AN: Totally loving the review section guys! Keep 'em coming. You are awesome. Even if its constructive criticism, I'd love to know what you think. Welcome to…
Chapter THREE
Levi showed up fresh in his interview clothes and with a housewarming gift in hand to Dr. Lincoln's party. The house was impressive, perched on a cliffside and glowing warmly from the decorative lighting. It was just outside the city limits and Levi was pretty sure that Dr. Lincoln had a great view of Seattle at night. Hopefully the black iron coat hooks Levi had randomly chosen matched his interior. Approaching the gate, Levi saw a familiar face and immediately wanted to stick to the shadows and get the next cab home.
I'm an adult. I can handle socializing. Coaching himself was one thing, approaching social ruin was another. Parker had waited for him to arrive before entering. Levi resisted the urge to glare as they made eye contact, he had told him not to do it. But Parker had a rebellious, mischievous side that went unaccounted for until today and did it anyway. Clearing his throat, Levi smiled, "Hello…"
Parker gave a wide smile of his own that mocked Levi, "Hey, this is your date for the evening."
A one-armed gesture towards the man standing beside Dr. Parker brought Levi's attention to, "Hi, I'm Gareth Branson."
Gareth Branson smirked as Levi hesitatingly took his hand for a shake, "Don't worry, I know what this is. Casey has a pretty fucked up since of humor."
The woman in their group punched the tall man in his shoulder which he rubbed dramatically; breaking their formal greeting. Levi's head tilted at the peculiarity of it all.
"No cursing, this is a fancy place." She said in a playful tone, filling her hands with Parker's bicep and leaning her head in. She was really cute, short bobbed black hair, round face and shorter than Parker.
"Levi, this is Reina, my girlfriend." She bowed, "Sorry, I don't shake hands."
"You just punch instead." Gareth interjected and she raised her fists in response. They made their way up to the house in pairs, Levi and Parker; Gareth and Reina talking loudly in the back.
"At least you told him it's a farce." Levi said begrudgingly as they reached the door.
"Of course, I did. But he is gay and he is single. I don't see much of a lie in that." Parker smiled conspiratorially at Levi before pushing the doorbell. Levi shook his head, feeling a bit worried at Parker's meddling. He had devised the plan when Dr. Lincoln said plus ones were welcome. It would expose Dr. Kim's true feelings, is what Helm and Parker believed. Levi found it to be middle school level childish and Nico would see right through him if he succumbed to participating. But…it would also be bad if Nico found out. Giving a small glance at Gareth, Levi hadn't planned on repeating his disastrous attempt that night at the club.
They had been welcomed in and offered drinks at Dr. Lincoln's—Link's—bar. Levi only accepted a Coke, proving to everyone around him he wasn't a lush. He had wasted time looking for Nico among the other participants. Link had informed him that Nico was running late. After greets with everyone in attendance and stacking presents high, Levi found himself by himself and wondering why he was there instead of sleeping or studying.
"Don't be too upset, we'll still get to put our plan in motion." At being addressed, Levi's head turned abruptly from looking out the large window at the sunset. From Gareth's point of view, he must've been perceived as forlorn with his nonalcoholic beverage and unrequited love story. And it didn't help that it was the truth.
"You really don't have to give one hundred percent on Parker's nefarious plot." He said gingerly, shaking his head, drinking his coke.
He took a moment to really look at Gareth. The man was a foot taller than he, shaggy brown hair, vibrant green eyes, wide nose with sharp rectangular glasses sat upon the bridge. His grin seemed permanent on his plump lips, it just varied in degree from time to time. He came closer, standing beside Levi but facing the party. He bumped Levi with his lean arm, getting the shorter man to turn around.
"Just look at him. We are letting Stacey down." Levi looked over at Parker who was seated a few feet away on the sofa facing them. The man was spacing out for just a moment; his eyes had a far away quality about them. It wasn't really that funny but Levi was glad he wasn't mid drink since he burst out laughing anyway, the sound erupting so suddenly, it overpowered the music and everyone looked to them questioningly for a moment.
It was ridiculous thinking that Parker was counting on Levi for anything and seeing the bewildered look on his face, made Levi double over once more.
"Pull it together, you're embarrassing me." Gareth's grin was almost too big, threatening a full-on smile at the reaction he got. Levi wiped beneath his frames at a tear that was forming.
"Sorry, it really wasn't that funny,"
"Thanks." Gareth said sarcastically, Levi chuckled.
"But I needed the laugh." Levi conceded, "So how long have you known Parker?"
After regaling each other with small details about their lives, Levi had relocated them at a game table on the second-floor landing, overlooking the other guests in the living room. Link had joined them as well as Dr. Webber. There had been two rounds of UNO and they were setting up for the third round. It got weirdly competitive which Levi couldn't be excluded from as he made sure no one slipped cards up their sleeves.
They were slapping down cards in rhythmic percussion, picking up cards with curses muttered. Levi held two cards, trying to look bored but feeling ready to burst as red came into play. Gareth stretched exaggeratedly next to Levi and he took a second too long to protect his cards from those wondering green eyes. That smirk was devilish while Gareth picked up his downfacing cards and took his turn. He changed the color to green, matching numbers, right before Levi's turn no less.
"Dammit, Gareth! You cheated!" Levi slapped his cards down, "He cheated!"
Dr. Webber laughed, "You got proof?"
Levi sniffed and held out his hand to Gareth who looked way too pleased with himself as he raised an eyebrow at that hand, "Let me see your cards. You most likely have red still available."
Gareth shook his head, "Nuh uh, now that's cheating." He said sagely but Levi could tell he was holding himself back from celebrating his evil genius.
Levi looked ready to cave, "Fine…gimme!"
He launched his hand unexpectedly at the cards but Gareth turned his back to him last second, laughing hysterically. Levi, not deterred snaked his arms around each of the man's biceps, searching for the cards blindly, "Let me see!"
"That's not how this game works!" Gareth said cheekily around the laughter, trying for innocence.
"You two are comedy—oh, Nico! Did someone let you in? Sorry, I didn't hear the doorbell. Let's get you a drink!" Link rose from the table and Levi froze at accosting Gareth when he heard that name. Slowly and a bit awkward, he righted himself in his seat, card game forgotten as he looked to the stairs. Nico Kim lingered there to greet Dr. Webber and Gareth formally before he managed to look at Levi.
"Hey, I'm glad you could come. Looks like you're having fun." Nico said lightly and went back down the steps before Levi could respond.
"Excuse me, I think I'll go look around." Dr. Webber withdrew from the table.
"So that was him, huh? Personally, I don't think he's that good looking." Levi threw Gareth a skeptical look in his direction which lasted for a few drawn out moments.
"Okay, fine. He's gorgeous. Straight from a Korean drama into our lowly lives. We are not worthy." Gareth admitted and finished in a monotonous tone of voice at the end.
Levi couldn't help but watch Nico below talking to Link at the bar as he defended distractedly, "He's not like that."
Those dark eyes of his were thoughtful as he made languid conversation, he was in a black long-sleeved shirt that he left partially unbuttoned and grey fitted slacks that stopped at his ankles. Levi hadn't seen him properly since that night he received Nico's text about the party. He couldn't decide if it was the hospital keeping them busy, or if he was subconsciously avoiding the man and vice versa. He just knew that tonight, he was getting a dose of Nico Kim and he felt lightheaded from the rush.
Brusquely, he was listening to Gareth groan obnoxiously, his thoughts interrupted by the almost animalistic sound. When Gareth had Levi's attention, he smirked triumphantly.
"Was that necessary?" Levi asked, smiling despite his tone of disapproval.
"It got you looking at me instead of him, so yeah, worth it." Gareth said as he picked up the abandoned cards strewn across the table. Levi felt bad.
"Sorry." He said as he watched Gareth shuffle the cards with ease. He blew a raspberry in response, "Don't apologize. I knew what tonight was about." He said amicably before setting the deck down.
"I also know what it feels like to be in the same room and yet there are miles of emotional bullshit between the person you just want to touch. Simplicity overruled by fear. I've been there." Gareth empathized well, and Levi tried not to dwell on it. But his eyes were traitors as he looked back down at Nico only to make eye contact with him. A thrill went down his spine but he kept calm and smiled at the man who seemed to have been watching him. Nico Kim broke the eye contact only to come back up the steps. Gareth noticed.
"Uh oh, is Casey's master plan working? Should we hold hands?" Gareth mocked panic as he held out his hand in an offer and whispered, "Quick, take my hand."
Levi batted it away instead, "Stop it."
"Mind if I join you?" Nico asked Levi who shook his head. Nico sat next to Levi on his right.
"Hey, I'm Gareth. Casey's friend." The two shook hands in front of Levi, he sat back and watched them over his nonalcoholic beverage.
"Nico Kim. Associate of Link's and Levi's friend." He tacked on which made Levi wonder why.
"Oh good, so you two know each other." Nico probably couldn't sense it but Levi heard the sarcasm that Gareth wielded at ninja level. Levi turned his head and shot a glare solely meant for Gareth who was smirking as he made eye contact with him for a brief moment.
"Yeah, enough to know that he drools." Levi turned his glare on Nico now who gave him a similar mischievous smile. Were they trying to burst his brain?!
"Let's…play a game." He interjected and opened up a drawer embedded in the table. He pulled out a deck of traditional playing cards. They decided on a game and Gareth began shuffling and doling out hands.
"Parker has told me you two are on your first date tonight?" Nico asked nonchalantly as he eyed his cards, rearranging them. Gareth answered as it seemed Levi's tongue had been whisked away all of a sudden.
"Yup, blind date. I can't say I'm disappointed, either. I've had a blast listening to him laugh at my stupid jokes. Not many people humor me. I think I might keep him." Levi's heart jumped at the last bit, eyes wide and looking at Gareth with his mouth agape. Too much. Gareth retracted as he started the game, clearing his throat.
"Another one of my bad jokes." Nico took his turn and joked in return.
"Love at first sight, Levi?"
Levi laughed lightly and shook his head trying to diffuse the situation as he put down his own card and picked one up.
"No cheating this time." He proclaimed and Gareth gave him an astonished look as if he'd never.
A few turns in, Gareth sighed.
"Losing?" Levi asked, feeling excited about his hand.
Gareth shook his shaggy head, "No, I think I'm coming down with a cold. Do I have a fever?"
Unceremoniously, he took Levi's wrist and directed it up to his face. He held his cards in that hand so he had to use the back of his hand to press to Gareth's cheek. He frowned.
"You don't feel feverish…" Then it clicked.
"Wait a—
"I think I'll stay in." Gareth said, releasing Levi and moving back to the game. Nico shook his head and laughed as Levi pointed his accusing finger.
"Dammit, Gareth! You looked!" He was pretty sure he knew why Reina reverted to physical violence when it came to Gareth Branson.
"No cursing, this is a fancy place." Gareth said, repeating her words from earlier.
Levi rolled his eyes over to Nico and gave him an exasperated look at the expense of the cheater. But Nico was busy challenging Gareth.
"I'll stay in as well." Nico said confidently, a calm smile affixed in his poker face.
There were no stakes, except for manly pride maybe. The two looked to Levi who put down his hand with a huff.
"I fold." Levi said a little pouty as he took a sip of his coke.
"Me and you now. Bring it, buffmaster." Gareth said confrontationally, Levi choked around the rim of his glass.
Nico raised an eyebrow, "…Buffmaster?"
Gareth's smirk didn't faulter as he gestured to his own narrower shoulders then pointed to Nico, "Yeah! 'Cause you know. All of that."
Levi cleared his windpipe after a few coughs, "Just show the cards!"
Nico ended up winning and caused Gareth to frown and Levi to whoop.
They progressed through several games, Levi and Gareth taking turns attempting to cheat and Levi was decidedly bad at it. Which had been officially proclaimed by Nico. He had tried tilting his chair back to catch a glimpse at Gareth's hand only to lean too far back and felt the familiar plummet of his stomach as gravity took over in the unfortunate direction. He began to flail only to be saved by Nico in time and righted. Blushing profusely, Levi mumbled his gratitude.
"You're too accident prone to be stealthy, glasses." The look Levi must've given Nico at that horrid nickname made Nico laugh. Miffed that name was still being circulated in conversation at the hospital, Levi said childishly, "I dislike you."
Nico snorted, "No. You don't."
There was something in the way he had said it. The look that accompanied his assured statement made the shorter man drop all pretense and panic internally. It couldn't just be his paranoia, right? Nico Kim had found out and he was…taunting him?
"Let's sing happy birthday to the birthday boy!" Dr. Jo Karev's voice carried through the living space. Levi frowned and looked away from Nico, pushing the cold sensation away.
The three moved downstairs to sing a discordant version of 'happy birthday' around Link who feigned surprise by the events; the ones that he planned. Levi had drifted away from Nico to stand on the opposite side of the spectators. He couldn't permanently keep the churning of discomfort at bay but he smiled and laughed when the rest laughed. He participated in a customary cake slice and watched as Link began ripping through gift wrapping paper.
Hands seized his shoulders making him jump under the hold.
"Woah, sorry." Gareth's face was close to his ear due to the loud conversating coming from several different excited groups. He squeezed his hold on Levi a little, "I need to head out, care to walk me to the street? It's cold and dark, and I'm scared."
Levi smiled, grateful for the distraction Gareth provided. "I'll protect you."
They slipped out undetected and they both sighed at the same time. The relative quiet of the evening streets was a welcoming atmosphere after all the rowdiness of the party. Levi wondered if he should bother with going back in, but after being personally invited, he couldn't be rude.
"I had fun. Despite what tonight was supposed to be, I'm glad I genuinely got to know you." Gareth said with his signature smirk and they reached a small landing before the last flight of stairs to the gate. They were shrouded by surrounding trees, the street lamp's yellow light patchy between the leaves and danced in the slight breeze passing through. It was a peaceful night.
"Me too. Parker did good without knowing it." He admitted.
They stilled in conversation mutually, Levi noticed their little party wasn't lacked motivation to keep moving towards the gate. He watched Gareth watching him. Finally, he caved in and asked.
"What?"
Gareth seemed geared up to say something that held weight and Levi interpreted and took off his glasses.
"Kiss me." He wanted to know.
Gareth needed no further prompting, crossing the width of the landing and dropped his head until Levi met him, lips first. The wind made Gareth's long hair tickle Levi's face pleasantly, the taller man had moved his arm around Levi, pulling him closer. Levi felt Gareth's other hand curl underneath his ear to hold his head gently, his thumb grazing at his bottom lip. Gareth was a good kisser. It was…nice.
Nice.
Gareth now slipped into the perceptive role and broke the kiss, his head pointed down.
"It seems buffmaster still has the better hand." Their eyes then connected in their close proximity and Levi moved a hand to Gareth's chest in a consoling manner.
"It should be you. I'm an idiot." Levi groused, patronizing himself. Why couldn't it be Gareth Branson? Any man that wanted him in return? And deep down, Levi knew he found his answer.
The corner of Gareth's lips quirked only a little as he pulled back completely and took his comforting warmth with him.
"I could say there is still hope. The problem with that is: I'd be lying." He said in a subdued tone with brutal honesty which tugged at Levi terribly.
"If we ever do meet up again, let's always be this candid. It's refreshing." Gareth continued and Levi's smile was bittersweet.
"I can do that." He hated losing a potential friend but didn't want to force Gareth so soon after rejection; thinking it was better to let it happen naturally. If it was meant to be. If not, Levi was sure Grey-Sloan would keep him otherwise distracted from the loss.
"Then, I'm off. Good luck, Levi. Really." When Gareth was outside of the gate, Levi closed his eyes and rubbed at his face in frustration. He wasn't ready to go back inside. He sat on the steps, watching the city glitter through the leaves. The reason it wasn't women, it wasn't the male model and it wasn't Gareth Branson was because they all eventually came to represent the same road that lead to disappointment. Nico Kim was separate from them somehow.
But now that Nico had possibly realized Levi's affection towards him, how long would it take for their friendship to fall apart? He didn't think he could take more jibes from Nico like the one he threw in at the card game. Maybe it was better if he just confessed his way and let whatever events that followed be his path from there. He could afford to lose Nico Kim because Levi was strong. But not tonight. It just didn't feel like the right time.
"'I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.'" He quoted aloud, reassuring himself as he stood and turned to go back inside. Levi saw a solitary figure at the top and only realized as he squinted, his glasses were still in hand instead of on his face. Reaching the top, Levi saw it was Nico. He leaned his tall profile heavily on the iron post, his dark eyes focused on the surgical intern.
"How much did you see?" Levi asked quietly out of morbid curiosity, he looked behind him and yes, you could see very clearly the landing where he had kissed Gareth. He darted his eyes up to be nailed again by that steady gaze in his direction. Instead of answering plainly, the taller man shrugged, "He's certainly taken with you. He's respectful, almost reverent. What spell did you cast on him?"
Levi decided he didn't like Nico's tone and frowned, "What do you mean?"
Nico stood up straight, hands in his pockets. "First lesson, the majority of men are fast. Especially gay men since there is the gay culture that sex is equivalent to breathing until we have had enough of it with enough men. And then they reach a point where companionship means more than risking STD's and alcohol poisoning. But tonight, what I just saw was someone who not only wants you physically, he wants you."
Levi tilted his head, "Isn't that a good thing?"
"Depends on what you want from him. You went with the total opposite mindset last time. It's hard to tell what you're into."
"I…didn't mean to! You know that! I…" Levi knew who he wanted. But Levi wouldn't say it, there was that fear. He had felt comfortable with pushing the issue aside for one more night, he didn't want to risk himself so soon. That strength he had felt prior to the current conversation was waning. For some reason, the thin veil that kept the two just shy of the truth made him safer than pulling the veil off all together.
"Do you like him, then? As you would like a woman? Engage in the respectable three dates and then sex and then a steady relationship. Or are you just thinking with your dick?" Levi jerked at the abrasive term but thought it through.
Gareth was unexpected, he hadn't wanted anything from him. Then the spontaneous opportunity to kiss a decent man arose and Levi seized it just so that it could parallel with his kiss with Nico. He had been thinking about Nico when he decided to kiss Gareth. And so, the question then became why did he want to kiss Nico? Did he want a relationship with Nico or did he want only sex with Nico?
That morning they shared in bed…that was more than what just sex could provide. He craved that morning as well as the desperation he felt in the elevator. Ball it all into one and it had a name.
"I want a relationship. With a man." He finally answered.
Nico was quiet for longer than expected, as though Levi had thrown him a curveball. His eyes seemed to get darker as he asked, "And you want that with him?"
It was an opening that Nico Kim had unknowingly given yet again for Levi to answer truthfully. But Levi felt that fear that Gareth had mentioned earlier and decided to be vague.
"He's nice."
"So? The next-door lady is nice."
"He's funny."
"Not really."
Levi huffed, "I like him."
Only as a friend. He said in his mind.
"That's cute." Nico said it with no passion.
Levi gritted his teeth, realizing anything he said about Gareth would be met with a stonewall response.
"Why are we having this conversation?" He finally asked.
Nico acted exasperated and raised his hand to his forehead, "You wanted my help, remember?"
The shorter man laughed, "How is dissuading me from Gareth considered helping?! He's perfect." Perfect, just not perfect for him. It was indeed a good deal frustrating for Levi.
Shaking his head, Levi walked towards the door deciding to give Link his well wishes before leaving. Nico stopped him with a hand wrapping around his forearm. He was about to tell the taller man to let go but stopped when Nico was right up close enough that Levi smelled him.
"What I saw was you forcing yourself. I saw it with Jude, I saw it tonight with Gareth. Despite pursuing either a one-night stand, your soulmate, a man or a woman, wanting someone shouldn't feel like a goddamn test."
Levi stood still in shock, eyes far away when he realized that Nico was right. He had asked Gareth to kiss him for the wrong reasons. He had allowed Jude to kiss him for the wrong reasons. He focused his eyes up at Nico who was giving him a look that was almost pleading but there was also conflict. Levi sighed and dug deeper.
Nico Kim wasn't a test. He had been an awakening and when Levi had been ready to move on, the man was brought back into his life to remind him that the electricity they generated couldn't be washed away just because he wanted it gone. He tried to force it to go away by replacing Nico. He could agree that was unhealthy. What was he supposed to do?
Nico hadn't bothered with letting him go, those eyes held his own and something in his stomach started to build. He hated himself that he didn't want Nico to let go. Levi went slack as he felt himself give in after weeks of tension caused by trying to hide it all from Nico Kim. But maybe it was the very same man who had the answers.
"What am I supposed to do, Nico? Sure, you were the first man to kiss me—first man to reject me but I was fine with moving on. Then, you were there saving me; caring for me, erasing any chance I had on forgetting you."
Levi felt somewhere inside him lurch when the taller man let him go finally and Nico didn't speak as he went to lean on the house, listening.
He continued on even though his heart was thundering in his chest and the fear pooled inside of him at what he was about to say, "And I got to know you. I like that you're smart, I like that you're beautiful but can also make the goofiest faces, I like that you love horror novels. I like that you're controlling only when it comes to those you care about and then that's when I realized I like you. And it's forbidden to like you. So then, I tried to suppress it but you're right. Forcing myself into someone else's life isn't the way to do that. How am I supposed to move on if I can't move on?"
He had confessed, truly confessed. And now, desperately, earnestly he needed to know how to move on.
Ironically, you won't let me. Levi couldn't look at him the entire time he talked but sensed the tension nonetheless. He finally grew too anxious to continue staying in the suspension of his confession and looked at Nico. The man looked grim as if Levi had served him a death sentence.
"Levi…"
Levi swallowed hard at the state of his name being spoken and his words grew harder to vocalize.
"You don't have to reject me—again—I know you can't meet me halfway. You can just tell me what I do next? Now that you know all of it, sh-should I go run after Gareth? I rejected him since it would be wrong to lead him on. I could beg him to give me a chance or should I just go to the club—sleep with…with Jude and any other man willing to give me the time of day? Because wanting you isn't an option. How do I move on?" He felt hot and cold at the same time, shivering in the calamity of his raging emotional and physical panic.
Nico remained silent and still, eyes focused hard on the deck and hard to read. The sound of music and laughter resonated through the walls, so jovial and contrasting to what was happening just outside of them. Levi spoke again, trying to pry anything out of Nico Kim.
"You said you could help me as my friend. As a friend, I'm asking you. What should I do?"
Nico could only fix him with a look of regret.
Levi gave up all hope for an answer and knew officially that confessing had been a mistake. He had broken Nico Kim. Deciding that he would just have to apologize to Dr. Lincoln in the morning, Levi went down the steps and out the gate, his chest heavier than he could remember it ever being. Unequivocally liking Nico Kim took its toll, he realized and looked at the empty street to only realize he didn't have a taxi prepared to take him home.
He sat on the sidewalk with his back resting on fencing, wishing he had alcohol sitting with him. It wasn't good what he was stirring inside of him. It hurt way worse than the disappointment ever could. He searched dejectedly for transportation home on his phone.
AN: What does Nico Kim smell like? Did everyone watch the midseason finale? I was fangirling so hard. Schmico is a great ship name, thanks for your review! Levi quoted Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" in this chapter.