This is in the same universe as the No Surprise chapter. Cause every song is hitting me in the Barson feels right now.

I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
'cause for us there is no end
All you gotta do is have a little faith

-Mandy Moore (Have a Little Faith in Me)

He sat, looking out the window of the rented apartment, just staring. Thinking. What else did he have to do?

The first few weeks alone had been rough. Between the bouts of anger and sadness, he spent a lot of time drinking. The phone had rung for a few days but then people must have gotten the message.

But it became too much loneliness. He discovered that being alone with his thoughts was a really bad thing. So, he made one phone call.

He sighed as a hand ran across his shoulders and she sat down across from him. Those eyes that forgave him. Those eyes that always loved him.

"You want some coffee?" he asked.

"I'll get some in a minute, mijo" Lucia replied. She had been surprised to get the call. They had a bad fight when he told her what he had done. She felt guilty, now, that she stayed away from the trial. She cried for hours when she found out he had been found not guilty. She thanked God for not taking her son away from her. But then he fell off the planet. No calls. No texts. No emails. Until yesterday morning, when he called, asking her to come stay with him. She dropped everything and flew to him late last night.

He sighed, leaning back in his chair. "You sleep alright, mom?"

"It was quiet. Must take some getting used to." He just nodded, looking out the window. "But yeah, I slept fine. Are you hungry? I can make some food." In just eight weeks, she could see that her son had lost some weight. Tired eyes, a half smile, slumped shoulders. She can't remember a time when she had seen him like this. Like the world had beaten him.

"Maybe later. I hope me leaving didn't cause you too much problem, mom." The press coverage had been relentless. He knew leaving without telling anyone probably made life worse for his mother, Dworkin… and her. He knew the New York press. If they couldn't find him, they would find those who knew him.

"It's fine. I told you, a lovely officer came and helped me out one day and that was the end of that."

"I'm sorry mom."

"I know, Rafi. I know." She sighed, pushing herself out of the chair and walking over to where she had put her purse down last night. He watched her pull out a small white envelope. She walked back over to him and sat down, placing the envelope in front of him. He paused when he saw his name written in her handwriting.

"How…" he whispered.

Lucia sighed. "Look. It wasn't just some random officer. The press was sitting outside school the day after the verdict. You were gone and… I just didn't know what to do. I called the precinct and… Olivia came out. I thought she would just send someone. But she came herself. Threatened everyone and their mom about what would happen if they ever set foot on school property again. I thanked her with lunch. It has become a regular thing. Wednesday lunches with Olivia. Sunday brunch with Olivia and Noah."

He was frozen. Shocked. "How is she?"

Lucia shrugged, looking out the window. "She's ok. She's pouring herself into work and Noah. I asked her about a personal life and she shut me down." He felt happy and sad all at the same time.

"She misses you, Rafa." He opened his mouth but she held up her hand. "No. She hasn't said anything. I tried to talk about you once but she shut down. You are the elephant in the room we never speak of. But I know she misses you."

She motioned to the envelope. "I told her I was going to be seeing you a couple of weeks ago. She brought me this the last time we had lunch. She never asked me where you were. She just asked me to deliver this." She slid it closer to him. "I'm going to take a shower then you are eating something and we are getting out of this place today. Understood?" She didn't wait for his reply. She got out of her chair, leaving him alone with a piece of Olivia Benson.

He stared at it for a minute, so scared of what was in there, what she was thinking and feeling. When it became too much, he ripped the envelope open.

Rafa,

I miss you.

I wanted to get that out of the way. I miss you every day and in ways I couldn't even admit to myself till you were gone. I hope you are finding the peace and healing that you need. Carmen gave me your letter. You have always been the greatest man I have ever known. My faith in you is unwavering. I hope you can find your faith in yourself again. Because the truth is, you have to come back. Not to the job. I don't ever want you to do that again, honestly. You are so much more than the law now. You deserve to use your gifts and passion how you see fit, not how someone else tells you to use it. You have to come back to me. I won't write those words here. I want to say them to your face and watch your eyes as I do. This is just a break, I know that deep down in my heart. My faith in a lot of things has wavered over the years, but not in that fact – we get a second act. Me and you, on our terms. So, find your passion. Find you. And then you come back to me and to Noah. Sooner rather than later, but know, we will both be waiting. Never question that. I will be here when you come back.

I mean it. Don't move on from me. Because I can't move on from you.

Yours,

Liv

And for the first time in eight weeks, he let the tears fall freely. He would carry those last seven words in his heart until he felt ready to go back to her. To be the man she needed him to be. To be the man he felt she deserved.

Lucia watched her son from the small kitchen, crying and feeling. Part of her wanted to go him, like she did when he was a kid and hurting, but she didn't. He needed to do this on his own. She knew that now. When he seemed to have calmed a bit, she finally spoke.

"Eggs and bacon?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Just eggs. But I think I'm going to go for a run first." She nodded. "OK. I can wait till you get back." She saw a resolve suddenly form in him. A resolve she feared was gone for good. He walked past her, giving her a quick hug. "And do me a favor? Dump the scotch." Lucia nodded at her son's retreating form. She smiled to herself, pouring a cup of coffee. Olivia would be the reason her son found his purpose. She knew it all those years ago when they met in the courthouse and that faith had never wavered.