15

Owen alone in the back seat. Reading his beloved Garfield book. The two grups standing by the car. Ianto looks a little anxious "You really didn't have to come, you know. I'd have brought them straight t..."

Gwen staring at something "Who in the world is he?"

See now, across the way. A gorgeous BOY, dressed cool, stands holding an expensive bike. And chatting happily with Toshiko. In the distance, other kids pretend they aren't watching. "Looks nice enough to m..."

"He looks familiar." Gwen frowns "Did he do a Calvin Klein ad?"

Across the way, the boy leans, kisses Toshiko sweetly on the cheek. Waves to her. Peddles off. In distance, kids are dying.

Toshiko pretends not to know that. Just walks casually toward them, but as she approaches, she can't help breaking into a RUN, straight..into IANTO'S ARMS. She is breathless "It workeditworkeditworked! Omigod, you can't believe the look on his face!"

SQUEEZING Ianto tight enough to crush his bones. And although Ianto hugs back, although he kisses Toshiko's hair...His eyes are locked to Gwen's.

Houston. We have a problem.

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..

Ianto alone by the weathered redwood swing and slide set. He is pacing in a circle, looking like a kid waiting to see the principal. Sucking his cigarette like smoke was oxygen. He picks a bottle of beer off the grass. Twists the top. Settles awkwardly on the seat of the taller swing.

Hears the screen door open. Bang shut. Ianto takes a sip. Before he looks up.

Gwen speaks low, calm "Now we're going to have a fight, you and I."

Ianto reply is barely audible "Are we."

"And I'm going to win." Gwen sniffs.

Ianto looks straight into her eyes "Don't be too sure."

No anger in Gwen at this moment. The ferocity of that mother lion. The strongest face we'll ever see. "Now, 'limp dick', I know. What. Is 'snowballing'?"

"It doesn't matter, I didn't tell h..."

"Because there'll be, oh, 20 or 30 mothers phoning me in the next hour or so." Gwen snarls "And they'll b..."

Give 'em my number." Ianto snorts.

Gwen on the prowl around this swing. Stalking her prey. "Actually. They'll want Toshiko's mother."

"Is that what you're worried about?" Ianto laughs softly "Looking bad at the PTA?"

'You are defending what you did?"

"Right down to the ground. Let's get to it." Ianto stands and faces her like they are about to fist fight or something.

Not quite what Gwen expected. "You put filth in my child's mouth."

"Aw." Ianto does an exaggerated pout.

"You had her lie about that...that fancy-boy model!"

"Worked. Like a charm." Ianto grins.

Gwen cannot even believe this.

"She was beaten, and bloodied, and it was going to go on, unti..."

"So you became the hero. And I became the schmuck." Gwen snarls. Straightening her spine "You taught my child that I am some limp dick loser. Who didn't care about her pain."

"That's not wh..."

"You think I didn't have some dirty words for that little putz? You think I couldn't figure out some low blows?" Gwen is roaring now, spittle flying as Ianto smiles.

"You weren't passing 'em out."

"Well, maybe your version of growing up is 'Just win, baby'." Stalking. Closer. Fierce. Right there. At the swing. In his face. "Mine. Is a little different. See, in that crisis, I saw an opportunity. For some real growth."

"Oh please. Shut the fuck up. I didn't go behind your back." That one scored. Ianto sips his beer.

"Doing the right thing. Knowing who you are, inside. Not caving to peer pressure, or lowering yourself to that level, steering your own course..." Gwen is still ranting as Ianto rolls his eyes.

"She wasn't steering her own course, she was steering yours." Ianto barks.

"Well, that's what parenting is about, little boy. They are pleading to know how they are supposed to do it." Gwen flaps her arms "And you sure as hell showed her."

Silence.

"And there will come another moment." Gwen says softly now, sadly "When the stakes are really there. And she will look back on this. And remember how good it felt. How easy it was."

"And she'll fight back again. God help me, what have I done." Ianto's voice drips with sarcasm.

Gwen's voice drops. The softness makes it somehow more menacing "You've turned her into you. And I may not get another chance. To turn her back."

"That's what it is. And that's all it is." Ianto is suddenly fierce. The hand with its cigarette stabs out "You won't get the chance."

You've got a point there, for a change. Oh, yes you do." HER finger stabbing out. Gwen back on her heels. Thinking. A mile a minute. "You didn't have to jump through hoops to get that woman to give you a little girl of your own. Then find a miracle happened. You didn't get morning sickness for seven months, you didn't breast feed spend every minute of every day thinking and planning and knowing that your decisions were shaping the people they were going to be..."

And now Ianto. Has nothing to say. He sinks back onto the swing.

"You are gonna be taking Owen's training wheels off. You are the one my little girl will confess her first love to." Gwen sobs "You will see them married, you will play with their babies, you fucking PRICK, I hate your GUTS!"

The blast washes over Ianto. And in the silence "Now you're talking sense."

"All year long, I've been watching how you do this. The worries, the sacrifices, the signals you give them" he looks down at his beer.

Thinks. Really thinks. Wants so much to say this right. "And I admire you. More than you'll ever believe. And yet...this...thing...has been growing. Inside me. "

Looks up. Straight to her eyes. "For better or worse. I'm not you."

And so he stands up. The swing shimmies in his wake. "I can't live my life channelling the One True Mom after you're gone. I can't do it. I can't do it. I. can't. Do. it."

Sets the beer down. Stabs out his smoke. "We have to deal with that."

And walks off, slowly. Across the yard.

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Huge indoor space. Wood-sided walls, dirt floor. High corrugated metal roof, with birds flying, roosting in rafters. A little girl, under the keen eye of her trainer, puts her mount through its paces. In the cold air, steam rises from the horse's body. It's late, no one else around. Move now...down a walkway. Toward the stables. A barn cat is crouched, stalking prey.

See the horse, still steaming. Standing patiently.

Circling the horse now, we see Toshiko's back. She is slowly brushing out the sweat mark. Where the saddle used to be. Her movements are stiff, mechanical.

Toshiko's face...

The tears that stand in her eyes. The set line of her small mouth.

She swallows. Because she will not cry.

We hear a soft voice, speaking as she goes over the conversation she had before coming out to train. One we know... We hear a soft voice, speaking. One we know... See him now. Standing awkwardly, against the side of a stall.

"It was like telling her... ...that I didn't love her anymore...if I could be sure I'd always stay. She said, 'This thing you call a partnership. The schedules, the chores, all the things we have to work out...'" Jack's voice softer now "'...for the kids.' '...that's the life I dreamed of. And it's all I ever wanted it to be.' That's the kind of person your mom is. She's the best."

Toshiko says nothing. She drops to her knees. Begins to clean out one of her horse's hooves with a metal pick. The only sound against the stillness.

And her father watches. His heart pounding. "I complained a lot, baby. We couldn't travel, we'd lost our privacy, our chance to do things on the spur of the moment. To live for...ourselves. The way we'd started out."

He goes to her. The sound of his feet on the straw. "And she said. Sounds like you'd be happier. If the kids weren't around."

Crouches down. Very close to his child. "I said. I love them more than anything. But sometimes... I do miss what I've lost."

Toshiko stops working. Turns her face away.

"She said she could never feel that way, not for one single second." So he leans closer. "She didn't want to be with someone. Who could."

Silence. He's staring at the back of her head. "You know, this horse smells really bad."

"There's worse things." She finally speaks.

At least she can talk. If only just above a whisper.

"Do you know why I never told you all this before?"

A beat. She doesn't look at him. "Sure. You wanted me to blame her. Instead of you."

Waiting to hear...

Jack very softly whispers "That's right."

She hears honesty. And heartbreak. It makes her turn... "How come you're telling me now?"

He gets lost. Looking in those eyes. "I don't want to be wrong anymore. I don't. I want to say I'm sorry, because I am. And let you hate me. If you have to."

She swallows hard. Her eyes moving over his face.

"See that feeling?" he smiles sadly "Where you feel two different things at once? That's a grown-up thing. It's not a lot of fun."

She shakes her head very slightly. And her eyes water.

"Know why your mom never told you?"

She doesn't.

"She knew that you and her were so...solid. Nothing could rock that. But she didn't want to risk..." The hardest thing. He's ever had to say... "Your hating me."

"Cos she loves you."

"Cos she loves you. She wanted you to have a daddy to love. Even if he didn't...completely...deserve it." Now the tears in his eyes. And she's watching that. "You know how much love that is? That she has for you."

"Do you."

"There's going to come a moment. When she'll really need you to give that back. And you're just the girl that can do it. "

The way he says this. Makes her ask "How do I know when?"

"That moment will come. And your heart is going to whisper, 'here it is'" He reaches. First time. Strokes her hair. Winds his fingers. Around her hand. "And you'll come through."

She stares in his eyes. And dead straight. "If I miss it, daddy? You clue me in."

"Okay,"

He nods.

"That's a plan."