Chapter 4
"When you think your life is falling apart, it's usually falling together in disguise."
Charlotte Eriksson
December 1998
He assumed it was due to her prevalent occupation of his mind these days that he dreamt of her that night. In the beginning he frequently dreamt of that day but he viewed it as just another nightmare of the war. Tonight, however, his dream, or rather nightmare, was laced with a different texture.
It reeked of sadism and for the first time, Draco was utterly disgusted by his aunt's actions that night.
"Crucio."
Her screams bounced through the drawing room and Aunt Bellatrix's cackles hissed through his family's drawing room.
"I don't know, it's a fake. We found it!" Granger begged his aunt.
"Liar! Crucio!" his aunt said, relishing the opportunity to torture the poor young girl, lying on his drawing room's floor.
From Draco's perspective, Granger was slowly unhinging due to the high level of torture she was being exposed to. He just stood there, of course, but he felt a compulsion to interfere. In that moment, it dawned on him how insane these people he had pledged his life to, were. They, who were far more senior than Granger, were torturing and bullying a child. A room full of adults and they were attacking an unarmed, teenage girl. It was bloody bullshit!
Granger's screamed turned slightly manic and hysterical, and this caught Draco's attention. He looked straight into her eyes. She looked like she was breaking. She was falling apart. He was stunned, for he could not imagine a world without Hermione Granger being bossy, controlling, bloody annoying but incredibly intelligent none the less. He could not deny it in that moment. Not while she was writhing on the floor and with that Draco woke up with a start.
He sat up quickly and that may have been a bad thing as his head throbbed like a toddler haphazardly beating on a set of drums. He should not have finished that bottle of firewhiskey Granger left behind!
He steadied himself and focused on his surroundings whilst the particulars of his dream became focused. He realised now it was not the act that bothered him so immensely, and the act did bother him quite a bit, but it was the fact that he figured out why it plagued his unconscious state. It was because that even in May he knew Granger did not deserve to be destroyed like that. Neither of them did. Not even Potter. They deserved to be normal witches and wizards. How did it make sense to obliterate their childhoods by forcing them to take major roles in an extremely dangerous war? The reason for the war was so juvenile, it was frustrating that no one could see the Dark Lord for the psychopath that he most definitely was.
She did not deserve to be treated like that. It did not matter whether she was a mudblood, uhm, muggleborn. She may be annoying but to be tortured to the brink of sanity, that could have easily destroyed her pristine mind, was uncalled for and immoral.
With that musing, he settled on the real thought bothering him.
He should have helped her. Even if he got himself killed, he should have done something at the very least. She did not deserve that cruelty and he did fuck all to help her! He supposed this is why he has been so mean to her now. He was feeling guilty, and in true Malfoy fashion, he turned the guilt into cruelty.
The sex was also cruel. It was punishing and controlling, and he showed her no tenderness. He was trying to fuck her into submission and alleviate the arousal she seemed to generate. That by far was the vilest deed he had ever done.
She was clearly not emotionally stable and he took advantage of her. She was, or rather is, not the same Hermione Granger. She was not the same self-assured bossy, know it all who would have kicked his arse if he tried that on her a few years ago. The fact that she allowed it, was a terrifying thought in itself.
He stood up with the intention of getting a glass of cold water. He walked slowly as he was still feeling the effects of the firewhiskey. As he creeped out of his room he heard a whimper.
"Don't…"
Who the hell…?
"Don't leave me again," a soft voice pleading in a breathless whisper.
He followed the sound until he realised it was coming from Granger's room. He stopped dead by her door. Her whimpers were becoming more frantic and he realised she must be having one of her legendary panic attacks. But then the sound came to a halt and there was silence. His curiosity overtook his need for self-preservation. He opened her door as quietly as possible. Just in case she had fallen asleep again. He could not ascertain whether it was primarily curiosity or if concern was also somehow tangled up in his emotions.
As he opened the door, his expectation was to see her fast asleep but he was shocked to see her sitting up with her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs. She was rocking back and forth. When she heard him entering her room, she stopped and looked at him. He saw the shock cross her expression like a ripple.
A second later she started sobbing uncontrollably.
In Hermione's logical state of mind, she attributed her current emotional status to her drinking binge. It must have lowered her inhibitions and thus let the dam break. In front of Draco Malfoy.
This feeling of absolute darkness surprised her. It snuck up on her and took over her emotional control. Hermione worked very hard every day to control her emotions, to control herself despite her circumstances. Even at night, despite her constant terror, she never broke down. She would lose herself temporarily but would get back to herself soon enough. Not to make light of the experience but that she could somehow handle. Not whatever the hell this was.
Hermione felt like she lost them all over again and this time no one was here to hold her, to tell her they love her and that they would always be there for her. Those words helped.
Draco stood staring at her. Again. It seems he must find himself in this position at least once a week. This time he was at a complete loss. This was not a normal 'I'm hysterical and I'm an annoying girl cry', this was an, I'm tearing apart at the seams, out of control, gut wrenching sob. No one would leave a witch alone in this state, not even Draco Malfoy.
He went to her. She had started rocking again while sobs wracked her body. He took her by her shoulders but she continued rocking, seemingly psychotic.
"Granger."
Nothing.
"Granger! Granger! What the fuck! Stop this now! I'd like to fucking go sleep sometime tonight. You're making a damn racket!"
Nothing, just more sobbing. Heart breaking, earth shattering sobs.
Draco was starting to panic. She was becoming hysterical. He needed to snap her out this now!
"Granger! Hermione!"
Draco Malfoy calling her by her given name would most certainly do the trick.
She stopped mid rock. Her sobs halted but the tears were still streaming down her cheeks. She looked up at him.
"Help me."
"How?"
"Lie to me."
He did not know how he knew what she needed but he just did. He understood her quite well considering he despised her very existence. Draco told himself by doing this, he was seeking penance for not helping her that day. He told himself he needed to make it right. He would feed her delusions. He was after all a Slytherin. He understood the need for a rare dose of insanity.
"Come here."
But she stopped him. She shook her head. " Tell me you love me. Tell me you will always be there for me. Tell me I am safe."
He paused. So maybe she had lost her damn marbles but who the hell was he to judge. Luckily the swot chose the perfect wizard. He could lie like any other Malfoy. It was a prerequisite.
"Hermione," he paused for a second. "I love you. " he said it in a reverent whisper, a breath away from her lips. "I will never leave you. I will be here for you for as long as you need me, if you want me. And if that's the case, no one will touch you."
He hoped this shit was working. He sounded like a pussy.
"Hermione, I love you so much."
She shivered as the intensity of his delivery washed over her. A warm feeling seeping into her cold body.
When she seemed to have calmed down, he took her in his arms and laid them both down. On her bed. He kissed her hair as she settled into his arms.
"I wish that were true." Hermione murmured and promptly fell asleep.
He blatantly lied. He knew this. But why did saying those words feel like he started something.
…
"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism."
C.G. Jung
25 December 2018
The sunlight beams protruded through the drapes signalling the dawn of a new day. To be more specific, Christmas morning. Hermione felt very warm and content. Peaceful, one could stretch her descriptions. She hugged her source of comfort tightly and continued to snuggle. She had slept soundly that night. For the first time without the aid of a potion. She felt like a human being again. Whole, dare she push it? Though this is Hermione Granger and her mind started questioning the current position she found herself in. She started, reluctantly, to rouse herself. She opened her eyes and saw that she was encircled by quite muscular arms. She managed to sneak a peek to just above her head and saw a blond fast asleep.
She was so shocked, she ended up staring at him for a full minute. She then tried to extract herself from his arms. But he held her in place.
"Granger, go back to sleep."
"Uhm, Malfoy, you do know you are in my bed?"
"Yip."
"Why?"
"You honestly don't remember?"
She scrunched up her face, trying hard to recall the previous night.
"Help me."
"How?"
"Lie to me."
Oh fuck!
It was barrelling back to her.
"Hermione, I love you. "
"I will never leave you. I will be here for you for as long as you need me, if you want me. And if that's the case, no one will touch you."
"Hermione, I love you so much."
She sat up immediately. Her mind was racing at a warp speed. Her heart was speeding up and her mind could not seem to accept her memories of the previous night.
Sensing, her distress, Draco sat up and took by her shoulders.
"Snap out of it!"
She continued to become increasingly agitated.
"God damn it, you really are fucked up! I don't have time for this. Accept that you needed my help. Admit it. I made you feel safe. You needed it. I gave you what you needed. There is nothing wrong with that. Not with the current climate. The aftermath of the war. We use the tools we must to manage. But you cannot deny that you are fucked up and that you need help. Bravery is only bravery to a point. Then you are being plain fucking mental and insanely stupid."
Then he took her by her chin and forced her to look at him.
"You cannot deny that I, Draco Malfoy, am what you need."
She looked at him for a second. Then she grasped the hand cupping her chin and shoved it away.
"If I need you, I have officially fucking lost my mind."
With that she stalked off into her private en suite. The bathroom door closed with a bang.
Once the door banged, he let out the breath he held.
If this is what he gets for trying to help the mental bint, then it really wasn't encouraging him to become more compassionate.
He shook his head and sighed whilst getting off her bed and making his way out of her room. But as he passed her bathroom door, he heard sobs.
Draco Malfoy seemed to be sighing quite a bit these past couple of minutes. Alas, he sighed again and headed for her bathroom.
Once he opened the bathroom door, he found her seated on the beige, tiled floor at the base of the bath. Her knees were up to her chest and her arms were hugging her knees tightly while she sobbed her eyes out. Again.
"Granger, what is exactly is the reason for your frequent bouts of insanity?"
Nothing.
"Granger, talking helps. Sobbing like a brat won't help."
"A brat?
"Yes, a bushy haired brat."
"Wow, I've been promoted from mudblood to brat?"
Draco visibly flinched.
"What? You can't tell me that word bothers you. After all you were the first person to call me that and wish me to death in the same damn year!"
"The fact that I slept with you and fucked you might be an indication that I don't see you as that anymore." Draco said through clenched teeth.
It was her turn to flinch. A few tears escaped despite her forgetting her emotional state due to her anger at his condescending words.
"Leave me alone."
"No. You clearly are not stable enough to handle yourself."
"Well, wow, the war has given you a heart."
"And the war brought out the bitch in you. Colour me surprised."
Instead of getting angrier, Hermione laughed out loud.
"Wow, funny. Now that is surprising," she finished off and exhaled a long heavy sigh.
"Look, you're intelligent enough to realise you need help. Why not go see a head healer? You cannot possibly be happy with your current mental health?" Draco enquired.
Hermione turned her head to look directly at him. No words could describe how shocked she was with what he had just said. There may have been a hint of concern. Hell, she was sure there was.
"Why the concern?"
The question was blunt and it compelled him to be honest.
"I couldn't help you at the manor."
Her features softened and reverted a bit back to the old Hermione that cared about everyone and saw the best in them. She saw that he really believed his words and that he felt remorse. He may still be a prat but just because he was rude and arrogant did not make him evil.
"You-you would have been killed if you helped me. And you did help by not identifying us. It bought us some time to escape. So you don't owe me a thing. And I know I've been dredging up the past but it's in the past. I have forgiven you a long time ago. I'm just lashing out. You know misery loves company."
"So you're misery and I'm the company? I always knew you were in love with me!"
Hermione allowed herself to giggle. She really had no reason to shield her emotions. She honestly did not have the strength for it.
"What are you going to do? You cannot survive on potions."
She remained still for a moment. She was struggling to answer. This is just evidence pointing to her current mental state.
"I, I lost my parents because of this world. I made this world my life. I was engrossed in the quest to become the best. Probably due to my insecurities as a muggle born. Though due to my immersion into this world, I indirectly alienated my parents. They were the best type of parents any person could ask for. They encouraged me when I needed it, they reprimanded me when I tread too far off the right path. They were loving, funny and solid. They were my home. They loved me so much and when they died they did not even know they had a daughter that they loved more than life. I did that to them. With my magic, with my obsession to belong in this world. If I never came to this world, they would still be here today. Loving me, making me feel safe and never leaving me."
The words were familiar.
"So that's why you needed to hear those words."
Never one to beat around the bush hey?
"Yes, but you lied really well. I believed you. "
As she said these words she placed her head on his shoulders whilst sitting adjacent to him, by the base of the bath.
"Thank you."
"No problem. Just call me if you need me to lie again."
…
The Christmas day continued without any other hiccups and they joined the few students who stayed behind. Hermione opened all her gifts after lunch as she was not in a festive mood.
She opened Harry and Ginny's gift. They bought her an advanced potions kit. As an academic, this honestly thrilled her to no end. She then went onto Mrs Weasley's gift. She made her an apple pie and a purple cardigan with her name embroidered on the left side. Quite a change from the normal jumper. It was lovely. Finally, she settled on Ron's gift. She left it for last on purpose.
It was a gold eternity ring with small rubies woven between the strands of gold. It was a promise ring.
She was busy studying this thoughtful gesture when Draco entered their common room.
"From Weasel?"
"From Ron, yes. I must say I'm impressed. His usually rubbish when it comes to gifts."
"Hmmm, just a thought. Would you ever tell him about us?"
"Us?"
"The kitchen."
"Oh," she promptly blushed.
"Well, it won't be happening again. So…" she trailed off in embarrassment.
"Who said that it won't?"
"Er…"
"Eloquent Granger."
"Ha-ha."
"No, really, will you tell him?"
"Eventually. Maybe. But I did nothing wrong. We aren't together. And that day, that day felt right. He will understand if I explain my state of mind. Once I've figured it out of course."
"And if it happens again?"
"Well, it won't."
He had come closer during their conversation. His leg was touching hers. Now he put his hand on her thigh. He leaned forward in order to whisper into her ear.
"You know that isn't true."
He leaned back a bit and she turned her head to face him. She was quite close and she could smell his breathe. He smelt like mint and firewhiskey. Her eyes travelled to his lips and the pull was incredible. She bit her bottom lip to try and control the urge to snog him senseless. He then cupped her cheek bringing her face slightly more closely to him.
"Use me," he then closed the gap.
Hermione had been sitting on the sofa in their common room. Now she was facing Draco as he hungrily ravished her mouth. Both his hands were on her cheeks as he devoured her. She wasn't dead though. Her hands were in his hair and she started pulling more towards him as she tried to lay down on the sofa. He obliged her and was now snogging the life out of her, while lying on top of her. She opened her legs so that he could settle comfortably between them.
Their passionate kiss lasted ten minutes and by then end of it they were both highly aroused. She could feel his arousal and he could feel her heat.
Their break lasted a few seconds before Draco gently tugged on her bottom lip to continue what they were previously doing. His hands were now travelling towards the zipper of her muggle jacket. He unzipped it and allowed her to shrug it off. Next went her shirt and trousers. Hermione was now in her bra and knickers only.
She made an annoyed sound and got rid of his shirt and trousers. He was then left in his boxers. Green. Slytherin!
She caressed his muscular, torso and allowed her hands to thoroughly enjoy his physique. His breathe hitched under her ministrations. She felt him grow harder and that brought a panic to her mind.
"Draco, should we really be doing this?"
He started nibbling on her neck. "Do you want me to stop?"
Hermione could not say no.
This time was more of a seduction. Every move or touch was deliberate. Not frantic or hasty. Though in no way was this encounter any less passionate or desperate. Every kiss or grip demonstrated their need for each other.
Soon their underwear joined the other clothes on the floor.
Draco gave her breast the attention it needed. With his fingers massaging the bulk and his tongue swirling over her nipple. Hermione's breathe hitched and she arched off the sofa into him. Draco groaned at the contact.
"Tell me what to do."
"W-what?"
"Hermione, tell me what you want me to do or I stop right now."
"Whatever I want?"
"Yes," his voice becoming more and more husky.
"Make love to me. I need to feel it."
Draco faltered a bit. It was one thing to lie. Those were just words. But showing yet another form of lying he was not sure he could do.
But he wanted her so much. He could show her that. At least.
He entered her slowly and filled her to the hilt. She cried out loudly and bucked her hips. He held her in place by holding her down with his hands on her hips. Then he moved out so slowly, she thought he was trying a new torture technique. Her heart was beating fast and her throat was dry due to all the panting. Pleasurable jolts were vibrating through her. What added to the intensity was that she could feel every inch of him going in and out of her at a torturous pace. She could feel the heat from him and it added immensely to her pleasure.
"Lie to me," this time Draco made the request.
Out of her reverie, she heard him. In between her moans and pants, she said;
"Draco," As Draco thrust in and let whatever she felt for him course through her."I need you.I…I want you" Increasing it as he heard her words cried out like a prayer.
"I…"
They both were close. The thrusts became faster and harder until they both cried out in ecstasy.
"I love you Draco."
They settled down onto the sofa. Hermione lying on his naked chest, with one leg draped over his.
"Say it again."
She shifted so that she could make eye contact.
"I love you, Draco."
She clutched him tighter.
He was beginning to understand the addiction.
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters, plots, etc. do not belong to me. This is my manipulation of J.K Rowling's characters. They belong and will always belong to her.
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