I think I saw you on the subway
Riding my way home from work
Probably got yourself a new boyfriend
Honestly, I can't be sure
Oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why am I stuck on you?
I guess it's gonna take me longer than I thought to get over you
I would have liked to hit the ground running but I fell into you
Wanted to call you but now it's overdue
-Loote f/ Joe Jonas (Longer Than I Thought)

Headphones in, even though he wasn't listening to anything. Face in his phone. Like everyone else on the train right now headed out of downtown DC and home for the evening. For him, that meant that lonely apartment with nothing in front of him but books and Netflix. He knew he should take the train up to New York to see his mom but he just couldn't think about doing that yet.

The familiar sounding laughter shot his head up. He looked up and down the train until he saw a cascade of brown hair and a familiar looking black jacket. He froze, thinking there was no way, but then again maybe there was… and then the woman turned her head, catching his eye for a moment and he could breathe again. She smiled at him and he just looked back to his phone, trying not to react, not think about her.

Cold turkey had been hard, but he decided it was for the best. No calls. No emails. He even stayed away from news out of New York. He told his new bosses that he would work for their advocacy group, but they couldn't ask him to do a few things. He had heard rumblings of trips to SVU and to conferences and what-not, but he always stayed away. Hoping his distance would heal himself and maybe the pain he had caused those around him. He's not sure he was winning, but he was trying and doing what he thought was best.

He walked in to see people glued to their computer screens and phones and a few to the tv in the corner.

"What's going on?" he asked one of the interns. The kid froze and Rafael glanced up to see the familiar New York skyline above the breaking news scroll. He looked back at the kid who had wide eyes and looked scared to death. Apparently his no New York policy was a badly kept secret.

He dropped his bag on the desk. "It's fine. I won't bite."

The kid cleared his throat. "Well… there was a big shoot-out between some Mexican cartel and the NYPD and a DA's sister got caught in the crossfire and died."

Rafael whipped his head up in time to see a video of Peter Stone being escorted away from some warehouse by an officer in a police vest. The angle was wrong to catch the face, but he didn't need to. It was Olivia. He couldn't breathe as he sat down, immediately firing up his computer to find everything he could on what had happened. He spent the day digesting not just that event, but everything else he could find about what had been happening since he left. It consumed his day. But at midnight, he stopped. He needed to stop. He only gave himself that one day. He had to try again. For his sake and hers.

The summer dragged on and the heatwave that had taken the majority of the country by storm didn't seem to be stopping any time soon. It was days like this, where it was 95 in the shade with the crazy south humidity, that he was glad hotels and convention centers were attached. No need to ever walk outside.

He grumbled as he walked inside to check in. The only reason he had even agreed to attend… well, it was because he had too. So many training hours and expectations and what-not. He had relented, but only because this was one of the few conferences not held in New York. Hence the awful southern heat of Atlanta.

He stood in line, wanting nothing more than a shower and some room service when he heard her name from somewhere behind him.

He quickly glanced around and thought maybe he had heard wrong when a movement of someone walking up the stairs to the ballrooms caught his eye.

There was no mistake. Olivia Benson, standing there, the small crowd in the lobby murmuring her name and what-not. He froze, glancing quickly at the check-in desk. He hoped he could get checked in and out of here before she saw him.

But, then he felt that familiar tingle that he hadn't felt in quite some time. He looked back to where she had been standing to find her staring right back at him.

"I can help who's next" he heard from in front of him. He tore his eyes from her, trying to blow through check in as quickly as possible, not once glancing back to where he had seen her standing, even though he could feel her gaze on him until he was no longer in her line of sight.

He knew he should sleep. The conference started early and he needed to keep his wits about him if he was going to successfully avoid Olivia for the next three days. He thought he had a solid plan until a soft knock on his hotel door blew it all to hell.

He froze. He knew it was her and he didn't want it to be. If she was there, at his door, it was going to be that much harder to start over the next day. And he needed to. But that knock continued until he knew he had to answer the door.

"I don't even want to know how you got my room number" he said, not really looking at her, but right over her head.

"Can I come in?" she asked softly.

"I was getting ready to go to bed." He replied, but she scoffed at him and then he remembered he was still in his dress pants and shirt. Pretty sure his shoes were still on.

Olivia pushed past him, moving to stand by the window he had just been looking out of.

"I thought you might at least come say hi or something, Rafael." He just shook his head, leaning against the wall by the door, looking at his feet.

"Damn, Rafa. After everything… the least you could do is actually look at me!" He shook his head again.

"I can't" he choked out.

"Why not!?"

He sighed. He didn't want to do this. He wanted to remain stoic. He heard her move over to him and suddenly her shoes came into his view.

"Why can't you look at me?"

"I just can't."

"Liv. I just can't… Liv. What? So now on top of not even being able to look at me, you can't even say my name? What did I do that was so wrong? It's not like I tucked my tail and ran out of New York, ignoring everyone who cared about me."

He shrugged. "I'm trying to move on, like I said."

"And how is that going?"

"Amazingly well, thanks for asking."

He thought maybe that would piss her off and sending her storming out of his room. He hoped it would. That would make things easier. But it didn't. She grabbed his face with her hands.

He had no choice. She was so close and the warmth of her hands on his face broke something loose in him he had buried that day he walked away from her on the streets of New York City. And the worst part was that she could see it too.

He finally met her gaze. Her warm brown eyes stared at him and he knew he was done. Why he ever thought he could get over her, he would never know.

"Hi" she whispered. "So, let me ask you again. How is that moving on thing going?"

He couldn't answer. And she realized this.

"Well, let me tell you. For me, it's not going so well. Every time I walk into that office through the door that says Peter Stone and not Rafael Barba, it's like I'm being punched in the stomach. To not have you to meet for drinks or to have dinner with… it sucks. There is no other way to say it. I hate it. I hate that I miss you so much, Rafa. Because I do."

It was the unshed tears in her eyes that did him in.

"I'm just trying to get over you, Liv."

"Please don't. I'm begging you. Stop trying." And with that, she pulled his face to hers, pressing her lips roughly against his, trying to convey her absolute desperation for him to stop fighting against them.

For a moment, he thought about continuing the fight. But then she ran her hands up into his hair, pressing her body fully against his and he knew there was no point. Because as he gave in to the kiss, he found that the battle to get over her was futile. And as she pulled him down on top of her on his bed, he was trying to figure out why he had started that battle in the first place.