Finger On The Trigger

Part II

Chapter 13

Merle kept his hold on Rick's shirt as he pulled him further into the trailer and over to the couch.

He pushed him down a little too forcefully then glared at him.

"Sit right there 'til I get back. I'm gon' check an' see if she wants ta see ya. If she don't, then ya best get yer ass out."

Rick gave him a nod and watched as he walked down the small hallway and tapped on one of the doors.

When the door opened and Merle stepped inside, Rick stood and moved towards the hallway, hoping he could hear a little of what was being said.

He couldn't hear anything though.

"Ya want me ta make 'im leave?" Merle asked, sitting down on the bed next to Beth.

"Is he alone?"

"Yeah, he's alone."

Beth looked over at Shawn and Annie and then down at her stomach.

"I'll talk to him," she said, looking back at Shawn and Annie, "but I don't want to let him know about them just yet."

Merle looked over at them as well and then back to Beth. "Ya sure ya want ta do that?"

"I'm sure, Merle." She shook her head. "If I tell him they're here, he'll expect us to be with him like we were at the prison. He'll expect us to automatically fall back into being a family like we were and I'm not ready for that. I love him but I'm not ready to go back to all of that."

Merle gave her a nod and said, "It's up ta you. I'll go along with whatever ya choose ta do an' I'll do whatever ya need me ta do."

Beth smiled and reached out to Merle, pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you, Merle," she pulled back and kissed his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you."

Rick had given up on trying to listen in on Beth and Merle and had gone back to sit on the couch.

The bedroom door opened and he stood up, watching as Beth closed the door behind her and leaned her head against it and closed her eyes.

She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and looked over at him.

He was tempted to go to her and help her into the living room but he wasn't sure if she would want him to or not so he just stood there watching her.

She made it to the couch and sat down.

Rick took a moment to look anywhere but at her then took a deep breath as he sat down next to her.

"I'm not entirely sure where to begin but I think the best way to start this off is by sayin' sorry," Beth said with a sigh. "I'm sorry I left like I did and I'm sorry for everythin' else that I've said or done."

Rick shook his head then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his head down.

"There's nothin' for you to be sorry for," he said. "I'm the one who should apologize for everythin'. I was a fool and a coward. Fuck, Beth, I still am."

She watched as he buried his face in his hands and she could see the way his muscles tensed up.

"I love Merle but this isn't his baby," she muttered, wanting to relieve some of his misery. "Maggie and Daryl are wrong to think that."

He didn't relax.

How could he when he still had so many questions?

He couldn't ask her anyway.

"What I mean is, I love Merle. He's family and he's been there for me when I didn't have anyone else. He's helped me and protected me, he's kept us safe," Beth said as she sat forward and placed her hand on her stomach.

"What happened?" Rick finally asked. "I mean, how? When?"

She smirked, despite her nerves and the ache in her chest.

"I don't think I need to explain how this happened but as for when, my best guess is the last time we were together before the prison fell. That night in the guard tower. You told me we had all night and you planned on puttin' every second of it to good use."

Rick squeezed his eyes shut, remembering that night and how right everything had felt.

He wasn't sure how many times that night he had told her he loved her but he had meant every single one of them.

She had done the same. Her whispers of how much she loved him and his name falling from her lips like a prayer were on constant replay in his mind.

He had to remember that night so he didn't forget just how much she had loved him and how different she was from Lori.

"Has there been anyone else?"

The words rolled off his tongue before he could stop them.

"Other than Shane, no. I haven't been with anyone else. I told you that after what he did to me, I considered you my first and I meant it when I said you would be my last. I loved you, Rick. I still love you."

"I can't say the same," he whispered, praying she didn't hear.

When she didn't say anything, he slowly turned his head towards her.

His heart shattered into a million pieces with every tear he saw rolling down her cheeks.

"You...You...you can't say the same?" She stuttered. "What...what part of what I...oh God!"

She blinked her eyes, trying to stop the tears but they kept falling.

"I am so stupid" she whispered.

"Beth," he reached out and placed his hand over hers, not realizing it was resting on her stomach. "I love you. That hasn't changed."

She looked down at his hand on hers and then looked him in the eyes and said, "Merle is in the next room and I'm sure that after all this time he wouldn't mind payin' you back for what happened on that rooftop in Atlanta so if you want to keep that hand, you need to move it."

Rick jerked his hand back but held her gaze.

"I love you. I haven't stopped lovin' you," he told her, "but I...I've been with someone else."

To his surprise, and to her own, she laughed.

"I'm not goin' to lie, it hurts but I shouldn't be surprised."

Despite her smile and the laughing, he saw the tears in her eyes.

"You used me, Rick, and don't try to deny it because if you truly loved me, even a little, you wouldn't have been with someone else. Not after what Lori did to you and how that made you feel."

"I wasn't sure you were alive," he muttered. "I had no way of knowin' if you were or not."

Beth shook her head and sighed.

"Please leave, Rick."

He didn't say another word, he just left without a fight.

Merle laid back on the bed and closed his eyes.

He was almost asleep when he felt the bed dip down under Beth's weight.

"How'd it go?" he mumbled without opening his eyes.

"About as good as I expected it to," she replied as she laid back beside him.

"Did ya..."

"I don't want to talk about it right now," she cut him off. "I just want to go to sleep and forget I ever wanted to find him."

Merle opened his eyes and turned his head towards her.

"I still think it'd be good for ya ta tell him why ya ran."

Beth snorted and rolled her body over so she was facing Merle.

"So do I but I can't. I realized after he walked out that I'm too emotional. I never really expected for him to stay faithful to me, he's a grown ass man after all, but I still hoped he loved me enough that he would."

Merle rolled onto side and reached out to pull Beth to him as tears filled her eyes once again.

She buried her face in his chest as her tears fell silently.

She knew if she could make it through the night, she would wake up with a clear head in the morning and hopefully she could work out a way to ease her heartache.