Word count: 3,826

Chapter 9

Ignore, Ignore, Ignore

It had taken some courage for Remus to make the trip down to Hagrid's hut. He wasn't sure what to expect from the man. Over the years, his interactions with Hagrid had been minimal, and though he seemed like a friendly man, Remus felt strange being in his home when he hardly knew him.

"I wondered if yeh'd come to visit," Hagrid said as he placed a cup of tea and a bowl of sugar in front of Remus. "Mind you, I'd have understood if yeh hadn't ."

Remus' stomach twisted at the idea of not following through on his word and leaving Hagrid wondering why. He took a sip of his tea, hoping it would calm his nerves. What had him so worked up was a mystery to him, but he suspected it had something to do with knowing he and Hagrid had things in common that he didn't share with anyone else he knew. He was sitting across from one of the only people who could have offered him actual advice, but he was too embarrassed to ask for it.

"How're things?" Hagrid asked, raising his own mug of tea in Remus' direction. "I've heard dreadful things 'bout seventh year. Students are always complainin'."

"Terrible," Remus admitted. "McGonagall expects me to make a decision about a career, but what am I supposed to do? No one wants to hire a werewolf."

He surprised himself by declaring what he was so brazenly, but Hagrid didn't flinch like most people—even his best friends, in the beginning—would have at the reminder. He merely smiled sympathetically and shook his head.

"The world is full o' fools," he said gently. "Everyone's always gettin' up in arms 'bout all the wrong things."

"You're not going to tell me that I'll magically wind up with a job?" Remus asked defensively.

"Afraid not. Wish I could make it true though. I've heard nothin' but great things about yeh from yer teachers. McGonagall's particularly fond o' yeh, but I'm sure yeh recognize that."

He hadn't until she'd revealed how determined she was to get him a job. Before that, he'd always assumed he caused her more headaches than anything else, even if those headaches were mostly Sirius' and James' fault.

"I was in the same boat, yeh know?" Hagrid said, staring down at his tea and tapping at the handle. "Not sure how much yeh know abou' this. I don' go spreadin' it around, but I was expelled. After that, I didn' have a clue where ter go. Not many places besides the Muggle world where yeh can work withou' an O.W.L. to yer name. If it weren' for Dumbledore offerin' me this job, I don' know what would've become o' me."

Remus watched Hagrid until the large man looked at him again. Hagrid tried to smile, and Remus did his best to return it.

"Yeh're a lot better at magic than me," Hagrid continued. "There migh' be someone out there who'll hire yeh. I wouldn' give up yet. There's always Dumbledore…"

Remus couldn't help but make a face, and Hagrid trailed off, eyes narrowing.

"Wha' is it?"

Remus shifted in his seat.

"It's just that...I think I'd like to be a professor." His cheeks burned at the confession. "But I couldn't do that for a few years at least, and there are no jobs that would take me and give me the necessary experience. I'll never have the qualifications."

Hagrid rubbed at his beard.

"Dumbledore's a kind man," he said. "Don' give up on him."

Though Remus nodded, he didn't think he had any hope to hold onto. They were silent for a few moments before Hagrid cleared his throat.

"How are yer friends? Tha' James and Sirius are somethin' else. Always amazes me wha' they get up to, but Flitwick says they're not half bad at most of their subjects. I've always thought they mus' be interesting characters."

Remus couldn't help but smile.

"They're pretty interesting."

Hagrid gave a short laugh.

"You should bring 'em around some time. The more the merrier. If they'd want ter come o' course…"

Hagrid trailed off, and Remus gave him the largest smile he could muster.

"I'm sure they'd love to come. As soon as we find the time, I'll bring them around."

"Ah," Hagrid said, hope shining in his eyes. "Mus' be hard with studying and prefect duties and all tha'."

"Yeah, you could definitely say that," Remus said, trying not to think about the upcoming full moon on top of it all.

"Explain to me again why we're visiting the gamekeeper," Sirius said as the Marauders walked across the grounds in the direction of Hagrid's cabin. "The guy seems decent as far as adults go, but he's still an adult."

Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're an adult now, Sirius. Get over it."

"Technically," Sirius pressed. "I'm technically an adult, but I'm not a real adult. If I was, McGonagall wouldn't still be searching for every chance she can find to give me detention. You can call me an adult once we're out of here and I never have to scrub a trophy again."

"Hagrid's never given us detention," Peter pointed out, glancing at Sirius over his shoulder.

Remus had been surprised at Peter's excitement at the idea of befriending Hagrid. He was leading the group, with Remus trailing behind, as if he couldn't wait to make it there.

Sirius scratched at his chin.

"You know, that's true. I take it back. I'll give Hagrid a chance."

"How kind of you."

Sirius smirked at Remus, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

"I'm a generous man to those who deserve it, Moony."

Peter's excitement turned to nervousness when they reached the hut, and he took a step back, letting Remus be the one to approach the door. Remus knocked, and it only took a few seconds for Hagrid to open the door, his face breaking into a wide smile when he identified them.

"Well, hello there," Hagrid greeted, overcoming his surprise. "Nice to see yeh."

James stepped forward.

"We thought this Saturday was as good a chance as any to make some new friends. The castle gets painfully boring after seven years."

Hagrid laughed, patting at his stomach as he did so.

"I doub' that," he said, "but you lot are welcome ter visit any time. Come inside. Sorry 'bout the mess. Wasn' expectin' visitors."

Remus felt far more at ease as he settled in one of Hagrid's oversized chairs. The hut was cozy from the fire in the hearth. There were exactly enough chairs for the Marauders and Hagrid, and once all five of them had settled in, it would have been difficult for a sixth person to move around them in the hut.

Hagrid wasn't bothered by what little space he had to move around. He was humming happily as he put a kettle on to boil, not having asked if they'd like tea.

"How're yer NEWTs goin'?" he asked as he took his own chair. "Seems like I've been hearin' less abou' you lot runnin' wild in the castle this year. I'm guessin that's why."

Hagrid sounded more amused than frustrated, which might have been why Sirius was grinning despite his reluctance to befriend an adult.

"I keep trying to get these gits to do something with me, but they always have excuses."

Hagrid smiled at him.

"Yeh can't blame 'em for wantin' to get good scores. They're importan' for the future."

"I'll manage just fine," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

He would have been leaning on the chair's hind legs if the chair weren't too heavy for it.

"I'm sure yeh will. The teachers may be hard on yeh, but they're fond of yeh too. I've heard nothin' but good things 'bout your talent."

The Marauders shared sceptical looks with each other.

"They talk about us?" Peter asked.

Hagrid chuckled, a little flushed from the awe they were directing towards him.

"O' course they do," he said. "You four are some o' the most talented in yer year. 'S not like the professors haven' noticed."

Sirius snorted, though Remus was sure he was as surprised as the rest of them.

"Of course they have. Who wouldn't want to talk about our brilliance? Especially mine. Tell me more, Hagrid. How much does McGonagall love me?"

Sirius spent the next half an hour trying to get information on their professors out of a reluctant Hagrid. Though Hagrid knew better than the relay to them everything he had heard, they—or Sirius, at least—did get more out of him than he had likely intended to share.

By the end of the afternoon, Remus wasn't sure if it was Sirius or Hagrid who had the other more tightly wrapped around their finger. Either way, he felt warm inside for the first time in more than a week.

A sense of peace washed over Remus when he entered the library. Perhaps it was the quiet of the place or the fact that one could feel as if they'd barricaded themselves off from the rest of the world if they travelled far enough into the shelves, but he'd always felt peaceful in the library.

There was a small grin on his face as he wandered through the stacks looking for an empty table. He didn't find one, but he did find one that had only one occupant: Lily Evans.

His grin widening, Remus slid into the chair across from her. She had been neck deep in school work and startled at the sound of the chair being pulled out.

"Mind if I sit here?" Remus asked, even though he was already sitting.

Lily shook her head and offered him a strained smile before turning back to her work. Remus sat his bag on the tabletop but didn't move to take out his things, distracted by Lily's demeanor.

She was a tad bit paler than usual, which wasn't too surprising considering the climate of the world combined with the stress of NEWTs. Lily was a Muggleborn after all, and Remus knew what it was like to have to live each day knowing there were people out there who wished you harm.

Looking at her then, he really wanted to tell her how much he understood, but that would have meant revealing the truth. All of it.

Lily knew him as a half blood, not someone on the receiving end of prejudice. In the past, that had always been a good thing.

If he was going to tell her the truth, though, he wasn't going to do it in the middle of the library. Instead, he settled for, "Are you okay?"

She raised an eyebrow at the question as if she was going to deny being bothered, but she deflated with a sigh a moment later.

"Yeah, it's just," she waved a hand through the air, "everything, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it."

He considered his words for a few seconds before he said, "Have I told you that my mum was a Muggle?"

"No," Lily said in surprise. His choice of words dawned on her, and her brow furrowed. "Was?"

"She died," Remus said as if he were speaking of the weather. He knew Lily would see through it. "She got cancer when I was thirteen but held on for about two years after that."

Lily shifted in her seat, keeping her eyes averted to the table. Remus was about to tell her that she didn't need to apologize in that awkward way people usually did when they were told someone had died no matter how long ago it was, when Lily spoke.

"My mum, um…" She cleared her throat. "She was diagnosed with breast cancer this summer."

Blinking several times, Remus found himself on the opposite side of the 'dead parent' situation, a place he'd never been before.

"I'm sorry," he said, hating himself for not coming up with something better even as the words came out of his mouth.

Lily shook her head.

"Don't be. It's not as if it's your fault. Only Mary knows. I've thought about telling others, but it's a lot to unload on someone. So…"

"You can talk to me about it whenever you want," Remus was quick to say. "Seriously. Merlin knows how much I unloaded on James, Sirius, and Peter when my mum was sick. You can tell me anything you want."

Lily smiled at him, but it didn't remove the tears that were making her eyes glisten.

When Remus' mother had been sick, Voldemort hadn't yet gained the notoriety he had since. He wondered what it would be like for your mother to be fighting a war with her body as an even larger one brewed throughout Britain. He'd been thankful before that his mum hadn't seen what the wizarding world was descending into.

"Do your parents know about everything?"

"About what the Prophet prints every day? No." She smiled at him sadly. "It wouldn't do any good to tell them about it. Maybe Mum could handle it, but I don't want her to."

She took a deep breath, leaning back in her chair before she changed the subject.

"So, your mum was a Muggle? What was that like? A Muggle mother and wizard father?"

Remus smiled.

"Nice," he said. "I'd say I got the best of both worlds. I grew up getting to watch TV on Saturday mornings and play on my toy broom in the afternoons."

Lily hummed.

"Sometimes I miss TV while I'm at Hogwarts. And movies. My sister loves to brag about all the movies she saw while I was away in Scotland."

"We only went to the movies once or twice a year when I was kid," Remus admitted. "They were nice, but I preferred TV."

One might have thought he'd admitted to enjoying polka music from the look of horror on Lily's face. She leaned forward on her elbows, pointing her finger at him.

"But The Godfather! Jaws! I just saw Star Wars over the summer, and it blew my mind."

Remus frowned.

"James mentioned Star Wars. He said you told him to watch it, but I haven't heard of it. I haven't watched many movies since I started Hogwarts."

From the way Lily gaped at him, he knew he'd given the wrong answer.

Remus was too busy stuffing his textbooks back into his trunk to pay attention to James when he entered the dormitory for bed that night. He stacked Transfiguration on top, knowing he'd need it first the next day. His friends moving around the room were background noise until Peter spoke.

"How do you do it?"

Remus lowered the lid of his trunk and turned to sit on it, facing Peter.

"Do what?" James asked, casting a look at Remus and Sirius but only getting a shrug from Sirius in response.

"Talk to girls," Peter said as if it should have been obvious, throwing his hands into the air. "Sure, it may have taken a few years, but you're dating Lily, and Sirius snogs who knows how many girls a day."

"A day?" Sirius said with a laugh. "You have an exaggerated view of my love life, Wormtail."

Peter shrugged, collapsing onto his bed with a sigh.

"Each time I try talking to a girl, my words come out garbled or they laugh or something. At this rate, I'm never going to get a girlfriend."

James came to sit beside Peter, clapping him on the shoulder.

"It's your confidence, mate. You've got to stop being down on yourself."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "No one's saying you have to pull a James and go on long speeches about your prowess in front of the girl you like, but you have to believe in yourself. People are attracted to confidence."

Peter was silent as he looked between James and Sirius with raised eyebrows. Turning to Remus, he asked, "If they're only going to give me bullshit advice, what do you have to say?"

James and Sirius began protesting loudly, but Remus ignored them as his heart raced.

"I've never dated anyone," he pointed out. "I've never even kissed anyone. You shouldn't be asking me for dating advice."

Peter rolled his eyes.

"But that's just because you don't want to, isn't it? Because of your secret. If you were willing to date them, you'd have girls lining up."

Remus felt his cheeks flush.

"I don't think that's true."

His words only received another roll of the eyes from Peter.

"Oh, come on, Moony," Sirius said joyfully, reaching over to push at his shoulder. "Like we told Peter, you've got to have more confidence than that. Plenty of girls recognize what a nice bloke you are."

Remus refused to look in Sirius' direction as he spoke to Peter.

"If you really want my advice, just be nice to them. Ask them about things they like. You know, like things you'd talk about with a friend."

"But I don't want a friend," Peter said with a frown. "I want a girlfriend."

"Right, I know," Remus said, "but I think girls will like when you connect with them about stuff they like. It seems pretty straightforward to me."

Peter looked confused as he thought over the advice.

"I'm always nice to them though," he said slowly, "and I still don't have a girlfriend."

"It's not just being nice," Remus tried to clarify, though he didn't know how to explain it better than he already had. "Like I said, you have to talk to them and find things you have in common. Get to know them and be nice."

Peter didn't respond, but his brow remained furrowed until he was under the covers of his bed that night.

Krista had somehow become part of Remus' life since the party where Sirius had dragged her his way. She'd find him in the library and ask for advice on an assignment. She'd sit down next to him in the common room to talk about a book. It was nice. Remus liked her.

The way Sirius had tried to push them together constantly ran through his mind when he was in her presence, as he wondered what her expectations were for spending time with him. It only became worse when he remembered Peter's words about him easily being able to kiss a girl if he wanted.

Still, she was a good friend to have, and he didn't want to push her away because she might have expected more than he was willing to give her.

She was pretty, was the thing. Extremely pretty, if he was being honest with himself. Remus would have been lying if he said he wasn't attracted to her, and it was hard to deny that attraction when the words of his friends kept coming back up and making him think about it.

"Remus?"

He pulled himself back to the present to look at Krista, who sat next to him on the couch. She smiled when she saw she had his attention again.

"Sorry," Remus said sheepishly. "I was thinking."

"Not about Roses in the Dark I'm guessing?"

Remus laughed. "No, not about the book."

He was overcome with a sudden urge to say more than he had before.

"I know we haven't talked about it since it happened, but I'm sorry for how Sirius was behaving that night at his party."

"Why?" Krista said with a laugh. "He didn't do anything bad."

"I guess not…"

Remus trailed off, not sure how to word his opposition to Sirius without revealing more than he wished to.

"To be honest," Krista continued, "I really like you Remus. I have for years, so I was thrilled when Sirius lead me to you. If I was left on my own, I might never have worked up the courage."

As Remus gaped, Krista averted her gaze.

"You don't have to like me back," she said. "I thought I'd tell the truth, but we can just be friends. I know you don't like me that way."

"It's not you," he said before pausing when he realized how the words sounded. "It's really not. I've never dated anyone before, and now doesn't seem like a good time to try with N.E.W.T.s and everything."

"I understand," Krista said softly. "You have a lot on your plate, but I haven't made things weird between us, have I? We can still be friends?"

"Of course," Remus replied without thinking.

"Mr Lupin, could you stay a moment please?"

McGonagall's words made his heart race. The other Marauders tried to stay behind with him, but one sharp glance from McGonagall was enough to send them to their next class with pats on Remus' back.

McGonagall's eyes were on the door as the last straggler left. She motioned for Remus to approach her desk, her face serious.

"Yes, Professor?"

He hated standing in front of her desk. It made him feel like an admonished school child, and for once, he didn't think that's what he was. James was taking his position as Head Boy seriously, much to Sirius' dismay. There was nothing Remus could imagine them being in trouble for.

"I promised that I would find you a job, Remus, and I fully intend to keep that promise."

His stomach sank. He had expected McGonagall to fail, but having to face her disappointment face-to-face made his cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"It's all right, Professor."

"It certainly is not."

The rise in her voice caught him off guard. This McGonagall was more animated than the one he knew. The only time he'd seen her like this before, she'd just learned that Sirius had lured Snape to the Whomping Willow.

"With the Ministry's new laws, businesses that once would have taken a chance on a werewolf are worried, but it's not just you facing this, Remus. I'm having a harder time finding open positions for my Muggleborn students as well."

"Really?" Remus' own disappointment was momentarily forgotten. Lily immediately came to mind. She had so much talent. "But that sounds like something they'd actually get in trouble for."

McGonagall's frown deepened.

"No one has an official policy, and no one will say they're not hiring Muggleborns. But you know better than I do that they don't need to say it explicitly for it to be clear."

Ice coated Remus' veins. If people were emboldened enough to discriminate against Muggleborns, that could only mean the absolute worst for him.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Professor."

McGonagall inclined her head towards him.

"I wish I didn't have to pass on news such as this," she said. "However, I haven't given up. More than half the year's left, and I will search the entire wizarding world if necessary."

"Thank you."

Tears stung at the back of Remus' eyes as he hurried from the room.