A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Yes, I know this is late but I hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless.

Finger On The Trigger

Part II

Chapter 14

Rick sat up in bed and rubbed his hands over his face.

He couldn't help but wonder if Beth had been right.

What if he did use her?

What if he never really loved her?

He groaned and threw the covers back as he stood up.

He couldn't go to Hilltop to talk to her. He was pretty sure that if he did, Merle would kill him.

He didn't want to run to Jessie, the only one he had been able to find comfort in.

Walking down stairs, he stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and silently cursed when he saw Maggie sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in her hand.

"I've been thinkin' about what Beth said to you," she said without looking up at him. "I used to think the same thing. It was hard for me to believe a man like you, married with kids, would ever truly love my sister. She's so much younger than you. She's practically a child herself. But, I saw the way you would look at each other and hold on to each other. I saw you together enough to know that you truly loved her and she loved you."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "Was I wrong, Rick? Did you see her, as vulnerable as she was, and think no one would ever find out you didn't love her? Was she an easy target for you?"

"No, it wasn't like that at all," Rick shook his head. "I've been thinkin' the same thing since we left Hilltop but I can honestly say no it wasn't like that. I love her, Maggie."

Maggie sat back in her chair, looked him in the eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"If you really love her, why have you been thinkin' about that?"

Rick took the few steps to the table and sat down across from Maggie.

"I was thinkin' about that because I wondered if maybe it were true, if maybe I didn't attach myself to her because of everythin' that was goin' on with Lori and Shane but lookin' back at it, we tried so many times to push each other away but we never stayed apart for very long. I didn't mean to fall in love with her. I didn't even know I had until it was too late."

Maggie narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, placing both hands flat on the table.

"I believe you," she said, then stood up. "Daryl and I will be leavin' for Hilltop in an hour. I expect you to be ready to go when we are."

Merle held Beth close and rubbed her back.

He had been holding her all night. Through all of her tossing and turning and her crying, he held onto her.

He knew her pain.

He had held the pieces of his broken heart in his hands too many times. He had loved someone and he had lost them, only to find them again and be turned away.

So of course her would hold onto Beth and keep her and her children safe.

It would hurt too bad if he lost them and right now, he knew neither one of them could handle another loss.

Beth sniffled and squirmed. Opening her eyes, she smiled up at Merle then laid her head back against his chest.

"You're thinkin' about her again, aren't you?" she asked quietly.

Merle nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see him, then placed a kiss to the top of her head.

Beth wiped her eyes but didn't move until she heard a soft little squeak coming from the playpen.

Maggie kept her eyes on the road and tried her best to keep from glancing over at Rick.

He had been sitting there staring out the windshield and not saying a word since they had left Alexandria.

Daryl wasn't much better. He had only muttered a few words and half of them weren't meant to be heard.

"Oh my God," Maggie groaned. "I can't believe y'all are bein' so damn quiet. Usually one of y'all would be pointin' out where we could set up a scout or...or somethin' even if it isn't worth sayin'."

"Ain't got nothin' ta say," Daryl mumbled.

Rick only shrugged.

"Thank God were almost there," Maggie said and shook her head.

Beth rubbed a wet rag over her stomach and then pulled her shirt down over it.

"Well, good news," the doctor said with a smile. "Everythin' seems to be goin' fine. It won't be much longer until you're ready to deliver."

She returned his smile and climbed down off the bed.

"Thank you. I can't wait for this little one to be here."

The doctor smiled again and held up a square piece of paper.

"You know I could tell you if you're havin' a boy or girl."

"I know," she replied. "But I like not knowin'."

He nodded. "I understand but if you change your mind, just let me know."

"I will," she said as she stepped out of his trailer.

Merle was waiting and quickly took Beth's hand to help her down the steps.

"Thank you, Merle, for everythin'," she said as they made their way towards their own trailer.

"Don't mention it," he muttered.

Rick sat up straighter as they pulled through the gates of Hilltop and spotted Beth and Merle.

Neither one of them seemed to notice them pulling up or maybe they just didn't care.

Either way, Rick had thrown his door open and was out of the car before Maggie could even stop.

"Rick," she called after him but he was already headed towards Merle and Beth.

Beth clenched Merle's hand when she saw Rick coming towards them.

"Don't worry," Merle whispered. "I ain't gon' leave ya."

Rick glanced at Merle and gave him a nod then held out his hand to Beth.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me but we need to talk," he said. "Just give me five minutes and after that, if you never want to see me again, I'll leave you alone."

Beth sighed and looked down at her stomach then back up at Rick.

"All right, Rick, you've got five minutes and five minutes only."

Daryl and Maggie watched as Beth let go of Merle's hand but she didn't take Rick's.

They looked back at Merle as Rick and Beth walked away.

"I swear to God and on my mama and daddy's graves that I will not let Merle live if he thinks he can fall in love with my sister," Maggie said angrily.

Daryl nodded. "I'll kill 'im 'fore you do."

They glanced at one another and then started towards Merle.

Beth led Rick around to the back of the main house and sat down on a bench.

"What do you want to talk about?"

Rick sat down next to her and rested his elbows on his knees.

"The last time we talked, I told you I had been with someone else. Nothin' I can say will ever justify it and I'm not tryin' to. There's no excuse for what I did but I needed someone. I needed to feel somethin', Beth."

She snorted but he continued.

"You left that church on your own. You ran from me. I took it but damn, that was one hell of a blow. You need to understand, Lori wanted Shane and she walked away from me. Not literally but she didn't want me. And then you, you ran away from me. You literally ran, Beth."

She snorted again. "You slept with someone else because your ego couldn't handle the rejection?"

He nodded. "I told you, that's not an excuse."

"No, it's not. You didn't come after me, Rick, so I kept goin'. You wanted out and you found your way out by lettin' me run away."

"I didn't want out," he snapped. "I've spent months tryin' to figure out why the hell you ran from me. What the hell was so wrong with me that you felt you had to run?"

"You're a monster!" she shouted and stood up. "You're a monster, Rick! I saw what you did to that man that night. You ripped his throat out with your teeth. You're a monster," she gasped for air as panic set in. "When I looked at you, I saw Shane. I saw the Governor. That night, you had the same evil look in your eyes as Shane did every time he came after me. I didn't want to look at you. I didn't want you to touch me. For months, I prayed a walker would rip me apart and rip this monster from me. It was the same prayer I said when I was pregnant with Annie and Shawn," she wiped her face on her sleeve and whispered," You're a monster."

Rick stood up and gently grasped her arms.

"Bethie, I didn't know."

She jerked away from him. "No, you didn't. You just wanted your wife back. It was just about what you wanted. You didn't care to find out why I didn't want you."

She turned away, crying and gasping for air.

"Merle," she cried. "Merle understood. He understands. He knows what monsters are. He knows I can't hide. I can't bury what I saw and pretend it never happened. I can't get the monsters out of my head."

"So you really are with him," Rick said.

She rounded on him and drew her hand back, slapping him as hard as she could.

"Is that all you care about?"

When Rick looked up at her, her eyes widened and she took a step back.

"Stay the hell away from me," she yelled.

Daryl, Maggie and Merle had heard every word and were running to Beth's side when she yelled at Rick.

"Bethie," Maggie whispered as she took her sisters face in her hands. "What's goin' on with you?"

Merle put his hand on Beth's back and Daryl glared at him, his own hand going for his knife.

Merle shook his head and removed his hand from her back.

"Please don't," Beth whispered to Daryl. "Please just leave us alone."

Maggie released Beth's face and let her hands fall to her sides.

"What can we do, Bethie? We want you to come back to us. We want you to come back to our family," Maggie pleaded. "Rick isn't a monster. If you would let him explain about what happened that night, you would understand. You would see that he did it out of necessity. He did that to protect his family."

Beth shook her head and clenched her hands around her stomach.

"That's what Shane said," Beth choked out.

"What?" Rick, Daryl and Maggie said in unison.

Beth shook her head and closed her eyes. "He told me he was doin' what he had to to protect his family, to protect what was his. He saw Lori and Judy and Carl as his, not Rick's. The first time it happened, he said Rick couldn't have me and that I was his now. When he had me in Woodbury, evey time he laid a hand on me, he told me it was to protect his new family. He meant me and Annie and Shawn. We were his." She wiped her eyes and looked up at Rick. "Your eyes the night I saw you, you weren't just protectin' your family. You unleashed the monster. You looked...your eyes looked just like Shane's did. I knew I had to keep goin'. I had to run because I didn't want you to hurt me like he did."

Tears welled up in Rick's eyes as he sat down on the bench while Merle led Beth away.

He twisted his ring around on his finger and thought about everything Beth had said.

It all made sense. Shane was possessive, even as kids. He knew he had been that same way with Beth but he never dreamed it would lead to this.

"She's not well," Maggie whispered from beside him.

"No, she's not," he agreed. "But it's my fault. I tried to force her to talk to me. I wanted her to know that I wanted her." He shook his head,"She's right. I'm no better than Shane. I never stopped to think about what she wanted or what she had been through. I wanted what I wanted and I expected her to give it to me."

Maggie put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You're nothin' like him."

"Yeah, I am. I fucked up and now we're never goin' to get passed this."

A/N: Okay, what do y'all think? Does Merle love Beth? Will Beth be able to get rid of her "monsters"? Is Rick going to give her up? There's so many questions and so few chapters left.

I hope y'all are still enjoying this story and I would love to hear from y'all.