Content notice: This chapter contains vomiting. Word count: 1,787

Chapter 14

Push the Dark From Your Mind

It was a dream.

Remus could tell because he was staring at himself as if he were watching a Muggle movie. It was disconcerting. He couldn't remember having had a dream where he was cognizant that he was dreaming before, but perhaps it was common. Perhaps he was destined to forget all about the dream unfolding before him as soon as he awoke.

He wasn't sure how he was confident that he was looking at himself, not someone else. The him in the dream was at least a decade out of Hogwarts, and he looked healthier than Remus had looked since he was five years old. There were no scars, and he had a higher percentage of body fat than Remus had ever been able to gain with the frequent difficult changes his body went through. Without needing to be told, Remus knew this version of himself had never undergone a werewolf transformation.

As his dream surroundings came into focus, he realized that his adult self was hurrying through the Ministry of Magic. His robes billowed behind him in a dramatic fashion, more like he was walking a runway than the halls of government, and Remus got the distinct impression that his dream self enjoyed the effect.

He watched himself arrive at an office with a sign declaring it the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures. Dread filled the real Remus even as his dream self appeared bored with the room he'd entered, but try as he might, Remus couldn't wake up.

"Has the werewolf been sentenced?" dream Remus snapped at an employee.

He'd used a surly tone that Remus only heard from himself after particularly hard transformations, and his voice was lower than Remus' own. The young woman trembled in fear when he spoke, and he tried to shake himself awake to no avail.

"Yes, sir," the younger employee replied, hunching herself over to appear small. "She received a one year sentence in Azkaban."

"One year," dream Remus snarled. "Why release her in a year? She's a werewolf. They can't control their instincts. Give her one month out of prison, and she'll have gone after someone else."

He picked up a paperweight from the woman's desk and tested the weight of it in his hand as if he wished to throw it.

"Then we'll only have to go after her again," he said. "A vicious cycle until the idiots give her the life sentence she deserves."

"Sir," the employee replied, staring carefully at the paperweight. "She lied on her job application, which is illegal, but we have no evidence she's ever bitten—"

"She had taken work at a daycare. What do you think she did that for, Riley?"

Riley hesitated for a second before pulling a paper out from a stack of them on her desk and holding it out for Remus to take. He didn't.

"In court, she testified that she likes working with children, sir."

One glare from dream Remus was enough to make her stuff the paper back in its place in the pile and pull another out as if she'd suddenly shifted to other work that needed to be done. Even in dream land, the real Remus felt like he was going to be sick.

For the first time, he was privy to his dream self's inner monologue. There was an anger inside of him that Remus had trouble wrapping his mind around, but he recognized parts that were familiar.

His entire life his father had told him how important it was to protect himself against werewolves. Dream Remus himself had nearly been attacked as a child. That was enough proof of how dangerous the werewolves could be. They needed to be kept under control, and if locking them up was the only way to achieve that, Remus would do it for the good of the other young children who might have been in his position. It was the only way.

Remus woke with a start and immediately rolled so that he was hanging over the bed. Vomit splattered against the floor. When he was finished, he let himself hang there for a minute as his head cleared.

No one else had woken up from the commotion he'd created. With a quick wave of his wand, the mess was gone. He withdrew into the protection of his bed hangings, burying his head beneath the blankets.

The rest of the night was restless, with Remus drifting in and out of sleep for what felt like an eternity. He'd become convinced that morning would never come and, once it did, that he'd be incapable of getting out of bed. That was close to the truth in the end.

At some point, he had managed to fall deep enough into sleep that he hadn't heard his friends going about their usual morning routines.

When he woke, it was due to a very rude poke to his side. He groaned and rolled away from the touch, but the hand followed him, continuing to poke him. Remus swatted at it but missed, and he heard Sirius laugh.

"Leave me alone," Remus mumbled, pressing his face into his pillow in a failed attempt to block the sun from hitting the back of his eyelids. Sirius had opened the hangings of his bed, and a window was unfortunately placed on the wall behind his friend.

"What's up, Moony?"

Instead of heeding Remus' command, Sirius perched himself on the edge of the bed, letting the hangings fall shut behind him. Remus relaxed as the sun quit stinging his eyes.

"Nothing. I'm tired. I couldn't sleep."

Sirius was quiet for a moment, and Remus had almost drifted back to sleep before there was another poke at his side. WIth another groan, he swatted at Sirius' hand, this time making contact. But the swat did nothing but make Sirius laugh. If Remus had possessed more energy, he would have used it to push Sirius off the edge of the bed.

"This is how you get after full moons, but that was two weeks ago."

With a sigh, Remus opened his eyes to find Sirius hovering above him, his brow creased in concern.

"Where are James and Peter?" Remus asked.

"James had some Head Boy something or other, but I think he really just wanted to see Lily. Peter's at breakfast. The two of us are supposed to be following him once I get you out of bed. I'm starting to think that's not going to happen."

Remus stretched, feeling slightly more awake than he had moments earlier.

"What day is it?" he asked, head still foggy.

"Thursday. You have a free period first thing."

It was happiest thing Sirius could have said to him.

"Go on to breakfast," he said, cuddling deeper into his blankets. "I'll find you for Defense."

"Charms," Sirius said in amusement. "We have Charms after your free period."

Remus mumbled a rude response and got another poke in the side.

"Aren't you hungry?" Remus snapped, pulling his blankets up to his chin to protect himself from any further attacks.

"Not as much as I'm worried about you."

Remus opened his eyes again, raising one eyebrow.

"I'm just tired. What's wrong with wanting to sleep in?"

"Remus, you're entirely out of it if I can remember your class schedule but you can't. That's not normal for you. Except for the three days after the full moon, but like I said, that was two weeks ago. What happened?"

Remus sighed.

"Just a strange dream. It kept me up, but it was still just a dream. I'm a big boy. I'll be fine."

Sirius reclined against his headboard, crossing his legs at his ankles.

"And what happened in this dream?"

Remus couldn't have fallen back asleep easily no matter how hard he tried anymore, and he found himself keeping his eyes open, though he kept his gaze on Sirius' ankles, not his face, as he continued lying in the bed.

"I worked at the Ministry. I wasn't a werewolf, but I worked in the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures. Werewolves disgusted me. I wanted to see a woman locked in Azkaban for life because she dared to work at a daycare."

Sirius' hand found his hair and began playing with it. It wasn't something usual between them, but Remus found the gesture calming and couldn't bring himself to mention it for fear that Sirius might stop.

"And what happened yesterday?" Sirius asked.

Remus stiffened.

"What do you mean?"

"For once there weren't any attacks in the Prophet, so what happened that made you dream of something like that?"

Despite fully intending to tell his friends about Snape as he'd made his way back from the library the previous day, Sirius' announcement had given him the resolve not to. That had been such an important moment for Sirius, and if Remus revealed that something scary had happened to him that he hadn't immediately revealed because of Sirius coming out, Sirius would give himself a hard time for it. It was the last thing Remus wanted.

However, Sirius would also learn the truth eventually if Remus lied, and he felt too tired to even try.

"Snape and I found each other in the hallway. He said some things."

Sirius' hand in his hair paused. Remus was still staring towards Sirius' feet and refused to look up at making eye contact, even when Sirius gave a particularly hard tug on a lock of his hair.

"What things?" Sirius asked.

Remus pushed himself up, regretfully dislodging the hand from his hair.

"You're not allowed to go after him." He locked his gaze on Sirius, holding him there with the intensity of his gaze. "You're not getting punished over this."

Sirius stared back for a long moment before he gave a short, reluctant nod.

"It wasn't anything except what you'd expect. He mocked me not being able to find a job and pretty much admitted that he plans to join the Death Eaters. There were some things about werewolves being disposable tools for Voldemort who'll all be murdered once they're not needed."

Sirius' gaze turned murderous, and Remus reached out to shove him lightly, getting only a raised eyebrow in response.

"Nothing he said was new," Remus stressed. "I knew he thought all of it already. Let it go. I already have."

For a moment, Remus thought Sirius would argue with him, going against his wishes and going after Snape next time he saw him, but with a resigned sign, Sirius nodded.

"If that's what you want. Go ahead back to sleep. I'll come back to wake you before Charms."

Remus did just that, drifting off before Sirius was out of his bed.