It's time for comedy hour! Omake chapter!

A/N 1: When someone mentions an amount in Ryo, assume 10 Ryo ≈ 1$. In other words, nock off one zero and they're dollars.

A/N 2: If this chapter seems different, of poorer quality, or simply more crack-tastic, I blame the fact it was almost entirely written during a period of Ritalin withdrawal.

OOOOOO

After the long day meeting with the other teams, Sasuke wanted nothing more than a soak in a hot tub of water. Maybe read a chapter of the adventure book he had started while the water grew cold. But before they split up, Naruto had flashed him a pair of hand signs. While normally Sasuke would ignore most anything Naruto had to say after team time was over, one sign the blond gave intrigued him.

Literally, it meant 'poison', but most people used it as slang for alcohol. The other was 'slow fallback'.

So, when the teams went their ways, Sasuke followed the command and traveled home much slower than usual, waiting for the blond to catch up. He hadn't needed to wait long. Naruto walked up with his usual energy and slung an arm around Sasuke's neck.

Sasuke successfully fought the urge to peel it off, at least until he knew what this was about. He opened bluntly.

"What's this about?"

"You need some fun in your life!"

Sasuke looked dubiously at the blond a moment, before he tried ducking the arm; Naruto had a good grip however, if he didn't want to cause a scene walking down the road in public, he'd have to get the fool to let him go voluntarily.

Naruto smiled as Sasuke stopped fighting his friendly death-grip, and elaborated. "I've scouted a bar where I think we'll be able to get in."

"… I'm listening…" Sasuke wasn't fooling anyone with his nonchalance; Naruto had his undivided attention.

Naruto smiled. "I thought you might. It's in a crappy part of town, but unlike the Bunch of Grapes, it looks worse on the inside than the outside. And let me tell you, the outside don't look good. Apparently, it's too poor to hire a ninja bouncer, so they won't be able to see through a henge."

"Have I ever told you how much I've always looked up to you, Naruto?"

"Aw shucks, that's just the spirit of future spirits making you say that," Naruto chuckled at his witticism, letting go of the death grip. "How much money you got on you? I've got a hundred Ryo I can spend, but I don't want to buy what they consider cheap stuff, it's probably wood grain crap."

Sasuke nodded, letting Naruto's arm stay there. "I'll have to stop by home, I rarely keep much on me. I can get a hold of enough though. Oh, we should eat on our own elsewhere if it looks that seedy."

"Good point."

"Where should we meet?"

Naruto gave an address, "That isn't it, but the bar's near there. Meet me in 45 minutes?"

"Hai."

oooooo

The boys met up again. They were sanitary, but neither of them was well groomed. Besides the fact they'd be hiding behind a henge all night, the teens weren't stupid enough to wear good clothing when they could end up puking all over themselves. They had been taught better to than expect themselves to have high tolerances to drink.

While alcohol wasn't sold to minors, the academy knew ninja might need to partake while under cover, or for several other reasons while 'on the clock'. In some countries, for example, it was customary to seal a contract with a drink. Regardless, the curriculum spent a surprising amount of time on the subject of alcohol, tobacco, and a few common drugs. In a sense, they were the most commonly used poisons in the world, and it would be hard to overestimate the value of understanding their effects. It was common sense as well, since young ninja were much more likely to be able to get ahold of such things than civilian teens, and besides, ninja tend to pick up vices like a whore picks up STDs (the prevention of which was another subject well covered. There was usually a contest among sensei to see who could get the most students to throw up during the color projection portion of the content.)

Sasuke was leaning on a lamppost when Naruto arrived. They nodded in greeting, and Naruto gestured towards a dark alley. The two wandered in, walking around a few bums. There were crates lined with foam and newspaper, the lowest of the low living in them. Sasuke was wary, never having seen anything like it. Naruto looked uneasy himself, he had explored practically all of Konoha but rarely ventured around here.

In Konoha's defense, the civilian side of the government had done pretty well in the fight against poverty. While this area was a cess-pit of a slum, Naruto knew this was pretty much the only one in the whole city-state. Considering how easy homeless had it here compared to some other hidden villages, especially during winter, Konoha had an impressively low homeless population. The land of Fire had a strong economy, tied to what was currently the top hidden village. There were jobs for most everyone.

As the duo stepped over broken bottles and kicked at the occasional bold rat, they transformed into their chosen forms. Naruto emerged from the alley appearing as a middle aged man, somewhat muscled, appearing as if he had just left a hard day digging a ditch, or some other physical task. Sasuke took a slightly different path to obscurity, appearing as a mix of features from several of the bums they had passed, wearing mostly clean but very worn clothing. They stopped and checked each other automatically as they were trained, and signaled the disguises were acceptable.

Sasuke could see the bar now. Naruto hadn't been exaggerating; it looked awful from here. They headed for it, discreetly looking around at the locals, not that there were many. Two women were walking together, trying to be invisible. That was the total foot traffic. There were a few bums sitting around with bottles. There was a woman of negotiable morals on the corner, who probably looked twice her actual age.

The two adventuring teens stood at the threshold of the bar now, and wasted no time staring at the sign. It wasn't even a proper name, it was simply the word 'Booze' painted on a wooden sign near the door.

As they entered, the atmosphere seemed dark, and it stank of beer and urine. Not the place you went for a fun Saturday night, this was where you came to get drunk as fast as possible for the least amount of money. Some of the drinkers looked up at the strangers, but most didn't even care. Eyes adjusting to the gloom, they noticed a ninja on the far side of the bar, reading a book while sipping a drink. Knowing trouble would follow if they were caught, the teens dumped themselves on the barstools, leaving plenty of space between them and the older ninja.

"You got rum?" Naruto asked, putting some coin on the bar. He tried imitating some of the men that lived in his condo, all low class laborers. No one else would live in such a crummy building.

The bartender didn't blink, just swept away the coins and put down a wood flagon. He grabbed a jug and poured. Turning to Sasuke, he spoke. "What'll you have?"

Sasuke looked around the room. He shrugged and put down some more coins. "Your good beer. Bottled. Keep it coming."

The barman counted the pile quickly into his hand and nodded, going into a room behind the bar. He returned with a bottle, slightly chilled, and popped off the lid.

"Wanna glass?"

Sasuke half glared at the barman, who grunted in response, and walked down to fill another patron's glass.

Naruto raised his flagon, and Sasuke knocked his bottle against it gently. Smiling, they drank. Both were able to prevent grimaces from escaping, but only just.

The barman glanced at his watch, and turned on a battered radio, already tuned to the sports channel. Tonight there seemed to be a big Sumo wrestling match in the port city Monbetsu.

A few patrons perked up at the commentary, there would be several matches before the district title match. Some were making small wagers on the outcome. Naruto and Sasuke focused on drinking.

oooooo

"Woot!" Naruto shouted, banging the cup against the bar. A few patrons cheered, as money changed hands.

It was some time later, and both Sasuke and Naruto had had a few. The rest of the publicans seemed lively now that there was sport to entertain them, and one of the smaller matches had just been finished in an upset.

Naruto held out his hand and Sasuke dropped enough Ryo to cover the blond's next drink.

"So… I've been thinking… next we need to get into a strip club," Sasuke said, with some difficulty.

"Man, great minds… think the same. I was just saying that the other day. Only problem is, can't figure out how to get in," Naruto admitted.

"Come on, you can't figure out how to get in? I thought you were the man when it came to thish shtuff."

"I am the man! The man with the plan! … Just not this time. Tough security, they all… hire off duty chunin as bouncers, you know?"

"Well what're we gonna do then? I have a biolog… bio… biological need to see some titties, man."

"Dude, I can't believe you said titties! I knew some brews would loosen you up! We're gonna hafta do this regularly."

"Yeah that's great Naruto, but the breasts, man, the breasts are calling. Can't you hear them?"

"Um, not really, what do they sound like?"

"They sound like I'm motor-boating them, duh!"

"Huh, nope, can't hear them. Still, we need to get in somehow…"

The ninja on the far side of the bar got up and walked over, sitting next to Naruto.

"Guys, I know this is your first time, but you really need to be more discreet."

"Crap! We've been discovered Princess! Every ninja for themselves!" Naruto tried to get up, but the older ninja shoved him back down.

"Calm down boys; why would I rat on you? I'd only bring attention to this bar and myself."

"Huh? Wait… henge… Tenten?" Sasuke asked, confused.

"Why are you calling me a girl's name? Aren't you in enough trouble already?"

Naruto looked at the older ninja more closely. "Huh, he does slouch like Tenten. Wait a second, that's my book! Good job Princess!"

"Damn, I didn't realize my body language was that noticeable," Tenten mumbled, confirming her identity as she put away the sealing book in a pocket.

"Probably only to a Jonin. Or Sasuke, he's a bundle of hormones apparently, probably checking out all the ladies," Naruto babbled.

"Shut up Naruto, I think you'ze had enough!" Sasuke accused.

Tenten chuckled. "I could hear plenty; unlike you two, I pace myself. As to your problem, it doesn't sound like you're getting in without someone knowing. Maybe a bribe?"

"You're cool, Tenten. I wish most girls would help a fella sneak into a strip joint. You'd never hear Sakura use her head on something like this," Naruto complimented.

Sasuke ignored the tangent Naruto made, "I dunno, it would have to be a large bribe, and then what would we stuff in their underwear?"

"You do know there's male strippers, right Naruto? I'd quite like you to find a solution; then I could beat it out of you and see the 'Stud Ranch and Rodeo' place over in the east district. Anyway, good luck guys, but I'm calling it a night. I suggest you do too. You should be able to get home before you pass out if you quit now. Who knows, maybe in the morning you'll have an epiphany, and sneak in as easy as if you were invited?"

The older genin nodded to the barman, and sashayed out the door in a disturbing way considering she looked like a bearded man.

"Maybe she's right," Sasuke asserted.

"I dunno, male strippers? I guess it makes sense, but it sounds weird to me."

"No, dobe. We ought to quit while we can still get home. Do you want to be unconscious in this neighborhood?"

Naruto considered that seriously for a few moments. "Yo barkeep, how much do we owe you?"

"I owe you both another drink, you've been paying as you go… maybe you two ought to go home, your parents are probably worried."

"Man, were we that transparent?"

"Most ninja try this sooner or later. I'll keep the rest as a tip, and you're welcome back as long as you don't make a ruckus. Go home."

Naruto shrugged. "Fair enough. Away we go… Dude, can I crash on your sofa?"

"Ugh- why; and why should I let you?"

"Because your place is a lot closer, and cuz I'm the one who found the bar, and cuz I'm gonna be the… the man with the wossname… plan. To let you motorboat."

"I must be drunk, that apper… apprees… appears to be reasonable logic."

"I know, right?"

The two exited the bar and let the cool air hit them. Slightly recovered, they made their way back to the Uchiha complex. At some point, singing was attempted.

"A wizard's staff has a knob on the end, knob on the end, knob on the end
A wizard's staff has a knob on the ennndddd!
What he does with it is magic!

A wizard's staff has a knob on the end
And runes run up the shaft
It's long and proud and stiff and loud
It's the pride of wizardcraft…"

The less said about that the better perhaps. But they were able to make it to Sasuke's and get inside without passing out.

oooooo

It was a new day. Sasuke's alarm went off, managing to awaken the duo despite it being upstairs.

"Oh sweet kami, stop that noise," came Sasuke's muffled voice from the vicinity of the floor.

"Ungh, it's your house, and your alarm clock, you turn it off," argued Naruto. He had made it to the couch, a fact that annoyed Sasuke as he peeled himself off the hard wood flooring. But it was an annoyance far behind that damned alarm.

"Fine, I'll turn it off, but you had better get some water for me by the time I'm back."

Naruto rolled over and shoved a throw pillow against his ear. "Hai! Go!"

Sasuke grunted and lumbered up the stairs. A minute later silence returned, and Naruto slowly made his way to the kitchen. Running the faucet over his head for a few seconds, he turned around and let the water fall into his mouth, soothing his parched body. He got out from under it and wiped his head dry before fulfilling Sasuke's request with a large glass.

*Flush*

"That bastard, he wanted the bathroom first! No wonder he gave in so easily on the alarm," Naruto grumbled. Unzipping a pocket, he took out two packets, and ripped one open. The blond had another sip of water to swallow the two pills that were revealed. He had managed to get some surplus medicine cheap, which included these super-vitamins that supposedly were very effective hangover cures.

Naruto stretched before bringing the cup with him upstairs, eager to use the commode himself. He met Sasuke coming down the stairs, and passed the cup and second packet over. Sasuke looked at the packet confused.

"Super-vitamin, supposed to be good for hangovers. First time trying them myself," Naruto explained.

Sasuke nodded and accepted them "Hnn, bathroom is to the right. Don't make a mess."

"I'm not a barbarian, Sasuke. Do you think I'm going to miss-aim and piss all over or something?"

Sasuke gave a vague grunt as he downed the pills and water, and Naruto took his turn in the bathroom.

A minute later, Sasuke was sitting on the couch, when Naruto shouted.

"Eureka!"

"… Do I want to know why you're so excited in my bathroom?" Sasuke called up.

"I'll explain in a second!"

Sasuke waited, and was happy to hear both the toilet and sink activate, even if the noises hurt his head slightly.

Naruto 'hurried' down, managing to look somewhat excited despite his hangover.

"I figured out how to get in!"

"Really?" Sasuke asked dubiously.

"Well, it might work. It was what Tenten was saying, someone would know we got in, and how we might get in like we were invited."

"You think we can get invited? Jeeze, you're still drunk."

"No, I think we can get a mission to go to a strip joint. If I work it right, we might get paid for it."

"Naruto, I owe you quite a lot for bringing me last night, so when I tell you that you're padded-walls crazy, I'm only saying that so you can get better."

"No, I'm serious. It'll take some smooth operating, and it'll help that the Hokage and I are best buds, but if I apply for permission to hold a teamwork exercise, and tell them it'll be held in the Mons Venus…"

"… That can't possibly work."

"I hung out in the Hokage tower frequently growing up, besides when I was stuck there in trouble from pranks. I sort of picked up a few things about how superiors think about things. A ninja's philosophy is, 'anything goes, as long as the job get's done,' right? We are an organization of crafty cheaters, from genin on up. The guys on top mostly remember what it was like down here. As long as you get results, they don't mind if you do a job differently than the normal way. Efficiency and out of the box thinking is rewarded, remember the reactions to what I did with the Teamwork River seals?"

Naruto didn't pause for an answer, "Worst case, someone will have a chuckle and deny it. Best case? I ask for suitable compensation for our time 'Resolving Team Inter-dynamics', and we get paid to stare at tits!"

"So let me get this straight… Your plan is literally to rely on the outrageousness of the request, so that someone will think it's clever and approve it out of bemusement?"

"Well, yeah… more or less."

"… Fine, might as well. In the meantime, we've got to worry about meeting up with Sakura before Kakashi shows."

"We're not getting anything done for at least an hour. How long have we got?"

"… Team time 'officially' starts in twelve minutes. I like to sleep in, and I wake up fast under normal circumstances."

"Great. So we've got 45 minutes before he's likely to show up?"

"Hnn."

"Get a shower. Leave me some of the hot water please."

"Hnn."

000000

The boys jogged up to the bridge, grimacing briefly when they saw Kakashi standing there waiting. Sakura was working on her physical training, and frowned when she saw the state they were in.

"Well, I'm glad to see you both decided to come today." Kakashi looked over them. "Have a fun night?"

Sasuke shot a quick glance at Naruto.

"Hai sensei!" the blond began. "We decided that in the interests of the team dynamic, it was necessary to foster better relations between us. Therefore, to achieve that, we met for a brainstorming session in an informal setting. After some advice from a senior ninja, we were able to put together an action plan, and were able to work on a recreational bonding experience during the brainstorming itself!"

"I see… So what have you discovered with this 'brainstorming session'?"

Sasuke spoke up, "We learned several personal data points involving poison tolerances. Also vital experience maneuvering while intoxicated."

Naruto nodded sagely, "We also learned several things about behavior in a chemically altered state. We should now be much more effective at several tasks while blending in inside a drinking establishment, a common site for espionage to take place in. But perhaps most importantly, we learned to never have a brainstorming session on a night before team time. While we have hopes to repeat the experience semi-regularly due to its considerable success, short term effectiveness of participants decreases to unacceptable levels for training purposes."

"Hmm… Well, I'm going to be training the team pretty rough today, but if you keep up, I guess we can call this a positive learning experience and move on."

"Hai, sensei; arigato sensei."

Sakura had stopped and wore a gob smacked expression. "What? Sensei, they went out and got smashed! That's unprofessional, not to mention illegal!"

"Yes, that's true Sakura, but if they can keep up with my pace during training, then it's a moot point. Besides, I imagine they'll be punished enough doing the exercises in the state they're in. Did you two at least replace the water and electrolytes you lost?"

The duo nodded.

Kakashi shrugged. "Then it is up to whether they had good judgment and stopped when they should have last night. Come on, let's start!"

oooooo

Kakashi was true to his word, and set a tough pace. Sasuke and Naruto were able to keep up for the most part, but it was torture. And if he didn't comment on them leaning on each other panting, or Sakura sneaking them both a miniature soldier pill half way to lunchtime, well, he only had one eye. You couldn't expect him to see everything, could you?

oooooo

To be continued in third omake…