A/N: Yes, I know, it's been a long time, but I've actually been posting on archiveofourown because it's just easier to post there. The set up's easier. Anyway, if you want to read up to chapter twenty-something, they're mostly on there. I'll keep posting here, don't worry, because I understand different people like different reading platforms, I'm just saying I like the ao3 platform better for posting. So, yes, I am continuing this, no I haven't abandoned it, and yes I'll eventually finish. I'm doing school, looking after a 4 year old and a new born, and working, I'm swamped.

Enjoy!

"It was bad Derek." Is the first thing Stiles wakes up to hearing, "I'm glad you didn't have to see it but I'm also kind of glad that it happened. There's so much pent up pain that I don't even know how he's still functioning. His mind seems to be doing well despite the strain and unless he goes into one of those episodes he seems pretty normal."

"When my family died I was very much like him as he is now. There's so much guilt and pain and he doesn't smile or laugh or even talk all that much. Peter would probably know more about the physical pain side of things because he was actually in the fire and scarred for years in a coma. Right now, Stiles is doing remarkably well but he's still only human. My uncle is a werewolf and he barely survived from a single night in a fire. Stiles went through I don't even know how much more."

"I wanted to ask you, you remember when you told me about the memory thing that werewolves can do?" a pause, "Do you think you'd be able to do that for Stiles? Take his memories? Wouldn't that make him better?"

Derek sighs. "It's complicated with humans. Werewolves can heal after the nails are removed from the neck, humans don't. It also takes a physical toll on the werewolf as well. That much pain and trauma would not be easy on me even though I'm an Alpha, it'd probably take me, Scott, and Peter to remove all of those memories without risk to our own sanity and we'd still have to make sure that Stiles is alright. He could wake up from that wondering why the hell his body is so messed up."

"But would it help him heal? Right now his mind is preventing him from opening up to Deaton's training, he's so full of guilt that he doesn't think he should heal so he just isn't. Derek," Noah's voice goes high and pleading, "please, please help my son. Dr. O'Heare said that it could take years before he can ever smile, years more before he'll laugh. That and he doesn't think that Stiles would eat or sleep without the pain medications and anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills he's been taking, but his body is already mostly immune to the drugs and a high dosage could damage him even further."

"Sir, I understand what you're saying and I want to, trust me, I want to, but I'd have to ask Scott and Peter to help me and talk with his doctors before I can think of injuring him further. If it doesn't work it could destroy him. Leave him in a catatonic state that he'll never come out of. I need to see if this would even work because it'll be taking almost a year out of his memory and leave him with a wheelchair bound body."

His father sighs and Stiles flinches at the hopelessness, "Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Ok, we'll get the pack together and I'll ask Deaton to come over. I'll talk with O'Heare and see if he'll come to a meeting as well. Do you want me to tell Stiles about this or wait until it's confirmed that this could very well work? I don't want to give him false hope."

"I can't decide that for you, it's up to you if you want to tell him, if not then I'll respect your wishes."

"You're a good kid, Hale. Alright, I'd like to hold the meeting tomorrow after the session with O'Heare. I'll talk to him about it and see if it's a good idea given Stiles' mental capacity at the moment."

"Yes sir, I'll gather the pack and we'll meet you tomorrow. If you need any of us just call and we'll be here as soon as we can."

"I know son, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Good night, sir."

Stiles listens as Derek leaves and feels hope and fear welling within him. If they could take these memories from him will that get rid of what he's done? Will he be able to move on with his life and finally start healing again? But what about the things he has done? He's betrayed them and does he really deserve to live a happy, normal life after all that?

The anxiety whirls within him until the exhaustion pulls him under again.

"Today your father and I were talking about something that could very well help you with your delicate mental state, Stiles."

"Memory taking." Stiles nods and he sees the surprise and almost guilt flash across his father's face where he's sat next to the doctor for the first time in a session.

"You heard us last night, didn't you?"

Stiles nods. "I don't know if I want it. The things I've done can't just be erased."

"What things would that be? You were being tortured for information, there's absolutely no humanly possible way to not have said anything in that sort of situation. I know you see this as a sort of betrayal but I'm sure you'll find, that if you'd only talk to the people who love you most and I know you love most, that they don't see it that way. I've also been talking to the pack every now and again and did you know that Scott feels like he betrayed you?"

Shock must be written all over Stiles' face because Dr. O'Heare nods. "He feels like he should have protected you, been there with you walking home from school because he'd promised earlier that day before he was asked away by his girlfriend. You father as well."

His father flinches and Stiles flinches in response.

"Do you hold them responsible for being unable to be there for you?"

Stiles shakes his head vigorously. The thought had never even crossed his mind. Dr. O'Heare is nodding.

"The entire pack, even the weird one, Peter, feels like they've failed you for being unable to track you down and bring you home. You are so important and loved by all of them that they are absolutely torn up inside and feeling guilty because they couldn't do enough, weren't there in time, took too long, etcetera. But you know what? They were doing all they could to find you, they never stopped. Every waking moment was spent listening for anything on your whereabouts, every person not in school was crossing states in search of you. Did you know that Derek even went to Mexico and Canada trying to find you? He just hadn't gotten around to going far enough East otherwise he'd have found you for sure.

"But you're smart and strong and willful and ingenious and were able to escape under circumstances where anyone else would have given up and died. This is a chance for you to forgive yourself for things you had absolutely no control over, things you did in order to survive. The information you gave would have been gladly given by all of the others in order to get you back."

Stiles is crying. He doesn't want to believe it, he wants to be punished for what he's done, he deserves to be punished. But if what Dr. O'Heare is telling him is true then maybe he should try and get better, just try, so that eventually he can deal with these memories with the people he loves there to take care of them.

"Ok, but on one condition." Both of them look at him intently, "After my body heals and I have control of my Spark, I want my memories back. It doesn't have to be all at once but I want to remember what happened, what I did, and who did it." I want to punish myself when I can deal with it properly, with a strong body, but he doesn't say that.

A huge smile overtakes his father's face and the utter relief is both uplifting and hard to see.

"Ok, I'll call the pack over then. Right now, they're gathered at Scott's house going over again how to take memories since it's been a while since they've done it."

Stiles' heart is thudding hard in his chest and he doesn't know if he can do this but he'll at least try. A knock at the door startles him and his father answers it as he's talking on the phone and Deaton comes walking through the door with his bag in hand.

"Ah, Alan, it's nice to see you."

"O'Heare, it's good to see you too. Thank you again for coming on such short notice. As you can see this fine young gentleman is quite dear to me and the people here."

"I can see that. You'll owe me a favor though." Dr. O'Heare jokes.

"Of course I will." Deaton rolls his eyes. "Stiles, how are you doing?"

Stiles just stares at him because, really? Stupid question.