This follows up the last chapter (Misery)

Let go of the fear
Let go of the doubt
Let go of the ones
Who to try to put you down
You're gonna be fine
Don't hold it inside
If you hurt right now
Then let it all come out

-Ryan Star (Breathe)

She let go of the breath she had been holding, trying to push the fear and doubt out of her mind as she pulled open the doors to his building. She smiled at the doorman as she walked in.

"Evening, Lieutenant Benson. I'm sorry but I haven't seen Mr. Barba come in yet." She looked at her watch. It had been three hours since he walked out of her office for his date. She felt her stomach turn a bit. Three hours. That means the date… she pressed her lips together. Oh God.

She looked at him, trying to keep her face neutral. "Is it ok if I just wait over there?" she asked, pointing at the bench in the small alcove in the lobby.

"Of course. Did you want me to try to call him?" She shook her head quickly. She just held up her hand and walked over to the bench, trying her best not to collapse on to it. She dropped her head into her hands, closing her eyes. But all she could see was him. And his date. Three hours. Laughing. Sitting close together, sharing drinks and stories. Kissing. Oh Lord, the idea of that made her want to throw up. She was going to kill Carisi tomorrow. She was fine. Denial was her best friend. But then he made her start to think… things. He was totally going to dumpster dive on the next case they had. She would make sure of it. She shook her head in her hands, glancing at her watch quickly. 5 more minutes. She wasn't going to be pathetic. She would only wait 5 more minutes and then she was leaving and forgetting all of this. Lord knows she did not want to be sitting here if…

"Liv?" She stopped breathing, afraid to look up, afraid of what she would see if she did. "Liv" he said again. "You ok?" She finally exhaled, looking up at him. She glanced around quickly.

"You're alone" she stated.

"Yeah? Liv, what are you doing here?" She stood up, finding them closer together than they normally stood. She could see the 5 o'clock shadow on his face and the flecks of gold in his green eyes. She had to do this.

"Can we go upstairs?" she asked quietly. He nodded and motioned for her to head for the elevator. The doorman nodded at the two of them and they entered the elevator, Olivia thanking God they were alone. The doors closed and she felt his eyes on her. He didn't say anything, but he watched her the entire way up to his floor. It felt like an eternity before the elevator dinged on his floor. She followed him down the hall and into his apartment. She paced around, wringing her hands together, not being real sure where to start.

"Ok. You look like you need a minute. I'm going to go change. You know where the drinks are." She found herself alone, surrounded by him. His style, his possessions, his life. She looked hard as she slowly walked to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses like it was second nature. She stopped, staring at the glasses in her hands. She had been so foolish. Too guarded. What was she doing here? She should let him be happy.

"I can tell you where I got those if you like them so much" he said, standing near her. She looked up from her staring contest with the glasses to see him in a t-shirt and track pants. That sight of him so casual nearly undid her.

He took the glasses out of her hands and put them down. "Liv, you are starting to freak me out a little. What's going on?" She watched as he pulled the scotch down form the shelf and poured two glasses. She grabbed her glass, taking a long drink before heading back out to the living room, pacing again. She heard him sigh and sit down on the couch, sipping his drink and just staring at her.

"Can you please stop staring at me?" she finally growled out. He sighed again, placing his glass on the table and leaning back, resting on arm across the back of his couch.

"And what should I be doing instead?" She turned on her heel and stared at him. She wanted to throw her glass at him. Here she was, a ball of stress and fear and he was sitting there, relaxed. Of course he was. He had a date tonight.

"How was your date?" she asked.

"Fine, I guess."

"Was she nice?"

"Sure."

"Smart? Funny? Young?"

"Somewhat. Not really. And I didn't check her ID." She narrowed her eyes at him as he gave her one of his signature half smiles. "Liv, what's going on? What are you doing here?" She set her glass down, grasping her hands together again.

"Truth?"

"That would be my preference, yes."

"The truth is I'm not sure. Carisi came in to my office after you left and… he just started talking and I told him he was way off base but he just kept insisting and just staring at me in that way that he has and I kept telling him no and that he was wrong but…"

"Wrong about what?"

She shook her head. "I shouldn't be here. You deserve nice dates with beautiful women who make you happy. You should be happy. I shouldn't…"

"Will you please stop!?"

She met his eyes. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. They were locked in, the two of them. "Liv. Answer the question. What did you think Carisi was wrong about?"

"He asked me if I was jealous." She watched him freeze for a second, processing what she had just said.

"Of what?" he said quietly.

"Your date. You. Having a date. With this young, beautiful, successful teacher of the year. And he was right. I was. I am. Jealous. I guess. Of her." She snapped her lips shut as that all fell out of her mouth. They just stared at each other. Neither able to move. She could see him processing all of that as quickly as he could.

"So… jealous?" She could only nod her head. "Of my date." She nodded again. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Come sit by me please" he said. She slowly walked over, sitting on the edge of the couch next to him, feeling like she was ready to bolt in a moment's notice. And he could tell.

"Liv, I need you to relax. Breathe please." She exhaled and fell back against the couch, looking at him. She watched him close his eyes and lean back, mimicking her position. He rolled his head over to look at her and she did the same.

"First, let me do this. My date was fine. It was nice to be out and not talk about work, but I was bored about a half hour in. She was sweet, pretty, mostly intelligent. But nothing about her struck me in anyway. We ate dinner, had a drink and then I bid her goodnight."

"Three hours."

"What?" he asked, scrunching his eyes together in confusion.

"You let my office three hours before you walked in here."

He smiled. "I actually went back to find you. Went to see if you were still working. But the desk clerk in the lobby said you had left, so I went to the office to grab a few files and came here. I was going to change and then call you to see what you were doing. Cause the thing about the date… I found myself wondering what you were doing while she was talking to me. I didn't want to be there."

"Where did you want to be?"

"Right here. With you." She felt the stupid smile work its way across her face and she didn't even care.

"Oh" is all she could say. With the way he was running his eyes over her face, the power of speech had escaped her.

He shifted closer. "Here's the thing. I think I'm going to kiss you now. If you don't want…" But he didn't get to finish that statement. She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck and yanked him to her, pressing her lips to his. From there, they threw caution to the wind. Before she knew it, she was lying on top of him, his hands running over her lower back, his lips working his way up and down her neck to her lips and down again. She pushed herself up, straddling his lap, feeling the effect she was having on him. She may have rolled her hips a bit, just to get a reaction and when he moaned loudly, she knew she was done. He pushed himself up, pulling her flush to his chest.

"Stay" he whispered in her ear.

"Rafael, I may never leave."

"Fine by me" he replied, pushing her off his lap, standing up and dragging her into his bedroom.

A/N: And with that, I'm out for a week and a half. I'll have some internet and I swear if I don't find a exotic Belize locale to write Barson in to, I will feel the trip is a bust! =) You all be good while I'm gone.