Naruto woke up groggily around noon. Kakashi was prodding him with the handle of a long ladle. "Rise and shine. I've got food, and it's time to be busy again."
Naruto did a double take. No, his sensei really was wearing a chef hat. He suddenly recalled seeing one in the cookhouse. "Mmph… You've got to be kidding… man, I don't feel so hot…"
"Well, I'm just guessing, but maybe you used too many shadow clones. No one has ever used as many as you do routinely. Yesterday you used more than most people use in their lives."
"Wouldn't it be my luck if they actually use life force, or split off bits of your soul or something, and it's slowly killing me."
"Don't worry, we don't understand kage-bunshin completely, but it definitely doesn't involve soul magic. Anymore than any normal technique does anyway- spiritual chakra is powered by our soul, but…" Kakashi looked at the bleary eyed Naruto. "… Never mind the meta-physics, any technique you learn in Konoha that involves the soul or life force in a permanently damaging way will be taught with big warning signs and flashing lights. That doesn't mean shadow clones might not be dangerous though. No clones today."
"… Whut."
"You heard me. Act like everybody else today and stay in one body. It'll be good for you, build character."
"I really don't like you sometimes sensei."
"That's normal. It means I'm doing my job, as long as you also respect me."
"Yeah…"
"Okay then." He handed the boy bowl of food. "I made it fresh, so there isn't any of your biologicals in it."
Naruto got out of bed and accepted the bowl, looking around. Sakura was with the women; she seemed pretty protective of them. Not that Naruto wasn't, but it was more on a personal level for her. Some of them were up, but so far mostly they ate, slept, and stretched out their muscles, which hadn't got much use while they were chained in place.
Sasuke was eating and keeping an eye on Miyaka, who was poking at her food and looking unhappy. Naruto wasn't particularly sympathetic. He managed a smile and nod to Kakashi and started to eat. Kakashi nodded back before walking off.
oooooo
The next hour Kakashi left them mostly to themselves, though he did check on the women occasionally.
"Not that I'm unhappy about slacking off, but weren't we supposed to be doing work?" Naruto asked Sasuke as they played Egyptian War.
Sasuke slapped the short pile of cards a whole second before Naruto, and looked at the blond somewhat pityingly. "Dude, you better get healthy before our fight tomorrow. Right now there are academy students who could take you out."
"Mmh, shadap."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Anyway, he woke us so our sleep schedule wouldn't get screwed up. We still haven't figured out how to sleep like a pro yet. I remember there was an elective class that was supposed to be about how to sleep with four two-hour 'deep naps' or something."
"There was a class about sleeping? How did I miss that? Wait- how did Shikamaru miss that?"
"If I recall, last year it was slotted against practical poisons, and the year before that against basic use of explosives."
"Oh. Yeah, not even Shikamaru would miss hands on explosives work."
The game was interrupted when Kakashi led Tazuna inside the mansion to a desk. Curious, the three teens gravitated over to see why the old man had been brought here.
"… so this paragraph basically says that if you don't pay up within the agreed upon length of time, Wave becomes a protectorate of Fire Country. This paragraph explains that if we feel like it, we can give you extra time before enacting that option. In other words, if you try your best, we'll leave you alone. If Wave drags it's feet and gets bitchy, we'll put an administrator in charge of the country, build you back up financially, and leech out some taxes until we're even. Frankly, it would probably be faster to just do that in the first place. We have experience rebuilding disaster areas and the like."
"Then why don't you?" Tazuna asked.
"Two reasons, very closely connected. We're the 'good guy' ninja. Ask any kid that doesn't live in a hidden village- they might say so and so village is stronger, or faster, or cooler, but they almost always agree we're the nicest. Our founding Hokage, and all the Hokage that followed, felt that the betterment of the human condition was paramount. We still embody those ideals. It also turns out though, that being the good guys makes a lot of money."
Tazuna snorted.
"If we came and conquered your country and taxed you, none of you would remember us for rebuilding, or stabilizing your economy, or making sure everyone had food and medicine. Everyone would remember we barged in and taxed you. The first method means your own elected government can be put in place and you can have pride in solving your own problems. We'll send an envoy with advisors, food, and doctors, but if you want, you can ignore the advisors. We'll let you do your own thing as long as you don't screw things up too bad. This way you get happy citizens, Wave tells everybody else what awesome guys we are, and we get paid eventually."
"I want to say that that philosophy is sinister, but if you live up to your word, we really will be better off. What are the terms?"
Kakashi slid over a sheet.
"… This is ridiculous!"
"It includes the price for healthcare for every citizen, along with all the food you would normally import at a discount. You'll be 'renting' the use of our top reconstruction experts, and although I can take that item off, you really don't want to ignore their input. We're also charging hardly any interest… Frankly, if we dealt with Zabuza, got your bridge finished, and left without charging anything, it would cost about this much to stabilize yourselves anyway. And you wouldn't have access to the food and medicine."
"… I suppose…"
"We also found… 202,347 Ryu here in the fort, between Gato's private vault and the pocket money of the mercenaries…"
Tazuna's brow raised.
"The 23 hundred goes directly to you, to distribute however you think it should be, or to get a start on restructuring. You have choices with the 200 k. You can use it to pre-emptively pay against your balance, getting rid of a large portion of the debt immediately. But my suggestion is to invest it in infrastructure upgrades like your bridge, roads, retooling Gato's boat fleet into merchant ships and fishing boats, making public buildings, etc. And I think you know a few construction workers…"
"You keep saying 'you' as if it's all up to me, I'll need to get some village elders together for a meeting-"
"Nope. When you sign the paper, you are Wave's interim Chief Grand Dictator. We can change the title if you want something else, but until a real government is re-established, you have total control. That is your reward for being the only person to stand up and do something. And also, I suspect, your punishment for lying about the mission."
"… You're a right bastard."
"Meh, I've been called worse."
The two went over the other points of the contract, Tazuna surprisingly acute when it came to legalese, and Kakashi made a few changes here and there. At last, Tazuna frowned, picked up the pen, and signed.
Kakashi bowed. "You did the right thing. If the bureaucrats give you any problems, cite this law and they'll give you a message pigeon. Give it your message and I'll fix the problem," he said, scribbling a law heading number on a page along with his address, and laying it on top of the table. "I'm going to send a long message back home. They should have the first wave of medics and supplies on the road in a few days. They'll get here in maybe a week, week and a half." He scooped up the contract and walked outside.
oooooo
When he returned, team 7 had a formal debriefing. The genin had many questions about the contract making process, as well as Kakashi's predictions about Zabuza's reaction. Kakashi tried to answer as much as he could, before ordering them all to practice chakra exercises. They were making progress on these, but still had a long way to go. Since Naruto seemed to be getting healthier, Kakashi had them spar in the courtyard for a couple hours before they went back to bed early.
oooooo
It was the morning of their confrontation. Tazuna was to stay and watch the women. A few of the women who had arrived recently could function normally now, though they were probably blocking out the whole ordeal. Anyway, they would be safe until team 7 could deal with Zabuza.
It was early, and the team set out stoically. While they hoped Zabuza would just leave, Kakashi warned them it wouldn't go perfectly smooth, whatever outcome happened.
They arrived early to the bridge site, and prepared to wait. Naruto meditated; thankfully, he had almost completely healed, whether due to his clone ban, or just the passage of time. Sasuke had grabbed a leaf and was spinning it left and right over his hand, since floating a kunai took a noticeable amount of chakra. Sakura was poking her finger through the ground. Occasionally she'd look at Kakashi, who'd nod, and she'd grab his hand, submerging herself completely underground. She'd move around a bit before hauling herself out with Kakashi's help.
After she did this a third time, Kakashi spoke. "That's enough Sakura. Don't drain yourself. We might need some doctoring at the end of this."
"Hai."
oooooo
Kakashi stashed his book, immediately setting the genin on edge. The four stood up and flexed, though they had been careful to sit without letting any bits go numb. Zabuza and the masked nin appeared side by side. Zabuza was restraining his annoyance at finding himself counter-ambushed.
"Don't think things will go the same way again Kakashi. My associate here is smart. He's picked apart how your eye works, and a strategy for beating it."
"Gato is dead. We've scoured the fortress. None survived. You have no employer."
"WHAT‼ ARRGH! Damn you!" Zabuza raged, before stopping. "Wait… That just means you have the 500k he was going to pay me, maybe more," he grinned.
"500? Sorry, he only had 200k on him, though I'm not surprised. While we were infiltrating the place, we overheard his plans for his men to meet us both here and kill whichever of us won while we were licking our wounds. You were never going to get paid, no matter what happened."
The assassin stood perfectly still. "You know, normally I'd expect this to be more mental warfare, but that shit probably was planning on backstabbing us." Zabuza was beyond annoyed, and was settling his emotions. An experienced warrior-assassin, at home equally on the battlefield as at the Daimyo's courts, he was as cold as ice when he killed.
"I'm afraid I need the money though. Even if you've only got 200 on you, your head, and especially your eye, will bring in some funds."
"… Let's make a bet. If you beat us, the genin go free, you get my body, eye, and the 200k. If we beat you, you and your associate sign up as Konoha nin."
"Preposterous! I gain nothing I wouldn't take anyway if I won, and if I lost-"
"If you lose, I don't kill you. You have a stable home again, you'll be protected from the hunter nin, and you can earn money for whatever cause you want."
"Zabuza-sama-" the masked nin started.
"Hush… I doubt that your brass will let me fund my cause while under Konoha's association."
"Maybe, maybe not. But you'll still be alive, and we'll probably send you on missions you'll like… Think about it like this, if you win, you get what you want, if you loose, you stay alive to ninja another day… What would the codes tell you to do?"
"Don't bring the codes into this! Those are for amateurs. We both know the codes are only guidelines, and unhelpful ones at that!"
The genin had been following this worriedly, the idea that Kakashi would use his body as collateral, and the idea that he wanted Zabuza as a co-worker- a fellow Konoha ninja, was totally unexpected.
"Zabuza-sama…"
"Hush, I know what you want to say already… Fine! I agree. Let's get started!" He immediately shunshin-ed over onto the bridge, starting the mist technique.
Kakashi grinned under his mask. "Give him hell, Naruto."
Naruto, too, grinned mischievously, summoning a handful of clones. As the mist crept in, they synchronously held the bird sign, before unleashing a strong gust, pushing the mist back to the river. Kakashi charged, and Zabuza opened his mouth, breathing out mist even faster, as the masked-nin rushed the clones to stop them from disrupting the fog any more.
Haku's charge was led by a wave of senbon, all expertly aimed at the clones. The clones rushed to complete another gust, hoping to blow away both the mist and the senbon. They were too slow however, and most popped only half done.
Sasuke rushed forward to meet the masked Haku, while Naruto tried to get distance. His job was to suppress the fog as much as he could. He had wanted to seed the area before the fight, but Kakashi had forbid it, saying it would have been obvious to Zabuza. Now he was rushing to create groups of clones that could independently suppress the fog while he helped deal with the fake hunter-nin.
Meanwhile, Kakashi and Zabuza were at a standoff, more or less. Kakashi's eye could give him just enough prediction in the light mist to dodge. Zabuza, a master in his element, could hide without any chance of Kakashi finding him, even without the full effect of his mist. They had made a few nicks on each other, but nothing serious.
Haku kept trying to take out Naruto, but thanks to the dodging practice, he was able to evade the metal… so far. The blond gave up trying to outrun Mask, (as he thought of his opponent) and intersected with Sasuke's vector.
Sasuke, finally able to get into close range, attacked immediately. Haku had been rather focused, but wasn't caught off guard. Seeing Naruto about to slip away, the Mask defended with one hand while sealing with the other. As Naruto split into several copies, the lingering mist in the air condensed, forming needles of water. They flew out, stabbing towards the blond annoyances.
Only for most to be stopped by an earthen wall that sprang up, before collapsing right after the needles struck. Naruto prime winked at Sakura, as a few clones fled. They would have to do for keeping the mist down to manageable levels.
Naruto prime and Sakura closed back in to where the Mask and Sasuke were fighting. They seemed to be fairly even, though the Mask was occasionally jabbing Sasuke with a senbon. Seeing the other two approach, the Mask dashed back, starting a jutsu.
"Kinjutsu! Demonic Ice Mirrors!"
Team 7 looked around worriedly, as mist deposition caused sheets of frost to appear, and then turn into icy mirrors.
"Shit, this guy must have a bloodline to be able to do ice chakra away from snow country!" Sakura cried, "Be careful, this just got real dangerous."
"You're a smart cookie," Mask said. "But it doesn't matter anymore. You can't escape my jutsu. I'll disable you, help my master win, and you can head back to Konoha. I'm sorry that you'll lose your sensei, but it's not up to me."
"What a load! We just have to break some mirrors! Sasuke, fire it up, will you? We'll cover you!"
Sasuke nodded. The Mask tilted their head, curious, but unworried. Deciding it was better to be proactive, they flitted around the mirrors launching senbon. Sasuke prepared for a massive Grand Fireball as Sakura and Naruto frantically danced around deflecting senbon off their kunai.
"Katon: Gokakyu no jutsu!"
The ball flew up against a mirror, and steam poured off from where the two jutsu met. The ball of fire lighting up the igloo through the steam and mist with bright orange and red hues, which grew dimmer over time. All three genin moved around hastily through the mist, which was now giving them total cover. The Mask stayed inside the mirrors somehow, occasionally sniping at them if he sensed movement.
Sasuke prepared another jutsu, hidden as he was now. This was the pinnacle of his skill, he only was able to complete it half the time under optimal conditions. If he screwed this up, he'd be out of the fight.
The mask sensed gathering power, stronger than the previous jutsu. Expecting more clones perhaps, he readied to put out as many senbon as he could, as soon as a target presented itself.
Beads of sweat formed on Sasuke's face as he started- "Katon: Ryuka no jutsu!"
A condensed thread of fire poured out of his mouth, a dragon head at the front. Super hot flames flew through the air at his command, snaking forward until it hit a mirror. Sensing the obstruction, Sasuke steered the hellish elemental back and forth, poking holes in mirror after mirror.
However, the jutsu gave off enough light for a panicking Haku to make out the source of the effect. The masked ninja released needle after needle into the teen as Naruto rushed to his mirror, and Sakura hurried to Sasuke. They had been on the far side, keeping well away from the dragon, as Sasuke was essentially blind. As Naruto swung a kunai towards Haku, who was hanging out of the mirror to throw senbon, his target vanished back into the mirror and flashed away to another immediately.
"Naruto! Get rid of this fog! I need to see Sasuke!"
Naruto held the bird seal a moment, before slamming his arms together and pushing the air all about. Suddenly Sasuke's progress was revealed. A dozen mirrors had several holes bored through them, making them look fragile, as one or two melted or fell out of the air as they watched. The first mirror he had struck with the fireball was almost completely gone, it was thin, with a large hole in the middle big enough to walk through.
It wasn't without a price though. Sakura was frantically checking his wounds and pulling out senbon she was sure she could remove. There was one or two puddles of metal stuck to his padded shirt, hissing as they slowly cooled. Naruto could only guess they were senbon that had passed through the fire jutsu before hitting Sasuke. The boy looked like a metallic hedgehog.
Naruto made a few clones and immediately surrounded his allies from attack. More attacks seemed not to be forthcoming however, as the Mask seemed winded. Since Naruto didn't know how to fight him inside the mirror, he focused inwards to evaluate his friend.
"Damn it Sasuke, why did you go and do a stupid thing like that?" Sakura whined quietly as she healed one puncture after another.
"Naruto's rubbed off on me? Dunno, seemed like a good idea at the time… Sakura, stop, I can't feel my body, he's hit too many vitals."
"Shut up, I've got a diagnosis running, you're doing fine!"
"Heh, I can see the display. I actually know how to read it too…"
"… Damn it, too smart for your own good."
"What the hell, Sasuke! Are you giving up on us?" Naruto demanded. "I haven't gotten you into the Venus yet!"
"Dude, I refuse to believe there aren't nude bars in heaven. Real classy joints with angel strippers…" he replied weakly.
"Jerks, you can't be serious even now?" Sakura asked, still slowly selecting senbon to pull out, then heal the associated wound.
"Humor is the best weapon against the darkness. Naruto's shown me that."
"Dude…"
"I know you'll win somehow. Stop boo-hooing over me and kick his ass."
Sasuke closed his eyes and smiled. The monitoring jutsu Sakura was running beeped, before turning blue and freezing. Sakura looked at it confused before looking up fearfully. Naruto was walking towards the mirrors, which had re-arranged themselves so that the broken mirrors were at the top. The team was still trapped. However that was not what she noticed- Naruto was emitting a purple haze, a miasma of pain and rage. Making a deductive leap, the girl realized what was happening and prepared to try something risky.
KRA-BOOOM!
Naruto destroyed a quarter of the igloo with a bull-rush, as Sakura and Sasuke slipped into the ground, leaving a large pile of senbon behind…
oooooo
The two jonin were still neck and neck; the Naru-clones kept Zabuza from adding any more mist, but the man had perfected the skill, able to slowly generate mist subconsciously as easily as a civilian chewed gum while walking. Kakashi was able to keep Zabuza from focusing on the clones. The three were in unstable equilibrium. Frankly, they were all waiting for something to happen between the genin and Zabuza's partner.
Something happened.
KRA-BOOOM!
"What the fuck?" the two men murmured together. Realizing they had given away their position, both men moved immediately as they threw kunai where the other had been moments before.
"One of your munchkins have Bakutan, Kakashi? That was louder than even a couple exploding notes," mused Zabuza, using his voice displacement technique again to make his body un-locatable.
"You sound shaken, Zabuza. No, two of my kids have bloodlines, but not explosion release. It's probably the third one that did that," Kakashi replied, using the wind whisper technique to counter.
"No wonder you bargained for their freedom. Don't worry, as much annoyance as they've caused me, I'll keep them alive- assuming they aren't dead by the time I've taken your head!"
"Ah, but your associate didn't make that loud noise… Yo, Naru-clones! It's getting a bit thick in here!"
"Sorry sensei… Something feels weird…"
A moment later, instead of a gust of wind as usual, several explosions occurred around the two jonin, pushing all the mist away, allowing both Kakashi and Zabuza to see each other.
They were suddenly more interested in the clones, however.
"Time the fuck out! What the hell is going on here, Kakashi? These clones have visible auras! That takes more chakra than a clone can hold!"
"Ah, well, I may have neglected to mention that the blond one is a jinchuriki."
"… You're shitting me…"
"I really wish I was. I suggest you yield and help me figure out how to calm him down before he takes us all out…"
The clones around them were glowing purple, and looking confused, a few looked like they were trying to stab themselves before two suddenly charged the jonin.
The clones moved like greased lightning, and their aura was acidic. The two jonin fought off the clones as the rest managed to stab themselves. The two rogue clones ran towards each other and merged, becoming larger and gaining a red tail. The three stared at each other, tensed to move at any moment.
"Well fuck, you can't make this kind of crap up, and if you can, I've lost anyway! I yield, lets just pound some sense into the kid, get him to wake up!"
"I doubt that will snap him out of it, it's more likely to annoy him!"
"It always worked with Yagura and the Sanbi!"
"Wait- what? Never mind, this thing is obviously under ITs control, we need to destroy it first!"
"Fine! Let's see what we can do! Today is a good day to die!" He charged the monster, Kakashi a moment behind him.
"Not until I've got your ass signed up as a Konoha ninja! Hell if this story doesn't get me free drinks for a year!"
The three met together, Zabuza's blade giving him enough reach to get past the aura, while Kakashi had to zip in and out, poking at any undefended spots with powerful kunai stabs.
"Bastard, you owe most of those drinks to me!" Zabuza yelled as he dodged a slashing tail, slicing a finger off the odd monstrosity in return.
"We get through this, I'll give you a third of them!" Kakashi shouted gleefully as he spun around a piercing jab of a claw.
"What? Two-thirds!"
"Ridiculous! You like that Grass Country swill beer. And anyway, we beat you!"
"Only because you brought a siege weapon with you! Hell, without the blond fool dispersing all my mist you'd have been dead an hour ago! And my beer is better than that bone-dry Suna sake you like! Besides, I'm the one who's going to kill this thing!"
"Ha! Laughable claims," the ex-ANBU proclaimed, scoring a decent stab into its shoulder. "- And we'll see who kills-"
He was interrupted when the monstrous clone-thing speared its tail straight forward at Zabuza; at what it thought was a hole in his defense. Instead, the man swung his sword, carving the tail in half around him as he charged, splitting the abomination in half. It screamed as it evaporated away, making the men wince in pain.
They stood there a moment before Kakashi admitted, "Okay, that was worth half the drinks."
oooooo
Haku swore as she ran away from her ultimate jutsu. Naruto was unlike anything she'd seen before. It was tearing apart the mirrors, exploding them at times. Zabuza needed to surrender or flee, right now! It appeared they had never had a chance, their only grace had been that the blond couldn't seem to control this ability.
She turned to find her master as a sudden recollection took place.
"Accident of birth. These birthmarks remind people of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, and I was born sometime around the attack. Throw in some superstition, fear, and the need to blame someone, and suddenly I'm the village pariah."
"Oh Kami… I pissed off a demi-god…"
Suddenly there was a burning grasp around her neck, as she was picked off the ground effortlessly and turned to face the monster she had released.
She saw Naruto covered by a purplish sheath of energy. He was on all fours as the middle of three tails held her in the air.
"Go on, kill me. I'm just a tool. As long as Zabuza-sama lives, I don't care what happens to me."
The jinchuriki seemed to ponder this a moment, before looking around. Having found what it was looking for, he dashed towards it, carrying her like a ragdoll through the air behind him.
"NO! Zabuza-sama, run!" Haku cried as her master came into view.
"Well damn, kid, you already got to this stage? Wait… Damn it, you aren't home at the moment, are you kid?"
"You know what's going on?" Kakashi asked cautiously.
"Kind of. Was friends with the Sanbi's jinchuriki before some stuff happened. This kind of thing happens every once in a while, but this is a bit different. Six tails of different I'm guessing."
Naruto growled, holding Haku so she could see Zabuza. "Get away from him! He wants to kill you!"
"Now why would he want to do that?"
Naruto responded, "She killed Sasuke!" he barked, "Says she doesn't matter, only you matter. I'll kill you and make her feel like me!" With that, he lunged forward, his two free tails flying towards Zabuza, who dodged, parrying them aside as they passed.
"Just my luck! Haku, we are having words about keeping your mouth shut!"
Naruto halted as Zabuza sprang forward, and casually batted the man aside, seeming to have lost interest.
"Haku?" it asked, curiously. Taking another tail, it ripped off the mask, lightly searing Haku's face with the aura.
"Bitch! WHY?" Naruto flung her away, Kakashi and Zabuza getting slammed back as they jumped to catch her, the three rolling to a halt in a heap.
Naruto stalked forwards, standing over them, "Why? How could you do this?" he barked and yipped. "Zabuza had already agreed not to kill us anyway!" His tails hovered over them like snakes ready to strike.
"Naruto! She never killed him, Sasuke's alive!"
Naruto looked up to see Sakura hauling Sasuke over her shoulder.
"Dobe, snap out of it! How are we supposed to get in the Mons Venus with you looking like that?"
Naruto sniffed the air a few moments before howling, he shook a few seconds before a blast of chakra discharged into the sky.
When it was dim enough to see again, the ninja found him laying unconscious, no trace of the foul chakra on him at all.
oooooo
oooooo
Naruto woke up. He was laying in a puddle, it seemed. It stunk, and the air was damp. 'Did I end up on the shore?' he thought as he sat up.
It was clear something was wrong.
He was, in fact, in a sewer. A ridiculous sewer, that was more like an urban cave than a viaduct you had bodily waste go through. He knew from first hand experience, when Kakashi had made them unclog an actual sewer. It hadn't been in use; in fact, it was dug up and disconnected from the system, but it was still 40 feet of hell that would have easily have killed them if they hadn't worn hazmat suits.
Shuddering, and putting aside those memories, the blond looked around at the spacious dungeon that happened to be slightly wet. Figuring he might as well start moving, he stuck his wet hand in the air to feel for currents. Finding one, he followed it.
…
…
It may have been 30 seconds or 30 hours, time felt wonky in here. Regardless, he was now in front of a door. Having decided he was dreaming, Naruto carelessly opened the door, expecting to find some metaphor for sex, or death, or something. 'With any luck, Hinata will be in a pool of ramen, wearing something very revealing…' he thought as he pushed the door open.
And shut it again, as the sight of the Kyuubi himself brought a flood of recent memories to the foreground.
"Shit, I'm going to be in so-o much trouble when I wake up…"
"Enter."
This broke his thoughts, and he pushed the door open again despite himself.
"So, we finally meet… You're pathetic. You steal my energy and wear it as your own, and yet you are still so weak. You don't even want to use my true power, shunning it in your moment of victory."
"…"
"Stunned senseless by the sight of me? How apt for suc-"
"Shut the hell up!"
"‽"
Naruto looked around the room. It was humongous, tall enough for the Kyuubi to stand without crouching, and twice as wide. The accessible part was not very deep however, bars ran along the entire room, sectioning off 90% of it for the prisoner.
And what a prisoner! He was massive; every inch of him radiated power and majesty. He sat looking down at Naruto inquisitively.
"Fine, now that I've organized my thoughts, we can start in reverse chronological order. I 'shunned' your power because they were no longer my enemies. I'm not an idiot, I could tell you were manipulating me!"
"Hmmph. So, the suckling isn't totally clueless. Fine- release me, and I'll grant you any wish your mortal mind could imagine."
"Oh, please. You've given me no reason to trust you. I've read about you, what little information they leave in the public library. You're a trickster, cunning, cruel, and remorseless."
"Flattery will get you only so far, kit. You are aware I nearly destroyed your village, correct? I imagine what information you could find would be rather biased."
"Grr… You know, I was sort of hoping we could come to an arrangement, but if you're going to be so arrogant and pigheaded, despite being stuck powerless in a mental construct, you can just rot in there!"
The Bijuu raged, lashing out with its tails and paws, releasing jolts of static as it bashed across the bars. "You will let me out! I will not be held prisoner any longer!"
"Tough luck. Maybe you should have thought things through before you attacked Konoha."
The beast stopped, and spoke with a focused fury, "Silence! You know not of which you speak, young dungbeetle!"
"Then teach me! I don't even know how to get out of here! I assume I'm not dead if you still want out, but we might as well get something accomplished while I'm here! Hell, a lot of people would love to know why you attacked. What did we do to you?"
Kyuubi growled, then started pacing. "You wish to know of the past? Maybe you are not as stupid as you appear. Fine. While I will one day gnaw on your bones, you have the upper hand for now. It is foolish of me to deny it."
"See, this is what I was hoping for. I don't like you, you don't like me, but we're stuck together for the foreseeable future. You groom my back, I'll groom yours."
"I'm not a monkey. But you do have wisdom, driven by greed as it is. I shall teach you of the past, and grant you some of my power in times of great need. In return, you shall make this place decadent, and allow me to perceive the material world."
"I assume I do this through meditation or something?"
The greatest of foxes snorted. "You called this a mental construct. You were wrong of course, but not by as much as one would expect. This place is partially mental, but it is the world of your soul. Focus on the water. Will it away."
Naruto grunted, and focused on the water. A moment later, a few gallons disappeared, and there was a rush of water as it flowed into the brief hole.
"I meant all at once. I can see this may take some time… But later. You know how to meditate, I've seen you drift around this place before. Now you know this place exists, you can find your way here easily. As to your mode of egress, come through the bars."
"Uh, no?"
"Mortal, we have made an agreement. Besides, if you die, the next hundred years or so will be rather uncomfortable for me. I may be immortal, but your death will be a setback. You need to stay alive. For that, I must teach you, as you do not understand the board, let alone what the pieces are, or where they lie."
Naruto frowned, before walking slowly up to the bars and stepping inside.
"Hmm. You are scared; yet you are brave enough to face possible doom. You are able to extend trust to tentative allies. A possible weakness, if you have poor judgement."
Naruto glared.
"It served you well this time, however," he said, as a tail swung forward, and Naruto knew only darkness.
oooooo
Naruto woke up. He tried to lift his head, before instantly deciding that it was a bad idea. "Grrumph! ugg…"
"You're up, hmm? We were getting a bit worried."
Naruto immediately identified Sakura's voice, and opened his eyes. Looking around while keeping his head still as much as possible, he could see he was in one of the barracks. Across from him lay Sasuke, appearing amused, and next to him lay Haku. Sakura was standing over Sasuke, looking up from a thermometer.
"How… long?"
"Two days. Kakashi says it's the longest you've been unconscious, well, ever. I was getting weird reading off your diagnostics, as well."
"I guess he would know…" Naruto rasped.
"Sorry, here's some water." Sakura walked over and slowly poured a trickle of water into his mouth until Naruto made a moaning noise to stop.
Naruto worked his mouth a bit, running his tongue over the dry spots before he asked, "Is everyone alive?"
"Yes. Haku has some damage from… your aura thing, especially around her throat."
"So she is a girl. Good, she looked way too cute. There's bishounen, and then there's pushing it…"
"What are you talking about? Of course Haku's a girl."
"She tried to convince me otherwise when we met, she's the girl I told you about at breakfast."
"Oh… that's why you…"
"Yeah, finding out threw me for a loop long enough for you to tell me about Sasuke. Speaking of, how you doing hot head? Gotta say, piercings aren't your style man."
"I'm the hot head? Look who's talking!"
"I'm not the one who gave up full cover and hung a giant bull's-eye around my neck!"
"I didn't nearly crush my sensei to death."
"… Wasn't gonna crush sensei…" he whined.
"Fine, my point is, mistakes were made, we learned from them."
"I hope you all did learn from your mistakes. Although honestly Sakura did pretty well…" Kakashi interrupted, walking into the room, "One tries to avoid the word 'cluster-fuck' in official reports, but it might be challenging this time. We all have a lot to talk about over the coming days, until everyone is healthy enough to return to Konoha."
"Zabuza forfeited?" Naruto asked.
"Yes. I think it was clear that he couldn't beat a rampaging jinchuriki, no matter how large his sword is."
"Bastard! That's another penis joke! You owe me another drink!" came a distant bellow.
Kakashi rolled his eye. "He's temperamental over his sword, don't touch it or joke about it."
"So, um… Did we complete the mission?" Naruto asked.
"Well, technically, the original mission is void. You can all look forward to an embarrassingly large paycheck soon. I expect you all to put some of it in savings, by the way… However, we're not done until the bridge is complete. It should take only another day or two; news of Gato's death has spread like fire in a paper mill, and all the workers are back.
"Basically, though, we're done. I need to debrief the three of you separately and together, but unless someone decides to invade, we won't need to do anything else."
Naruto groaned, "Sensei, don't say stuff like that!"
"What? Don't worry, nothing will happen; what could possibly go wrong? It can't possibly get any worse."
All three genin looked at their sensei in horror, before Sakura started pushing him out of the room.
"Now nothing can stop us! I'm invincible! Bwahahaha-!"
The door closed, silencing him.
"My life is so surreal sometimes." Sasuke complained.
"Tell me about it. At least you don't get in fights with yourself, or have shouting matches with the Kyuubi inside your soul."
"… Uh, got me there. Is he as cranky as they make him out to be?"
"Possibly worse. Pig headed and obstinate, although he can change his mind in a flash as well. Couldn't get a good read on him really. Apparently he's going to teach me history in return for me letting him see through my eyes."
"Huh. Well, it's probably unnecessary to say it, but I'd be cautious about how much trust to give it."
"I'm not stupid Sasuke. I trust it slightly farther than I can through it."
oooooo
End chapter 13
oooooo
So, I just went through Narutopedia to see what crazy shenanigans Kishimoto has been up to. As I've mentioned earlier, I've seen next to none of the anime, and only read up to the Jiriya/Pain fight. Got pretty pissed when he died; (you might be surprised at my version of Jiriya, he isn't the universe's butt-monkey to laugh at like in most fics.) I did keep up with the plot until the turtle island or so.
…
So does Kishimoto want to usurp M. Night for 'twists' or something? Fricking Obito, really? Like… I mean… really?
… I'm calling it- the real mastermind, the one behind everything, when all the masks are pulled off, and all the pawns and cat's-paws have been traced back to their owners, it'll be…
Shishi, Tora's mother, thought dead. Tortured for years between her owner's… large tracks of land… she will find this existence hell, and will make it her mission to destroy the world, and reshape it in her image. She tried to destroy all the genin she was able, but wasn't strong enough until her birthright developed. A descendant of the forbidden love child of the Nibi and the Sage of Six (he was a furry [explains a lot]), the combination of trauma and catnip awakened Shishi's eyes. With the power of both the rinnegan and mangyaku sharingan, she started her power-plays and toyed with the lives of humans like the mice they were. She met a He-cat named Greebo, and begat Tora, to help her plans unfold. Tora jumped on the desk of Kabuto, surreptitiously fixing an equation he was having problems with. Stealing the formula, Tora revived her mother (who had grown old, and died of a hairball complication) and together they are on the cusp of re-writing the foundations of the world!
…
…
My story will cut out the whole 'reviving everyone who has ever been a named character, and a few new people' bit, and jump to the climactic fight between Naruto, the fuzz-butt, and Hanabi, vs. Tora and Shishi. Harry Potter will stumble through the arch thingy, winding up in the middle of the fight and accidently casting riddickulous- then things get trippy.
Just wait… come chapter 53, you're all going to be like, "What the hell, Another Reader! This was supposed to be a 'semi-realistic' fan fic, where we explored all the lunacy that would occur if this shit happened to real people! How did a cat become the big bad?"
And I'll say, "Kishimoto drove me to it! It's madness! I told you I'd do it waaay back in chapter 13! Did I f-ing stutter?"
oooooo
No I won't. I promise to be good. I might have to make it an omake though.