Story Number 8: Anchor
This story was written for the fourth annual charity event by the 'Fandom for Lymphoma and Leukemia Society' (Fandom4LLS).
Winning a battle against cancer is difficult but I believe that the battle to live life to the fullest after that is as difficult if not more. You need your anchors for that.
Despair, sorrow, pain, and turmoil were a few of what Harry Potter was feeling, conspicuously absent though, was hope. This was supposed to be a great day. A day when his troubles were finally laid to rest, but he felt as if he was drifting. He felt as if he was being buffeted all around and was without his anchors to reality.
Harry always felt as if he was born to suffer; almost from the time he was just a year old, he saw nothing but pain and neglect. He probably would have been fine if his parents survived and taken care of him but his very first anchor snapped at the tender age of fifteen months. Then again, being left on the doorstep of magic hating relatives would not make his life a bed of roses.
Even from the time he was aware, he knew that he was different and that was only emphasized by the abhorrent behaviour of his aunt and uncle. His life was never easy and while toddlers and infants struggled to walk, Harry had to struggle to run, away from the lashing hands of his aunt and uncle. He was called a freak and treated with derision by his relatives, thankfully the abuse was less physical as he became aware of the world around him. It could also have been due to his ability to dodge expertly.
Harry felt that his salvation was near when he came to know that he was a wizard and would be learning magic. After all, if he was indeed a wizard then it was only natural that he would find his true calling, friends, and maybe even a family in that world. Therefore, Harry was immensely happy to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
His hopes however came crashing down as he felt his treatment was not too different from what he had at his relatives' hands. In the wizarding world he was called the 'Boy-Who-Lived' and either treated with awe or with contempt. His friends were the same, either too trusting in his supposed greatness or tolerated him due to his fame, but very few called him Harry the boy or Harry the young man, the one name that he knew belonged to him as was given by his parents.
His time at Hogwarts could have been called fun, if he did indeed have fun. Most of the time, he was forced to fight for his existence, let alone have the time to enjoy himself. Every move he made, every thought of his was towards only one goal and that was for his continued survival. He was always under the scanner and scrutiny of both his peers and the public in general, and unfortunately for him, it was never for his benefit. When the whole world and some of his friends turned against him, he had the same feeling as he was feeling today, one of being tossed in a storm of emotions. But then he had his anchors to keep him sane but now he was not so sure.
When he was made aware that the fate of the entire world was on his shoulders, Harry's thoughts turned not just to survive but also to win, maybe heavily biased towards winning rather than surviving. His one purpose was now clear to him and until he achieved it, Harry knew that he could never really live, and that was only possible after the death of the dark lord Voldemort.
There would be no difference as to the reasons why he had to put the threat of Lord Voldemort to rest once and for all, whether it was done in revenge to his parents death or whether it was to save the world that gave him a sense of belonging or whether it was for some glorified sense of duty. He did not know nor did he care; he only knew his purpose in surviving the fateful night when his parents were killed, and that was to get the wizarding world rid of a deep seated darkness. The main catalyst for which was Lord Voldemort.
Thankfully, Harry had people around him who he relied upon in his dark times, which were many through the years at Hogwarts. His best friend Hermione, his best mate Ron who brought with him his whole family, his godfather Sirius, a surrogate uncle Remus, and not to mention the teachers at Hogwarts of whom Dumbledore was prominent.
Harry was confident that he could and would bear the burden put on him with the support he had from those around him. Even though his life at Hogwarts was a struggle, often for his life, at the end of it all he had his anchors to rely on.
Just like Lord Voldemort had his soul anchors to tether him to the living world, Harry used his anchors to keep him sane, keep him tied to reality against all the pain and all the hurt he faced in his short life. It was due to them that Harry got used to all the pain and suffering heaped on him. With his close friends and people who actually cared for him, Harry was able to relax and enjoy and make something out of the support he had. Unfortunately for Harry, the usual business of his life never took a break and things went from bad to worse.
Harry's first loss, the second time happened in his fifth year at Hogwarts, his godfather went down fighting against the dark lord's minions. Sirius was after all the only parental figure he knew and his loss hit Harry hard, more so as it was his stupidity that in a way led to Sirius' death.
Perhaps not as heart-breaking as Sirius' death, but the murder of their headmaster and the one person who could have helped Harry the best, was still painful. Albus Dumbledore was widely regarded as the most powerful wizard after Merlin, but to Harry he was a mentor and the grandfather he never knew. That anchor was snapped right before his eyes and Harry could do nothing.
Next was the girl who promised him a life after all the madness was over, Ginny Weasley. Seeing her in the arms of one of his dorm mates not even a month after their break up, left him adrift a little more. Looking at the Marauder's map day in and day out had its uses. What hurt him more was that she was ready to dump her current boyfriend just on a whim after Harry was victorious, how could Harry agree to that?
But above all else, even above the death of his godfather, his mentor, and his parents what hurt Harry the most was the desertion of his best mate. The one guy who Harry considered to be a brother in all but blood left Hermione and him high and dry during the horcrux hunt when they needed help the most. It is said that the measure of a man can be found when they were forced into troubles and Ron Weasley was found wanting. Was it a wonder that Harry never allowed him back into his life again? It was a betrayal one too many for the already fragile heart of Harry Potter.
Even through all of this, one thought, one purpose and one aim always kept him moving, always kept him awake and aware. That was his destiny. From the time he knew that he was the only one, who was prophesied to kill Voldemort, he had a purpose. He would only be free either by fulfilling what was expected of him or if he himself was killed in the process. In the recess of his mind, Harry felt that he was born for only one thing and that was what he managed to accomplish this day.
After a year of struggle, his purpose was finally filled. He achieved what he was born for, he killed Voldemort.
The fight was brutal, it was long, and it was emotionally painful. Even then Harry had no fear of the fight, the fight to survive against Lord Voldemort. He prepared himself, he was prepared to kill or be killed; his one goal was not just to survive but to win. Win vehemently so that no one ever dared to do what the dark lord Voldemort did and terrorize everyday witches and wizards ever again. His purpose drove him, even the lack of sleep or lack of food never slowed him down in his drive to kill Voldemort.
Harry did not know at that time, but he had something that Voldemort did not have, and that was a lack of fear over his own death. In a way, he knew that he was no match to the most feared dark wizard, the brutal murderer of his parents, but he still had to do what he was born to and that instinct to survive, to win, drove him beyond his pain and his fear.
None of the everyday things mattered to Harry. His one desire, his one focus, and his purpose pushed him far beyond the capability of a teenager. His goal for freedom and his desire to give a better life for the people of the British wizarding world, fuelled his stubborn will to live against all odds. He was prepared to spend a lifetime, a life without love or a family, to fulfil his purpose if only his anchors were there to keep him grounded.
The journey was filled with a great many losses. For him personally, it was more as he lost almost all of his tethers to sanity and that was his current predicament. Without his drive, without his purpose, and without his anchors, Harry was seriously beginning to lose his will to live.
He was alone in the Gryffindor boys' dorm a couple of hours after the final battle and the defeat of the dark lord Voldemort. He could hear the voices of people celebrating and also the voices of people crying over their lost ones, still, he felt as if he was the only one in the world.
He knew that he was in pain, and he had to rest. Harry knew that he had his life before him now that Voldemort was dead and that he had to look forward to the next day. But he was simply unable to.
Now, that he fulfilled his purpose, the walls around him began to close, he felt useless. Harry did not know where to turn to or what to do, as he had no purpose anymore. The one thing that kept him moving, kept him fighting against all odds, was not there to drive him forward anymore. He was drifting without a rudder and the feeling was so suffocating that Harry felt as if he was drowning.
Before panic could set in, Harry heard a timid but very familiar voice calling out to him. He stretched his neck to find Hermione standing at the threshold but what broke his heart was the fear, the uncertainty, and the overwhelming sorrow in her eyes. The once strong woman was reduced to a whimpering and frightened doe.
If there was someone who lost almost as much as him during their stay at Hogwarts, it was Hermione. Unless and until she could reverse the memory charm on her parents' she was essentially an orphan just like him. And just as he lost all his anchors, so did Hermione. In fact, Harry realized that what all he saw as his own anchors were in a way Hermione's too. Their lives were intertwined to such an extent and it was very frightening to Harry. He felt so helpless but at the same time he did not want Hermione to feel that.
Without a word, Harry scooted back and held the quilt open in an invitation. With a relieved smile, Hermione nearly ran to the bed he was on and snuggled into him, she laid down to sleep with her head on Harry's chest. The two teens released a contented sigh, happy in each other's embrace as they were since Ron's desertion.
Looking at his best friend, the young woman in his arms, Harry realized that his one main anchor was still intact. The one witch who stood by his side throughout his ordeal was still with him, and hopefully will be with him for the rest of their lives. Harry was determined to see that she was there with him until the day he or she died, he could not accept anything else, not after coming so far and losing so much. It dawned onto Harry that he still had a purpose and that was to see Hermione happy, and if he had to spend a lifetime making her happy, Harry vowed to do so.
Maybe, just maybe, he would find his own happiness along the way…