Wizards are, as a rule, packrats. Some are messier packrats than others but as a pure product of necessity and longevity, Wizards will amass a prodigious array of possessions wherever they live. Books, potion-making ingredients, and various trophies are relatively standard but we all seek to like hoarding stuff for some reason. This is exacerbated exponentially in places where multiple practitioners operate simultaneously. The Pyramid we now stood inside of had all the hallmarks of being a waystation for wizards. Alongside perfectly preserved hieroglyphs and statues that had likely been there since the fall of the Goa'uld empire were vast bookshelves and curio cabinets full of everything from porcelain teapots to a Tickle-me-Elmo and even an oil-portrait of Benjamin Franklin as mummy in front of the Eiffel Tower for some reason. I guess mummified parisian parodies of political figures were the 18th century White Council equivalent to the "Hang in there Kitty" poster.
It was a well worn and well loved space into which generations of Wizards had placed belongings in order to make the solitary watch within it more tolerable. As a consequence, it meant that there were no shortage of objects to shatter when the General of the White Council's paramilitary police jumped away from me, rolling over a pile of maps covered in words that I vaguely recalled as being Spanish to put distance between us.
"Dio!" Shouted the head Warden, kicking the aforementioned table and scattering the maps as she unsheathed her magical blade. "Che cazzo è?"
Her two compatriots were on their feet in an instant, their aged bodies moving with a purpose entirely belied by their seeming frailty. I recognized them immediately, not that either of them could ever be mistaken for anyone but who they were. The Merlin's long flowing sliver hair and beard was the storybook picture of who one thought of both when one thought "Wizard" and "Merlin." LaFortier, by contrast was an emaciated - almost skeletal man. His tailored suit hung on his slight frame as though it had been sown for the man his bulging eyes belonged to, rather than the pallid waif of a man who actually wore it.
Langtry's eyes roamed across our group in moments, assessing us with piercing clarity. I wasn't sure if it was just experience, or if he'd actually opened his Wizard's sight, but he visibly recoiled at the sight of me.
He was frightened.
Arthur Langtry was scared of me?
I was surprised to come face to face Arthur Langtry - Merlin of the White Council of Wizard. Arthur was rattled enough to actually show it. The Merlin, it would seem, had considered this place impregnable. Which, as I caught sight of the glowing hieroglyphs on the walls, immediately made sense. They pyramid had been constructed by Ammit. It was covered in every anti-vampire ward I'd ever seen in the great Library of Nekheb, with a whole mess of new wards added by the White Council what little real-estate the Goa'uld hadn't already marked up. Next to Edinburgh, this had to be about the safest place on Earth to plot against the Vampires.
Hell's bells, I'd brought my brother to a place specifically warded against vampires!
My head whipped around to him, horrified that my only family might have been reduced to a puddle or burned to cinders by the wards the second we'd teleported up to the surface. But he seemed to be more or less in perfect health. He'd apparently had the good sense to pilfer a balaclava from one of the Russians who had the good sense to stop wearing his cold-weather gear in the Giza heat. He was still shirtless and obviously a White Court Vampire to anyone who was even remotely in the know, but the wards didn't seem to have been triggered by his presence.
Ammit followed my gaze, and chuckled - muttering in Goa'uld. "Figures. I'll explain later, Warden."
The rumbling growl of the Goa'uld language seemed to break the Wizards out of their stunned silence. It was the Merlin who spoke first, pointing at me with a long rod of white birch as he said, "Who are you?"
They were both still dressed in the formal council regalia they'd worn the day Wizard LaFortier had tried to sell me to the Red Court to sue for peace - the prick. I'd presumed that the Senior Council would have lingered in Chicago to see if I got myself killed trying to show that I was really one of the good guys. Contrary to popular opinion, it would seem that I was not - in point of fact - the center of the universe. I suppose, in retrospect, it was foolish of me to assume that the senior leadership of the White Council would have just sit on their thumbs and waited around while we were in the middle of a war.
No, the Senior Council got where they were precisely because they took action when it was necessary. And there was no shortage of action to be taken.
Especially considering the bombshell that had been dropped on them by the Winter Court. Darth Dresden, the black sheep of the Wizarding world who'd broken the laws of hospitality and forced a war with the Vampires, had managed to escape Wizard LaFortier's attempt to sell him back to the Vampires. And by tying himself to the vital resource of the Ways through Winter, no less.
That was the sort of thing one discussed with the head of one's military. Three of the deadliest magic users on the planet - if not in the entire galaxy, and I decided to show up with a war party.
Any single Wizard from the White Council was an army just by themselves. And that was just the things they could do to you while they were alive. Supposedly a Senior Council member's death curse was the sort of thing that brought to mind words like "ground zero" and "Hiroshima." But as dangerous as these people were, they were Wizards. And I knew exactly the sort of thing one could say to mess with a wizard.
The Senior Council consisted of the oldest, wisest, and most well informed Wizards on the planet Earth. But that still meant that they were only a couple of hundred years old. I'd been trained by a Wizard old enough to have joined the Senior Council - if he hadn't just been too busy being ornery to bother - and while all Wizards kept secrets, I felt reasonably confident he would have brought up something about the dangers of Alien Space Gods if he'd known the particulars about them. It was a gamble to assume they didn't understand the ring teleporters, but when it came right down to it - old people not understanding alien technology was something I was willing to bet my life on.
And while I was already gambling with my life, why not go for broke on a winning hand? Because Luccio not having already stabbed me was one hell of a tell.
Warden Luccio hadn't immediately recognized the Colonel and his significance to Goa'uld being on Earth. If Warden Luccio had even the remote inkling that we had been involved in the fall of Archangel, she would have tried to kill me on the spot. Wizard Pietrovich had said that capturing me wasn't a White Council matter. That strongly implied to me that he hadn't asked permission to capture me. I was pretty damn sure the Merlin would never have knowingly consented to involve a mortal military in Council matters to the overt degree that Pietrovich and his Brute Squad had allowed the Colonel and his men to operate. It would open the doors for the Red Court to use their mortal servitors in kind.
Pietrovich was off the reservation. God bless that stupid, arrogant son of a bitch.
Putting on the best "annoyed creature of the night" face I could manage, I pointed down at the exposed circle and put some extra vinegar into just how metallic and otherworldly I could make my voice sound as made the red lightning in my eye-sockets dance across the billowing starscapes within them as I spoke in English. Raising my ruby handheld foci to match his wand I laughed with my most ominous chuckle and said, "You first. Who summoned us?"
Ammit made an abrupt exhalation of air through her nose that would only have registered as laughter to someone who'd spent extensive time around the Unas. The muscles on her neck twitched as she flashed her eyes. "We do not appreciate being summoned as playthings for lesser beings."
"I ask you again, creature. Name yourself." The Merlin's voice didn't have the metallic growl of the Goa'uld, but the steely nature of his conviction overpowered any previous inklings of fear.
"I'm the Mailman. I brought packages from Santa - who the heck does it look like I am?" I waved at my compatriots. "I'm the God of Magic, and these are my lovely assistants. We're here to show just how quickly we can disappear."
"Thrice I ask and done creature. Who are you?" Arthur spoke, his voice pulsing with an issuance of magical power to it. It was the meagerest force of will, but potent.
If you ask one of the fae - or someone beholden to their geas - a question three times, they are obligated to answer you. They may not give you the answer you want, but they must answer you truly. It had never occured to me previously that having the power of Winter coursing through my veins when I'd conducted the Ritual of Necromantic Ascension might have actually affected the process, but as the Merlin's magic hit me I found myself compelled to speak.
When the true answer I gave him was not "Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden" but "I am Lord High Warden Dre'su'den the Ha'ri, God of Magic, Sovereign of Madness, Advocate of the Dead, Keeper of the Lost, Prince of Thieves, Taker of Knowledge, Teller of Stories, Patron of Heroes, Ruler of Nekheb, and Kicker of your Ass if you ever force me to answer another question," it came as only a marginal comfort given the suddenly overwhelming rush of adrenaline that the Mantle sent into my system. My heart thundered in my ears as every single fiber in my body told me to kick the Merlin's ass up past his earlobes for have the audacity to demand things of me. That the mantle felt it was necessary to punctuate that statement by making the ground beneath my feet corsucate with pulsing red lightning didn't exactly diffuse the situation.
"Ammit," The goddess introduced herself, towering over the wizard's as she moved to the right of me, protecting my flank. "Eater of Sin. You might recognize me from the carvings on the wall."
"Enlil." The Babylonian God stood to my left and made himself as visible as possible, puffing out his chest and stroking his bejeweled beard. "Lord of the Elements and maker of Kings."
"I'm a man with a Gun." Colonel Zhukov interjected, raising the weapon in question as he titled his head to the mercenaries. "These are my merry men - also with guns. They shoot bullets, da?"
The Russians seemed extremely relieved to be back in a situation that seemed likely to be the sort of thing that could be resolved with a judicious application of kinetic force. They'd fallen back to hide behind pillars and low walls almost the instant we'd come out of the beam of light, taking cover on instinct.
"Hellhound?" Warden Luccio interjected, introducing the silent Mercenary who'd been standing next to my brother as he moved away from us, keeping us all in view as me moved out of the immediate line of fire. "You are with… these creatures?"
"They're convenient." The mercenary replied diffidently. "And necessary for the moment. "
"You made a bargain with the Old Gods?" LaFortier sounded sick.
"I've got no issues with monsters, so long as they keep their side of the deal." Kincaid shrugged. "Necessary evil. Ammit owes the kid a favor. Her pantheon came for the ride."
"He was insistent that I come." I intoned spitefully. "It was hardly a choice at all."
"I'm sure." Luccio replied doubtfully, her eyes flicking to the extremely naked priestess Muminah as she struck up a fighter's pose in front of Thomas, putting herself between him and the apparent danger.
My brother exasperatedly tried to move her to the side only to shift in surprise as she darted away from his arm, quick as an eel, putting herself back in front of him. "Lady, I can look out for myself!"
Muminah ignored him entirely, keeping her gaze fixed on Wizard LaFortier as she shepherded my brother behind a pillar, in spite of his repeated protestations that she need not bother. The Wizard replied her regard with equal focus. To his extreme credit, he kept his eyes above her neck-line as he observed her ornate hieroglyphs. "Those tattoos look like the mark of Heka."
"Mark of the Lord Warden, now. We're under new management." I replied firmly. "Once again. Who summoned us from the depths of the Underworld? And why?"
"We did not summon thee… Lord Warden." He spoke the last word almost like a question rather than a direct statement. The other Wizards answered it immediately.
"Not I." Spoke LaFortier. "I do not know how one even would summon mortals."
"I am not the architect of… whatever this is." Luccio spoke. Her gaze still flicked over to the Hellhound as though he were the key to unlocking whatever confusion she currently felt.
"You see, Lord Warden - we have not sought to summon or bind you or your companions. We are still complaint with the Terms the White Council agreed to. The entrance to your crypt is still safe from those who would seek to defile it." The Merlin was doing a remarkably good job of not seeming as utterly perplexed as he had to be in this situation. Good on him for not running away, come to think of it. If even one half remembered god had invited themselves into the summoning circle in my basement apartment back in Chicago then started angrily demanding why I'd summoned them I'd have probably fled. Heck, I'd probably have fled Ammit just on principle once I realized there was a ten foot tall painting of her on a wall showing her slaughtering several hundred Red Court Vampires.
The painter had really managed to capture the spirit of a vampire's dying screams of agony.
"Well someone brought me here against my will. I did not choose to come to this planet. If not you, then who?" I did my best to immortalize the expression of consternation on the Merlin's face as his mind clearly ran through the list of every unpleasant creature that might have both the grudge against the White Council and the wherewithal to forcibly summon an angry god in their holdfast without him knowing about it. I leaned on my staff, waiting for the inevitable.
The problem with Wizards is that, broadly speaking, we have a tendency to assume we already know everything because we try to constantly put ourselves in situations where that is true. Part of the whole Wizarding gig is spending enough time in the off season studying dusty tomes and brewing potions so that when it comes around to game time we've already figured out an unbeatable strategy to victory. But if someone is prepping for baseball and you show up with a cricket-bat, they'll confidently swing high while the ball goes low.
And there was pretty much only one group who had a reliable reason to know about this Pyramid other than the people standing in it. The Merlin's brow quirked as the obvious thought hit him. "Wizard Luccio - would the Lords of Outer Night have been able to summon these creatures against their will?"
"I don't know how. This place is the most guarded location on Earth against their power." Luccio continued to observe the hellhound as she spoke. "And the only other individual who would have both access and opportunity isn't… did she?"
"The Archive didn't bring them." Kincaid asserted. "But they are here for her. Koschei got her while Archangel fell. We passed through the Underworld, ended up here. "
"The Archive was at Archangel?" The Merlin seemingly lost interest in me entirely as he turned to Kincaid. "Was she was our guest?"
Oh - oh - OH! That was something that I hadn't even considered. The Archive had been invited to Archangel by Wizard Petrovic at the time of her kidnapping and was, under the rules of the Unseelie Accords, to be protected by the White Council as their guest. In allowing her to be kidnapped, the White Council had failed to provide the most basic rites of hospitality. That carried obligation with a capital "O."
"Lower your weapons, all of you. These are not our enemies." I commanded, lowering the arm with the ruby foci on my palm. I scowled at the Colonel and his men as they continued to aim their weapons. "Colonel, I do not like repeating myself."
The Colonel lowered his weapon slightly, enough to not be directly threatening the life of possibly the most powerful Wizard in the White Council, and his men mirrored his action in response. "Wizard Merlin - I believe that we have been put at odds by forces beyond ourselves. I have no intention of allowing myself to become a puppet for the Lords of Outer Night, do you?"
"I do not recall having provided my title to you Lord Warden." The Merlin did not lower his wand, but neither did he try to attack me.
"You did hear that I was the god of magic right?" I replied incredulously, gesturing to my ornate staff. "Did you think I wasn't going to keep a close watch on Wizards?"
The Merlin arched his brow, shooting a glance to LaFortier. "A truce - perhaps? An agreement not to initiate violence between each other for the duration of our conversation."
"A Truce." I agreed. "I will hold my people to it, on my magic I swear it."
The Merlin lowered his wand. "You'll pardon our skittishness, Lord Warden. But what few of your kind still walk the Earth hold old grudges about the last war. Why are you here."
"My Ship. We want it." Ammit spoke in broken English. "This place is held in trust so that my belongings might be safely kept from the Vampires. You keep it from them, not us. I will have it."
"That… item, is one of significant peril to those it is used against." The Merlin intoned firmly. "There are implications to be considered in allowing it to operate."
"More than the fallout from allowing the Archive to fall to Koschei?" Kincaid's words were razor-fine. "Because I assure you, Koschei won't be quiet about who he stole her from. It will be known that the White Council cannot protect its allies and will hinder their agents."
"If you have not summoned us and do not intend to keep us, then you must stop trying to prevent us from saving the Scribe of Thoth." I intoned, using the Goa'uld term for the Archive to seem more Egyptian. "We will take Ammit's chariot and continue on our quest. Kincaid will incur no further obligations to your people for failing to provide protection against Koschei."
"We cannot permit such an action. To do so would invite War with… the Red Court." The actual meaning of Merlin's reflexive denial seemed to catch up with him as he was speaking and he paused, considering the paining on the wall. "It would… infuriate the Red King… to allow his most hated adversaries to a boon. Remind him that we can use the letter of the Law as a weapon as effectively as they have done already."
"Wizard Merlin." LaFortier hissed, his eyes bulging at the implied suggestion of the Merlin's statement. "We have already insulted the Red Court enough for them to start a war with us. Another insult would be -"
"Entirely appropriate." The Merlin interjected, considering my cadre. "I make no objections to your plan to ransom for peace but the Red King has been operating too freely as of late. Whoever summoned these creatures did so with the intention of inflicting damage upon us. The very existence of this temple is a secret known to precious few outside the Council. Perhaps the re-introduction of their predator into the wild is not without cause."
"Wizard Merlin I strongly caution you against making any deals with the exiled gods." Wizard Luccio intoned firmly. "These are the same gods with whom we allied with that same King to exile in the first place."
"I am not allying with anyone." The Merlin's eyes were twinkling with spiteful mirth. "I'm not making any deals. I am merely postponing the conclusion of a conversation until a later date when I am less pressed for time."
"One can hardly be blamed for delaying the end of a conversation until a time more practical for having an in-depth discussion." I replied, amused at the Merlin's wilful subversion of the Unseelie Accords. It was technically legal for both parties to extend a truce the duration of a conversation as long or as short as both parties decided they were "still talking." Anyone who wanted to complain that the Merlin wasn't trading blows with me would have to take it up with Mab. I wasn't a signatory as far as the Merlin knew, but there were provisions that applied to non-signatories which would apply.
By contrast, he could decide that our business was concluded and hex me into next week whenever he felt so inclined. Given that the War with the White Council had been started over a breach of the Accords, the Red Court couldn't protest the Merlin's decision to obey them without giving him an avenue to protest their Casus Beli. More of a route than even he knew, given that I was actually a member of the White Council and thus bound by the Accords wholesale.
The Merlin was using me, but he was being extremely upfront about it. I held out my hand, "Langtry, the faster we put this conversation on hold - the faster I get off this planet full of things and people who want me dead. If you don't terribly mind?"
"Not at all." Langtry returned my grip, grinning wolfishly. "A pleasure to meet you Warden. But please understand that our conversation is not in perpetuity - Should you linger after completing your task… I would find my entire organization in the mood to avoid talking entirely."
"Try me Saruman and I'll bounce you off the walls of this pyramid till you can taste the rainbow." The Merlin blinked. No appreciation for the classics, I guess. "Ammit, get the kids in the car. We're going on a road trip."
Ammit grumbled about ungrateful children as she upturned a bookshelf full of expensive looking china and kicked over a dresser made from amber to expose a standard sized ring transporter. My compatriots all ascended in a beams of light till it was only Ammit, Kincaid and I left.
The three of us entered the circle. Before I activated the teleporter for the last time, however, I looked up at the three of them as a wild thought occurred to me. I'd already done irreparable damage to the timeline by nuking Russia. I might as well do some "good" damage as well. Who knows, nuking a country hadn't ended reality.
What damage could I do with a sentence?
I might even make my past life easier, who knows?
I looked up at Warden Luccio and flashed her a dazzling grin as I said, "Before I forget to mention it, the Summer Lady is going to kill all life on Earth on the Solstice. Just thought you should know."
The three Wizard's horrified demands for more information disappeared with the sudden flash of light.