For the entire rest of the day Rangiku kept expecting Gin to show up, not to apologize, of course; he never did that, but he usually tried for some angry sex, followed by some nice make-up sex, none of which ever solved anything, but it was pretty good for making her forget why she was mad in the first place. This time Rangiku thought she might take a page out of Nanao's book and try smashing something over his head to get across exactly how not happy she was with him at the moment.
But he never did show up, and when evening came, she realized she was simply not in the mood to go home and fight it out. Instead she packed Kin-chan into the baby sling, which he was far less cooperative about than Shiro-chan had been, and was always trying to climb out of, and together, the two of them set out for a popular sakeya, where she was willing to bet at least a few of her friends were already getting drunk.
It didn't take her long to find a table to join. Half the lieutenants had gathered, along with Ikkaku and Yumichika of Eleven, who really were practically lieutenants anyway, and they were all ordering their first round of drinks and snacks.
Rangiku quickly squeezed into the almost nonexistent space between Ikkaku and Yumichika and found herself across from Nanao, who was sandwiched between Nemu, who looked like she couldn't figure out what she was doing there, and Hisagi, Tosen's new lieutenant.
"Long time, no see," Ikkaku exclaimed, grinning at Rangiku. "Did you finally leave him?"
Rangiku rolled her eyes. "Are you ever going to get tired of asking me that?"
Ikkaku shook his head, looking doubtful. "Not till you leave him."
"Ikkaku doesn't have manners," Yumichika said dryly. Then he held out a piece of fried squid to Kinta. "Would you like some squid?"
"He can't eat-" Rangiku broke off as the baby shoved the entire leg into his mouth and held out his hands, declaring, "More."
"Here, you feed him," Rangiku said, pulling the baby from the sling and shoving him into Yumichika's arms. "He only has six teeth though, so he can't just eat anything."
Kinta seemed to disagree with his mother's assessment. He had already managed to get ahold of another piece of squid and was forcing it in after the first.
"Is Shiro home with Captain Ichimaru?" Nanao asked.
"Should be," Rangiku answered, before taking a swig of sake. "Nanao-chan, can he really give me orders?" she demanded. "Can he really tell me I can't go to the World of the Living? He's not my captain."
Nanao frowned. "You know any captain can issue you orders as long as they don't interfere with your own division responsibilities. They're just mostly polite enough not to. No one likes another captain messing with their men."
"Well, damn," Rangiku exclaimed, picking up her sake and finishing it in one swift gulp. "That is absolutely not healthy for a relationship."
"You should refuse to sleep with him," Ikkaku suggested, looking pleased.
"Because using sex as a weapon is healthy?" Rangiku answered in annoyance.
Hisagi bumped into Nanao, spilling her cup and his all over himself. He apologized over and over again, so politely and intensely, while Nanao told him she was fine, thank you, more than once, and Rangiku couldn't help bursting out laughing. The boy was helpless, and terrified of Nanao, but that was probably wise on his part.
"You see," Ikkaku said, when Rangiku's laughter faded and everyone had a new drink. "That's what a lack of sex does to a man. He loses all confidence and starts stumbling all over himself trying to keep the ladies happy."
"Or he runs about violently slaughtering things," Yumichika put in, but Ikkaku ignored him.
Across the table poor Hisagi was blushing violently and trying to look very interested in what Iba, on his other side, was telling Omaeda, who had clearly only been invited to pay for things.
"And I'll bet it would even wipe that permanent grin off Ichimaru's face," Ikkaku concluded. "And that is something that every last one of us would love to see."
"Nope," Rangiku said after she threw back yet another glass. "His grin just gets bigger. It's a lie anyway so his worst moods come with his biggest grins."
"Oh, yeah?" Ikkaku said.
"Yep," Rangiku nodded. "I have never found anything that could make him stop smiling."
She sat forward and poured herself another drink. "No, wait," she said, pausing long enough to take another drink. "Shiro-chan," she declared. "Shiro-chan definitely made him stop smiling."
Nanao frowned. "I always thought Captain Ichimaru was fond of Shiro, as much as he's ever been fond of anyone besides you."
Rangiku shook her head. "Well, of course, he loves Shiro-chan now, who wouldn't? But when he found out..." she grinned hugely. It all seemed very funny in retrospect, the way Gin had panicked and the way she had too. They had been so young and scared.
"He panicked, didn't he?" Ikkaku said.
"Who wouldn't?" Yumichika answered, before Rangiku could.
"Why's that?" Hisagi asked, risking rejoining the conversation now that Gin was their focus.
Nanao sighed. "Captain Ichimaru and Rangiku had to get married because somebody messed up their kido," she said dryly.
"That would be me," Rangiku offered.
"Little Shiro-chan was born what was it, two months? After they were married," Nanao continued seriously. "The Gotei 13 calls its members to a higher standard, but what can you really expect from a couple of street urchins from Rukongai?"
Rangiku stuck out her tongue at Nanao. "The only difference between street urchins of Rukongai and nobles of Seireitei is a lack of funds to pay someone else to do the kido so you have the chance to screw it up yourself."
Hisagi was blushing again as well as showing the typical terror reaction to unplanned pregnancy by the time she finished speaking. "But-but the kido is foolproof; that-that's what I heard," he managed to stutter out.
"Not foolproof," Rangiku disagreed. "A fool can definitely mess it up. I would know."
"I don't understand," Nemu put in. She had been listening to the conversation in growing confusion. "Isn't the purpose of sexual intercourse to procreate? Why would you engage in such an activity while using kido to prevent its success?"
Hisagi spilled his sake again, this time managing to include Nanao in the splash radius.
Rangiku burst out laughing. "Nemu, I love you!" she told the confused girl. "I really do! You're absolutely fantastic!"
"What have I done that is fantastic?" Nemu asked.
"I can't believe we tried to set you up with Captain Ukitake," Rangiku declared. "You're years from anything like that. We're going to have to begin your education from the very bottom, maybe below the bottom-is there a below the bottom?"
"Like a basement?" Ikkaku offered.
"Yep!" Rangiku agreed. "We are going to have to start your education in the basement, Nemu, basic animal attraction."
"Oh, but I already find Captain Ukitake attractive," Nemu told her. "He is tall and has very kind eyes and gentle hands. I would like his kind eyes to look at me and his gentle hands to touch me; is that not attraction?"
It was Nanao's turn to choke on her sake. "Nemu," she said as soon as she could speak again. "You may think things like that, but you never say them aloud."
"Why not?" Nemu asked. "I do not understand why Rangiku-san is the only one who is permitted to admit an attraction. Is it because she is married? Or is it because the children are clear evidence of attraction on both Captain Ichimaru and Rangiku-san's parts? Is that why Toshiro was a mistake? Because he was undeniable evidence of their attraction, and sharing feelings of attraction publicly is taboo?"
Rangiku burst out laughing, and this time most of the others joined in. For one thing it was better than trying to work out how to answer Nemu. For another the answer to those questions was a little more uncomfortable than anyone wanted to admit.
"I am afraid you must be right, Rangiku-san. I do not seem to understand any of this at all," Nemu said, looking discouraged. "My education must start in the basement."
"Sorry, Nemu," Rangiku apologized. "I'll try to explain later, when I'm a little less drunk. I think I'll probably make a lot more sense then."
"Rangiku," Nanao said, feeling it was time to shift topics. "Do you know if Kaien-san is working on bankai? There have been rumors recently."
Rangiku's eyes widened. "Who would have told you something like that?" she asked with a poor attempt at ignorance.
"So it's true," Yumichika said, as he pulled a skewer of meat away from Kinta and traded him for a small bowl of shelled edamame. "Is he going to try to take Captain Isshin's place?"
"I don't think there is anyone else who could," Nanao looked around the group. "Unless one of you has been holding out on us?"
"I wish I was even close," Rangiku declared, grinning hugely. "Gin would have a heart attack!"
"What about you, Ikkaku?" Iba said with a drunken grin. "I remember rumors back in the day that you were working on bankai. You still haven't gotten there?"
"What the hell would I want to learn bankai for?" Ikkaku demanded. "I can already kill all the hallows I want. The Captain thinks the whole thing's a waste of time anyway."
"I suppose one might try," Yumichika said. "Just to see if one could, but generally, excluding Senbonzakura of course, bankai are inelegant. If you can't look beautiful while you fight why even bother?"
"So you don't want to be a captain?" Iba said, turning toward Yumichika. "What is with you two? Doesn't anybody in Eleven have any ambition anymore?"
"I really don't think the haori would suit me," Yumichika said. "It's so-white."
"Someday I'll be strong enough to fight the Captain," Ikkaku said. "That's my ambition."
"I wish I was ambitious," Rangiku said. "Maybe if I was I could master bankai and become a captain-wouldn't that drive everybody crazy, two Captain Ichimarus? But it sounds like so much work! Gin still calls my shikai shit just 'cause I can't get it fast enough to counter him-who can move fast enough to counter him, I'd like to know! I'm not a freaking Kuchiki!"
Rangiku sat back, frowning at her empty cup. "Damn it!" she said suddenly. "I'm drunk!"
"You have been for a while, dear," Yumichika told her.
"But if I go home drunk I won't even manage to tell Gin off before he gets me in bed, and then he always wins! It's really not fair!" She looked across the table to the two other women and said, "Nemu, Nanao, listen carefully. Never, ever sleep with anyone smarter than you are, 'cause they figure out all your little buttons, and they know exactly how to play their cards so they win every single time, and you're completely helpless-but you're both a lot smarter than me so you'll probably be fine, and most men are idiots."
"Oi!" Ikkaku protested. "Don't go lumping me in with Ichimaru!"
"Oh?" Rangiku turned to Ikkaku, looking surprised. "I'm not. That's the problem! Gin's not an idiot. He's always thinking ten steps ahead, and it's not fair. He must have already told the guards at the Senkaimon to stall me if I tried to go to the World of the Living and to let him know so he could come stop me. How unfair is that? It hadn't even occurred to me to try till today! I'm tempted to try to lead a mission into Rukongai, just to see what he's got planned, but I really don't want to find out that half my division actually answers to the captain of the Third."
"That would be a serious breach," Nanao said. "That's interfering with your division. He could be sanctioned for that."
"Do you think he cares? Seriously? Stupid captains, they do whatever the hell they feel like. I bet Kurotsuchi hasn't changed one thing since he was sanctioned—has he, Nemu?"
"He is very irritated by the constant interruptions to experiments that we must take to explain our work to the First Division regulators," Nemu answered. "And our volunteer testing program has been put on hold until the regulators go away. It is a great inconvenience."
"See!" Rangiku said. "That's all they've managed, to be irritating and cause some inconvenience. Why would I bother to report Gin? I'll bet I can be way more irritating than any sanction."
"I'm sure that's true," Nanao agreed.
"You know something?" Hisagi announced a little drunkenly. "When I was a kid a shinigami saved my life, and I didn't care what everybody said; I thought you guys were the best, like superheroes or something. You were like the protectors of truth and justice, and the captains, I thought they had to be the best people in the universe, so much better than the rest of us, because they stand guard over the world and protect everyone-really sucks most of them turned out to be such assholes."
"Gin's not-" Rangiku slumped forward onto the table. "Who am I kidding? My husband is a total asshole."
Yumichika patted her on the shoulder. "I am sure there are worse things he could be," he said in a tone that was clearly meant to be comforting.
"Kinda hard to think of anything," Ikkaku said.
Rangiku sighed. "And I still love him. There's probably something wrong with me, loving someone like him. Oh, well, it doesn't seemed to have damaged Shiro-chan." She turned her head slowly to look at Kinta who had slumped against Yumichika and was chewing on another squid leg drowsily. "What about you, kiddo?" she asked the baby. "You gonna be ok?"
Kinta pulled the squid from his mouth and offered it to her. "Bite?"
She smiled. "You're gonna be just fine."