Life Starts at Sixteen

by Another Reader

Twelve year olds do not make good state agents, let alone assassins. Follow a more mature Naruto and gang as they deal with the harsh reality of what being a ninja means. Well, for given values of maturity, Naruto is involved after all.

16. Chapter 15

A/N

Hey.

I know. It's been 6 years. Don't hurt me.

Hah, I'm assuming anybody even remembers this, which is pretty presumptuous. I did have a decent number of positive reviews on this story, but I know I assume stories are dead when they go 6 months without update, no matter how popular.

What can I say? College, paying job. You know the drill. We've all seen it happen to fanfic authors. But I'm still going. I'm going to let you know up front that this story probably won't get finished satisfactorily. Maybe in 20 years, but unlikely. Still, I'll keep putting something up whenever I have something to put up.

I actually had about 1/2 of this hanging out on google docs for four years or so, but it was really rough. If you think it sucks now, (and you might) well… It took revision. And I had to add the other half, of course.

The huge gap changed my writing style. We're talking 20% or so of my total life? Yeah, that kind of life experience is going to have noticeable effects in one's writing.

One last thing, if you get part way through and get mad about stuff, for whatever reason, please try and finish the chapter. If you don't like the chapter, fair enough, but read the whole thing, then judge it. There are... aspects, to it, later on. You won't see all of them until the next chapter at the least, but there will be real consequences for all of this. It's not just drama for drama's sake, though it may seem like that at points.

Look underneath the underneath.

---

It was half an hour, and a good cry later, that Naruto was being escorted underground by his god-uncle. The mood was melancholy; the two ninja, normally known to be loud and flamboyant, were walking deeper under the tower in silence.

Jiraiya slowed, "Here we are. This room is shielded, and has the equipment we'll need for your tests."

"Okay."

Jiraiya put his palm next to the door, and it snapped open a few inches after a moment's pause. The man pushed it the rest of the way open, and gestured to Naruto.

Inside was a sealing ward made of silver, laid into the floor of the room. It was generic, but the permanency of it would give it extra strength, Naruto surmised.

"Wave to the doctors!" Jiraiya joked, pointing out a one way mirror along the length of one wall. "I can only tell what's going on with the seal, so we had to get some folks to check the medical data feeds."

"Yeah, this isn't my first time doing this sort of thing."

"Right, sorry. Have you used the bathroom recently?"

"I'm fine, unless this is going to be a four or five hour deal."

"If you say so kid. Get in, I'll be your seal master for today's tests."

Naruto perked up a bit. "Should be pretty neat, I hope I can glean some tricks off of you. Last time we ran tests I hadn't even begun studying fuin-jutsu," Naruto said, getting in the center. He stripped to his underwear, and tossed the clothes outside of the sealing area.

Jiraiya was in front of a deluxe sealing-kit, bleeding himself into a jar while preparing the brushes as he talked, "Heh, maybe, but I think most of this will be over your head. How'd you like that book I managed to get to you? He'd have wanted you to get his copy. If you can read that chicken scratch in the margins he called handwriting, I bet you learned some interesting stuff, huh?"

Naruto's head jerked up. He blinked a few moments, then swallowed. "You mean? …This is going to take some getting used to, I can tell. Thank you. That… means a lot."

"If life was fair, he could have given it to you himself. It's tragic you couldn't know its significance until now." The man ran a glowing green finger over his cut, stopping the bleeding, then poured some of the bottled blood onto the inkstone. Taking the inkstick, he ran it through the blood against the stone, back and forth, until the ink was slowly mixing in. While some treated the ink making process like a ritual, with strict rules and traditions, those were mostly academics or aristocrats. While many would consider the seals Jiraiya created art, at heart he was a craftsman. In battle, there wasn't time for extra work; he kept that pragmatism in the workshop and lab as well.

Inkstick having nearly dissolved from the vigorous grinding, Jiraiya grabbed a tool definitely not approved by tradition, a small rubber squeegee. Scraping the ink/blood mixture into the larger jar of blood, he mixed it with a slender bamboo stick until it was blended.

Naruto was sitting cross-legged in the center seal, watching. Jiraiya took the bottle and the brushes and started work.

oooooo

"You know, this would go faster if you stayed still…" admonished the older man, as he barely kept the glyph he was arranging from smudging into its next door neighbor.

Naruto managed to stop fidgeting for a few moments. "Sorry, I'm curious! Wow, I had no clue you could use a fractal approach towards buffering!"

"You can't. If you tried, it would turn your apartment into a crater large enough for a biju-sized swimming pool. I can do it because I spent a year of Tuesdays tinkering with a compensator glyph on your back that you can't see. Don't try any of this stuff, you have no clue what I'm doing."

"Fine… Maybe you can give me some idea though? Like, why is that 7-D matrix chained to that set of amplifiers there? Shouldn't that create feedback?"

Jiraiya sighed, "Normally, but if you look at your kneecap, you'll see I corrected for that with a multiphase Fourier transformation."

Naruto looked at the indicated kneecap and blinked. "So that's what that does! Man, that will reduce the size of some of my work by half!"

"Did you not just hear me? Don't you dare try that; it is way beyond your current ability! … Let me ask, what's the worst result you've seen that was caused by a faulty seal?"

Naruto seemed surprised at the rapid segue. "Huh? Well, I took some first degree burns from some of my earlier attempts, and one time part of my sofa got trapped between dimensions as far as I can tell…"

Jiraiya moaned, "Oh good Kami… How the hell are you still alive? When we're done here, I'm taking you to another vault and showing you a resonance cascade failure. You've obviously been way too lucky, without fully recognizing the problems you could make."

"Wait, you want to engineer a cascade failure? That's… Can we just say we did, and skip it?" Naruto asked pleadingly.

"I'm glad to hear that reaction at least. Don't worry, I've done it before, and it will be a small one. Believe it or not, there will be times you'll want to make one. Not least of which is scaring the crap out of an apprentice."

"In that case, can I bring a friend? She works with seals as well… Actually, I need to get back his sealing book I leant to her…"

"You leant her that book?"

"I wasn't aware of its importance at the time!" the teen explained, "I wasn't allowed to know, remember? Anyway, she swore she'd keep it safe."

"Fine, she can come along…" Naruto could suddenly feel the man grinning, despite Jiraiya being behind him. "Say, how old is she anyway?"

"Much too young for you! Anyway, what is that on my foot? I've never even seen something like that!"

"It's a qubit-array."

"That doesn't help too much…"

"At least you can recognize your ignorance. An important step that many never reach," Jiraiya said, carefully yet speedily applying more characters on Naruto's shoulder. "You are just beginning a journey that will take the rest of your life to complete. Though my most productive years of research are behind me, I still come up with refinements every now and then. My student was a true prodigy, but it would be somewhat silly to hold yourself to his standards."

Naruto looked up, confused. "What do you mean by that? I'm not good enough?" he asked, getting upset.

"What? No, that's not what I meant at all. Look, all you young ninja are similar in some respects. You all have some hero that you think was the coolest thing since latex condoms-"

"Sliced bread, and let me say that that was too deep a look into your soul…"

"Po-tay-to, po-tāh-to. Anyway, you all run around trying to match up to these legendary figures. You know how they became legendary? By being themselves and thinking outside of the box. I'm glad you like fuin-jutsu, but if you don't get to be a master for some reason, that doesn't mean anything. You might not be made for it. Maybe your signature strength will be genjutsu, or a never-ending deluge of ninjutsu, what with your chakra capacity… Um, what I'm trying to say is, that us legendary figures made our own way forward and found our specialties mostly by luck and trying different things."

Naruto nodded. "I get what you're trying to say. That makes sense, but I still hope I can be a seal master."

Jiraiya grinned, "Work at it, and I think you will be. Just be open to trying other things, and maybe you'll find your own specialty people will associate with you someday."

"Thanks. You're pretty wise… for a smut peddler."

"Hey, I'm an artisté! I distill the very essence of the feminine form and lay it bare on the page for all to appreciate," the sage argued.

"So why is the writing so degenerate?" the teen demanded. "The dialog is lowest common denominator dross! It's corny, repetitive, insipid, and I've nearly resorted to using white out so I could enjoy the art without being distracted!"

Jiraiya stopped sealing for a moment. "It's that foul huh? Yeah, I know it sucks, but that's what the publishers said would sell. Plus it's easier to insert code messages into it like that." He frowned before starting again. "Maybe I need to start another line, where I actually spend some time on the dialog…"

"That would be awesome! Please do that!"

"Hey, stop moving, I'll consider it… I've got enough I could self publish, if the suits are uncooperative… Okay, I think we're done. Let's start it up."

He walked to the outer edge of the seal, which now covered the floor around Naruto in a circle about two yards in radius, as well as covering the blond teen. Standing over a smaller circle that led into the grand design, Jiraiya cut his hand again and slammed it down.

"Fuin-jutsu: Custom Array!"

Light raced through the ink and the silver, rushing through the complicated glyphs and up onto Naruto.

"Whoa, that feels weird. How long is this going to take?"

"Meh, an hour, probably. The sooner you start your aura, the sooner we can start counting down."

"Right, let me talk to Fuzzy, and we can get going."

"Why weren't you doing that while I drew the seal? Never mind, hurry up!"

"Hai!"

oooooo

The blond appeared outside the cage, and shook off the disorientation. "Hey Kurama, I need to do the diagnostics they want. Just a heads up!"

Kurama was in his standard form, taking up most of the cage. "Wait. We need to talk."

"Now isn't the best time, we've got some stuff going on as we speak. I'll talk as long as you like tonight."

"I have come to a decision. We have a matter of great importance to discuss."

"Neither of us are going anywhere. The diagnostic seal won't last forever. Relax, as soon as we're done I'll come back. I'll try and make you some food or something to make up for it. Maybe a giant rabbit for you to chase. See you in maybe an hour, two tops!"

Naruto disappeared; a few moments later, the Bijuu felt a drain on his chakra.

"At some point there will be a reckoning for your casualness, youngling. There are many who will not accept such treatment…"

oooooo

The test now over, the two ninja walked out of the vault-like room, Jiraiya leading his nephew down another hallway. "So it could take a while for the data to be processed and analyzed."

"Right. Now are you sure you can't take me for ramen, and skip the suicidal fuin-jutsu demonstration?"

"Nope! But we do need to find that girl so she can watch. And more importantly, get that book back from her!" He mumbled to himself, "I suppose if you know her, she's underage…"

The blond rolled his eyes, "Dude, talk about one track mind… Wow, do you realize that I just criticized you for being obsessed? I have 73 different flavors of ramen packets in my cupboards, and yet you out obsess me. Sad really…" Naruto shook his head, unable to keep an impish smirk off his face.

"You have no idea kid… Here we are. You go on inside and wait, I'll be back in say, 15 minutes. I've got to grab a few supplies, and I'll find your friend. Er, what's her name?"

"Tenten. Just Tenten, apparently. Her other name seems to be a sore point. She's a genin from last year under Mighto Gai."

"Huh… oh, yeah… 32 B, though she keeps them wrapped tight, brunett. I think I remember seeing her with Gai and his other two students."

"That's… seriously creepy, Ero-oji."

Said uncle looked at the blond, "It's a good thing I like you, shrimp. Don't call me that in public, got it? … Anyway, it's merely the power of observation, and memory training. You'll be able to do it too, even if you don't want to, since it's necessary for information gathering. I'll be back!" He disappeared, a single leaf hanging in the air momentarily where he had been.

Naruto sighed, looked around the new room he was in, and sighed again. It was nearly featureless, and he didn't have anything to amuse himself. The teen briefly considered trying to fix whatever new problem was bugging Kurama, but decided it would wait until that night. Actually, this was a good chance to just relax and try to internalize all the crap that had been dumped on him today.

Naruto lay on the floor and closed his eyes…

…Wait. Those seals were still on his body, weren't they? He snapped up to a sitting position and rolled back his sleeves.

"Hah, they're still there! I might not completely understand them, but I can still try!"

oooooo

"Hey kid, we're back!" Jiraiya loudly proclaimed as he entered the bunker-like room.

"Thanks for inviting-" Tenten paused at the sight.

Naruto blinked. "Now it might look like I'm in my underwear, doing the weirdest yoga pose you could imagine, but I swear I'm studying advanced seal theory…"

"…I didn't ask." Tenten said as she walked further into the room. "Wait, you're serious, I can see them! Get over here and show me your thigh!"

"Sweet Kami, this is priceless!" Jiraiya managed between laughs. He watched as the blond un-knotted himself just in time to dodge Tenten.

"Let me see that glyph Naruto, I've never seen anything like it!"

"Maybe if you calmed down! Hey, stop! There's nothing on my ass! Let go of my underwear!"

Jiraiya decided he should step in at this point, despite all of his authoring instincts yelling at him to see where this went… "Hem hem!"

"What do you want? Why aren't you taking notes for your 'books'?" Tenten growled whilst struggling to pin Naruto down and rip off his boxers.

"I'm the one who wrote those, and I can guarantee there's nothing in his boxers that would interest you. Seal related anyway," he smiled at his 'wit.'

"Aww… fine." She got up, pulling Naruto after her. "You know I was mostly joking right? I might have gotten carried away, I admit, but SEALS!" She pouted, before a pattern caught her eye, and she started pushing Naruto around, checking the seals on his body. "These are fascinating…"

"Er, I'm glad. And I'll let you look if you stop acting creepy…" Naruto said, yanking his arm out of Tenten's grip.

Jiraiya sighed, "Naruto, she is flirting with you! Don't kill the mood!"

"You can shut up!" Naruto shouted, as he watched Tenten seemingly come to her senses.

"Oh, geez, I'm sorry Naruto. I really didn't mean to… I just get excited when I see new weapons or seals…" She whimpered a bit as Naruto threw on his clothing.

Jiraiya shook his head. "You are too damned noble, Naruto, that's your problem."

Tenten frowned. "I can give you a slap mark to match your other cheek."

"What did he say to earn the first one?" Naruto asked cautiously.

"She smacked me before I could say anything!" Jiraiya complained.

"You're THE Jiraiya, I'm sure you deserved it. Anyway, I apologized when you explained what was going on." The girl explained.

Jiraiya sighed. "Whatever. If today's quota of lunacy is over with, maybe we can get to the demonstration. Oh, as soon as you give the brat his book back."

Tenten squealed again, and pounced on Naruto. "Thank you for letting me read your sealing guide! It was amazing, and who ever wrote the margin notes was a genius! Here, I took good care of it!"

The precious book back in the hands of its rightful owner, Jiraiya started setting up his demonstration. "All right! I'm going to create a controlled resonance cascade failure to show you two what can happen in a worst case scenario."

Tenten's eyes lit up, and she bit her lip.

Naruto had had enough. "Time out! This is getting silly! What the hell is up with you Tenten? I may not know you that well, but you are acting completely different than the other times we've spent together. Did someone drug you for a prank or something?"

"No, I just… really like seals."

"You weren't like this when we were comparing designs back at the wheat field…" Naruto continued skeptically.

"Hmm… Naruto, serious time. Is her personality noticeably different than normal?" Jiraiya murmured, looking at the girl more thoroughly.

Tenten frowned, and Naruto blinked. "Well, yes, actually. I'm not suggesting she's a spy or anything, but-"

Jiraiya cut him off, "Look, Tenten. I get that you don't have a high opinion of 'Goofy Pervert' Jiraiya, but do you trust 'Legendary Seal Master and Toad Sage' Jiraiya?"

"I… suppose. Why?"

"I'd like to do a simple test on you. Come here."

Tenten looked nervous, and walked over. Jiraiya licked his thumb, stomped his foot, and stuck the thumb on her forehead. He held it there for a moment and Naruto watched the air go hazy around the pair, almost like the natural heat illusions you'd hear about in the Suna deserts, and the teen was reminded again that he was in the presence of a living legend. The sannin wrinkled his brow and pulled away, the odd visual effect fading in moments. "When was the last time you saw your psychiatrist?"

Tenten's face tightened in worry. "About three months ago, I've been put on schedule 5, since I'm stable… right?"

"It's going to be fine, but I think Naruto should leave the room so we can discuss it."

Tenten looked at Naruto, walked over and grabbed his hand, squeezing tight. "Tell me."

Jiraiya looked around the room awkwardly for a moment. "Hell, I'm no doctor, can't say it in fancy language. Your drives are messed up, hon. You have been repressing something, or channeling it into another purpose, and you are getting some of your signals crossed."

Tenten shook her head, "What? I don't get it."

Jiraiya looked up, as if searching for a signal. "I've known ninja who really loved weapons, sealing, poisons, or whichever tools were there passion. You aren't old enough to be twisted enough to get weak in the knees on seeing something you can kill people with."

Tenten blushed. "I've always liked my S's though… Sharp, Shiny, and Seals…"

"Trust me, your energies are all out of whack. Don't worry though, this is easily fixed when you tell your psychiatrist. It'll take a while depending on why you're repressing whatever desire it is, and you might get taken off active duty for a month or two, but this is a simple, and relatively common problem."

"Off duty for a month! No way! I need a second opinion!"

Naruto spoke up, "Um, he probably knows what he's talking about. You don't want to be on a mission and suddenly want to rip the boxers off some guy with a shiny sword, do you?" he smiled, trying to bring some levity in.

"Crap."

"There is a temporary solution," Jiraiya started, "but it will make things worse if you don't take this to your psych. It's safe for a month or so if you use it properly, but could put you in rehab for years if you abuse it."

"Er… what is it?"

"It's a field medicine solution Tsunade and I developed together. She always gave me a hard time about it, but she cleared it for use in treating several mental issues."

Tenten frowned at the evasion. "So what is it!?"

"Right, sorry. It's a seal I'll put on the base of your neck. When you activate it like a standard sealing scroll, it will force all of your excess drives out of you very rapidly."

"What will that be like?"

"Well, it depends on the excess drive. Have you been eating less?"

"No, I need a ton of calories to keep up with Gai and the boys."

"Have you had a significant reduction in sleep?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. My team still does C-ranks, though twice we did missions that turned into Bs. I've been getting well within the suggested sleep guidelines."

"That's good. Do you have a crush on someone?"

"No! I mean, no, really. Okay, he's hot, but it would never work out." Tenten let out.

"Bingo! And how long have you not had a crush on this hot guy?"

"Damn it. A while, but it got worse just recently… about when I started getting really horny whenever I set off an exploding seal," she admitted.

"And because you don't think it would work, you've been denying your attraction. Perhaps training extra hard whenever you started thinking about him that way?"

"Ugh. Yes."

"Alright, as I said, the seal would push the drives through you. If you had been denying your hunger for example, the seal would make you ravenous, you would be forced to eat something, and you would feel extremely satiated by whatever you ate. In this case, you're going to get very horny, rub a few out, and probably have some of the strongest O's in your life. This is why you might be tempted to abuse it, and why I'm going to make sure you see you shrink if you decide to have me give you the seal."

"But if you don't, I'll get taken off active duty for a while?"

"Almost certainly. Course, the medics will be pissed at me for doing this, but I doubt you'll let yourself get addicted. And you will be going in for therapy and exams to make sure you recover correctly."

"… This isn't all some trick?" Tenten asked hopefully.

Jiraiya shook his head grimly. "Sorry, I'm as serious as a kunai in the eye."

"… Fine. Do it."

"All right. Naruto, go outside; Tenten, sit down and take off your shirt."

Naruto wandered out the door. Why was all this craziness going on? It wasn't even three hours ago he'd been bombarded with the threat of a whole team of S rankers on his ass, learned he had famous parents, found out he was going to live for centuries, and now Naruto had to watch his new friend get diagnosed as crazy.

Even if she would get better quickly.

"I want it to be nighttime. I need a nice, long sleep. Some R&R this has turned out to be..." the blond muttered.

oooooo

About ten minutes later, the door opened and Jiraiya walked out, then sat next to Naruto. "Sorry about leaving you out here, but I wanted you to stay. She might need someone she knows after she runs it the first time. I'm going to have to put a rain check on the cascade failure. I am going to show one to you both sooner or later though."

"Wait, she's about to run it in there?"

"Yeah. After this time, she can do it on her own, in her bedroom or whatever. But the first time is working off that entire backlog. Technically, she should be watched over by a medic, but she's healthy, and I've got one of my toad summons keeping an eye on her."

"How did you get her to agree to that?"

"She doesn't know; I put Kango-san under a genjutsu. I'll introduce you to her sometime soon, she trained under Tsunade, though she's not got a great bedside manner. It'll be fine."

"Ah… …Why does it seem like all my friends and I are crazy?"

Jiraiya's eyebow rose. "Probably because all your friends are ninja, and you all are a bit crazy," Jiraiya replied seriously. "There is a reason we all have to see shrinks frequently. We get put under tons of stress all the time. Even the strongest psyched ninja eventually cracks a bit. You're told in the academy that it happens over time, especially as you rise in rank. The truth is, we have to break you before you even get through the academy. It's just hard to see the fractures in most of you yet. It's a fucking awful business we're in Naruto. I hope someday, someone will get around to fixing a lot of it… I would be more grateful than words could express if I could live to see a world where ninja were superfluous."

Naruto looked over to the man in surprise.

"Only idiots and psychos don't want peace, Naruto. How well do you understand the end of the Third War with respect to the socio-economic pressures involved and the personalities of the Kages at the time?"

Naruto blinked at the man for a few seconds. "I'm proud to say that after years of remedial tutoring from my friends, I actually understood that question. I couldn't even begin to answer you though."

Jiraiya deflated slightly. "Right. Well, it could have been worse, given the circumstances."

"Oh, Holy Shit! Sweet Kami!" made it out of the room.

Naruto looked at the door curiously. "Aren't these things fairly sound-proof?"

Jiraiya appeared vaguely amused, "Yep. This crush of hers is really eating her up, I suppose. You have any idea who it is?"

"Not a clue. Neji maybe? He's got that bishonen thing going on that some girls seem to like. Honestly I don't know her well enough to do anything but guess, it's none of our business either."

"Fair enough. Let me tell you a story about the Fourth, when he was still my young apprentice…"

oooooo

"-and he said, 'Well no one told me toad oil was flammable!' Hah!" Jiraiya finished with a slap to his nephew's back.

Naruto was laughing so hard his chest hurt. "Oh, that's amazing! I can't believe he beat me in collateral damage at that age! I know Iruka-sensei told me I had set the bar," he managed to get out, and wiped away a few tears.

"Heehee, ah, he knew you'd take it as a challenge."

"Oh, I totally would have." Naruto leaned against the large man. "Thanks. Really, that's-"

The door clicked open, and TenTen stepped slowly out. She had a whole body blush, and smelled like she had been doing a work out with Gai and Lee. The two males quickly sobered and looked up at her.

Tenten walked in front of the Toad Sage and bent down. Jiraiya looked worried for a moment, until she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"That is for being more or less professional, and for one heck of a ride."

Jiraiya smiled sincerely, before suddenly wincing in pain.

"And the kick in the shin is for leaving me a time released scroll full of 'toys', you pervert."

"I just wanted to make sure you could take care of yourself," the man replied, rubbing his leg. "Feel free to keep any of them you like."

Tenten hesitated, "Wait, really? Some of those looked nice… They haven't been used before, have they?"

"Of course not! This may have been a medical situation, but as one of the greatest lovers in the world, it is my sacred duty to always treat women right! It wouldn't do to have used equipment. I've got money, I love women, so I spend money to make women happy."

Naruto interrupted. "So you carry scrolls full of brand new 'toys' just in case you meet a chick into that?"

"What part of 'self proclaimed World's Greatest Lover' do you not understand Gaki? I'm a seal master- I have 10 pounds of both fresh rose petals and sakura blossoms, in case I need them to set a mood or something. Jeez, I have an indexed list the size of a dictionary in my back pocket because I have trouble remembering what all I actually keep on my person at times."

Tenten looked at the man quizzically. "…Huh. Maybe you're a decent guy under all those layers of shameless pervert. Thank you." She leaned over and gave him another peck. "Now I'm going home and laying down as soon as I can trust my legs to work." She walked stiffly back into the room and the two heard a sealing scroll activate after a few moments.

She walked up to Naruto and hugged him briefly. "Thanks for not freaking out. Sorry I interrupted the show-"

"Hey now, none of that. This was important, if things hadn't happened like this, you could have found out in a much worse way."

"Still, you didn't have to stick around for all the crazy."

"No problem! Heck, this doesn't even rank in my top 10 this week for crazy," he chuckled.

Tenten blinked, before Jiraiya smacked Naruto upside the head. "He doesn't mean to belittle what you've went through, he just uses humor to diffuse tense situations."

"Er, right." Narut0 said sheepishly.

"Right," Tenten chuckled. "So, as I said, I guess I'm going home…"

"Actually hon, I decided I'm taking you to your psych-nin. Come on, I'll carry you; let's get out of here."

The three started towards the exit, Tenten looking a bit uneasy being carried at first, but too tired to complain. Finally out of the secure basement, Jiraiya stopped. "It's been real, Naruto, I'll see you tomorrow probably. Later!" He disappeared with Tenten still in his arms.

"What a screwed up day… and I promised Furball I'd talk to him soon. Ugh, I think I'm going to have to wait till tomorrow to visit Haku…" Naruto mumbled to himself as he exited the Hokage Tower complex.

oooooo

Naruto dragged himself through the door to his apartment, the special 'Naruto' sized to-go container of his favorite ramen being carried behind him by two clones. It felt good to be back, maybe even better than it had yesterday after getting back from wave. He slumped into his seat at the table, and let his clones set the table before opening the lid off the huge container of soupy noodles.

He plucked a bunch out with his chopsticks and took a bite.

Bliss.

About 10 minutes later, he licked the last drops out of the plastic bowl, his entire head able to fit into the oversized plastic bucket.

He looked up to see the pair of clones writing down something.

"What are we up to, guys?"

One stuck his pencil eraser in his mouth, not bothering to respond, while the other looked back. "Oh, we're bored, but didn't feel like popping yet. We thought we'd try and see which of us could write a better script for Ero-oji to use in his book."

Naruto prime snorted. "I'm such a dork. He's not going to use something I wrote, even if I was any good. Whatever, it should be interesting, anyway. Keep at it while I go speak with Furry. Then I'm headed to sleep."

"Yes sir," the clone mock saluted with his pencil, before turning back to work.

oooooo

Naruto was ready for bed, since time didn't always flow like he thought it should while speaking with the fox. One time, while he was still being nursed by Sakura, he woke up several hours later than expected, hungry and dehydrated.

Anyway, since something seemed to be bothering Kurama, it seemed wise to be ready to be there for a while. The teen lay down on his bed, and dived into the pocket of soul-mind-space that was coming to be familiar.

oooooo

"Hey, Kurama-sama, I'm back. We can talk as long as you like… Is something wrong? Where are you?"

No response. Naruto looked around. Slightly worried, he walked into the cage, not sure if he should be scared of, or for, the grouchy chakra beast.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry I brushed you off, but it was kind of import-"

Suddenly he was naked, being caressed by a woman similar in features to the fox-woman from earlier that day, only lacking the hybrid animal characteristics.

"Whoa, what the hell do you think you're doing? I've already had my allotment of crazy chicks groping me today!"

Kurama spoke gently into his ear as she stroked him. "This needs to be done. It may already be too late! Relax."

"Like hell I wi- oh my Kami! Stop that!"

"No! I need you to be strong to face the coming trials, and this is a necessary step. I'll apologize afterward, if need be." Kurama explained, before she slid down Naruto's body.

"Wait! You can't just- agh guh?" his words muddled together as he felt himself engulfed in her mouth.

oooooo

oooooo

Naruto awoke in his room.

"Fuck. The. What."

The blond lay there for a few minutes, slightly disoriented, piecing together the memories.

He suddenly got up and walked to the bathroom. Throwing some water on his face, he took a long breath before walking back to bed and sitting down.

"Okay. This isn't the end of the world. Hell, it was a lot of fun, though I'd have prefered it to be with Hinata. And, you know, consensual."

"For that, I owe you more apologies than you know, Naruto-kun," Kurama said as she walked into his room- fully clothed now, but still appearing as the same woman Naruto wanted to rend into pieces.

"YOU! You rat-bastard! You… carrion eater! You- holy fuck, how are you out of the seal!?"

"If only. We are still in my cage; I just spruced the place up a bit. I wouldn't normally pick your apartment, but I thought it might set you at ease."

Naruto was vibrating. "Set me at ease… … You can't begin to understand how much I want to rip you apart right now!"

"Actually, I probably do. Bijuu are very good at rage. But we aren't so good at the finer points of social interaction. Look, that really shouldn't have happened. I was… under some misapprehensions."

"Wha? Misapp-… What?!" Naruto took a few breaths and slumped back on the bed. "You know what? If I try to fight you, you'll just cream me. So, I'd just love to know what kind of 'misapprehension' makes it acceptable to rape someone."

"While you were performing that 'test', I experienced about ten years of subjective time. During which I had no outside stimulus, unlike during your childhood."

Naruto sat up. "You're shitting me, right?" he asked in disbelief.

"No. When you appeared, I honestly thought that years had passed without you returning. It seemed that we had missed the optimum time to bond, and I was not thinking clearly. I had no clue what was going on. We are truly lucky I was in mind to mate with you. If I hadn't had experience being locked up in you while you were an infant, almost totally isolated, I would have likely devoured you, seal or not."

The blond stared at her, unblinking. "… Excuse me." Naruto got up, and a hole in the wall appeared. "So all I needed to do to be good at shaping this place was to fuck you. How convenient," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He stomped out the hole, which closed behind him.

"At least he's taking it well," Kurama mumbled to herself.

oooooo

Naruto trained in a clearing of the forest. Specifically, in front of a punching drill station. He was using a makiwara punching board, though like most in the Hidden Villages, it was reinforced with concrete and steel. The punching surface was smooth finish cement.

Whack Pack Thwack…

Naruto kept punching the slab, each punch fueled with a tiny sliver of his frustrations. He had lost track of time, but his knuckles were bloody, so he must have been doing this for some time. He rather doubted that time, or for that matter, the blood, mattered very much here. Naruto stopped for a moment, and tried to will his hands back to normal. At first he thought they weren't responding, but he noticed, finally, some slow changes.

"Whatever." He wasn't willing to wait.

He lashed out with a roar. "Raagh!" CRUNCH "Ffffffffuu-gh!"

He slowly pulled back his right hand. Both it and the block took some damage from that punch, though his hand had clearly come out the worse of the two. He gently moved his fingers and hissed as the hand re-blossomed in pain. Definitely multiple breaks.

"Damn. Of all times for my healing to seem not to work…"

"That's because you seem to want to be in pain."

Naruto looked behind him to see what had to be Kurama, unless he had others in his stomach that hadn't introduced themselves to the teen yet. The fox currently appeared to be a middle aged man, though as usual, he looked almost regal- larger than life, more real than everything else. Naruto almost turned back, but wasn't able to ignore what the man had said.

"Why do you think I want to be in pain?"

"I am just observing the situation. Despite my age, I'm not an expert of simian psychology. You showed much improved control over this existence earlier. In addition, you naturally heal faster, thanks to my chakra. Yet your hands were wounded from a mere half hour of pounding. Whether you know it or not, you want to be in pain, perhaps subconsciously."

"Wonderful. That's just great." He stared at his hands intensely.

"You can't heal them if you don't really want to," Kurama stated.

"What do you want? Or are you just here to annoy me?"

*Snort* "I need to find a way to apologize. Something I have next to no experience with."

"Well, isn't that just swell."

Kurama looked closer at the blond's hands. "… You are an amazingly stubborn individual. I have no idea how you are able to heal your hands, even so slowly, while in such turmoil."

Naruto kept staring at his hands. "Me neither. I'm just too pissed off at the moment to let little things like logic or reality stop me."

"Would you like help?"

"Not from you, no. But I suppose you're it, unless I can imagine up a nurse."

"You are a few decades away from constructing a functional human, let alone one with skills. One with skills you don't have yourself? Impossible."

"How do you know that much about this stuff anyway?"

"I have an area like this of my own, of course. I just can't get to it whenever I'm sealed away. Here-"

Naruto watched his hand knit together. It stung like a mother, but not as bad as it ought to, given what was occurring.

Naruto looked up. "Ten years, huh? With just the cell?"

"I'm not aware of the exact length, but I was lucid enough to track at least five years off of my heartbeat. I didn't realize what was happening for a few hours, as I don't always get information from your surroundings. But once I tried, I could get nothing."

"You counted five years off your heartbeat?"

"I'm very old. I've had to pass time before, just never with complete sensory deprivation."

Naruto shook his head and sighed, "Fuck."

"I'm pretty certain that was the problem," Kurama stated in a voice drier than the Suna desert. "I'll assume you did not mean that as an imperative."

Naruto cocked his head. "Did you make a funny? I'm not sure which makes me feel more uncomfortable, that you are that alien to speech, or that you felt humor was a good idea just now."

"You will have to find out in due time, kit." The man smiled a small, controlled smile, utterly different from the predatory and or lustful ones found on the woman.

Naruto let out a sigh as he gingerly tested his hand. "You still haven't apologized, you know."

The smile faded. "I haven't thought of any suitable way yet. A simple statement recognizing error and declaring regret does not make up for my transgression."

"You can't make up for it. But you can start with the statement and declaration, and work from there. Maybe sometime, far from now, it'll be water under the bridge... Hell, a few months ago, I'd have been begging for more."

"… I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. While I wasn't in my right mind, that does not fully absolve me. I regret the way it happened, even though it needed to happen eventually."

Naruto closed his eyes and shook his head. "Wow, and you were doing so well up to that point. Why the hell did we need to have sex?"

"We needed to bond. It's not as good as your beating me in open combat, but allows both of us to share in one another's power more easily. It also allows me to shape my prison space, excepting the cage and seal themselves. It seems to also have given you a boost to your control over your domain. The real benefits, however, will not make themselves fully apparent for months, years even. The longer we're together, the stronger you and I will grow. Not that I will have any noticeable difference, but you will definitely improve due to it."

"So, when you said it might be too late...?"

"Yes, I was afraid there was no longer time for you to grow with this source of power. Look."

He snapped his fingers, and the forest disappeared, and the sewer returned. It was empty of stagnant water though, and there were large lanterns strung along the walls and bars of the cell, giving off enough light to see the inside of the cage area cleaned of muck.

Kurama gestured towards the bars, and led Naruto towards a new feature. The two walked over to a group of five small wells, sunk into the stone floor. Two were on the inside, two outside, and one straddled directly between the bars. Trenches in the floor carried red and blue neon-glowing fluid from one side to the other.

The well in the middle was purple, as the blue well from outside fed into it, along with the red well from inside. Directly across from each well-spring, a trickle of what was obviously chakra, or something that at least symbolized it, flowed into a deep hole, and out of sight.

"What is that?" Naruto asked, an arm sweeping the area into his question.

"That is a visual and spiritual metaphor for the system that will help you grow, and ease you into using my powers. As I said, it will take some time to do anything noticeable."

"… So is all this what you were trying to tell me about before the test?"

Kurama nodded. "Yes. I had hoped to convince you to bond-mate with me in the near future. I was aware your Hinata would be a concern, but I had expected to give you some time to acclimate to the idea, perhaps have you claim her first-"

"You can stop there. It wouldn't have worked, but I appreciate your concern," the blond said, sounding not even slightly appreciative. "At least you aren't making demands and yelling constantly." Naruto's face scrunched up in thought. "Wait, do you change personalities when you're in different bodies?"

"Not exactly, kit. As I said, don't let the container mold you. However, I am a 'fox demon god chakra-thing', as you once put it. My mood is mercurial. Also, when we first met, I was both still under the lingering effects of Madara's influence, and rather grumpy, as I hadn't had any in almost 17 years."

"Oh... I suppose that's understandable. Wait. Seventeen years? Are you implying you slept with my mom?"

Kurama almost looked nervous. "Hm-hm. Erm, no comment?"

"I can't believe you sexed up my mom!"

"It is important! My jinchuriki are weaker without bonding."

"I can't believe my mom cheated on my dad with a chakra demon god thing!"

"Hey now, we had a relationship well before they got into a relationship, and it's not like she didn't explain things to him," Kurama mollified.

Naruto looked at Kurama, mouth slightly agape, silently blinking. "What."

Kurama frowned, "This is one of the reasons I was waiting to bring up your parents. The three of us had a rather... complicated relationship, to say the least. Of course, this all made the fight the day of your birth very awkward. Your father… accepted your mother and I, but wasn't particularly thrilled about it. Your mother was a pleasant enough host, but I had no interest in staying trapped in her or you for any longer. Then Mr. Sharingan Bastard came and mind whammied me, and I was fighting your parents and village when I just wanted to get the heck away. The whole thing was a disaster of monumental proportions.

"So now, for the last 16 years, I've been stewing in the juices of His hatred and rage. Make no mistake, I'm good at hatred and rage, but it gets old. It's a good thing we made contact, I would have become even darker and more unpleasant in time."

Naruto shook his head vigorously, and seemed to return to 'normal'. "So does this mean you don't want to kill everyone anymore?"

"With a few exceptions, yes. I just want my freedom. Get the hell out of the Elemental Nations for a century or two. I'll figure out how to kill Madara, but besides that? Find a beach with a forest nearby, maybe a village of stupid villagers to seduce occasionally to complete the hat-trick… In the meantime, I have to deal with you, and the situation with these 'Akatsuki' idiots."

"I don't think I can keep up with your shifting moods," the blond said, rubbing his temples.

"I'll settle down some, once I'm finished purging the effects of Madara's control. Another thing our union helped with, most drastically. And you'll adapt. Ah, I think I know something that I can start making it up to you with!"

Naruto looked doubtful.

The man closed his eyes and placed his hands together.

Naruto looked around. Nothing was changing. "Um-"

"Shh."

…

Naruto jumped back as he almost fell into a hot tub filled with ramen that appeared near his feet.

The man had that slight grin again.

Naruto looked at the peace-offering. "Okay. That's... actually a pretty decent start. I'm going to use it later though. Do you have anything else that we need to talk about now?"

"Not immediately, no. But I have many things I need to teach you at some point."

"Alright. I'm going to go back and talk to Jiraiya about his seal, and face Hinata soon, and… I got stuff to do, basically. Can you see outside now? I don't want you going crazy again."

"Yes. I can perceive your surroundings through your senses when I wish to now… I will tell you how to block me, eventually, but now is not the time."

"… Thank you. I'll be back… soonish." That said, the blond disappeared.

oooooo

He awoke in his bed again. The teen tried to set an empty ramen cardboard carton on fire with his mind. Satisfied that this was reality, he went to sit up, but found himself curling into a ball instead.

"And now the tears hit. Fuck," he got out between deep breaths. It wasn't just what Kurama had done. Everything from Sasuke's 'death', nearly killing Haku and sensei (Zabuza could go jump in a lake,) and especially the way everything had shifted under his feet yesterday. It was just too much, all at once…

He held back a sob, and looked at his alarm: 3:17 AM. He needed… something. Someone. Grabbing hold of his emotions, he forced his body to throw on some clothes, and head on out his window. The blond managed to push himself forward into a slow jog towards the Psych department building.

"You must be aware it's after curfew, right? Oh, Uzumaki." An ANBU had noticed him almost immediately, and appeared with the standard efficiency. "I thought you were giving up pranks, wh- … Are you okay?"

"I need to get to my psych-nin. Now."

The ANBU froze for a fraction of a second. Under normal circumstances the blond would have found the momentary panic and lapse of control ironic, if not amusing. But then, under normal circumstances, he wouldn't generate that response. "Right away. May I shunshin you?"

"Please. Thanks."

"Of course. Grab on," the stylized-ant-headed ANBU stuck out an arm.

They took off, making only one brief stop, since the man had a passenger with him. "I'll come with you until someone can see you, all right?"

"Yeah. They're probably going to have to wake someone up."

They walked in the front doors. A man looked up from the front desk, did a double take, and hit a few buttons before getting up and coming to meet them.

"Hello. How can I help you both?"

Ant-san looked at Naruto, who spoke up. "I need to see a counselor… I'm not sure my normal one is cleared for this…"

"Not a problem, you were re-assigned earlier today, in fact. I've got someone fetching them right now. In the meantime, can I get you something to drink? Ramen?"

"Um, some hot chocolate maybe? I'm not hungry."

"Sure, I've got some somewhere. My name is Shinta, by the way," he said, going over to a desk, and grabbing a square of cardboard with a seal on it from the drawer. A moment later, he handed a slowly steaming mug of chocolate to the teen. "Is there something I can do for you, Ant-san?"

"I offered to stay until he was being seen. I'll stay or go as you wish, Naruto."

"You got me here in one piece, I'll be ok now. Thanks," he managed a smile.

"If you're sure then, I'll leave you with Shinta then. Good night." He headed out, back into the pre-dawn morning.

"Would you like to tell me about anything while we wait? It shouldn't be too much longer, maybe ten minutes. Unfortunately, your new counselor wasn't on call tonight or she'd be here already."

"… I guess I can talk in generalities? I guess you wouldn't ask if you weren't cleared for most stuff... I guess everything started going sideways when we went on a mission that was greatly mis-ranked, due to customer fraud. The job qualified as humanitarian though, so we continued when we discovered the truth. I tallied several dozen kills, though that isn't really bothering me much. We had a showdown with an elite jounin, and things went FUBAR. I wouldn't be surprised if some rumors haven't spread already," Naruto looked up at Shinta, searching for an indication.

"Honestly, with my job, I stay well away from rumor mongers. 'Lead me not into temptation' and all. I wouldn't know one way or the other. Are your teammates all right?"

"Yeah, we made it through. We thought Sasuke hadn't, for a while. That's when shit hit the fan... I didn't take it well."

"Hmm. We all react to the loss of a team mate differently."

"I doubt anyone reacts like I did. No one else has the... qualifications," Naruto waved his hands awkwardly before settling on the word.

"Oh…" Shinta swallowed, and Naruto appreciated the man's attempt to stifle his reaction to the news. "That caused some… excitement?"

"It basically flipped the table over. No one was interested in checkers anymore. I seriously hurt one of the enemy combatants, who I had earlier befriended while they were under disguise."

The man took a deep breath and shook his head. "My, sounds like you were living in interesting times."

Naruto chuckled. "Shinta, you have no idea. My definition of interesting times has rescaled so fast recently I have whiplash. All that is just the boring preamble to the actual problems."

"Ah. But you thought you should share this with me anyway... I assume that after the table flipped, your team was eventually victorious?"

"Well, it's the spark that set off all the chaos that happened when I arrived back. But to answer your question, my sensei had started the fight with some weird gambit where he bet our nukenin opponent to join us if we won, with his eye as the collateral if we lost. The pair actually returned with us, and the one I hurt is in the intensive care ward. I haven't been able to see them since I returned, too much going on."

An elderly woman walked through the doorway leading deeper into the building. She took out an earbud, and smiled as she approached the two. "Hello. I'm Chiaki Yamanaka. I'm your new counselor. Sorry for the delay. Let's get you to my office, Naruto," she nodded to Shinta, and offered her hand to the teen.

Naruto took it, and they walked deeper into the building.

oooooo

Noon- Hokage's Office

Smoke wound its way around the office. The Third was on his tenth bowl of tobacco, and his familiar smoke was joined by a rougher, darker cloud, coming from Jiraiya's cigars, of which the Toad Sage had gone through several.

"Damn."

"Hmm?"

"You were right. We shouldn't have told him everything. Not all at once, anyway."

"Your stupidity is showing, Jiraiya-kun. Naruto was handling it acceptably. He would have been fine with a few weeks of down time. We had practically all of his time today devoted to Chiaki's couch. There is literally no way on Kami's green earth we could have predicted the fox bastard going crazy and causing this."

"I should have made the seal less implicit, I tried to make it too dense."

"Oh for crying out loud, Jiraiya, we can't even be sure it's telling the truth! It claims to be over 60,000 years old! It's not human! Naruto can't read that! Hell, I don't trust us to read it once we've got his memories!"

Jiraiya smashed his stub into the ashtray violently. "Ugh, I know. This is a nightmare. How can we trust something that may be so much smarter and more experienced than us, that we can't even deduce its motives?"

"I'm not even sure that I want it to have been honest and upfront about everything. It implies it's unstable... You need to get back to analyzing your seal, we need to verify the time distortion at least."

"I've spent six of the last eight hours looking at every inch of that seal plan. I think I have a lead, but you know I need to be fresh for that. Hell, I haven't had breakfast yet, let alone lunch."

"Yes. I know…" the old man let out a long breath.

An unobtrusive light lit up next to the phone. Sarutobi snatched up the receiver. "Yes? … … Right. Immediately."

He looked over to his apprentice. "Chiaki convinced him to let her copy his memories of talking with the Kyuubi. She'll be up in a moment."

"We should be down there with him."

"He's catching up on sleep at the moment. The moment Chiaki allows it, we'll both be down there. In the meantime, we have work to do."

Another light lit up. "She was fast," Jiraiya commented.

Sarutobi grunted, and unlocked the door. Chiaki stepped in and closed the door behind her. "I hope you two can catch something. I can't read the blasted mongrel."

"Then I expect our only hope is that it states a 'fact' we're able to verify or disprove," Sarutobi said tiredly. "Send us in."

The woman nodded, and ran through a long series of hand seals before poking both men in their temples.

oooooo

The two veterans returned to the here and now. They looked at one another, seriously.

Jiraiya turned to Chiaki, "How is Naruto?" he asked.

"I would imagine the same as the last time I reported," she answered. "He's had some trauma, obviously, but this is pretty minor really. Certainly the details are a bit unusual, but we get a couple dozen cases like this a year-"

"We're well aware of the case numbers, we want to know about him." Sarutobi said gruffly.

"Right. Naruto has taken it pretty well. He's resilient. The fact that he was a victim of an unstoppable force of nature apparently prevented him from feeling particularly weak or vulnerable, although the fact that he has to be in close proximity to it frequently is worrisome. He told us immediately, so he won't recriminate himself for hiding the abuse… If he didn't insist that he had to keep visiting the bastard, it would be an open and shut case. With everything that happened in one day though, on top of it, I'd say let me work with him this week, then give him an extra week before active duty again."

"That quick?" Jiraiya asked.

"You wouldn't question me if he was anyone else. You tapped me for a reason, correct?"

"Correct, Chiaki. We will leave you to it," Sarutobi declared.

"Hai."

"Well, that was…" the Hokage began once she left the room, before sighing and stopping.

"Frustrating," Jiraiya finished for him. "Yes, we learned much, but the bastard is a black box! There's no telling if it was completely honest, or if the fox is just too alien to get a read on!"

"Though I certainly don't recall being informed that our Jinchuriki was in a relationship with our Bijuu, sexual or otherwise!"

"Sensei, we're talking about Kushina. If she was invited to a orgy with every other Kage in attendance, she would have gone and told us squat if she felt like it."

Sarutobi blinked a few times, then frowned. "Thank you for painting that image with a woman who was like a granddaughter to me."

"Heck, she was like a younger cousin to me, doesn't mean she wasn't a wild child."

"Yes, and after issue #57 we all know your feelings about cousins, don't we?"

"Ugh, I have got to get a PR agent. You know I don't like every kink I publish…"

"Let's re-focus, please." the old man drummed his fingers on the table.

"…" Jiraiya frowned.

"…" Sarutobi agreed.

"Actually…"

"What?"

"Now that I'm thinking about Kushina, some of the stuff she and Minato would say now and then takes on a new light if viewed under the assumption that she was banging her Bijuu."

"Never say that phrase again. I will make it a law, if need be."

"Yes sensei!" Jiraiya mock saluted.

"I mean it. Now tell me what the hell you're talking about."

Jiraiya grabbed another cigar and stuck it in his mouth, giving it a nibble. "Nothing I can point to definitively. Just… Damn it, I'm gonna have to say I believe the furball on that one. Especially with the addition to the cage, Naruto seems certain that wasn't there before. This 'bonding' thing has to be heavy if it can bend the rules of Minato's seal."

"… Sweet Kami. I can't believe those two omitted all of this. Kushina perhaps, but I chose Minato to be Hokage."

"A man will do a lot for the woman he loves. He'd look the other way as long as it didn't become relevant."

"Well it doesn't fucking get much more relevant than this, does it‽ He could have at least written it in the black archives while he had the hat!"

"Are you sure he didn't?"

"Don't be stupid, Jiriaya… Ugh, I suppose I better go do it."

"Do what? I'll trade you checking the seal for it," Jiraiya suggested hopefully.

"Really? Well, I suppose you could have tea with Hiashi…"

"Ouch, offer retracted. You going to bring him into this because of Hinata?"

"More or less. I owe it to Naruto to see where the man sits regarding the two of them. Chiaki already asked to bring Hinata in for a session or two of Naruto's therapy. It will also probably be best if I reassign her to Chiaki full time, if they are actually going to be a couple. None of which will be missed by Hiashi, of course."

"Of course. So a preemptive tea strike, huh? Good luck. You mind if I study the seal in here while you're gone?"

"It should be your office already, if you'd just accept the damn hat," Sarutobi replied. "Just keep your feet off the desk," he called over his shoulder, as he exited the office.

oooooo

The Third Hokage walked down the sidewalk at a casual civilian pace, greeting residents and the occasional ninja that crossed his path. It was a nice relief from the current emergency, on top of all the work going on to prepare for the chunin exams.

He turned a corner and came within sight (his sight, anyway) of the front gate of the Hyuuga compound. While he was certain key members already knew he was in the area, the 'guards' posted at the gate were always professional. He didn't mind this part of the song and dance too much. In addition, if he was lucky, he might get to see one make an expression today!

Coming closer, Hiruzen recognized the two on duty, as they turned to greet him at an appropriate- and practiced- distance.

"Hokage-sama! Good afternoon! It is good to see you about!"

"Not as good as it is to be out of the office! May I inquire if Hiashi-san is in? I had hoped to speak with him. I understand if he is busy, I haven't made an appointment…"

One almost blinked, but caught himself. "I am sure Hiashi-sama has time to meet with you, Hokage-sama. As you know, you are always welcome here. Please allow me to show you in."

"Ah, wonderful."

The two walked up the path, and eventually entered the opulent front room of the main building, where they were met by a Hyuuga-clanswoman.

"Greetings, Hokage-sama. Hiashi-san will be out momentarily. Can I get you something in the meantime?"

"I'm always partial to those ginger biscuits you keep on hand, I wouldn't mind nibbling on one," Hiruzen smiled.

"Of course."

The Hokage sat in one of the many seats provided, thankful that they were as comfortable as they were elegant.

oooooo

He had barely started his second cookie when Hiashi swept into the room. "My apologies for the delay, Hokage-sama, I was training Hanabi-chan when you arrived."

"No need for apologies, I came unannounced. I had a sudden urge to take you up on one of your many offers of tea."

"Yes, he blinked!" Hiruzen cheered mentally.

"How lovely! You so rarely allow me to show you our hospitality! The garden is lovely at the moment, or would you prefer the teal room?"

"Do you still have that Suna war fan in the lavender room? I always have admired it."

"Ah. Of course, the lavender room it is." Hiashi declared, and led them back towards it.

oooooo

Hiruzen waited until they had both been served, then raised his cup, before taking a sip. "Ahh, I really ought to take you up on this more often, Hiashi-san. You always manage to have the most wonderful tea."

"My, high praise coming from you." Hiashi took a sip as well, and continued once the server exited the room. "How may I be of service?"

"Do you mind if I check the room?"

Hiashi blinked. Twice. "If you feel it necessary, of course you may."

"Thank you for indulging me." Sarutobi set down the tea and withdrew a folded seal. "A new model, has very good results so far." He unfolded and activated it.

A moment later, the two men heard three muted pops come from inside the table, and then tiny whisps of smoke.

"He's frowning! Jackpot!"

"I see I owe you gratitude. I… had not realized that things had progressed to this point. Your arrival today may be quite fortuitous."

"Have an over-ambitious relative or two, Hiashi? Well, I'm glad to have helped. Be that as it may, I have avoided speaking to you on a topic, and recent events press me forward."

"Oh?" Hiashi asked. Hiruzen noticed the man was noticeably distracted. The bugs must have been more of a surprise than he thought, for Hiashi, known for his poker face, to let his guard down.

"Yes. You are, of course, aware your daughter and Naruto-kun are 'dating'?"

"Of course."

"And while we pretended to be subtle for Hinata-chan's piece of mind; you no doubt are aware of her attending counseling."

"Yes, I was wondering how long you would take to do it."

It was Hiruzen's turn to blink. "Oh?"

"Yes. As you are no doubt aware of, the Hyuuga clan is not completely stable. There is a faction of radical main-house and disenfranchised branch-house members who have banded together to try installing a new head family."

"I had been aware of it, three years ago. This is still an issue?"

"Perhaps I am able to keep up appearances too well? I'm afraid I do have some ambitious relatives, and they have proven annoyingly competent. That you have been unaware of this is unacceptable, and I apologize for not bringing it to your attention."

"What is the situation? I do assume you would have sent some word if it was out of control?"

Hiashi sighed and took a sip. "I suppose I deserve that… So far, all the action has been completely cold. Certainly no violence, nor do I expect any until everything is aligned in their favor. I expect they'll swap me out for whoever is on top at the moment. Right now I'm mostly dealing with political shuffling, for position and advantage. I find my actions constrained, for fear of driving more loyalists into the arms of the instigators. Leading, amongst other issues, to the suffering of my daughter, whom almost the entirety of the clan finds weak, and undeserving of leadership. I failed her; I did not understand her when she was younger, and now that I understand my failings, I can't reach out to her, lest the whole clan fall apart."

"What are they promising the branch?"

"Whatever they wish to hear. Lies. I do not know which of my family wishes to replace me, but I am the most liberal of the main family, and should I be replaced, the branch shall find themselves the worse for it."

Sarutobi nodded, knowing Hiashi really was relatively liberal- a scary thought in itself, but not as bad as the idea of one of his relatives in charge of the clan.

"Regardless, I will not allow my clan to succumb to internal bickering, or become reckless and share the fate of the Uchiha. When I discover how deep the infestation has spread, heads will roll."

"That is your prerogative. Can my position or services be of use?"

"I said we won't share the fate of the Uchiha."

The sentence hung in the air with more weight than the simple words ought to have had.

Sarutobi sighed, "What happened is not the task we laid out for him. I've just learned that Madara may yet live."

Hiashi took a deep breath, "That… changes everything, does it not? … Damn."

He seemed deep in thought. "Change is coming. Is Jiraiya's offer still open?"

"For a modified seal? Of course."

Hiashi studied the old man for nearly a full minute. "Perhaps it is time. I have made no real progress in months." He removed a sheet of steel engraved with a storage seal from within his robes, and handed it over. "Hopefully, all he should need is within."

"You've been ready for this?"

"I will do what it takes to get the Hyuuga through this. Whispers of Madara, Orochimaru, Akatsuki… I'm afraid of the times ahead."

The Hokage nodded, and finished his tea.

"We started though, on the topic of Hinata-chan and Uzumaki."

"Yes. In light of these revelations, I suppose you are not against her receiving help, or their relationship?"

"I am forced to appear indifferent towards her at best. Please help her however you think necessary. It is fairly obvious now that I'm not able to bring out her full potential. I'm not even that suitable as her parent to be honest, but one can no more choose their children than one can choose their parents... I might need to show token protest over anything blatant. Personally, I think she has the potential to make a decent, if unorthodox, clan head."

"I really ought to have taken you up on tea earlier."

"Perhaps. Perhaps I should have insisted."

oooooo

"Big news, Jiraiya-kun!" Hiruzen started the moment the door clicked shut, and the buzz indicative of the privacy seals could be heard.

"Mine first!" Jiraiya said, pouring himself a saucer of sake. "I found the guilty expression! This is fascinating; it might have advanced seal making a decade or two overnight!"

"Hmm, that is good news! So you can confirm that the fox experienced additional subjective time?"

"Yes, though as we've been over, I'm not even sure that's a good thing."

"It's more information, anyway. However, I have even bigger news."

"Ree~eeally? That would be impressive," Jiraiya said before knocking back his drink.

"Yes. I've got a few bottles of good stuff coming up behind me."

Jiraiya hesitated. "Are we celebrating, or mourning?"

"Little of both; here, open this up, and let's see what's inside," Hiruzen said rather impatiently, tossing the sheet of steel over. "The contents will probably determine it for us."

"For me, sensei? Not even my birthday yet…" poof "Paperwork. Thanks. Wait… Holy! ... How?"

"Hiashi handed them over. Seems there is internal strife in his clan. Bad enough to hand you some of the details of their seal, apparently. I'm calling a meeting about it in half an hour."

"Oh, it's far worse than that old man. I think he's given me everything. Give me a few minutes, and I can activate the pain and kill triggers."

Hiruzen closed his eyes and dropped into his chair. "I've been too old for this shit for much too long. Fine. We'll sit on this for a day or two before I call the meeting. Things can't be that shit, or he would have approached us already. This means…?"

"You need to get some sleep, you've been up since four, and we were up reminiscing till midnight…" the seal master rebuked distractedly. "What it means is, there's not a big chance of fighting, but he doesn't think anything short of a miracle can defuse this long term," Jiraiya explained, only half paying attention to their conversation. He carefully scanned the pages in the top folder, mostly containing diagrams detailing one of the most guarded secrets of sealing in the world.

"This is… beautiful. Confusing too, they haven't updated it in… ever?" He whistled. "This would have been the single greatest piece of seal craftsmanship when it was made, but I can definitely improve some stuff. I can't talk about modifying the functionality yet, but…"

Hiruzen rolled his eyes, "I'm glad you're having fun."

"I'm going to take a rain check on that booze. There's reams of stuff here, I think he literally gave us everything they had on it. Notify me when I can see our gaki, otherwise I'm going to be engrossed in this. Along with the other discovery, I've got at least a year's worth of studying to do."

"Fine. I think I'll go down to see him. Won't hurt to be there when he wakes up."

"Good idea. Now get out of your office."

oooooo

Next Day

Choji, Shino, and Shikamaru sat in their hangout. Choji was spinning a potato chip, of all things, on his finger with chakra, while the other two used kunai.

"Do you think we should go find them? It's almost ten! They better not be making out," Choji complained, flicking the chip into his mouth and pulling out another from his ever-present bag.

"Are you sure Naruto is back in town Shino? He's been on his troublesome C-rank for over a month."

"Hai. Kurenai-sensei told Hinata that she had heard team seven was back. She said that according to rumor, they had some issues carrying out the mission."

"No, not Naruto. Surely he would never run into issues." Shikamaru emoted.

"The guy could find a sour drop in a box of gummy worms," Choji observed.

Their attention suddenly focused on Hinata, who came through the window.

"It is about time. I imagine you've been finding Naruto?" Shino prompted.

"Not- not exactly. Some stuff happened? I'm supposed to visit Na- Naruto in the psych ward, and-"

"WHAT?" Choji shouted, as Shikamaru and Shino leapt to their feet.

"I don't know! She wouldn't tell me until I went, and I refused until I could tell you guys…"

"Jeez, alright, it's going to be fine. He's too hard headed to be out of commission long, right?" Shikamaru joked. "We'll all go and see him together, he probably got upset that they cancelled his favorite ramen flavor or something."

"I do- don't think she'll like that…"

"Well, whoever this lady is can spin on it," Choji declared with matching gesture.

"Oh really?" Chiaki had the top half of her body hanging inside the club.

Choji and Shino tensed, while Hinata let out a "Meep!"

Shikamaru groaned. "You? Please tell me you aren't in charge of Naruto."

"I am, but don't worry, it's only a precaution due to his status."

"Who is she, Shikamaru?" Shino asked, his whole body emitting an eerie buzzing noise, obviously still on edge.

"She's Ino's great aunt, or something, and probably the top psychiatrist in the village. When I was fourteen, she convinced me, of my own free will, to clean my room. I was almost done with it before I realized what I was doing."

The other three genin looked at her in fear and awe.

She snorted. "There won't be any swiveling, but I may be able to use you all. Not to mention, if your group is guilty of only half of the stuff some of us suspect, we'd have a rough time keeping you out anyway. Let's go, I'll explain what I can when we're behind closed doors."

oooooo

"So, you still haven't actually told us why Naruto went nutty," Shikamaru complained. "He obviously made it through the whole possession episode if he woke up and walked back home with his team."

"There's not much I can explain," the old woman shrugged. "You aren't classified to know the whole story."

"We already know he's a jinchuriki, how much more could there be to it?" Choji demanded.

Shikamaru looked embarrassed by the question, and Chiaki snorted. "You're upset about your friend, so I'll pretend you didn't say something monumentally stupid, alright?"

Choji frowned and crossed his arms.

"How are we supposed to talk to him if we don't know what topics to avoid?" Shino asked, fishing for information.

"Honestly, he's not made of glass. He's mostly under watch because of his status. He had a bad panic attack after a shitty week, and the Hokage and Jiraiya-sama are making a big deal out of it."

"Then he's going to be OK?" Hinata finally spoke up.

"Yes. I don't want to belittle what he's gone through, he's had a really awful month, and just so we're clear, he did the right thing to come to us. A panic attack can be just as bad as an enemy genjutsu. However, it's relatively easy to treat compared to some of the things we have to deal with."

Chiaki sighed. "The only thing that is really going to be unavoidable for you to find out is that the fox isn't feral, as we thought. It's been… conversing with Naruto, and some of the things it's brought to light have been stirring up a lot of problems, not only for Naruto, either."

"Wait, what?" Choji burst out.

"It's news to everyone." Chiaki answered, "I don't have much more info, and what I do have is way above you. This changes almost everything we thought we knew about bijuu."

Choji blinked, then shook his head while Shikamaru rubbed his temples. Shino's hive hummed noisily, while Hinata tapped her fingers together nervously.

The old woman sighed. "Alright, I guess it's time. Go on in." Chiaki gestured to the door they had all been looking at occasionally.

The teens looked at one another, and Shikamaru finally frowned and walked over to open the door.

It revealed a pleasant enough, if relatively spartan, room, and their favourite blond loudmouth seemingly stuck upside down against a wall, eyes closed, doing some sort of exercise with dumbbells, though it was hard to tell which muscle group it would train, seeing as he was he was fighting gravity at 180 degrees off ordinary. "Can it wait, Granny? I want to get another gross of reps in."

Choji decided to break the ice. "You look sane enough. Chips?" He held out a bag.

Naruto opened one eye. "Hmm? Oh. Hey." He dropped the bells and fell off the wall, only to spring off his hands and, after a tuck and spin, land on his feet.

"Um. Yeah, so, sorry I haven't dropped by. I've kinda had 'one of those weeks'." He gave a half hearted grin and rubbed the back of his head.

Shikamaru snorted. "Sounds like 'one of those months', not that they'll tell us anything of importance."

Naruto shrugged. "Yeah… It's been a bit too interesting being me lately. What have they told you anyway?" he walked towards Hinata, who had been reverting to many of her old habits, and wouldn't seem to look anyone in the eye. He didn't stop until she couldn't ignore him, and leaned slightly and kissed her forehead. "Sorry for giving you a scare."

He scooped her up and was sitting on the bed with her in his arms almost faster than his friends could track.

There was a moment of confusion as the boys processed what they had seen. Hinata seemed preoccupied with a whole body blush.

"That was impressive speed, what all have you been up to?" Shino asked.

Naruto looked up from his girlfriend looking slightly confused. "What do you mean? … Oh. Was I faster just now?"

"Yes." Hinata had answered from within his embrace, looking slightly more relaxed, though still awfully red.

Naruto looked back at her and grinned. "Probably all that dodging training Kakashi had us do. He pushed us hard. We had to oppose an A-rank ex-kiri seven-swordsman and his senbon-slinging partner, who was no slouch either. Probably high B-rank on her own, she compliments him well."

"Naruto, you went on a C-rank bodyguard assignment." Shikamaru pointed out.

"I'm aware. However, by the time it was done, we had completed an A-rank national defense and humanitarian mission, with a sprinkling of corporate espionage and bandit population control. I think I have the pay stub on me somewhere. Back pocket, maybe?"

His male friends gave him a look, while Hinata was still busy melting in his arms. Naruto seemed to be paying most of his attention to her as well, not that they blamed him.

"Don't worry, you'll be this quick in a few months probably. Heck, if you want, I can train you, all it takes is a few hundred of my clones throwing stones at you for a few hours a day for a week."

Shikamaru looked sick at the thought, and Choji winced. "While surprising, your newfound speed isn't why we're here, and you know it. Stop trying to distract us," Shino said imperatively.

"All I'm doing is cuddling my girlfriend and answering your questions. If you don't like the questions you're asking, why don't you take a minute and decide on the order of them? I'm not going anywhere for a while, or so I'm told."

Shikamaru groaned. "Naruto, stop playing silly buggers with us. Chiaki's basically told us that you're fine. So what happened that made you want to check yourself in?"

Naruto chuckled. "Had a panic attack. Never had one before. Well, I did when we fought Mizuki, but with everything going on, I didn't even realize it then, or recognize it for what it was until this morning."

"We already knew that. Well, the first bit."

"Oh, so she did tell you a few things. Huh, I just realized I had another panic attack right after I thought Sasuke had been killed. Probably what let tall, red, and furry to leak out," Naruto mused.

Choji butted in. "That's kinda news, in a context and meta-data-ish way, but Chiaki already gave the broad outlines of your mission."

Naruto grunted, rolled his eyes and took one hand off Hinata long enough to snap his fingers. A clone appeared, and Naruto pulled Hinata into a tighter hug. "Cuddle Times Now. Pester other me."

The newest Naruto looked down on the pair. "Seriously? I really hate me sometimes… OK, look, we've established I had a pretty hellish mission, the furball kinda-sorta possessed me but not really for about ten minutes, I thought my teammate had gotten killed, I nearly killed my sensei, etc. etc. Well, on top of that, I met the Kyuubi, his name is Kurama, he's several tens of thousands of years old, he's been handing down ancient secrets from Waaay before the hidden villages era and when I got home, I learned that -OW, fu-!"

The clone poofed out, and everyone not laying in bed tensed, trying to figure out what happened.

A moment later Naruto slapped a hand against his head. "Shit, that stings!"

"What? Are you alright?"

The blond winced and shook his head for a moment before growling. "I'm fine. Apparently I can't tell you that. Stupid Sannin…"

"What do you mean you can't tell us? Since when have you cared about rules?"

"Which Sannin?" Shino butted in.

"... Apparently I can't tell you about why I can't tell you. And I now find I really care about rules when they're backed up by instant migraines." He turned to Shino, "Jiraiya. Not likely to be the other two, is it?"

"That's not very helpful, Naruto."

"Use your big brain, Shikamaru. I didn't say I won't tell you, I said I can't. Figure it out." He returned to smiling back at Hinata, who slowly started to relax, but was biting her lip worriedly.

"Wha?" Shikamaru scrunched his face in confusion a moment before he went even more slack. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'." Naruto snapped his fingers again, and a clone appeared. "Yeah, that's classy. Going to do that from now on. Try not to give me a headache this time." The blond returned to his study of Hinata's neck, previously interrupted. Satisfied that he had memorized the look of it, he decided to see how it tasted.

The standing Naruto scowled at his prime-self, before turning to his male friends.

Shikamaru sighed and continued. "So, that explains a lot, and yet nothing."

The clone grunted. "Doesn't it just. Unfortunately, while we could probably play 20 questions to find the limits of what I can't say, I'm going to be frank and say that some of this stuff I actually agree with not letting you in on. And I'm not just saying that because our conversation is doubtlessly being recorded, and will be monitored by Chiaki, and probably by the Hokage, who, you know, told me not to tell you this stuff."

Shikamaru groaned and ran his hands through his hair. "So we just have to accept that you had a panic attack based mostly on meeting the Kyuubi and having it whisper eldritch secrets in your ear?"

The clone blinked a few times. "That's… not particularly accurate, but metaphorically and thematically… sure, let's go with that… And now I'm really hoping Kurama doesn't start sprouting tentacles, or decorate my soulspace with impossible angles for a laugh," the clone said, looking as if it had a foul taste in its mouth.

Shino interrupted. "Why don't you just tell us everything from the beginning, leaving out whatever?"

"That's a long story."

"None of us have anywhere to be, and you love telling stories."

oooooo

"... at which point I got paid, and headed to see Hokage-sama, and basically everything interesting between then and now is super-duper-double-dog-dare classified," the clone finished.

"... Please tell me the bit with the flying monkey summons and the animated golem bodyguards disguised as scarecrows was a joke," Shino said.

Hinata giggled, laying on top of her boyfriend who seemed to be napping after nearly half an hour of 'cuddling' while his clone spun a story. "Yes, and so was the bit with the fight between the lion and the armored woodsman… What? Naruto kept chuckling whenever his clone made something up."

The clone sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Look, this is only tangentially related, so hopefully I can explain this bit…"

His friends refocused, interested in the clone's change of mood.

"As a jinchuriki, we knew I could become a target for bounty hunters and the like. Well, part of the revelations kind of tie in with a group Konoha's intelligence arm has been following. There are some heavy hitters after all of the biju in a convoluted power play or something. That means you all need to man up."

"Wait, what?" Choji asked.

"All of us have been slacking. Except for Hinata, who's been held back. But we know about that," the Naruclone waved his hand back and forth. "My friends don't get the luxury of getting to swim in the shallow pool for long. I have to assume that people will be after me the moment they realize I'm a container. Which means you're all at risk. I won't insult you by asking you to distance yourselves. You are all clan head heirs, you have large shoes to fill. You need to start filling them quickly."

He turned to Shikamaru. "The academy thought Sakura was the smartest student. Bullshit! She has remarkable memory, and isn't bad, but you can outthink most jonin. We are going to need your brain… I am going to need you if I want to live long. I'm sorry, but you don't have the luxury of pretending you can be lazy. You were always going to have to run the clan anyway."

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "Damn it Naruto. I like being lazy."

"Come on, you knew it wouldn't last forever."

The teen let out a long sigh. "Yeah. But it was fun while it lasted. What kind of timeframe are we talking about anyway?"

The clone shrugged, "Don't know. Not sure if anyone knows. I need all of you to get Asuma and Kurenai to step up your training. I can put you through the stuff Kakashi's shown me, like the dodge training, and it's not as if you all haven't been working hard already. If we can get all of you to a safe chakra capacity, perhaps I can teach you the basic shadow clone technique. It won't quite double your training speed, but it has amazing utility."

Shikamaru nodded. "I'll try and work out a plan."

"Good. Now I need to talk to my girlfriend."

There was a moment of silence.

"I meant in private. I'll probably be out in a day or two. I kind of doubt our team is going to be sent on duty for at least a week or so. We'll have time. Shoo." The clone was looking at Hinata with a weak smile as he waved absently at the door.

Choji chuckled, and headed towards the door. "Fine then. I can see when I'm not wanted," he grinned. He grabbed the other two by the arms and pulled them out.

The door clicked closed, and the reclining Naruto opened his eyes as the clone vanished. "I still need to tell you some stuff."

"Yeah. I gathered that. Or you could just keep holding me."

"Yesterday they ran some tests on me to analyse the shroud I was producing. Apparently it reacted with my seal. Kurama got put into an accelerated time dilation thing? I don't fully understand it, but she was locked in total sensory deprivation for ten years."

"How horrible! Ten years… Wait, she?"

"Kurama is a chakra construct thing that gained sentience. Maybe? It's complicated. Kurama is whatever gender it wants to be. And its nature is very much like the mythical kitsune."

"Huh. I think I'm with you so far."

"I wonder how much they'll let me say… oh screw it."

Suddenly Hinata was being held by Naruko. "Don't ask, it's Jiraiya's fault. I'm not the first jinchuriki to hold Kurama. Apparently we need to 'bond' in order for the seals and stuff to work right. Anyway, I visited Kurama right after she had been cut off from the world for what seemed to her to be 10 years, and she didn't ask permission."

Hinata blinked before rolling over so that they were looking at one another. "Didn't ask about what?" She looked at Naruko's face.

"Oh. Oh hell. And you're feeling guilty now? I'm so sorry." She hugged her boyfriend, tears forming.

"I'm sorry."

"No. Never. That's not-"

"Not just for that. Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?" She started crying to. "This is supposed to be the good times. Our gennin years. And it's all turning to ash in my mouth. And now you're getting hurt too."

"Shhh. It's going to work out."

The two lay there, hugging, letting out the tears.