A/N: This was my first attempt at Fanfiction. I woke up with the idea in my head after inhaling so much DWP/Mirandy fanfic. This is not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.
I want to thank the those that continue to provide encouragement by commenting on my fics. This chapter comes with a shout-out to all the Mirandy Dinosaurs, may your love of the fandom continue to push it to flourish.
Disclaimer: I do now own any of the Characters belonging to The Devil Wears Prada. These are owned by Lauren Weisberger and 20th Century Fox.
Summary: Andy leaves Paris with final words for Miranda.
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Chapter Eighteen:
An hour had passed since Andréa's rapid departure and Miranda was sat on her roof terrace, a hot cup of tea in her hands clasped against her chest, offering the smallest amount of warmth. Andréa's journal was in her lap.
She realised now she had reacted badly with Andréa. The brunette had been right when she stated Miranda had shown her a distinct lack of faith, and for that, she was horrified. She'd let her innate vulnerability flair up when the photo had landed in her email and her knee-jerk reaction was to push the young woman out of her life before it would hurt more. Printing it quickly she had demanded her bag and coat and had stormed out of Runway.
She had no excuses, but her mistreatment at the hands of her previous husbands still affected her greatly. Deep down she understood it was highly unlikely that her Andréa would cheat, but she knew how inadequate her previous partners had found her, and now she had proven to the young woman how true it was. She had believed pushing the brunette away wouldn't hurt, their relationship was so new. She was wrong, her heart ached the moment she looked into Andréa's eyes and observed the heartbreak in those expressive pools of chocolate. She realised at that moment how irrational she had been. She did not want to live with those old fears any longer. She needed to show Andréa just how much she was trusted. She needed to make amends, to correct her mistake, but Andréa had run.
Taking a deep breath she placed her mug on the table beside her and opening the journal she continued to read.
10/06/2007 - Paris
This is my new journal, one place I can put down all my thoughts without fear. Nate found and took it upon himself to read my last journal, and it did not go well. He recognised the truth hidden behind my words and the small sketches I had made as I gathered my thoughts each day. I can't believe he read my deepest thoughts and judged me for them, but I can't say I'm surprised.
Nate will have gone now. Lily and Doug followed. My parents have expressed their continued disappointment, but I could cope with that, as long as I had Miranda and those occasional fleeting glances that showed her approval but...
...I walked away from her today, my Miranda, and I feel like my heart has been torn to shreds.
I had to leave. For my own sanity and before I acted on my foolish feelings for a woman who could never see me as more than a silly little girl. A woman who has somehow captured my heart and soul so fully that I hurt people I care about to stay by her side.
Today I watched as Miranda dashed the hopes of her longest-serving colleague, the one person, other than myself, who somehow sees past the Editor-In-Chief, to the woman beyond. Nigel was hurt, and my heart ached for him, but it ached for Miranda more. She may have kept her position, but she has lost something greater than that. Without realizing she has lost the person who was loyal to her. Losing a husband who is not loyal is nothing in comparison.
And knowing that, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to make her aware she still had one person who cared. As I looked at her, sensing her pleasure in her victory over Irv, I leaned towards her, just slightly, as she told me how impressed she was with me, but then I remembered last night, with Christian, and I hated myself. I can acknowledge she would hate any move I made towards her, I am tarnished now, tainted by his touch as I closed my eyes and thought of her.
Last night I asked her if there was anything I could do for her. I was told to do my job, nothing more. And I can no longer do that effectively. I can't protect her from those that would do her harm. I can't...she won't...
...But I can protect her from me. I have no choice, loving her the way I do, but to leave. But I will explain the best I can, apologise for my abandonment at the steps of the Petit Palais. I'll write her a letter and hope...I have to keep hope alive...without it how am I supposed to live?
Miranda rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. That afternoon in the car in Paris she had sensed it when the brunette shifted towards her and told herself the young woman was trying to read her facial expressions, something she had noticed her doing with more frequency. She observed the moment Andréa had licked her lips, but as she continued to speak the other woman had drawn back and her eyes had closed. She had assumed it was due to what was being said not the thought process going on in Andréa's beautiful mind.
Grasping her cup of tea she raised it to her lips and grimaced as the cooling liquid hit her tongue. Placing the cold tea back on the table she frowned as her cell chimed. Reaching for it she noticed Emily's name flashing on the screen and opened it half-heartedly. She had told the redhead she was not to be disturbed under any circumstances.
echarlton: I received a call from the Presbyterian. You need to be there ASAP. It's Andy, there's been an incident in the park.
Miranda stood swiftly dropping Andy's journal in her haste. Bending to scoop it up she moved towards the house, quickly picking up speed with her cell attached to her ear. "Roy, I need you at the house. Five minutes. That's all." She disconnected quickly as she charged into her bedroom and grabbed her shoes. Catching her reflection in the mirror she noted the panic highlighted in her eyes, her face was flushed with two splotches of colour on her cheeks. Shaking her head, she charged down the stairs and skidding into the den where Richard and the twins were sat watching a documentary about Lions. "Andréa..." She gasped. "...Hospital. Will you stay?" Miranda asked breathlessly as she bent, hands on her thighs and tried to catch her breath.
"What happened?" Richard asked, untangling himself from the twins as they looked at each other in panic, he stood and stepping towards the silver-haired woman he placed a warm hand on her bicep. "What happened to Andy?" He asked gently.
"I don't know, Emily messaged me and said I needed to be there. Please stay with the twins. I will call you as soon as I learn more." Miranda tried to get her whirling emotions under control. Looking up at the man she let him witness the fear in her eyes before closing them and pulling herself together. Her cell chimed. "Roy is waiting, please. I will be in touch shortly."
"Go, Miranda. Take care of my girl." Richard spoke softly as Miranda pivoted quickly and moved down the last flight of stairs, and grabbing her coat and purse, made her way out onto the street and to the waiting car.
As she slid into the backseat, she looked down into her hands and noticed she was still clutching Andy's journal and her cell. Catching Roy's eye in the rearview she whispered her requirements. "Presbyterian, quickly."
Roy nodded once and pulled out into traffic making his way swiftly towards the hospital.
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Andy was cold, her teeth chattering as she laid curled in a foetal position on the hospital bed. The paramedics had strapped her to a board before they moved her quickly to the ambulance and cut away her wet clothes. They had dried her off, starting with her torso and legs before moving to her hands and feet, warming her up gently. They had then wrapped her in insulated blankets, including her head, before placing warming pads under her armpits and on the groin, neck and abdomen.
Upon arrival at the hospital, they hooked her up to warm IV fluids and fed her warm milk. As she struggled to breathe they gave her oxygen.
She was confused. She couldn't remember how she ended up in hospital, just the piercing cold that had surrounded her before she had sensed her body shutting down. Her head ached. She recalled she had argued with Miranda but from there everything was muddled. As she tried to remember, her eyes closed, she heard the faint click of heels from the corridor and the raised voice of a nurse. Opening her eyes she noticed Miranda's silhouette against the backdrop of the light from the hall.
"I will go in there, she is my..." Miranda trailed off. "...fiancée."
"Ms Sachs has no one listed as a next of kin. She has Runway listed as her Emergency Contact but..."
"And how do you think I am aware of Andréa's accident? I am Editor-In-Chief of Runway. I demand to be told what happened." Miranda was seething.
"Ms Priestly, my apologies. You are, of course, Ms Sachs emergency contact. Our records show that somehow Ms Sachs ended up in the lake in Central Park. The police will want to question her as she was seen in an altercation before this happened. We are treating her for mild hypothermia and she has had difficulty breathing..."
"That's all." Miranda waved the nurse away before spinning on her heel and entering the room. She stepped towards the bed and frowned the at the sight of the young woman curled up on the bed shivering. Kicking off her heels, she shrugged herself out of her clothes, folding them efficiently. She curled beside the young woman, pulling the blankets away, and settling behind Andy's naked body, sharing her body heat.
The nurse squeaked at the sight as Andy relaxed into Miranda's loose embrace. "Please don't rub..." Thet nurse trailed off as Miranda rolled her eyes.
"I understand what it is like to suffer hypothermia," Miranda stated coldly. "I spent many a cold winter as a child in London. I appreciate that my Andréa needs warming up gently. The best way to do so is through shared body heat."
The nurse nodded her acceptance and left the room quickly to page the doctor and to take a few calming breaths. She had seen the articles in the Post regarding the editor, but experiencing the Dragon first hand was something she was not equipped for.
Miranda brushed Andy's hair behind her ear gently. "Can you tell me what happened, my darling?" She whispered.
"I don't know." Andy husked as she shivered against the older woman. "I remember leaving the house and making my way through the park, but then nothing until the paramedics arrived. I remember being so cold, and I couldn't breathe."
Miranda frowned and ran her hand gently over Andy's head. Feeling a lump she was concerned. "It seems you may have smacked your pretty little head," Miranda whispered gently. Running her hands softly along Andy's arm she entwined their hands. She noticed immediately Andy's ring was missing. "My darling, where is your ring?" She sat up slightly, resting on her elbow and watched as Andy frowned.
"I don't..." Andy choked back a sob. "...I wouldn't take it off, not on purpose." Tears flowed from Andy's eyes as she remembered their argument.
Miranda laid back down and secured the blanket around Andy more firmly. Pulling the young woman closer she nuzzled into the brunette. "I know you wouldn't, Andréa. It's okay, my darling. I will ensure it is found or replaced." She reassured. They lay together for a while, comforted by each other's presence and Andy stopped shivering and fell into a deep slumber as Miranda held her gently, trying to keep herself together. She needed to be strong for the young woman.
The doctor walked into the room followed by a young police officer. Spotting Miranda he gestured for her to remain when she untangled herself, suddenly embarrassed. He switched on the overhead light and checked Andy's temperature before offering Miranda a gentle smile. "She's coming back up to normal temperature." He assured her. "You have done a wonderful job getting her warm."
Miranda scoffed. "I would like to know how Andréa ended up in the lake."
The doctor gestured to the young police officer. "Would you like to explain to Ms Priestly what information you have?"
"Miranda," Miranda explained. "I prefer to be called by my given name."
The officer sat beside Andy's bed and pulled out her notebook. "Miranda, witnesses state they saw Ms Sachs having an argument with a Caucasian male and African American woman at around 3:30 pm. There was a tussle and something was thrown into the lake. As Ms Sachs looked in the direction of the lake, her hand was grabbed and as she tried to pull away, she lost her footing and landed in the water, fully submerging. Someone dived into the lake and pulled her to safety."
"Who?" Miranda demanded.
"A young man named Nathanial Cooper. He's quite the hero." The police officer stated.
Miranda frowned, she recognised the name from Andy's personal files. "Nathanial Cooper is Andréa's ex-boyfriend. I would check witness descriptions of the Caucasian male and see if they match those of Mr Cooper." Miranda stated softly. "Regarding their tussle, Andrea's engagement ring is missing, and she is asthmatic." She turned to the doctor. "Was her inhaler in her pockets?"
The doctor gasped. "No. Her wallet and a few coins were gathered once they cut her clothes off. Can I ask when was her last attack?"
"Christmas day. She was upset when she left the house, we had a disagreement and she needed time away. Since her asthma is affected by emotional upheaval, it is likely that she was suffering when they threw her Ventolin inhaler away." Miranda ground her teeth together. "She has a sizeable lump on her head, I don't know how it was caused and when I questioned her not half an hour ago she had no recollection of the events."
"We caught up with the young woman after the incident. She was holding a ring. Can you describe it?" The officer asked kindly as Andy turned and nuzzled into Miranda tangling her legs around the older woman.
Miranda closed her eyes and attempted to concentrate on not reacting to Andy's touch. Swallowing she replied to the question. "It is a Platinum eternity band set with black diamonds and morganite. There is a small inscription on the inside."
"Can you tell me what the inscription says?" The officer asked gently.
"Would you lie with me and just forget the world," Miranda stated softly. "It is signed with an M, for my name."
The police officer looked at her notes and jotted something down. "If it is Ms Sachs ring it will be returned, as soon as we are finished questioning the young woman. She tried to drop it but was stopped by a passerby who saw and it was handed back."
Miranda frowned. "She took and then tried to drop a twenty thousand dollar ring?" She was scandalised.
The police officer looked up. "Twenty thou..." She trailed off and swallowed. "We'll ensure it is made secure immediately."
"Thank you, Officer," Miranda stated as Andy stirred in her arms.
Letting out a moan Andy moved her hand to her head. "Mm, I hurt, Mira."
Miranda watched as the doctor stepped closer. "Ms Sachs..."
"Andy," Miranda told him. "She'll respond better to Andy."
"Andy, my name is Doctor Emery. Can you tell me where you hurt?"
"Everywhere." Andy groaned. "Even the ends of my hair hurts."
The doctor ran his hands over Andy's scalp and she yelped as his fingers found the lump behind her ear. "I'm sorry, I understand you are sore, I need you to do me a favour. Can you open your eyes for me?"
Andy complied and groaned, closing them again quickly. "Light hurts," Andy grumbled.
The doctor nodded, and the officer got up and shut the door quietly. He switched off the overhead light as the doctor switched on the small wall light which hung over the bed. "Andy, I turned off the main light. Can you try opening your eyes for me again and tell me where you are?"
Andy opened her eyes and looked at the doctor, confusion highlighted within her eyes. "I'm at the hospital?" She asked.
The doctor nodded. "Yes, I need to check a few things. Can you tell me what your full name is?"
"Andrea Elizabeth Sachs," Andy muttered.
"And what date is it today?" The doctor asked.
"December 28th, 2007," Andy stated, her voice hoarse.
The doctor smiled gently at her. "Do you remember what happened to you?"
Andy nodded. "I saw Lily and Nate and..." She frowned. "...they were telling me I was...because..." She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath.
"Can you tell me what happened Andy, I need to record your statement." The officer asked.
I was at the lake, it's my favourite part of the park, I usually find it so calm. Nate and Lily spotted me as I watched the water and they came over. When they approached, I asked them to go away and leave me alone. I had things I needed to think about and I did not wish to have another argument with them." Andy sighed at the officer's look of confusion. "Nate is my ex-boyfriend and Lily was..." Andy shuddered. "...I thought Lily was my friend. We all had a falling out a few months ago when my job required me to go to Paris and within the space of that week my friends cut all ties and Nate moved to Boston." Andy sighed. "They told me I had changed, and I nodded in agreement, I have grown up a lot over the last year, I have learned who I want to be and what I want to achieve. They made it seem like a bad thing. They don't understand." Andy swallowed. "I became upset when they insulted Miranda, they were so cruel and they don't know her, they can't accept she makes me happy..."
"What happened then, Andy? The officer asked as she scribbled furiously.
"I had my inhaler in my hand as I was a little tight chested and..." She sighed. "...I told them again to go away and leave me alone. That I had nothing left to say to them. That's when Nate grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. He demanded I tell him where he went wrong." She looked at Miranda. "He told me he could understand my need to experiment with a female relationship but kept pleading for an answer to why Miranda." She caught the older woman's eye. "I couldn't tell him it was because I love you, Mira, because I was struggling to catch my breath." She looked at the officer and continued to speak. "When I didn't respond he snatched my inhaler from my hand and threw it in the lake." She caught Miranda's eyes and the older woman saw the unshed tears. "Why would he do that?"
Miranda was appalled. "I don't know, my darling. Will you explain what happened next, how did you end up in the lake?"
"Lily grabbed my hand and told me I was making mistakes with my life...She admitted she was the one who told my mom I was back in New York, she saw us all at Rockafeller on Sunday..." Andy was becoming angry. "...She noticed the ring and shouted at me about being blinded by Miranda, that I would be left with nothing once she tossed me away. As I pulled away from her, she tore the ring from my finger. I was losing my footing and tried to steady myself by reaching out to her and she pushed me away..."
"She pulled your engagement ring from your finger?" The Officer clarified.
Andy looked up at Miranda who offered a small smile. "Yes. After that, I remember being colder than I've ever been and as I was surrounded by the water I couldn't breathe. A hand twined into my hair and it was pulled, then it was dark."
"Nathanial was the one who pulled you from the lake," Miranda told her softly.
"But he hates me," Andy whispered. "He told me I have ruined him." She tightened her grip on Miranda and nuzzled into her neck as Miranda's arms tightened around her. "Like Lily, he told me you'd throw me away, eventually. That you would tire of me, of my weakness."
Miranda shook her head. "I cannot take away the words those people said to you, my darling. What I can do though is to prove to you that this is for keeps. You, me and our girls." She stroked her fingers along Andy's cheek causing her to close her eyes. The doctor gestured for the police officer and they both made to walk from the room. Miranda raised her head. "Doctor, when will Andréa be able to come home?"
"She'll need warm clothes." The doctor stated. "I'd like to monitor her a little longer. Another hour, two maximum."
"Acceptable," Miranda told him as she settled against the brunette and let her tears fall silently.
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Andy had fallen asleep after the doctor left, closing the door behind him. Miranda had eventually untangled herself from the brunette gently so not to wake her. Dressing quickly she sat on the chair beside the young woman and made calls.
"Richard, hello...Yes, she will be fine...she ended up in the lake in the park after an incident with Nathanial and Lillian...We'll be home tonight...the experience has taken a toll on her...yes it will be dealt with...please reassure the girls...could you ask them to arrange a bag of clothes for Andréa? Underwear, jeans, a t-shirt and her UGGs, oh, and a warm sweater or coat? I will have Roy pick up the bag...Thank you...I will tell her when she wakes...See you soon."
She pressed the speed dial for Emily. "Emily, I will need my day tomorrow cancelled...yes, send the book electronically...I will let you know what's happening about next week...Will you advise the board I am navigating a family emergency and send a dinner invite to Diane Truman and her partner for Saturday evening 6 pm? Let me know immediately if it is not an acceptable date...Yes, Andréa will be fine...Thank you for your concern...I will tell her...Yes...That's all."
Miranda sat back with a sigh. Pulling out her cell she sent a text to Roy requesting the pickup of Andy's bag at the townhouse before arriving to get them from the hospital. Looking across at the brunette she saw the rise and fall of her chest and for the first time in years gave thanks to whatever deity was listening for the blessings of her life.
Pulling out Andy's journal she read.
10/07/2007 London
Most diaries start the same way, with two words; Dear Diary.
A journal often becomes a friend and confidante, a place where your thoughts can be listened to, without judgement. Sometimes there are things you want or need to say, things you may find you cannot say to a person's face.
There is just one person I want to tell my deepest thoughts to. So this journal is for her and I will address it as such...
Dear Miranda,
I left you in Paris this morning with a hug, and my heart ached as I watched you walk away. I am in London now, just until tonight, when I will catch my flight to pack up my empty life in New York.
I must say, I love London. Part of me wonders why you ever left this beautiful city.
The whole city seems awash with creativity and history. Each area has its own unique style and atmosphere, it left me amazed. I was stunned by every landmark I stumbled across while travelling on foot through this rich city. I went on the London Eye on the South Bank and took an array of photos. As it reached the top Big Ben chimed the hour, and I stood still and took in the whole experience.
I seem to have walked miles today, but at every step, my thoughts were of you. I can imagine the rush of the final day of Fashion Week, the parties and after show events and then the last rush to pack and get your flight home.
I wish I could spend more time in London, maybe drive further north to Manchester, York and even up into Scotland. Perhaps one day.
I have found the coffee in London is amazing and I am developing a taste for searing hot Latte's, but I don't understand why the Brits have such a bad rep for food. The roast beef and onion gravy sandwich I had for lunch and the fish and chips wrapped in a newspaper I had for dinner were enjoyed immensely.
Miranda snorted at Andy's words about the food. She would take Andréa to The Spotted Pig or The Red Lion for a date. Looking up she saw a small smile on Andy's face and welcomed the sense of relief flooding through her.
"I love that snort," Andy whispered hoarsely. "For such a classy lady it's such an inelegant noise, but it suits you."
"You think I'm classy?' Miranda asked gently.
Andy opened her eyes and saw her journal in Miranda's hands. "Sure, you're stylish and sophisticated. You are well spoken and...I don't know. It's hard to define. It's how you act, how you carry yourself, how you express yourself and how you live your life." Andy spoke softly. "May I have a drink?"
"Oh, of course, my darling." Miranda stood quickly and stepped towards the bed Placing the journal down she poured a glass of water and helped Andy raise her head as she held the plastic glass to her lips as she drank deeply. "How are you feeling?" Miranda swiped a drop of water from the corner of Andy's mouth and looked into her eyes.
"Like I took a swim in a cold place." Andy grinned slightly before turning serious. "I didn't expect you to come, I thought..."
"You thought wrong, my darling. I am here, where I need to be, with you." Miranda placed the glass down and sat gently on the edge of the bed, turning towards Andy. "We will talk about this afternoon, Andréa. I need to explain..."
"No, no explanations are needed." Andy interrupted. "As I walked, I thought about your reaction. I realise you have been hurt, and I didn't take that into account before leaving the townhouse. I don't quite know yet the full depth of your pain, Miranda, but I see some of it, in your vulnerability and even in your dragon lady persona. But you understand that I cannot reassure you if you push me away, my love." Andy reached for Miranda's hand and run her fingers across the two dragon's protecting the blue heart. "Can you explain what you thought when you saw that photo?"
"I felt overwhelmed. The little nagging voice in my head told me you were just another person who found me lacking. All it took was five days, and you were looking elsewhere for comfort, because you would leave me one day, Andréa, just like the rest." Miranda swallowed back her tears. "I didn't realise...when you walked into the study and greeted me...I didn't let myself hear the smile in your voice, I spun around and saw you frown and I lashed out. I thought it best if I got in first and pushed you away before you told me you were leaving me." Miranda entwined their fingers. "It would break me." She admitted. "You have the power to break me and I'm more frightened than I have ever been."
Andy frowned. "What can I do to reassure you? I told you on Saturday and Sunday that I can't willingly walk away..."
"But you did. You ran." Miranda whispered.
"I needed time, Miranda. Time to think and to process all that happened. That does not mean I will not come back though, Miranda. I will always come back to you, no matter what..." A knock on the door interrupted her words and Roy poked his head around the door.
"I have Andy's things." He stated softly. Looking at the editor he could see her trying to pull herself together. Placing the bag beside the door he looked away. "I will be in the cafeteria getting coffee, would you like anything?"
"Yes, please," Miranda whispered. "My usual, tea for Andréa. Thank you, Roy."
Roy was shocked at the editor's words, she was well known not to say please or thank you to her staff. "Of course, Miranda. I'll be back soon." He spun on his heel and softly closed the door., his face alight with a wide smile.
"Tea?" Andy was curious.
"Yes, caffeine is not good for those with hypothermia, my darling?" Miranda advised.
"You realise tea has caffeine in it?" Andy grinned as Miranda scowled.
Picking up her cell she dialled Roy. "Can you ensure Andréa's tea is decaffeinated? Thank you." Miranda caught the brunette's eye and noticed the small smirk. "You can be a real smart-arse sometimes, Andréa."
Andy's smile widened. "I know. You must admit though, I keep you on your toes and you love me for it."
"Yes, you most certainly do, my impossible girl. Please never stop." Miranda's tone was gentle as she looked at the young woman. "Now, how about we see what the twins have chosen for you to wear?" Miranda smirked as she got up and grabbed the bag from beside the door.
"Um, yeah. It will be good to get dressed. Being naked is making me a little vulnerable." Andy blushed. "Thank you for being here with me, and for climbing into bed. It means more than I can say." Andy looked down. "So what have our daughter's decided I should wear?"
Miranda pulled out clothes, "Levi's, fluffy socks and your Northwestern hoody. They have packed your UGGs." Miranda grinned as she set the items at the bottom of the bed and rifled to the bottom of the bag. "And a white t-shirt." She queried.
Andy grinned. "Look at it?"
Miranda unfolded the shirt. Emblazoned on the front was a rainbow print with the words; 'Human' woven between the bright colours. She smiled at the brunette. I want one of these. I will wear it for a new photo attached to the letter from the Editor in our Pride edition."
Andy offered a smile at the words. "That would shock quite a few people. You haven't changed your photo in years," Looking at the older woman she posed a question that had been niggling at her before her accident. "You seem okay, with all these changes, with being with me. I realise it is a big development in your life. Do you regret it?"
"I regret many things, but this?" Miranda shook her head. "How could I have a single regret when I am following my heart? How can I regret something capable of bringing me so much happiness?"
"So no regrets?" Andy clarified.
"No, my darling." Miranda stroked Andy's hair from her eyes. "Not a single one. Now, do you need my help to dress?
Andy groaned as she stretched. Her muscles ached, and they felt heavy. "Yeah, I think I do."
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