Hiya, readers!
I hope everyone has been having a great time since the last update! Please enjoy the new chapter. :)
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Chapter 56: Dark Times in Victorian London
Bells tolled through London streets. Horses neighed from the carriages that they pulled, rolling by the different shops and houses. People were singing merrily as the holiday spirit fell through a cold breeze throughout the city. Christmas of 1892 was just around the corner and everyone was getting ready for it with glee. Everything down below from the clouds above was just so . . . cheery.
The Doctor frowned as he stared at it all, trying to think of how to be cheery like them all. Humans. They always found ways to be so cheery and merry all the time. He used to be able to. But now . . . Lately, he felt rather lacking in the whole 'cheery' department. He twirled his top hat in hand while he pondered this all over. All the while listening to the distant, slow and sad, violin music from the ajar TARDIS door. His legs dangled from the point on the cloud he sat, swinging in tune with the music as he listened.
She had been playing that same song often lately. He wondered if she was working on it. He thought she had stopped composing a long while ago. Suppose maybe she picked it up again. That was a nice thought. Nice that she might begin picking up other old habits from before. Maybe she might start picking up other old habits? That was a very nice thought.
Even with all these nice thoughts and ponderings, the Doctor could not help but sigh and still feel saddened. Violin playing was not something she needed. She needed more than that. She needed . . . He did not know what she needed anymore. Anytime in the past he would have known instantly what could have cheered her up. But those had always been small problems of sadness in the end. How did one help another cheer up after something like four hundred years of pain and torture suddenly coming back with a force? How did one help a mother who had lost a child? He might have known something to do if he still had the Ponds with them. But now . . .
He patted his hat harshly, almost squishing it together as he let out a heavy sigh. Ponds gone. Child lost. Memories in ruin. Sadness all around day in and day out. He was a terrible doctor. Doctors were supposed to heal. This—this was not healing. This was wallowing in misery and avoidance. But what. Could. He. Do? Dammit! He slapped himself in the head, wishing he could jumpstart his brain into knowing what to do for his Wanderer. He would do anything, anything to get her back to her old self. But he could think of nothing, and he felt like a failure for it.
Standing up, he walked back into the TARDIS, away from the outside world. He closed the door harshly, storming back up into the control room and to the console. The silver chrome from the new control room layout seemed to tease him. Calling him a failure over and over again. The names of all his past companions written in Gallifreyan that lined the console above said this all too clearly. All his failures . . . written in stone for him to always see. He gazed up, hearts dropping as he saw Amy and Rory's names hanging just above him. Failure. That's what he was. A big, whopping, failure.
His eyes gazed with sorrow at the console. The music of the violin tried to soothe him. But all it did was remind him of his failure to his Wanderer. To his wife. He could not make her happy. He could not help her heal. What good was he to her anymore? Nothing. That was it. Just nothing. She was better off without him. Sighing, he lightly hit the console, making it clang. He would give anything, anything to happen that might actually help him finally heal his Wanderer.
Just then, at that moment, there came the knocking.
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Wanda ended up arriving to a grassy field when she left Ten behind. She fell to the ground as she stumbled. She shook as she gripped herself around her middle. The barrier inside that held most of her powers at bay cracked a little. It let through pain throughout her mind and body. She heard the cries and screams of different timelines from the universe hit her in waves. She cried along with them, shaking even more. Make it stop. Make it stop! Shut up! She pounded at her head, feeling herself slipping. She heard Alpha waking up, trying to hurriedly close up the barrier. Alpha wanted to be the only one who ever felt all that pain from the universe. It was usually how it worked for them. If Alpha ever woke up fully and took over their body, then the other barrier would be open for her to use. But sometimes . . . it all just seemed to leak through.
"Wanderer?"
Someone touched her. It shocked her, scared her. She cried out, throwing out an arm to push away whoever tried grabbing her. She fell back to the ground on her bum, scooting away from whoever tried to grab her. White energy flew out from her when she did all of this, hitting whoever had tried to hold her. She stared with wide eyes of horror when seeing Eleven being thrown backward by the energy. He landed on his backside not too far away from her, staring at her in shock.
"Oh, god, I'm sorry!" she cried, standing up to go over to him. But the pain in her head, the ringing in her ears and the tilting of the world around her, made her stumble. It was hard to even stand. Tears streamed down her face as another wave of timelines, thoughts and feelings, hit her. "I'm so sorry, Theta."
"It's okay. It's okay, Wanderer," assured the Doctor. He stood up, going over to her to help her keep steady on her feet. "You're okay." But when he touched her again, her body reacted in a violent shake. His thoughts and feelings screamed through her as well, mixing in with all the others. She panted, wheezing in her quick breathes as she tried to hold onto herself. Tried to keep sane. Keep sane. Keep control.
Her gaze shifted around, seeing that they were in Central Park. They were back to the same day and place where they lost the Ponds. The TARDIS was parked close by. She heard the old girl singing to her. Calling to her. Trying to get her to come back where it was safe. The TARDIS would keep her safe. Keep her sane. Keep her in control.
She pushed away from the Doctor, running to the ship. The doors opened for her before she even had to snap her fingers. The TARDIS was ready to get her inside where there was comfort. Wanda stumbled up into the ship, falling to her knees briefly at the opening before getting back up and running the rest of the way in. The moment she was up next to the console, she felt the noise in her head stop. Everything went quiet in her mind, making her feel at peace. The blanket of energy, of warmth and comfort, surrounded her as Sexy sent a humming lullaby just for her. Wanda let out a small sigh, slowly sitting on the floor as she felt back to her normal, sane self. She stiffened when she felt hands on her, but relaxed when realizing it was the Doctor. He crouched down beside her, looking worried.
"Are you okay, Wanda?" he asked gently. Wanda stared at him, seeing the redness in his eyes, knowing he must have just lost the Ponds only moment ago. She gazed around, expecting to see River somewhere nearby.
"Where's River?" she asked, looking back at him.
"She left, not too long ago," explained the Doctor. He shifted, sitting down beside Wanda carefully as he pulled her close to him with an arm of comfort around her waist. "Would you like me to go get her? I . . . I could do that if you'd like?"
Wanda did not answer at first. She looked around the control room, wishing she knew what to say to him. She knew she should most likely comfort him since the Ponds were now gone. She wanted to. But . . . how could she? This felt like something so easy for her back in the past. Now she just felt lost to it all.
"Are . . . are you okay?" she asked him softly. Not really looking at him as she said this, keeping her eyes averted. But she still pushed herself to make certain that her Theta was taken care of first. If there was anyone she could be of use to in this universe . . . she hoped it would still be with him.
"I'm all right. I'm always all right." The Doctor smiled tenderly, giving her a light hug in reassurance.
"No, you're not. I felt your emotions out there. I heard your thoughts. You're devastated about Amy and Rory." She snapped her mouth shut when she said this, fearing she had said too much.
"Well . . . yes." He let out a sad sigh, looking away to stare off for a moment before gazing back at her. "But that's just something we'll have to take one step at a time. First, I want to make certain that you're all right. Where did you come from? What have you done recently?" With gaining no answer from her, he moved to be crouched down in front of her. He gripped her arms firmly, trying to get her to look at him. "Talk to me, Wanderer. Please?"
"I've . . . I've . . . I've just been . . ." Her lip trembled as she felt her emotions bubbling away. She closed her eyes, trying to think of what to say to him. "That year, the Master, all of that. That's where I've come from." Finally, she looked at him. Regret and sorrow were clear in his eyes as he gazed back. So much misery all for her to see. She felt her hearts drop as it dawned on her. This day, the way he had acted around her past self when she was still . . . She let out a humourless laugh, tearing her eyes away from his. "I should have realized it then, but I was too blind to see it. That's why you and the Ponds were so sad this day. All of you had just been with me in that pocket universe. You just learned about . . . Ember." Her eyes closed tightly. "God, Theta, I'm so sorry. You've lost the Ponds and your child all in one day. And it's all my—."
"No. Don't you dare say it." The Doctor hugged her tightly to him, holding her in a strong grip. "None of this was ever your fault. I should have realized . . . I should have seen the signs from the past . . ."
He stood them up, keeping her against him. He reached around her, fiddling with the TARDIS controls to send them off. To where it did not matter. It was not important. All he cared about was getting far away from New York as possible and to somewhere safe for his Wanderer. She stayed slumped against him. Her body weak and limp. Her eyes just stared blankly around, with no sign of emotion coming from her. It was like her whole being just wanted to give up. Though internally she still kept trying to fight. To fight for herself and him. But the rest just wanted to quit.
"Wanderer—," he began to say.
"I just want to go to bed, Theta. I'm—I'm tired. Is that okay?" she spoke softly, closing her eyes as she practically rested against him. "I just want to sleep."
"Of course," he assured her, helping her walk down the corridor towards their room.
Everything became a daze for her. She felt him held guide her to the room. He even helped her get undressed and into a nightgown. But after that, all she did was sleep. For how long she slept, she did not know. Every time she woke up, she would either use the toilet or drink some water before going right back to sleep. A few times she felt the Doctor holding her from behind when she woke up. But she forced herself back to sleep when she felt him near, too afraid to face him right away.
It was like all her energy had been drained away from her. No matter how much she slept, it never seemed enough whenever she woke up again. Perhaps that year of travelling the world had taken more out of her than she realized. Or it could have also been that she had forced herself from wandering away from Martha off and on. It had been hard holding back the energy to travel away. Extremely difficult, almost like refusing to breathe. It had hurt so much each time. It was a wonder she had even managed to do it to begin with.
Eventually, though, her body and mind finally seemed completely rested and whole. Everything felt just a little better. Not completely, but . . . better than what she had been. Sitting up from the bed, she sniffed as she stretched her body, trying to work out all the kinks in her muscles. Feeling rather grimy, she felt a nice warm shower would do the trick in freshening herself up. Soon, after she got herself all cleaned and well groomed, she made her way to the TARDIS control room. With a fluffy robe wrapped around herself and comfy slippers on her feet. She would get dressed but . . . best see where exactly the Doctor had them at first.
The control room was empty when she arrived to it. This confused her as she knew the Doctor was not anywhere else in the TARDIS. Sexy would have told her so. So, where was he? Wanda went over to the console, checking the scanner for where they might be. Perhaps he was adventuring outside? The scanner told her nothing, however, leaving her puzzled as to where her husband had gone. Shrugging lightly, it seemed that perhaps he was too far away from the TARDIS to tell her anything. Maybe she could go eat something in the meantime. She was rather hungry.
It was an hour later after she had a good meal and a nice cup of tea that she began to worry. Still, the Doctor was not in the TARDIS. Where was he? Worriment coursed through her as she walked briskly back to the control room. Just as she was about to exit the door, the Doctor came in. He looked worn, wearing a very dark purple-brown coat, over a similarly coloured vest, lighter cream coloured dress shirt, and very deep brown trousers and boots. He even had a top hat that matched the colour of his shoes. Wanda could not help but notice this outfit was very . . . Victorian.
"Ah! You're up," the Doctor said with a start, seeming taken back that she would suddenly be up. He wrung his hands together as though nervous, shifting on his feet. "Ah . . . Would you like me to—to cook you something or . . .?" He trailed off, seeming at a loss on what to do.
"I've already eaten," Wanda replied, her voice subdued as she felt anxious to see him so nervous. Was . . . Was he nervous to be around her?
"Good. Good. That's good," the Doctor replied quickly, walking around her to go to the console. She trailed along after him, stopping by the other side of the console as she watched him fiddle with controls. His nervous tick. Always trying to occupy his hands with something when he was avoiding something. Was it her? She felt her spirits drop at that thought. But she tried pushing it away, reminding herself that he must be still unsettled by everything that happened over the last few . . .
"Doctor, how long was I asleep?" asked Wanda curiously.
"Asleep? Oh, I'd say, about, a week or so? Yes, that seems about right."
"A week?" Wanda was stunned. She never slept that long in her life. Well, besides the time recovering in the pocket universe. But that was not by choice. "What have you done in a week while I was out? Why didn't you wake me?"
The Doctor winced for a moment before smiling nervously at her. "Ah . . . I thought maybe you needed the rest?"
"For a week?" She stared at him, skeptical that he would actually let her sleep that long. Was there something wrong with her maybe?
The Doctor gave another nervous smile. "Yes, sorry, I-I should have woken you sooner. I'm sorry for that. I was just preparing somethings and was deciding on what to do for us." He smiled more confidently this time, bouncing over towards her. "I decided we should take a break. You know, from travelling and such. Think of it like a holiday."
Wanda nodded slowly, taking in his appearance once more. "Where are we, then?"
"London, 1887." He bounced forward, grabbing her hand in delight. "You should probably get changed. Don't think good old Victorian London will like seeing you running around in a nightie. Not that you don't look good in it!" His eyes widened before his last statement, worried that he might have offended her with his nightie joke.
Wanda laughed softly, her eyes not quite lighting up in merriment as it used to. But it was a start as she did seem happy. "Okay. Help me pick a dress?"
"Of course!"
They walked down the corridor, hand-in-hand, just enjoying each other's company. Wanda smiled, feeling hopeful that things would indeed be okay for them in the end. Maybe a while off travelling was a good idea. They never allowed themselves to relax and mend in the past. Perhaps this would actually help them recuperate. The Doctor seemed to think so judging by the way he rambled. He went on and on about going to Victorian London, at the right place and time where they had friends to visit if they grew too lonely. This being Vastra, Jenny, and Strax. Friends they never had time to visit much in the past. But always had been very close with the two TARDIS travellers.
It made her feel uncertain, though, when the Doctor mentioned telling the Paternoster Gang . . . everything. As in everything. What she was. What her past had been. What happened to the Ponds. What happened to Ember. It made her uncomfortable that he told them all this without her. She would have liked to have been there for that. It also made her nervous about how the three friends would view her after knowing about all that. But she trusted the Doctor. Even if he was trying to figure out a way to help them both heal and move on, she knew he would do everything in his power to help their lives get back on track.
He helped her get into a modest Victorian black dress. With ruffles skirts, corset, and all. Even a black hat and shoes to boot. There was some rich purple colouring hidden here and there on the dress. But for the most part . . . she rather not have colour around her clothing for a while. She felt her tastes had changed some since the Year That Never Was. She could not help but noticed a sort of disappointed look cross over the Doctor's face when they finished lacing up her corset. But he gave her a smile all the same when she turned to show him how she looked.
The Doctor took her arm in his, guiding her gently back to the control room. Wanda noticed how he treated her like she was a delicate thing now. Perhaps she was. She was an unstable freak of nature, after all. This thought made her spirits sink considerably as they stepped out together into the cool weather of spring. But she plastered on a small smile all the same, hoping to please him. She had to push herself. Keep moving forward. That was it. It would not do wallowing in misery and all that.
The dusk of evening settling over the city around them as they strolled out of the park where the TARDIS had been placed by the Doctor. Iron gates guarded around the park to keep out any unwelcomed guests. But the Doctor easily had a gate opened for them, allowing Wanda to leave the area without having to resort to climbing over the fence in a dress. Not that she wouldn't have in the past. But corsets did restrict movements quite considerably. So, he held her hand tightly, leading her through the streets as they strolled along. She noticed with unease in how quiet he was with her. How wary he was, too. Was it all because of her, or was it something else that made him act so differently? Again, she had to remind herself of what loss and pain he had felt recently. It was because of her that he lost his chance of starting a family again. Of course he would be upset with her still over all of that.
She kept her gaze lowered as he pulled her along, leading towards some destination or another. She did not pay attention. Things began to feel rather blurred together for her at that point. Her emotions swirled like a storm within. Nothing that she could grasp onto properly. A headache began to form. This only made her uneasy, afraid to press onwards. But the Doctor wanted to move about, so . . .
"Ah. Doctor. Wanderer. A pleasure as always."
Wanda glanced up when seeing Madame Vastra standing beside a carriage. From under the thin, black veil, Wanda could see the Silurian detective giving the two travellers a kind smile. Next to her was her wife/maid Jenny, and by the horse was Strax. When Wanda made brief eye contact with Jenny, she saw the maid give her a look of pity. Wanda quickly lowered her gaze, feeling her face grow red. She did not want pity. She just . . . wanted to be normal again with her friends.
But normal was not something they seemed to have in mind. Sure, they were all kind. Vastra seemed to not take any matter of it at all. Being completely understanding, acting all the same as though they were well past the issue and were moving onto better things. Though, she still seemed rather hesitant when it came to certain discussions and such. Jenny behaved much more differently. She always had this look of pity when she and Wanda shared glances. Like she felt sorry for a child, or someone that had found out they were sick with a deadly disease. Wanda knew the maid did not mean anything by it. Jenny was much more thoughtful and gentle compared to the other two in her household. But this is what made it feel all the more awkward for Wanda. As for Strax . . . Well, Strax was Strax. He was the same as always. Never once acting as though any new information he learned of Wanda even bothered him in the slightest. And most likely it did not. Wanda never felt happier to have a friend like Strax. With the way his mind worked, it helped her in just having a friend who acted absolutely normal in every way.
"So . . . there was this case we were workin' on," Jenny began to say as the group strolled down the streets. "We were wonderin' that maybe—."
"—you would like to join us in the investigation?" finished Vastra.
"Ah . . . maybe," mumbled the Doctor, sending an uneasy side glance at his wife beside him.
This look did not go unnoticed by Wanda. Even though he did try to hide it. It made her even more uncertain, with sadness bubbling away and a headache pounding lightly against her mind. The Doctor had never passed up an opportunity to do an investigation before with the gang. Or with anyone else in the past. Solving mysteries had always been a blast for him. For her, too. She would have liked to help Vastra and the rest. But with the Doctor hesitating . . . Did he think she would not be able to do so anymore? She remembered later Elevens were more than happy to have adventures like that with any other version of herself. By now, maybe, with what happened in her new body . . . Their days of adventuring just might be over. And the very idea broke her hearts. He loved travelling. He loved adventuring. Because of her, he just might give that all up. It was her fault. Just like everything else that has happened.
As the Paternoster Gang and the Doctor rambled on here and there, Wanda slowly began to trail behind. The Time Lord never even noticed when she had let go of his arm. It was possible that he did not even really care. So, she fell behind them some ways, just walking a few yards from them, wanting to be alone with her thoughts at the moment. She kept trying to think more positively. But it was hard with the way her emotions kept tumbling in her and the headache that just made it hard for her to think. She had to get better control over herself than this.
Good for nothing. Wand heard Alpha hiss in her mind.
Yes, I know. Don't remind me. Wanda sighed, shaking her head.
No, no. Not you, Wanda. Never you. Alpha assured her quickly. It's him. He doesn't even notice you're not with him. Stupid, brainless, Time Lord. Tell me again why you love the bastard?
Alpha. I thought you were past this with the Doctor? Didn't you two have a nice conversation back in your garden? Wanda tried saying soothingly, hoping to make Alpha be more reasonable and calm.
I don't recall. Alpha all but grumbled in a pout.
Your memory is just as bad as mine.
Not our fault. These powers in our head and body don't help at all. A loud shout came nearby, earning Alpha and Wanda's attention. It looked like an argument between some men down an alleyway. Alpha sneered in disgust. Why are we even here? What's the point?
The Doctor thinks—
The Doctor thinks a lot of things. Doesn't mean he knows best for us. I know what's best.
Wanda let out a small puff of breath. Okay then, tell me, what's best for me. Be my guest. When no reply came from Alpha, Wanda rolled her eyes. I thought so.
I'm working on it, okay?
The argument seemed to be getting louder now. Wanda stopped short as she was about to move away from the alleyway, meaning to catch up with her friends and husband. But the small cry from a child made her freeze on the spot. She looked down the gloomy alleyway, seeing a scuffle coming from far down the way. Walking forward steadily, she headed down the large alleyway, lined by brick walls from the buildings surrounding, avoiding the trash laid about as she wanted to find out where the child's cry had come from. As she neared the dead end of the alleyway, she saw two men holding tightly on either side of a little girl.
The child seemed to be caught in the middle of their quarrel as each brutish man had a hold on one of her arms. The girl was in a bad state, wearing nothing but rags on her body and appeared quite dirty. On one side of her, a man dressed similarly held a disgusting sneer on his filthy face with hardly any teeth left in his mouth. The other man was dressed more wealthy, with a rich gentleman's suit on. Wanda was confused at first in why these two seemly opposite men would be fighting while holding onto a little girl. Then, when she finally caught their words, she understood with horror in what they were quarreling about. They were arguing over who had the rights over the child. She was being sold into . . .
Wanda felt her hearts speeding up rapidly. The ringing in her ears began and the world began to tilt as the little girl met eye contact with her. Wanda felt a fiery fury spread through her. Everything went blank after this. Before she knew it, someone was grabbing her arm and pulling her back.
"Wanderer, enough. It's okay," came the gentle words from the Doctor. Wanda blinked out of her daze, trying to remember what she had been doing. She came down the alleyway for the child and then . . .
Her eyes widened in horror when she saw the two piles of gray dust at her feet. A gentlemen's top hat sat right on top of one pile. She looked over to see Vastra and Jenny comforting the little girl from earlier. The child looked back at Wanda, shivering upon the sight of the blonde before avoiding to stare at her any longer. Wanda felt as though she were going to be sick. She had killed two men, just like that, and she could not even remember doing so. She felt the Doctor trying to rub soothing circles on her back. But his touch was not comforting. It only reminded her how much she hurt him being the way she was.
Gathering up her skirts, she took off before anyone could say or move to stop her. She ran back through the streets of London, passing by or pushing her way through many people. It was not until she reached the TARDIS did she finally let her hearts and breath settle. She broke down by the console, falling to her knees as she wept. She did not know how long she sat there crying. Soon, however, she halted in her tears when feeling a strong arm helping her up, guiding her to stand.
"I'm sorry. It was too soon for you. I should have realized . . .," the Doctor tried to say kindly, but she could hear a tremor in his voice. What she had done had upset him greatly. She just knew it.
"I just . . . I just want to go back to bed," she said hoarsely, wanting to hide away in her room for the time being.
"Of course," said the Doctor. He led her tenderly down the corridor to their room. Or was it rather cautiously?
"How is the girl?" Wanda could not help by ask, wanting to know if the child was okay.
"She'll be fine. Vastra and Jenny have her," the Doctor assured her, making sure that there was nothing to worry about.
He guided her back into their room, gently helping her undress from the many layers of clothing she had on. So many layers a lady had to wear in this time period. It was ridiculous. Once she was back in her nightie, she cuddled up under the covers, snuggling down deep from the world around her. She peeked from around the covers, seeing the Doctor standing hesitantly by the bed. Was . . . was he nervous being around her? Did she really scare him that badly? He had always said in the past that she never scared him . . . but that had been past her. New her might just terrify him now.
"Theta, is it all right . . . if I could be alone for a while?" she asked quietly, avoiding his gaze in shame.
"Whatever you'd like, Wanderer," he replied, his voice as kind as ever. She closed her eyes as she felt him come over and tenderly kiss her forehead. He lingered there for a moment longer, seeming to wish to say more. But eventually, he left, allowing Wanda her sleep-in peace.
Her mind drifted off before she had time to dwell on what happened in the small amount of time she had actually been awake. All her worries began to trickle away, making her hopeful that things would get better. They just had to. She had to. For her Theta. But her hope was diminished the moment her nightmares began.
She had nightmares during that forgotten year before. Always of her being a cruel monster, hurting others and such. Of losing control over herself. This one was different. For none of her nightmares had ever been this . . . personal. This terrible. She watched herself as though she were in third person, seeing how she became a savage beast. Her powers and programming had taken complete control, causing her to run around in a killing spree. Any that stood in her way . . . were killed. Then, the nightmare shifted to where she was seeing it all through her eyes. No matter how much she screamed within for her body to stop, she just could not. Then, eventually, it shifted again. Now the ones she was killing were not mere random beings. They were her friends, her family. Those she loved most. They pleaded with her, begging for her to stop. Inside her mind she cried, wishing to plead with her body to stop as well. But outside she heard herself laughing cruelly before striking each person down. Then . . . it was the Doctor.
"Wanderer, please, you have to stop!" The dream Doctor would beg, holding up his hands to soothe her. It did not matter which face of his it was. For in her dream it would shift between them all. And dream her simply laughed in spite, striking him down all the same. Striking him into dust. Or cutting at him in horrible ways. And internally, the part of her that did not want to be a part of this, was screaming. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and—
"Wanderer! Wake up! It's just a dream! You're dreaming!"
"NO!" she screamed, flailing her hands and arms about. Her whole body thrashing in the covers of the bed. She felt the warm energy lashing outwards, trying to protect her in the panicked state she was in.
"AH!"
She gasped as she bolted from the bed, falling to the floor in a daze. She was not even fully awake, but her body was ready to go into a flight response. Blinking away the haze of sleep, she tried looking around to see where she was. It took her a moment to remember that she had been asleep. That what had happened was nothing more than a nightmare. All of it had been in her head. She began to try and untangle herself from the blankets when a groan of pain got her attention. Looking over quickly, a strike of utter horror and dismay hit her when seeing the Doctor curled up on the floor.
"Theta!" she cried, stumbling out of the tangled blankets. She rushed over to his side, checking him over to make certain he was okay. He sat up just as she got to her knees beside him, staring at him in concern. Her hearts froze and a cold chill washed over her when she saw his hands. They looked burned. As though he had touched something extremely hot. But she knew what he had touched. She knew what had been done to him. The outer layer of his skin had been killed off because he had touched her. It was just like back from that time at Canary Wharf. She had hurt him badly once again.
When he saw her dismay, saw her backing away from him quickly as she gripped at her head in a panic, he stood up quickly. "No, Wanderer, it's all right. You didn't mean it."
"I hurt you." Wanda trembled, backing away from him even more when he tried to reach for her. "I hurt you just by you touching me. What if I kill you next time? Oh, god, I could have killed you!"
He reached out for her as if to soothe her. "Wanderer—."
But she shook her head rapidly, running around him as tears began to stream down her face. She ran through the TARDIS, placing herself as far away from the Doctor as possible. It was the only way. The only way to save him. For she would rather die than to ever hurt him again. Never again.
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"And so, you're saying that she's locked herself away? Have the other times you two strolled about helped at all?"
"No," grumbled the Doctor. He leaned heavily against the door of the carriage he, Vastra, and Jenny rode in. Strax was currently on top steering the horse. The carriage rocked as it made its way down the streets, making the Doctor reminisce of the rocking of the TARDIS as it flew through the Vortex.
"But I thought things were going well?" Jenny asked curiously, frowning at the Doctor's reply.
The Doctor shifted uncomfortably on the spot before answering, "She may have lost control once . . . twice . . . Okay, make that twelve times. But I managed to stop her before any damage was done!"
"It's a good thing I managed to procure a memory worm for your use, then," said Vastra smoothly. The Doctor merely grunted in response. Not necessarily glad that he had to use a memory worm on people, but was rather helpful to make people forget about him or Wanda when needed. Vastra eyed him steadily. "So, she's locked herself away in the TARDIS in fears that she may harm more people."
"Me included," the Doctor grumbled, staring dejectedly down at his hands. It had taken him a week to heal from the burns he received from Wanda that one night. And ever since that night, his Wanderer has shied away from him each time he tried to touch her, or hold her hand, or show any kind of affection towards her. At this point, he had given up trying to be anywhere near her. He wanted to give her time. To let her be. However, some part of him believed that it might be more than because she accidentally hurt him. It might also be because that she blamed him for what happened to their daughter. It was his fault, after all. If he had not been so damn merciful, then the Master could have been stopped. Their daughter could have been saved from being lost. His mind kept trying to assure him that his Wanderer would never outright blame him for such a thing. But the other stronger part of his mind said this must be true. For he felt he had betrayed his wife in his lacking to protect her and their daughter.
"The poor dear," Jenny said sadly, getting the Doctor out of his sad stupor.
"She just needs more time," said Vastra confidently. "Let the Wanderer come out at her own pace. If we try to force her, it will only lead to her excluding herself from us, from the universe itself, even more so."
"The universe," the Doctor all but growled. His eyes darkened as he glared out the floor. "If it wasn't for the universe, Wanda wouldn't even be in this mess. It chose her to be its weapon, not even caring about what it would do to her. Damn the universe."
"Don't be so quick to scorn, Doctor," disputed Vastra. "It was the universe that brought you and the Wanderer together, was it not?" When she received nothing more than a grunt from the Doctor, Vastra sighed in exasperation.
"I'm sure she'll cheer up once we get there," Jenny said, trying to help ease the tension in the cab. "She always likes my tea and cakes. I could make her some."
"That sounds lovely, my dear," Vastra agreed, smiling warmly at her wife. They all rocked to the side as the carriage came to an abrupt halt.
"Doctor, have you moved your box to another location?" they heard Strax ask loudly from outside.
"What?" responded the Doctor, greatly bewildered by what Strax was on about. Though, to be honest, it would not be the first time the Sontaran had gotten lost or confused. The Time Lord stepped out of the cab quickly, blinking through the fog that laid around the city night. They had arrived at the park where he had parked the TARDIS months ago. Just as Strax had said, there was no TARDIS to be seen. He jumped out of the cab swiftly, followed closely by the three others as he pulled out his sonic and began to scan the area. His mind racing, in a panic over what happened to his ship. Or, importantly, his wife.
"Stolen by the enemy! We must make an evasive strike before they attack us again!" Strax said confidently, ready for battle. But he huffed when Jenny shushed him.
"Did the Wanderer leave with the TARDIS?" questioned Vastra.
"No. No, it's still," the Doctor began to say, slowly following the scan of his sonic, gradually pointing upwards to the sky, ". . . here." He dropped the sonic to his side, frowning greatly in confusion. "It's up above us."
"How?" Jenny wondered, squinting up at the night sky, seeing nothing but fog.
Just as the Doctor was about to respond, there was a clatter of metal from above. The Doctor had just managed to jump away when a ladder fell from the sky, landing with a thud at his feet. It stood there rigidly, obviously indicating for him to proceed up it. However, where it led to seemed a mystery still as the upper part of the ladder was invisible. Climbing up the ladder quickly, the Doctor was surprised to find a large spiraling staircase going high into the clouds above the city.
"Doctor?" called Vastra from below, wondering where the Time Lord had gone too. The ladder disappeared the moment he climbed up them, leaving the other three behind.
"Shall we call for reinforcements?" asked Strax.
"Just give me a moment," sighed the Doctor, shaking his head as he realized this must have been the work of the TARDIS. Only his ship had that kind of technology. Not that he had ever done something like this. He never thought to do so in the past. Now that he thought about it though . . .
Marching up the stairs quickly, going past the clouds and fog, he came to the top to see a large cloud surrounding the bottom of the TARDIS. The ship hummed pleasantly, with the lights glowing peacefully from the blue box. The Doctor crouched down briefly to inspect the cloud around the TARDIS, seeing how it was no ordinary cloud. The density was much different than that of an average Earth cloud. Perfectly okay to hold a ship up in the sky, and more than suitable to allow a person to walk around on the cloud. So, after this observance, the Doctor walked across the swirling cloud and to his ship, going inside as fast as he could.
Once inside, he paused by the doorway briefly when seeing Wanda by the console, absently twiddling with the TARDIS controls. He went to her after a brief bit of hesitation. His need to make certain she was all right outweighed his fears of upsetting her.
"Wanda, are you all right?" he asked her carefully. He noticed she was still in her nightie from earlier. She seemed to never want to change out of sleep clothing anymore.
"I'm fine," she replied quietly, keeping her gaze averted from his. "I hope you don't mind the change with the TARDIS. Sexy thought . . . it would be best for us." She let go of a lever, looking ashamed at what she and the TARDIS had done, guilty that she had not asked him first to do so. "I'm sorry. I can change it back if you'd like."
"No. It's fine," the Doctor assured her. He frowned heavily, trying to think of a reason the TARDIS would go to such lengths. Then, it dawned on him. Wanda was terrified of heights. Something she feared more than going outside around people at this point. Was this a way to keep herself from hurting others? Before he could voice his concerns, Wanda turned and began walking towards the corridor.
"I'll—I'll just be in my room. Goodnight, Doctor," said Wanda, hurrying away from him.
The Doctor let out a heavy sigh the moment he could no longer hear her footsteps. He stood there by the console, tapping his fingers as he thought on what to do next. It was set then. This was it. This was the moment where he knew what he had been contemplating for a while now was the right choice. It was the only best option for him and Wanda at this point. Turning with a determined pace, he marched back out of the TARDIS and down the spiraling staircase.
The moment the Doctor jumped down from the ladder, the Paternoster Gang knew something was wrong. The Time Lord looked grim, deflated. As though he had finally accepted defeat. Though one could also see a dark storm stewing within his green irises.
"What is it, Doctor?" asked Vastra, concerned by the darker shift in the Time Lord. There was no answer from the Doctor right away. He adjusted his top hat for a second before looking steadily at the trio in front of him.
"It's something I should have done a long time ago," he said gruffly. "It's time Wanda and I retire. I see now that I should have come to that decision years ago. I should have done it the moment Wanda was pregnant. But I was too stubborn to change my ways. My fault, I know. But I'm not making that mistake again." With this said, the Doctor turned back around, getting ready to go back up the ladder.
"But, Doctor!" said Jenny, alarmed that the Time Lord was ready to leave the world below just like that.
"You cannot be serious," Vastra agreed with her wife, astonished that this was happening. "You can't just lock yourself and the Wanderer in the TARDIS forever." The Doctor paused, pondering this.
"You're right. I'll come down for supplies every so often. And you lot are free to visit if you'd like. But no more travelling, no more interfering, and absolutely no more investigations. We are not getting involved anymore, so don't bother asking," the Time Lord answered gruffly before climbing up the ladder. The trio below watched as the ladder went back up into the air, disappearing from view. The three of them were stunned to say the least. Though, Strax was more confused than stunned.
"He's not serious. Is he?" Jenny wondered aloud, staring at her wife for answers.
"I don't know, my dear. I suppose we must wait and see," Vastra sighed.
XxXxXxXx
"I'll expect you to be properly dressed the next time we meet."
"Huh?" Wanda blinked out of her stupor, looking up from her cup of tea.
Currently, she and Vastra were having a small get together with some of Jenny's tea and cakes. This had been a regular appointment between Wanda, Vastra, and Jenny. They would come at least once a week or so, showing up with treats to enjoy while chatting in one of the small gardens the TARDIS made for them. With gazebos for them to sit within, tables to set their spread of treats and drinks on, and flowers growing throughout the garden for them to enjoy. It was always so peaceful, and it was one of the things Wanda looked forward to the most. It was the only time she actually got to interact with someone.
Since she had made the staircase from the TARDIS . . . she had yet to step out of the ship. Well, no, that was a lie. There had been that one time. About a month after the staircase from the cloud was made, Wanda tried to push herself to venture out. She even got herself dressed up. She had thought she might be ready to try to interact with the ground below. Even for a little while. It was practice, really. Testing to see how well she had control over her mind and her powers. But she never made it past the third spiral of the staircase. She ended up clinging to the railing, weeping softly as she froze in terror from the height she managed to place herself in. The Doctor actually found her there an hour later in a shivering mess. She had tried explaining to him that she just wanted to be normal again, but he kept shushing her as he led her back to the TARDIS. He ended up telling her how it was okay and that the world below did not need them anymore. This only lowered her spirits more. They were not needed anymore? Did . . . did she make him think that? Oh god, what had she done to him?
She had all but given up at this point in her and the Doctor's relationship ever being normal again. She wanted it to be. Universe knows she did. She wanted nothing more than to hold him, kiss him, let him know how much she loved him. Yes, she did not want to touch him for a long while, unconsciously flinching whenever he tried to in the past. But now that she felt stable enough, she wanted to hold his hand again. She wanted to have the close contact. But it seems he now did not want such affections from her. He had left their bedroom a long while ago, going off somewhere else in the TARDIS when he needed sleep. He would even avoid eye contact from time to time. Wanda found herself passing him by in the corridors of the TARDIS, pausing a moment after he passed her by in silence, staring at his back longingly. Her eyes begging him to turn back around and just . . . talk to her. But he never would. She was alone. So alone.
She had done this to him. She had broken his hearts. So, now the only question was how could she help heal him? Who could help her? There was only one person she knew might be able to help her at this point. But they were still a ways off. Until then, Wanda would just have to be patient and wait for they arrival.
"Your clothes," Vastra spoke again, earning Wanda's full attention. The Silurian frowned in disproval when taking in the gray soft trousers and gray jumper Wanda wore. "If you're going to keep wearing clothing you sleep in, then I won't be coming back. Not until you're wearing proper outfits."
Wanda smiled, not really correcting Vastra that these were not the clothes she slept in. Wanda usually wore nightgowns for sleeping. What she wore currently was more of her lazy clothes to be comfortable in. True, in the beginning for a time Wanda did feel almost lacking in energy to even change out of her nightie. But after she heard Vastra and Jenny were going to visit, she pushed herself to be more active in taking care of herself. That way she did not make them uncomfortable when they would meet up. However, Wanda knew Vastra was right. She could do more to help boost her energy and spirits. Dressing up was shown to help in the past, after all.
"You're right," Wanda agreed softly. "I need to take better care of myself."
"That you do. And if you find trouble caring for your health, I'll be certain to come back to guide you in the right direction." Vastra eyed her firmly but smiled kindly all the same.
Wanda smiled in return, knowing this was Vastra's way of trying to help. The Silurian was always good at giving her a push when the Wanderer needed it. If she did not have a friend to give her the right push here and there, then where would she be?
"So, how have your powers been coming along?" Vastra questioned her curiously, setting down her teacup after taking a sip.
"Good," Wanda shrugged, not really wanting to discuss the issue. She was learning (as was Alpha) in controlling her emotions and keeping herself calm. That is, in the comfort of the TARDIS. She still feared in how she would do outside.
"Are you still losing control like before?"
Wanda shrugged once more, not really looking Vastra in the eye. "Being in the TARDIS keeps me stable. She even gave me medicine, so I wouldn't have nightmares anymore."
"But you don't know how you'd do outside with others?" Vastra watched as Wanda shifted in her seat, clearly uncomfortable and ashamed that she had still yet to manage being back to her old self again.
"That's the thing, Vastra," Wanda sighed, gripping her hands together tightly on the table top, "I had control at one point. For the most part, anyway. But after . . . after I . . ."
"After you killed the Master," said Vastra quietly, trying to encourage Wanda to talk out her feelings.
Wanda released a slow breath. "Yeah. Everything just seems to have gone downhill after that. I just can't stop killing."
Vastra scooted forward, gripping Wanda's hands gently. "Wanderer, you cannot assume that because you killed one person while fully aware means that you're now a full-fledged killer. I should know. I hunt killers on a daily basis." Vastra then smiled and gave Wanda's hands a kind pat. "Now, let us discuss something else. I have some documents on a case Jenny and I have been working on recently if you would like to give them a look."
Wanda smiled, her mood lifting a bit as she saw Vastra pulling out files from her bag. "Sure. I'd love to help." Even though the Doctor had given up helping others, Wanda still wanted to do her part in the universe. As much as she could, she wanted to help. It the most she could do before the inevitable. Until then, she would make it her so goal to bring the Doctor happiness once more. Even if that meant her own joy became a thing of the past.
XxXxXxXx
Wish I could go in there and help those two feel better, finally moving on from their pain. But I suppose it takes time for people to heal. Hopefully next time it gets better for them all. :)
Reviewers:
normandy1701: Glad you liked it! Nah, I could never do that. The greatest thing about the Doctor is the mystery behind his name. It's not something for anyone know except those who the Doctor loves more than anything. At least, in my opinion, that's how his name works. :) Oh yes, there's going to be quite a few Clara episodes to come. As we sort of saw in this chapter. There was a reason why there's been so few. But we'll just have to wait and see why in the next few chapters to come. ;)
mybrainexploded: I'm so happy to hear that! :D Really hope that the updates continue to bring you joy! Especially with the next part to come after this one.
All The Stories Are True 24601: I feel you. I am, too. :( Nope. Can never tell. Not even Wanda's name. ;) I hope that you enjoyed the new chapter just as much as the last. Until next time!
AGBreads: Yay! I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much!
setsuna1415: Hmm, well I do have at least the first season of the Sarah Jane Adventures planned for part four coming up. But as for the later seasons I'm not certain. Part four is still a work in progress at this point. I'm trying many new things with it. I hope you and everyone else will like it. :) Hopefully this new chapter had no crying involved. More happiness this time around. Until next time!
swimmjacket: I just feel so sorry for the both of them. Things as of how Wanda will handle moments like the Doctor knowing of her pregnancy will be answered a bit later. But as we see in this chapter, things are not going well for our two time travellers. :( Though happy news in them knowing each others names. Now they are truly bonded. It's just so beautiful in a way. :) Hope you enjoyed the new chapter and to see you again in the future. Take care!
Authora97: Well . . . that was kind of what happened here. haha. Hope you enjoyed it! Agreed, very cute. :3
Littleperson930: Well, they talked it out at first. But now they're stuck in a rut again. Those two I swear. *sigh* Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
Read14: Well, sometime after we get done with part four, I was thinking about writing some stories about Churchhill and Jessica Jones. All with OCs as well. Though that's just a light idea at this point. Nothing set in stone. But I hope that if I ever do get around to writing those stories that you'll enjoy them just as much. :)
The Early Precambrian: Agreed. Poor Wanda. And poor Doctor as well. You could say that was a bit of foreshadowing way back then with what Wanda wished for. ;) They are truly perfect together aren't they? Welp, you're correct there. Wanda needed to be with Eleven. It worked out a bit. But now things just seem so much worse. No worries. I was kind of keeping the announcement of part four a surprise until later in part three. But those who review and read the replies got an early surprise. ;) Aww, thank you! Though I'm nowhere near perfect. My writing can always get better, trust me. Can't wait to see you again in the next update. Until next time!
Whovianeverlark17: She is in a good place. It would just help if those two actually talked things out every once and a while. But what can you do, eh? Glad that happy moment helped get past some of the sadness. :) Hope you enjoyed the new chapter!
bored411: Very rough. Unfortunately, that can never happen. At least, in this part. Who knows in the future. Here's to hoping for a bright tomorrow!
Momochan77: Just so much for them. Glad that they had more time for a quiet life in this chapter. Too bad they're not really talking or healing much, though. Take care until we see each other again! :)
SakuraRcoa: I'm keeping it a surprise in how many chapters we got left. So that way no one knows when the end will be. But at least we have part four to look forward to after part three is over. :) Indeed, Wanda did get a break. Though if only it were a more happy one. Though you are right, both the Doctor and Wanda are like those superheroes who never have a day off. I suppose that's just how they are.
NerdWithAPencil: Yay! I'm glad for that. :) And that you enjoyed all the other parts of it as well. Hope that you enjoyed the new chapter just as much. Until next time!
jp: Aww, thank you very much! That means the world to me. Though I know that there are many stories out there much better than this one. This story could always be better. I'm just so happy to hear that you enjoy the story so much. :) I hope that you'll continue to find enjoyment throughout the rest to come!
Victoria: Hello! It's so good to see you again! :D How have you been? Sorry that you came back at a bad time. Things truly did get rough for our Wanda. I know you've probably heard this a million times, but I'm very sorry for your loss. And for all your friends as well. I could never imagine the pain of it. I love children so much, so writing that was truly painful for me as well. ;-; However, I am very happy to see you again. I hope that the future chapters will be more pleasant of a read for you. Until next time! Take care of yourself and have a wonderful life. :)
Isanxd: Aww, I'm sorry for the cry you had. Truthfully, I played sad music when writing it. It really does fit. In fact, if you would like to know what songs I sort of use as references to the songs Wanda writes, I would love to share them with you. :) Until next time! Enjoy the new chapter!
LegandsOfTime: Thank you so much for your kinds words! Though I know that I can always be a better writer for you readers. :) I came up with the idea after hearing the Doctor saying what would happen if a Time Lord ever got the Time Vortex adsorbed into them. That they would be a vengeful god. I just kept thinking what that would be like. And, well, here we are now. :)
Farewell readers! Until we meet again! And enjoy April 23 of Doctor Who day! ;)
~Tinker~