I regret nothing. Nothing.

And, just to clarify, I have absolutely no idea where this came from. But even when I'm rereading it, it still cracks me up.

This is George, Harold, and Harry. George is the one on the left with the tie and the flat top. Harold is the one on the right with the t shirt and the bad hair cut. Harry is the screaming one holding onto the cape of the flying guy in his underpants. Remember that, now.

At this point, you're probably wondering how this whole thing came to be. That's an excellent question, because you've probably heard that Harry is supposed to be in England, where, in about a year and a half, he'll be receiving a letter from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and from then on learn magic and make friends and have all sorts of exciting experiences that eventually culminate in a battle far too graphic to describe in a G-rated novel.

And, indeed, that probably would have happened, if not for one little difficulty.

-0-

If you remember, at the end of George and Harold's twelfth epic novel (an incredible adventure involving time travel, three different versions of themselves, and a trio of half pterodactyl half bionic hamster hybrids and culminating in the amazing Captain Underpants both losing his powers and reverting back to his alter ego-permanently), George and Harold sadly said goodbye to Yesterday George and Yesterday Harold, dropped Old George and Old Harold off in their own time, and decided to go travelling through time and space in Melvin Sneedley's glow-in-the-dark time machine Robo-Squid, the three aforementioned pterodactyl/bionic hamster hybrids in tow.

The exact circumstances leading to this unusual situation were very complicated and amusing and took twelve novels to document (and let's face it, number nine was twice the size of all the others and probably should be counted as two on its own), but if you're reading this, you probably know all of that already. The point being that George and Harold were now hurtling through time and space with no real idea of what they were doing (not that they ever did).

And it is here that something happened that would alter everything they ever knew… (well, at least for the past couple months or so)

But before I can tell you that story, I have to tell you this story.

-0-

Petunia Dursley was a highly unpleasant woman by pretty much everyone's standards. She was nosey, obnoxious, and looked rather like an ostrich when she was spying on her neighbors, which happened to be her favorite pastime.

She also very much disliked anything she deemed "unnatural", a term she applied to magic, her nephew, and any of the neighborhood cats (which meant there were quite a lot of things she deemed unnatural, and therefore, disliked). Her aversion to the "unnatural" actually stemmed from a deep seated jealousy of her sister, who had the audacity to be born magical while she wasn't.

Her son, Dudley Dursley, was just as unpleasant. He was a textbook bully, and enjoyed beating up his cousin and other kids younger than him for lunch money and fun. He was also doted on by both his parents, which only added to his sense of entitlement and general unpleasant demeanor. He was very heavily set, and was often compared in appearance to a large hog.

Her husband, Vernon Dursley, was, if possible, even more unpleasant. He hated everything his wife did. There was no emotional backstory for him. He was just a jerk.

Their nephew Harry was scrawny with messy black hair, green eyes, and a lightning bolt scar he hadn't learned to completely hate yet. He was very nice, but didn't have any friends because Dudley liked to beat kids who talked to him up. He lived in the cupboard under the stairs.

Also, he was a wizard. But he didn't know that yet.

-0-

One day, Petunia was looking out at her garden. Harry did most of the gardening because she was an awful and sort of lazy person, but she considered it her garden because she was the one to decide what went in it and where.

While she was looking, George and Harold appeared in the time travelling squid suit, still holding on to their pets.

"Oops," George said, looking around. "That's not right."

"Did you press the right button?" Harold asked.

"I think I-Oh, here it is." With that, George pressed the correct button and they all vanished into thin air.

Petunia stared. Two very unnatural boys with very unnatural companions had just very unnaturally appeared in the middle of her garden in a very unnatural manner.

For a moment, she thought she'd been imagining the very unnatural occurrence.

And then she realized that the very unnatural occurrence had flattened her tulips.

"Vernon!" Petunia shrieked. "We're moving!"

-0-

Two weeks later, nine and a half year old Harry Potter found himself in a new class in a new school, sitting next to ten year old George Beard and nine and three quarters year old Harold Hutchins. He would later regard it as one of the best things to ever happen to him.

For the record, I'm not entirely sure where this would go, but I have no doubt it would be really funny. And likely anything I come up with is not as funny as whatever you're currently imagining. Though, seriously, if anyone wants to run with this idea, they're more than welcome to.

I should also clarify that Harry ended up with a George and Harold who have not yet hypnotized Mr. Krupp- in accidently interacting with his aunt, the future George and Harold have pretty much completely demolished the time stream (again). History gets rewritten in the most amusing way possible.

Past that, I got nothing. Nothing but Omakes:

Logic Has No Home Here:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed George.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Harold.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Harry.

Then the two robots baring down on them unexpectedly exploded.

"AAA- huh?" George stopped screaming. "What just happened?"

"Did those robots just spontaneously explode?" Harold asked. "How does that make sense?"

"Guys, we are running after our school principal who's currently stripped to his underwear and convinced he's a superhero. He's attempting to face off against a guy in a diaper who wants to blow up the moon. In what possible universe does any of this make any sense?" Harry argued.

There was a long pause.

"Good point," George agreed.

Time Travel Rookies:

"Really bad things have happened to people who try and meet themselves when travelling in time," Hermione warned.

"What?" Harry demanded. "Since when?"

"Yeah, we met a guy who literally carried around two smaller versions of himself in his pocket," Harold agreed. "From alternate timelines."

"And then he blew up and kick started the universe," George added.

"And the dinosaurs," Harry added. "He blew up and killed all the dinosaurs."

"And there was that ice age thing," Harold put in. "Remember that? Ooh, and George and I were communicating with cave people through comics?"

"I had totally forgotten the comic thing!" Harry cheered. "That was so awesome!"

"Speaking of time travel, did we ever figure out what happened to our future selves?" George wondered. "I mean, they were there one day, and then there was the thing with Mr. Meaner, and how did that get solved, anyways?"

The other two shrugged.

"What is the matter with you three?" Hermione demanded.

Been There, Done That:

"So you see, Harry, Voldemort wants to kill you," Dumbledore finished gravely.

"Okay," Harry agreed calmly.

"But don't you get it?" Dumbledore pressed. "He wants to kill you, Harry."

"Okay," Harry said again.

"I don't think you're quite getting this," Dumbledore said. "Harry, Voldemort wants to kill you."

"Okay," Harry repeated. "Got it. Voldemort wants to kill me."

There was a pause.

"You're taking this very calmly," Dumbledore observed.

"Well, after you've had a dozen or so psychos after you, it doesn't seem so bad," Harry said with a shrug. "Besides, it all falls into the same pattern, anyways. Bad guy has evil plan, evil plan gets foiled, bad guy tries to kill you, you get creative, bad guy gets beat up by superhero wearing nothing but underpants and a cape," Harry listed cheerfully.

"Okay," Dumbledore agreed, nodding. "...Wait, what?"

I have no clue if George and Harold would end up wizards, but I could totally see it.

One other potential idea… (Though I have no clue how it would come about…)

"Harry, why are you standing in the middle of the hallway in your underwear?" Hermione asked.

"I have no idea who this Harry you speak of is," Harry declared, taking a heroic pose. "I am Tighty Whitey, the Waistband Warrior, a title last held by Captain Underpants, until his… abrupt retirement."

"Captain Who?" Hermione asked.

"My predecessor, Captain Underpants!" Harry said in a very heroic voice. "Defeater of the diabolical Dr. Diper, the tyrannical Turbo Toilet, the pestiferous Professor Poopypants, the wicked Wedgie Woman, the terrifying Tippy Tinkletrousers, and the sickening Sir Stinks-a-lot… among others."

"...That is a very impressive list," Hermione said slowly. "But it still sounds like something out of a ridiculously juvenile children's book series. And it doesn't explain you standing in the middle of the hallway in your underwear."

"I am preparing to start my heroing by vanquishing the vile, vicious Voldemort," Harry answered, striking a new heroic pose.

"Well, you certainly have the alliteration down," Hermione mumbled. "But don't you think it's kind of obvious who you are?"

"Is it?" Harry questioned.

"Hey, is that Tighty Whitey, the new Waistband Warrior?" Ron asked excitedly, running down the hall. "The superhero planning to defeat You-Know-Who?"

"I am indeed, citizen," Harry said, sounding very heroic. "It's very nice of you to recognize me."

"Ron, it's Harry," Hermione said, looking exasperated. "It's just Harry in his underwear, wearing a cape."

"Don't be ridiculous, Hermione," Ron said, waving her off. "Everyone knows Harry would never been seen running around in his underwear."

-0-

Elsewhere:

"Wormtail! Find me information on this "Tighty Whitey" who dares to challenge me!"

"Master, a few muggleborns I've spied on are under the impression he's actually Harry Potter in disguise."

"Clearly, that proves their inferior breeding. Potter would never run around in his underwear! Crucio!"

I can just imagine that all the purebloods are completely convinced he's a different person, and the muggleborns all think it's totally obvious and find the whole thing hilarious.

And if George and Harold were there and helping him come up with it…:

"Now that I have superpowers, I was thinking I needed a new superhero identity to help me combat Voldemort," Harry explained. "What do you think?"

"Well, what do you think?" Harold asked.

"I was going to go with Boxer Boy, but then I remembered where I'd heard the name before and threw up in my mouth a little," Harry replied.

The other two took a second to remember that little scenario before George threw his hands over his eyes. "My eyes!"

"My brain!" Harold cried, holding his hands to his temple.

"Which is why I will not be using that name," Harry finished. "But you guys are really creative. Any ideas?"

George and Harold exchanged glances.

"I think we have just the thing," Harold said, holding out a comic.

"Tighty Whitey?" Harry read aloud. "The Waistband Warrior? Inheritor of the Legacy of Captain Underpants?"

"You like?" Harold asked eagerly.

"I love!" Harry cheered. "Being the legacy of Captain Underpants, inheriting his powers, and his comics? That's so awesome!"

"I just wanted to point out that you don't necessarily have to have an underwear based superhero identity," George said.

Harry and Harold both stared at him.

"Not underwear based?" Harry asked at the same Harold questioned, "Not underwear based?"

"I'm just saying," George said with a shrug. "Though obviously, underwear based superheroes are clearly superior to all others."

"Clearly," Harold agreed.

"Tighty Whitey," Harry grinned. "This is the best day ever!"

I really have no idea. But I want to see it.

Until next time!