A/N: Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates. This isn't as exciting as the last chapter, but please consider it a Christmas present anyway. Word count: 2,087

Chapter 19

Once You Reach a High, You Must Come Down

There was never a discussion of what he and Sirius were after their kiss, and for that, Remus was thankful. The years he'd spent avoiding relationships because of the potential disaster couldn't be shaken easily.

True, he'd expected that anyone he dated wouldn't know he was a werewolf, so Sirius was one step ahead in that regard. Remus had no secrets from him, but that was only the tip of the iceberg that was his worries. Sirius was a pureblood and held the potential to go far in life even with the war and despite being disowned by his parents.

Remus, on the other hand, would be penniless and unable to support himself, destined to be a drain on those around them. He knew that Sirius would disagree if he knew what Remus was thinking, and Remus had no desire to share the fears with anyone, but that didn't make them less real.

The fear made him grateful that he wasn't quite sure if Sirius was his boyfriend or just a friend with benefits. It didn't matter in the end; he knew what Sirius' feelings were despite the lack of a title. He wasn't sure why, then, calling him a boyfriend would have made it so much harder for him to accept. All he knew is it would have.

For all that worry, though, time spent with Sirius was the closest Remus came to forgetting about his hopeless future, and Sirius had finally stopped complaining about the time James and Peter spent with their girlfriends. But the end of Sirius' complaining didn't mean that Remus was free to study like he had once hoped for.

His study sessions with Lily were the only thing keeping him on top of his school work, as he couldn't let her down by missing a session, and she got genuine enjoyment out of explaining potions to him in simple terms, something Remus didn't understand. She should have been thinking of a career as a professor. Slughorn would be nearing retirement within a few years. She'd laughed off the suggestion when Remus had made it, but he still thought she should be first on Dumbledore's list.

Half the time, he and Lily were left alone in the library while Sirius and James distracted themselves in another part of the castle. The other half of the time, Sirius and James would join them, ostensibly to study, but that was never what they wound up doing.

The war never came up when it was just Remus and Sirius. During those times, the only focus was on what was happening with them in the moment.

That wasn't the case when James and Lily were there too. In those cases, there was little else his friends could talk about except the war.

"He's too arrogant," James said, keeping his voice low enough that Pince wouldn't storm over. "Everyone knows he's scared of Dumbledoreーhe should be since he took down Grindelwaldーbut he's still full of himself. Dumbledore will get him eventually, and that'll be the end of it."

Lily frowned at him.

"You make it sound like Dumbledore could walk up to him whenever he liked and end the war in a few minites. If it were that easy, he'd have done it by now."

"Well, You-Know-Who is a sneaky fellow, isn't he?" said Sirius. "He can hide, sure, but it's once he and Dumbledore come face-to-face that the real shit goes down."

Remus empathized with the frown on Lily's lips, but he didn't speak up as he tried block out their conversation and wrote his essay. He wished Sirius' hand on his knee was half as comforting as Sirius thought it was. The only thing it did was distract him.

"I don't think it'll be Dumbledore," Lily admitted in a whisper.

Remus looked up from his essay to stare at her. They were silent for a few moments as Lily blushed. The only change Remus could detect was Sirius' hand tightening on his knee.

"He's the most powerful wizard in the world," she continued. "But I feel like he's waiting for something, like he thinks it'll be someone else to take You-Know-Who down."

The boys let the idea simmer in their minds for a moment before Sirius spoke.

"You reckon Dumbledore feels too old for a second rendezvous with an evil wizard?"

Lily shrugged.

"It's not necessarily about Dumbledore being too old. I just don't think he'll be You-Know-Who's downfall. He doesn't seem to think so either."

"Maybe it'll be you, Lils."

Lily blushed at James' comment. He smirked as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I highly doubt it," she muttered.

"There'd be some poetic justice in that," Remus said. "You-Know-Who being taken down by a Muggleborn."

"I'm not a powerful enough witch to take on You-Know-Who."

The boys all laughed, earning glares from a red-faced Lily who swatted James on the shoulder.

"Just because you're not a second Dumbledore doesn't mean you're not powerful, love," James said, scooting closer to Lily and resting his arm on the back of her chair. "In a few months' time, we'll be out there, and I'm not naive enough to think you'll be hiding while the war's happening. You'll be out there fighting, and Merlin knows you'll make a name for yourself."

Lily squirmed, tugging at her tie.

"I don't know if I want to make a name for myself in a war."

"Not like we have much choice, is there?" Sirius asked. "It's the only one any of us are going to make a name for ourselves. No one's looking at the witches and wizards sitting around studying theoretical Transfiguration when there's a war going on."

Remus shuttered, and Sirius hand slipped higher to squeeze his thigh before he removed it entirely to wrap his arm around Remus' shoulders. The embrace wasn't as close as Remus would have like due to the less than comfortable library chairs they occupied, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"I'll do what I have to," Lily said quietly. "But I'm not a hero, and I don't ever want to be."

"I wish we could decide that, but I'm not so sure we can," James said.

Remus chose that moment to ask Lily a homework question. No one called him out on it.

Curfew had long since passed in the castle, and in a turn of events that would seem strange to anyone with a passing knowledge of their Hogwarts careers, three of the four Marauders were safely tucked away in their dormitory.

They were supposed to be sleeping, but all three were very much awake.

"It's two in the morning," Sirius whispered just loud enough to be heard.

Remus, who had been watching the clock ticking on his nightstand, nodded even though he couldn't be seen. James sniggered from his bed.

"Go Wormtail. Who would have thought he'd be the one out with a girl all night? Not even I've managed that."

"You're dating the Head Girl," Remus pointed out with a roll of his eyes. "There's no way Lily would stay out this late with you. Maybe you'll have better luck after Hogwarts."

"Where are they even at?" James asked, ignoring Remus' jarbs. "The castle's drafty enough during the day. They must be freezing."

Sirius laughed.

"I'm sure they've found plenty of ways to stay warm. I'm almost jealous of them."

"Why?" James asked with genuine curiosity. "You get to use our dormitory. I'd kill for freedom like that."

Sirius smirked as he answered.

"You know that our steps don't turn into a ramp for your girlfriend, right? Only the other way around?"

James stared at the canopy of his bed without answering. Remus couldn't help but snigger along with Sirius at the stunned look on their friend's face. Remus made a mental note to be more careful the next time he entered their room.

"Really though," Sirius said, hitting his fists against his mattress. "Where do you think Wormtail and Sandra have gone off to?"

"Who the hell knows?" Remus groaned. "And who really cares?"

The lack of sleep was catching up with him and quickly overcoming what curiosity he'd had when they'd started keeping vigil.

Sirius lifted his head from his pillow to smirk at Remus, who tried to ignore the way his heart sped up at the look. He turned to his side, away from Sirius, under the pretense of finally going to sleep. A few moments later, Sirius slid into his bed, fitting himself against Remus' back and placing a kiss to his cheek.

"Get some sleep, Moony. Prongs and I will tell you everything that happened in the morning."

James snorted from his bed. Remus glanced over to see that he'd pulled his sheets up to his chin.

"Yeah right, Padfoot. He's not coming back anytime soon, and I want to sleep too. I think we should all find out in the morning."

Remus' eyes had fluttered closed when he felt Sirius stiffen. He blinked his eyes open again and turned his head to see Sirius' frown.

"You both sleep then," he said. "I'll stay awake and wait."

Remus shifted until he was facing Sirius again.

"What's wrong?"

He poked at Sirius' stomach under the covers before pulling him closer. Sirius shook his head.

"It's nothing," he said, putting on a pathetic attempt at a smile. "I'm just curious is all. Wormtail's never dated anyone before, and here he is staying out at all hours with a girl."

Remus looked over Sirius' shoulder to share a look with James. Despite the darkness, they both knew what the other was thinking.

"They're either snogging or having sex," James said with a shrug. "It's kind of amusing that he's out so late, but right now, I'm more interested in sleep than what Wormtail gets up to with girls."

Sirius' lips tightened. The way he wouldn't look Remus in the eye was beginning to make Remus nervous.

"I'm not worried about Wormtail's love life," he said. "But, like, he's been weird lately, right?"

The uncertainty in Sirius' voice when he asked the question made Remus tighten his grip on his waist briefly before stroking his fingers over the skin there.

"Peter?" James asked, sitting up and moving to sit on the edge of his bed where he could look at them easily. "Weird in what way?"

Sirius sighed.

"If I'm the only one who noticed, maybe it's nothing."

"What is it?" Remus pressed. "If you're worried, tell us."

Sirius hesitated for another second before speaking.

"Peter's started changing since he began dating Sandra."

"Well, yeah," James began with a slight laugh. "He's got more confident, hasn't he?"

"I guess," Sirius said, voice wavering. "But that's not what I meant. We never talk to him anymore."

"Course we do," James began before Remus cut him off, looking only at Sirius.

"Weren't you just complaining the other day about how much time James spends with Lily?"

"You were?" James asked with a furrowed brow, Peter momentarily forgotten.

Sirius waved off James' show of concern.

"This is different. James may spend a lot of time with Lily, but we spend just as much time together."

He motioned between himself and Remus, almost as if James weren't in the conversation.

"We never talk to Sandra," he continued. "And Peter sits beside us at meals or in class, but that's the only time we see him anymore."

Remus had to struggle to think back to a time in the recent past when Peter had spent time with them when it wasn't in the Great Hall or a classroom, and the only thing he could think of was the full moon.

"I guess I was so caught up in studying and," he thought about Sirius, his cheeks warming, "everything else that I didn't stop to think about it."

"Me either," James admitted. "Besides, Sandra's not in our house like Lily is, so I figured she wouldn't hang out with us."

"I resent the implication that only Gryffindors would want to be friends with my gorgeous self," Sirius said, motioning down the length of his body.

"He's just infatuated," Remus asserted, doing his best not to let his eyes follow Sirius' gesture. "I mean, he's dating the most popular girl in school. They'll come down from their high eventually, and everything will be the same as usual."

Sirius nodded just like James did, but none of them were smiling anymore.

They were all asleep before Peter came back.