AN: I do not own FMA. Also, this takes place after the Promised Day but before Roy makes the deal with Dr. Marco to get his sight back, which is the reason why I make some of the references I do in this chapter. Anyways, Enjoy!
It never ceased to amaze Roy Mustang just how calm things can be after a catastrophe.
Take this night, for example. This was the night after the Promised Day, an event that was undoubtedly one of the most hellish experiences Roy had ever gone through. Despite all of the terror and bloodshed that daylight had brought, it was with the arrival of night that a strange, nearly peaceful feeling was gained. It was a deceptive type of peace, however, a peace that suggested that the entire day had been just like the night, that everything had been right with the world on this day.
Roy knew that wasn't the case. The day hadn't been peaceful at all. He had the eternal dark clouding his vision to prove it.
The memories of how he had ended up that way are still scarily vivid in his mind. He remembers being placed upon the transmutation circle by Pride and Wrath, the blue light working in a frenzy around him, the utter pain that shot through his body. He remembers that stark white place, that white figure with the large, macabre smile. He remembers the doorway behind this figure, a pattern etched onto it that Roy had seen before, for the same pattern was etched on the skin of the one person he holds the closest to him, the one person he can't afford to lose. Then, he remembers being pushed into the darkness that was still holding him captive. These memories, though, weren't the only ones that made his heart rate increase and made him nearly sick with re-imagined worry.
The other memories from this day are that of what happened to Riza Hawkeye.
He remembers seeing her fall after her neck was slit, her ruby blood spilling onto the floor. He remembers her eyes, strong and determined to send him an unspoken message but also dull and fragile, like she was barely hanging onto her consciousness. He remembers his thoughts as he ran to her, worry and panic mixing together perfectly.
'Please, don't die, Riza, please still be alive. You can't leave before I do, I need you, don't you know that? Please please PLEASE stay with me!'
He remembers the flood of pure relief that filled his chest as he held Riza in his arms, burying his face in her hair before thanking May Chang for performing the alkahestry that had saved Riza's life. What he remembers the clearest is her voice after she had opened her eyes.
"You understood my eye signals. I don't know how you did...but I'm glad."
He remembers this because of what he had wanted to say to her in reply, what response his mind had already formed.
'Of course I understood them, Riza. I love you, after all.'
He couldn't say that, though. Not now, not here. Instead, he went for the other response he had formed, one that was also true and one that he could say in that situation.
"We've been together a long time. I know that glare. It means 'Use human transmutation and I'll shoot you.'"
Roy smiled slightly as this memory. That was the one that always brought him back to reality, the one that reminded him that Riza was OK, that she was in the same hospital room as him, sleeping in a bed not too far away from his own.
The one thing about remembering these events, however, is that it only enhanced Roy's desire to see her again. If, by some miracle, he was given the opportunity to regain his sight, he would jump at it. It wouldn't just be for his own selfish desires, of course; even with the Hawk's Eyes to help him, he couldn't be a very effective leader if he was blind. Still, he'd be the first to admit that the chance to once again see Riza's warm, rare smiles, to see her beautiful, kind eyes, to just see her beauty in general, would be one of his top motives to regaining his sight.
Roy sighed quietly, hoping his sudden sound wouldn't wake Riza from the sleep she needed. He knew that the strength of his desire would fade over time. It most likely would never fully go away, no matter how well-adjusted he got to being without his sight, but it wouldn't be so heavy on his mind as it was now. That didn't stop him, however, from feeling just the slightest bit defeated about it now, while he was still thinking about it.
That was the thing about being blinded: in order to make new memories, you have to rely heavily on the older ones.
Unfortunately for Roy, many of his older memories are of things he'd much rather forget.
AN: This chapter really broke my heart to write. It's just...ALL HE WANTS IS TO SEE HER AGAIN. ;.;
Second verse, same as the first: Reviews would be liked!