuffed plush doll that had blue buttons for eyes, yellow colored yarn for hair and wore silky pink fabric for a dress and was styled in a bow at the top of its head.
"I- I know it's not much...and it's not the best craftsmanship in the world but well... remember how I was telling you my parents' humanitarian work group was doing this event where less fortunate little girls could make their own dolls and how my mom kind of dragged me along for the ride? Well in the middle of assisting her with the little kids, I felt kind of inspired and couldn't help myself but to do my own...umm...little project..." Arnold explained sheepishly, not wanting to fully admit that he made his own little "doll" and what it looked like specifically. "A-and the next thing I knew was one thing led to another and I ended up making this little umm mini you...So yeah..." He was completely red in the face now as his girlfriend continued to remain frozen and wide eyed at the doll that looked oddly like her.
"I umm...I guess I can kind of understand why your shri-creations mean so much to you, Helga. Believe it or not I kind of really took a liking to the little project and found myself... attached to it for a few... weeks or so. And it made me think of how you must have felt around your shrines and how they reminded you of me since my little project really made me think of you. But even though it was nice for... expression purposes..."
Arnold's face grew even redder as he refused to tell his girlfriend of how he found himself talking to and even cuddling the "Helga" doll at night.
He cleared his throat continuing, "Well the truth is, it's nowhere near as great as having the real thing. So, I thought that it would most likely be better off with you instead, or rather, with your shrine of me actually, since we're actually together now a-and have each other now and not just things that look like us, but now your shrine doesn't have to be lonely anymore either...So...yeah."
Helga started trembling as emotions overwhelmed her. She reached out a shaky finger to touch the pink ribbon on top of the doll's head, still wide-eyed and awe stricken from what her boyfriend just said.
Arnold blinked, still blushing. "Helga? Are you oka-"
"-A-are are Y-you telling me that you actually m-m-made this d-doll constructed in my im-image and actually ad-m-m-mired it in the thought of me?!" Helga stuttered, her question ending in a high-pitched squeak.
"...I-I guess you can say that...Umm...do-do you like it?" Arnold asked quietly, still flustered.
"Do I like it?" She repeated incredulously before almost shouting in elation. "DO I LIKE IT?! I-I"
The number of intimate monologues, sonets, and inspirational ideas of poems that suddenly threatened to make itself known in that moment were staggering and were filling her to the brim. Overwhelmed by everything, Helga finally settled on grabbing her boyfriend by the collar of his shirt, glaring at him passionately as her hands still shook. "I-Im going to pass out now...And you are to remain solely here in this closet until I regain consciousness in which afterwards, you are not to leave until I thoroughly and completely express to you, how much I 'like' your little gift, ya got that Bucko?!"
Arnold blinked in surprise at her sudden aggressiveness and blushed even deeper once he figured out what she meant and what was in store for him. "W-wh-whatever you say Hel-"
THUD
"-ga?!" Arnold finished as he jumped slightly at the sight if his girlfriend fainting flat on her back on the hard textured floor. Feeling slightly guilty that he didn't take her warning seriously as he failed to cushion her fall, he couldn't help but chuckle softly as he bent down and kissed his girlfriend's now most likely bruised head while smiling at her lovingly.
"Whatever you say..."
End Flashback.
The sight of the now weathered stuffed fabric doll made Helga wince; a terrible feeling wrenched mercilessly at her heart.
A joyful gasp broke her out of her painful stupor.
"Look Mommy! A dolly! Can I have it?!" Halenie's eyes lit up at the doll as she reached for it. Before she could fully embrace it in her arms, however, her mother immediately snatched it out if the girl's hands.
"NO! DONT YOU DARE TOUCH IT!" Helga snapped vehemently, clutching it in her arms before throwing it to the ground as if it suddenly burned her. She saw her daughter's eyes watering at her gesture and tried to recover her mistake. "Umm b-because there-there m-might be a spider on there that will bite you! Yeah! Because it's so old and... stuff."
Halenie blinked before raising an eyebrow "So?"
"What do you mean, so?" Helga's eyes narrowed at her.
"It's not that biggie deal. Auntie Nadine loves spiders! Maybe we can give it to her as an early Chwismas present!" Halenie smiled obliviously.
Helga finally face palmed and shook her head. "No. Just no."
Halenie was about to protest but then looked around at the shrines and tapped her mother's leg. "Hey Momma, I got question."
"What is it now?" Helga mumbled, her face still behind her hand.
"These statues... what are they?" Halenie asked innocently.
"W-what?" Helga looked down at her, caught off guard by her daughters question.
"What are these weird, smelly statues? I know they're yours cause it's in your cwoset, but what are they pictures of?" She asked.
Helga's chapped lips trembled. "They... they're...it's nothing. Just nothing."
"But Mommy!" Halenie whined. Helga cut her off promptly with a clap of her hands, not wanting to argue. "OKAY well, this stupid game's gotten real old, real quick, what say we blow this smelly popsicle stand and do somethin' else that's fun, mmkay Kiddo? Great! Let's go." Not waiting on her response, Helga grabbed her daughter's hand and practically jerked her towards the exit of the closet, doing her best not to look over her own shoulder at the objects that served as treasured memories but were now like weapons that aimed to tear her heart into shreds...
To be continued.