Word count: 2826

Chapter 11

Keep the Old

There was a trunk that had been sitting in Remus' closet unopened since they had moved into their house when he was ten. He had only the vaguest memories of what it held: various relics of his childhood which his mother had been insistent on keeping. It had moved from village to village with them, m stowed away in Remus' closet each time, but it was ignored between moves.

It was such a fixture that, most of the time, Remus forgot it held anything at all instead of just being a piece of furniture that was there.

With his father at work, giving him free reign of the house, he found himself more lost than ever in memories of his mother, and he suddenly couldn't forget how adamant she'd been that the trunk came with them on each subsequent move, no matter how much they downsized their lives in every other respect.

The clasps on the trunk fought against being open, and Remus was coughing from dust by the time he'd been successful, but eventually, he was staring into a time capsule that he hadn't realized he owned.

An old pair of Hogwarts robes, perhaps his first, was lying on top as the newest addition to the box. He supposed that had been the last significant milestone in his life.

Carefully laying the robes aside, Remus was met with a trunk so full of items that he had no idea where to begin sorting through it all.

There was a scrapbook not too deep in the pile, and Remus pulled it out, running his fingers across the textured cover. He would have recognized the book anywhere. His mother had maintained it meticulously when he was younger. It hadn't been unusual to find her at the kitchen table with crafts supplies around her as she arranged everything just how she wanted it on the page. He would watch her sometimes, but though she had asked him for help at times, he'd always declined, feeling as if he'd ruin the beauty she could create with little more than paper and glue.

Back then, he hadn't thought much about the subject of his mother's scrapbooking. She'd been documenting his childhood, of course, though he hadn't cared much about that one way or the other. He'd hardly noticed that every page was about him.

He opened the book carefully, not sure how well it had held up over the years it had spent stuck in the trunk. As he turned the pages, he got the distinct impression that his father had charmed the book to protect it from aging.

The earlier pages made him smile, but they didn't hold any memories that actually felt like his. As he progressed through the book, moments came back to him, and tears stung at his eyes as he thought about moments shared with his mother.

He had never known what happened to the projects that he brought home from school, but apparently, she had kept them all. Most of them made him cringe or left him chuckling to himself at the foolish things he'd been willing to draw and write when he was younger.

One of them made him pause.

It looked like most of the others at first glance, but he knew immediately what it was. He'd been given the assignment of drawing what he wanted to do when he grew up, and he'd chosen to portray himself as a teacher.

The picture took up most of the paper. He'd drawn what he'd imagined he'd look like as an adult, and it was clear that his childhood self had held delusions of grandeur, making himself much larger than he'd actually grown to be. He stood in front of a blackboard with a book open in his hands. All around him were desks with stick figures that acted as students. Going by the numbers on the blackboard, he was teaching them math.

It looked like every stereotypical depiction of a Muggle classroom that Remus had ever seen, albeit one drawn by a child. The need to disguise himself had been thoroughly hammered into him for as long as he could remember.

He closed the book with a snap and pushed it back into the trunk, covering it with the Hogwarts robes and everything else he had pulled out, willing it to be forgotten once more.

Dear Remus,

How are things going at your house? Things are a little, well, hectic here in Cokeworth.

Did I mention that my sister is getting married next week? Probably not. I'd kind of forgotten about it to be honest. I don't know how, since (looking back on it) my mum had been reminding me in nearly every letter, but I guess I just had other things to worry about.

I'm not in the wedding, which Mum is peeved about, but I have to help out with the preparations anyway. It feels a lot like being my sister's servant, which isn't the funnest way to spend Christmas, but I'm dealing with it. It's nice seeing my parents at least, and I hope Petunia's friendlier once she's married. Though I probably won't see before I go back to school since she has her honeymoon.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't suck a little not to be in the wedding party. Petunia and I were best friends as kids. She definitely would have made me her maid of honour, but things have been weird between us since I got my Hogwarts letter. Anyway, her husband-to-be is the worst, so I guess I can't be too upset about not playing a larger role in adding him to the family.

It's just hard knowing how much things have changed. I ran into an old friend the other day, and it felt like I hardly ever knew her. Being back in Cokeworth is strange to say the least. I'll be happy to get back to Hogwarts. Even with the war, I feel like I belong more there.

Hopefully things aren't as weird for you as they are for me.

Love,

Lily Evans

Remus was back home for four days when he couldn't stand how little food was in the house any longer. He had enjoyed getting to eat pizza for dinner two nights in a row, but the idea of having to eat it again was nauseating. He knew he had to go to the grocery store, so he wrote himself a list and went.

He was inspecting a head of lettuce when someone spoke from behind him.

"Remus Lupin?"

Dread filled his stomach as he turned to face Jonathan, a boy he remembered from his brief time at the local Muggle primary school before he'd gone off to Hogwarts. He could remember each of the kids in that class, but he was shocked that Jonathan could remember him.

"Oh, hello, Jonathan."

Jonathan's face lit up when Remus remembered his name.

"It's been ages, mate. How are you doing?"

He reached out to take Remus' hand, but instead of a normal handshake like Remus had been expecting, Jonathan used his hand to draw him closer for a second and slap him on the back. Remus tried not to appear surprised as they pulled away from each other.

"I'm good," he said. "And you?"

"Great," Jonathan said, and it certainly seemed genuine if the large smile on his lips was anything to go by.

He'd grown attractive in the years since Remus had last seen him, not that he'd been ugly when they were children.

"I hear you go to some fancy boarding school now," Jonathan said. "Everyone in town had questions when you left, but your parents wouldn't say much about it."

Remus hummed in acknowledgement. He'd heard some of the rumours himself when he'd come home for holidays. Most of them were harmless, though he would have hoped people were paying less attention to the guy who disappeared to a secret school every year.

Jonathan looked down at his basket and hesitated for a second before he asked, "Look. I know it's been years since we've talked to each other, but how about catching up? We could go talk in the park? It's a nice day."

Remus hesitated for a second, but for reasons he didn't quite understand, he found himself saying yes. As he checked out, he felt Jonathan's eyes on him, and he fumbled with the groceries before following the other boy out of the grocery store.

Jonathan led him to a bench on the edge of the otherwise deserted park. Remus sat down his shopping beside him and tried not to think too hard about whether or not he had anything that would spoil if he stayed to talk for too long.

It felt strange sitting with a Muggle. As a kid, he'd moved from village to village with his parents, never staying anywhere long, and that had always meant that any friendships he'd had remained shallow, evaporating as soon as they moved again.

Even though his parents had stayed in one place after he'd started Hogwarts, Remus hadn't been around to maintain friendships with the kids he'd briefly attended school with before Hogwarts. There were times during school breaks when he'd see them hanging out together around town and they'd briefly exchange greetings, but no one had invited him to sit down and talk like Jonathan had.

"You probably think this is weird," Jonathan said, leaving Remus floundering for a response that was both true and not insulting.

He needn't have bothered, though, as Jonathan wasn't looking at him or expecting a response. A light blush coloured his cheeks, and Remus tried not to think about how the look was flattering on him.

"I came out as gay last year, and you were the first boy I had a crush on, back when we were ten," Jonathan admitted in a near whisper.

Remus took a moment to process Jonathan's words. Once he had, a shiver ran down his spine, and he straightened, trying not to appear as affected as he felt.

"I hope that doesn't make things weirder between us," Jonathan rushed to add, leaning forward before thinking better of it and leaning away. "I know not everyone reacts well when they find out a bloke is gay, but I've only been out for a year, and I'm working on being confident about it. And you always seemed nice in school. I think that's why I liked you."

He laughed before letting it trail off awkwardly as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

"I don't have a problem with it," Remus said, his voice cracking in a way that he hoped didn't cheapen the truth of his words. "I'm surprised, yeah, but it's not a problem."

He watched Jonathan, his stomach twisting when he saw the way the other boy's eyes flickered to his lips before making eye contact again. Remus' breath caught in his throat as he thought about kissing the other boy. He couldn't bring himself to mention his recent thoughts about boys, how he had dreamt about kissing one boy in particular, but it was oh so easy to lean closer to Jonathan.

Unlike with Krista, Remus could kiss Jonathan and never see him again, and that realization gave him the bravery to close what little space remained between them.

Jonathan gasped as their lips met, and Remus felt his blood sing in his veins. The kiss may have been a one time thing, a moment that would lead to nothing for either of them, but Remus pushed closer, soaking in the feeling of having someone close before it was over.

Remus forced himself to keep taking bite after bite, not wanting his father to figure out that something was bothering him. He struggled to keep his expression neutral, though, and keeping things from his father bothered him more than ever since he'd learned what his parents had kept from him.

"This is pretty good," he said, motioning at the food Remus had spent an hour preparing. "It's a good thing your mum taught you how to cook. It'll be handy skill in the future. My mum never taught me. Guess she assumed I'd get married and my wife would do it. It was true enough for my dad."

Remus set his fork down on his plate.

"Dad, do you still talk to any of your friends from Hogwarts?"

His father mimicked him in setting down his silverware. Remus thanked any higher power watching them that his dad didn't ask him where the question had come from.

When Lyall didn't immediately answer, Remus continued speaking.

"I've never met any of your friends. It hit me today that you and Mum never seemed to have any."

Lyall sighed, rubbing his hand against his brow.

"I see my friends every day at work," he replied carefully. "I'm lucky that I have colleagues who I'd give that title to."

Remus scoffed, feeling like the pouty teenager he'd always wanted to avoid becoming in front of his parents.

"That doesn't answer my question about Hogwarts."

Lyall scowled playfully, but there his posture was stiff.

"We're on good terms, my old Hogwarts friends and me. Mostly."

He leaned back in his chair with a sigh, holding out his hands as if to say 'What can you do?'

"Friendship is easy when you're at school and have to see each other every day. It's harder once you're living across the country and have your own responsibilities and life separate from everyone else."

Remus nodded as tears stung at his eyes.

"Remus," Lyall leaned forward, covering Remus' fist with his hand, "if this is about you and your friends, what happened with me doesn't mean the group of you will end up the same way."

Remus scoffed, carefully removing his hand out from under his father's.

"Of course you'd say that, Dad, but you just admitted that it's what will most likely happen."

Lyall watched him for a moment in silence, making Remus shift uneasily in his seat.

"When you were bitten, I lost all hope you'd attend Hogwarts until Albus Dumbledore showed up on our doorstep. It was one of the happiest days of my life, but I was still terrified of sending you to the castle. We'd moved once a year since you were five to keep our secret, and you were going to be in a castle with hundreds of other children for seven years.

"The only reason I had any hope at all that you wouldn't be found out was because Dumbledore promised to protect you."

Remus stared at the table. His parents had acted overjoyed when Dumbledore had said he could attend school. It had never occurred to him before arriving that he might be discovered by the other students, despite his father's urges to keep a firm grip on his secret. That fear hadn't hit him until the questions he'd received after his first disappearance.

"Well," Remus said, trying to keep his voice light, "turns out you were right to be worried, though Snape had it out for me werewolf or not. If no one had been paying attention like he was..."

He trailed off, suddenly not feeling as sure of the sentiment as he had been at first.

"I wasn't right though," Lyall said. "I hadn't counted on Peter, James, and Sirius. After my own Hogwarts years, I hadn't expected you to be lucky enough to share a dorm with three boys who could care less if you were a werewolf. I'd never considered such a thing when we sent you to school. When you wrote me to say they'd figured it out, I was terrified. When you wrote not long after to say that nothing had changed between the four of you, I was flabbergasted. I never worried for you after that."

"And when Dumbledore wrote to tell you that Sirius had baited Snape and led him straight to me?"

Lyall frowned but gave Remus a shrug.

"I was angry until I reminded myself that Sirius was a teenage boy who was always going to do something stupid before he grew up. That was incredibly unfortunate, but I didn't think you were wrong for having placed your trust in him. I only hope he learned from the experience."

"He has," Remus said, chancing a quick glance up at his father from the tabletop. "Mostly, I think. The rest of us not speaking to him for a month scared him more than he'd admit to most people."

Lyall chuckled.

"That's what I mean, Remus. I didn't have a friendship like that at Hogwarts. While I'm thankful for the friends I had back then, they weren't meant to be in my life forever. That doesn't mean yours aren't."

Remus offered him a small smile, but he still felt dread in the pit of his stomach as he thought about the impending future.