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Part 1 of the Designation Verse

Word Count - 4891

One Step At A Time

Everyone had a designation, be it Dom, Sub, Caregiver, Little or Baseline. Everyone had one, and most people were quite open with their designations.

It helped to find a good life match.

Of course, there was occasionally a couple that decided they liked each other enough to disregard their designations. Dom's paired up with Dom's, Littles paired up with Subs. It didn't often last, their needs not being met well enough, but every now and then a story of a success would be heard.

Those in the public eye were a little more private with their designations. While many gave the barest details, a few decided that they were going to keep completely silent. A problem when it came to meeting people, but ultimately, sometimes it was necessary.

As was the case for Tony.

He'd known, from a young age, that one day he'd have to take on the family company. As heir to Stark Industries, Tony had to keep a certain image about him, a public strength, an unshakable foundation for the stocks to stay strong and stable.

Him being a little, and a very young little at that, would absolutely be counter-productive.

So, he kept it a secret. Not even Pepper knew Tony's designation. She believed, like the rest of the world, that Tony was a baseline with strong Dom instincts.

Only Rhodey knew the truth, and they took the time to put Tony into his headspace whenever he visited, which unfortunately, wasn't often.

That was the way Tony liked it. He refused to be a slave to his instincts, and he refused to allow people to think they could walk all over him just because his DNA said he needed to be a baby occasionally.

He avoided headspace as much as possible, and when it was truly unavoidable and Rhodey wasn't around, he made sure to lock himself away somewhere private with only Jarvis to keep an eye on him. It didn't make for the most comfortable headspace, and Jarvis informed him that he tended to cry a lot, but it kept his reputation in place.

For someone so far into the public eye, he didn't have much of a choice.

That was one of the biggest reasons that he first fought Fury on the Avengers moving into the tower. Of course he couldn't give the real reason, and so, he flaunted his ego like a weapon and talked in circles, refusing every request.

Letting two trained spy's into his space was literally the last thing he wanted to do.

It was all fine, and then, he realised he'd made a fatal mistake.

He liked his team. Really, really liked them. He even liked Steve's tagalongs when he met them, and he hadn't expected that, given one of them just happened to have been the one to murder his parents.

Even if Barnes hadn't actually been in the driving wheel of his mind at the time. The video evidence was still a hard pill to swallow.

So. That was how Tony came to host his team, and how they came very quickly, to be a family.

No matter how much of himself he had to hide, Tony couldn't quite regret that.

…

Tony walked through the living room, his eyes fixed on his tablet as he walked through to the kitchen. His brain was demanding coffee if it was expected to remain in any condition to get through the never ending list of things he needed to do.

He crossed quickly to the coffee machine, putting his cup under it and pressing the button all without taking his eyes from the tablet.

"Morning, Tones," Steve greeted cheerfully.

Tony startled, looking up to see Steve, Bucky, Clint and Nat all sitting at the table, watching him with varying expressions from worried to amused.

Tony grunted in reply. He was still getting used to having them there, and he was still often startled by them being in places he wasn't expecting them to be.

"When did you last sleep?" Bucky asked, looking concerned. As a caregiver, Tony knew it was only reasonable for him to mother hen anyone in the vicinity, but it was still irritating.

Tony had been busy lately, what with SI and the Avengers, and he hadn't been sleeping much which always put him in danger of falling into headspace without much warning, and having a caregiver around only made that harder.

He shrugged, taking his now full cup and downing half of the hot liquid in one long gulp. "I napped yesterday, I think," he said, before he finished the cup and put it back beneath the machine for another. "I'm fine."

"Do you want me to make you some pancakes?" Steve asked, smiling softly. Steve had grown up a baseline, but the Serum had pushed him straight into Dom territory and he seemed to enjoy his new designation.

It was certainly helpful on the battlefield, though he did tend more towards the softer side of a Dom, more reminiscent of a caregiver, at all other times.

Of course, there was overlap between the designations anyway, there always had been, so Tony supposed Steve was simply closer to the border between the two than most.

Tony shook his head. "I'm fine, Steve. Really. I've just got a lot on at the moment, that's all. It should calm down in a few weeks."

"If you're sure," Steve replied, looking uncertain. "But I'll fetch you some lunch to the lab, okay?"

"I'll be out. Lunch meeting with Pep, and then a board meeting that apparently I can't miss. I might be back in time for the Dinner with the team, but don't hold out for me, okay?"

"You've missed all the team dinners for almost a month already, Tony," Clint complained softly. "We miss you."

Tony blinked. Clint was Natasha's sub, but Tony hadn't ever heard him speak so gently to anyone other than his Dom.

"I… I'm sorry? I'll try and get back, I promise."

Clint nodded.

"Is there anything we can help with?" Natasha asked. "I can dust off Natalie Rushman for a little while if you need any help with SI stuff."

Tony grinned at her as he picked up his second cup. "I'm good. Honestly. I just have a lot on at the moment, that's all. It'll level out, it always does."

They all seemed to slump slightly, but he got four nods of agreement and he chose that moment to escape the kitchen. He loved his team and he really was grateful for how much they seemed to care about him in return, but caring wasn't what he needed right now.

He could feel his headspace trying to creep in, and he pushed it away forcefully. He didn't have time to be Little at the moment, no matter how much he knew he probably needed it.

…

Tony made it to the team dinner, and he was only fifteen minutes late, which he counted as a win. If the smiles on the other's faces were anything to judge by, they were counting it as a win too.

It was a nice surprise to see Thor sitting at the table, though his sad expression was certainly not something Tony was used to seeing.

He seemed to cheer up when Tony arrived and greeted him with a wide smile and a warm hug. Tony had to pull away a few seconds into it, the warmth far too comforting for his sanity.

"How is everyone?" he asked as he sat down, very much wanting the attention off of himself. He'd had a hard day, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was probably going to have to take the evening off and take some time to be Little.

It had been threatening at the edges of his subconscious the entire day, and he knew he'd drop unexpectedly if he didn't allow some time.

He put the matter aside and enjoyed a nice dinner with his team, his family. He kept an eye on Thor, the usually loud and cheerful man was being rather quiet, and as they cleared the table, he asked Bucky if he knew what the hell was going on.

"He and Jane split up," Bucky said quietly. "You know that Thor was Jane's Caregiver?"

Tony nodded.

"Jane is Little quite a lot, and obviously, Thor has to split his time not only between Earth and Asgard, but also between Jane and us when we need him when he is here. She decided he wasn't around enough to fulfill her needs and broke it off."

Tony winced. "Ouch. Is he okay?"

Bucky sighed. "As okay as I suppose he can be. He really did care about her, though she's slightly older than his preferred littles. Thor prefers babies, but… well. He likes her enough that it didn't matter too much. It was a hard blow for him to deal with."

"That's not surprising, though. Caregivers always struggle when a Little turns them away, right?"

Bucky nodded. "Most caregivers choose to join families instead, since then it's more about providing for more than one person. Of course, the want for a Little is always there, but being part of a family helps to keep the instincts under control and happy."

"Do you… I mean, do you feel like you need a Little?" Tony asked, frowning slightly. He didn't want Bucky to be miserable.

Bucky shook his head. "I think… being part of a family fits me much better than having someone completely reliant on me alone. After everything with Hydra… I don't feel like I'd be able to provide for someone properly, not all the time. I've still got a lot to work on inside my own self, you know? And besides, I never really settled with any Little before the war. Looking after Stevie and my little sisters gave me what I needed."

Tony nodded. "You'd tell one of us, if you needed something more, right?"

Bucky softened and cupped Tony's cheek. "Of course I would."

Tony offered him a tired smile and then stepped back. "Right, I'm going to go and get some more work done before I sleep. I'll see you all in the morning, I'm sure," he added, raising his voice to include the others.

Various calls of complaint for him skipping out were heard before they called goodnight, and Tony smiled to himself as he stepped into the elevator.

Even with the secrets he still had to keep, it was nice to have a family.

…

"Little protocols in place, J," Tony murmured, as he settled onto his bed. He'd pulled on a set of pull-ups, and dug out a pacifier and comfortable pyjamas. "Try and raise me from it by six am, okay?"

"Of course, Sir. But… Thor is on his way to the penthouse as we speak, Sir. Should I deny him entry?"

Tony was holding onto his mind with a thread. "I, uh. Do you know what he wants?"

"I believe he just wants to check in on you, Sir. It's been a while since you last saw one another."

Tony sighed, looking at his pyjamas laid out on the bed and the rails ready to be raised on the sides to make it feel more like a cot, and he sighed. Closing the door to his bedroom, he pulled his sweatpants on over his pull ups and grabbed his dressing gown, tying it loosely.

"Let him in, J," he murmured, sitting down on the armchair in his private lounge.

The elevator opened and Thor stepped in, his magenta t-shirt seeming extra loud in the calming creams and browns of Tony's living room.

"Tony," he murmured. "I hope I haven't disturbed anything important."

Tony shook his head. "Of course not, big guy. Come sit."

Thor sat down heavily on the sofa and looked at Tony. "I believe Bucky has told you of what happened with myself and the Lady Jane?"

Tony nodded. "He did. How are you holding up?"

Thor sighed. Tony hated to see him look so down, he really did. Thor had always been the happy one, the one that could make them all smile even on the darkest of days.

"I wish her to be happy, and if that cannot be with me… I do not want to hold her back from finding her happiness."

"It still sucks."

Thor's lips tilted up and he nodded. "You are correct. It still sucks."

"Frosty told me that she wasn't exactly a perfect fit for you though?" Tony asked then. "So maybe you'll be happier when you find someone that fulfills your own needs too?"

"Perhaps," Thor admitted. "It is unlikely, I fear. Not many people understand that I cannot always be around, as much as it pains me to be away from my Little. I have responsibilities, here and also with my own people."

Tony sighed and reached over to pat Thor's arm. "You'll find that one for you, Thor. I have no doubt about that."

"You are too kind, Anthony."

The use of his full name sent a jolt through Tony, and his grasp on his mental state slipped another notch. He barely managed to hold back his whimper.

"I'm not being rude, Thor, but I really just need to get some sleep. Think you'll be okay?"

"Of course," Thor replied. "I would not wish to deny you sleep when I know how little of it you get. Would… would it be okay if I were to remain here?" he asked, gesturing to the TV. "Our team wishes to comfort me, and while I am grateful that they care… I do not wish to face their pity this eve."

"Ah… sure, Thor. Whatever you need. I'll see you in the morning?"

Thor nodded, and Tony patted his shoulder comfortingly as he passed, before he slipped into the bedroom. He wasn't altogether comfortable slipping into headspace with Thor in the next room over, but he didn't really have much choice.

He changed quickly and pulled up the bars on his bed, before he crawled up to the pillows and put his pacifier in his mouth. It took mere minutes for him to slip, and he breathed out a sigh of relief as he finally let his focus and control go.

…

He was so lonely.

He cried and cried and cried, waiting for someone, anyone to come and hold him.

He was so cold.

Why was he always alone?

Why did nobody come when he cried?

Tony whimpered around his pacifier, gripping at his tear soaked pillow.

A quiet gasp caught his attention, and then there was a comforting voice and warm hand stroking his face.

He made grabby hands, because finally, finally someone had come when he cried.

He was scooped into warm arms, held close against a warm chest as comforting murmurs filled his ears.

He snuggled closer to the chest, burying his face as he was rocked gently back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

…

Tony woke slowly. He felt warm and comfortable, but confused when he opened his eyes to find himself in his living room. Taking stock of his surroundings, he stared when he realised he was looking up into Thor's expressive eyes, and it was Thor's arms that were making him feel so warm and safe.

Tony scrambled away as quickly as he could, until he was standing in the middle of the room with his arms wrapped around himself. He could feel his face heating, and he knew he was blushing fiercely with humiliation.

How the hell had this even happened?

"I, uh." He stopped. He didn't know what to say. What could he possibly say about this? Instead, he run for his bathroom, and locked the door behind him.

"Jarvis, what the fuck?"

"Thor heard you crying last night, Sir. He threatened to use his hammer to break the door to your room if I didn't allow him entrance, and I didn't want the loud bangs to scare you. He… Sir, he cared for you all night long. I am sorry, Sir."

Tony rubbed his face. "It's not your fault, J."

He turned the water on and took a shower, staying under the water for much longer than he usually would to try and avoid having to face Thor again. He had hope that the other man would take the hint and leave while Tony was readying himself for the day.

Of course, his hope was unfounded.

Dressed and ready to run, Tony returned to the living room to find Thor waiting on him.

"I—"

Thor cut him off.

"I understand why you have chosen to keep your designation a secret," he said softly. "I would never betray your trust, Anthony."

Tony swallowed his relief and nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"I would… I would ask that you allow me to take care of you, when you are in Little space," Thor continued. "You… you are the sweetest baby, Anthony, so loving. I very much enjoyed our night, and I feel… you enjoyed it too?"

"You… you were great, big guy," Tony murmured, thinking back to the safety of waking up. He only ever had that with Rhodey, and that hadn't been for quite a long while. "I… can't, though. I don't… I don't go into headspace often. I can't afford too, if someone were to find out… it wouldn't be pretty."

Thor nodded slowly, looking downcast but accepting.

"Well. Whenever you have a need… please just be aware that I will be certainly very happy should you have need of me."

Tony smiled. "I… thanks, Thor."

…

Life settled into normal over the next few weeks. Tony's workload levelled out as he knew it would, and true to his word, Thor didn't breathe a word of Tony's secret.

The Avengers were called out twice on small missions, and on both of them, Thor treated him no differently in the field.

The only difference that Tony noticed at all were the slightly longing looks Thor would give him, when he thought nobody was paying attention. Slightly problematic, but easily explained away, so Tony gave it no more thought.

And then Tony got injured.

…

"Rhodey is on his way," Pepper said, when the Avengers congregated around the door to Tony's hospital room. "He'll be here in twenty minutes."

Steve sighed but nodded, sitting down in one of the waiting seats. The others joined him, none of them looking too happy.

Pepper understood it, how could she not?

It was strictly stated on every single one of Tony's medical records that Rhodey had to be present before anyone was allowed to visit Tony after an injury. She had no idea why, but there were to be no exceptions, not even for her.

She stood leaning on the wall by the door, watching the Avengers. These were Tony's family, and she was fond of all of them. She knew it was hard for them to sit outside the room, unable to see for themselves that he was alive if not completely well.

She watched, a little confused, as Thor glared at the wall, his hands clenching and unclenching where they rested on his legs. He'd never reacted this way before, and Tony had a tendency to land himself in hospital fairly often, so she'd seen him in this situation a few times.

Shrugging it off, Pepper made a mental note to ask Tony what the hell that was about when she was finally allowed in to see him.

Footsteps on the corridor made her look up, and she smiled when she saw Rhodey striding towards her.

"What has the doctor said?" he asked, as he reached her, his hand already on the door handle.

"He's banged up, nothing overly serious. He's going to need a few days in bed, and he'll be all healed up within a few weeks. They want to keep him overnight for observation."

Rhodey sighed. "Of course they do. Do me a favour, Pep, find the doctor and ask him if I can sign Tony into my care or if he actually has to be here?"

Pepper smiled. "Of course."

Rhodey squeezed her arm gently in thanks and then slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him quickly.

…

Tony woke up to see Rhodey sitting beside his bed. He lifted his hands immediately, making grabby hands. He wasn't completely in headspace, he was too aware for that, but hospitals always made him clingy even as he held onto his mind.

"Honeybear," he grumbled, when Rhodey moved closer, taking both of Tony's hands in his own.

"You with me, Tones?" Rhodey murmured.

"Ish," Tony admitted. "Wouldn't take much."

Rhodey nodded. "Pep's gone to see if the doc will sign you into my care, okay? If we can, I'll get you home and down today."

Tony nodded, shifting on the bed so he could nuzzle Rhodey's stomach with his face. Rhodey let go of one of his hands to run his hand through Tony's hair.

"What are we going to do with you, Tones?" he murmured. "I wish you'd think again about telling Pep and your team the truth. It's not like they'd betray you to the press, is it?"

"Thor knows," Tony admitted. "He… him and Jane broke up, and I was really close to headspace when he came up to the penthouse and he heard me crying. He… he looked after me, Honeybear. Like… he literally rocked me and held me the whole night through."

Rhodey smiled and continued his rhythm through Tony's hair. "Did you enjoy it?"

Tony shrugged. "You know I don't remember much of my drops. I just… I felt so safe with him when I woke up."

"And he hasn't told anyone?"

Tony shook his head. "Not a word. He… he asked if we could make it a thing. I told him no, because… I just can't but…"

"Why can't you?"

Staring up at him with wide eyes, Tony bit his lip. "I… I…" Tears were filling his eyes and Rhodey shushed him gently.

"It's okay, Tones. You know, if it's because of me, I can share you. It would make me feel better if I knew you had someone there to take care of you properly when I can't."

Tony closed his eyes and pressed more into Rhodey's stomach, signalling that he couldn't deal with the conversation for the moment. Rhodey respected his choice and simply stayed where he was, stroking his hand through Tony's hair and comforting him as best he could until a knock on the door sounded.

"Tones?"

"Hmm?"

"Can Pep come inside?"

Tony blinked his eyes open and for a moment, Rhodey wondered if he'd already gone too far down. Instead, Tony's eyes focused and he gained a better control on himself, pulling back from Rhodey to lean against the pillows.

Then he nodded.

Rhodey called for her to come in, smiling when he saw the familiar forms in her hands to sign Tony over to Rhodey.

…

Rhodey smiled at his best friend. It had been three days since the hospital, and Tony had spent most of that three days in headspace.

He really was the sweetest baby, but Rhodey was glad to see Tony's eyes aware and focused when he hobbled into the living room.

"You good?" he asked, his smile widening when Tony nodded.

It was for the best. Rhodey would have to leave that evening to get back to base, and he'd been dreading having to force Tony back up from his drop.

"You remember our conversation in the hospital?" Rhodey asked, once Tony was seated on the sofa with coffee and toast.

Tony nodded, and sighed. "I know you've got a point," he admitted after a moment of silence. "I just… I've hidden it for so long and now, I just… how do I know I can trust them?"

"Do you think you can trust them?"

Tony pondered that, and eventually came to the answer that Rhodey knew he'd known all along.

"Stay for dinner. I…"

Rhodey nodded. "Of course."

He understood why Tony felt the need for moral support when he admitted his true designation to the team. He knew how daunting it must be, considering Tony had kept the secret since he'd been not much more than a scared fourteen year old.

He smiled at his friend. "You're doing the right thing. And Thor…"

"Jeez, Honeybear. One thing at a time, huh?"

Rhodey laughed and held his hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. Why don't you tell me what toys you've been making since I was last here?"

…

"How are you feeling?" Bucky asked, hovering at Tony's shoulder when Rhodey helped him into a seat at the kitchen table.

"I'm okay, Bucky-bear," Tony assured him, squeezing his hands. "Promise."

Bucky nodded and laid his hand on Tony's shoulder for a moment before he took his own seat.

Tony enjoyed the dinner. He always did when Rhodey was around and the whole team was there. There was laughter and jokes, teasing and stories from days long gone that made everybody smile.

Throughout the dinner though, Tony felt an undercurrent of nerves that grew stronger as the plates got emptier.

When everyone was done eating, he cleared his throat and glanced at Rhodey, who nodded and leant over to squeeze his hand comfortingly.

"I, uh, before everyone goes to do… whatever you're going to do, I… there's something I need to tell you," he started. Every single one of them were looking at him, and he shifted uncomfortably.

Normally, Tony didn't mind attention, he thrived on it, but his hands were clammy and he swallowed nervously.

"Whatever it is, you can tell us, Tony," Steve prompted, when Tony didn't continue.

Tony nodded.

"I, uh. So, publically… my designation is known, right?" he said, shifting in his seat. Across the table, he saw Thor's eyes widen slightly.

"Baseline with Dom instinct," Clint said with a nod.

"Right," Tony agreed. "Except… I'm not actually… that. I, uh, I'm a…"

"You can do this, Tones," Rhodey whispered, when Tony choked on the word.

"I'm a Little. A very… young Little. And, well, I mean, I've kept it secret for… ever, you know? Nobody respects a CEO that needs his diaper changed, so I kept it secret. Only Rhodey ever knew, and he… when he can, he takes me down into a drop. But. Well. I thought, since, you know, you're always at the hospital when I have to go there, and, I always either drop or get… very close to headspace in the hospital, which is why nobody is allowed in to see me when I'm there until Rhodey gets there because what if —"

"Breathe, Tones," Rhodey said, standing up to step behind Tony, putting his hands on Tony's shoulders to ground him. Tony leant back into him, beyond grateful for the touch.

"What… what do you do when Rhodey can't be here to drop you?" Bucky asked, his expression pained like he already knew the answer.

"Jarvis… Jarvis keeps an eye on me," Tony muttered. "He can force me up if he needs too."

"So… you said you're a young Little?" Clint asked, leaning on the table. "You just… stay alone?"

Tony nodded mutely.

"Oh, baby, no," Bucky murmured. He got up slowly and walked around the table, reaching out for Tony slowly so he had the chance to move or refuse the offered hug. Rhodey stepped back and Tony leant into Bucky's bulky side, letting the man hug him gently.

When Bucky let go, Clint was there with his arms already outstretched, and then Steve and finally Natasha all took a moment to hug their friend.

"I just…" Tony swallowed hard. "I guess I didn't want anyone to look at me differently, if they knew what I was… am."

Steve shook his head. "You're Tony. Our Tony. Your designation doesn't make any difference to us. On the field, you're Iron Man, the same way you always have been, Tony."

Tony nodded, biting his lip when it wobbled as relief overwhelmed him. They weren't going to kick him off the team. He lifted his head to look at Thor, who was watching him with a soft smile.

"Thor found out a little while ago," he added, to inform the team. "He looked after me one night when I dropped and Rhodey wasn't here." He turned to Thor. "You made me feel safe."

With a deep breath, Tony stood up and rounded the table until he was standing next to the god.

"If… if your offer is still —"

"Of course it is," Thor murmured, pushing his chair back a little. He held his arms out for a hug, and Tony leant into him, yelping slightly when Thor pulled him onto his lap, hugging him tightly.

Rhodey looked on with a proud smile, and when Tony met his eyes, he nodded. Tony smiled back at him.

No matter that he had the team now, he'd always need his Honeybear, and Tony was satisfied that Rhodey knew that. This wasn't about replacing him.

It was about, for the first time in Tony's life, having enough people around him that he trusted to look after him.

Written for;

365. 4. Slave

1000. 932. Magenta.