Graham had called James that night to congratulate him on the win and to tell him of his trip. James relayed the message to Emma the following morning, which turned into them spending that morning chatting about the AT trail, things they wanted to see, places they wanted to explore. James talked about his after school activity with Henry, and how he was getting to like David Nolan more and more.
"If you don't mind me asking, and if you do please just tell me to sod off, but what was it like? Having Henry in prison? Did they give you the care you needed?"
Emma's smile was rueful, "I was handcuffed to a bed. I was taken to a hospital yes, but I was handcuffed to a bed. When it was over they had to bandage my wrists because I ended up cutting them in the cuffs."
"Yes, I'm sure a pregnant and frightened teenager giving birth is a real threat."
She knew the safer option was to go along with his indignant reaction, but it had been a long two days and she was tired. And a little sad. Emma ended up at the docks that morning, quietly counting the waves for comfort.
"I was seventeen. He's the reason I'm here, not just in Storybrooke, but in the US. I had a chance to leave everything…" She's been wanting to tell James this for some time, hoping that it might spark something in him.
Staring into the blue eyes that have haunted her for a decade she said, "There was a boy… he was everything I never thought I deserved."
"Is this about Killian, the boy you've told me about before?"
She smiled sadly, "Yeah. He wanted me to go with him, to somewhere I couldn't come back from. And I wanted to... but I knew that one day, my son would start looking for me and unlike my parents, I wanted him to be able to find me." Of course, that story has changed somewhat. It turned out, her parents needed her to find them. If she had gone with Killian then, would she have still made her way to Storybrooke? How much of her life was fate? How much of it was hers?
The confession slipped out of Emma naturally, as it always had with Killian, even under a curse. And she needed him to know, she needed Killian, even the cursed Killian before, to know that it wasn't because she didn't love him, but because she couldn't leave her son.
"If this boy was so important to you, weren't you important to him? Why didn't Killian stay?" Emma didn't know what she expected James reaction to be to the thought of Killian leaving her, but the low tone of heartbreak wasn't it. He looked like a person who knew the ending of the story, but pointlessly hoped it would be different this time. And on some level, Emma supposed, James did know the ending. It was him, after all.
"We never talked about how we felt about each other, but I knew it was there, buzzing between us."
It was actually confirmed between them, but that's a story Emma would rather not relive.
"I would be lying if I said it didn't scare me and maybe that was part of my motivation. Plus, he was looking for his brother, Liam, and staying with me meant never seeing him again. They were each other's world, and me? I was nothing. I couldn't let him stay for nothing. I couldn't put him through that."
If he had stayed, would Liam still be alive? Would Liam have ended up safely in this world searching for his brother instead of on the shore of the cursed Neverland?
"And he left?"
"And he left."
"Did you love him?"
"I did."
"Did he love you?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"But you let him go for Henry. Does he know, does Henry know?"
"He knows enough, I made sure he knew that I never forgot about him."
She was tired of the conversation and sad from the topic. Emma felt her old heartache suffocating her, along with fresh grief for the friendship she lost ten years ago, as she recounted her reason for letting love walk away to the very man himself.
And that was the worst part: telling Killian the truth even though he wasn't really here to hear it. He was locked away behind fake memories. Instead, she was confessing to a man who could only feel the echoes of his heart.
Emma hoped all this pain would be worth it.
If it awoke something in him it would be.
James wanted to say something, she could see. His hand floated in the air, halfway to his nervous tick and halfway to offering comfort.
But Emma didn't want comfort from James.
She turned away, back to her desk before he could make a move and began fiddling with the ship Gold had given her. After looking at it closely for a while, suspicions rose in Emma that it was actually the Jolly Roger and upon comparison to the pictures in the book, she was at least certain that it was miniature copy, if not a cursed shrunken ship. So she brought it to the station in hopes that it would strike something in Jones.
It had not.
James was still sitting there, halfway between nervous and comfort, when Regina walked in with a, "What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
"I hope paperwork," Emma responded, picking up and dropping a folder on her desk as she did so.
Regina took the folder and threw it across the room.
"With Graham. First he resigned as sheriff and now he's run off to god knows where! And you! None of this happened until you got here."
"I don't believe I know what you are talking about."
"Oh? So, nothing's ever happened between you two? You forget, Miss Swan–I have eyes everywhere." Emma thought that if she really did have eyes everywhere then Regina wouldn't be here right now. She probably realized that she had a missing heart in her vault, and was scared and uncertain about what happened.
So she came for Emma.
"You mean the kiss that meant nothing." And was a violation of Emma's personal space, but she didn't feel the need to tack that on since Regina seemed the type to turn it back on her.
"Well, of course not. Because you're incapable of feeling anything for anyone. There's a reason you're alone, isn't there? Able to move at the drop of a hat without any consequences? It's because it is impossible for anyone to want you, isn't it? Because you are nothing, and you feel nothing."
Emma wanted to bite back, to maybe even beat the shit out Regina in that moment. But if Regina saw that she got a rise out of her then she'd win this. Instead, Emma went for humor. Tilting her head, and tapping a pen against her chin she said, "Are you sure you were never in the military? I swear, if you'd've put 'magot' in that tirade of your's I'd've thought you were my drill sergeant back in '01." Pointing her pen at Regina she joked, "You know what? You even have the haircut."
Emma saw the punch coming.
She was up and out of her chair in no time, pinning Regina's arm behind her back before stepping away, hands raised along with an eyebrow that said 'you sure about that?'
James moved quickly to stand between them, telling the mayor to leave.
She did, spitting over James' shoulder that Emma wasn't worth the trouble.
Emma shrugged, "Probably not." Had she ever been worth it?
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, Regina didn't ruffle my feathers. You though, you did." She told him, poking him in the shoulder as she went back to her desk.
"What?"
"Yeah. You did the same thing Graham did when he was still sheriff. You'd remain quiet until the threat was out of the room, then act like a big dog. In reality, you're too chicken shit to stand up to the mayor when standing up really counts. If I hadn't pushed it, and you, would you have tried to even fight her for this office?"
He stood silent.
"That's what I thought. If you won't stand up for your beliefs or your friends Jones, what are you willing to do?"
She didn't wait for an answer, rather Emma returned to her desk to continue her paperwork. "Hey, will you pick up that folder Regina threw?" Was the only thing she said when she sat at her desk.
In silence James collected the papers, in silence he placed them on her desk, and in silence he sat for the rest of the day.
He didn't break it when Emma popped her head into his, formerly Graham's, office before leaving to tell him: "Oh, before I go. You know how I said Regina had a similar haircut to my drill sergeant? Well, I lied. My drill sergeant did not have that haircut and was not a woman." Giving a grin that could rival the cheshire cat she said, "Did it purely to get her goat." And with a mock salute and a, "Later, Jones." she walked out of the station.
Emma didn't have a chance to see the affect of her words the following day as she had to almost immediately respond to a shoplifting call at the Dark Star Pharmacy. She walked in to Henry and Regina walking out, "Henry? What happened?"
"Miss Swan, must I remind you that genetics mean nothing. You're not his mother and it's all taken care of."
"I'm here because I'm sheriff."
"Oh, that's right. Go on," Regina motioned at two children standing at the counter, "Do your job. Take care of those miscreants."
"I'll take care of the children, but uh, blood does mean something if the two people involved think it does." Regina made to reproach her and Emma cut her off while Henry smiled, "Have a good day kid." And dismissively she said, "You too, Madam Mayor," as she turned around. Emma heard the bell ring behind her as they left.
She ignored Mr. Clark in favor of the two children in front of her. They stared at her with hunger pained eyes Emma recognized all to well from staring at her own reflection when she was younger.
"Hi, my name is Emma. What's yours?"
Mr. Clark tried to answer, "There names are–"
"I didn't ask you."
The girl, the older of the two, answered then. "I'm Ava, this is my brother Nicholas."
"Hi Ava, Hi Nicholas. It's nice to meet you both. Do you guys want to get out of here?" They shook their heads 'yes' in unison. "Are you guys hungry?" They shook their heads 'no.' "Well, that's a shame because I am. I'll tell you what, I'll get you outta here but you gotta agree to eat with me at Granny's. You'll be doing me a huge favor. I can't eat by myself or I'll be so embarrassed, like I'm a freak or something. Can you do that for me?"
With the smallest of smiles their 'no' became a 'yes' and Emma radioed Jones that he needed to come take Mr. Clark's statement while she handled the perps.
"Ah Swan, did they give you some trouble? Should have called back up." He teased over the radio.
"No," she hissed, "they're starving children. I'm taking them to Granny's."
"Got it." Was the last message he sent before Emma corralled the kids in the car.
Turning around, she grinned at them. "Do you want me to run the siren? It'll be fun. You can intentionally watch me run a stop sign."
Ava's and Nicholas' small smiles turned into larger ones and then full on grins when Emma ran the stop sign with her sirens blaring.
"So," they were sitting across from her in the diner, their mouths full from the cheeseburger and fries that had been sitting in front of both of them, "siblings, right? Do you two want to tell me why you felt like you had to steal?" Silence permeated the booth. Emma took a long drink from her hot chocolate before setting it down. "Because when I was your age, which is about eleven if I had to guess, and I stole from convenience stores it was because I was starving and I didn't have an adult to take care of me. Now, were I to come across kids who are in a similar situation to what I had gone through I'd want to help them. You two catch my drift?" Ava and Nicholas simultaneously nodded in agreement. Leaning back she asked, "So, do you guys have something you want to tell me?"
Ava was the one to speak. Emma did not have siblings, but she would bet her money that Ava being the older sibling felt responsible for Nicholas. "We don't have any parents. Our mom died a few years ago, her name was Dory Zimmer. That's our last name too. We don't have a dad." Quick and to the point, the girl reminded Emma more and more of herself as child.
"Thank you for your honesty, Ava. Now, here's what is going to happen: I'm going to drive around and ask about your mother. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone to watch you right now and I can't leave you alone. This means I have to take you to school, if you're enrolled. Do you guys go to school?"
"Yeah, we do."
"Good. Then you know who Miss Blanchard is, right?"
They both shook their heads 'yes.'
"She is going to take you home with her. We're roommates, so I'm not abandoning you guys to Miss Blanchard. Do you want milkshakes to go?"
They smiled, "Yeah."
After school Emma came home to find Ava and Nicholas eating at the table.
"Did anyone have any idea about them?" She asked Mary Margaret
"No, none of us did."
"Ava and Nicholas Zimmer. They said their mother was a woman named Dory Zimmer. She died a few years ago. No one seems to know her or remember her."
Mary Margaret lowered her voice, "A few years ago or a curse ago?"
"Probably the latter."
"And the father?"
"There isn't one. At least one that they know."
"What about Social Services?"
Emma gave Mary Margaret a look.
"Emma…"
"I report them, I can't help them. They go into the system."
"The system that's supposed to help. They could go into it at least until the curse breaks."
"That's easy to say when you've never been in it. I know that system and was in it for fifteen years. Do you know what happens? They get thrown in homes where they are a meal ticket– nothing more. These families get paid for these kids and as soon as it gets to be too much work, they get tossed out and they start all over again."
"But they aren't all like that."
"All the ones I was in were."
"What? We're just going to adopt them?"
Emma didn't hesitate, "In a fucking heartbeat if it means I buy them more time."
"More time for what?" Mary Margaret wasn't against her, but Emma could see that she wasn't completely buying this plan.
"To find their father. They don't know him and he probably doesn't even know they exist. The curse tore families apart, this one is probably no different."
"And you think if he knows, he'll want them? What if his cursed persona can't stand the sight of them?"
"In my experience, the curse doesn't change a person's fundamental character. It's just buried underneath lies and garbage. And if they go into the system? They will be separated, Mary Margaret and it could takes years to get them back." That last statement caught her mother's agreement with the plan.
"What do we do right now?" Mary Margaret whispered as she watched the kids mixing ingredients together.
"Right now, we make them comfortable. I sent James to the records office to get their birth certificates."
"Does he know about your plan?"
"Yep. In the meantime, I'm going to look through my notes and pictures I took on my phone to see if I can spot their father. Let them play on my Super Nintendo when their done," Emma told Mary Margaret as she walked up the stairs.
Mary Margaret let out a very dazed and uncertain, "Oh– okay."
James did not have good news to report. Apparently, Regina had already pulled their birth certificates and contacted Social Services; and Henry walked in a few minutes later to report that the storybook listed them as having no parents and that their father abandoned them.
Emma smelled a rat. Regina wouldn't be so invested if this was her first encounter with them.
James and Emma were supposed to bring them to Boston tonight, which means they had very little time to reunite a family.
"Swan, what if he isn't even here?" James never commented on the curse idea, and no one spoke to him directly about it, but Emma could tell- he didn't pay a whole lot of mind to the things he heard. He just wanted to do his job.
"He is."
"How do you know?"
Henry cut in, "Cause no one leaves Storybrooke. Nobody comes, nobody goes. It's just the way it is."
James glanced at Emma then pointed at her, "She came here."
Henry shook his head, "That's because she's special. Emma is the first stranger here– ever."
Emma walked away to give herself some space from the case, to try to think about it from a new angle.
Henry followed her, "Can you tell me about him?"
"I don't know anything yet."
"Not their father–Killian. I want to know more about him."
"Henry, now really isn't the time for this."
"I know… I just– I want to know him. If my dad wasn't so great, then maybe…I thought– maybe he'd want me."
"Oh, Henry." Emma pulled him into a hug. "I wish I had more answers for you, but it's been two hundred years for him."
He muffled into her, "I know, but I was just so happy that he wanted to join me and David but we haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together and I want a family."
Emma cupped her son's face, running her hand through his hair so she could see it better. "I know, and I promise Henry, we will be. I can't tell you what our family will look like, or who will be a part of it, but we will be together and a family when this is over. I'll fight tooth and nail to see it happen."
He held her tighter and asked, "Do you have anything of his? Something so I can feel like I know Killian better?"
A memento. That's it! "You beautiful boy! You genius!" She kissed his cheek repeatedly. "Under my bed there's a camo duffle bag. You can look through it while I handle this." Emma ran upstairs, Henry on her heels, and Mary Margaret, Jones, Ava, and Nicholas watching curiously as they ran by.
Dragging out her old Army rucksack Emma opened it to expose various and multiple mementos, papers, and journals, including a black, worn leather jacket, a camo hat with 'SWAN' embroidered on the back, various small boxes that Henry first thought held jewelry, and a large, white as snow baby blanket with purple ribbon accents and the name 'EMMA' in the purple ribbon, woven through the fabric.
"Have at the bag, kid. There's some pictures in there of Killian and I." She told Henry as she ran downstairs. Coming down the stairs Emma said, "I want to show you guys something."
"What's that?" Nicholas asked.
"It's my baby blanket. It's something I've held onto my whole life. That's the only thing that I have from… from my parents. I've spent a lot of time with a lot of kids in your situation, and all of them–all of us–we held onto stuff. I want to find your father, but I need your help. Is there anything of his you've held onto?"
"I might have something. But if I give it you, you'll make sure we stay together, right?" Ava was looking for a promise and Emma knew how dangerous those were in this kind of situation.
She did not take it lightly when she said, "Right."
Ava pulled a compass on a chain from her pocket and handed it to Emma, "Our mom kept it. She said it was our dad's."
Emma felt the weight of the item in her hand. It was a symbol of their hopes, and their dreams.
"Thank you."
"Did you find them?"
"Who?"
"Your parents."
Emma chanced a glance at Mary Margaret before responding, "Not yet. But I'm going to find yours."
James tried to follow her out of the door, "What do you think your doing?" she asked.
"Going with you."
"No, you're not. I'm going to Gold's and he's much more likely to answer my questions without being distracted by the hostility that bounces between you two."
He stared at her, "Emma, we're partners. I'm going with you." He put on a mask of innocence then said, "I'm promise to be on my best behavior, love."
She glared at him, "Fine."
Gold was polishing one of his many lamps when they walked in. "Emma. How lovely to see you." Then with a sneer, "Jones."
Emma snapped her fingers at Gold, "Hey, arch nemesis stuff later. I've got questions."
Gold gave Emma an odd look and she was vaguely aware that she might have showed him a bit of her hand. At least he doesn't like Regina. "Of course. What could I do for you, sheriff?"
"I'm looking for information on this old compass. Any idea where it could have come from?"
"Well, well. Look at the detail. You know, this is crystal. This jeweled setting… Despite the rather unfortunate shape it's in, this is actually a very unusual piece. The person who owned this obviously had great taste."
"And where would someone like that buy it?"
"Right here, of course." Dingdingding.
"You know him?"
"Indeed. A piece like this is difficult to forget."
"Do you happen to remember who bought it?"
"Well, I'm good with names, Miss Swan, but maybe not that good. However, as luck would have it, I do keep quite extensive records." Walking away from the lamp, which Emma realized looked suspiciously like the genie's lamp from Aladdin, he approached a small filing cabinet next to his cash register and began to pilfer through it. "And… yes, here we are." But he held away from Emma, observing her as if expecting something.
Always a price with this one.
"What's your price?"
"Forgiveness."
Emma had learned over her life that forgiveness should only be given to those who are truly repentant, and Gold wasn't really sorry. "How about tolerance?"
He smiled at her, "Well, that's a start. The compass was purchased by a Mr. Michael Tillman."
"Is there a year?" Emma didn't expect there to be one, but she was curious nonetheless.
"I'm afraid not, but I generally find that a name is all one needs."
"Thanks, Gold."
"Good luck with your investigation."
Walking out of the shop James said, "You know, I don't actually know why Gold and I don't get along."
"Maybe it's because he's the Crocodile and you're Captain Hook."
He guffawed at her, "Right, and Henry's Peter Pan."
Emma shrugged, she didn't have time to deal with James starting to have his existential crisis. Not when the lives of two children are on the line.
"So, where to now Swan?"
"Granny's. If anyone knows where this guy is, it'll be the hottest traffic spot in town.
Granny pointed them to a car garage where he worked as a mechanic.
He was confused, then defensive when he started to go through the file.
"Not possible."
"Actually, it is."
"Well, I'm sorry, but Dory– she wasn't my, um… It was just once."
"Sometimes, that's all it takes mate."
"I met her when I was camping and we, um… No." He shook his head, "It's not possible. I don't have twins."
"Yes, you do." Emma pushed. "You have twins that have been homeless ever since their mother passed away. You have twins who have been living in an abandoned house because they don't want to be separated from each other. You have twins who are about to be shipped off to Boston, unless you step up and take responsibility for them."
"Look, I can barely manage this garage. I can't manage two kids. And why are you so sure they're mine?"
Emma pulled out the compass, "Have you ever seen this?"
"I lost that."
"Let me guess– twelve years and nine months ago? I know it's a lot, three months ago Henry showed up on my doorstep and I was terrified. But he needed me, and I ended up moving here for him."
"I heard about that, you and the mayor's son. But staying in town is a lot different than taking him in."
"I don't have my son because I don't have a choice short of kidnapping of him. You do. Those kids did not ask to be brought into this world, but you and their mother did it anyway. And now, Ava and Nicholas need you. And if you choose not to take them in, you are going to have to answer for that every day of your life. And sooner or later, when they find you– and they will find you because you will be a ghost that will haunt them for the rest of their lives– you're going to have to answer them."
Michael Tillman stepped away from Emma and James, distancing himself from the idea of his children. "I'm really sorry. I am. I don't know anything about being a dad. If it's a good home you're looking for, it's not with me."
"Just meet them, please. Meet them."
"I can't."
James made to walk away, pulling gently on Emma's arm, but she stood firm and afraid of what she was about to say to a stranger. "I had decided before Henry was born that I was going to give him up for adoption. I did so much research and had so many medical tests done to ensure that he ended up in one of the best adoption agencies in the country. When he was born, the doctor asked me if I wanted to hold him and I refused because I knew that if I did, if I looked at him, and fully felt how much I loved him already, then I would have kept him. But I refused because I thought his best chance wasn't with me. And now, ten years later I see how wrong I was and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Michael, don't let ten years pass just to realize the same mistake I made. Don't do the same thing to Ava and Nicholas that I've done to Henry."
Michael's eyes had begun to water, the reality of the situation and Emma's guilt hitting him like a tidal wave. "But what if I can't?"
"Believe me, you'll be haunted by the possibility that you could have if don't try now."
Nervously, he wiped his hands with his grease rag. "Where are they?"
"Our apartment. Do you want the address?"
"Yes."
James' hand moved from Emma's arm, to lightly resting on her shoulder as they walked back to the car. For a brief moment, she leaned into it, into him, before getting in the car and driving away. It was a victory, but it was a sad one.
In the car over to the apartment James called Social Services and informed them that Ava and Nicholas would not be leaving Storybrooke, that they had found a home here for them instead. Social Services didn't put up a fight for it. James and Emma had only sat down for a few minutes before Regina was knocking on the loft's door.
"What are you doing here?" Mary Margaret asked.
"Seeing to it that you do your job. And looking for my son, who I see is playing with the delinquents."
Emma corrected her, "You mean Ava and Nicholas. Who aren't leaving, by the way."
"Excuse me?"
James looked over at Emma, at her emotionally exhausted form, and the concealed trauma in her eyes. He watched Mary Margaret standing next to Regina, looking small and intimidated next to the looming force of the mayor. Emma had been right when she accused him of being chicken shit. James stepped in,"Yes, Madam Mayor. We thought it best for the children if they did not have to be separated nor leave Storybrooke. So we found a home for them here."
"With whom?"
"I'm afraid that it's official police business Madam Mayor, and cannot be disclosed. Since you've located your son, I believe it is time for you to leave."
"Are you dismissing me sheriff?"
"Unless either Emma or Mary Margaret disagree?"
Emma remained silent, but Mary Margaret found courage when she saw the hollowed look on Emma's face. "No, I think James is right. You're hostile personality isn't good for the children."
"Excuse me?"
"We can't do anything about Henry right now, but we can protect Ava and Nicholas. Leave Regina, or I'll have you arrested for trespassing."
Glaring daggers at Mary Margaret, "Are you threatening me?"
"It's only a threat if there's some truth in it."
Regina's response was to order Henry out the door. But before he left Henry ran up to Emma to give her one last hug, he sensed that a line had been drawn and that he would be stuck on the wrong side of it. Regina slammed the door behind them.
"You shouldn't have antagonized her like that." Emma said glumly.
"Why?"
"Because you just put a gigantic target on our backs."
An hour later and timid knocking was heard on the other side of their door. This time, it was Michael Tillman.
His eyes were only for his children. "Hi."
Ava and Nicholas huddled together, but didn't back away. "Hi."
"You're Ava and Nicholas?"
"Yeah, who are you?"
Emma, Mary Margaret, and James watched as Michael Tillman bent down on one knee and said, "My name is Michael and I learned today that I'm your father. I'm here to take you home with me, if you two would like that."
It turns out that they would like that very much.
That night, when they were alone in the loft, Mary Margaret asked Emma about her parents. "Did you ever have your parents?"
"No, the day I was born I was put into the system."
"What happened? Do you know?"
Emma fiddled with the corner of her baby blanket, gathering strength to answer her mother's questions. "Uh, yeah. I do, actually. The reason I'm here and tied up in all of this–isn't just because of Henry. The beginning of my story is the ending to the storybook. My parents, they sent me here to save me– and so I could save them."
"That means you know who your parents are."
"Yeah, well, it's not that simple. I know who they are, but I don't. Not really."
"Because of the curse… Emma– that… that has to be unbearable. To finally have found them, but to not have."
"I'd, um, rather not talk about this, if you don't mind." She turned her face away, obscuring it.
"Of course! Here. How about some hot chocolate?"
"I think I'd rather go to bed, good night Mary Margaret."
Emma lied in bed for some hours, thinking about her parents and what kind of people they were.
Would they be proud of her? Would they be ashamed that she was a soldier? Had a child out of wedlock? Been to prison?
Her anxious thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice on her nightstand. Emma sat up to find one of her earpiece walkie talkies making noise.
Putting it in, she found Henry calling her name.
"Henry?"
"Emma! I hope you don't mind, but I found these in your bag and thought they'd be a good way for us to stay in touch."
"No, it's fine kid. A good idea, actually."
"Really?" She could hear the grin in his voice. "Good. I wanted to tell you that what you did– with Ava and Nicholas– you are really changing things."
"We're changing things, Henry."
"I wanted to say thank you, for letting me look through your bag. I know there was a lot of stuff in there that meant something to you and I'm really happy that you let me be a part of that, Emma. And for letting me look at pictures of you and Killian. I'm really excited to meet him when the time comes."
A tear rolled down her cheek, "Me too, kid."