I do not own FMA. Enjoy!
Riza Hawkeye has never feared dying. She assumes it's a symptom of the events of her life, from her mother dying when Riza was only seven (an event which forced her to come to terms with just how impermanent life really is at a younger age than most) to the many heinous things she did in Ishval (things that made the idea of her death not only more tangible and inevitable but also extremely justified), that made Riza become practically desensitized to death. One would think her fearlessness of the afterlife would make her reckless but it actually has the opposite effect, making her more cautious. After all, while she isn't afraid to die, she certainly doesn't want to face it before she has to.
If there is, however, an aspect of death that scares Riza to no end, it would be the possibility of her dying alone.
With her, the phrase doesn't mean that she is afraid of dying without ever having married someone. No, with her, it's meant to be taken just as it looks- she's afraid of dying by herself.
She knows it's a selfish fear for her to have, especially considering the fact that so many of the people she's killed in the past have died exactly like that. That fact is probably what bolsters her fear in the first place, another case of her mind punishing her for Ishval. It's her mind that periodically sends her back to those wargrounds while she's sleeping, the suffocating heat and sounds of war all around her. In these nightmares, it's never long before she's shot from behind, usually multiple times and always right in the chest. In these dreams, no one comes to her, no one finds her. She lies there by herself, watching her own blood pool around her, feeling the pain become greater and greater as each breath becomes more of a struggle. Only on her "lucky" nights does she wake up before her body gives out, her heart stopping and eyes glazing over. Most night, it's only after her imagined death that she wakes up with a jolt, her whole body trembling as she tries to catch her breath and wipe away the tears streaming down her face.
For years, both her fear and her nightmare were her secrets, things that she made sure no one knew about and no one saw. It wasn't until one night, a night she happened to spend with a certain Flame Alchemist, that her secret became known, if only by one other person.
It was during her nightmare that night that events deviated from the normal. Instead of hearing only the sounds of fighting and clamor around her, she heard a voice, his voice, calling out for her. She tried to stay alive for him, wanting so desperately for him to be the last thing she saw before she died and not just the sky above her. As his voice got closer, however, everything started to play out as normal, except this time the last thing she heard was Roy calling her name and not just the sounds of gunshots filling at air.
When she awoke with a start this time around, she found herself face to face with Roy, a concerned look on his face and a gentle hand on her shoulder. Slowly, she sat up, trying to calm her breathing. She felt Roy's arms wrap around her waist, gently pulling her up against his chest. The two sat in silence for a while, the only movement coming from Roy either wiping away a stray tear from Riza's cheek or softly kissing the back of her head. Finally, when Riza felt she had gotten herself under control, she turned around in Roy's arms, putting her hands on the back of his neck and giving him a short yet tender kiss.
"You OK?" Roy whispered when they broke apart, his tone holding the concern his eyes still head.
Riza nodded, giving him a small smile in an attempt to ease his apprehension.
"I'm OK. It was...just a nightmare. I'll be fine."
"Do you wanna talk about it? It might help you feel better."
After a moment of hesitation, Riza sighed, resting her head on the hollow of Roy's neck. His hands traveled from her waist to her back, rubbing it lightly to encourage her.
"It was about Ishval," Riza murmured. "I...I got shot. Normally, in those kinds of dreams, I just lie there...it's not until I die that I wake up but...you were there this time. I could hear you calling for me. I tried to stay alive but..." Riza's sentence broke off with a shaky breath, trying to keep herself calm from the memory of it. Roy's hand moved to her hair, stroking it gently to try and comfort her. After a moment, Riza spoke again, her voice stronger.
"Roy, can you please promise me something?"
"Of course."
"Just promise me that...if you can...you won't let me die by myself. It's selfish, I know, but...just the idea of it terrifies me."
Roy gave her a small kiss on the temple and slowly started to lay back down, taking her with him.
"I promise, Riza. Whenever that time comes, I promise you won't be alone. I'll be right there with you. I'll make sure of it."
"Thank you," Riza breathed, her nerves finally fully at ease for the first time since she woke up. She drowsily curled herself up on Roy's chest, her exhaustion finally hitting her full force. She was already half asleep when she heard Roy's voice again, soft and sweet.
"Don't worry, Riza. I don't plan on leaving you alone anytime soon. I'll always be right here."
Riza smiled when she felt a pair of lips on her forehead, her heart skipping a beat when she heard him murmur one last thing before falling back asleep.
"Until we get married, that promise will be our 'till death do us part'."
I'm not sure if this is fluffy, sad, or both...just consider it a merging of the two common emotions from the last two chapters, I guess! Also, can someone please let me know if I'm using the correct form of "lie" and "lay" in this chapter? Thanks!