A/N: Hey all, it's been a while. Nice to see you. I've missed this. The new chapter is a little bit of a shift. I wanted to do something abruptly different than where we left off with Annalise and Carlisle. It'll all make sense, trust the process. Anyway, let me know what you think. Stay awhile, leave a review, tell me how you've been, recommend some new music for me to write to, I'd just love to hear from you! I've missed this.

121709

Chicago, 1902

The bubble didn't last.

As much as I would have wanted it to, it wasn't logical to believe in that idea. And once I realized that the warm, content feeling wasn't coming back things began to change. And by things, I meant me. I didn't feel the same as I did before. Something inside me was changing.

I just wasn't sure I was ready to tell him. I'd been turning it over in my head for quite a while and if I didn't say anything now then I wouldn't say anything at all. We were laying spread out on our bed, just lying there enjoying the time we were able to just be next to each other.

"I can hear the gears whirling in your mind, what's wrong love?" He laughed.

I laughed but even I could hear the forced nature of the noise.

"I have to tell you something. And this is going to be very hard for me and I imagine difficult for you." I got up off the bed and walked to the window. We didn't have any lights on so the city lights of Chicago glittered out before us, this view was the reason we decided on this house.

"Go on, whatever you need to say you can say it. You know I'm here for you." He got up off the bed and joined me at the window.

"I'm leaving." It was like a bandage, I had to just rip it off or it would be worse. I opened the door to the balcony and let Carlisle follow me.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" He looked at me confusion the main expression showing. I scanned his face making sure I had every line and shape committed to memory, it would be a while before I saw him again after today.

"Like I said, I'm leaving. I need to be by myself for a while. Figure a couple things out that have been eating away at me."

I could see his thoughts circling his mind and I wanted to reach out and embrace him but I had to be strong. He finally landed on an emotion I could understand, he was hurt. Most likely wondering why I felt as I did and how he could help. He wanted to know why I would be leaving him alone if ten minutes ago we seemed to be just fine.

Every moment he stood there pleading with both his words and his expression made it even harder to go through with my decision. But after a lot of deliberation and fighting with myself, flip-flopping on what I needed to do, I finally decided to just go through with it. I was full of doubt and it fed into my unhappiness and there was only so much I could do to hide it from Carlisle.

"Annalise, I just don't understand. I thought we were doing fine. Better than fine, I thought we were doing amazing. We've been together for quite some time. Why would you feel any differently now, what happened?"

"Car, I can't explain it accurately. It's not that I don't love you. Believe me, I love you more than words can say. But that's why I need to leave. For as long as I can remember it's been you and me, and while it's been amazing and wonderful, I don't know who I am as Annalise. All I know is Annalise and Carlisle, I need to just take some time for myself. I'm not talking about forever. That's not what I want to do. You and I are meant for forever, you know how I feel. I just want a little bit for myself. And I'll come back I swear." If it was possible for me to cry I would have.

"I'll write you as much as I can while I'm gone," I told him. Halfway through talking to him he turned away from me and his hands were gripping the metal railing on the balcony. I could see where the metal was shifting around his hands.

"You'll write me? Is that supposed to make me feel better? You're leaving me and you think writing me will make it alright?" His body was coiled with tension and I ached to make that go away but I couldn't do it.

I moved from where I stood standing on the opposite side of the small balcony and walked over to him. He didn't turn to face me so I wrapped my arms around him and laid my head against his back. Just standing with him in silence while the world around us kept moving forward.

"You understand that this has nothing to do with anything you've done or haven't done. I just need some solitary time to figure a couple things out. I will come back to you, nothing on this earth will keep me away from you. You are the only thing I have in my life. It's you and me against the world. Just for a while we'll be separated. I don't want you to hate me. I just want you to understand."

He turned in my arms and looked down at me, lifting his hands to cup my face.

"I cannot tell you that I understand, but at the same time I can't force you to do anything. That would be absurd and not end well for me." A hint of a smile crossed his face.

"But I'll be here when you are ready and we'll pick up where we left off. I will miss you every moment that we are apart and know that when you leave you are taking my heart with you." He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. His moved his hands down to my neck, running them down my sides stopping at my hips.

I returned the kiss with as much feeling as I could and sighed against his lips. This would be the last time I would be able to hold and be with Carlisle for a while and I couldn't prolong the inevitable. I pulled away from his embrace and tried to smile up at him.

"Goodbye Carlisle, I love you." And I turned and left. Grabbed my bag by the door and left the house, the city, then the country, running from the one I needed most. I kept running, swimming, pushing myself to go further away from what I left behind. I didn't even think about where I was until I knew I was somewhere new and different than America and my life before.

I was on the outskirts of a city in Europe when I slowed down and took a moment to center myself. It was only a few days since I left Carlisle on that balcony in Chicago. I leaned against a tree and took a few deep breaths even though I really didn't need them. It was more for the act of doing something than the relief it should have provided. I knew I was somewhere in France, most likely near Paris.

Being in a city no longer affected me and I knew I would be able to find a place to stay pretty quickly. I thought about all the acquaintances that Carlisle and I had and none of them I could remember were based in Paris. I could really have a clean slate while I was here. It was going to be tough but I was determined to do this, I could be on my own and do what I needed to do in order to find what I left to do. Find out who I was, it was a long time coming but it was what had to be done.

At least that was what I was trying to convince myself.