This is probably not going anywhere, so let's dump it here! ...It was fun to write anyways...

When Harry woke up, the first thing he was aware of was that his head hurt.

He groaned, raising a hand to clutch at his head, as he slowly opened his eyes to see a red head with a face obscured by thick glasses leaning over him.

"Oh, you're alive?" the man asked excitedly, before straightening and throwing his arms into the air. "HE'S ALIVE!" And he immediately broke out into a bizarre sort of jig.

Harry blinked. "What?"

"They said it couldn't be done! That the secret had died with my father! But I've never been the sort to take no for an answer, and you, my boy, you…" he trailed off, as though realizing something. "What's your name?"

"Harry."

"And you, Harry, have been the one chosen to benefit from my utter genius!"

Harry was by this point completely and utterly lost. "Er… sorry, what?"

The excited man halted in his dancing to pull a chair over to the bed Harry was laying in. "Tell me, Harry, what do you last remember?"

Harry cast his mind back, trying to remember that morning… only to discover nothing. He had no idea who he was. Just that his name was Harry, and apparently this odd man was chattering rapidly at him. "I don't know. I don't think I remember anything, really."

The man nodded solemnly. "Oh, yes, that would be the accident. Let me try to explain." He paused a moment, as though searching for words. "Well, I suppose this story really starts a couple decades ago, with a police officer that was injured in the line of duty. He was almost dead when my father found him in the hospital, and fixed him up."

"Fixed him up?" Harry repeated, finding the word choice odd.

"That's right," the man agreed. "Fixed him up with machine parts, creating the world's first human-robot hybrid! A cyborg, if you will! Who, at a simple vocal command could summon any one of hundreds of gadgets hidden within his body! He was one of the best agents HQ could hope for-the incredible Inspector Gadget!"

Harry blinked again. "Hang on, what does that have to do-?"

"I'm getting to that!" the excitable man protested. "You see, Gadget has faced hundreds of villains, most working for a secretive organization called MAD. There's a bit of a debate on what the M-A-D actually stand for, but that's not really important. This agency is led by the notorious Dr. Claw, an evil man with evil aspirations. Today, Claw launched another attack, which, despite being stopped, led to a rather nasty car accident."

"Oh," Harry said, still wondering where exactly this was going.

"You see, Harry, you nearly died in that accident," the man continued seriously. "You would have died if Inspector Gadget hadn't found you in the wreckage and raced you back to HQ as fast as he could-and that's quite fast, you understand. See, despite some injuries on more difficult missions, Gadget has never actually had anyone lose a life, not even a villain. And your death could very well break him. So… I put you back together, using my father's notes!"

Harry froze. "You mean…"

"Congratulations!" the man cheered. "You're a cyborg!"

...Well, this would certainly be interesting.

-0-

"Hi, I'm Penny," the blonde girl greeted him. She looked several years older than he, perhaps twelve or so. "You must be Harry."

Harry nodded slowly. He was still getting used to his new body, so it came as a bit of a surprise when his hand stretched several feet out of his arm to shake her's.

To his surprise, Penny just giggled. "Oh, don't worry. You get used to it."

Harry cocked his head. "You're not… surprised? Disgusted?"

"Of course not!" she protested. "You'll find most people around here wouldn't be. They're all used to Uncle Gadget by now. And I grew up with him, so it'd be a little odd for me to be disgusted at something little like that."

Harry briefly wondered at the fact that she would dismiss having about eighty percent of one's body replaced by machine as "something little". "Er, thanks."

"Actually, I think my Uncle really wants to meet you," she continued. "I just came ahead to warn you that he can be a little… excitable?"

"Like the scientist who helped me?" Harry asked.

"You mean Professor Von Slickstein?" Penny asked. "No, not quite. Maybe excitable isn't quite the right word…"

Before she could find a suitable replacement, the door to the room Harry was recuperating in blew inwards as a man in a trench coat and fedora burst into the room. He was pinwheeling his arms, and seemed to be struggling to stay on his feet, which seemed to have turned into a pair of rocket propelled roller skates. To complete the comedic image, a light brown dog was wrapped around his face, clearly panicking, and unfortunately blocking his vision.

The two, shouting, crashed into the far wall in a spectacular manner.

Penny winced. "Maybe… accident prone? No, that's still not quite right-"

"Wowzers!" the man exclaimed, shooting to his feet. "Where did that MAD agent go?"

The dog facepalmed.

"Nevermind, I must have chased him off," the man declared, before turning to Harry. "Ah! You must be Harry! I'm Inspector Gadget, nice to meet you!"

A hand rose from the center of his fedora and shot forward to shake Harry's hand. Harry couldn't stop himself from grinning as he shook Gadget's hand. "Nice to meet you, sir."

"Now, I hope you don't take too long visiting, Penny," he continued. "The chief wants to see us in his office." His head stretched off of his body to lean in and whisper loudly to her, "It might be about that MAD agent I was chasing through the halls."

"Okay, Uncle Gadget," Penny agreed, trying to hide a smile.

"Well, I have to find that agent," Gadget said with a smile. "Go-go-gadget powerskates!"

His legs shot up like springs, sending him crashing into the ceiling. "Woooowzers!"

Penny and Harry both winced as he came back down.

"Let's try that again. Go-go-gadget powerskates!"

This time, the rocket powered roller skates burst from his shoes, and after an odd spin about, he was dragged feet first from the room.

"Brain, can you make sure Uncle Gadget actually makes it to the Chief's office?" Penny asked the dog.

The dog gave an odd barking affirmation and a salute before dashing back out of the room.

"I think the word I was looking for was eccentric," Penny finally decided. "Uncle Gadget is eccentric. A lot of people don't like him because of that."

"He's absolutely brilliant," Harry decided.

"Yes, some people become convinced of that, too," Penny agreed.

-0-

As it turned out, the meeting in the Chief's office was to decide what to do with Harry. No one had stepped forward claiming him as their own, despite no one else being seriously injured in the accident. And with Harry's memory loss, it was looking very unlikely that they would be able to track them down, especially as his accent was clearly British.

It seemed that the best option at the moment was for Harry to stay with Gadget. After all, he could best teach the boy about adjusting to his new modifications, and Penny would be there as well to help him through any rough patches.

Chief Quimby spent several hours on the phone with HQ's British division, smoothing everything over, and ensuring everything would be nice and legal. They would keep an eye out for any signs of a missing "Harry", but with no last name to go on, there wasn't a lot of hope there.

(Plus, with the prospect of adding another cyborg to the ranks, along with the fact that Professor Von Slickstein had noted several old scars and injuries consistent with abuse meant that they wouldn't be searching very hard, and even if they did find his legal guardians, there was an excellent chance they wouldn't be getting him back.)

Harry was thrilled with the decision, and the seven year old soon found himself slipping into the odd routine that came with living with Inspector Gadget. Within a year, using the gadgets that made up most of his body had become second nature, and HQ had grown used to watching the younger boy in a dark navy fedora and trench coat trailing after the inspector. Within a few months, he had been giving his own moniker: Gadget Boy.

Penny later confided she was a bit jealous about that. "Years, years of trailing after Uncle Gadget and only one guy on that side actually knows my name! I just get called 'Gadget's niece'!"

Regardless, Harry found himself and Penny getting along very well. She was incredibly intelligent, and assisted him with his homework and the like. Of course, as an official junior agent, he didn't go to a normal school, and his classes were accelerated. Penny's help was a god send.

Not everything went completely smoothly, however. Missions were dangerous, and it was easy sometimes to forget that when most of the villains you were fighting were pretty incompetent.

When Penny was fifteen and Harry ten, they got a rather nasty wake up call. On a mission to the Grand Canyon to stop Dr. Claw's men from flooding it (for some inane reason), as the MAD agents were trying to stop them, one fired a shot not at the two of them, but the rocks over their heads. Harry had managed to get out of the way because of the springs in his legs, but Penny hadn't been so lucky. One large boulder had crushed her left arm.

Harry had never found himself more furious in his life. Seeing his adoptive sister bleeding out on the ground awoke something in him he'd never felt before.

But before he could react, his adoptive uncle came from somewhere over his head, and within seconds had disabled each of the MAD agents, most of them much more severely than usual.

Inspector Gadget may have been usually slightly (really) incompetent. But no one hurt his niece.

Harry turned back to the task of freeing Penny while Gadget rapidly dismantled the machines designed to flood the Grand Canyon.

Penny's arm was mangled. There was no other word for it. The boulder had been massive, and the scanner in his eye informed him that most of the bones had been more or less reduced to powder.

It was a very good thing that she was working alongside one of the most knowledgeable men in the world on the subject of advanced cybernetics.

-0-

Penny ended up getting the arm and most of the shoulder replaced, but was back on her feet pretty quickly. HQ kept the fact that Penny had really "joined the Gadget family", as Von Slickstein jokingly put it, under wraps. MAD had no idea that Penny's arm was now cybernetic, and she was so used to fighting without it, she rarely used it.

And missions continued much in the way they always did.

-0-

It was the day before Harry's 11th birthday when they got an interesting mission. At the time they received it, Penny was helping Harry with his advanced physics. (At HQ, school went year round.)

"So we can tell…?"

"The difference in time as he approaches light speed," Harry realized, jotting down his answer. "Thanks, Penny. That makes a lot more sense."

"Always happy to help," the sixteen year old said with a smile.

"Penny!" Gadget strode into the room excitedly, holding a flyer. "Have you seen this? People have been seeing ghosts in the London Underground!"

Brain, who had been relaxing comfortably in one of the chairs nearby, dove to hide behind Penny and Harry.

Penny frowned. "Uncle Gadget, there's no such thing as ghosts."

"I know," the inspector agreed. "I just have no idea why someone would be passing out flyers with that information in America. It must be some kind of show!"

Harry and Penny exchanged a long suffering glance.

There was a ringing sound, successfully distracting Gadget as he looked around for the source.

Penny had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Uncle, that's the top secret Gadget phone."

"So it is!" the man exclaimed, as he pulled an antenna from his thumb and held his hand up to his ear. "Hello? Chief, is that you? ...You're where?"

The potted plant next to the door shivered and lifted from its pot, revealing a face beneath it. "I'm right here, Gadget!"

"How long has that plant been there?" Harry whispered to Penny.

"I have no idea," she whispered back.

"Oh, Chief Quimby!" Gadget greeted, hanging up the phone by pushing the antenna back into his thumb. "What are you doing here?"

Brain, who had finally picked himself back up, let out a grumbling sigh.

"I have a mission for you, Gadget," Quimby said, handing over a blue ball.

Gadget pressed the button on the surface, activating the holographic message. "Strange ghost sightings have been reported on the London Underground. Our sources indicate MAD could be involved. Your mission is to investigate and if necessary, put a stop to it. This message will self destruct."

"London?" Harry asked excitedly. "I haven't been to England in years!"

"Maybe we can sightsee a bit after the mission," Penny agreed.

"That's a great idea, Penny!" Gadget agreed, as he shoved the self destructing message back towards the chief, ignoring his cry of protest. "I'm an expert tour guide! I've been equipped with all the latest in England GPS, maps, and recorded audio tours!"

"I wonder if I am…" Harry mused, poking at his chest. "Go-go-gadget London tour guide!"

A map of London shot from his right hand, a GPS screen displaying London shot from his left hand, and a cassette player settled at his right hip, shooting up headphones to cover his ears.

"...Sweet!"

"I'm going to go get packed," Gadget declared, walking from the room, just seconds before the holo-ball containing the mission self destructed, leaving the chief's face black with soot.

"Why do I put up with him?" moaned the long suffering man.

Harry, Brain, and Penny, all looked on in sympathy.

-0-

London was quite a ways away. That was not a problem, however, for the group of four. They considered just flying with jetpacks, but Penny didn't have a jetpack in her arm, and Brain didn't have any gadgets whatsoever. There was also the idea of taking the Gadgetmobile, but it was decided that would take too long. In the end, the temperamental G-Portal was used.

The G-Portal was just as described, a portal that, with the correct coordinates could take you anywhere on the planet.

The only problem? Inspector Gadget was not known for imputing the correct coordinates.

It took visits to China, Australia, and a little shop in the Canadian outback, but they did get to London (eventually).

"I suppose this is where I came from," Harry mused, looking around the busy streets they'd emerged onto, ignoring the few stares they got from appearing from nowhere. "I don't think I've ever been to England, that I can actually remember."

"I've been a few times," Penny said cheerfully. "A couple MAD agents nearly drowned Uncle Gadget in the Thames."

Brain let out a whine.

"Hey," cried a voice behind them. "How did you just appear out of-"

A hand popped from Harry's hat, displaying his badge. "We're from WOMP, on a classified mission. That's all you need to-"

Unfortunately, Harry's highly professional deflection was overrun by Gadget's highly unprofessional manner.

"Good day, my good man! I'm Inspector Gadget, here to investigate possible MAD involvement with the ghosts sighted in the London Underground! Tell me, have you seen anything suspicious lately?"

The man blinked. "Er-"

Gadget reared back. "That's just what a MAD agent would say! You're under arrest! Go-go-gadget handcuffs!"

Brain facepalmed as a pair of handcuffs lept from the inspector's wrist to encircle the wrist of the poor man.

"What? But I'm not-"

"Uncle Gadget?" Penny asked. "Harry and I are going to go look at the subway, alright?"

"Alright," Gadget agreed. "As long as you stay away from the London Underground. There are MAD agents there, after all."

Harry and Penny exchanged a glance as their uncle returned to interrogating the other man. Penny leaned in to speak to Brain. "Keep an eye on Uncle Gadget, Brain. Harry and I are going to go get to the bottom of this."

Brain gave an affirmative bark before running around the corner, and emerging a second later in an impeccable black suit, bowler hat, cane, and mustache.

"Oh, he's good," Harry chuckled as he and Penny walked off. "Here's an entrance."

"What do you think the chances are that MAD's not actually behind it?" Penny asked, as they entered.

Harry snorted. "Like MAD's ever not behind it."

-0-

Three hours, a runaway train, a run in with MAD's top agent (Claw's nephew Talon, whom Penny still refused to admit she had a crush on-not that that ever stopped Harry from teasing her), and one foiled plan to create the world's largest roller coaster (that somehow would lead to world domination or something, Talon hadn't been very clear on the details and seemed more annoyed than anything else) later, Harry and Penny were ready to call it a day.

Almost.

Of course, as per usual, Gadget had taken the credit, Brain was probably injured at some point, and Penny and Harry were exhausted. However, they were in England.

"Can we see Big Ben?" Harry babbled as soon as they'd finished. "Or the London Bridge? Or- ooh, let's go to Buckingham Palace and see if Uncle Gadget can get the guards to react!"

"That would end badly," Penny pointed out. "And I'm exhausted. But maybe we could get a hotel, spend the night here, and go sightseeing in the morning?"

"A very good idea, Penny!" Gadget complimented. "One must always respect one's roots, and Harry knows hardly anything at all about England!"

"...I know some," Harry muttered, slightly embarrassed.

"Then it's settled!" Penny agreed. "Er, we should probably see about dinner, shouldn't we?"

"There's got to be a fish and chips shop somewhere around here," Harry mused, looking around. "You know, they're supposed to eat vinegar on their fries?"

"It's a good thing I'm equipped with a full condiment bar, then," Gadget agreed. "Go-go-gadget ketchup!"

A hand holding a bottle of ketchup sprang from his chest. Unfortunately, the hand seemed to be squeezing the bottle a little too tightly. Everyone cried out as ketchup exploded over the group.

There was a slight pause.

"Oops," Gadget said sheepishly.

Brain groaned.

-0-

Harry awoke to the sound of an owl tapping on his window.

He cracked one eye open with a groan. Jet leg had hit hard: his body was still convinced it was one in the morning.

Not bothering to get up (and still half asleep, because really, that was the only way he'd ever open a window for a bird), he reached across the room with his Gadget arm and slid the window open.

"What?" he grumbled.

The owl hooted as it flew in and dropped an envelope on his face before flying back out the open window. Harry slammed the window shut and, squinting, made out the address.

"Mr H. Potter, Bed by the Window, Room 206, Smythton Hotel, London?"

There was really only one way to react to this.

With a sigh, knowing that something like this really shouldn't be put off, Harry stood up and walked past the bed his uncle was snoring in to the door. He exited the room and crossed to the room Penny and Brain were staying in.

He knocked a couple times before a tired looking Brain answered.

"Sorry, Brain," Harry apologized. "I know it's early, and all, but I really need to talk to Penny. I think I have a stalker."

-0-

"What do you mean, 'Oh, by the way, MAGIC IS REAL'?!" Penny shrieked at the face on the holographic monitor.

Professor Von Slickstein winced. "Er… sorry, Penny, it's just never really come up before. And it's kind of on a need to know basis."

"And you didn't think your top agents might need to know?!"

Von Slickstein chuckled weakly. "Penny, I don't know if you've noticed this, but your Uncle is kind of considered a security risk."

Unfortunately, that was a very good argument.

"So, you're a… wizard?" Penny asked, after a long pause.

"Yep! Graduated top of my class at the Massachusetts Institute of Technomancy! All three of you actually have quite a few space expansion charms built into your cybernetics, to assist in storing your gadgets."

"I was wondering about that…" Penny mused, studying her arm, before focusing back on Von Slickstein, eyes dangerous. "You are going to tell me absolutely everything you know about magic."

Von Slickstein gulped.

-0-

The Official Unofficial Friday Night Drinking Group had basically started as a bunch of office workers who at some point realized that they were working with Secret Agents and came to the conclusion that their lives were boring. The solution? Live vicariously through the stories of the agents in question!

So, one Friday night, Chief Quimby had invited Inspector Gadget down to the pub, and the other agents begged for stories in exchange for everyone chipping in to pay for his drinks.

There was only one problem. As it turned out, Gadget and alcohol were not a good mix.

Ever.

After Quimby was released from the burn ward and another, hopefully less flammable bar had been found, there was only the question of who their new sucker (ahem, agent) would be. It was Professor Von Slickstein who dragged Penny into it.

Penny had never connected well with children her age, because of both her intelligence and her tendency to go running off around the world in pursuit of her uncle. But hanging out with adults, most highly intelligent, in a relaxed setting? That was something very, very cool.

Also, they gave her soda.

So Penny told stories of her uncle's cases, and everyone had fun, and eventually the Official Unofficial Friday Night Drinking Group (or the FriN DriG for short) swelled to nine regulars and another fifteen to twenty people who showed up occasionally. There would usually be between thirteen and seventeen people on any given night.

The first FriN DriG after returning from England, Penny stomped in in a mood.

"Someone get me a drink," she snapped, flopping down in her usual seat.

"One Virgin Cuba Libre," offered Daniel, a WOMP office worker who spent more time at the water cooler than in his office, yet still managed to get all his work done ahead of schedule.

"That's a coke, right?" Penny asked.

"With lime," the man agreed, sliding it over.

Penny took a long drink. "That hits the spot. I just got back from England today."

"We know that," called Elliot, a secretary in the Cryptic Intelligence Agency, or the CIA. "Come on, get to the good stuff!"

"Well, we had a mission," Penny began, before she was interrupted by Dr. Jenny Westwood, a fellow employee and former college rival of Von Slickstein, entering the bar with a disposition even more stormy than hers.

"Slick!" she shouted, stomping over to where Von Slickstein sat on a stool. "Would you like to explain to me why Gadget came into my lab today, because he'd somehow gotten it into his head that I needed help?! That was just before he incinerated all of my work on the new robotic leg! I'm being set back months!"

"Well, how am I supposed to help that?!" Slickstein shot back.

"Maybe by fixing your father's mistake, you incompetent-"

Penny tuned the shouting out, as it was nothing she hadn't heard before. The two got into a FriN DriG fight at least once a month. It was always about the same thing, and she wasn't sure what exactly that thing was.

"So, the mission was in England, and Harry turned eleven while we were there," Penny pressed on. "And he got a letter."

A massive groan went through the group.

"Damn it, GB's a magical?" complained one of the guys. "You don't think the magicals are going to try and snatch him away from us, do you?"

"They better not," Penny growled.

"They wouldn't have a leg to stand on legally anyways," Chief Quimby assured from his seat a few spots down. "Harry's now got WOMP citizenship."

"What?" Penny asked, confused.

"It's a special classification of citizenship you can only be offered if you've been working at WOMP for at least three years," Quimby explained. "Basically, Harry's a citizen of the world. So are you, come to think of it. Your uncle agreed to your legal change in your stead several years ago."

"Oh," Penny said scratching her head. "That does actually make me feel better. Thanks."

"Enough about the legal schmuck!" Dr. Knutz, the WOMP psychologist called loudly from down the table. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Well, he has to learn magic somewhere," Daniel said sagely. "He can't just expect to not have any problems with it in the future."

"Hang on," Elliot said, holding up a hand. "More importantly, did you find out GB's original last name?"

Quimby's eyes widened. "You don't think-?"

"It would fit with the same stupidly deranged luck we get all over this place," Elliot said with a shrug.

"Potter," Penny said shortly. "His last name is apparently Potter."

There was a long silence, punctuated only by Westwood and Von Slickstien still going at it.

"-making claims you can't back up-!"

"-won't even let me look-!"

"-those aren't your plans-!"

"-it's in the neural feedback-!"

"So, that complicates things," Daniel said with a grin. "In a terribly awesome way."

"It might be our chance to get a foothold into the legal system of Wizarding Britain," Elliot mused. "Hey, is there anyone from the legal department here?! We should really coordinate this!"

"Yes, yes, but how is Harry taking this?!" Knutz demanded loudly. She really didn't have any concept of an inside voice. Which was why she was probably the most useless psychologist in the history of ever. Which really begged the question of why WOMP even employed her.

Then again, they employed the whole of the CIA, the members of which Penny had only met a few times in passing and had no desire to ever meet again. Really, Elliot and Quimby had to be the only sensible ones of the bunch.

"He's kind of torn about the whole thing," Penny admitted. "He wants to learn more about where he came from, but is angry that they didn't say anything when we first found him."

"Backwards Britain," Elliot and Daniel sighed in unison.

Upon seeing Penny's confused expression, they hastened to explain the prejudice and stagnance found in many of the European Magical Nations, but especially Britain.

"...And so, that's why Harry should probably go to Hogwash," Daniel concluded.

"Hogwarts," Elliot corrected.

"Same difference."

"Look, if Harry is setting one foot in that messed up world, I don't want him to go alone," Penny sighed. "I just don't want to leave Uncle Gadget here on his own. Who knows what he'd get up to?"

"No, definitely don't do that," Quimby agreed with a shudder.

"You know, you could probably solve that problem if Einstein here would just uncross the wires in your uncle's frontal cortex," Jenny Westwood broke in, shoving a chair in next to Penny. "I mean, from his files, he was clearly a competent agent prior to the accident, so the judgement has to be from the implants."

"It's not from the implants!" Von Slickstein snapped, pulling a second chair over to sit on Penny's other side. "My father would have caught something like that!"

"Oh, please. I doubt your father would have noticed it without an MRI, which he probably didn't have access to at the time," Westwood bit back. She paused. "There's probably something mixed up in the Lateral Orbitofrontal, as well."

Penny pinched the bridge of her nose. "You mean, it could be something a simple as a few crossed wires that make my uncle completely incapable of completing a mission on his own?"

"Yes," Westwood agreed at the same time Von Slickstein cried, "No!"

"Do you ever agree on anything?" she asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Of course we do," Westwood frowned. "It's really just this issue. I mean, you must have noticed. We fight about it all the time."

Penny's mouth fell open. "You mean, that's what you've been arguing about all these meetings?!"

"Well, yeah," Von Slickstein agreed, looking confused. "Wasn't that kind of obvious?"

"No!" Penny took a deep breath. "Why haven't you just given my uncle an MRI to settle this?"

"I don't have 'clearance' to see your uncle's schematics," Westwood grumbled. "And Slick here won't give it to me."

"Because you're wrong," Von Slickstein snapped.

Penny's eye twitched. "Okay. Here is what we're going to do. We are going to go to HQ. We are going to call Uncle Gadget there. We are going to give him an MRI, and take a look at just the brain portion, all three of us. And we can decide how to proceed from there."

Von Slickstein was about to protest when he caught Penny's eye and realized she still hadn't totally forgiven him for the whole magic thing yet.

Also, she could be really scary when she was angry.

-0-

Three hours later, and Westwood was crowing triumphantly at a baffled Von Slickstein. They immediately got into a rowdy argument over how to proceed.

It was at about this point that Penny finally passed out on one of the cots in the lab. It had been a very long day for her.

It was also probably a good thing she wasn't up to see a pretty tipsy Westwood and Von Slickstein decide that the wire thing must immediately be fixed… by them personally. There was another argument over who'd be taking the lead before a short impromptu wrestling match. Which proceeded a probably slightly (very) illegal surgery.

Which proceeded both of the doctors getting into another shouting match before they both passed out in one of the corners.

-0-

Penny woke up to the smell of bacon.

She blinked blearily, trying to remember where she was before it slowly came back. She was in Von Slickstein's lab at HQ, because they were going to…

Suddenly shooting straight up, she looked over in surprise to see her uncle humming cheerfully to himself as he fried bacon and eggs on a stove that had emerged from his torso. (Space expanding charms indeed.) A toaster that had come from the side of his stomach was toasting bread. Four plates sat on one of the tables.

"Uncle Gadget?" Penny asked, more taken aback at the fact that he was actually cooking (and not completely burning anything) than anything else. "What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast, Penny," he responded cheerfully. "One egg or two?"

"One, I guess, but…"

There was a groan from the corner of the lab and Penny turned to see Von Slickstein also pulling himself into a sitting position. "Oh… Christ," he moaned, holding his head, adjusting his glasses. "What happened last night?" He looked down to find Westwood sprawled unconscious across his lap. "What the-?!"

Westwood, still mostly asleep, reached out to smack his nose, knocking his glasses askew again. "Shh…" she muttered. "Snooze…"

"Professor Von Slickstein!" Gadget called cheerfully. "One egg or two?"

"Um…" Von Slickstein looked around wildly, like a mouse caught by a cat, trying to plan an escape.

"Uncle Gadget, are you feeling okay?" Penny asked.

"I'm feeling fine, Penny," the man assured. "Much better than I have been the past several years, actually. Like a sort of fog has lifted."

"Then…" Penny took a moment to process that before turning to Von Slickstein. "Did you operate on my uncle while you were drunk?!"

Von Slickstein proved that even very hungover people preserved their fight or flight instincts by slipping out from under Westwood and making a run for the door. "Ithinkthechiefiscallingformebye!"

His movements woke Westwood, who squawked as she hit the floor. "Son of a-!"

"Dr. Westwood…?" Penny asked dangerously.

Westwood blinked, registering where she was and what was going on. Her gaze moved from Penny to Gadget to what looked like a partially broken operating table. You didn't have to be a genius to put the pieces together.

Without a word, the woman staggered to her feet and sprinted after Von Slickstein.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Gadget," Penny said. "I had no idea they'd be operating last night. The last thing I recall was them still discussing the best ways to proceed…"

"That's perfectly fine, Penny," her uncle assured her. "Breakfast will be done in a minute, and then I think the two of us can have a long talk about your old habits of following me on missions… before they made you an agent."

Penny swallowed nervously.

-0-

So that's what I have, and there are no current plans to continue it. That being said, there are a few omakes I have...

Omakes:

Catchphrases:

"I need a catchphrase!" Harry announced.

"What?" Penny asked.

"Like Uncle Gadget," Harry explained. "He's always saying, 'I'm always on duty', or 'Wowzers!'. I need a catchphrase too!"

"Uh…" Penny tried to think of a way to explain this to the boy. "Harry, you don't need a catch phrase."

"But how can I become a world class secret agent without one?" Harry asked, eyes wide and confused.

"You just be very competent."

"But Uncle Gadget-"

"For all I love him, and for all he somehow gets his missions done, competent is not a word most would use to describe our uncle. So he gets a catchphrase to make up for it."

"Oh." Harry scratched his head. "But doesn't he have two catchphrases?"

"...Do the math."

"...Oh."

The New Professors:

"And I would like to welcome our newest professors, who, because they also have other jobs, will be joint teaching both Muggle Studies and a new elective called Science," Dumbledore announced, gesturing. "Professor Von Slickstein, who holds doctorates in cybernetics, biology, and mechanical engineering, Professor Penny, who despite her young age, holds doctorates in cybernetics, mechanical engineering, and computer sciences, Professor Brain, who holds doctorates in chemistry and literature, and Professor Gadget, who holds a doctorate in… what was it again?"

"Pyrotechnics, with an emphasis on exothermic reactions," Gadget proclaimed proudly.

Harry face palmed.

Bodyguards:

"Clearly, Harry needs someone to protect him, and none of us can be with him at all times," Penny went on.

"But Professor Penny, I don't believe the ministry can spare anyone, and all our staff is at least a busy as you," Dumbledore pointed out.

"I highly doubt that," Penny said dryly. "Regardless, it doesn't matter, as it just so happens I have a pair of highly dependable, highly ranked agents happy to take the job."

Dumbledore straightened. "You do?"

"Yes. May I introduce Fidget and Digit, the Gadgetinis?"

From behind her stepped a pair of small robots, one blue and one orange. They saluted, and the blue one spoke.

"Privates Fidget and Digit reporting for duty, sir!"

"Robots?" Dumbledore asked, surprised.

"Specially designed to not break down around magic, sir!" the blue one added.

"Don't let their size fool you," Penny said with a grin. "The Gadgetinis are highly competent agents, specially designed to keep up with people with cybernetic implants. They've travelled the globe and saved the world as we know it more than once."

"I think that's the nicest thing she's ever said about us," the orange one whispered to the blue one.

"We'll be happy to follow and protect Agent Harry, sir!" the blue one said, ignoring the orange one.

"Well, perhaps they would be a welcome protection," Dumbledore allowed. "Very well. Welcome to Hogwarts, Privates Fidget, Digit. No doubt Professor Penny will show you to your room."

"We don't have to use the fireplaces to get there, do we?" the orange one asked nervously as they walked away. "I still can't feel my stomach!"

"You're a robot," the blue one said flatly. "You don't have a stomach."

"Oh… right."

The Games We Play:

Penny walked into the Great Hall to find both of the Weasley twins stripped to their underwear and hanging upside down from the ceiling. She took a moment to be impressed by the fact that who ever had done it had managed to tie the ropes to something, but she couldn't see what.

"Okay, what did you do?" she asked dryly.

Twin one shivered. "Well, we decided to play a game."

"What sort of game?" Penny asked.

"We were considering having a snowball fight, or hide and go seek," Twin two said. "And then Harry suggested tag."

"...Oh no," Penny realized.

"Well, because we're older than Harry, Ron, and Hermione, we figured that we'd make it no holds barred," Twin one admitted. "And, well…"

"We should have known something was up with how quickly Harry agreed," Twin two sighed.

"Yes, Harry's rather a fan of tag," Penny agreed. "He gets it from Uncle Gadget. I swear to God, I've never seen a more rabid tag player."

The twins exchanged a glance.

"...That would explain some things," Twin two commented.

There was the sound of an explosion outside.

"...They're shooting missiles at each other again, aren't they," Penny said. It was not a question.

The twins answered anyways. "Probably."

Competent!Gadget:

(If Gadget were competent, right after Penny's accident.)

"Oh, pardon me," Gadget chuckled, tripping over the door frame as he entered the store. "Can't ever seem to keep track of my feet these days."

"Oh, that's fine," the store "owner" assured with a dark grin. "Happens to everyone."

"Right, now you own this fine establishment, correct?" Gadget asked, his right hand sliding back into his sleeve to emerge with a pad of paper, and a hand popping from his hat with a pen in it, ready to take notes. "Seen anything suspicious lately?"

"Uh, you'll have to be more specific than that," the "owner" stalled, scratching his head.

Gadget leaned in close. "My name is Inspector Gadget, and I'm on a top secret mission to find MAD agents in the area. Well, that's what I'm supposed to be doing anyways. But do you know what? I'm not just looking for any MAD agent."

"What?" the man asked, confused.

"See, I have this niece," Gadget blathered on. "She's really sweet. Likes to follow me on my missions, make sure everything turns out alright. She doesn't know I know she follows me, but I think she learns more following me than she ever would in school. Experience is a wonderful teacher, you know? Only some stupid agent caused a rockslide on the last mission and put my little girl in the hospital. Lost her arm. They're going to have to replace it."

"I-is that so?" the man asked, thinking hard. It was a good thing everyone knew Gadget was completely oblivious and that he had already decided to confide in him (meaning he was in the clear). Perhaps he could turn him onto that rival he was supposed to dispose of?

"Oh, yes. Of course, you'd already know everything about that, wouldn't you?"

Before the man could move, a pair of steel arms had sprung from the usually clumsy inspector, pinning him harshly to the wall. The pen and pad had disappeared, and Gadget's eyes were unusually dark as studied the man. "Seeing as how you were the one to cause it."

"I-I'm sorry!" the agent cried. "I didn't mean to! Please, I won't do it again!"

"No," Gadget agreed, as his left hand was replaced with a large, sharp knife. "You won't."

He was usually happy to arrest the men, threatening and buffoonish as they were. But this one had hurt his Penny. And that never stood.

Heh heh heh… This amused me far more than it probably should have.

Until next time!