Reparations

Walking in to June's the next morning, Peter tried to shake the remnants of his nightmares off. His imagination had conjured all sorts of horrible ways his intended conversation could go badly which didn't make for an encouraging way to start the day.

Greeting June as he walked up, Peter asked about how Neal's evening went. The news wasn't favorable. He had spent it alone in his room moping about and refusing even June's company.

"This is my fault. I blamed him for the theft of the treasure… and then everything that has happened since certainly hasn't helped." Peter lamented.

Endeavoring to encourage him, June left him on the landing sending him on to Neal's apartment alone. "You two need to talk. I'll have breakfast sent up to the balcony within the hour so don't let him use cooking as a distraction."

Thanking her for her kind efforts, Peter agreed to the plan before continuing on his way.

Knocking quietly, Peter didn't want to give Neal the chance to send him away. They needed this talk, whether Neal liked it or not.

Opening the door to let himself in, Peter took a cursory look around. The space seemed the same, and yet so different. With Neal's reveal of his agent identity, the place had a few small additions of personal items, folders of other agency work piled on the table, and the rumor of a secret safe being installed to keep his badge and service weapon on site. Despite his reveal, June had allowed him to make the necessary alterations and permitted him to remain in the loft. She had a few reservations of an agent, but no qualms about him as a person.

The presence of a half-empty bottle and two glasses in the sink was a good indicator as well. Although Peter hadn't seen the little guy, he was glad the man had stuck around.

Pausing in his snooping, Peter realized that Mozzie had likely known Neal's secret for some time, if not all along. There hadn't been any sudden appearances with rants about Neal's reveal, he had mentioned his connection to other friends when he interviewed Peter in prison, and he had been supporting Neal through all of this when the others couldn't get close enough.

Smiling slightly with the certainty, Peter was glad Neal hadn't been left without support through the recent ordeals; he just wished he had personally played a happier role in aiding with that support.

That brought him to the corner where he could view the bed.

Neal was still stretched out on the bed wearing pajama pants and a tee shirt. He appeared to be asleep, but the messy state his blankets were in didn't tell a happy story. Clearly, his night had been restless and he probably wasn't going to be happy with the intrusion.

Breathing deeply, Peter walked over to the bed and started reaching his hand out towards Neal's shoulder but stopped when the man started speaking.

"That wasn't supposed to be out loud, let alone in Peter's presence. He isn't happy with me at the moment, is he? Why couldn't I keep my big mouth shut?" Neal shifted in his dream like he was trying to avoid someone's response. "I don't care that I've been tortured. It isn't like it's the first time, and I'm trained to handle things like this. I could have kept my mouth shut if I knew he was actually standing in front of me so it wasn't all accountable to the drugs."

Dropping his hand, Peter tried to place what Neal was talking about. Then he remembered when he had found Neal. The kid had said some hurtful things about him. Did that mean he hadn't been aware of his presence otherwise he would have kept his pain to himself? Or did he mean he hadn't been able to control the pain so he said it despite his wish to hide it from Peter?

Rolling over, Neal moved away from Peter and must have changed his dream, because his words changed.

"Do I have to scream it at you… what is it going to take for you to hear me, Peter? Am I really such a bad person that you so easily believe I would steal a treasure, withhold it despite the danger to El, and on top of that, run? Why can't you believe the simple truth that I never stole the reassure?" Neal's voice was solid like he'd thought about the words a lot.

Beginning to chicken out, Peter pulled the transfer form out of his pocket and stuck the note on top of it. He was trying to apologize and explain… but hearing what Neal was saying in his sleep made him afraid to talk to him directly.

"I know the note says it, and you deserve to hear it from me… but it's hard to talk to you after everything I've done to you." Reaching down to put his hand on Neal's hair, Peter shifted his finger lightly to avoid disturbing the sleeping man.

Turning to walk away, Peter tried to blink back the spreading tears in his eyes. He took a step away when he felt his hand get caught by another's.

"Peter…" Neal's voice was surprised and sleepy. "What are you doing here?"

"Yesterday, at the office, you said you were only a con here and that's all you would ever be. That isn't true." Peter twitched his fingers not sure why Neal was still holding him in place by his hand. "The transfer form isn't for me. It's for you."

"Do you think I need your permission to change teams? I'm an undercover agent, Peter. I would simply need to set things up with Washington." Neal sounded more awake although his tone had shifted to confusion.

"No, I know you don't need my permission. However, you suggested our partnership and I accepted, considering the circumstances, it only seems fitting that I give you the choice of whether you want to continue with it or not." His voice was starting to shake, but Peter refused to let his emotions get the better of him. Neal deserved to hear this, and he wasn't going to give the man reason to send him away now that they were finally talking.

"What circumstances?" Neal sounded genuinely confused.

"You can't seriously be asking me that question…" Peter wanted to be angry and started to get a growl to his voice, but then he deflated on a breath. Maybe Neal was trying to torment him by making him state his crimes.

"Yes, I can. What circumstances?" Neal got a bit of an angry tone to his voice like he was rising to a bait Peter hadn't intended to set.

"All of the circumstances. When the piece of that painting landed at my feet… I only initially picked it up out of curiosity. What was it? Then I saw the details and placed it as being identical to your painting. It felt like you had stuck a knife in my heart and I immediately jumped to the conclusion that you had stolen the treasure. I was so angry… for months. When Elizabeth was taken I felt like you had utterly betrayed me and I couldn't handle the pain that caused so I pushed you away. And, you're right, I didn't look for you, at all. Like I've said before, roadblocks and wanted posters are nothing against your skills, simply the barest minimum of the protocol." Peter shuttered as he remembered that pain and anger, it had been overwhelming. "When I opened that box, it felt like I had opened your coffin unaware. You looked so pale and sill! But, then it turned into a twisted nightmare as you turned to me and said those things… asked me to kill you. It might not have been my hand inducing that, but it was me that tortured you through all of this. Ever since you've been back you've kept your distance from me, reacted like I was going to hurt you, and you said I only pretended to care about you." His voice dropped to a whisper by the end. The words were playing through his mind, but he couldn't bare Neal confirming them.

Going silent, not even breathing for a moment, Neal didn't seem to have expected that. "You think I hate you, don't you?

"Why wouldn't you? I turned my back on you, sent you back to jail for a crime you didn't commit, left you unprotected which allowed them to… Which allowed him to hurt you in more ways than I can begin to cover. It was all my fault, I'm the one who betrayed my partner, friend, the little brother I never had, and…" With a shaking voice, Peter fought to keep the tears from running over. The action was reflected in his voice and sagging body language. "I don't want to hurt you anymore!"

Yanking his hand, Neal caused him to shift before pulling hard enough to force him to turn around.

Looking away from Neal's searching eyes, Peter was fighting himself in a losing battle. Being forced to face Neal while his emotions were running so high left him feeling awkward; so he shifted on his feet not knowing how to handle the situation.

"I don't hate you, okay?" Neal spoke softly, trying to provide comfort to Peter's guilt. "I'm sorry this has hurt you so much." He pulled Peter towards the bed as he got up making the agent sit next to him.

Breathing and clearing his voice, Peter tried not to sound quite as emotional. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me."

"Yes, I should. You did hurt me, and we're going to have to talk about that, but I've also hurt you through this… a lot apparently." Neal was shifting into a narrative mode.

"Not…" Peter started to talk, but Neal interrupted.

"Stop it, Peter!" His voice was louder, drowning out Peter's efforts to take the blame. "You don't know my side of the situation, so let me tell you why I owe you an apology!"

Nodding, Peter let him continued.

"First, like I was saying, you did hurt me with your accusations and by turning your back on me, but you also helped my role. Kieran has been looking for a means to punish me ever since I escaped prison and made my deal with you, really, probably since I went after Kate and let you arrest me. When I did that, I wasn't behaving like the malleable con I was supposed to be, and they saw it as a loss in profits. You played your role so they didn't suspect anything of me and made the takedown easier. Besides, if I had actually stolen the treasure and withheld it, I would have been betraying our friendship and your efforts." Neal was still holding Peter's hand while staring out across the room as he recounted the story.

"But you didn't." Peter extended his forgiveness before falling quiet at Neal's reprimanding glance.

"My point is that it would have been an unforgivable slap to your face if I had done what it looked like I had done, so I wouldn't blame you for hating me. Why I'm sorry about my words when you opened the box, is because it wasn't nice to rub your naivety in your face. I've known about Kieran since he was my handler and this situation is one of the reasons I'm assigned to play Caffrey. You didn't know anything about this before you opened the box and the events that unfolded afterward." Neal squeezed his hand trying to extend comfort. "I also played up some of my reactions for Kieran's benefit. Things would have been worse if he knew I was an agent before he had walked into the trap."

"Now you're apologizing for things you didn't do." Peter squeezed Neal's hand back grateful for Neal's words and understanding, even if he was still having trouble wrapping his head around it. "You didn't steal the treasure, withhold it, or run, so there is no need to apologize for those actions. As for your drugged ramblings, you were drugged, it wasn't your fault, and even then, you only said what would be understandable based on the situation. You don't owe me any kind of apology, because I owe you more than you could possibly owe me." Their roles were reversed as Neal tried to contradict him.

Holding his free hand up, Peter stalled Neal's efforts. "No, Neal. I do owe you a huge apology. You dealt with my false accusations, we both know you would have done everything possible to protect El if you had been given a chance, you refused to run in order to not let me down, and you took torture for an extended period of time about something you didn't do. To make it worse, the torture was done by someone who both looks and sounds like me, someone who tried to make you believe I not only condoned the action but personally tortured you! How could I not apologize for that?" Turning his head away, Peter had failed to prevent it and the tears were flowing down his face.

Feeling a touch on his arm, he turned back to Neal. The tough FBI agent didn't want to be seen crying and was trying to bury his emotions, but as a friend, he knew Neal needed to know he really did care as much as he showed, more actually.

"Peter, I knew it wasn't you torturing me and I've always known you don't condone that kind of treatment in any circumstances. This wasn't the first time I've been put through this, but it was the first time it was a face similar to a friend. It could have been worse, but I did lose some sense at times, like when you opened the lid. The drugs caused my mind to cross your face and blur you and Kieran into two sides of the same person. I didn't know it was you, I thought it was Kieran playing a role so I reacted the part of a drugged victim." Releasing Peter's hand, Neal shifted to holding his shoulder. "I wish you didn't have to see me like that. Those times where the drugs caused my mind to blur the lines or the stress caused the nightmares to seem real. It may take a while for me to put this fully behind me, and I apologize for all of this, but I don't blame you for what Kieran did."

"You may have played a part for some of what you said, but you once told me the best con came from a place of truth. I genuinely hurt you with my distrust and nearly cost you your life by throwing you away. For that, I can never be sorry enough." Peter shifted his arm to wrap it around the back of Neal's shoulders.

"It sounds to me like we've reached a stalemate. So, how about this? I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth for the sake of the operation which led me to play up your similarities to Kieran and hurt you a great deal. You're sorry you didn't trust me when I told you the truth and utterly regret throwing me away to them before turning your back on me completely. We both hurt each other, we're both sorry for it, although we still need to heal from the effects of what happened, we can at least help each other through it. Each of us is carrying around a load of guilt we aren't ready to unload which is keeping the emotions raw, but we're going to have to work past it." Neal stated.

Leaning into Neal, Peter hugged him from the side. An action Neal returned.

After a few moments of enjoying the comfort of the other's support, Peter pointed to the nightstand. "Then you might want to dispose of the transfer from.

Reaching out in frustration, Neal wadded it up and threw it at Peter. "Stop trying to get rid of me." His words hurt, but the playful tone and way he threw the paper wad without heat helped reduce the sting.

Almost smiling, Peter stepped away from the bed only to be distracted by the site of the maid preparing breakfast out on the balcony. "June said she would have breakfast sent up shortly."

"I should probably get up then." Neal moved to stand and stretch beside Peter.

Hearing him get up, Peter turned and silently watched him stretch while looking him over. Neal really was physically healthy. The injuries had healed and he couldn't tell he had been tortured. Unable to resist it, Peter pulled him into a hug and wrapped his arms tightly around the man. "I've wanted to hug you and know you were okay ever since I opened that stupid contraption to find you dying inside."

Smiling as he released some of his pain, Neal hugged Peter back just as tightly. "I couldn't have tolerated it then due to the drugs, but I hoped you would get around to it at some point. I've missed our friendship."

Breaking the hug after a few moments, Peter kept his hands on his shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere if you aren't. What do you say we go tackle this breakfast June has sent up?"

"I'm glad because I'm not going anywhere either." Neal smiled with it reaching all the way into his eyes. He was genuinely glad for their conversation and meant every word. "It would be nice for everything to resume a level or normal."

"So…" He started the conversation as he threw an arm across Peter's shoulders for them to walk out to breakfast. "How was the anklet?"

Laughing, Peter felt the best he had in months.

Thank you, everyone, for reading, reviewing, and leaving kudos :D