Hey guys, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as I enjoyed writing it. Much love RSD xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.
"Well it is up to you Mal-" Ben started as we closed the limousine door behind us.
"What is?" I questioned as I pulled one brow up in confusion.
"I thought it would be nice to go for a walk; but if we do that people will see us together" he advised, and I watched as he nervously fidgeted with the rings on his right hand.
"I see" I noted. Yes, he was right people would see us together; but it was obvious that neither of us wanted to leave each other's company just yet.
"Erm-" I started.
"What is the alternative?" I asked.
"Take you home or we could go back to mine?" he advised.
"Hmm" I stated.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" I questioned.
"I don't mind" he smiled but I could tell that he was hoping that I would accept.
"I just don't want to put you under any pressure" he advised. I then started to think whether it bothered me whether people saw us together and I quickly come to a decision. It didn't matter to me anymore; yes rumours were going to start flying but I was used to this by now. I was more concerned about Ben; things were just starting from where we left them. Yes we both had a long way to go but I wanted to spend time with Ben and see where this was going to go. Yes I still had the worry that I wasn't enough; but I had to still let me and Ben try - he was the only one that could make me feel the way he did.
"What is on your mind Mal?" he asked which broke me out of my train of thought.
"I don't really want to go home" I advised.
"Right?" he prompted.
"So how about we go for a walk?" I smiled happily.
"Really?" he asked in shock.
"What if we are seen?" he questioned.
"I can deal with it" I shrugged.
"I did before" I reminded him.
"Ok" he grinned.
"Let's go for a walk" he added eagerly, and he nodded to his driver, Dawson. I couldn't help but grin at Ben as he playfully nudged me - maybe things could work after all.
When we arrived at Auradon Park there was thankfully not a lot of people around; however I couldn't help but note that as we started to walk around Auradon City Lake Ben seemed very distracted. I knew that he was concentrating on something; so, I thought that it was probably for the best that I brought it up.
"Ben is something wrong?" I asked.
"No" he advised slowly.
"You don't seem so sure" I noted as I looked up at him.
"I want to talk about something, but I don't know whether I should bring it up" he advised.
"Ok" I nodded.
"Well how about I suggest something?" I offered.
"Right?" he prompted.
"What?" he asked.
"From this point onwards, we are honest with each other; we don't hold back. If we need to talk about something we talk about it. Yes, things seem a bit weird with us; but I would prefer it if we are both upfront with each other" I explained sincerely.
"Yes, me too" he agreed with a warm smile.
"So, what is on your mind?" I questioned, and I watched him bite down on his bottom lip.
"Can we talk about before?" he said nervously.
"What about it?" I asked as I looked down.
"Mal it has always plagued me the reasoning to why we broke up-" he started.
"I see" I noted.
"Yeah" I replied, and we fell into an awkward silence. I decided that it was probably for the best that I waited for him to speak. I didn't want to put words into his mouth; and I was starting to get curious about what he wanted to ask me.
"Can I ask why? You wouldn't give me a proper answer at the time" he reasoned.
"Well it depends Ben" I muttered.
"On what?" he asked.
"Whether you are really prepared for the answer" I advised. I knew that it was probably going to hurt him; and I also knew that this conversation was probably going to come up - I just didn't expect this soon.
"I don't know whether I like that" he noted.
"You probably aren't going to" I grumbled.
"Just tell me this?" he begged.
"What?" I questioned.
"Did you cheat on me?" he asked, and I froze.
"No!" I exclaimed as I quickly shook my head. I couldn't have Ben thinking that I have cheated on him; I couldn't do that to him - never!
"No Ben I could never do that to anyone; especially you" I quickly interjected.
"Ok, well what was it?" he asked, and I looked down and pursed my lips together.
"You are going to think it is stupid" I muttered.
"No I'm not" he urged.
"Mal it was enough for you to end things with me; it's obviously not stupid" he stressed.
"Ok" I nodded. Maybe it was for the best that I came straight out with it - it wasn't fair on him to drag this out.
"I understand if you want to end things after this" I offered.
"Mal please tell me?" he begged, and I took a deep breath to steady myself.
"Even though-" I started.
"I loved you; I didn't feel enough" I admitted.
"What?" he asked in shock as I looked away from him.
"I felt as if I couldn't give you what you needed; and yes it killed me to do it Ben. But I only wanted the best for you; and I didn't feel like I was it; I didn't think it was right to keep our relationship going for you to realise that I am just some girl from the Isle" I explained sadly.
"Mal I can't believe you thought that; why did you not tell me?" he pressed, and I could hear the tone of disappointment in his voice.
"I was ashamed; I didn't want to hurt you" I advised sadly.
"I know I did; but I tried to do it as gentle as I could" I advised.
"Mal if we talked about it we would have got through it" he urged.
"How do you know that?" I asked incredulously. I could see the truth in what he was saying I really did; but at the time I just felt so ashamed and not good enough that I let it lead my judgement.
"Because I would have eased your mind and helped you through it; I don't think we would have broken up" he explained.
"Maybe; if I am honest I wish I tried harder" I admitted.
"You and me both; I was thinking all sorts" he stated.
"Really?" I muttered.
"Yeah; our break up was so sudden" he confirmed.
"Ben I am so sorry; if I could take it all back I would" I stated.
"I know you would Mally" he smiled, and I couldn't help but smile at his old nickname for me.
"The main thing now is that we are getting to know each other again; I have missed you" he added lovingly.
"I have missed you too" I smiled back.
After this conversation had passed things went really well; it showed me that I should have spoken to Ben about my insecurities. And I vowed to myself that I was going to be open and honest with him - as he deserved this and so much more.