Hey, friends.
Man, time has been flying for me lately. Has it been for you all, too? I hope the days have been well for all. :)
Enjoy the new chapter and have a merry day!
XxXxXxXx
Chapter 61: Darkest Thoughts
As the chilly air settled around Wanda and the dots in her vision slowly faded, she could not help but feel relief. It had been more painful than she could have imagined being with a younger Doctor. One still full of hope for the child in their future. Eleven had taken her away for fun almost as soon as she had stepped out of their room. Whisking her off for joy alongside their Ponds, all the while constantly hugging, holding, and kissing her. Occasionally even rubbing a hand around her stomach. She pretended not to know why he was doing so. Kept up a farce as much as she could. But in the end, all three in the TARDIS family knew something was off. They sensed her sadness. She only hoped they had chalked it up to whatever dream she had experienced.
She looked around to where she had arrived to. It seemed like she had appeared back in Roald Dahl Plass in Cardiff. The large water tower was just behind her. As well as the TARDIS, parked there for refuelling. Judging by the smell of the air, she was somewhere during Rose's time. Normally, Wanda would have been overjoyed at the idea of being with her best friend once again. But now—like she had been feeling for a long while—all she felt was numbness. Nothing really made her feel . . . well, anything anymore. Sure, she had felt happy in that dream. But that had been such a wonderful dream. Until the end, of course. But that was beside the point.
Letting out a heavy sigh, she ended up leaning against the railing around the centre area. Just looking out towards the bay not too far away from where she was helped bring a small bit of calm to her. For a brief moment, she wondered if she could just sneak away from the group that was inside the TARDIS. She had never once wanted to be away from the Doctor before. Sure, sometimes she wanted some quiet time away from the others. But from the Doctor? It had never once occurred to her. Now, however, she felt all she wanted was nothing more than to go off and be by herself, doing something alone that might help her feel a bit more at peace with the universe. More or less, she just wanted an option to be in control of her wandering abilities and to just get away for a while. Was that selfish of her, though? She felt that it should be. She should not want to get away. She should want to help her time travelling family when they needed her. Just as she always had in the past. Why was she feeling like this? What was wrong with her?
"Should take another twenty-four hours which means we've got time to kill."
Wanda heard Nine's voice coming from behind her. As well as Jack, Rose, and Mickey. All of them chatting away about this and that. Mostly talking about the disguise of the TARDIS. Wanda did not pay much attention to what they were saying. Mostly, she stayed still, staring off at the waters of the bay. She wondered if they would not notice her there. Maybe, if she went unnoticed, then she could wander off and do something on her own for the day. That would be nice. She never had a chance to do that before.
"Hey, Tink!" came the sudden exclamation from Jack. Wanda let out a soft sigh. So much for wandering off today.
"Hey, Jack," she responded lightly as the Captain came over and gave her shoulder a happy slap. She forced a smile on her face, not wanting him or the others to know how she was truly feeling.
"How's my Tinkerbell been?" Jack questioned brightly, giving her a wink.
"Fine," she mumbled, looking over her shoulder as she saw Rose bouncing over to her while the Doctor and Mickey walked more slowly over. Rose gave Wanda a hug, immediately rambling on about how happy she was now that the short blonde was around. Of course, came the questioning from Mickey about who she was and all that. Wanda let Rose do the explaining of the different faces of a Time Lord and all that.
"Wish I could see these different faces of yours, Tink," Jack spoke up. "Not that I'm tired of this face. Just wanna see how gorgeous all other yous are." He gave her his usual flirtatious smile, appearing very eager to see her other faces.
"You'll get to eventually," Wanda assured him, smiling lightly.
"Is that a promise?" Jack gave her another wink. Wanda did not respond. In fact, her smile dropped somewhat upon the mentioning of 'promise.' Luckily, it went unnoticed by the group of companions. They kept on chatting away as they strolled through the centre, going off to kill time and all that. Jack kept an arm wrapped around her shoulder. Rose kept a hold of one of her hands. Mickey walked next to Jack to keep questioning the man about where he came from and from what time period. All the while Wanda let her eyes fall to the ground, not really joining into the conversations.
Without her realizing it, one pair of blue eyes watched her carefully with a heavy frown on their face.
XxXxXxXx
They ended up in a restaurant on a small jetty. It was a nice, small place. A whole lot of yellow in the restaurant, though. It was sort of sickly to Wanda. She sat there in one of the chairs at the table, staring off at the waters with her chin resting in the palm of her hand as she leaned her elbow on the tabletop. She only half listened to the others laughing away, chatting up about one of Jack's stories or another. It was one she had heard before, so . . .
"You're awfully quiet," she heard the Doctor say suddenly. Wanda blinked, pulling herself out of her daze as she looked back at the group. The Doctor eyed her curiously, seeming to observe her carefully. The others trailed off in their laughter, realizing that she had not been participating in their conversations. Something very unusual for Third Wanda.
"Sorry," Wanda replied, giving them all a strained smile, "don't mind me. Just not feeling all here today. Been a little, ah, sick lately."
"Didn't know aliens could get sick," said Mickey with sarcasm.
"Oh, yeah, because we're aliens we aren't affected by the common cold," the Doctor retorted in a scoff, rolling his eyes at the man.
"How'd you get sick? Do you need some medicine?" Rose asked with concern.
"Nah, I'll be fine," Wanda assured them, trying to make her smile brighten for them. "Just a head cold I got from Spaceman in the future. Nothing to worry about."
"Ha! That's a laugh. As if I'd get sick that easily," the Doctor responded in a scoff. At Wanda's cheeky smirk, he rolled his eyes. "Fine. I suppose it can happen even to the best of us."
"Oh, poor baby. Looks like you're stuck with all us other apes with the sniffles," Rose teased the Doctor, smirking ever so playfully at him.
"Oi, I'll have you know—," the Doctor began to retort, wagging a finger at the girl. The others laughed along as the Doctor and Rose threw jokes at each one another. Once more, Wanda grew quiet, staring off over the Doctor's shoulder in a thoughtful daze. The Time Lord looked at her once he got done joking with Rose, frowning in suspicion. He had never seen her so . . . muted before. Reclusive, even. Was it because she was around him again? He knew they had their few shares of fights in the past, but they were only a few spats here and there. They had gotten along better than they had before when they first met. Unless he had lost his temper sometime in her future again. This thought disheartened him a little. He had hoped that he was getting better at his temper. As well as them getting along much more.
But maybe it was something more than that. For the more he stared at her, the more he began to recognize something from her. Something he too felt on and off again for many centuries. A deep welling of sadness that would just not go away. He noticed it when she smiled. For it was the same smile he would have to put on every so often. Before he could ponder more on this—or begin to wonder if whether or not he should pull Wanda aside somewhere more private for them to have a chat—the blonde suddenly got up from the table in a swift motion and went over to another table. This being where an older gentleman sat reading a newspaper. When the elderly man began to protest, Wanda merely shushed him before walking back over to her friends. Again, something out of character for her. Normally that was him being the rude one.
"Sorry, you lot, but chit-chat's over," Wanda said strictly, slapping the newspaper on the table for all to see. They all glanced down to see a large picture of a woman from the past, Margret Blaine—known to them as Blon Fel-Fotch Passameer-Day Slitheen—with the headline proclaiming her to be the new Mayor. Wanda glared darkly at the picture. A look in her eye that went unnoticed by the others of the group. "Time to get to work." With that said, she turned on her heel and marched out of the restaurant. The others stared after her. Each one with their own look of apprehension or worriment for their friend.
"I'm starting to think she's more than just sick," Rose muttered quietly to the Doctor. The Time Lord merely grunted in agreement, standing up to catch up with their blonde friend.
XxXxXxXx
The five of them marched through the city, going straight to city hall. All of them on a mission to get to the Slitheen in disguise and stop her from doing whatever it was she had planned. For they knew there had to be something at play here. A sudden new nuclear plant investment to be built in the city? Too much of a coincidence given the Slitheen's past. Even if it just so happened Margaret had nothing planned, they knew it would still be good of them to go confront her about what other crimes she had committed in the past. So, they came into the city hall foyer. Jack had been using one of his intelligence devices while on their way there, reading up all about the Slitheen to he knew what he was about to face alongside his friends.
"According to intelligence, the target is the last surviving member of the Slitheen family," Jack began to state, curt and to the point. An old habit from when he used to be Time Agent. "A criminal sect from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorious masquerading as a human being, zipped inside a skin suit. Okay, plan of attack. We assume a basic fifty-seven-fifty-six strategy, covering all exits . . ." He trailed off as he and the others watched as Wanda marched right on without pausing like the rest of them had. Clearly not even paying attention to what Jack was saying. He blinked, sharing a puzzled expression with the others. ". . . Or we could just keep going. That works, too, I guess."
The Doctor, with an even heavier frown appearing on his face, marched more briskly away from them in keeping up with Wanda. The others soon swiftly followed along, not wishing to be left behind. The companions began to worry even more how Wanda seemed to stomp even quicker to the Mayor's office, ignoring them all completely.
"Excuse me, but you can't—," the male clerk behind the front desk of the Mayor's office began to say. But Wanda seemed to ignore him completely. Shock went through the group behind the blonde as she merely lifted a foot up and kicked the doors in with such a force they flew off their hinges. The doors landed up with a thud on the floor, leading them all into the office. Margaret jumped from where she sat at her desk, dropping her cup of tea with a crash. She leapt from her seat, staring at the newcomers with wide eyes. Wanda gave her no time to react. Flicking out her sonic screwdriver, she aimed it right at the disguised woman, deactivating the jewelled teleports that Margaret kept on her at all times. The Lord Mayor yelped as her earrings and jacket pin sparked wildly for a moment before fizzing out. She yanked off her jewellery, glaring at the blonde before her.
"There," Wanda said gruffly as she shoved her sonic back into her trouser pocket. "You all can take care of it from here." She turned on her heel, marching right past them and back out of the office.
"And where are you going?" the Doctor called to her, crossing his arms as he held a stern gaze at her back. This was not like her. Not one bit.
"I'm going back to the TARDIS," he heard Wanda say curtly, not even pausing as she just turned the corner and disappear from sight.
"What's gotten into her?" asked Mickey as he just seemed plain puzzled by this version of Wanda. The Doctor and Jack shared a look. The Time Lord let out a sigh, nodding to the Captain while he himself went over to Margaret, who seemed to be edging over to the window in hopes of an escape. Jack nodded back, understanding what the Time Lord was telling him as the Captain turned around and jogged out of the office.
Outside, walking fast down the sidewalk, Wanda stomped her way back to Roald Dahl Plass through the growing dusk of the city. She knew she was not being fair to the others. She should have let them do their own thing in getting Margaret captured. It had always been a fun moment to watch back on the telly. She liked letting her family have fun moments. It was mean to take that away from them. But when she had remembered Margaret; she remembered what the Slitheen had almost done. Killing all those people to hide her plans of Earth's destruction was horrible, unspeakable even, yes. But then she remembered Cathy Salt, the young reporter who had confronted Margaret about the mysterious deaths and nuclear power plant. She remembered what Margaret had almost done to Cathy. What the Slitheen would have done if not for Cathy revealing that she was with child. If Margaret had realized afterwards that she had killed an unborn child . . . would she have even cared? Or would she have passed it off as nothing?
As she came up to the centre area where the TARDIS was parked, she did not even bother with going to the ship. Instead, in her boiling anger, she walked over to a railing circling the centre, gripping onto it tightly. All the while, she thought of nothing else but what would become of Cathy and her unborn child. Nothing but the Slitheen murdering in the same way the Master had with Ember. Ending a life before it had even started. Just like that.
"Tink?"
Wanda blinked out her haze of fuming as she saw Jack coming over to her from the corner of her eye. She shifted away from the railing, trying to quickly calm herself down before he got closer to her. Best not let him, or anyone else, see her in such a state. She did not wish to scare them.
"Are you feeling okay?" he asked her once he got closer, staring at her in concern. "You've been acting a little off today. Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, I'm fine, Captain," Wanda replied as light as she could.
Jack eyed her sceptically, getting closer to her still. "Are you sure?"
Wanda looked away, staring back out towards the bay. "Fine. Why do you ask?"
Looking back at him, she saw the eye of worry he was giving her. Something which made her feel guilty for not keeping up in being as she used to act. She glanced over his shoulder, seeing the Doctor and gang. With Margaret being forced to walk by Mickey, Wanda noticed the Time Lord carried the tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator under the crook of his arm. Funny, she did not think they would come back to the TARDIS this quickly. Maybe her speeding things up in capturing Margaret had done that. Either way, at least it would get this day over with sooner before she ended up losing control as she had done in the past. She was quick to get away from Jack, going over to the TARDIS to unlock it to be able to allow Mickey to get inside the ship with Margaret.
"You wanna explain why you just left us?" the Doctor called over to Wanda, halting her before she stepped into their ship.
Wanda merely shrugged and replied, "You had it covered. You didn't need me," before going inside the ship. As soon as the ship door closed, Rose turned to the two men beside her.
"Something's wrong. This isn't like her," she said, biting her lip in uncertainty as she worried for her friend. "Do you think something happened in the future?"
"Could be," muttered the Doctor as he thought over some of the new information they had learned from one of the Mayor's offices. The name chosen for the nuclear power planet, Blaidd Drwg, which is Welsh for Bad Wolf. He had brushed off this name to the others, not wanting them to worry about a name following them through time and space. But he knew better than such thing as coincidences. Especially when he felt a vague feeling that of recollection whenever he heard that name mentioned.
"She called me 'Captain.' Has to be something bad that's bothering her," Jack spoke up, earning the Time Lord's attention. "She wouldn't say anything to me when I asked if she wanted to talk."
"Do you think I should try?" offered Rose.
"Don't," came the strict order from the Doctor. "If she wants to talk, she'll talk. Just leave her be until then. Now, come on. We've got a Slitheen to take care of. Oh, and got a present for you." The Doctor handed the extrapolator over to Jack. He let the 51st century man be giddy over finding such a device as he marched into his ship.
Already Margaret was walking around the console, taking in the look of the ship and the vast size of the inside. Mickey was on the opposite end around the console, crossing his arms as he stared warily at the short, older woman. Meanwhile, Wanda was leaning against railings around the control room, staring very steady at the woman they had brought in. It was almost eerie in how her gaze was, unmoving from Margaret. The Doctor glanced over as Jack began to connect the extrapolator to the console. Just as he expected the man to do. It would help shave time off the TARDIS needing to refuel, after all.
"This ship is impossible!" Margaret suddenly exclaimed in delight, grinning mischievously as she gazed around the ship and the controls. "It's superb! How do you get the outside around the inside?" The woman turned, facing the Time Lord curiously.
"Like I'd give you the secret, yeah," scoffed the Doctor as he went over to begin helping Jack rig up the extrapolator to the console. Margaret frowned for a moment before gazing around at the control room once more.
"I almost feel better about being defeated," the woman went on saying. "I never stood a chance. This is the technology of the gods."
"Don't worship me, I'd make a very bad god," muttered the Doctor. "You wouldn't get a day off, for starters." Fiddling with some wires across the console, the Doctor glanced down at Jack who appeared almost done in connecting the extrapolator to the console by having pulled out different wires from under the grated floor. "Jack, how we doing, big fella?"
"This extrapolator's top of the range," Jack stated as he twisted some wires together. He then glanced at Margaret curiously. "Where did you get it?"
"I don't know, some airlock sale?" Margaret replied, looking as though she did not really wish to discuss her acquiring of such a device.
"Must've been a great, big heist. It's stacked with power," stated Jack curtly.
"But we can use it for fuel?" said the Doctor, hoping that his earlier thoughts had been correct.
"It's not compatible. But it should knock off about twelve hours," said Jack, confirming the Doctor's earlier guesses. "We'll be ready to go by morning."
"Then we're stuck here, overnight," the Doctor said, shrugging. It was not as if they were not going to be stuck here on Earth anyway. But twelve hours is better than twenty-four. So there was that at least.
"I'm in no hurry," muttered Margaret.
"We've got a prisoner," Rose suddenly spoke up, earning everyone's attention. The girl smiled lightly, seeming amused as she realized something. "The police box is really a police box."
"You're not just police, though," Margaret spoke up, smirking cruelly at the blonde companion. "Since you're taking me to my death, that makes you my executioners. Each and every one of you." She eyed them all steadily. Even Wanda, who has still remained ever so silent. Still, the blonde woman kept her arms folded tightly across her chest with eyes refusing to leave Margaret even for a second. The captive woman looked away as her stomach twisted a bit from the strange way those mystical emerald eyes stared at her. She did not remember this woman from the Doctor's group from before. She wondered briefly what had happened to the raven-haired woman from before.
"You deserve it," Mickey retorted crossly.
"You're very quick to say so," Margaret replied smoothly, eyeing the young man up now. "And you're very quick to soak your hands in my blood. Which makes you better than me how, exactly?"
"Oh, quit with the damn mind games."
The group tensed when Wanda suddenly spoke up. Her voice came out hard, gruff, and full of anger. The blonde stomped towards the Slitheen, glaring at the woman. None saw how darkly she stared the Slitheen down, for her back was turned to the others as she faced the prisoner. But Margaret saw it all. Even the brief white flash in her eyes. Margaret backed up a bit, her expression dropping somewhat as fear crept up her spine.
"You've killed hundreds of innocent lives, considering your own above all else," Wanda said, her teeth gritting together as she jabbed a finger at the woman. "And before you go all 'boo-hoo, woe as me' with a pathetic excuse of you being 'forced' to kill since you were young, I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. I know for a fact that you had your opportunity to change when you teleported away from your family on that day. You could have become a new person and started your life over. Sure, you were stuck on Earth. Big deal. At least you could have had a new chance, a second chance. But, no, you decided instead to go around and kill more people to get yourself off planet. For that, Blon Fel-Fotch Passameer-Day Slitheen, I'm not giving you a pass on."
"Do I know you?" Margaret asked hesitantly.
"I'm the woman with the raven hair. You know, the one you almost killed with your poison dart?"
Margaret looked her up and down. "You don't look anything like her."
"I change faces," spat Wanda.
"So, you're more than willing to take me off to die, because you think I'm past redemption?" Margaret disputed crossly, returning the blonde's glare.
Wanda's eyes flashed again as she stepped closer to the woman, baring her teeth at her. "Tell me something, Blon. If you'd found out Cathy Salt was pregnant after you'd kill her, what would you have done? Hmm?" She jabbed her finger hard into the woman's chest with each word that followed. "What. Would. You. Have. Done?"
"Wanderer!"
Wanda stepped back from the frightened looking Margaret, glancing over towards her friends. The Doctor had been the one to call to her, staring sternly with disproval by her behaviour. Everyone else appeared simply worried she was about to attack Margaret. Something none of them seemed to think was possible of her. She felt irritated. What, the Doctor and companions could lose their tempers every once and a while with others, but she could not? She had to always be the innocent, happy one in the group? How fair was that?
She huffed, stomping out of the TARDIS and out into the night. She stormed over and away from the TARDIS, closer to some railings around the walkway of the centre. Wanda held her arms crossly around herself, glaring at nothing in particular as she internally fumed. That Margaret . . . That damn Slitheen . . . Wanda wanted to storm back into the TARDIS and tell them all of Margaret's plans with the extrapolator. Then, by stopping the rift from tearing open, it would ensure that Margaret would be sent back to her planet to meet the punishment of what she and her family had done. She deserved to die. She deserved the death plenty. Wanda wanted to watch it. She wanted to watch that damn child killer melt away in—
Wanda fell forward, gripping the railing tightly as a wave of horror and nausea overcame her. She felt sick to her stomach when it hit her exactly where her mind had gone. She—She . . . she did not wish for anyone to . . . She was not . . . Oh, god . . . Wanda stood there shakily before slowly crouching down as she kept hold of the railing. Her mind raced. She had wanted to send a person off to their death and watch them die. She wanted that. This terrified her more than anything else in the universe. Had she really become the monstrous wolf she had always feared from so long ago?
"Wanderer, I think we need to talk," came the voice of Jack from right behind her. Wanda glanced over her shoulder briefly, seeing the Captain standing just behind her, staring back with great concern.
"Since when do you call me 'Wanderer'?" she joked meekly.
"Since when do you call me 'Captain'?" he countered, coming over to stand beside the railing. His eyes remained on her, as troubled by her behaviour as ever. The fact that she remained crouched on the ground, looking to be pale and sick to her stomach by something, made him wonder if she was going through some kind of sickness of her pregnancy. Was her pregnancy had something to do with her behaviour today? There was only one way for him to find out. "Do you have the ring?"
Her response to this question was not what he had been expecting. She began to weep, letting go of the railing as she covered both hands over her mouth. Her whole body shook, and she appeared to just break down completely. He immediately got down on the ground next to her, pulling her close.
"Tinkerbell, what's wrong? Come on, you need to tell me," he said, trying to get her to look at him. "What happened? Is it . . . is it the baby?"
"Y-yes," Wanda whispered hoarsely, leaning against him as she cried quietly. She looked back over to the TARDIS before her eyes gazed back at Jack. Her whole demeanour changed to that of defeated and sombre. "We need to talk. Alone. Can we go somewhere?"
"Sure. Come on, I think I know a place. Rose told me about it." Jack helped her up back on her feet, gently guiding her away from the area. She practically leaned against him, just glad for the support and comfort of another. Something she rarely felt nowadays.
As they walked away from the TARDIS, within the ship a pair of blue eyes watched the two strolling away together on the console's screen. The Doctor drummed his fingers on the console, feeling disquieted and displeased.
"Anything bad?" Rose asked from the floor as she and Mickey continued with what Jack had instructed them to do for the extrapolator before the Captain had left the ship. The two of them had wanted to go off and relax like they used to. But something told them that they would be needed here instead. There was also Rose's rather urgent feeling of wanting to go help Wanda with whatever had upset the woman. But Jack told her to stay behind, thinking perhaps Wanda just needed time to settle before coming back to talk with them all.
"Nothing, just . . .," the Doctor muttered in response, quickly turning off the scanner. His frown deepened as he looked to the two humans helping him out. "Why don't you two go out for the night, yeah? I've got things covered here."
"What about her?" Mickey countered, jabbing the screwdriver in his hand towards Margaret, who still sat in the jump seat quietly.
"What, you think I can't handle being on guard duty?" sassed the Doctor, waving the two away from the extrapolator. "Go on. Go do what you humans normally do at night. I've got things covered." The two looked at the Time Lord, then at each other. Mickey shrugged and walked off while Rose bit her lip, appearing to want to protest against leaving for a minute. But in the end, she followed after Mickey, leaving the Doctor alone with the Slitheen. He stayed on the floor, just tinkering away at the extrapolator absently.
"Do I get a last request?" Margaret asked vaguely.
"Shut it," growled the Doctor as he yanked at a loose wire.
XxXxXxXx
Wanda sat across the table from Jack in silence. They ended up in some kind of local pub. Somewhere Rose had said she wanted to take Jack, Wanda, and the Doctor sometime in the future. Jack ended up ordering a strong drink after the story Wanda told him. Apparently, he needed one to help process everything she had said. And this did mean everything. From her past to the present, she told him all she knew he was supposed to know. She left out the finer details. Such as who exactly had killed Ember. But she doubted he really wanted to know that anyway. What was done could never be erased. Why bother knowing who had caused it when they were already dead in the future?
Jack sat there, with one hand on his forehead as he stared down at his drink and the other hand on the glass itself. Just staring as he seemed to think about it all. Finally, he said, "Is there any way we could get the Doctor to—?"
"No," Wanda said firmly, giving the man a steady eye, "the Doctor of the past can never know. It'd be a paradox. Can't go having those happening given what's happened in the past with paradoxes. I mean, I could probably handle a couple of Reapers, but the universe exploding is not something I'd like to do a repeat of." Jack blinked for a moment, about to ask her how often she had to or through the universe blowing up but decided against it. He would rather not know at this point.
"There has to be something. Anything. We can't just . . ." He gave a heavy sigh, taking another long drink before setting his mug down hard. He finally seemed to accept defeat, knowing that if she said there was nothing to be done then it must be so. She always knew, after all. "How are you handling it all? Four hundred years of lost memories, on top of learning about some crazy entity living inside of you and not being a Time Lord . . . I couldn't imagine how you're feeling."
Wanda slowly closed her hands together on the tabletop, staring down at them wearily. "It's been . . . years now. But I—I still feel like it's only happened yesterday. The pain of losing Ember is unbearable some days. I feel lost . . . I feel cold and numb. Like I can't catch my breath most days. I just . . . I don't know how to move on. I thought I did. But then I realized it was leading me somewhere unhealthy."
"Isn't the Doctor from the future helping you?"
Wanda closed her eyes and felt a pain in her hearts at the thought of the Doctor she had left behind. "It's more of the other way around. I need to help him move on. So that when it's my time, he can continue on being a Doctor. I realize now he knows what's coming for me later in my life. He's been fighting against it for some time without me seeing it. But now that I know . . ."
"Wait, what are you talking about?" Staring at her with great concern now, Jack pushed his drink aside as he got more serious. "You're not—."
"I'm dying, Jack," Wanda said quietly, nodding as she knew he realized what she was indicating. "No one can live after going through a split from a bad chameleon arch. When the barriers were there, it kept Alpha and I, for the most part, perfectly separated and able to survive. We could have lived for a few good thousand years like that without any extreme side effects. But with the barriers gone, there's nothing separating us anymore. Our body is falling apart because of it." She paused, still gathering her words carefully. "The TARDIS is helping us stay alive longer. With her help, we can last a good while through the Doctor's timeline. Probably several centuries at least. Once we reach the end of our connection with the Doctor's timeline . . . I don't think even the TARDIS can help us stay alive."
"But weren't the barriers something Alpha created? Can't she just, I don't know, put them up again?" Jack asked desperately, looking for any means to keep his friend alive.
Wanda shook her head firmly. "She could, but . . . that would mean that I would be erased again. I was a blank slate when she put up the first barriers. To do so again, she would have to go through and wipe my memories to make my mind blank. I would forget you, Rose, Mickey . . . and the Doctor. I would no longer be the Wanda you know now. Neither one of us wants that."
"So you'd rather die than forget us or yourself." Jack let out a very long sigh, nodding his head. "Yeah, I can understand that." Drumming his fingers on the tabletop for a moment, he shook his head firmly. "There has to be something else you could do. Maybe if you tell the Doctor now he can take time to prepare for it in your future? You said he knows. What's to say you haven't told him this day and he has it figured out in your own far future?" The way she remained silent was unsettling. He straightened, staring at her more severely now. "You're not thinking of just letting it happen, are you? I know you're depressed over everything's that's happened—hell anyone would be—but, dammit, Wanderer, you can't just give up like this."
Wanda's hands tightened together as she kept her eyes fixated on the table. "It's a fixed point in time. There's nothing I can do even if I wanted to."
"So you're saying you are giving up? The Wanderer I know never would. She would have figured out a way. Fixed point in time or not. The Doctor sure as hell would."
"Well I'm not the Doctor, okay? I know when it's time for things to end. Every story must have an ending. Even if it's not an ending we wish for, it's the journey getting there that has the true meaning in life." Lifting her eyes she stared at him with a heavy hearts. "Besides, it's best for us to part from the universe. If we stayed alive past that point in time . . . I'm afraid all those prophecies of us will come true."
"But didn't you say Alpha is trying to be better?"
"She is, but . . . even she admits she would most likely lose control of herself if things became too much for us both. The power in us has more control over us than we do of it. The Time Vortex . . . it's something no one can really control. If they are not a TARDIS, at least."
Jack slumped in his seat, staring off for a bit. When he looked back, he appeared more resolute, accepting that there would be the inevitable ending for her one day. Though there was still some hope in his eyes for a better future. "Are you absolutely sure that it's a fixed point in time?"
"Yes." Wanda gave him an empty smile. "It was the one time Alpha and I was actually able to see our own timeline. When we were healing back in the pocket universe, we saw it. It was brief, but . . ." She closed her eyes, recalling what they had seen. "We saw the Doctor dying. Some time far into his future with a face we've never even met. He dies right before us in a graveyard. We aren't able to stop it. We won't be able to stop it. And with his death, the promise Alpha made with him long ago is completed. She'll lose control. Her programming, our programming, that the Dalek's implemented into us will take over and we'll destroy everything." Opening her eyes once more, she held a grave and sombre expression. "So, in a way, we have to die. If we don't . . . everyone else will. I won't let that happen."
I won't let that happen, either. Always for you, Wanda. came Alpha's quiet words. Her other half having been quite subdued for a while now. The energy it takes for them to communicate was draining. They had to rest for some time before they jumped back into longer conversations.
"So that's it? You die and the universe lives? Just like that?" Jack questioned, staring at her in disbelief.
"Just like that," Wanda nodded solemnly. She let them sit there for a moment in grim silence, allowing him to process everything they had discussed. She knew it was a lot to take in. She hated to have to tell him all of this. It was a burden, knowing future knowledge. River had to deal with it just as heavily and it took a toll on the woman many times. Jack would have to go through so much in his life, and already had in many ways. To place more on him hurt her in knowing how it would hurt him. But she already knew that in the future he had all of this information already. She had to tell him everything whether she wanted to or not.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" he finally ended up asking quietly, knowing, for the most part, there really was not anything anyone could do for her at this point. He gave her a faint smile. "I feel pretty useless at this point."
Wanda reached across the table, taking one of his hands in a gentle hold. "All I can ask from you is to keep being my friend. That's all I want. If you still wish to, that is."
"Nah, there's no getting rid of me at this point. You're stuck with me for life, Tink." He gave her a wink and flirtatious smile. Going right back into his old Jack self.
Wanda smile peacefully that genuinely reached her eyes this time. She was glad that all that she told him did not seem to hurt him that badly. That they could still be as fun-loving as they were before. She tensed when a low rumble was heard off in the distance. Time was up for them, it seems.
"Come on, Smexy. Time to get back to the TARDIS," Wanda said urgently, quickly getting him up from his seat and out of the pub.
XxXxXxXx
Things went the same as Wanda remembered it. The rift was torn open by the extrapolator connecting with the TARDIS power supply. The entire area underwent a major earthquake as the ground around the centre where the TARDIS was parked began to crack open from the strain of the rift opening. The TARDIS shook in place as a light beam shot into the sky into a massive swirling cloud overhead. The whole world would tear apart soon if this was not stopped.
Jack and Wanda ended up running into Rose and Mickey as they all scrambled into the TARDIS. They stumbled into the ship with the Doctor yelling at Margaret about what she had done as he tried to disconnect the extrapolator from the console. Jack and Mickey rushed over to help get the device away from the console to stop what was happening. All the while Margaret kept repeating that she had nothing to do with what was happening. Until she grabbed a hold of Rose and demanded for the extrapolator, that is.
Wanda watched calmly from the sidelines. Not worried in the least over Rose's safety. Though it did make her angry in seeing the girl put under such fear, Wanda kept her head clear in knowing no harm would truly happen to the companion. And just as she knew it would, the console opened up, the TARDIS of the heart shined outwardly, and Rose was spared by Margaret as the Slitheen let her go. Then, Margaret disappeared completely as the human skin was left behind. Once the Doctor managed to get the console closed, it was quick work for them all to get the console shut once more.
"You know, it'd be nice if you'd give us a warning on these things every once and a while. I thought you used to give us 'sneak peeks'?" the Doctor spoke up, sounding irritated.
"Sorry," Wanda mumbled before walking over to Margaret's old skin suit. She pulled out the egg from within, letting them all see what had happened to the Slitheen.
"She's an egg?" Rose blurted out, in complete disbelief of what had happened to Margaret. Wanda just went over to the console, setting the egg down before heading down the corridor. She did not feel like explaining what had happened to the Slitheen. Best just let the Doctor handle that.
She sent the TARDIS a soft tune in thanks when seeing the door to her room right there for her around the corner. Stepping in, her shoulders slumped as she saw the barely used room. It was like being back in Victorian London again. She and the Doctor never used this room together anymore. She only used it to compose music when she needed some time to get her mind off of things. There had been days where she would sit in the room, just waiting for the Doctor to come in and be with her as he had used to. But since that night where she had hurt him . . . he never came to be with her anymore. Since it hurt too much to be in a room that held such memories, she found another room to sleep in when she needed to. It was smaller. Just a basic room. But it was good enough for what was needed.
Now, being back in their old room (or rather, in this case, it was their new room), she just wanted to curl up in the bed and pretend to be cuddled up with her Theta like she once did. Sighing, she turned and went to her music desk, sitting there as she pulled out a sheet of paper from her trouser dimensional pocket. Folding it, she simply stared at it for a long moment. The title jumping out at her strongly. For Our Lost Spark. A piece she had made for their lost daughter. If only she could have had a chance to play for Ember in life. It made her wonder if their daughter would have liked music as much as she did. Placing the music sheet carefully into a draw, she shut it quickly when hearing the bedroom door opening. She had been expecting the Doctor to come to scold her for letting the rift be broken open. She had hoped he would have cooled off in the control room, but knowing Nine . . .
"So . . . are you going to tell me what's wrong, or should I go let you and Jack skip off again?"
Wanda blinked as she realized—though his statement had been rude—it did not sound as fuming as she had expected it to be. In fact, it sounded as though he were trying to make some sort of joke. She forgotten that this was later Nine. He did not get as temperamental as he had early in his incarnation. She glanced at him, seeing how he stood leaning against the door. With arms crossed and frown on his face, he stared at her carefully, observing for some sort of reaction from her by his statement.
"Nothing's wrong. What makes you think that?" she responded lightly, staring back down at her desk.
"You know, you've always been a terrible liar," he said casually, moving away from the door to stand closer to her. "After being around me for so long you haven't learned to lie like me? What kind of friend of mine are you anyway?" Again, he tried joking. Once more, it made her feel reminiscent of their time together alone in the TARDIS. The time of their 'first' meeting.
A small laugh escaped through Wanda as she smiled so softly. "I guess I'm a horrible friend then."
"Not as horrible as I am." He smiled for a second before growing more serious. "Wanderer, really, what's wrong? I know me and your current self haven't always gotten along in the past, but that doesn't mean you're still not my friend. You can tell me if something's troubling you, you know."
"Do you always tell me what's bothering you?" she retorted lightly, refusing to look him in the eye.
He gave a shrug. "Touché." He tapped his fingers against his arm, still staring at her carefully. "You don't have to tell me everything. Just the basics. I want to know because of what happened tonight. You barely even flinched when Rose was captured by Margaret. You didn't even bother to say something. That's not like you. Even First you would have said something. If whatever's bothering you puts yourself and overs in jeopardy, then don't you think I have the right to know? Why would you let Margaret almost destroy the Earth? At least not without giving us a sneak peek or . . ." He stopped speaking when he saw her shoulder beginning to shake. A small sob escaped her mouth before she covered her face with her hands. He shifted, very much worried now over her wellbeing. He walked over, crouching down as he patted her back as best as he could. He was never good at showing Wanda affection with hugs and such. Something he had slowly been realizing was because of . . . certain reasons he did not wish to think about at the moment.
"I was being insensitive again, wasn't I? I'll let you give me a punch, would that make you feel better?" he tried to joke again, hoping to redirect this situation. Perhaps he should not have pushed her into talking. After all, she was right. She never pushed him. So why should he push her?
"I wanted her dead. That's why I had to let her plans continue. So she could get her second chance and so I wouldn't . . . so I wouldn't become a monster," Wanda cried, lifting her head to stare at him in defeat. Tears slowly ran down her face as she seemed so torn up about what she had wanted to happen to the Slitheen.
He blinked, stunned. "What?"
"I-I wanted her dead. I wanted to see her executed because I was just so angry about what she did. About what she almost did to Cathy Salt and her unborn child." She lowered her gaze. "What you must think of me . . ."
"I think you're just like anyone else in the universe." He turned the chair, making her face him as he sat himself on the ground so they could sit face-to-face. "I've had my fair share of dark thoughts. You know this. So why do you think you're a monster because of it? Hell, if anyone's a monster it'd be me. The fact that you chose to make certain Blon got a second chance just shows that you're not willing to listen to that dark side of yourself. Yeah, it's there. But it doesn't mean we let it control us."
Wanda merely nodded. She knew he was right. It was just . . . she had never experienced such thoughts before. Maybe anger, yes. But wanting someone to die? Never outright in such a violent way. It had scared her.
"It's scary, isn't it, having thoughts like that?" the Doctor spoke up, earning her attention. She looked at him, seeing the empathetic expression of his. "It scared me the first time I felt that. It becomes so common over time . . ." He let out a heavy sigh while shaking his head. Then, he gave her a more confident smile. "But that's why I have people like you and Rose around . . . and, yeah, even Jack. You all help me keep my head on straight. So, I'll make sure to help you, too, if you feel as though you might be losing yourself. All right?" He stood up with a bright grin, giving her a clap on the shoulder. "Tell you what, why don't we go somewhere fun? We'll drop off Blon Fel-Fotch into a hatchery on Raxacoricofallapatorius. After that, who knows. We'll figure it out as we go from there." He started to leave the door but slowly stopped when seeing Wanda visibly look worn by the idea of going off somewhere. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she mumbled, getting up to go.
"Now, what did I say? Tell me what's on your mind," he said sternly, turning once more back to her.
"I . . . I don't really want to do anything. I don't want to be rude, but . . . I think I just need a day by myself," she sighed as guilt crossed her face.
"Why didn't you say so? Of course you can have a day to yourself! We all need those every once and a while. What do you think I do when you and the others are asleep? Knitting?"
Wanda smiled as her demeanour relaxed. She then smirked playfully at him. "Actually, yes."
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Ha! The day I start knitting is the day I retire. Which will be never."
He promptly steered her out of the room, taking her into the control room. She was glad to see everyone else seemed to have wandered off to do their own thing for now. She did not feel like explaining herself in why she did not wish to be around them. Especially to Rose.
Wanda felt embarrassed as the Doctor insisted on handing her some money for whatever she wanted to do around Cardiff. She did not want to do anything that really needed money per say. But he seemed to think she needed some for just in case moments. She also still felt embarrassed and ashamed by wanting to go off and be away from the Doctor and others. But he kept reassuring her that it is okay to want to get away and be alone. It was the same thing he felt, and still feels, after the Time War. As he said, sometimes, it is perfectly fine with being alone. But one must always remember that, to truly heal, they need the comfort of others in their lives. Something Second Wanda had reminded him of. This warmed her hearts more than anything, knowing in just how much she had helped him heal over time. Something she hoped to keep doing through the future. Even if she was a bit broken now.
"So, I'll just be an hour—," she tried saying once they were both outside of the TARDIS by the water tower.
"Make it two hours," the Doctor said, waving away any dispute she tried to make on that. "Go enjoy yourself. We'll be here when you get back."
"And if I'm not back by then, just assume I wandered away," Wanda said, nodding in agreement.
"Consider it done." The Doctor gave her another smile.
Wanda gave one in return. She had forgotten how much she missed Nine. The Doctor who wanted nothing more than to be her friend. Something she needed during times like these. Placing a gentle hand on his chest, she leaned up and kissed his cheek tenderly. "Thank you," she whispered to him before stepping away. With one more brief smile, she turned and walked away, going out into the morning light of the city.
The Doctor stood there, rubbing at his cheek, trying to ignore his rapid beating hearts as he watched her walk away. He wished there was more he could do for her. But he knew that, sometimes, just the small things helped the most. Just being a friend there for her was just as important as a grand adventure. He should know. She had done just the same for him in the past. Even if she had never realized it. So, he knew with whatever had happened to her that made her feel so broken, he would now do the same for her.
XxXxXxXx
I realize lately we've been going through quite a lot of emotional chapters lately. I hope it hasn't been too hard reading for you all. I promise that we will have happier chapters soon! Just maybe not as perfectly happy as they used to be. Please, please let me know what your thoughts are for this chapter in a review. I promise to send cookies and hugs for all of those who need them! :)
Reviewers:
All The Stories Are True 24601: Alpha is an ever-growing character. Glad you enjoy it! :) Yeah, I'm kind of realizing that I'm too good at the heartbreaks haha. Alpha's dream . . . you know, I might just put that one in an extra chapter whenever I get around to putting together a oneshot series for this saga. ;) Man, I wish it was that cool here. It's just so hot. But luckily we've hit a cool front for now. Let's just hope it stays for a while and we get some rain before August. That month is the worst here in the States. Until next time! Take care and stay cool. ;)
LovableAmethyst129: I feel you. I know I've cried writing these chapters. ;-;
mjahappy: Glad you're liking it! Hope you enjoy where the end going to. :)
Arkytior's Song: Seems it's only getting sadder. :( Sorry that they aren't getting a break yet. But I'm sure they'll get a break . . . eventually. Hope you enjoyed the newest update!
swimmjacket: Wanda just wanted to see her daughter so badly . . . I wish her dreams could be better than this. I feel as though her dreams have been a lot of nightmares lately. :( Glad you liked the change in the dream with Dream Lord, though. And for Alpha's character development. She's really growing as a character. Even if she has been around for over 500 years. Everyone can learn and grow through their lives, even if they have been around for centuries. :) Unfortunately, she couldn't stay with Eleven. Though it would have been nice to see how he could have helped her feel better. At least Nine was able to help quite a bit here. Yeah . . . about Wanda being in part four . . . Welp, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Take care until we meet again!
grapejuice101: It's more of . . . I like to suffer in my writing. Which then makes you guys suffer. I'm sorry, I know I'm the worst. :( I hope that the chapters at least bring some joy in just seeing our Doctor and Wanda interacting. Hope you enjoyed!
FREYA ASTRID NOVA: It really was sad. I'm certain she will finally have a chance to talk things out in the future. Hopefully the near future, but we'll see. Things always get worse before they get better. Wanda and Alpha are developing together so greatly. They are truly learning how to cooperative and live together. :) Keeping my fingers crossed that you liked the new chapter. :)
normandy1701: So much hurting lately. I hope that this chapter did not cause any more hurting for you. No worries, they will get time to finally talk and get better in the future. :) Until next time!
N7SpaceHamster: Oh, so many commas haha. Glad you liked the natural healing process Wanda is going through. That also might be a pretty long list there. haha ;) And I will definitely get around to making a one shot series in the near future! It truly was the worst timing for our dear Wanderer. I think a lot of this is horrible timing for her. I like having chapters like that in stories. Keeps a reader guessing at times. ;) Dream Lord meant business. Though, as we've seen before, Wanda had dreams like these in the past after learning of Alpha and what came before being with the Doctor. So not too surprising that the dream turned out this way. Nah, not really. Wanda has just never liked the cold much. Sort of an unconscious reminder of the cold dark cells of her past growing up as Alpha. Poor Alpha. She had such a horrible dream as well. Maybe something for us to see in the future. It's time they start having nice conversations together. From now on, no more fighting for them. So much heartache lately for our time travellers. Alpha always means well . . . for Wanda at least. She just has a hard time controlling that temper of hers. Something I'm certain she'll learn to control in the future. Hope you had an awesome week as well! Cannot wait to see you again in this chapter. Take care! :)
bored411: I feel for them as well. Things will work out . . . eventually . . . hopefully. Anyway, glad you liked it! Hope to see from you again real soon. :)
Victoria: Oh, I am so sorry. I hope they haven't been that hard on you when reading them. I know that some of these emotions felt in these chapters can be hard for those who have lived through such hardships. I have not lived through as hard of times as Wanda and Alpha have, but I have experience with depression myself and with very traumatic times for others. It's part of my degree and job, to help people through such hardships and helplessness they feel. Years of study in psychology has taught me how people feel and what sort of waves of emotions they can go through. I do not want to say that I am getting any of these emotions a hundred percent perfect for everyone experiences them differently and have an entirely different way of handling them. Each person is unique and deserves help in their own way when going through such times. Joy will come, I promise you that. With every dark time, there is light. We've had quite a lot of happiness in the beginning of this story . . . so it was only a matter of time for the darkness to come. If you ever need to talk to someone, just know that I'm here for you. Please don't hesitate. And please take care of yourself. I really hope to see you again soon. Take care and have a wonderful life full of happiness. :)
Momochan77: Oh, he already has in some ways. She just still has a temper with everyone. Especially him as Alpha is sort of like that mother-in-law that doesn't approve of their daughter's choice in spouse haha. Wanda and Alpha truly are learning that. Every day at the time. It is baby steps, but they'll get there. :) Until next time!
UniTardis: Because I'm horrible. I'm sorry. :(
BeCent: I'm very glad you enjoyed all those bits. It was good in its own way seeing all of that. Especially knowing what will come of the universe if Alpha ever were to let go and end everything. A little different of a Doctor for her to be around in this chapter. Hope you liked it. :)
amissonwnts2btl: Oh? Torchwood episodes you say? ;) Something to happen in the future. Maybe, say, part four? haha Hope you will like it when we get there! Take care!
You all are amazing. I hope you all will always remember that. Take care all my lovely readers!
~Tinker~