Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost.—Kahlil Gibran

Chapter Four

Space had always seemed cold to Anakin.

Standing on the deck of The Negotiator, he stared out the viewport at the swirling, churning obscurity of hyperspace. As a young child, looking up at the stars, his innocent fascination was tempered by the resounding depths that the darkness held. He felt an affinity for it, recognizing it as a mirror image of himself. Dark and cold, its allure had intensified when he was thrust into a whirlwind of an adventure, with beautiful queens and powerful Jedi, screaming racers and death defying deeds of bravery. Yet something of its wonder became tainted when his Jedi protector had lost his life in the humming reactor room on Naboo.

Uncertainty and fear had gripped him powerfully then. He had always known the life of a slave, and he knew life was cheap. If the one man who wanted him was dead, he assumed his brief life as a Jedi was over. But as the tears for a man he barely knew but owed his life to escaped down his cheeks, his life was forever changed when sad, mutable grey eyes locked onto his.

You will be a Jedi, I promise.

A promise that had been kept. Through everything, through years of arguments, resentment, anger and bitterness; through years of adventure, excitement, peril and bonding—both had kept their promise. Because Anakin had made a promise that day too. In front of the devouring flames that burned a mere empty vessel of a once brilliant life, he vowed he would not let death take someone from him again.

He had failed with his mother, but he would not fail with the remaining people in his life.

Lost in thought, Anakin smiled. So far, so good.

And now, now he knew it had all been worth it. His former master did care for him, in a real true kind of love, not the detached version the Jedi allowed. Their bond, always strong, now sang deeper and stronger. How could this be wrong? How could love for another person ever be wrong? Weren't Jedi supposed to care for the people in the galaxy, to be their guardians? The word care in and of itself implied something deeper than remote detachment. How could a person be expected to sacrifice themselves for others on just an ideal and not a deeper emotion? Yoda or Mace Windu would explain the dangers of deep attachment; of how the selfishness of that attachment that can lead a person to do terrible things.

Sudden memories of heat and sand and pain and rage frothed on the edges of his mind. He quickly banished those thoughts. That had been different. Those Tuskin animals had tortured and murdered his mother; no Jedi could ever understand how that felt. Only Padmé understood his pain and anger during that time.

Padmé. A thrill went through him as he thought of his wife. My love. Somedays he still couldn't believe she was his. Even the brief and hurried times they communicated, his heart still thumped in his chest at her beauty apparent even through the flickering connection. She was the best thing that ever happened to him, and not a day went by without him thanking the Force that she was his. Even with their constant separation, or their hurried meetings in secret, never once did he regret their decision.

Regret? Never. Guilt, on the other hand, sometimes crept upon him unawares. Guilt for betraying his vows as a Jedi, but most of all for deceiving Obi-Wan. Occasionally he marveled at his own power for keeping his feelings for Padmé from the man who knew him best.

That guilt hit him now, suddenly. Obi-Wan had opened up to him, exposed a side Anakin doubted he even had. He proved he had only ever cared about Anakin and what had Anakin given him in return? Nothing but lies and deception.

Doubt warred in his mind. While Obi-Wan had admitted to caring for Anakin, would he understand if Anakin told him about Padmé? Until this afternoon, Anakin would have said no. His friend was the perfect Jedi, the poster boy of the Jedi Council. Something had changed today, but he knew there were lines Obi-Wan would never cross.

No, he could never tell him. While he loved his master, and knew Obi-Wan loved him, he doubted he would condone Anakin's complete disregard of the Code that he followed unreservedly. Perhaps one day, when the war was over, when there was peace for the galaxy he could tell him. He hated hiding this side from his friend, but for now he needed to keep his secret a little longer.

Speaking of . . . Anakin shook himself out of his musings and went to find his mentor.

Neither man had escaped the battle completely unscathed. Besides Anakin's own concussion, Obi-Wan had sustained some shrapnel wounds himself. He had been vague about the details, but Anakin was pretty sure it involved shoving aside some of his men while taking the brunt of an explosion. Anakin shook his head. His stubborn former idiot of a master definitely took the whole Jedi-sacrifice-themselves-for-others tenet too literally.

It was a well-known fact in the Temple, among the troops on The Resolute and The Negotiator—Sith, probably within the whole Grand Army of the Republic—that Obi-Wan Kenobi despised healers. More than once Anakin had found him fighting with broken ribs or unhealed blaster wounds. The war does not stop for minor injuries, Anakin.

Well, to hells with that. At each discovery he raged and growled, and each time—for the most part—Obi-Wan begrudgingly submitted himself to the ministrations of the healers. In Anakin's eyes, Obi-Wan was way too important to be brushed off as another casualty of war. Besides, he had made a promise.

He found Obi-Wan pouring over holo-charts in the tactical area. Face puckered in concentration, his former master stroked his beard as he gazed into the shimmering maps. Shielding his presence, Anakin took a moment to study his friend. His singed robes had been replaced with new ones, and the small cuts on his face seemed to be healed. Yet some wounds could not be healed with bacta and time. This war was making them both old. The older man's hair was beginning to turn grey at the temples, the creases around his eyes traced deeper grooves into his skin.

But his light remained the same, always Anakin's anchor, his solid foundation to stand on.

Anakin could not remain hidden for long, for Obi-Wan's connection to the Force almost rivaled Anakin's. Sensing his former padawan's presence, Obi-Wan glanced up, a slight smile lifting the corner of his mouth.

"Well hello there," he said, clasping his hands behind his back and giving his former padawan a searching look. "Your head must be feeling better, I assume?"

"I thought Jedi never assumed things, Master."

"And here I thought you never learned anything from me."

"I do when I hear something worth learning," Anakin grinned back.

Obi-Wan sighed theatrically, "Oh, if only that were true."

Ah, the light banter, the momentary slip into normalcy. Anakin loved this. This war may take away many things, but not what he had with Obi-Wan. He grinned impertinently at his former master and gestured at the holo-maps. "What are we looking at here?"

Obi-Wan turned to gaze back to the diagrams, the blue light reflecting the color in his eyes. "We have received word from the Council that there has been some Separatist activity near Bespin. Not much, but some Trade Federation ships have been seen in the vicinity." His fingers beat a drumming tattoo on the silver durasteel.

Suddenly, all hints of laughter from the moment before dissipated into the cold. Frowning, Anakin clenched his fist. The war was a cruel mistress; she would not be ignored for long. "Bespin?" he grated out. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the importance of that planet, and the whole Anoat sector."

Obi-Wan glanced back up, his eyebrow raised. "No, Anakin, you do not," he stated dryly. "I understand that most, if not all, of our tibanna gas to refuel our weapons comes from that planet."

Anakin forced his fist to uncurl. "So then, what's the plan? Go in with 'sabers swinging?"

Quirking his lips, Obi-Wan shook his head. "Must you always think with your lightsaber, Anakin?"

Anakin shrugged. "Just following what's been modeled for me," he countered impertinently.

Obi-Wan snorted. How does he make even that sound cultured? "If only," he said, then his face suddenly turned serious. "No, we are not going to go in with "'sabers swinging," as you so eloquently put it. As of right now, the situation is delicate. The leaders on Bespin consider themselves as a neutral planet."

"Then why are they giving us the gas?" Anakin interrupted. "Isn't that equivalent to declaring a side?"

Obi-Wan shot him a look. "Patience, Anakin. I am attempting to explain." Anakin glowered, but gestured for Obi-Wan to continue.

"We have a fragile treaty with them," his former master elaborated, turning back to the holo-maps. "They do supply the Republic with our tibanna gas; however they demand to stay out of the war. Refuse to comply with their demands, and they withdraw their supplies. Nevertheless, it works both ways. In compensation for no military manifestation on their planet they supply the gas evenly to both sides."

Shocked, Anakin stared at the older man. "What? You mean to say they are assisting the Separatists? Perhaps I've misunderstood, but there is no way they could be helping the same Separatists that have overtaken and enslaved dozens of systems."

Obi-Wan ran a hand through his beard, his mouth twisted in a frown. "Anakin, don't be sarcastic. It doesn't suit you. Yes, the same Separatists that the Republic is fighting. You of all people should know war demands difficult decisions. We cannot forcefully take over Bespin to annex all the tibanna without becoming just like the Separatists ourselves."

"Why not?" Anakin snapped, turning away from the older Jedi. He could feel the anger singing in his blood. "You mean to say that because these people want to remain neutral, they are causing the deaths of billions? We should force them to join the Republic. By letting them remain safe we are condemning millions of others to death!"

Sighing, Obi-Wan's shoulders slumped, suddenly looking drained. "It's not that simple Anakin. There are other sources of tibanna that the Separatists could use. It would not solve the problem to take over Bespin forcefully. Besides," he continued unhappily, "We know how far our enemies are willing to go. I am certain removing their access to the Bespin tibanna would only spur on their search for . . . other methods of destruction."

Gritting his teeth, Anakin turned back toward Obi-Wan. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew former master was right. After all, he usually was.

As he looked at Obi-Wan, for a moment in Anakin's eyes he seemed almost—smaller, somehow. Not the vaulted Jedi Master, The Negotiation, a High Jedi General of the Republic, but merely a man; a man worn out from the stresses of leadership. Protectiveness suddenly surged in Anakin.

"You're right, Master," he acquiesced. "I just get so frustrated sometimes. As a child back on Tatooine, I thought things were simple, you know? Just black and white. There were clear lines between good and evil." He paused, clouded eyes gazing into the distance, and then rushed on.

"But now . . . I just feel that this war has . . . spoiled that. We shouldn't have to debate if something is good or bad, we should just know. We shouldn't have to weight it against the number of lives lost, just the fact that any life lost is wrong." He paused again, and then said quietly, "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have been born in another time. When this war wasn't a constant thought, when we didn't have to worry about death and destruction every day."

Anakin stumbled to a stop, suddenly realizing he had opened up to Obi-Wan in a way he never had before. Disconcerted, he shifted his gaze away. Yes, it was different now between them. He knew Obi-Wan cared about him. But what if Obi-Wan turned away? Even though he cared about Anakin, he was still a Jedi through and through. And as a rule, other Jedi did not feel emotions as deeply as Anakin did. He did not think he could stand to see the disappointment in Obi-Wan's eyes before he began a lecture on the Jedi Code.

Yet the man in front of him never ceased to amaze him. Tenderly, Obi-Wan reached over and placed both his hands on Anakin's shoulders, turning him so they were face to face. "Oh, Anakin," he began, his voice soft. "Many people who live to see such times think those very thoughts. But this is not for us to decide. This war is a trial for all of us, the Jedi most of all. Some see the shades of grey and fall into them, never finding their way back to the light. Yet we all must choose what to do with the time that is given to us.

"But that is what makes you so special, my friend. You always amaze me with your goodness. As a child choices may have seemed easier, but you have grown and matured in so many ways. So while I will always remember that little boy on Tatooine, I could not be more proud of the man in front of me today."

Anakin felt his throat close. "Master, I . . . I don't know what to say . . ."

"Then don't say anything," Obi-Wan abruptly grinned, the hands on Anakin's shoulders turning into a slight shove. "Force, I truly believe a miracle has happened today. First you admit I am right—twice, I might add—and then I shock you speechless? The Force must really love me."

Then he laughed: a direct open laugh, a laugh that reached down inside his soul.

Anakin could not keep a grin from splitting his face in two, his own answering laugh resonating out of his chest. Force, it felt good to laugh and to have someone to laugh with. The cathartic delight echoed through their bond. Oh, nothing could completely erase the pain the war brought, but to have someone to laugh with made bearing the pain . . . easier.

Still smiling, Anakin looked over at his former master, his heart suddenly faltering in his chest. It was moments like these that abruptly, unexpected, the dragon he kept chained up in his heart threatened to escape. These little moments of pure happiness, of rightness only reminded him of what he had to lose. He knew he was being foolish, that he should live in the moment, to appreciate what he had—who he had—in the here and now. But deep down, the dragon whispered to him, snarling, clawing at the walls.

All things die, Anakin Skywalker, even the stars burn out.

And it was in these moments that the burning star within him singed away another piece of his armor, chipped away at the disguise he kept in place for all beings in the universe to see, the façade of "hero" that hid the crippling fear that was truly Anakin Skywalker. Because he did fear. Yes, Anakin Skywalker, the Hero With No Fear, hated these moments of happiness because it made him fear all the more the day when the reasons for his happiness, the light that kept his darkness at bay in his world, could be ripped away from him.

Unaware of the struggle within his friend, Obi-Wan reached for the comlink at his belt. "I'm going to call Cody up here. We need to discuss our plans for infiltrating the system. We do not want to cause Bespin to remove their supply because of something we did."

Roughly Anakin thrust such thoughts aside. Focus on the here and now. Obi-Wan was fine, they were both fine. Focus on the mission. He nodded, swallowing the alarm and distress, becoming once more The Hero with No Fear. His lips cracked a small smile. "And by discuss plans I assume that means you already have one?"

"I thought Jedi never assume?" Eyebrow raised, Obi-Wan smirked back at his former padawan.

"Ha ha. Just call Cody up here so we can hear what you've got prepared."

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan grasped his comm just as Anakin's own beeped. Both looked at it, surprised. "It's an incoming transmission from the Chancellor," Anakin said, bemused.

Obi-Wan's eyebrows climbed up his forehead. "Oh," he said simply. "And what do you think the good Chancellor is going to request from us now? Perhaps he is going to invite us to spend a glorious day with the politicians."

Anakin glared at his former master. "I know you don't like him, but he is the Chancellor after all, and head of the Republic that we have vowed to serve."

Obi-Wan snorted. "Yes, the one that he serves too. Although sometimes I wonder if he remembers that when the Senate votes him more and more executive powers. Your friend doesn't seem to be in any hurry to end this war."

Eyes flashing, Anakin shook his head and turned away. He knew Obi-Wan's thoughts on the Chancellor, and he did not want to have their same argument with his friend right now. His friendship with the Supreme Chancellor had always been an area of disagreement between them, and nothing either said now would resolve the issue.

Anakin flicked on the comm and bowed deeply at the flickering transmission. "Chancellor," he greeted him.

"Anakin!" Palpatine smiled warmly, his grandfatherly visage wavering in the blue light. "How are you, my dear boy? I hear congratulations are in order, you have retaken Sullust."

Anakin glanced over at Obi-Wan standing out of view of the transmission. His former master's eyebrow rose sardonically as he crossed his arms over his chest. "It was a joint effort between Master Kenobi and myself," Anakin responded carefully. Sometimes the Chancellor overdid it, but he could not help but feel a blossom of warmth at his words.

The Chancellor understood him, had befriended him from a young age. When he had first come to Coruscant he had only been a young boy, and the Chancellor of the Republic was well, just that—the Chancellor. Yet he had noticed him, taken him under his wing in a time of whirlwind confusion. He was on a new planet, starting a new life, no longer Anakin Skywalker, slave; but Anakin Skywalker, Jedi learner. In those first few years he appreciated having someone outside the Jedi he could talk to, someone with whom he felt he could express himself, be himself.

Clearly, or so his former master believed, it had done nothing good for his superiority complex. He enjoyed the looks he received when he, a young padawan learner, was allowed to talk to Palpatine when others had to wait years for an audience. He relished in them.

He had no qualms about Obi-Wan's thoughts on the relationship. Obi-Wan despised politicians in general and clearly had his reservations about the Chancellor. Often Anakin found his position on politicians humorous and somewhat endearing, seeing how much time the man spent among them. Still, Anakin seethed at his master's disapproving silences when the Chancellor requested another meeting. He knew the Chancellor was different, and presumed Obi-Wan's guardedness as just jealousy.

The Chancellor waved his words away. "I'm sure it was, my dear boy. Are both of you well? The war is trying for all of us."

Anakin glanced over again at Obi-Wan. This time a genuine smile broke out over his face. "Chancellor, both of us are very well." Despite his reservations, an answering smile crossed Obi-Wan's face. Yes, they were better than they ever had been. Brothers, friends—this war may be trying for all, but it had made them both closer.

Anakin glanced back at the figure in the transmission just in time to see—something—flicker across Palpatine's face before it smoothed back into his normal collected expression.

"That is . . . good to hear, Anakin. However, while I am loath to take you off the field when you are doing so much good for the Republic, I must ask a favor of you."

Anakin pulled his brows together, already dreading the Chancellor's next words. "Of course, Supreme Chancellor. What can I do for you?"

"You may not know, but the war effort is suffering. We are losing support in the Senate. Many Senators are beginning to doubt the purpose behind this war. They are losing faith in the Republic." The Chancellor suddenly looked tired. "I will not allow that to happen. There are two senators in particular who are crucial in a vote for more clone troops. I believe if I visit their planets myself it will help our cause."

Anakin cocked his head. "Are you sure that's wise, my lord? Coruscant is safe deep in Republic space. Leaving Coruscant . . . well, it would be devastating if you were to get captured by Separatists while visiting other planets."

The Chancellor smiled again at Anakin. "I understand the risk, and I am willing to take it. However, that is where you come in. I am requesting your protection as I travel off world."

Startled, Anakin blinked at the flickering figure in the hologram. "Me? But, my lord, there must be other Jedi on Coruscant who . . ."

The Chancellor cut him off. "Anakin, please. While I respect the Jedi, sometimes I wonder about their . . . competency in some matters." Anakin winced as he felt a flash of displeasure from Obi-Wan. Well, this isn't going to make him like Palpatine any more than he already does . . .

His attention snapped back to the still talking Chancellor. "You're a hero, and dare I say, famous all throughout the galaxy. I would feel much safer with The Hero With No Fear by my side."

Anakin waivered. On one hand, they had just been assigned another mission from the Council. He doubted they would appreciate the Chancellor taking him away to place him on glorified guard duty.

Yet on the other hand . . . it was the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic. And he wanted Anakin to help him, to protect him. Wasn't that more important than scouting out a system that may or may not be loyal to the Republic? Besides, the mission Obi-Wan had just explained to him sounded simple enough, simply monitoring comings and goings of transports, his old master could probably even handle it himself.

"My lord, I'm not sure the Jedi Council . . ."

Once again the Chancellor cut him off. "I have already spoken to the Council and told them my plans. While they are not particularly pleased, they will not prevent me, or you, from going."

Out of options, Anakin bowed once again. "Then it would be my pleasure to serve you, Chancellor." For a moment, a smug smile sprang to his lips. Even the Council did not dare to stand up to Palpatine. That was power, and its allure sang in his veins. The Chancellor returned his bow and cut the transmission.

Obi-Wan stayed to the side, his arms still over his chest, disapproval written over his face. "I guess I'm going this one alone, then?"

Hurt flared in Anakin. Talking to Palpatine always seemed to have that effect on him. Why couldn't Obi-Wan be happy for him? Couldn't he see how important this was? He should be proud that his former padawan was handpicked by the Chancellor to protect him.

But instead his former master disapproved, he reprimanded, he withheld his affection for spite. He just wanted to hold him back, to keep him by his side so he could watch and correct and lecture when he did something wrong.

"I guess so," he retorted. "If you don't think you can handle it, Master, I'm sure one of the less competent Jedi at the Temple can come assist you."

Obi-Wan's eyes flashed. "Oh, I'm certain I can handle it without help, Padawan," he replied coolly. "I did survive for twenty-five years without you."

Anakin laughed derisively, hurt causing words he never meant to say to burst out of him. "You would have never survived those years alone, Master. Perhaps that is what Master Qui-Gon recognized when he told the Council he wanted me as his apprentice. He was tired of being held back."

Even as he spoke he could not believe what he was saying. He did not mean it; he was just angry—surely Obi-Wan knew that . . .

Obi-Wan's eyes met Anakin's, fleetingly revealing something dark and intense within. The power flashed and heaved through the Force, lighting it up like a bonfire in the night, surging like the seas during a storm. It was moment like these that Anakin remembered his former master was the renowned Sith Killer, and one of the best Jedi in the Order, and he could see why.

Then Obi-Wan's mental barriers slammed up, so fast and so sudden that Anakin was left reeling in the vacuum his presence left behind.

Kriff. "Obi-Wan, look, I'm . . ."

However Commander Cody and several others chose that moment to stride into the room. Anakin gritted his teeth as Cody glanced at the two Generals questioningly. Thoughts still tightly veiled, Obi-Wan turned his back on Anakin and faced the approaching clones.

"We have a new mission," he informed them evenly, always the proper Jedi, giving no indication of the confrontation from before. "General Skywalker will be taking a ship back to Coruscant upon reaching the Anoat sector."

Anakin sighed in frustration. He knew when to back down. There would be time to apologize later. After all, a Jedi always sought out peace. Neither man ever stayed angry at each other for long.

Nevertheless, space was cold, and somehow the space between them felt colder.