Stardate 2260.72
Voris looked up from his PADD to gaze through the tiny portal into the blackness of space. He would be arriving on Aldebaran in exactly one hour.
He'd spent most of the journey reflecting upon the events of the past twenty-two days and reading obstetrics journals. He had little experience in obstetrics outside of the mandatory rotations he'd done during his medical internship thirty years earlier and even then he only had experience working with Vulcan patients. He'd treated a handful of pregnant human females during his fellowship on Earth, but as his primary focus had been emergency interspecies medicine, he hadn't been responsible for any part of their labor, delivery, or post-partum care.
He evidently had much to learn. He had already read all the recent literature and guidelines published by the Federation Association of Physicians. Though there were only minor disparities between the anatomies of human and Vulcan females, the physiology was markedly different. The vast differences in biochemistry—hormone signaling, temperature regulation, oxygen requirements and so much more—tended to make pregnancies between their species complicated and dangerous. Of course, he did not know if Dagny wished to continue the pregnancy, but he wished to be prepared for any eventuality.
His PADD chimed and he tore his eyes away from the portal to read a message from Dr. Janice Govorski, a human physician at Kanunsh'es district hospital who specialized in Vulcan hybrid obstetrics.
"Dr. Voris, I've attached all the data and case studies I've collected for the past two years on human-Vulcan hybrid pregnancies, as per your request. Were you looking to refer a patient?"
He swiped his finger over the microphone to dictate a reply and suddenly realized he wasn't sure what to say. He had no idea of what Dagny intended to do. He had no idea what he intended to do. Whatever she decided, he'd concluded hours ago that he would do whatever she asked of him.
Eventually he found the words. "Dr. Govorski, thank you for your prompt response and the information you've provided. I do not have a patient to refer at this time, but I may in the near future."
He sent the message and prepared to open the first of the files she'd included when he received another message, this time from his father. T'Rya had almost certainly informed her brother Velik of her decision by now, and Velik would have almost certainly spoken to his Uncle Sarek of it, who would have almost certainly discussed it with his brother, Voris' father. He had told T'Rya he would discuss their broken engagement with his family, but in his haste to secure passage to Aldebaran, he'd neglected to inform anyone of anything.
It was not precisely logical to ignore his father, but knowing his father's opinion on his decision to allow T'Rya to break their agreement would not alter Voris' present circumstances. In approximately one hour, he would be meeting with a young woman who was carrying his child and he wished to be as informed about her condition as possible.
His PADD chirped again with a lower tone, indicating he was receiving a video transmission from his father. If Silek disapproved of his actions now, he would likely still disapprove tomorrow. Voris refused the transmission and switched back to the information Dr. Govorski had sent and began reading through complications associated with human-Vulcan hybrid pregnancies and best practices for maternal support.
His PADD continued to chirp periodically, eventually forcing Voris to silence the device. He continued reading all the relevant literature on Dagny's condition he could find, all the while struggling to keep a number of unpleasant emotions in check.
"Are you sure you're ok?" Laura asked, chewing her lower lip and narrowing her eyes. "You look exhausted."
"I'm great," Dagny lied, giving her the most genuine smile she could manage. Laura was right—she hadn't slept more than an hour last night.
She hadn't found the courage to tell Laura and Paul about her appointment yesterday. It would only lead to understandable questions about how she'd come to be two weeks pregnant with a half-Vulcan baby. Laura had become so fiercely protective of Dagny that she wasn't really sure how Laura would take the news. It was an unusual situation and particularly after Nurse Beckley's insinuation that she'd been assaulted, she didn't feel like divulging the details to anyone. Whatever had happened between her and Dr. Voris, it wasn't rape and she didn't want anyone else thinking that it was.
She glanced at the digital clock above the kitchen door. She was due back at the hospital to meet with Dr. Knox later that morning and Dr. Voris would be arriving in less than an hour.
"Well, I'll be off to work then," Laura sighed, grabbing her bag from the chair by the door.
"Uh, Laura, I had meant to mention this earlier, but would it be ok if someone came by the house in a little while? I have a… a friend who told me last night that he would be passing through Aldebaran and… well…"
Her cheeks burned with shame for lying to this wonderful woman who had taken her in when she had nowhere else to go.
"A friend?" asked Laura with an obvious hint of curiosity in her voice.
"Yeah, someone I knew from… well, from Vulcan."
It wasn't exactly untrue. Dr. Voris was Vulcan and since Laura knew the story of the Albret's actions during the Battle of Vulcan, the idea that Dagny could have a Vulcan friend couldn't be that weird, or at least she hoped. Even though it wasn't literally a lie, it felt like one because she was still misrepresenting the truth.
"Sure, Dagny," Laura replied with a wide grin. "You said he's passing through—how long will he be here? Would he like to join us for dinner?"
"Oh, I don't really know," Dagny confessed. "But I didn't want to invite anyone here unless it was ok with you."
"I appreciate the consideration," Laura nodded. "It's not a problem. Just let Paul know if we need to cook for an extra person tonight."
Dagny gave her a weak smile and waved goodbye. She watched Laura's vehicle move down the street from the kitchen window and flopped back down onto the barstool by the central island. She was exhausted and her stomach was in knots. She'd been nauseated ever since she'd heard the news and figuring it was too early for morning sickness, she'd decided it was probably nerves. What was she going to do? What would Dr. Voris want to do?
She'd agonized over it since she'd received his message the day before. Would he be angry that she had not thought to go to a doctor for emergency contraceptives? Of course not: Vulcans didn't get angry. Disappointed, maybe, but probably not angry. She just couldn't know how he would react and she'd written and deleted multiple responses before simply sending him her current temporary address when he'd asked where they should meet.
She knew almost nothing about him, but she did know he was the private physician of a Vulcan diplomat, so it seemed quite likely he had no interest in becoming a father. If he wanted nothing to do with her or the child, what then? Or what if he was interested in raising the child, how would that work?
She felt too many emotions to be able to identify any particular one. She thought of her family, her future hopes of medical school, her feelings on motherhood and so much more. No matter what the future held, it was terrifying. Her hands instinctively went to her abdomen and she leaned forward and looked at herself.
She'd been told the radiation had probably permanently damaged her ovaries. Of all the things she'd lost, the ability to have children on her own one day had been pretty far down on the list and she hadn't given it much consideration these past weeks. She liked children but growing up with thirteen brothers and sisters had made her seriously question whether she ever wanted to have any of her own. Besides, she'd just turned twenty and assumed she'd have time to think about that later. But what if this baby was her best chance to become a mother?
Facing this would have been difficult enough with the support of her family and friends, but they were all gone. She'd struggled mightily to stop missing them so much and adapt to life away from the Albret, but it hadn't been going well. If she continued with this pregnancy, the baby would have a whole family it would never know. Her parents would never get to hold their first grandchild and her child would miss out on the love and support of aunts and uncles and cousins.
Her eyes were threatening tears so she tried to think of something else. When she thought about Dr. Voris' impending arrival, she reflected upon the fact that it was his baby too, and given his Vulcan heritage and the tragic events of two years earlier, it was probably fair to say this baby would have two families it would never meet. She took a ragged breath and gave in to her emotions.
She didn't feel ready to be a mother, but she didn't feel ready to be anything. She thought of her father's many sayings, and the one he probably used most often was, "Everything happens for a reason."
She felt a surge of anger. How could that be true? She refused to believe there was some fundamental purpose for a whole ship full of people, ranging from old men to infants, slowly dying a miserable death from radiolytic isotopes. Be that as it may, she would give anything to hear one of his corny expressions just one more time.
Her stomach turned again and she rubbed it absentmindedly, knowing it would be months before she felt any fetal movement but imagining she could feel the baby moving anyway. A sudden realization struck her. For all her anguish since finding out, she'd never really thought about not having the baby, she'd only thought about how she would manage. It was mostly those thoughts that had kept her awake all night.
She had her paramedic's certification and could find a way to make a living. Maybe she could still go to medical school after the child got a little older. She wasn't afraid of hard work or long hours and she was an old hand at balancing childcare with work and studying. But that had been in another life. She'd been on the Albret then, surrounded by an incredible support system. Now she was facing the prospect of starting over with nothing and no one and no real experience with living anywhere besides the confines of a salvage ship.
She felt the porridge she'd eaten half an hour earlier creeping up the back of her throat so she helped herself to a glass of water and tried to take several deep breaths. She had always found a way to adapt and get by and she could do that again. Somehow.
She gazed out the kitchen window and saw it was beginning to drizzle. So much for Aldebaran's sunny streak. She took another indifferent sip, watching the sky grow darker and darker. She noticed a dark object moving down the lane and watched a taxi pull up to the curb. A tall, slender figure in a black cloak emerged and proceeded up the sidewalk. Dagny gripped the glass so tightly she was surprised it didn't shatter in her hand. Dr. Voris had come.
She set the glass on the counter and made her way to the front entrance, feeling like she was in someone else's body. The buzzer sounded and she waited several seconds before opening the door.
He looked different. His eyes were quiet and had a sad quality; the last time she'd seen him, there had been a lot more torment. He stood straightly and bowed his head. "Miss Skjeggestad."
"I told you before—please call me Dagny." The words fell from her mouth in a hurried jumble. "Will you come in?"
He nodded and stepped across the threshold. He waited patiently on the mat by the entry for her direction, but she wasn't exactly sure what to do or say.
"You're taller than I remember," she blurted.
He cocked his head and said nothing, leaving her to feel even more awkward and anxious. What a ridiculous thing to say. He certainly couldn't have grown since their last meeting.
"You look well," he eventually said.
Her hands instinctively reached for her reddish blonde hair. She was shaking and wondered if he noticed. She wanted to say she was doing a lot better, but that would be a lie, so rather than continue to dance around the facts, she simply said, "I'm pregnant."
"Yes, I had surmised as much."
How could he be so calm? "Uh, you didn't have to come right away, I guess, but I'm glad you did. Thank you for coming."
"What do you intend to do?"
"I don't know," she mumbled. "What do you want to do?"
"I do not believe that my wishes are equal to yours in this circumstance."
"Sure, but I feel like they at least matter," she argued.
"My interests are conflicted," he explained. "I have put you in this position and my ultimate concern is for your well-being. Yet your child is also my child, and I am bound consider it as well."
"I want to keep it," she declared, feeling warm tears fill her eyes.
His expression seemed to soften. "Then I accept your decision and am willing to provide for you and the child in any way you require."
"What? No, I don't need anything from you, I only want to know that you're alright with this."
"As I have already explained, the decision is yours. Whatever you choose, I have a duty to support and provide for my offspring. It is the logical order of things. And given that you would not be in your present situation were it not for my actions, I feel equally obligated to see that your needs are also met."
"I'm a certified paramedic: I can work. I don't need you to-"
"I admit you are likely capable," he interrupted. "Please excuse me: will you permit me a query?"
"Yes, sure."
"Do you intend to refuse to allow me to assist in the upbringing of this child?"
"No," Dagny answered sincerely. "No, not at all. I would never keep the child from you. I'm just trying to explain that you can be as involved or not involved as you want. I want you to do this because you want to, not because you feel obligated to."
"I see," he said, nodding thoughtfully. "I would like to be involved."
"Ok," Dagny said, feeling another batch of tears making their way down her cheeks.
"Why do you cry?"
"I didn't know how you were going to react. I thought you would be angry or- I didn't know how you would be."
"Anger is illogical," he explained. "I ought to have considered the remote possibility of conception following our coupling and provided you with prophylactics but I was regrettably not thinking logically."
"Neither was I," she stammered, letting out a deep sigh. "I never imagined something like this happening, all things considered."
"When I spoke earlier of a conflict of interest, there is another matter I wish to discuss with you, not as the father of your child, but as a physician."
"You're wondering if I've thought this through and understand the risks."
"Yes. Pregnancies between our species carry a number of possible complications, both for the fetus and the mother."
"Dr. Knox explained some of it yesterday but it doesn't matter—I want to do this. On some level, I feel like this happened for a reason."
He stared at the stairs to his left and said nothing.
"What do you think?" Dagny asked, wringing her hands.
"I believe it happened due to a highly improbable consequence of biology," he replied. "And due to the simple facts of biology, you will bear the entirety of the physical burden and risk of bringing this pregnancy to term. I am merely attempting to ensure you are making an informed decision."
"I don't think anything is without risk," she argued.
"True, but not all risk is equal. The sample size is small, but even with managed care, there is sufficient evidence to show maternal mortality for human females carrying Vulcan hybrid fetuses is as high as one percent."
"After everything I've been through, a one in a hundred chance of dying doesn't seem so scary. It almost sounds like you're trying to talk me out of it."
"Thus, my reason for explaining it is a conflict of interest," he replied. "I am not attempting to dissuade you, I only seek to ensure you fully understand what you are committing to."
"I do understand."
"Very well then. Have you been placed on a regimen of lentrazole?" he asked.
Dagny blinked several times and shrugged. "Is that the drug that's supposed to inhibit yam'tan?"
"It is."
"I got an injection yesterday and I'm supposed to go back in about an hour so they can check my hormone levels."
"Have you located an obstetrician who specializes in interspecies pregnancies? My cursory search found two on Aldebaran, but none with notable experience with Vulcanoid species."
"I hadn't quite gotten that far," she admitted. "I'm still trying to process this, I think."
"There is a human physician on New Vulcan I would recommend and I had a colleague on Earth who I believe would be suitable. If you intend to remain on Aldebaran, I am willing to assist-"
"I don't know where I'm going to go," she interrupted. "This isn't my house; I'm staying with one of the nurses who treated me in the hospital at Valder Station right after I arrived. I don't have anywhere to go, really."
Their eyes locked and Dagny could feel her face growing hot. She was practically homeless and insisting she didn't need his help when in all reality, she needed all the help she could get.
"You are welcome in my residence on New Vulcan," he explained. "It could be easily adapted to suit your specific needs. However, if you desire to seek accommodations elsewhere, I shall accept that also."
"You want me to come live with you?"
"It is an option I wish to make available."
"Do you live alone?"
"Excepting a Terran feline who comes and goes as he pleases, yes."
"You have a cat?" She couldn't help but smile. Dagny had always wanted to have a pet but keeping one aboard the Albret would have been an inconvenience.
"I acquired him from my former landlady's mother."
She was struck by the realization that she knew virtually nothing about this man, but she was having his baby and seriously considering moving in with him.
"Perhaps you would like time to consider my offer," he said.
"I don't really know what there is to consider," she replied hastily. "I can't stay with Laura and Paul for forever and you're right—I probably should be making arrangements with doctors and whatnot. I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know you, Dr. Voris; you're a stranger to me. I don't know how I know, but I know that you're a kind person who wants to do the right thing, but I'm afraid."
He inched forward on the mat near the entry and folded his hands behind his back. "Fear is illogical, but hesitation is understandable. I must leave for New Vulcan this evening and have already arranged my return travel. You are welcome to join me now or at a later date. If you decide you would like to relocate elsewhere, I am willing to discuss it."
"I might as well go tonight: Dr. Knox explained time is critical and you bring up a good point about finding a specialist. If you say there's one on New Vulcan, then that's where I'll go, if you're sure it's not a problem. I'm worried about feeling like I'm taking advantage of you."
He turned his neck slightly to look into her eyes once again. "You would be unable to take advantage of me to a greater degree than I have already taken advantage of you."
Dagny couldn't manage to maintain eye contact. Apparently, he still felt guilty, which on some level made sense. She wasn't sure how she would feel if she were in his shoes. "What time are you scheduled to leave?"
"The transport departs at 1845 hours. You had mentioned you have an appointment to check your hormone levels in approximately one hour. Do you have transportation to the medical facility?"
"I have a shuttle pass but I've never used it," she admitted.
"If you will begin assembling and packing your belongings, I can arrange for your transportation to your appointment and passage to New Vulcan."
It hit her just how quickly things were moving. If they were leaving on a shuttle at 1845, that would barely give her any time to say goodbye to Paul and Laura. Was she making the right choice? What choices did she really have? She tasted bile at the back of her throat again and felt like all she really wanted was to curl up in bed and never come out.
"Miss Skjeggestad?"
"I told you—please call me Dagny."
"Very well. Dagny, is something the matter?"
"Do you think we're making the right decision?"
"I do not know," he admitted. "The logical decision and correct decision generally overlap, but they are not mutually inclusive."
She gave a small nod and moved toward the stairs. "I'll go pack my things."
She didn't have much, so packing wouldn't take long. It was going to take far longer, she sensed, to get used to living with a Vulcan. If she ever did.
Voris watched the crowds move through the busy terminal at Valder Station and waited for the information screen to display boarding instructions for their transport to New Vulcan. He stood with Dagny's two small pieces of luggage and glanced in her direction. She was standing twenty meters away near a beverage counter, hugging the woman again. Laura Frost.
They were both crying and Laura's husband was gently rubbing his wife's back. It was evident Dagny would be greatly missed. He was appreciative of their efforts to shelter her following the loss of the Albret, but for all his gratitude, he doubted Laura felt any similar sentiments toward him.
She had been cordial enough at first—jovial, even—until Dagny explained she would be leaving that evening to join him on New Vulcan to raise their child together. After a barrage of questions, explanations, and subsequent emotional effusions, the two women had gone upstairs to finish packing Dagny's things and Paul had offered him a beer. It had seemed impolite to refuse given the circumstances, so he'd stood with Paul in the kitchen, imbibing a foul alcoholic beverage made from Terran grain and listening as Paul talked about how wonderful it had been having Dagny stay with them. Evidently, Dagny was an exceptional cook.
Voris knew so little about her. They'd spent the day together but hadn't spoken much. He'd taken her to her appointment with Dr. Knox and reviewed her medical history since her arrival on Aldebaran. He'd made arrangements with Dr. Govorski to see Dagny the day after tomorrow and had her chart forwarded to her offices. He had gone with her to meet someone named Beatrice Deveraux from the local office of Federation Health and Social Services, where there had also been tears and hugs and goodbyes.
A minute later, the green light flashed at the top of the departures screen, granting them permission to board the Treitau, the mid-sized passenger transport that would take them to New Vulcan. He saw Dagny, Laura, and Paul moving in his direction and lifted Dagny's bags to his shoulder.
"You're sure this is what you want?" he heard Laura grumble.
He knew she hadn't intended him to hear it, but like most Vulcans, he had exceptional auditory acuity, even through the loud, ambient noise of the terminal.
"It is," Dagny replied.
"This doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem like you really know him and all of a sudden you're moving in together and having a baby?"
"It's crazy I know but please trust me," Dagny murmured, softening her face as they approached and came to a stop next to him.
"No matter what, you're always welcome to stay with us," Laura announced, looking directly at Dagny, which resulted in the impression that her invitation most certainly did not extend to Dagny's Vulcan companion.
"I am very glad you have made your acquaintance, Mr. and Mrs. Frost," Voris said, glancing at Paul.
"Yeah, it was great to meet you," Paul said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and nodding. Laura said nothing.
"Are you ready to go?" Dagny asked, her eyes glistening with tears.
"If you are."
"I can get those," she said, pointing to the bags.
He could see Laura watching him closely and it would be illogical to insist on carrying two small bags weighing less than ten kilograms when Dagny was certainly capable. He shrugged the straps from his shoulder and gently placed them over hers.
"Well then, I guess this really is goodbye," Dagny said, looking to Paul and Laura and offering one final embrace.
Laura began crying again. Humans were incredibly emotional creatures, but his recent pon farr had reminded him Vulcans were no different, deep down. After several more pleas to send messages and reminders that Dagny would always be welcome to utilize their spare room, they finally acquiesced to allowing her departure.
As they turned and made their way to the ramp that would take them to the Treitau, he heard Laura hiss to Paul, "Are we really going to let her go with this guy?"
"I don't see that we have a choice, honey."
"He could be anyone. He could be a criminal."
"Laura, he's Vulcan. He could be a lot of things but I doubt he's quite on par with an Orion slaver or Nausicaan terrorist."
"She's emotionally fragile and I'm afraid she's making a huge mistake."
"I am too, but she's an adult."
"Ugh, I can't do this," Laura moaned.
Paul said something in reply, but by that point, Voris was no longer within earshot. If Dagny had heard any of their conversation, she gave no external indication.
When they arrived in their cabin, he helped her stow her bags in a high overhead compartment. It was a private space for two passengers with two narrow beds mounted above a small central room measuring three meters by three meters. Dagny fell into one of the two chairs and stared out the portal at the view of Aldebaran several kilometers below. He took a seat across from her and said nothing.
Twenty minutes later, the ship moved away from Valder Station and broke standard orbit at impulse before going to warp. He noted a subtle smile on her face as the inertial dampeners thrummed to life and the warp engines engaged, but her happiness quickly faded into a more complicated expression.
"It almost feels like home," she muttered.
"How long did you live aboard the Albret?" he asked, glancing in her direction.
"My entire life." Several minutes of silence passed before she said, "I'm sorry about Laura. She really is a nice person."
"Her concern is understandable."
"I feel like I'm in over my head."
"It is a complex situation," he admitted.
She pulled her gaze away from the portal and allowed her eyes to rest on him. "I don't know much about Vulcan culture, or Vulcans, or you. Part of me feels like this is a huge mistake. Please tell me it isn't."
"By 'this' I presume you refer to your decision to cohabitate with me?"
She blinked several times and shrugged. "I suppose."
"What are your parameters for a mistake? I would never harm you or attempt to limit your freedom in any way."
She ran her palms over her forehead and sighed. "I know."
"It is my hope that you can build a comfortable life for yourself on New Vulcan. If you decide that is impossible, I will gladly arrange for your return to Aldebaran or wherever you wish to go."
"I don't think it's about the place, exactly. I think it has more to do with the people."
"You refer to me," Voris stated.
"A small part of me feels like I know you, but in all reality, I know almost nothing about you or your life."
"I could say the same of you," he remarked. "I believe the feelings of familiarly likely stem from the lingering telepathic mating bond we share."
"What's your favorite color?" she asked abruptly.
"Why should one have a preferred color?"
"I guess I'm trying to get to know you." She scoffed and pushed her light-colored hair back behind her ears. He noticed, not for the first time, just how small she was. She was beautiful down to her bones and he'd thought so even as he cared for her during the ravages of radiation sickness. He repressed a strange emotion and stared down at the table.
"So, no favorite color then?"
"No."
"Are you all alone?" she asked.
He looked up and caught her eye. "My father and uncle live, as do two cousins. I was more fortunate than most."
"Did you have children? You know… before? Ugh, I'm sorry if that's too personal of a question, I just…"
"No." His answer was soft and void of emotion. "I had a bondmate. We had no children."
He watched her right hand travel to the amulet around her neck and her left hand fall to her lower belly as if on instinct. It had occurred to him on several occasions since he'd received Dagny's initial message that the prospect of fatherhood was a real possibility, but now that she'd confirmed her intentions to proceed with the pregnancy and had agreed to allow him to participate in the child's upbringing, he was forced to consider that prospect more seriously.
"I'm getting kind of tired," she said, looking at the bunk overhead. "I know I'm due for another round of lentrazole in a couple of hours, but I don't think I can keep my eyes open any longer."
"If you consent, I can administer a dose while you sleep," he replied, looking the side pouch of one of her bags where he knew the autoinjectors Dr. Knox had prescribed were packed.
"I'm so tired I'd probably sleep through it," she laughed, climbing the short ladder to mount the bunk.
She was asleep in less than a minute and Voris contented himself watching the slow rise and fall of her chest for a time. Two hours later, he gently delivered an injection of the hormone inhibitor into her neck. She didn't even stir.
He considered reading his messages but decided against it. They would have a sixteen-hour journey to New Vulcan and he had much to meditate upon. He closed his eyes and began to regulate his breathing, and what felt like seconds later, the ship shuddered and an announcement rang over the internal communications system that they had arrived in orbit of New Vulcan.
He hadn't meditated: he'd fallen asleep. It had been the first proper period of rest he'd had since entering pon farr weeks earlier and though he was well rested, his mind was teeming. He gazed out the portal at the reddish planet below and repressed a mild sense of foreboding.
"Are we here already?" Dagny groaned, sitting up from the bunk.
"Yes," he replied, rising to his feet to collect their bags.
He did not look forward to meeting with his father, and his lingering sense of apprehension gave him pause to consider what kind of father he would be.