You all, this one about made me cry. I've never actually mourned the loss of a character before and I haven't even watched it as of the publishing of this chapter. I might be a hot mess when I get to it this afternoon. So for me, Barba totally took precautions in case he was found guilty. This and then listening to this song while I drove around yesterday. The line "you and I will be a tough act to follow" to me screams Barson like nobody's business. I've legit got three different documents going right now. Keep Barson alive friends. I have faith we will get a second act to them.

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

-Daughtry (No Surprise)

She just stared at Hogan Place from the sidewalk. It was freezing. She was getting dirty looks and under breath remarks from people who had to walk around her. She didn't care. She wanted to scream at them – did they not understand that walking into that building this morning felt like an ultimate betrayal of him? That she should be sitting out here in protest, railing to McCoy and Stone and any ADA that walked out of the building that they forced out the greatest man that would ever work in that building?

"Liv" Fin said quietly beside her. "Liv, I can do this one by myself if you want."

She had avoided the place as best she could for almost two weeks. Those steps where so many things had transpired between them. The first place she saw him do his Barba thing after saving Jocelyn and the last place she saw him as tears ran down his face as he walked away from this life. She couldn't stomach the place. She had managed to send Fin and Carisi and Rollins and even once Carmen brought her the paperwork she needed. They had shared a commiserating look and some tears that day. But Dodds had all but commanded her to go there today and deal with Peter Stone face to face. She bit her tongue to keep from telling him to shove it up his ass. The retirement papers had been sitting in her desk for a week and she almost dropped them off this morning in lieu of facing Peter Stone.

She squared her shoulders. This was probably a giant mistake. "It's OK, Fin. Let's go."

It wasn't a giant mistake. It was a mistake of colossal proportions. He hadn't even moved the desk. Walking in to that office, seeing it all set up like normal but instead of Barba's compassionate, humorous green eyes, she was stuck with the judgmental hazel eyes of Peter Stone. She couldn't breathe.

"Lieutenant Benson, I know you are used to having things done a certain way and I'm just trying to catch up here, but you need to understand that…"

"I don't understand shit" she whispered under her breath. She felt Fin grab her arm. "Go get some air, Liv. I'll handle this." She just nodded.

"You can't keep avoiding me, Lieutenant. We've got to work together!" Stone yelled after her as she walked out of the office. She threw the door closed and collapsed into one of the visitors' chairs in front of Carmen's empty desk.

"I struggle to go in there to. I keep asking him if he wants me to get janitorial up here to move stuff around but he keeps telling me there's more important things to do than redecorate his office right now" Carmen said from behind her. Liv turned and watched the younger woman walked around to behind her desk.

"If I knew where he was, I would have followed him" Carmen said, shaking her head.

"Me too" Liv whispered, leaning back and closing her eyes. She heard Carmen rooting around in her desk. "I found this when I was cleaning up some stuff last week. It was buried in the bottom of this drawer I never get in." Olivia opened her eyes to see her holding out an envelope to her. She grabbed it and stopped breathing when she saw her name written in his handwriting.

Olivia ripped it open, being hopeful and scared all at the same time.

Liv,

The truth is I never intended to be here that long. This was a stopping point. A favor to Steve Harris. A rung in my ladder. But then there was you. I hope I managed to find some beautiful, graceful words. You deserve that much if we managed to say goodbye without me in handcuffs behind bars. The fact that I managed the last 5 years here is a testament to you – to your faith and your belief and your beautiful mind. If I managed to get out of this, then know me leaving has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you. You are the greatest surprise of my life. I will never find anyone like you again in my life – professionally or personally. I'm not sure when I will be back. I've got some work to do on me. But once I am who I want to be, I will do my best to get back to you. And if you are still there, then know that will mean the world to me. But live your life. Be the greatest mom in the world. Be the most amazing officer NYPD will ever see. Be someone Peter Stone is afraid to screw with. Be you.

Yours forever,

Rafa

She didn't care about the tears running down her face.

"Yeah" Carmen muttered, tears in her eyes too. "He left me one too. Basically, begging me not to leave so that I'm here for you all for a while. I'm going to assume yours was a little more personal than that." Olivia could only nod, words eluding her.

"Lieutenant Benson, for what it's worth, that man loves you something fierce. He has for a long time. Maybe I should have said something weeks ago. Maybe this could have been avoided if I had. But whatever he wrote you he meant."

Olivia nodded, staring at the letter in her hands, knowing that it would be no surprise that this was something she would treasure while he was gone and something she would respond to the moment he allowed her. There would be a second act for them. She knew this wasn't the end.