Finger On The Trigger

Part II

Chapter 15

Merle closed the bedroom door as quietly as he could and eased out of the trailer to find the others.

He could tell from the looks they had been giving him that they didn't trust him. They didn't trust that Beth could freely trust him or that she would want to.

He wouldn't betray her to them, even if they threatened him. He would keep her secrets for as long as she asked of him. It wasn't his place to tell anyone anyway. No matter how much he disagreed with her or how much he tried to persuade her to tell them.

"They're her kids," he whispered to himself as he approached the others.

Maggie sat beside Rick, her arm around his shoulders, and it was obvious he had been crying.

Any other time, maybe back in Atlanta, Merle would have called Rick a few names. Made fun of the way he was reacting but things had changed. Merle had changed.

Just as he knew the pain Beth was going through, he knew all too well the pain Rick was going through as well.

Both hurt like hell. Both were the same in so many ways. Both tore at him. Both made his chest tighten.

That pain, that hurt that only a lover can cause, is the reason he held Beth so closely at night. It's the reason he wanted to protect her. He would do anything to protect that girl and her kids.

When they noticed him walking towards them, Maggie and Rick stood up and Daryl stiffened and clenched his fists.

Baby brother still got a temper, Merle thought to himself.

As soon as he approached them, Rick and Daryl drew their knives and Maggie raised her gun.

"What kind of game are you playin' with my little sister?" Maggie asked through clenched teeth.

Merle raised his hand, "I ain't playin' any games with 'er."

"Then why does she think Rick's a monster? Why does she trust you?" Maggie shouted.

"She told you why she thinks he's a monster," Merle said as he took a step towards them. "If y'all can't see that that girls been through a lot, then ya don't need to be 'round 'er. She trusts me 'cause she knows I ain't gon' hurt 'er. I ain't gon' leave 'er an' I don't expect 'er ta do what I say, when I say it. I ain't tha boss a that girl an' y'all ain't either so ya best stop actin' like it."

Maggie narrowed her eyes and took a step towards Merle, shoving the barrel of her gun into his chest.

"We see the way you look at her," she said calmly. "If you think you can sweet talk her, turn her against us, fuck her into believing whatever it is you say, then you're wrong. I won't let you do that to her."

Merle grabbed the barrel of the gun and pushed it into his chest. "If that's what ya think I'm doin', then ya better shoot me 'cause I ain't laid a hand on that girl an' I sure as hell ain't tryin' ta brainwash 'er."

Rick narrowed his eyes and lowered his knife. "You love her, don't you?"

"Yeah, I love 'er," Merle replied. "But not tha way ya think. I love 'er like family, like she's a lil' sister an' I got ta protect 'er."

"I don't believe you," Maggie said defiantly.

Merle shook his head and reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

"Baby brother, I know ya don't need no remindin' 'bout Rhonda an' how she ran when she saw us killin' some walkers when ever'thin' first started," he took a picture out of his wallet and handed it to Daryl. "I found 'er when I's in Woodbury but she didn't want me. She had shacked up with one a tha Governor's men. She said she never looked fer us, she didn't care. She got a way out an' that's all she wrote."

"Why are you tellin' us this?" Maggie asked.

"I'm tellin' ya this 'cause y'all seem ta all have tha same idea 'bout what y'all think is happenin'. Rhonda was tha only one fer me an' she ripped my heart out an' stomped on it. That's how Beth feels 'bout Officer Friendly 'ere fuckin' someone else like tha vows that was said didn't mean nothin'."

"That doesn't explain why you're with Beth or why she trusts you but not her own sister or her husband. I know you've done somethin' to her. Somehow this is your fault."

Beth sat up in bed and leaned back against the headboard. She smiled and looked over at Annie and Shawn who were on the bed next to her. They were asleep and their clothes had been changed.

If it wasn't for Merle, she didn't know what she would do.

She certainly wouldn't have made it this far and even if she had, it was clear she couldn't trust Maggie or Rick.

Oh, how she wanted to trust them.

She wanted them to be in her life and she wanted them to be in the lives of her children.

Tears silently slid down her cheeks as she climbed out of bed while trying not to wake up the babies.

Merle was sitting at the kitchen table when he looked up to see Beth.

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Thank you for feedin' the kids and puttin' them down for the night," she said.

He gave her a nod then motioned for her to sit down.

Once she was seated, Merle slid an envelope towards her.

"'Fore you open this, I want ya ta think long an' hard 'bout those babies in there on that bed an' tha one that'll be here soon. I would do anythin' fer y'all but I think ya need ta try ta let your sister an' Officer Friendly know they're alive an' ya need ta have a talk with 'em. I know why ya don't want ta be 'round Officer Friendly but he ain't tha dumbass that raped ya."

"I know that," she whispered and hung her head. "I just...I can't help thinkin' that he could turn on me. If he could do what I saw him do, then what's goin' to stop him from doin' that to me?"

Merle tapped his fingers on the envelope the reached for Beth's hand.

"He won't do that. He loves ya. Now I'm goin' ta bed, you stay in 'ere an' read that."

She nodded as he stood up and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Once she heard the bedroom door shut, she moved over to the couch and opened the envelope.

Her hands were shaking as she unfolded the paper and she gasped when she saw Rick's handwriting.

Dear Beth,

If you're reading this, and I pray to God you are, I hope you'll hear me out before throwing this letter into the fire.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that has happened since we arrived on your farm. I'm sorry for trying to push you into something you were trying so hard to pull away from. I'm sorry I didn't try to understand things from your point of view.

All I can do now is apologize and tell you my side. That's the best I can do and I know I have no right to ask for anything but I ask that you not only hear me out but that you let me know what you choose to do after reading this.

That night, when you saw what I did to that man, I did it to protect my family. That man had offered up Carl to one of his followers. I couldn't let that happen and he tried to stop me. After I killed him, I gutted the man who had pinned Carl to the ground.

I know my actions make me a monster in your eyes but the reasoning behind them was survival and protection.

I know I couldn't protect you from Shane but I tried my best to and I tried my best to protect Carl. Please understand that.

Everything I have done has been to protect someone I love. I would do anything to protect you and Carl and Judith. I would do anything to protect our baby, just like I would have for Annie and Shawn.

My hope is that one day you will no longer see me as the monster I've become but as the man you once loved.

Always,

Rick